


The Way We Fall

by RhysMerilot



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Character Study, F/F, Recovery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2019-11-21 15:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 280,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18144107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhysMerilot/pseuds/RhysMerilot
Summary: We all have our inner demons that we fight, but what happens when the past comes rushing back and life falls apart as it comes back together all at once?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING
> 
> Now, before we begin on this epic beast of a tale, I want to get a few things out of the way. This story deals with Regina struggling with alcoholism and her recovery. This is a very touchy subject for a lot of people, but for me this is a personal one. This is in no way a reflection of my own journey nor anyone else’s.
> 
> No two people struggle with the same addiction the same way nor does anyone experience the road to recovery with the same experiences. I am in no way an expert nor do I claim to be one.
> 
> This story was born from an almost entirely different idea and it turned into something else as I wrote it. This story is part of the reason I woke up and saw my own addiction that I had been in denial about for a very long time and parts of this story will reflect that on a personal level. I am nearing 100 days sober in my own journey, one that was quite different than the one I spent the last nearly a year writing Regina into.
> 
> The very last thing I want and need is for anyone to come at me for certain things in this story, especially anything centered around Regina and her addiction and recovery. If alcoholism/addiction is a trigger for you, then I suggest you do not read any further.
> 
> This is completely set in an Alternate Universe as I have simply just borrowed the characters, some of their backgrounds, family/friends, etc. I’ve taken some (read: a lot) of creative liberties to twist things around to tell my own stories with the characters we all love (and some that we hate) to write this story that has quite literally been years in the making. I spent almost a year working on this, four months of that editing and rewriting it.
> 
> This story is complete, but there will only be updates 3x a week until every chapter is posted. 
> 
> The update schedule will be the following: Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. 
> 
> If for any reason I cannot update on those specific days, I’ll be sending out a tweet or two. You can follow me on twitter, @RhysMerilot, but I can’t promise you I’ll be very entertaining…
> 
> Now, without further ado, the first chapter…

The sound of horns honking and drivers yelling at one another out the window was very typical for the start of rush hour in the city, but it was those sounds that made the big city feel like home. Sometimes. Even after ten years--and seven different cities--no place ever truly felt like home to her anymore.

Regina Mills rushed down the busy sidewalk, sidestepping away from the slow walkers and the distracted people as she tried to hurry home. It’d been a long day at the courthouse with three of her clients booked literally back to back to face the judge for their final hearing for their case. Her last client, she and her ex-husband were nowhere close to being on the same page, and now that case was to go to trial in five months. It had been a stressful day, to say the least, and all she wanted to do was go home to relax and unwind with a warm cup of tea.

Regina adjusted the strap of her heavy bag and came to a stop on the corner just as the light turned red. Annoyed, she groaned just as an echo of it resounding throughout the crowd of people standing around her. It was clear she wasn’t the only one impatient to get home after a long day. It was one of the longest waits at an intersection on her walk home from the courthouse, and with the weight of her bag, the stress of the day, and not to mention the fact she hadn’t been sleeping well lately, it just weighed her down immensely and made her grow increasingly anxious and irritable.

“Excuse me,” Regina huffed in annoyance as someone walked into her back.

“Watch it, would ya?” Someone a little further behind her yelled out. “People are walking here!”

“Nobody is walking yet, you stupid son-of-a-bitch!”

“Shut up!”

Regina rolled her eyes at the vulgar exchange. It was normal, at least normal enough that it happened once a day one way or another. In the seven months she’d been living in the city, she learned that most New Yorkers kept to themselves, but there were the few that definitely didn’t keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves. For the most part, she ignored the idiots who acted like uncivilized children at best, even if they made her irritable.

After three impossibly long minutes, the light changed and the crowd began to cross the intersection, some people pushing at others who weren’t moving quick enough. Regina kept up a steady pace with the rest of the crowd to avoid some of the impatient and rude people still yelling obscenities at others. She had barely made it to the sidewalk when her phone started ringing. She swore under her breath as she stepped aside from the crowd on the street and fumbled to get her phone out of her blazer jacket.

_Private Caller._ Regina furrowed her brow as she tried to readjust her bag strap on her shoulder before she answered the call just before it went to voicemail. “Hello?” She said, a little out of breath. “Hello?”

“Regina?”

Regina hardly had a second to react to the sound of her mother’s voice before two teenage girls all but pushed her out of the way as they walked by. The girls laughed and continued walking down the street, leaving Regina nearly scrambling to keep from dropping her phone and her bag.

“Regina?”

“M--mother,” she stammered as she moved to stand in the doorway of a small store. “I can’t talk right now,” she said as she tried to compose herself. “I’m on my way home and--”

“It’s your father.”

Regina’s heart sunk. Over the last ten years, she had barely spoken with her mother, and her mother never did call her unless something had happened. The last time her mother had called, her father had been too distraught to call her himself when her horse, Rocinante, had suddenly passed away, and that had been eight years ago.

“Regina?” Her mother sounded upset and annoyed all at once. “Can you hear me, dear? It’s your father,” Cora said without waiting for Regina to respond. “He is on his way to the hospital as we speak.”

“The hospital? Why?”

All around her, people went on with their lives, most trying to get home during the evening rush in one piece. Nobody cared about anyone other than themselves, and there Regina was, cowering in the doorway to a second-hand store while on the phone with her mother whom she hadn’t spoken to in over a year. All the people that passed by, not one of them had any idea that her world was slowly falling apart.

“The paramedics that showed up to the house told me that he has had a heart attack.”

“A heart attack? Is he okay?”

“Obviously he is not okay, Regina,” Cora barked. “He’s unconscious, but I know he would want me to I call you to let you know what just happened.”

Regina just listened after her mother stopped talking for a moment and she could hear the sound of the ambulance siren and other noises, beeping, a man talking then shouting out for the driver to go faster.

“I’ll have to call you back, dear,” Cora said after a few long, agonizing minutes had passed and just like that, the line went dead.

“What?” Regina looked at her phone, dumbfounded, before she slipped it back into her blazer pocket with teary eyes.

Her hands were shaking as she tried to get herself together. She tried to convince herself that everything was going to be fine. People had heart attacks every day and they were fine, they survived, they recovered, and then they went on with their lives. Her father was old but he was healthy. He’d get through this, no problem.

Regina headed back out to the crowded street and tried to get home as quickly as she could, with one hand holding the strap to her heavy bag, and the other in her pocket clutching her phone so she could answer it as soon as her mother called back. When she finally reached her home, she avoided going in through the front where her office was, and she headed around to the back and let herself in, the lock sticking as she tried to turn the key. It took several tries before she calmed down enough to wiggle the key just enough to get the door unlocked.

The neighbor’s dog was barking as she kicked the door shut behind her and dropped her bag by the small kitchen table. She headed straight up the stairs to the little loft where her bedroom was and she pulled her phone out of her pocket before she pulled off her blazer and tossed it on the unmade bed. As she slipped out of the heels she’d been wearing all day, she noticed that her hands were still shaking and she took a few deep breaths to try to calm down a little.

Regina didn’t speak with anyone in her family except for her father and it had been that way since she left a little over ten years ago. She was close with her father and that was something that had not changed over the years. She had only just spent the last weekend up in Boston with her father where they’d gone exploring around the city, saw a movie on Saturday night, and spent Sunday at a ranch just west of the city riding a couple of horses on the trails. They’d spent the late afternoon just sitting on the terrace of their hotel room drinking tea as they talked. He had looked fine and that was only just a handful of days ago.

Her father had been in good spirits as he always was, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They talked about her life, mostly, because she never wanted to hear about her family or about anyone or anything back in her hometown of Storybrooke, Maine. They’d walked down that road a few times before and it made Regina’s walls slam back up in an instant. Her father knew and then simply respected that she just didn’t _want_ to know.

She had her reasons, of course. Reasons she tried not to think of or dwell on much over the years as to go on living her life the way she so deemed fit.

Regina turned her phone over and over in her hand, watching the clock on the wall just above the small flat screen television, and she tried not to count the minutes as they passed. She had two problems, one being that she didn’t have her mother’s number and the other being she didn’t actually want to talk to her. She was afraid because the longer she waited, the more she began to worry. Five minutes turned to ten, then fifteen, half an hour, and by the time it was seven o’clock, her mother still had not called back with any news.

Nearly two hours had passed since that initial phone call and it was turning her into a nervous wreck. It had her worrying not only about her father and whether he was all right or not, but it also had her thinking of things she hadn’t thought about in a very long time

Being just over ninety days sober meant a long time was roughly half of that time. Six weeks since she last fell off the wagon, so to speak, after spending several nights wide awake and thinking of nothing else but the life she had left behind ten years ago. Regina could remember that night very clearly and how she’d nearly given up her sobriety to a cheap bottle of wine she bought at the convenience store down the street.

A sudden pang of hunger served as a reminder she had skipped lunch in favor of going over some case notes with a client ahead of their scheduled appearance in front of the district judge. It also served as a reminder that her day had been impossibly long enough already. Instead of heading down to the kitchenette in her office, she stripped out of her clothes and got into a pair of comfortable pajamas before she settled down on the couch with her phone still in her hand and her eyes trained on the clock on the wall.

Her mind drifted to and from, worrying about her father mostly, but also thinking about just how different her life had been in the last decade since she had left Storybrooke. In September of 2006, she left her hometown, and she ran as far away as she could from her broken heart and the life she had been living all those years. With nothing more than what she could carry in a suitcase, a pocket full of money she’d drained out of her savings account, she ended up on the other side of the country after a long drive to California.

It had been nearly three days straight of non-stop driving and when only when she reached Los Angeles, she finally stopped. She was only twenty-three and in a big city on the other side of the country, far from home and nursing an insufferable heartbreak. It was several months of non-stop partying in LA, drinking and drugs and dancing, but it didn’t last much longer than a few months before she realized she wasn’t _that_ person and the people she’d met and hung around with there were not only not her type of friends, but they were also _bad_ people.

From there, it was San Francisco, but it turned out to be much of the same. Even years later, she still wasn’t quite sure how she ended up in a small town along the coast of Oregon by January, broke and homeless and living in her car, the same car she still drove to that day and the car that her father had gifted her on her seventeenth birthday. It was the first time in four months she had called anyone and that first phone call went to her father, who flew out to Oregon days later and helped her get back on her feet.

After California, she went back to Maine, taking a week-long trip across the country with her father in tow. She adamantly refused to return to Storybrooke. At least her father understood why she wasn’t ready to come home then, though he never mentioned the real reason why until years later. She moved to Portland, just an hour’s drive from Storybrooke, where she stayed until that summer. When things began to feel too comfortable, too _stale_ , she packed up her car and drove south with no destination in mind. She spent the month of July in South Carolina, the first half amongst the coast in different towns, and the other half in the city of Charleston.

It was really no surprise when she ended up in Tallahassee that summer. It wasn’t intentional, but after spending a few weeks working as a waitress in Charleston, she’d started thinking about the reasons why she’d left Storybrooke in the first place and that led to her thinking of another place to run to, another place where she might be able to find a place to call home one day. She knew now that she’d spent that year running away from a broken heart though she didn’t quite know it at the time, at least not until she was in Tallahassee all those years ago, once again broke, nearly homeless, and alone.

It was her fault. Her broken heart was her fault. Solely and completely  _her_ fault.

It was that realization down in Tallahassee that led her back up north and from there, she re-enrolled into the Boston University School of Law where she spent the next five years getting her degree in criminal and family law. She created a life there but she never returned to Storybrooke despite it only being a few hours away. It made it easier, however, for her to spend time with her father on weekends and during the summer months between semesters.

Not even in Boston could she mend her broken heart no matter how much she tried to move on. And she had desperately tried to move on from her past and to move forward in her life when it came to matters of the heart and love. It didn’t matter how hard she tried. Nothing she did ever mended her broken heart.

Regina had been in love with Emma Swan for just over six years, and they had been together for five years, three months, and nineteen days when they had a rather stupid and petty fight that ended their relationship and led Regina to leave Storybrooke for good the following morning. Their relationship had been complicated at best, but they had a lot of good memories together. It was those memories that she held on to, even now a whole decade later, because it reminded her that she once had love, and the emptiness in her heart served as a reminder that it still remained broken to that very day.

It was no secret now that she had once loved Emma Swan with every fiber of her being or that Emma Swan had been the only one she’d ever loved that deeply and truly. None of that had mattered though, because, at the end of the day, Regina had been a _coward_ , too afraid to be open about who she really was and who she loved more than life itself. She had spent her whole life it seemed closest and shut off from her family, her friends, and her life with Emma Swan hadn’t really been that different in the end.

Emma had been so patient and so very understanding while they’d been together. She never once pushed for Regina to step out of her comfort zone, always assuring her that it was okay even though they both knew it absolutely was not. Regina had always been so afraid of what her family would think, especially her mother. Her cowardliness had put a strain on her relationship with Emma over the years as she felt like she was living two lives and both were based on lies. Still, she played happy little family with Emma Swan for over five years before she had left and it wasn’t just Emma she had left behind, it was Emma’s five-year-old son Henry, too.

Leaving had been easier.

Leaving had been the only thing she believed at the time that was a solution to her crushing heartbreak. She’d been young _and_ stupid. It had been such a rash decision she’d made in the heat of the moment and one that still, all these years later, she regretted terribly. She had no idea if Emma Swan would ever forgive her and she had told herself over the years that if that was the case, she deserved nothing less.

Unfortunately, it hadn’t gotten any easier after she graduated from university with two degrees and moved into her first house in Boston where she started working for a rather large firm there that kept her busy. Long days, longer nights, her only comfort was her bed and several large glasses of wine--or whatever else was her poison of choosing that day. It wasn’t her time in California that had started the problem, no, it’d been in Boston with her coworkers and chasing the relief from the stressors of her job and her lonely life.

After being in Boston for four years, she burnt herself out. She decided after a long conversation with her father in the middle of the night that she was going to relocate to New York City and start over there, a brand-new life. Relocating to New York had given her the opportunity to start her own firm and it also gave her more opportunity just to immerse herself completely in her work, in her cases, overloading herself so much at times that it took having too many clients and too many cases for her to stop, reassess her priorities, and only take on what she could handle, and she made sure she allowed herself time away from work, too, most of it spent bar hopping with colleagues until that too had become an ongoing problem.

Her father had voiced his concerns over the years when it came to her drinking too much, staying out too late too often, and she never listened to him. Over the last ninety days since she had last had a drink, she had a lot of time to think back over the years to the parts she could remember and hated, she _hated_ that so much of it was nothing more than a blur.

It wasn’t the conversations she’d had with her worried father that led her to the sobriety she fought to keep every single day. It had come after she woke up early one morning in a puddle of her own sick and in a male colleague’s bed half-naked to realize she had lost all control of every part of herself and her life. There was nothing worse than waking up with zero reconciliation of how she ended up in that man’s bed after a night of drinking heavily.

Regina had a lot of guilt. And a lot of regrets. Those first few days of being completely sober had been an awakening for her.

Everything she had tried for years to forget by drowning them in copious amounts of alcohol and occasionally drugs, it all came back tenfold. She struggled to deal with the ramifications of every choice and every decision she had made over the last decade. It felt harder to deal, to remember, to move on, especially with a newfound sense of clarity that came with being clean and sober. It was hard because she’d been running from those memories for a very long time, and it was hard because all those dreamless nights that she’d had before were now filled with dreams of Emma Swan and the life they once had together.

And she was struggling now, more than she had since she’d gotten sober, because her father was in the hospital. _A heart attack_. Nobody had called her back. Nobody had called to tell her if he was okay or not. Nobody had called to tell her if things had taken a turn for the worse and it was made her feel useless, helpless, and angry.

The clock on the wall above her small television was loud as the second hand ticked around slowly. It made her think back to the last conversation she’d had with her father just a few hours before they had to check out of the hotel a few nights ago. Three, her mind reminded her. It had only been three nights ago.

Her father confessed to her that he had not been as oblivious as she had originally thought he’d been all through the years. He had known all along about her relationship with Emma Swan and he knew all that time that they had been madly, deeply in love with one another. He had laughed when he called her on the lie they’d lived and told, the one where they had everyone believing they were just friends and roommates and there was no way or even a reason for her to deny any of it now. Regina hadn’t remembered crying like that for years as her father told her that he wished that things had been far different than the way they ended up and that all he ever wanted was for her to be _happy_.

Her sexuality, her short-lived relationships with woman in general, none of it had been a secret between them for years, but that? _That_? It had brought back far too many emotions she wasn’t quite ready to deal with again. Her father, never being a man of too many words, ended the conversation by telling her he had wished she never felt that she had to hide and that she never would feel she’d have to do it again.

And all she could now think of was the unconditional love she’d felt when he talked about her and Emma. The way he looked at her as they talked, the way he had hugged her when the tears had started to fall, it said more than any words he could’ve said.

By nine o’clock, Regina still hadn’t heard back from her mother and she was distraught with worry that something was terribly wrong. She called her sister several times but her calls went unanswered and the number she had for her mother had been disconnected. Just as she was about to look up the number for the hospital in Storybrooke, her phone started to ring. _Private Caller_.

“Mother?” Regina said as she immediately answered as she jumped up from the couch. “Is everything all right?” She held her breath for a moment, waiting. “Is Daddy--”

“I wanted to inform you, dear, that your father has passed away a short time ago.” Cora’s voice was quiet and cold. Distant.

And then came that soft _click_ soon after.

Regina’s heart sank. And the world faded away. A high pitch ringing echoed in her ears as she walked over to sit down heavily on the edge of the bed, her legs too heavy, too weak, to keep standing. She dropped her hand, pulling the phone from her ear, and she just stared blankly down at it with tears in her eyes.

Her heart was shattering into a million pieces as she stared down at the now black screen for a moment longer and then tossed it blindly behind her.

The numbness settled in as she crawled up to the middle of her bed and grabbed her pillow, sobbing softly into it as she buried her face and then screamed. Her chest felt so very heavy and her heart ached in a way unlike any other pain she’d felt before. Shattered didn’t begin to explain the depth of the pain she was feeling, it didn’t even come close. It hurt more--if it were even possible--than a decade of living with a broken heart did.

Her phone started to ring and she just didn’t have the strength nor the desire to answer it. All she could do was lift her head from her tear-stained pillow to see her sister’s name on the screen before she let her head fall back to the pillow with an exhausted, anguished sigh.

Her father, the one person she was closest to for all her life, was gone.

It didn’t feel real. It felt more like a bad dream that she couldn’t wake up from. It just didn’t feel real.

As the realization dawned upon her that she would have to return home for her father’s funeral, her heart sank even deeper. She knew she would never forgive herself if she didn’t return to bury her father and she already had more than enough guilt to last her a lifetime. No matter how hard it would be to go back there, she had to. She had spent ten years finding every excuse not to come home and now, she knew now was not the time to be a _coward_. Though the thought of spending the next couple of days back in Storybrooke was terrifying in itself and had her filled with dread, she had to do it. She had to go home for her father.

She had to go home to bury her father.

And she had to say goodbye one last time.

[X]

The drive north to Maine had been a long one, nearly all day, and Regina was growing endlessly annoyed with all the idiot drivers on the road. She had packed a bag and left the city early that morning after she had finally called her sister back. Zelena informed her that the funeral was on Friday. Cora certainly hadn’t wasted any time in making those arrangements and her father, Henry Mills, was to be laid to rest on that Friday, the 23rdof June.

It was just after seven when Regina drove past the “Welcome to Storybrooke” sign. An incredible feeling of anxiousness crept up on her as she drove through her hometown for the first time in over ten years. Nothing had changed, she noticed, as she drove down Main Street. It was if she had gone back in time to a place she once knew better than the back of her own hand. It was surreal, in a sense.

She took the long way to Mifflin Street to avoid the house she had once called a home with Emma Swan and her son. It didn’t lessen the heavy burden of guilt she felt suddenly weighing her down.

The brakes squeaked as she came to a stop after pulling into the driveway of her childhood home and parked next to her mother’s car. It felt surreal and strange to be back home after a decade and still it almost felt as if not a day had gone by. Regina turned off the engine and sat there for a moment, staring up at the house that hadn’t changed at all like the rest of the town. The guilt she’d harbored for years hit her even more as she got out of the car and stretched her stiff legs.

She should’ve come back a long time ago and it shouldn’t have taken her father’s sudden and unexpected death to bring her home. She tried to swallow past the rising lump in her throat and fought back her tears.

After deciding to leave her bag in the car, for now, she walked up to the front door and wasn’t surprised to find it had been left unlocked. She entered the house quietly and shut the door behind her, the soft click echoing throughout the foyer. She placed her keys into the front pocket of her jeans as she walked up the few steps and then came to a stop just outside the den.

For as long as she could remember, especially growing up, her father always spent his evenings in the den around that time every day, sitting in his chair by the window with the radio on, the paper or a book in one hand, and a glass of his homemade cider sitting on the table beside him. It was absolutely devastating to her just knowing she would never again walk into that house and find her father sitting right there in his favorite chair. She was trembling, fighting back her tears, as she walked over to the chair and ran her fingers over the slight water stains on the little table beside it, laughing a little because her father had always forgotten to use a coaster.

Regina turned around when she heard a few small yips coming from the little Yorkie that had suddenly run into the den. The yips slowly turned to a slow and steady growl and Regina scowled down at the little dog. She _loathed_ Zelena’s dog that was idiotically named Snow White. She was surprised it was even still _alive_ as she’d only met it once before, months before she’d left, when Zelena divorced her husband and made the move from London to Boston that summer with her young daughter Robyn in tow. That first and only encounter with the little dog had left Regina with a nasty little scar on her right ankle.

“Go on, get out of here, you stupid little mutt,” Regina snapped. “Gods, of all the animals in the world she could’ve chosen, why--”

“Regina.”

At the sound of her mother’s voice, she looked up suddenly. “Hello, Mother,” she said and the sight of her mother took her back a little as she was not expecting her to look so worn and withered. “How are you?”

“As good as can be expected, I suppose,” Cora replied and she walked over to the dog, picking her up with a scoff. She motioned for Regina to follow her as she walked out into the foyer. “Zelena and I are just having a cup of tea in the kitchen. Join us.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a request.

An order.

Regina hesitated for a moment before she followed her mother into the kitchen in silence. Regina hadn’t even had more than a mere moment alone in the house to wallow in the grief of her father’s death and it angered her to no end that her mother hadn’t been courteous enough to allow her that much. She couldn’t show her anger, not with her mother, but it was there, buried deep inside, boiling and bubbling its way to the surface ever so slowly.

There was a time and a place for everything and now was not the time nor the place.

Zelena was sitting at the little table by the window when she walked into the kitchen. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, filled with tears that spilled over the moment she looked over at Regina. Zelena dabbed at her eyes with the crumpled tissue in one hand and reached for the cup of tea in front of her with the other. Tears stung hotly in Regina’s eyes as Zelena stood up and walked over to her, sobbing quietly as she wrapped her arms around her. She held on tight, too, and her grip only got a little bit tighter when Regina reluctantly wrapped her arms around her older sister for the first time in years.

Aside from the surprise--and unwelcome run-in they’d had when Regina had been at school in Boston, she hadn’t seen her sister for many years before that. Zelena had been living in England with her now ex-husband and before Regina had left Storybrooke, Zelena only ever came home for Christmas, more so after her daughter had been born and she’d been hell-bent on Robyn knowing her family on the other side of the ocean. Her ex-husband, Walsh, he never came with her and Regina had one met the man once, at the wedding. Regina hadn’t seen her niece since Robyn had been five years old, and realizing that, it made the guilt she’d felt heavier than ever.

“Do you still like your tea nearly black, dear?” Cora asked. “Just a dash of milk?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Nearly black, just like your soul, hmm?” Zelena said jokily, her voice flat. She stammered as she sat back down at the table and dabbed at her red-rimmed eyes with the worn tissue before plucking another out of the box.

“Hush, Zelena, there is no need for any of that now,” Cora chided her as she got a teacup out of the cupboard for Regina. “Is it too much to ask that you two behave yourselves for once?” Cora shook her head and reached for the kettle on the stove. “Even after all these years, you two are still at each other, hmm?”

“I was merely joking, Mother,” Zelena scoffed. “Am I wrong in trying to make light of this whole dreadful and unfortunate situation?”

Regina waited. She watched and waited for her mother’s usual reaction that would always come after Zelena talked back at her, but it never came. Cora simply just sighed heavily, pouring in a splash of milk into the teacup before she brought it over to Regina. She was still taken back a little at the somber mood her mother was in, the grief, the heaviness of a broken heart over losing her husband of nearly forty years so painfully clear in her eyes.

“Thank you for coming home, Regina,” Cora said gently. She smiled sadly before she walked over to the table to sit in her usual chair. “Please, sit. How was the drive?”

“It was fine,” Regina replied and she eyed the chair her father normally sat in and reluctantly sat down in the chair beside it. “It took longer than I had expected. There are far too many idiots on the road.”

Zelena laughed and their mother just shook her head, another small and sad smile curling over her lips for a second. Regina stared down into her cup of tea and placed it down on the table in front of her. It was only truly beginning to sink in that she was back home for the first time in far too long. It felt much like it had the night before when her mother had called her back. It felt surreal. She never did imagine she’d be sitting there at the kitchen table with her sister and her mother again, drinking tea and it almost felt like she had never left in a way.

Zelena, in typical Zelena fashion, jabbed Regina in the arm with a wide grin. “So, Ms. Big Shot Lawyer, how are things in the big city?”

“I am not--”

“Daddy always talked about you, Regina,” Zelena continued without missing a beat. “He always told us how well you’ve been doing for yourself, especially lately.” Zelena sat back in her chair with an expectant look on her face. “He told us you have your own firm now,” she said. “How is that going for you, sis?”

“It is going well,” Regina replied. “And for the record, I am not a big shot lawyer. Far from it, sis.”

“Always so modest, hmm?”

Regina laughed. “Not at all.”

“What the hell are you doing with your life if you aren’t striving to be the best of the best?” Zelena asked incredulously. “Really, what are you doing? Are you happy only being some mediocre--”

“I am living my life the way I see fit, Zelena. What are _you_ doing with _your_ life?”

“Enough,” Cora said tiredly. “You two will have plenty of time to bicker after the funeral.” Silence filled the room and Regina stared at her mother as Cora took a sip of her tea gingerly. “How long are you planning on staying, Regina?”

“A few days. I’m only here for the funeral, Mother. I’ll be driving back to New York right after.”

“We’re having a wake after the funeral,” Zelena said and Regina didn’t miss the deeply disappointed look on her mother’s face. “You must stay for the wake, Regina. The whole town is likely to show up to celebrate Daddy’s life.”

“The whole town?” Regina asked in surprise. It was just another reason for her to leave even sooner. “Really?”

“It shouldn’t surprise you, dear,” Cora said. “Your father is-- _was_ well loved and respected in this town, after all.”

Henry Mills had been the principal of Storybrooke Elementary for over thirty-five years before he had retired last spring. He had been a well-respected man and loved by many people in that town. Everyone who had grown up there had known him at one point or another, some better than others. He had gotten involved in the community too over the years and Regina knew the loss would be felt heavily amongst everyone who had known her father at one point or another over the course of his life.

“Everyone simply adored Daddy. We all know that,” Zelena said and she grew quiet for a second. She scoffed and dabbed at her eyes with another fresh tissue. “Why wouldn’t they want to come and pay their last respects and why shouldn’t they deserve to celebrate his life with everyone who meant a great deal to him?”

“Let’s not talk about your father anymore,” Cora said, her voice wavering with emotion. “It is already far too unbearable knowing that he won’t be coming to bed with me again tonight. I cannot fathom the thought that he never will again. It is just too much. It is just too painful.”

“You’re right,” Zelena said and she reached across the table to pat Cora’s hand gently. She plucked another tissue from the box and handed it to Cora. “I’m sorry, Mother. You’re right. The pain is just so unbearable. I’m sorry.”

Regina stood up from the chair with a frown. “I think I am just going to go and get my bag from the car and call it a night,” she said quietly. Her cup of tea sat there untouched and she frowned again. “Is my uh, room still--”

“Yes, dear, just as you left it,” her mother replied. “Your father insisted that we leave it be as he was so sure that you would come back home one day. He was a fool if you ask me. I don’t think that he ever imagined that it wouldn’t be until after he died. It shouldn’t have taken your father’s unfortunate passing for you to come home. Perhaps you are the fool, Regina.”

_No, Mother, I am not a fool. I am a coward._

“Perhaps I am.”

“Yes, you are.”

Regina ignored the bitter bite in her mother’s words and didn’t offer her the apology she knew was expected. She walked out of the kitchen, her tears falling finally as she headed for the front door. Her mother was right, though she was hesitant to admit it at all, it really shouldn’t have taken her father’s death to bring her back home again. But it was what it was and there was no changing that now.

Her room had been left as she’d left it so very long ago. She walked in after retrieving her suitcase from the car with a heaviness in her chest and a hard lump in her throat. There was a fresh set of folded sheets that sat on the edge of the small bed and the drapes had been drawn and the windows opened in anticipation of her return. Regina placed her suitcase on the bed and tried to fight off the flood of memories that came back suddenly.

She should’ve come home a long time ago. She should’ve done it for _him_. She should’ve come home for her father because she knew, deep down, that was all he had wanted since the day she had left so many years ago.

Truth be told, she’d been so afraid of coming home and running into Emma Swan and it was that fear of facing the sole reason for her broken heart that had kept her away. She was a coward. She was a coward who could not face one of the biggest mistakes that she had made in her life. Emma had stayed in town after she left, she knew as much because Zelena had told her during their unfortunate run-in a few years back. Emma was still there and it was only a matter of time before she would see her again.

And she would have no other choice but to face the one thing--the one person--that she’d been running from all that time.


	2. Chapter 2

Regina spent hours looking over the pictures that were still taped to her vanity mirror and bringing with it were the dozens upon dozens of memories from a time in her life she had long since moved on from. The polaroid’s, most of them taken in high school, showed a very different person than the woman she ended up becoming, and she no longer recognized that part of herself anymore.

Her eyes landed on the sole picture she had on the vanity mirror of her and Emma, taken shortly after Emma had given birth to her son a year after she’d first arrived in Storybrooke. The picture was taken on a day that Regina remembered so clearly as she pulled it off the mirror with a shaky hand. They had been at the stables that day where they had spent the afternoon riding the horses, the first time away from the baby since he’d been born. Emma had surprised her that day with a picnic basket filled with her favorite foods. It was a good memory and one she hadn’t thought about in a very long, long while.

That one picture though, it was taken in a place that had been her and her father’s special sacred place for many years and it had been the first time she’d taken Emma there, sharing with her that small field that always left her feeling as if she’d stepped into a whole other world.

Regina stuck the picture back onto the mirror in its original place, the tape still sticky after all those years, and she looked over at the others that were there, pictures of her with her life-long best friend Kathryn Midas and some of their other friends. Gods, they’d been so young, so clueless, so ready for the world and not at the same time. It was hard to think back to that time in her life, a time before Emma was in it, and remember whether or not she’d ever felt true happiness before then.

There were more pictures, but they weren’t taped to her vanity mirror anymore. They’d been placed in a photo album when she first moved into that house on First Street with Emma Swan. There were others, too, pictures that she’d purposely had left behind, pictures of her and Emma together that were only meant for them. Those pictures sat in a sealed envelope, hidden in her desk drawer under the false bottom and random junk where she had kept many of her secrets tucked away.

Inside that drawer was her old journal, another thing she had purposely left behind that morning she drove out of that town and never looked back. Like the pictures, she’d left the journal behind, not wanting to bring it along with her as she tried to start over and live a whole new life. Regina walked over to the desk that sat in front of the large bay window and she pulled open that bottom drawer, sifting through the junk inside until she felt the ribbon that lifted the false bottom up. There, inside the small space that had kept its job hiding away her secrets, she found that large sealed manila envelope and her journal sitting there, right where she had left them.

She wasn’t ready to open that envelope and revisit those memories yet and instead she picked up the leather journal and opened it, the spine creaking and cracking after years of sitting left untouched. The pages fluttered lightly as she flipped through them and she stopped on the last entry, written on the night before she moved in with Emma. She couldn’t read the words she’d written through the tears in her eyes and she flipped back to the first entry from when she’s started that particular journal at the beginning of her senior year in high school.

The first dozen entries were standard of her life back then, mostly written about the start of her senior year and her boring, vanilla life she lived at the time. It was laughable at how innocent she had been in the year leading up to meeting Emma Swan for the very first time, tagging along with Kathryn and her long-time boyfriend Frederick, always the third wheel. She skimmed over some entries that detailed certain days, small moments and snapshots of a life once lived, and stopped on one she had nearly forgotten about to that very day.

_Daddy was acting strange this morning, but he told me today that he almost wished he had left Mother that one night, years ago, when I was only thirteen. I remember that night. I remember that car ride that I took with him after that fight he had with Mother, insisting I go because I was so afraid he would leave us and never come home. Not that I could blame him, then or now. Mother is and always has been just as she always will be, a stone-cold bitch._

_He took me to our spot today while we took the horses for a ride on the trails. As always, Daddy packed a bag full of snacks and other little treats. I’m still so surprised that the fishing rod he made for me many summers ago was still hidden safely in that hollow little crack inside the old willow tree. I cannot remember the last time we went there together or the last time we went fishing, but it felt like old times, but different._

_He said it was because I am older now that I’d understand things differently. Better, maybe. I think he’s right. I do understand things differently now that I am nearly eighteen. I still wonder as I write this if he should’ve left that day. I don’t understand why he stayed. Love is strange that way, I suppose, but then again, I have never been in love. Not yet. So maybe I don’t really understand that much better yet, but I am trying to, I am._

_Would it have been better, not just for them, but for all of us, if Daddy had left that night? I don’t know the answer to that, though I wish I did. I just want him to be happy as he deserves to be. Shouldn’t everyone deserve their happiness even if it makes them miserable, too? I wish I knew…_

Regina sighed and closed the journal slowly, remembering how at that time in her life her parents had struggled in their marriage and tried so very hard to work things out. Things had changed though, after that day, and she still didn’t know what it was that sparked those changes but her father had come home with a lighter heart it seemed and kissed his wife hello in a way he hadn’t done in a very long time. It wasn’t long after that day when her parents started going out on dates again and it happened so regularly that it was almost as if everyone had forgotten that they hadn’t been in love for many years, not really.

All those years of the petty arguments, the endless eye rolls, and sarcastic comments, all those slammed doors and nights Regina found her father sleeping on the couch in the den, they just seemed to stop, to fade away until they too just became another memory that was best left forgotten.

A folded piece of paper fell from where it’d been tucked into the back of the journal and she picked the letter up she had received upon her first acceptance to Boston University School of Law. It had been taped where it ripped after her mother had found her in the foyer that afternoon and had all but snatched the letter out of her hands. Holding it now made it feel like a lifetime ago. Two, even.

Regina folded the letter and tucked it back in its spot before she returned the journal to its resting place in her hiding spot. Her acceptance letter had come late in the winter, much later than the rest of her classmates. It had been a full academic scholarship all thanks in part to her mother’s strict enforcement of not accepting anything other than straight A’s all throughout her life.

She stared down at the journal for a short moment before she pushed the false bottom back into place and shut the drawer. The burden of guilt that was mixing with her grief was growing heavier. Suffocating.

She ached for that liquid release, thirsted for just a drop of the one thing that had helped her forget it all. She longed for the numbness and the blank state of mind, the relief that it brought. It was overwhelming, more than it had ever been since the start of her recovery, and with the host of other emotions consuming her, she had never felt so hopeless, so _weak_.

She turned her focus to unzipping her suitcase on top of her twin-sized bed and pulled out the neatly folded clothes one by one. She had packed for two days, three at the very most, but it already felt as if she’d been there too long and she hesitated, placing her pajama bottoms back in the suitcase for a moment before she took them back out. She had to stay, she had to keep reminding herself why she had to stay and she had to do it for her father, if not for any other reason.

The knock on the door startled her and she looked up over at her sister as she strolled in. Regina glanced at the nearly full glass of wine she carried in one hand and ignored the smile that danced over her lips as took a seat at the foot of the bed.

“What do you want, Zelena?” Regina asked tiredly. She wasn’t in the mood nor the right frame of mind to deal with anyone at the moment.

“Come, have a glass of wine with me,” Zelena said lightly. “Mother and Robyn have gone to bed. Come on, Regina, it has been far too long!”

“Or not long enough.”

Zelena laughed as she stood up, watching Regina for a moment as she put away her clothes in the dresser and then the closet. “One glass, Regina,” she said insistently.

“No,” Regina said. “I don’t drink anymore, Zelena.”

“Oh, right,” she said, a knowing look falling upon her face for a second. “Daddy mentioned that you are sober now. How is that going for you?”

“Quite well actually,” Regina lied. Lying was easy. It’d always been easy. “I’m getting ready for bed, Zelena, so if you would please just--”

“One glass,” Zelena repeated. “I won’t say a word.”

“No.”

“Why not?” Zelena urged on. “It’ll be like we are teenagers again sneaking downstairs--”

“We never did any those things.” Regina rolled her eyes. “What are you even talking about? I barely saw you after Mother started shipping you off to boarding school in England every year.”

“Fine, have it your way, but when was the last time you ever had any of Daddy’s cider, hmm?” Zelena asked. “I happen to know for a fact there is just plain old apple cider in the fridge, the one he made when we were children, remember?” Zelena reached out for Regina’s arm gently and offered her a small smile. “If it bothers you,” she said as she indicated at her glass, “I’ll save this for later and join you in having some good old-fashioned cider. Come, please?”

Regina looked at her wearily. They had never been close, not even when they were children. They had spent most of their lives, thanks to her mother, as perfect strangers at best. She hadn’t learned that Zelena was only her half-sister until their mother told her of her a whirlwind relationship she’d had with a man in England, Zelena’s real father, and that hadn’t been until Regina was nineteen and she’d overheard an argument between her mother and sister by complete accident one day. The memories she had of her sister growing up weren’t pleasant either. The five-year age gap between them had led to Zelena simply torturing her endlessly, as wickedly evil half-sister’s do.

Her father, Henry, he had loved Zelena as if she were his own and Zelena had loved him so dearly, more so than her own father she barely knew at all. To Zelena, Henry was her real father as he had raised her and loved her as any father would. Regina hadn’t understood how he could until she met Emma’s son just moments after he was born. She had loved that boy just as if she were her own even though he wasn’t hers at all really.

Regina followed Zelena through the dimly lit house and down to the kitchen. Zelena turned on the light over the stove while Regina grabbed the bottle of apple cider out of the refrigerator. She hadn’t failed to notice that Zelena had drunk most of the wine in her glass on the way down to the kitchen, but she chose not to say anything as she placed the bottle on top of the counter.

The little Yorkie ran in and the stupid little dog tried to bite Regina as soon as she saw her. Zelena was quick to scoop the dog up, shushing her to be quiet as she growled at Regina. “Now, now, Snow, you be nice to your Auntie Regina,” she whispered as if the little dog could understand her. “I don’t know why you two just can’t get along,” she said to Regina. “She is usually so sweet with everyone.”

“She was never sweet with me, Zelena. I still have a scar on my ankle that proves otherwise,” she said tightly. “Just keep that dog away from me.”

“You met her only once before,” Zelena said and she scolded the little dog as it began to growl again. “You are a stranger to her. If you’d just--” Zelena yelped in surprise as the dog bit her finger. “She was only a puppy then, Regina. She didn’t know any better. You can’t blame her for that.” Zelena paused to fix the ugly red bow tied to the tuff of hair on top of the dog’s head. “I’ll put her to bed. I’ll be right back.”

Regina rolled her eyes as Zelena walked out of the kitchen with the dog in her arms. Why on earth had she entertained the idea of even talking to her sister at all? It wasn’t something they did, especially not voluntarily. Regina grabbed two glasses out of the cupboard and poured them each a glass of cider. Zelena returned a few minutes later, sighing heavily as she picked up her glass and took a sip.

Zelena sat down at the table and Regina stayed by the counter for a moment before she joined her. It was quiet in the house and all Regina could hear was the soft hum of the refrigerator running. She hadn’t noticed it before, but her father’s reading glasses were sitting in the tray on the middle of the small table, right where he would always leave them in the morning after breakfast. The drink she held in her hand wasn’t strong enough as wave after wave of emotion just hit her hard.

“He was more of a father to me than mine ever was,” Zelena whispered. “You do know that, don’t you, Regina?”

“Of course I do.”

Zelena took a sip of her drink and sat back in her chair. “You’ve changed,” she said after a moment. “And not entirely in a good way either.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m merely being honest with you, Regina,” Zelena said with a small shrug. “I know how foreign of a concept that is for you, us being honest with each other, especially yourself. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I think you know exactly what I am talking about right now, sis.” She laughed lightly as she pointed at her and continued, saying one name Regina never thought she’d heard pass her lips, “Emma Swan.”

The way that her sister said Emma’s name, she _knew_. Regina swallowed hard, realizing with the way that Zelena was grinning at her that it was pointless to deny anything at all anymore. How Zelena even knew anything at all wasn’t all she thought of as she entertained the notion of staying there for that particular conversation. As much as she didn’t want to have that conversation, it was the way that Zelena just kept looking at her, as if she knew _everything_ that made her stay.

“You know what?” Zelena asked as she leaned forward. “You are such an _idiot_ , Regina.”

The statement caught Regina completely off-guard. She blinked as she stared at her sister. “Excuse me?” she asked. “I’m what?”

“You heard me,” Zelena snapped at her. “You are a bloody idiot, Regina Mills. You left her. You walked out on her _and_ her son.”

Regina didn’t say a word, not her usual sarcastic retort, nothing. As much as she hated to admit it, Zelena was right. She was an idiot. Her emotions thundered through her relentlessly and the lump that had been there since earlier continued to rise higher and tighter in her throat. Zelena was absolutely right. She was an idiot for walking out on Emma and Henry. She was a cowardly idiot because she had walked out and never even looked back.

“You’re right. That makes me an idiot,” she said quietly. “You are absolutely right, Zelena.”

“Why come back now?” Zelena questioned. “Just to bury Daddy?”

“That is exactly why I came back. I will be gone tomorrow after the funeral.”

“Of course. You have your own little life to run back to now, don’t you?”

“I came down for one glass,” she stated before she finished the cider quickly. “I am done and so is this conversation. I did not agree to this, Zelena.”

“To what?” Zelena quipped and she reached over to grab ahold of Regina’s wrist to keep her from walking away from the table. “You don’t want to hear your older sister give you grief about not only walking out on Emma Swan and her son but your own family as well?” Zelena shook her head and released Regina’s wrist. “You know, Daddy always kept up well informed about you, about your life, the things you were doing and where you were. Bloody hell, Regina, you haven’t even bothered to call anyone for years, Regina. Are you really that bloody fucking selfish?”

“I sent Robyn a card last year, just as I have every year on her birthday. Did she not get it?”

“Yes, she got it.”

Regina walked over to the sink and sighed as she rinsed out the glass. “Zelena, when I left, I never meant to walk out on the family, too. Things are the way that they are now because after I left,” she said and she paused for a moment before turning to look back at her sister, “I came to realize something about my life. Something that made me change it.”

“Mother and her meddling.”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Why do you think I am so bloody pissed off at you?” Zelena said, her voice rising slightly in anger and she struggled to stay quiet. “I hate that you took off because that sent Mother off on me. Me! You know very well how much I hate it when Mother meddles in _my_ life. It’s why I was always so grateful she was like that only with you before. The second you are gone? All hell breaks loose!”

“You know, it’s moments like this that remind me that I almost miss you sometimes, Zelena,” Regina laughed as the mood and the tension suddenly shifted between them. “Almost.”

“What have you really been up to, Regina?” Zelena asked. “Tell me. I want to know.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Doing what?” Zelena asked and she scoffed when Regina didn’t respond. “Now I get what Emma meant when she says you slam your walls right up. I get it. It really is obvious.”

“When the hell did you talk to Emma? Why are you even talking to her?”

“Oh, dear sister, you have no idea, do you?” Zelena chuckled. “Stay, have another glass, because it is time for a little story.”

“I am in no mood for your stories, Zelena. We have to be up and at the church before—”

“Oh, but how could you know anything when you never asked? Daddy said you never asked about us, not once. Emma and I are friends and not just because our children are friends. We talk. We get together with the other ladies and go to the Rabbit Hole for a girl’s night out every week. We go on camping trips in the summer because that is what our children want to do on their summer vacation. We spend birthdays and every holiday together because, well, you remember _why_.”

It was those last few words that kept Regina from walking out of there.

“Zelena--”

“You became her family and that means we became her family, too. You have no idea what you walked out on. No idea,” Zelena finished. “You idiot.”

“You have no right to--”

“To what? To call you an idiot, and believe me, you deserve to be called much worse. You’re a coward too, aren’t you? You walked away from everyone that mattered in your life, Regina. You walked away from your family, yours, a family of your own and because of what? A little fight?” Zelena scoffed but she wasn’t done yet. “Are you that damn selfish and stubborn to just admit it, even now, that the biggest mistake you’ve ever made is walking out on your family?”

_Yes._

“I am calling you out, dear little sister, I am calling you out for being an idiot _and_ a pussy. A coward.”

“What are we, children again, Zelena?” Regina jabbed with a roll of her eyes. “Resorting to name calling now, hmm? I see not much has changed over the years.” She paused as Zelena merely cackled but not because she found it funny. “I’d appreciate it if you do not talk about things that you do not understand.”

“You spent years lying about everything to everyone. Did you get tired of it? Of the denial that you constantly lived in? I have some news for you, little sis, Mother always knew about you and Emma, she just chose not to comment on it. Daddy knew too, though how much he did know, I’m not certain,” Zelena said and she took a rather large sip of her cider before she placed it down on the table in front of it. “He was never a man of many words, was he?”

“No. He wasn’t.”

“I asked you a question,” Zelena said sharply. “Did you grow tired of—”

“Stop, just stop, Zelena,” she sighed. “I regret everything that happened that night, more so of what happened the very next day. I regret the rest of it too, the lying and the denial as you said. I can’t take any of it back or change what happened. Is that what you want to hear? Because you are sorely mistaken if you expect me to apologize for any of it.”

“She told me everything. _Everything_.” Zelena deadpanned. “It wasn’t for a while, but then again, Henry and Robyn weren’t friends until about a year after you left when they ended up in the same class. But, the point I am trying to make here is that you broke her damn heart, Regina.”

“I know.”

The mood shifted between them again. The back and forth was tiring her out, mentally and emotionally. She didn’t really have the strength to deal with this at all, not here, not now. She idly ran her fingers along the glass she was still holding and put it down, shutting off the tap as she fought back her tears. Tears that came with just remembering that heartbroken look on Emma’s face when she left that night, the same one she had spent many years chasing away with a bottle and a handful of pills on occasion.

“Things would’ve been different if you had stayed,” Zelena said quietly and the bite that had been in her voice before was gone completely. “Everything changed. Mother changed, too.”

“Good for her. She’s still a bitch. Still just more of the same, if you ask me.”

“Do you know what really kills me?” Zelena asked with that bite back in her voice in a beat. “Emma is such a huge part of our lives now, more so since you’ve been gone, and the only thing that is missing is you being here in with, living through it with all of us. Especially with her. I know you loved her. I think you still do.”

The words were quite staggering as she was left in a state of shock and growing numb from hearing the words she never thought she would hear coming from her sister. It felt much like it had during that last conversation with her father in Boston a handful of nights ago. It felt surreal. Peculiar. Strange.

Her father had never mentioned Emma Swan, not once, but she knew why. She had asked him not to talk about anyone and he had done as she wished, never once mentioning anyone to her ever whenever they saw one another or spoke on the phone. Would it have been different had she known that Emma was still very much a part of their lives, that she was still a part of the family? For all she knew, Emma had moved on with her life, just as she had.

“Mother simply adores her, you know?” Zelena continued after a long moment of silence hung between them. “Henry, too, even when he’s being a little shit. The point is, Regina, you idiot--”

“Again, with the name-calling,” she sighed. “We are not children anymore, Zelena. You can’t speak to me like that.”

“Are you done?” Zelena quipped and she scoffed, giving Regina a pointed look. “Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed. There,” she sighed out in an overly dramatic way that grated on Regina’s nerves. “ _That_ is why you’re an idiot.”

“I agree,” a small voice said from behind Regina and she turned to find her niece lingering in the doorway. “You’re an idiot for letting her go.”

“Who asked you?” Regina asked, chuckling lightly as she looked at her now grown-up niece. “Hello, Robyn.”

“Thanks for the hundred bucks you sent with the birthday card. Got me and Henry to Boston--”

“Where they were then promptly picked up and nearly arrested for trying to sneak into a bar with a couple of fake ID’s,” Zelena added and she sighed heavily. “And it wasn’t the first time that I had gotten a phone call like that in the middle of the night because of those two. Hasn’t been the last either, I’m sure.”

“What? I just turned sixteen, Ma. Henry said it was my rite of passage to go to a gay bar for the first time. We weren’t going to drink or anything. I swear and besides, it was all-ages night, they weren’t even serving alcohol! All I wanted was to finally have my first kiss. My first kiss with a girl, I mean.”

“It wasn’t all-ages, it was over eighteen, what is your point, dear?” Zelena asked and she turned to Regina, her eyes wide as she pointed a finger at her. “Do you know what the point is, Regina? I’m sure this one will sound familiar to you, or maybe it won’t, but my own daughter did not want to live a life of denial like her dear Auntie Regina once did and she chose to embrace who she is and live as she should, as herself. Why, when she was twelve--”

“Ma!” Robyn groaned, clearly annoyed. “Isn’t that supposed to be my story to tell? Jesus, you are way worse than Grandma!”

“Robyn has a very lovely girlfriend now, Regina. You’ll meet Alice tomorrow at the funeral.”

“Ma!” Robyn sighed. “For the millionth time, her name is Ali. She goes by Ali, okay? God, you know that! How much have you had to drink tonight, huh? Seriously.”

Though she found herself quite amused at the scene playing out, it brought back that heavy and sickening feeling of guilt. She realized just how much she didn’t know about her family anymore and she hated that even knowing it was her fault and solely hers alone. It hurt. A lot. It hurt to hear her sister talk about Emma Swan the most. What else had she missed? _Everything_.

It was too late to fix the mistakes she’d made, too late to change the past. Ten years was a long time. Life was different now for everyone. It was just too late.

Wasn’t it?

 _Things would’ve been different if you had stayed_ , were the words that kept repeating in her mind as she tried to fall asleep a little later that night. How true was that statement? Regina truly didn’t know since Zelena hadn’t divulged much information and she hadn’t bothered to stay and ask either. Deep down she knew she was afraid of the truth and that’s why she hadn’t stayed in the kitchen, that’s why she hadn’t asked any questions. She had no idea what the truth could be, at least she hadn’t until Zelena had said the words that made her think otherwise.

_Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed._


	3. Chapter 3

It was warm that morning even with the lack of sun as it hid beyond the dark clouds in the sky. Regina arrived at the church just before nine alone after opting out of going along with the rest of her family in her sister’s car. She had been up since before dawn, barely having slept at all, and she’d been on her fourth cup of coffee by the time her mother had come downstairs after having showered and had dressed herself in a simple black pantsuit with her hair pulled neatly back into a tight bun, an outfit far too similar to the outfit Regina had put on earlier.

They barely spoke. They barely even looked at one another. The only thing her mother did say to her that morning was nothing more than a reminder for her not to be late for the funeral.

The church parking lot was packed when she arrived and now she knew why her mother had given her that none-too-subtle reminder not to be late that morning. Still, she pulled into the lot and was stopped by a uniformed police officer, who waved at her to stop. She saw dozens of people arriving, many standing around the entrance to the church, and she saw her family standing by the open doors as they greeting the mourners who had come to say their final goodbyes to her father.

“Excuse me,” the deputy asked as he rapped on her window with his knuckles. She rolled it down slowly and stared up at him. “Are you Regina Mills by any chance?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Great,” he said. “We have a few spots reserved for the family right over there,” he said with a friendly smile and pointed to the empty spot beside her sister’s lime green Charger. “You can pull in there,” he said as he motioned to the spot again. “You’re almost late, did you know that? The service is about to start shortly. You should hurry, Ms. Mills. Your family is waiting.”

“Almost isn’t late,” she muttered under her breath as she drove away, making the tight turn into the spot beside her sister’s car. “Idiot.”

Regina sat there for a few minutes as she worked up the courage to get out of the car and join her family at the front of the church. She picked up her cell phone off the passenger seat and turned it off, choosing to leave it in the car along with her purse. She locked the car and put her keys into the inner pocket of her blazer. She barely recognized anyone there as she made her way along the path up to the church where her family was waiting. There were a lot of people there, many still arriving, and it warmed her heart and made it ache deeply just knowing that there were so many people who loved and cared about her father just as she did.

It was inevitable that she would have to see Emma Swan for the first time in a decade as soon as she walked into the church, knowing she was already inside because she didn’t see her out there with her family. She wasn’t ready to see Emma yet, though she knew from the moment she woke up early that moment that it was something she had to do regardless of whether she was ready to or not. When she left New York the day before, she didn’t even think she’d have to see Emma, the thought that there was a shred of possibility that Emma was not only still in Storybrooke but still a part of her family never once crossed her mind.

Her nerves were making her bristle as she joined her family at the front door of the church. Zelena was sobbing, overly so, making quite a show as she dabbed at her eyes with a slightly soiled handkerchief. Her niece stood tall at Zelena’s side, rubbing her back as Zelena continued to sob. Her mother stood on the other side of Zelena, their arms linked together, and she greeted people as they arrived with a sad smile. Yet, before Regina could step forward to actually give her mother a sincere hug, two women she didn’t know came over and escorted Cora inside the church, which was when the tears only just then began to fall from her mother’s eyes.

Regina stepped back as a group of mourners approached Zelena, offering their condolences while completely ignoring her. She couldn’t blame them, of course, she’d been gone for a long time and it wasn’t that surprising that people didn’t recognize her after all that time. Her hair, which had always been long until her mid-twenties when she chopped it off, the longest coming just short of the bottom of her ears, was much different than what anyone in that town had seen before. She had kept her hair short that way for many years. She also hid behind big, dark sunglasses which would make her unrecognizable to just about anyone who did happen to remember her at all.

Regina looked around at the people still arriving at the church as they hustled to try and get inside before the service was due to start. She would’ve recognized him anywhere, Emma’s son, now grown up and far taller than she had remembered him. He walked across the parking dressed in slacks and a white shirt. He was now only a few months shy of turning sixteen and though he looked so much like the boy she remembered, his hair was long and shaggy and there was a hint of stubble on his older face. Dark sunglasses hid his eyes and he was so different and older now.

Henry didn’t even look at her and he walked straight up to Robyn and wrapped his long arms around her tightly. After a lengthily embrace, Henry slung an arm around Robyn’s shoulders with a cocky half-smile and Robyn reached up playfully to ruffle his hair.

“Hey,” Robyn laughed lightly and she pinched at his stubbly cheek. “I thought you were going to be late, Hen.”

“Never,” he replied, his voice deep. “Mom’s already inside. Forgot my phone. Is Ali here yet?”

“Yeah, she just went inside with her dad.”

“We should head in, yeah?”

They walked inside the church, Henry with his arm still slung over Robyn’s shoulders. Regina felt frozen she watched them disappear inside the church together. Nothing could’ve prepared her for how it felt to look at Henry all grown up. It was a deeply emotional feeling and an odd one too. The only memories she had of him were of from when he was just a young child. To see him almost all grown up now, it was something she hadn’t been prepared for. It made her dread how she would feel when she saw Emma for the first time.

It hurt that Henry hadn’t even looked at her. She expected it, but it still hurt and that hurt ached so very deep. She wondered if he’d even seen her at all and tried to calm her nerves by trying to convince herself that maybe he just hadn’t seen her. She deserved the cold shoulder from him, to be ignored because she deserved it.

Zelena waved over at her and turned to head into the church behind Henry and Robyn. She lifted her head with a sigh and focused on the sole little spot in the clouds above that had broken free for the first time that morning. Sunlight poured out for a brief second, illuminating a spot not far from the church’s tall steeple. Regina followed, heading up the few steps and into the entrance of the church and she was instantly overwhelmed by the number of people inside.

The church, while not large, served as the only house of worship in town. Regina had never seen so many people inside there before and it was just so overwhelming to walk inside and see so many familiar faces and some new ones, too. Regina walked up the center aisle up to the front where her family was gathered in the two front pews.

Ahead of her, Zelena was greeting people as she walked by and Regina followed her, albeit a little hesitantly as she walked by a few familiar faces who looked at her with surprise in their eyes. Nobody greeted her, not directly, and she slipped off her sunglasses to watch the two women escorting her mother help her take a seat down in the front pew.

And that was when she saw her. _Her_. Emma Swan.

Emma was sitting beside her mother, her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, and she was actively engaged in a conversation with her son who sat beside her. Regina’s breath hitched in her chest as Emma turned suddenly to look at Cora and Regina _saw_ her for the first time in over a decade.

Emma, oh Emma was still as beautiful as she’d always been and she didn’t look much different from what she remembered--or from the many dreams she had over the years. Emma had a sadness in her eyes as she reached out for Cora, offering a small smile before she turned back to her son and engaged in a quiet conversation with him. Gods, Emma looked _good_ in the blank pantsuit she was wearing even if she pulled at the blazer jacket a little uncomfortably. Regina could barely catch her breath at the very sight of her and she smoothed a hand down the front of her blazer before she mustered up enough courage to take those final few steps toward her mother.

“Regina, I told you not to be late, dear.”

“I am not late, Mother,” she said quietly as her mother stood up and pulled her in for a tight hug. She hugged her back and placed a small kiss on her mother’s cheek.

Her mother just responded to the small and loving gesture with a quiet sob before pulling her in for another tight hug. As she gave in and held her mother for a moment, she looked down at Emma and it caused an overwhelming surge of emotions to flood through her all at once. She was shaking as her mother stepped back and Emma rose up from the pew. It was the small smile laced with grief that Emma flashed at her that caused her to just fall into Emma’s open arms as if they hadn’t gone a day without seeing one another.

It was tense, at first, but it soon felt as if the last decade of tension and heartbreak just fell away as she melted into Emma’s warm embrace. The tears she’d been holding back began to fall as she buried her face into Emma’s neck, but it wasn’t tears caused by grief and mourning the loss of her father. It was tears that fell so suddenly because she realized, at that moment, that Emma stilled smelled the same as she remembered. Like vanilla, lilacs, and a hint of soap. She even _felt_ the same, soft, warm. Just _right_. Regina trembled as Emma pulled back from their embrace and lifted a hand to wipe at her own tears as they rolled down her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Regina. Your father truly was a wonderful man.”

Regina lowered her head as her mother urged her to take a seat next to her on the edge of the pew. Her heart was still racing from that hug with Emma and her senses were just as overwhelmed now as her emotions were. She swallowed past the rising lump in her throat as the reverend came to the front of the church, efficiently quieting the mourners with just a simple raise of his hand as he approached the podium with a somber smile.

[X]

Regina sat in her hot car in the cemetery as she waited for those who had parked around her to leave. She felt so drained from the service and then the burial where they placed her father in the Mills’ family mausoleum, and all she wanted to do was go home, curl up in bed, and mourn the loss of her father the only way she knew how. Alone.

Her patience was beginning to wear thin as she waited for the cars around her to move. Her mother and Zelena had already left and she was now wishing she had just gone with them in the first place. If she had, she wouldn’t be sitting there stuck waiting in her hot car on the narrow gravel road with the sun now shining brightly down from the sky as the clouds rolled out.

Her phone buzzed on the passenger seat beside her for the dozenth time since the funeral had ended. She’d been avoiding her phone completely all morning as she knew there’d be messages from clients she’d canceled meetings with at the last minute. She wasn’t one to do that, but she’d had no other choice as she had to be there to have her final goodbye and bury her father. She picked her phone up, about to check her messages, when she spotted Robyn and Henry amongst the few people left, walking through the cemetery on the grass, hand in hand.

Since that brief moment with Emma in the church, there hadn’t been another. Emma had kept her distance once they’d all gathered around the mausoleum and around her father’s casket. Even Henry hadn’t acknowledged her, not even when they all arrived at the cemetery and it was still breaking her heart over and over again. Still, she couldn’t blame him for the cold reception. She deserved nothing less, after all. Henry wasn’t the only one who all but ignored her. It seemed like everyone else was doing the exact same thing, too.

Henry was so very sweet with Robyn and Regina could see that they both cared a great deal about each other very much. She had briefly met Ali, Robyn’s girlfriend, when they were leaving the church. Ali was adorable and outgoing and she reminded Regina a lot of Emma when they’d first met. Though Ali had gone home with her father when the funeral had ended, Robyn had stayed behind with Henry and they walked and roamed about the cemetery together. She suspected the two were doing what she was unintentionally doing as well and they were avoiding going back to the house any sooner than they had to.

Zelena had made a point in announcing to everyone after the burial service that the wake would start in no less than an hour. Regina didn’t want to be there for it, but just as she reasoned with herself earlier that morning, she was there for her father and he would want her to be at the wake with her family, no matter how hard it was for her to be around them right now.

“Finally,” she muttered under her breath when the car that was blocking her exit began to drive off slowly ahead of her.

The drive down the winding gravel road through the cemetery further tested her patience as the cars ahead were driving slower than the posted speed limit. She tried to resist the urge to slam her foot down on the gas pedal as soon as she turned out onto the street and scowled as her phone began to ring for the umpteenth time in the last fifteen minutes she’d been sitting in her car.

 _Zelena_. She sighed as she ignored the call and drove down the street, making sure to take the long way back to the house because she didn’t want to spend any more time than she needed to there. Her luggage was already packed up, too, and all she needed to do was put it in her car before making the long drive back to New York City later. When her phone buzzed, she pulled over to read the texts that were coming in from her sister.

**Where are you?**

**I need you to stop at the store, please.**

**Mother has requested a few bottles of rosé.  
I forgot to go last night.**

**Regina? Stop ignoring me.**

**I am not ignoring you. I’m driving.**

**Can you pick up a few bottles, please?**

**Fine.**

**Anything else?**

Her last text went unanswered and she tossed her phone back on the passenger seat before turning around and driving toward Main Street. She parked out front on the street and walked inside the store, not bothering to remove her sunglasses as she hid her red and puffy eyes from the people around her.

She had cried harder than she’d ever cried in her life as her father’s casket had been carried into the mausoleum by the four pallbearers, Henry being one of them. And she was so emotionally drained that she didn’t have the energy now to stop the tears as they welled up in her eyes again. She blinked past them as she walked up and down the aisles in the store, attempting to cool off and destress as little as she aimlessly looked at the products on the shelves. As she approached the last aisle near the back where all the alcohol was stored, she took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down and to ignore the voices in her head that told her to pick up a few bottles for herself, too.

Just as she remembered, and much like the rest of the town, there were only two shelves of wine and there was still not much of a selection to choose from just as there never had been in the past either. Her fingers twitched as she picked up a bottle of rosé she knew her mother liked to drink and then she grabbed another, not sure how many bottles Zelena meant when she said a few.

“That is a good choice, this is a better one,” an older woman said with a raspy voice as she walked up behind Regina and reached for one of the more expensive bottles of rosé on the next shelf. She instantly recognized the older woman, Eugenia Lucas, the owner of Granny’s diner and the bed and breakfast. The old woman just chuckled as she picked up a bottle of the same rosé Regina had in her hand for herself. “Nothing like what you can get in the big city, huh?”

“Not at all,” Regina replied with a polite smile. “Thank you,” she said, taking the older woman’s suggestion for the more expensive bottles and put the others back. “I wasn’t really sure what to get. I--I don’t drink anymore.”

“Oh,” Eugenia said as she peered up at Regina from over the top of her glasses. “Hello, Regina,” she said as she finally recognized Regina and she smiled brightly. “How are you, dear? It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, it has been a very long time. It’s nice to see you again, Mrs. Lucas. How are you?”

“I’ve seen some better days, of course,” she chuckled lightly and reached for a second bottle on the shelf, slowly readjusting her glasses to read the label. She shook her head and turned to Regina with another smile, a sad one. “My condolences, Regina,” she said softly. “Your father was a dear friend.”

Regina hadn’t known that Eugenia Lucas and her father had been friends, so that was rather surprising news to her. She stammered as she looked down at the bottles in her hand and frowned as she said, “My condolences to you too, Mrs.--”

“Eugenia,” the older woman corrected her and she gently laid a hand on Regina’s shoulder before giving her a rather serious look. “Your father tried to call me Mrs. Lucas once. Damn near tore him to pieces with my bare hands. Same goes for you if you try and call me that again, you hear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Granny, stop.” Regina turned to see the older woman’s granddaughter Ruby rushing down the aisle towards them. “Sorry,” Ruby said as she laughed nervously and pulled the bottles out of her grandmother’s hands. “I’m so sorry,” she said almost breathlessly. “Granny hasn’t been quite herself lately. Ever since her second heart attack--”

“Oh hush, child, you had no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” Eugenia scolded as she grabbed the bottles right back out of Ruby’s hands. She turned to Regina with a sweet smile and then gestured to the flabbergasted brunette beside her. “You know my granddaughter, Ruby, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Regina replied. “We went to school together many years ago. Ruby, how are you?”

“Great, I mean, you know not today, but in general,” she said in a rush. “I’m so sorry about your dad. I know you two were close after you left.” Regina gave her a quizzical look before Eugenia tugged on Ruby’s arm impatiently. “We should get going. We’ll see you at the wake?”

“I’ll be there,” Regina replied flatly and she watched the two women as they walked off to the front of the store, bickering back and forth.

She avoided heading to the register until after the two women had walked out. She was beginning to see just what her sister had meant when she said that things were different. She’d seen it throughout the service at the church and then at the cemetery and she’d seen it now with her old high school acquaintance and her grandmother there at the store. She’d seen it too with her own niece and Emma’s son as it was clear that they were best friends, _family_ , and the love they had for one another was so very obvious in every little way. She’d seen the way that Emma and Henry just seemed to be a part of the family now and it felt so surreal just to see it that way at all. It shouldn’t feel that way, she knew that, because she also knew that things were the way they were because they were all family now.

And she had not been a part of that family as she was supposed to have been. As she was meant to be. Not anymore.

It hurt. It hurt deep. But the part that hurt that most was just knowing that it was her fault entirely that things were the way they were now. It was her fault that she’d been so stubborn and that she continued to be without fail. It was her fault she’d let that stubbornness lead her broken heart astray and it was her fault that--

“Hey!” the man behind the counter barked out at her. “Are you going to pay for that?”

Startled, she nodded and placed the two bottles on the counter and pulled out a few bills from her pocket. He scoffed and opened the register, sneezing into the crook of his elbow twice before he made change for her purchase with an irritated grumble. He passed her the change and placed the bottles into a paper bag. Regina winced at the next sneeze that came as soon as he handed over the bag.

It was more than twenty minutes later when she finally walked into the house, most of that time having been spent trying to find parking on the street as the driveway was full and the entire street was jam-packed with parked cars. It was the frustration of having to park on the next street over that left her cursing under her breath as she walked into the front door. She was late and she was hoping nobody, especially not her sister, would notice as she slipped into the kitchen and past dozens of people that were inside the house.

There was music playing from somewhere in the house and there was not one person she recognized on the walk to the kitchen either. She rolled her eyes as soon as she saw the dozens of bottles of wine already laid out on the counter and she took out the two she’d picked up from the store out of the bag and placed them down on the counter. She removed her sunglasses just as her mother waltzed into the kitchen holding two rather large jugs her father normally kept his homemade cider in.

“Ah, Regina! There you are!” Cora said with a slight slur to her voice. “Just in time for the toast!”

“What toast, Mother?” Regina asked and she watched her mother pull out a package of plastic shot glasses and began to line each one up on the counter. “What are you doing?”

“Preparing a toast for your father,” she replied with a wave of her hand and handed an unopened package of the shot glasses to her. “It is in your father’s will that we all have a toast in his honor with a special blend of his cider. I found some in the cellar--”

“You’ve already read his will?” Regina asked incredulously. “Why am I even surprised?”

“I was there when we both rewrote both of ours just last year. The reading of the will isn’t until tomorrow morning, dear. If you only had an inkling of how much it is costing me to have the lawyer come tomorrow morning instead of on Monday because you are leaving--”

Regina scoffed. “Nobody told me that the will was being read tomorrow morning, Mother.”

“I’m telling you now, dear.”

Regina clenched her jaw tightly. She tried her best to ignore her mother because it was clear she had started drinking and was feeling more than a little bit buzzed already. It was moments just like that that had been one of the many reasons she had gone a very long time without speaking to her mother, this time longer than the last, several years at least.

At the first whiff of the cider as her mother began to pour it into the plastic shot glasses laid out on the counter, Regina could feel the tears burning in her eyes as just the smell of it reminded her of her father. She placed the unopened package of shot glasses her mother handed her down on the counter and was about to turn to leave when her mother suddenly grabbed ahold of her hand.

“Your father recently invested in a brewery. He wanted to share the one thing he loved most, his cider. Did he ever tell you about that?” Cora asked, careful to keep her voice low as people suddenly started flooding into the kitchen. “Did he?”

“No.”

“He never told you because you never bothered to ask, did you?” Cora’s voice was tight and even. Cold. She cleared her throat and released the hold on Regina’s hand with a scoff. “Your father was a very stubborn man and he loved you, Regina. He loved you enough to respect that you wanted nothing to do with the rest of us when you left. He didn’t tell you because you never wanted to know, but I happen to know for a fact that he wanted to share this news with you for a long time. Now he never will get the chance to, will he, hmm?”

Cora stepped away suddenly as several women approached, coaxing Cora away as they insisted they continue preparing for the toast. Regina took the opportunity of her mother’s distraction to put as much distance between her and her mother as she possibly could and she walked out of the kitchen and past the growing number of people that were in the foyer. She was started when she ran into someone with an old familiar place.

“Regina, so sorry for your loss,” Marco said as he reached out for her hand for an awkward shake. “Your father always spoke so fondly of you.”

“Thank you, Marco.” Regina smiled at her father’s oldest and closest friend. “How are you?”

“Good, you?”

“I’m well, thank you.”

Marco smiled politely and walked off, greeting someone else as he disappeared into the crowd of people around them. Regina turned to the stairs, the anger she’d felt after the conversation with her mother in the kitchen subsiding a little after the brief conversation with Marco. She stopped at the bottom step when she heard another familiar voice in the crowd. That voice belonged none other than to Emma Swan.

“Marco,” Emma said, her voice cracking with emotion as she hugged the handyman. “How are you?”

“Good. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Emma replied and she hugged him again briefly. “I meant to ask the other day, but will you be able to come tomorrow to fix the pipes? They’ve been acting up again.”

“Of course,” he responded. “I will call before I come. Say around one?”

“Thank you, Marco.”

“Anytime, Sheriff.”

 _Sheriff_? Regina wasn’t sure what to think as she turned away from the stairs and headed into the den, thankful that it was empty and the guests that had been in there earlier had since retreated elsewhere in the house. Regina wandered around the den and noticed an odd, eerie light shining through in the midafternoon sun that came in the windows.

She could still hear Emma’s voice and the laughter that soon followed. Regina swallowed thickly as she turned to her father’s chair, suddenly drawn to it as sunlight bathed the chair with its soft, eerie, ethereal-like glow. She heard Emma still as Emma made her way through the foyer, engaging with the guests as she did.

Regina ran a finger along the double-stitched seam on the worn armrest. Memories of her father in that very chair rushed back to her all at once. It all rushed by in a blur and she stepped back as the sound of Emma’s laughter drew nearer. She held her breath nearly just as Emma chose that moment to walk into the den.

“Hey,” Emma said with an awkward smile. “Regina. How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” she replied. “You?”

Emma laughed a little as she took a few steps into the room. “All this small talk and pleasantries is kind of weird, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Dad--I mean your father wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“No,” Regina sighed. “He wouldn’t have. He would’ve hated all of this. He would’ve wanted this wake to be just with the family, not the whole damn town.”

“Your father is-- _was_ the type, who, outside of his work and family, enjoyed his time alone. This was one of the places he always went to when he wanted to be alone,” Emma said and she sniffled softly as she looked over at the chair still bathed in the sunlight streaming in through the window. Regina felt a few tears slowly slip down her cheeks as Emma sniffled again and wiped at her own tears. “I’m sorry, it’s just hard to believe he’s gone, I guess.”

Regina turned away from Emma and wiped at her own tears. She closed her eyes the moment she felt Emma’s hand fall upon her shoulder and her instinct told her to turn to Emma, to fall into Emma’s arms, much like she had back at the church. She didn’t, though, simply because it was different now. She shrugged off Emma’s hand and walked past her father’s chair to stand at the window. She only turned when she heard Emma step away and watched her as she took a seat on the sofa closest to the chair.

“Uh,” Emma said and she cleared her throat. “How long are you in town for, Regina?”

“Just until tomorrow now I suppose.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Why?”

“I just wondered,” Emma replied with a shrug. “It’s been a long time since you been here.”

Some things were better left unsaid and there were a lot of unspoken words in everything Emma had just said and didn’t say. Regina didn’t respond as now was not the time nor the place to bring up their past. Now wasn’t the time to talk about the things they should’ve talked about years ago.

Regina sighed heavily as she sat down in her father’s chair. She closed her eyes as she leaned back, grateful the tears had subsided, but new ones threated to fall. She pinched at the bridge of her nose and sighed again. Being around Emma was a lot harder than she had imagined it’d be and talking to her seemed impossible at the moment, too.

“He talked about you a lot,” Emma said quietly. “He was so proud of you and all that you’ve done, what you made of yourself. When he came back from Boston last weekend, all he did was talk about what you two had done and how wonderful it had been to spend time with you again.”

Tears came easily as she didn’t bother to fight them now. They were hot as they rolled down her cheeks. She turned her head, her eyes still closed, and inhaled deeply. Lingering in the worn leather of the chair was the faintest hint of her father’s cologne. Regina’s breath trembled as she tried to make sense of everything, especially since it was just so hard to believe that just a week ago she was driving up to Boston to meet her father for a weekend together just like they did every once in a while. It was so hard to believe that she’d never see him again, never hear his soft and caring voice, never hear his laugh just as she’d never see the twinkle in his eyes just before the laughter started.

It was just so hard to believe he was gone. It still didn’t feel real. It would never feel real and it would always feel as if that piece of her heart that belonged to her father died with him.

“Regina,” Emma said, her voice cracking with emotion. “Maybe now isn’t the right time, but I think that we should ta--”

“You’re right,” Regina said sharply. “Now is not the right time.”

“When will it be?”

“To talk?” Regina asked. “When will it be the right time to talk, Emma?” She sighed and wiped at her tears with her fingers angrily. “I don’t think there’ll ever be a right time.”

She could only sit and watch as Emma got up from the sofa with a small shake of her head. The lump in Regina’s throat grew tighter and she tried to swallow past it as the tears continued to fall. Her vision started to blur and her head was filled with a million different thoughts. There were a lot of things she needed to say to Emma and yet the words just didn’t come easy at all. All she could do was sit there and watch Emma walk towards the doorway and then she just left.

Without looking back.

Without saying another word.

Much like Regina had done to her a long time ago, too, when she just left.

It took Regina a long time before she could stop the tears. They weren’t just falling because of the shattering grief she felt over her father’s sudden passing. The tears fell because of Emma. They fell because of the guilt she harbored ever since she left that one night a long time ago. There was still a lot of unfinished business between them and there they were, a whole decade later, and they were still no closer to having that talk that should’ve happened a long time ago. The tears also fell because she knew, now more than ever, she knew that she was still very much in love with Emma Swan.

Like most of the last ten years of her life, she had tried so hard not to hold onto the past, but the memories were always there, rushing in, overwhelming her, invading her every thought. She had tried to move on, to heal her broken heart, but she had never stopped loving Emma Swan. The past would always be there, that much was certain, but it was the present and the future she was so very uncertain of. What little she had seen since her return home and what little she’d heard, too, her sister’s words from the night before rang clearer and truer than before.

 _Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed_.

There were so many things she could’ve done differently before, so many different ways that she could’ve dealt with the fight that had ended their relationship. She couldn’t take back all the things she’d done wrong in the past, to take back all the words that had been said that she still regretted to that very day. What she wanted now, most of all was to see just how different things truly were, and to try and make up for all the wrong things she had said and done and to try and make up for all the years she had been gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note, anything between [...] denotes a flashback scene

Storybrooke really and truly was the town that never changed. Regina realized that more so the next morning when she went to Granny’s diner early after another long and sleepless night. The wake had gone on well into the night, but only her parents’ closest friends and Zelena’s friends had stayed after the food was long gone.

Regina had gone to her room after the conversation with Emma, hiding away from the drunken laughter that all too soon carries its way throughout the house. It hadn’t even mattered how many times she told her sister she didn’t drink anymore, it all fell on deaf ears and it infuriated her to no end. Zelena did end up leaving her alone, but not after trying six times to get her to leave her room and join everyone in the dining room for drinks.

And she was just so _tired_ of crying. Everything in that house held memories of her father, and everything outside of the house, everywhere she looked, there was one thing right after the other that only served as a reminder of so many memories of her father.

So, there she was, just before seven in the morning and sitting at the end of the counter at the diner nursing a delicious cup of hot coffee. It was a futile attempt to avoid her mother and sister that morning because, on top of being tired of crying, she didn’t have the energy to deal with them yet. She wasn’t the only early customer in there either and she recognized a few of them as they’d attended the funeral and some she remembered from a long time ago when she used to work at the Rabbit Hole. Ruby was the only one working that morning and she had greeted Regina with a big, warm smile the moment she first walked in the door.

Regina turned as the bell over the door rang and she saw a man walk in and it the officer that had been in the church parking lot yesterday morning. He wasn’t in uniform, though his badge was pinned to his flannel shirt and he wore blue jeans and an old Boston Red Sox baseball cap. He waved and smiled at the few people sitting around the diner and approached the counter with a small and slight swagger in his step.

“Hey, August,” Ruby said as she strolled out of the kitchen. She smiled at the man as she wiped her hands on her apron. She turned and picked up a bag she’d packed up barely ten minutes earlier from behind the counter and placed it in front of him with a smile. “Threw a little extra in there for you this morning, just because.”

“You know you’re supposed to call me Deputy Booth when I’m on duty,” he chuckled. “How are you doing this morning, Ruby?”

“Great, you?” Ruby asked and she turned to grab a couple of Styrofoam cups that she quickly filled up with coffee. “Let me guess, rough night, Deputy Booth?”

“Just pulled a double shift actually. I get off in an hour. Wanted to have the good stuff ready and waiting for when Sheriff Swan shows up at the station soon.”

“Em’s been the sheriff for three years now and you’re _still_ kissing ass, August?” Ruby teased and placed the three cups into a cardboard tray. “You know Emma loves you. You are her best deputy. You don’t have to keep buying her breakfast. You and I both know that if she could, she’d promote you to deputy sheriff, but the town only needs one sheriff in charge here.”

“And she’s the best one to do the job if you ask me,” a man sitting at a table nearby said and the other man he was sitting with just laughed. “You, on the other hand, Booth,” he said as he raised a bushy eyebrow, “you could work on brushing up on your people skills.”

“Yeah, yeah,” August laughed and he took the tray from Ruby before picking up the bag on the counter. “Thanks, Doll. What do I owe ya?”

“I’ll add it to the tab.”

“And I’ll be sure to remind Emma to pick that tab up next time she’s in,” August said with a wink and he looked over at Regina and just smiled at her.

“Oh, so it’s Emma when it comes to paying the mile-long tab the sheriff’s station is racked up, but it’s Sheriff Swan when it comes to kissing ass, huh?” Ruby asked and they laughed. “I’ll be sure to bill her lunch to _your_ tab later, Deputy Booth.”

The deputy left, still laughing, and Ruby walked over to Regina with the coffee carafe and topped up her mug. Regina moved to sit at the table by the window as thunder cracked loudly outside. She watched the rain fall as it hit the window and she sipped her coffee as a memory, a strong one, came back and this time she didn’t fight it. She embraced it and remembered every little detail of the morning she had first met Emma Swan.

[…]

It had been raining steadily since early that morning, but the storm had only gotten worse when Regina had first walked into the diner with her best friend after they finished their very last exam. It was the last day of school and their senior prom was that night, though Regina wasn’t planning to attend as she did not have a date and did not want to be the third wheel again with Kathryn and Fred. That hadn’t stopped Kathryn from trying to convince her all morning to come, that it was a rite of passage for all seniors and that it was a once in a lifetime experience.

Regina hadn’t cared. She didn’t have a date and had no interest in having one. She did have the tickets, though, because Kathryn had talked her into buying them months ago. _“Get two, just in case, you never know you just might end up finding a date, Regina.”_

They’d stopped by the diner for a late breakfast after their exam before Kathryn was due for her appointment at the salon just around the corner. Neither of them had anticipated that the rain would turn into a full-blown spring thunderstorm and they were essentially stuck there until the storm eventually passed.

It had been a very overwhelming day and Regina had found it hard to believe that one era was coming to an end rather quickly. Another one would start in just a few months when she was expected to move to the dorms at the end of August and be ready to start her very first semester at Boston University School of Law as soon as September rolled around. Kathryn, however, had other plans as she’d told Regina a few weeks ago she was planning to take the next year off before attending the very same university the following autumn semester.

Kathryn and Fred were in the midst of planning their big road trip to California they were hoping to start before the end of the summer. A part of her was a little envious that Kathryn had the option of taking a year off before starting the next phase of her life. Regina didn’t have that luxury. She had been accepted into BU with a full-ride academic scholarship and it was one she simply couldn’t turn down because it meant she would leave Storybrooke for the first time in her life.

“You know, I could always call Fred and see if he’ll come pick us up,” Kathryn offered as she stared out the window at the torrential downpour outside. “Or, we could just walk? You could come to my appointment at the salon and keep me company? It’s not far.”

“You want to walk in that?” Regina asked incredulously. “Absolutely not.”

“Maybe not,” Kathryn winced as a loud crack of thunder shook the building. “Well, Fred is working this morning anyway. I could always call David.”

“Your incredibly annoying step-brother?” Regina asked with a roll of her eyes. “He won’t come. He hates both of us. Me, especially. We’d be better off risking the walk in that storm.”

“You’re right.” Kathryn frowned. “So, what do we do then? Do we just stay here and wait it out?”

“Do we have a choice, Kathryn?”

“No, I suppose we don’t. But, if I miss my appointment…” Kathryn trailed off, frowning deeply at Regina’s lack of concern over the chance of her missing her appointment to get her hair and makeup done for prom. “I just don’t understand why you aren’t coming tonight. You have already have the tickets, Regina. You don’t need a date to go to prom.”

“I told you many times already that I don’t even want to go. I don’t have a date. I don’t even have a dress, Kathryn,” Regina sighed. “Prom isn’t high on my list of priorities. You know that.”

“Neither was driving to our exam this morning, either.”

“My car is in the shop. There was nothing I could do about that, Kathryn, and you know that.”

Regina rolled her eyes just as Kathryn did. Her car, her father’s old Mercedes he had gifted to her last year on her seventeenth birthday, was in the shop for the next couple of days for its annual tune-up, tire rotation, and an oil change. It hadn’t even been raining that hard earlier when she first left the house, but that had all changed as the wind picked up and brought the storm raging in. The storm itself hadn’t even been in the forecast when she checked it earlier that morning either. Even if she had known, they were both limited on options to call someone for a ride.

Regina couldn’t even borrow her mother’s car that morning as her parents had driven it to pick her sister up from the airport in Boston since Zelena had been so adamant about flying in from London for Regina’s graduation ceremony on Sunday afternoon.

Suddenly the door slammed open and the bell hanging just above it nearly flew off the hook in the process. Regina looked over as the blonde-haired girl she’d never seen before came rushing in from outside, drenched from head to toe. Everyone in the diner suddenly turned their eyes onto the drenched girl standing in the doorway as she shut it with a loud gasp and shuddered. She looked to be about their age, Regina guessed, and she could not seem to take her eyes off of the blonde-haired stranger.

Regina couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of the stranger as she watched her push down the hood of her black sweater and push aside the wet strands of her hair away from her eyes. And she watched, even as everyone else went back about their own business, as the blonde-haired stranger pulled off her soaked hoodie, dripping rainwater all over the mat by the door before she casually hung it up on the coat tree and made her way over to the counter.

“Hey,” she said to Ruby as she hesitatingly sat down on the only empty stool at the counter. “Do you know where I can get a tow in this town?”

“The Marine Garage,” Ruby replied and she placed a mug down in front of her that she promptly filled with some hot coffee. “It’s just up the street.”

“I was just there,” the girl said and she groaned in annoyance. “They said their only truck is out on a call right now. Is there any other place I can call? Kind of have a bit of an emergency here. Blew a tire and spun out on the road just outside of town and ended up in a ditch. I also kind-of-may-have-hit-the-sign,” she finished in a rush. “Maybe?”

Regina laughed. She couldn’t stop herself. She ignored Kathryn’s intense glare and got up from the booth. “either you hit the sign or not,” Regina said as she walked up to where the blonde was sitting and took a seat once the man beside her left. “So, which one is it?”

“Come on, I barely clipped it,” the blonde replied cheekily. “So, is this a one tow-truck town then?”

“Unfortunately,” Regina replied as she languidly tucked a strand of her hair behind her hear. It was so hard for her to take her eyes off this girl and she couldn’t figure out _why_. Ruby scoffed from behind the counter before she walked off into the kitchen. She smiled at the stranger as she leaned against the counter casually. “Storybrooke is a small town, it’s barely on a map. Are you new here or are you just passing through?”

“Just passing through, I think,” she shrugged nonchalantly. “So, I’m shit outta luck, is that what you’re telling me?”

“Just until Michael gets back to the shop with the truck and responds to your call,” Kathryn said as she took it upon herself to join them at the counter. “Hi, I’m Kathryn. This is Regina.”

“Emma.”

“Join us?” Kathryn asked and Regina blinked as she turned to her friend with a questionable glare. “We’re stuck here too. We’re just trying to ride out the storm.”

“Yeah, well, I definitely wouldn’t recommend going out there right now, that’s for sure,” Emma chuckled. She slipped off the stool and followed Kathryn over to the booth and Regina was right behind them. She chose to sit next to Kathryn and sighed. “If my phone hadn’t died and if the ditch wasn’t flooding to the point where I feared I’d drown, I would’ve just stayed out there until I could get myself out. Seemed safer to try and find some help instead.”

[…]

Remembering that morning also brought back a lot of other memories with it and ones that Regina wasn’t quite ready to revisit just yet. It felt different though than all the other times she’d thought back to that particular memory now that she was back there in Storybrooke. Back in the very place where her and Emma’s story had first begun all those years ago.

She remembered how, just hours after they first met that morning, and after Kathryn had finally left for her appointment at the salon, they sat in the diner and talked. It had been so easy to talk to Emma and it felt like they were a couple of old friends just catching up after a long time apart. Emma had been so insistent that they crash Regina’s senior prom together that night, too. For a long time, she had been so against going to prom even long before it was relevant for just about everyone else in her class, long before anyone worried about finding a date or the perfect dress to wear. It hadn’t taken much convincing from Emma, however, and they ended up going together that night. It ended up turning into a night Regina hadn’t forgotten for years.

Emma had been a breath of fresh air for her at the time. Emma had been everything that was the complete opposite of her life. Emma had taken her to a height she never imagined possible and Emma had been an awakening for her when she realized that if Emma had been a guy, she would’ve been the guy her parents hated and chased away because he wasn’t good enough for her. Yet, her family had always loved Emma, even from the first time she showed up at the house the morning after prom with Regina in her arms. She had practically carried Regina home at five that morning and put her to bed, just as she promised she would after Regina agreed to go to a party they’d been invited to.

It was clear her family still loved Emma just the same to that very day, too, possibly even more so than ever before.

Regina still, after all these years, wasn’t sure what had made her agree to Emma’s idea of crashing her senior prom or how she ended up actually going through with it in the end. It had been the first time she’d ever felt a spark with anyone, not that she ever went on dates or anything before that. The kiss they shared just before sunrise and just before Emma put her to bed early that morning was a moment that Emma never spoke of for a long time afterward. It was a moment though that Regina had dreamt of to that very day. She remembered it just as well as their second kiss, which Emma claimed to be their first as if that morning after prom had never happened at all, and that kiss had come the day that Emma told her she was pregnant just before Christmas, seven months after they’d first met.

She remembered the days that led up to that moment too because it was a very defining moment in their lives and for their relationship. She had known for months that she was in love with Emma Swan, but she’d been so scared of her own feelings and she hadn’t been able to tell Emma how she really felt as she planned to when she came home from school for Thanksgiving. She’d been scared for a multitude of reasons, scared about how her family would react knowing that she was in love with another woman, scared because she’d never been in love before, and scared because even though they hadn’t spent much time together since she’d left for school at the end of August, she was afraid of losing Emma if she confessed how she truly felt about her.

It wasn’t until that morning that changed _everything_ and it was one memory that Regina had tried to forget for a long time after she first left, but it was also one that was rushing back to her, clear as day, just as the memory of the first time they met had hit her moments ago.

[…]

She was going to tell her. She had to. She just couldn’t keep it inside of her any longer and she’d already chickened out the last time she’d been home for the holidays less than a month earlier. Regina took a few deep breaths and climbed the stairs at the inn, approaching the door of the room where Emma had been staying since her arrival in Storybrooke at the end of May.

She had never felt so nervous and so excited all at once before. She was still so scared, too, because she wasn’t sure how to was going to tell Emma how she felt, that she was in love with her and had been for quite some time, but she knew she needed to do it before it simply drove her insane with the simple thought of what if. What if she told her? Would she lose a friend or gain a lover? What if she didn’t tell her? Would she spend years, if not a lifetime, wondering? Wondering _what if_?

Regina undid the buttons on her heavy wool jacket and dusted off the snow that had fallen on her shoulders outside. She tentatively lifted a hand and knocked on the door once before she reached for the handle and opened it. Emma didn’t even know she was coming there and she certainly didn’t expect to walk in that room to find Emma laying on the bed with her face buried into a pillow as she cried hard.

“Emma?” Regina said quietly as she shut the door behind her. She shrugged off her jacket and laid it over the chair beside the door. “Emma, are you all right?”

“No.”

Regina frowned as she crossed the short distance over the room towards the bed. She reached out and rubbed Emma’s back, feeling the sobs that wracked through her body at the small touch. Not knowing what to say or how to comfort her because she wasn’t sure what was wrong, Regina kicked off her books and moved to lay beside Emma on the bed. When Emma finally lifted her head from the pillow a few minutes later, Regina just smiled as she continued to rub a hand over her back ever so gently.

“What are you doing here?” Emma whispered.

“I came to see you. I--I wanted to talk to you about something, but I think that’s not such a great idea, not when you’re upset.”

“Upset is the understatement of the year,” Emma scoffed. “Wait. You’re here. You’re home. When did you get back?”

“Late last night. I left right after my last exam.”

“Oh.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“It’s not really a surprise when I already knew you were coming home, just didn’t know when since I thought you weren’t coming home until tomorrow,” Emma laughed a little and she tried to blink away the tears that continued to fall. “Nice surprise, though I’m sure you’re more surprised to see me. Bet you didn’t expect to find me like this, crying my eyes out and all.”

Regina sighed and lifted a hand to wipe away some of Emma’s tears from her cheeks. She hadn’t seen Emma since they spent Thanksgiving together with her family, and before that, she hadn’t seen Emma since just before she left for Boston at the end of August. They hadn’t even kept in touch for those three months as she’d found out three weeks after the semester started that Emma had taken off on a road trip with Ruby.

Regina hadn’t forgotten when Emma’s birthday rolled around in October, but with no way to contact her, she couldn’t send a card or even call her to sing her happy birthday. She wanted to do something special for Emma since she had learned over the summer all about Emma’s life as an orphan. She wanted Emma’s seventeenth birthday to be one she’d always remember and one that made her feel special and loved. Regina blamed the strange bout of depression she fell into right after Emma’s birthday on the fact that she hadn’t been able to do just that, though now she knew exactly how she felt, she knew it was for a whole host of other reasons, too.

“You’re staring,” Emma murmured. “What, do I have a booger coming out or something?”

Regina laughed and shook her head no. “I’m sorry,” she whispered and her heart started to thud harder and faster in her chest. ”I--I didn’t mean to stare.”

Emma managed a small smile; the first real smile Regina had seen since she got there. Regina ran her thumb gently over Emma’s cheek after realizing her hand was still cupping her face gently. With a sharp inhale, Regina wet her lips and leaned forward. She captured Emma’s lips in a soft, lingering kiss and one Emma pulled back from in surprise after a few blissful seconds.

At first, she thought she was being rejected and she could not open her eyes, not even when Emma reached up a placed a hand over hers that was still resting there on her tear-stained cheek. She still couldn’t open her eyes, not when Emma gently pulled her hand away with a soft sigh.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Emma whispered and Regina could feel Emma’s hand trembling against hers as she held on tight. Regina’s lips were still tingling in the aftermath of their short kiss and she blinked open her eyes to finally look at her. “Regina, I need to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything,” Regina replied quietly. Emma shuddered as she leaned back on the bed, putting a little bit of space between them. She looked down at the hand Emma was holding onto and easily intertwined their fingers. “Whatever it is, you can tell me, Emma.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Regina closed her eyes again, fighting back her own tears as she just reached out and pulled Emma close to her. She just held onto her, rocking her gently, and she felt her tears escape the moment Emma buried her face into her neck. Hot tears spilled from Emma’s eyes onto Regina’s skin, soaking the collar of her shirt. Emma sniffled after a moment and shook her head as she pulled back away from her with a frown.

“How could I have not known?”

“How far along are you?” Regina asked tentatively. She tried to remain calm and nearly forgot the whole reason she had come there in the first place. Telling Emma how she felt about her, telling her that she was in love with her, it seemed pointless now as Emma was pregnant. _Pregnant_. “Emma? How far along are you?”

“A month,” Emma exhaled sharply. “That’s what the doctor told me when I went to the clinic yesterday. I--I took a test a few weeks ago, but it wasn’t positive. I took it a few weeks ago because something just--I just had this feeling that something was wrong. Off, you know? The doctor at the clinic took two blood tests then did a few other tests to confirm my diagnosis.” Emma wiped furiously at her tears as she suddenly sat up next to her. “I had to have that test, all of them, with that creepy doctor, Dr. Whale. You know him?”

“Always a pleasure,” Regina said bitterly as her own memories of the doctor weren’t pleasant at all. “Emma, what are you going to do?”

“I’m seventeen,” she sighed. “I don’t know. It’s early enough that I could just get rid of the baby. It’s not really a baby yet, you know? It’s the size of a peanut, really.”

“You would have an abortion?”

“Seems like the best and only option, doesn’t it?” Emma half laughed, half sobbed. She wiped her tears on the sleeve of her shirt and shook her head as anger settled in. “I’m an orphan, Regina. I have no family. I have nobody. I can’t raise a kid by myself.”

“You have me.” The offer came quick and it came easy. Regina smiled as she reached for Emma’s hands. Emma shook her head again and pulled her hands away almost immediately. “I am serious, Emma. You have me. You are not alone in this.”

“You’re in school. In Boston.”

“Your point, dear?” Regina asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly at her. “Boston is not that far. I can come home as much as my schedule allows. Besides, I am home now for another month before the second semester starts.”

“And what am I supposed to do, Regina? Live here?” Emma asked and she waved around at the small room incredulously. “I can’t raise a baby in a bed and breakfast. That’s ridiculous.”

“I’m sure Granny won’t mind.”

“She will when I run out of money,” Emma muttered under her breath. “Honestly, Regina, how can I even be a mother when I never had one myself? I don’t know if I can even be a mother. How can I even raise a kid when I’m still basically a kid myself, huh?”

“You’ll figure it out,” Regina replied and she reached for Emma’s hands once again, smiling when Emma didn’t immediately pull away this time. “ _We’ll_ figure it out. I promise.”

“We?” Emma looked absolutely utterly confused and Regina couldn’t help but laugh at the look on her face. “You said we. We’ll figure it out? We will?”

Regina smiled and leaned in, closing the small distance between them to place a soft and chaste kiss on Emma’s trembling lips. “Yes, I did. We will figure this out,” she whispered, not quite pulling way, not quite _wanting_ to pull away. “I can help you find a place to live if you want to stay in Storybrooke. I--I can even take a year off of school and stay here with you, or wherever you end up, and we will figure this out together.”

“Are you crazy?” Emma laughed. “You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will.”

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“I’d do it for you, Emma,” she whispered. “I would do anything for you.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I’m crazy about _you_ ,” Regina admitted and she felt her cheeks instantly grow hot. It wasn’t quite the way she planned to tell Emma, but she’d said it nonetheless as nothing about this surprise visit had gone quite to plan anyway. “Gods, Emma Swan, I am so crazy about you. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before, things I never knew were possible to feel at all. I am in love with you.” Regina inhaled deeply as she stared into Emma’s eyes, waiting for Emma to say something and when no words came, she laughed in spite of herself. “I wanted you to know that I thought I knew that I was in love with you before I left in August and I knew for certain that I was--that I am in love with you when I came home for Thanksgiving. I’ve never been surer of anything else in all my life, Emma Swan, and if that makes me crazy, then--”

Emma cut her off with a kiss, one that was nothing like the other two they’d just shared. It was hard, it was deep and full of passion, full of emotion. It set Regina’s whole body on fire and made her heart race impossibly fast--faster than it’d been when she first walked in the door. She gripped onto the front of Emma’s plain white shirt and gasped as Emma kissed her even deeper and she pulled back a moment later, her chest heaving heavily, and her lips already aching for _more_.

She had not expected for Emma to react quite that way. It had been all she hoped for when she thought about how this revelation would play out and yet it still came so unexpectedly. It blew her away far more than Emma’s confession that she’d just found out she was pregnant. Regina looked down at her hands in surprise as they were still grasping tightly onto the front of Emma’s shirt. Despite the fact that all she wanted to do was to keep kissing her, she released the hold she had on Emma and tried to ignore the need to want to kiss her just long enough to forget about the rest of the world for a little while.

“Are you sure?” Emma asked. Her voice was tentative and unsure. All Regina could do was glare at her, _idiot_ repeating itself over and over in her head as she smiled at Emma like a damn fool in love. “Okay, okay!” Emma laughed, but the laughter quickly died as a frown fell upon her face. “I have to tell him, don’t I?”

“Who?”

“The baby daddy.” Emma sighed and she moved away from Regina, standing up from the bed. She exhaled sharply as she ran her fingers through her long hair before wiping away the last of her tears that lingered on her cheeks. “You remember? You remember the guy that I told you about on Thanksgiving, right? The asshole that nearly got me thrown in jail for a year?”

“Are you sure that it is his?”

“He’s the only one I’ve ever been with, Regina. Of course it has to be his.”

The asshole’s name was Neal Cassidy, a guy Emma run into on her road trip to the west coast a few months back. Emma had told her the whole story about him over Thanksgiving and Regina still remembered how deep that cut hurt in her heart just hearing Emma talk about how she thought she’d been in love with him when everything literally fell apart into pieces. That asshole had taken Emma under his wing the first time, just days after she first ran away from the last group home she’d been in, and much like the first time, it ended in nothing but trouble for her.

The first time, that asshole left her stranded in a motel room she couldn’t pay for and ended up running from that. It was the whole reason she’d ended up in Storybrooke, Maine that fateful morning in the first place. The second time that _asshole_ left her, he tried to make her take the fall over twenty-thousand dollars’ worth of rare and expensive watches.

Now, here she was six weeks later, back in Storybrooke and pregnant with his child. Seventeen years old and pregnant.

When Emma told her the story about Neal Cassidy at Thanksgiving, and Regina remembered that conversation well because it had become the only other thing she could think about these days, she remembered how she had wished she’d told Emma how she felt _before_ she’d even left for Boston back in the summer, thinking that maybe Emma never would’ve gone on that road trip with Ruby Lucas and that maybe Emma never would’ve run into Neal Cassidy at all. She thought that if Emma had known, everything would’ve been different. She didn’t expect this, however, to come back home ready to confess her feelings for Emma only to find out she was pregnant.

Emma had gotten lucky. She’d managed to get a state-appointed lawyer that helped proved she was innocent and once the charges were dropped and she was in the clear, had managed to find her way back to Storybrooke just in time for Thanksgiving.

Emma could’ve gone anywhere she wanted from there and yes, there she was, back in Storybrooke and pregnant. Neal was in jail and Emma was still stuck with him, even trying to get as far away from him as she could, and she was stuck with a part of him. A baby.

“Then tell him,” Regina said, not once taking her eyes off of Emma as she paced the floor in front of her. “It is the right thing to do.”

“I’d really rather not,” Emma scoffed. “He’s nothing to me now, Regina. He _used_ me. He’s nothing more than a freakin’ sperm donor if you ask me.” Emma stopped pacing, her anger burning so brightly in her eyes. “He set me up! He was willing to let me take the fall, to do time for his crime. He barely even looked at me in court that day. He has no remorse. Nothing! Do you really think, even if he wasn’t in jail right now, that he’d even help me raise a kid? A baby? He’ll turn out to be just another deadbeat father, just like his was.”

Regina could see how terrified Emma was in that very moment. She couldn’t even imagine. Afraid and alone. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what it felt like, either, to be pregnant at seventeen without the father of her child in her life, without a family of her own to help her, with nothing more than the clothes in her back and whatever was inside the car she’d “borrowed” from Neal when she left Seattle. She couldn’t even imagine what was going through Emma’s mind and all she could think about was how much she wanted and _needed_ to help Emma through it all. To be there for her when she had no one else.

She was willing to give up everything for her. So willing. She was in love with Emma Swan and she wanted nothing more than to be there with her through every step of this next journey in her life.  She wanted to be with Emma in every way. She wanted to fall asleep with her and wake up next to her in the morning day after day. She wanted more than a friendship with her. She wanted to be able to kiss her whenever she wanted and to say those three little words every time she felt that full feeling in her heart and those butterflies taking flight in her stomach just as they did whenever she was near her.

“It’s your choice,” Regina said, breaking the silence that had settled between them. “Tell him or don’t. Just know one thing, Emma Swan, I am here for you in every way and I will support whatever decision you make. Just know one other thing,” she said, pausing as Emma stopped pacing the floor again to look at her. “You don’t have to make that choice today. You still have some time.”

“I’m just so scared, Regina,” Emma whispered. Her tears began to fall again as she sat back down next to Regina on the bed. “I’m so fucking scared. How can I take care of a baby? What if I do something wrong and screw his whole life up? I can’t give him up, either. Look how well that turned out for me. Growing up as an orphan isn’t something I’d wish on my greatest enemy.”

“Him? Isn’t it too early to know if it’s a boy?”

Emma shrugged. “Feels like a boy. It’s stupid, isn’t it? I’m like a month along and not even the doctor can tell what it is yet. It could be a boy or a girl or some kind of demon monster from hell.”

Regina couldn’t help but laugh as she reached for both of Emma’s hands gently and intertwined their fingers, loving how easy it felt just to do that now and how Emma just _let_ her. “It’s not stupid and it isn’t a demon monster from hell, either,” she said lightly. “As I said before. You don’t have to do this alone, Emma. I’m here. I’m here for you and for the baby. We are in this. Together.”

[…]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to thank everyone who has been leaving comments and kudos! I will continue to reply to all of your comments if I can. Hope you enjoyed this chapter 😀


	5. Chapter 5

Everything had changed that day, their lives, their future, their relationship, _everything_.

Except Emma never told her if she felt the same or even how she felt that day. That didn’t come until much later on. That came just a few weeks later when they spent New Year’s Eve together alone in Emma’s room at the inn. It was the first time Emma ever said those three little words and it had come just an hour or so after midnight when they’d been laying together on the small bed trying to fall asleep.

They had spent the rest of winter break together and Regina remembered just how hard it had been to go back to Boston when it was time. She finished her first year at university with Emma coming to visit when she could and those visits had been far and too few of them until the semester ended in the spring. By the time spring break had rolled around and Regina returned to Storybrooke for those ten days, she had bought a house with Emma, a little house, 815 First Street. She’d drained her savings for the deposit on the house and planned to move in when she came home after the second semester finally ended early in June.

Her mother was furious, of course, when she found out about the house, furious about how Regina had left school to come back home for Emma and her baby that was due in August. And of course her mother didn’t know at the time the true nature of her relationship with Emma as that would’ve played out far differently in the end. No, Cora had been furious over the very fact that she’d used that money meant for the next four years of university as extra funds to instead buy a dingy little two-bedroom house with Emma Swan.

Their relationship at that point when they bought the house had been so very innocent. Regina hadn’t quite been ready to take things to the next level and Emma was always so very patient during that time. Emma was always so patient. Nothing went beyond the hours they spent just making out, whether it be in the bed or on the couch in the living room. When Emma pushed for more, she would stop if Regina was even the least bit apprehensive. That all ceased after Emma was seven months pregnant as she was moody and irritable all the time. It had been Regina’s turn to be patient and her patience wore thin far too many times to count.

Looking back on it now, years and years later, she knew that their first months together had only made their relationship stronger in the end. It’s what made it that much more special when they were intimate for the first time a few months after Henry was born.

Outside of the walls of 815 First Street, their relationship was complicated at best. Emma had been more than patient and tolerant, going along with the little lies and denial that came along with hiding their relationship from everyone. Regina, in particular, was so terrified of her mother finding out if she knew she was not only in love with another woman, in love with Emma Swan, but also having her find out about the intimate side of their relationship. They had been so very careful even when they were in the sanctuary of their own home and it caused a lot of frustration for both of them for very different reasons.

And outside of the walls of 815 First Street, everyone only knew them as best friends, as roommates as they claimed to be when asked, and Regina’s family invited Emma to every birthday, to barbecues in the summer months, to regular weekly family dinners, and holidays. Regina’s family had become Emma’s family under false pretenses, really.

It hadn’t just been her mother that Regina was terrified of finding out the true nature of her and Emma’s relationship. It was everyone. It was her whole family, her friends, and the whole town. Being gay wasn’t normal, at least that was how she perceived it growing up in such a small, closeted, close-knit town where every girl married the boy they dated in high school or met in college, and settled down to have a family just as all the generations did before them.

It was laughable now because everything was so different. Regina didn’t live her life in the closet anymore. Though she wasn’t openly vocal about being gay, her friends and colleagues in the city knew. Her father had known for years since he’d shown up for a surprise visit and walked in on Regina and another woman in her bed. He had barely batted an eye, barely said a word about the woman in Regina’s bed, and he’d even gone as far to invite that woman along to dinner with them, an invitation that Regina had rebuked instantly because that woman, she was just another one-night stand.

Looking back at her relationship with Emma Swan now, all five years, three months, and nineteen days of it, she knew she’d had plenty of opportunities to come out to her family, to be herself, to be with Emma openly as she did within the privacy of their own home, but not once had she ever taken advantage of that opportunity. All because she’d spent all those years terrified. A coward.

Or, in the words of her sister, an idiot.

And looking back now, she knew she’d been in denial too over the fact that everyone _knew_ and nobody ever said a word. Everyone _knew_ they weren’t just best friends and roommates. Everyone _knew_ they were in love with one another, completely inseparable, and that they loved each other unconditionally. It wasn’t until after Emma had the baby that things had changed, especial with Cora.

Cora doted on the baby as if it were her own grandchild. She adored Henry right from the start and she spent a lot of time at the house in those first few months helping Emma adjust to her new life as a young mother. Cora was there almost every day until the week before Thanksgiving and though her help had been needed and much appreciated, it made Regina’s relationship with Emma that much more difficult and strained. They hadn’t been able to sleep in the same bed out of Regina’s fear that her mother would catch them together, and Henry’s crib stayed in the bedroom during those months and his room, meant to be his nursery, became Regina’s room during that time.

The first time they’d been intimate was just shy of a year after Regina first confessed her feelings to Emma. It had been beyond amazing and long overdue. They’d taken the baby to Regina’s parents’ house for the night upon Cora’s request that they give themselves a night off. After they’d made dinner together, dinner they barely touched as it was Emma who started it all and it had been Regina who pushed them past the boundaries where they normally would stop. That night changed their relationship completely, it brought them to a whole different level of intimacy that was new for both of them and one they chased nearly every day that followed up until the day Regina had left and never looked back.

Despite all the lies, the denial, the secrets, their relationship had been _real_ and it had been intense, too. Regina regretted everything now, wishing things had been different, wishing she hadn’t been such a _coward_. She wished she hadn’t left the way she did, either, but it was too late now to fix things, to change the way things had been, but she was still holding onto hope deep down inside that it wasn’t too late to make amends, amends that should’ve been made many years ago.

Ten years was a long time and Regina had spent those ten years searching, trying to find something just a little bit close to what she had with Emma. She had chased after love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people. It was how she ended up with so many one-night stands with women she’d met in bars, in clubs, and with a few of those women, it resulted in short-term relationships that never lasted more than a couple of months at best. None of the women she’d been with in the last decade came close to Emma Swan.

It didn’t matter that those few women she’d chased after in hopes of finding love again were beautiful, successful, and great in bed. They all were missing something, missing that spark Emma had ignited within her. It was why, in the last year, she had given up on pursuing relationships completely, choosing to dive deep into her work, into her practice, and took on far too many cases that kept her busy all the time.

Keeping busy had kept her thoughts from wandering down memory lane. Keeping busy had also gotten her to stop drinking completely, too, though she wondered if that part came a little too late.

It dawned on her as she finished her coffee just why that conversation with Zelena had cut so deep, why it had stung so much. Zelena had been right about one thing. She truly was an idiot for walking out on Emma all those years ago. Pretending to move on with her life had been easy, for a little while, but she could no longer pretend that she had moved on completely nor could she pretend that she wasn’t still in love with Emma Swan.

Because she was. She was still so hopelessly in love with her that just thinking of never having that chance to make amends, never having a chance to have Emma back in her life, it crushed her very soul and made her already broken heart ache endlessly.

Being back in Storybrooke, seeing Emma again, it brought those feelings rushing back up to the surface where she could no longer bury them as easily as she had before. She couldn’t. She didn’t _want_ to.

“Would you like another coffee?” Ruby asked as she approached Regina’s table. She flashed a friendly smile as Regina just nodded and slid her mug towards her. “Ready to order some breakfast yet?”

“Not just yet, Ruby,” she replied. “This coffee is so much better than I remember.”

“New supplier,” Ruby chuckled. She poured the coffee into the mug. “Never thought I’d see you back here after you left.”

“Didn’t think you’d still be here working for your grandmother after all these years,” Regina jabbed back at her former classmate. “Didn’t you always talk about wanting to get out of this town as fast as you could?”

“Granny had a heart attack the fall after graduation. I’m sure you remember,” Ruby said with a heavy sigh. “I stayed to help her out around here. She had another one last year just after Easter. The doctor wants her to stop working, but you know Granny. That stubborn woman is gonna work until she literally drops dead on the floor.”

Regina frowned. “She’s doing all right now, isn’t she?” she asked. “When I saw her yesterday, she seemed to be doing well.”

“She has her good days and her bad days,” Ruby replied with a small shrug. “When you’re ready to order, just give me a holler, all right?”

Regina nodded and took the menu Ruby placed down on the table before she walked away. She looked down at the small menu and couldn’t help but smile to see that it too hadn’t changed at all like the rest of the town. It was still the same menu as it had been ten, fifteen, twenty years ago and the only difference was that the prices had changed throughout the years. She looked up when she heard the bell ring over the door and her eyes landed on the one person who had been invading her very thoughts that morning.

If Emma saw her sitting there, she didn’t acknowledge her, and she walked straight over to the counter and greeted Ruby with a bright smile. Emma sat down on the stool when Ruby motioned that she’d be right with her and much like the first time Regina ever laid her eyes on Emma Swan, she just couldn’t look away. She just couldn’t take her eyes off the woman who still owned her heart and her very soul.

“Hey,” Emma said after Ruby finished up with another customer and bounced over to her. “Can I get the usual to go, please? Running a little late this morning.”

“Your butt-kissin’ deputy was just in here a little while ago. Got the usual waiting for you down at the station already.”

“Jones was here?”

“Nah, August dropped by. Put a little extra in there for you, too, Em.”

“Which I’m sure he’ll take credit for.”

“For sure.”

Emma laughed and it was a sound that resonated through Regina and stirred up something deep inside of her she wasn’t sure she was ready to feel again. She tried to tune her out, to ignore her and she stared intently down at the menu trying to decide what to order for breakfast, and yes, even over the din of chatter from the other customers, Emma’s voice was still so clear as if it was the only one her mind was willing to hear in that very moment. It didn’t matter that she tried to tune her out, to put her focus elsewhere, she just couldn’t push her away. She also couldn’t stop herself from looking up over at Emma and just drink in the very sight of her.

“How’s Henry this morning?” Ruby asked as she grabbed a cup and poured Emma some coffee. She waved her off when Emma refused. “You have time, Em. Your shift doesn’t start for another ten minutes, right?”

“Right,” Emma replied. “Don’t know how Henry is this morning, honestly. Kid was still sleeping when I left. Typical teenager. Taking full advantage of his summer vacation by sleeping in past noon. He’s worse than me on a day off after pulling a few double-shifts in a row.”

They laughed and the second Emma turned on the stool and looked over in her direction, Regina looked back at the menu again in a hurry. She didn’t look up from the menu until she was sure that Emma was no longer looking over at her.

Henry. She remembered how Emma had chosen his name, choosing to name him after her father. It wasn’t even something they’d discussed at the time, it was just the name she had announced a day after he was born when the hospital told her she needed to have a name on the birth certificate. Regina still remembered how ecstatic her father was that Emma named the baby after him. She didn’t even know until the day after that when her father came to pick them up from the hospital that Emma had named her son after him, not until Emma had blurted it out in the car. It had taken her by surprise, her father too. He said it was a great honor and one he didn’t feel he was worthy of. From that day forward, Emma’s son was no longer Baby Swan, it was Henry Swan.

Inside those walls of 815 First Street, Regina had helped Emma raise her son as if he too were hers. Regina wasn’t his other mother, though. She never called herself his other mother and as Henry had gotten older, she was Gina to him and then finally Regina when he learned to pronounce his R’s better. She wasn’t his mother on paper, either, and that was something that Emma had wanted but couldn’t make possible as Henry’s father had shown up just hours after she’d given birth and signed his name on the birth certificate as Henry’s father. The sperm donor.

How Neal Cassidy even found out she had given birth, Regina still didn’t know to this day, but because he’d shown up, his name was put on the birth certificate officially. She hadn’t even been in the room when Neal was there and whatever was said and whatever had happened between them, Emma never spoke of it and Regina never asked. Unfortunately--or fortunately, really--Neal didn’t stick around for too long after that. He visited the baby twice in the first week before he just left, gone for more than a year before he came back around again. It was always a year in between visits for a while.

Just thinking about Henry’s absent, deadbeat father left her with a bitter taste in her mouth and just like that, her appetite was gone. Even though Neal had tragically taken his own life just months before she left Emma and Henry, the mere thought of him always left her feeling that way. Henry deserved a better father. Henry deserved a father who wanted to be in his life more than he actually had been. Henry deserved to know the love of a father all the time and not just when Neal decided it was time to put on his big boy pants and attempt to play the role of Henry’s father once or twice a year at best. And most of all, Henry deserved a father who hadn’t been so utterly selfish and taken his own life because things weren’t going well in life for him at all.

Regina quickly finished her coffee before she fished out a couple of bills from the pocket of her capris. She placed the bills on the table beside her empty mug. She waved at Ruby before she walked out of the diner and out into the rain. She ran to her car where she’d parked it across the street, fumbling with her keys as the rain started to fall harder. Once inside, she slipped the key into the ignition and then sat there, watching as Emma darted out of the diner and headed straight to the sheriff’s cruiser she’d parked out in front of the diner. She felt frozen just watching Emma and she barely moved, barely breathed, until Emma drove off just seconds later.

It felt as if no matter where she went while she was there in town, she would inevitably run into Emma Swan one way or another. It was probably best that she was planning to leave after the will was read, after all.

She took the long way home after Emma had driven off and made a U-turn just in front of the station down the street and parked out front. She tried to ignore the pangs of hunger the whole way, wishing now she’d just stayed for breakfast despite her appetite momentarily disappearing at the thought of Henry’s deadbeat father. She parked beside her sister’s green Charger in the driveway and she noticed instantly the silver Lexus parked on the other side.

The lawyer was there and he was very early. She double-checked her watch and frowned. Her mother had told her eleven. It was barely eight o’clock.

Regina ran inside the house as the rain fell even harder. Her first mistake had been trying the side door and it was locked. She didn’t have a key and she cursed under her breath and ran around to the front door, grateful that it was unlocked. She was soaking wet and dripping on the floor as she shut the door behind her with a heavy grumble. She rushed upstairs to change into some dry clothes and she’d barely opened the door to her old bedroom when Zelena appeared in the hallway.

“Regina,” Zelena said in a hushed whisper. “Did you go out for breakfast?”

“Coffee,” she corrected her as she pushed a few strands of wet hair off of her face. “Did the time change for the reading of the will?” she asked. “I thought the lawyer wasn’t supposed to--”

“It’s still on for eleven,” Zelena replied. “Or,” she drawled out with a wave of her hand, “whenever Mother is ready, I suppose. Bloody hell if I know anymore. With Mother, things seem to change instantly without ample warning or notice.”

“Why is she with the lawyer now?”

Zelena exhaled dramatically and followed Regina into the bedroom, her little dog suddenly running up the hall and following close behind them. At Regina’s disgusted look, Zelena exhaled dramatically once more and she picked her dog up and tucked her securely under her arm. Regina rolled her eyes and grabbed the towel she’d used that morning after her shower and started to dry her hair.

“Mother wants to make sure that everything is in order,” Zelena said and she moved to sit down on the bed. “Not just with Daddy’s will, but with her own too, I suppose. It’s been a while since they met with the lawyer and I’m fairly certain Mother is convinced that Daddy changed his will without her knowing.”

“Why would he change it?”

“Aside from adding the brewery?” Zelena asked and she gave Regina a very pointed look as if it was supposed to be obvious. “Emma and Henry, of course.”

“Why would--”

“Are you that daft, little sister? Did you not hear a word I said the other night? Emma is _family_.”

“I heard you.”

She had heard it loud and clear. She was starting to see it more, too, especially after the funeral yesterday when she’d seen just how her family was with Emma and Henry. Admittedly, it hurt. A lot. She was harboring endless guilt because she knew she should’ve been there for every birthday, every family dinner, and every holiday, too. It hurt because her family had always accepted Emma as one of their own and more so since she had left Storybrooke a decade ago. It hurt because once upon a time, Emma and Henry had been _her_ family and they’d had a life together, one they called their own in the small little house on First Street that had been _theirs_.

“You truly are a daft idiot, aren’t you?” Zelena deadpanned. “Look, I should warn you that Emma is going to be here for the reading of the will. We gave the children the option of being here if they wanted to, so whether Henry and Robyn show at all, that’s up to them, but Emma will be here.”

“I see.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t see anything at all. Why? Because you haven’t been here, Regina, so get your head out of your damn arse and wake the hell up! Life went on without you. Unfortunately.”

“What do you care, Zelena? As you just said, life went on without me. There is nothing stopping it from continuing to go on after I leave.”

“I care,” Zelena started and she scowled a little. “I care because Emma is my best friend,” she said matter-of-factly and she sized Regina up with a hard glare as she stood up from the bed and let her little dog down on the floor. “You _hurt_ her. You devastated her. You broke her damn heart. You--”

“I know!” Regina snapped, losing all resolve to keep her temper in check. “I know I did. I know, Zelena, I _know_ , and I can’t take any of it back.”

“No, you cannot.”

“Are you going to continue to make me feel even worse than I already do about something that happened more than ten years ago? Because if that is the case, I can leave right now.”

“You can’t just leave.”

“Mother can forward me what I need to know about whatever it is that is in the will, if any of it even concerns me.”

“Mother can barely open her email app on her phone. She only really uses it to play Clash of Clans when she gets bored in church every Sunday.”

Regina sighed tiredly. “Get out,” she said and she pointed down at the dog. “And take your annoying little mutt with you.”

“Fine.”

Regina rolled her eyes and all but slammed the bedroom door shut as soon as Zelena scooped her dog up and walked out. With a huff, Regina got out of her wet and uncomfortable clothes. She rolled her eyes again upon the realization that she did not have anything else to wear that was clean. When she’d packed her bag a few days ago, she hadn’t planned on staying past Friday afternoon, and she was not one to wear clothes a second time, dirty or not.

It was a little nitpicky habit she’d inherited from her mother. One of many.

In only her black lace panties and matching bra, she strolled across the room to her old closet. Just a few things hung in there now, clothes she doubted would even fit her still, and she went through the shirts one by one, all four of them, muttering under her breath at the limited choice she had. The only thing in that closet suitable for a warm day--and it was _warm_ already--was a plain white V-neck t-shirt. It wouldn’t do, she noted as she looked down at her black bra with a frown.

She’d need to borrow some clothes, at least until she did a quick load of wash to launder the clothes she had brought along with her. She wasn’t anticipating that happening as she was most definitely leaving after the will was read. She had a life to get back to in New York City, after all. Borrowing something from her mother’s closet was out of the question for two reasons, one, she had not been the same size as her petite mother since she was a preteen and two, her mother would absolutely refuse to let her borrow anything at all.

Zelena was taller by a few inches and she’d always had good taste, though sharing and borrowing clothes had never been a thing they did. Ever. With no other options and not wanting to put on her wet clothes from before back on, she pulled the robe off the back of the closet door, slipped it on and opened the door only to walk right into Zelena.

“These should fit,” Zelena said as she held out a sleeveless burgundy blouse and a pair of black slacks. “You’re welcome, sis.”

“How did you--”

“I just knew. You’re welcome,” Zelena chuckled lightly. “When you finish getting dressed, will you come down and join me for a cup of tea?”

Regina took the offered clothes and nodded slowly, mouth slightly agape at the thoughtfulness of her older sister, something she’d never experienced much before, if at all. Zelena had surprised her a few times already and this was no exception. Just the small gesture of lending her clean and dry clothes without having to be asked spoked volumes of how much her sister had changed over the years. She wasn’t sure why it bothered her, though, but it did.

Maybe it was because she’d been gone for a long time and she didn’t know the person her sister had become. Maybe it was because she hadn’t expected it at all. She really didn’t know and it made her stomach twist in knots as she dressed in the borrowed clothes. Maybe it was all of the above and also because it had been a very long time since she’d seen her sister last.

Everything was different now. Everyone was different, too. It had her mind spinning in circles. It also made her uncomfortable because Zelena knew far more than what Regina ever wanted her to know and then there was the fact that knowing Zelena and Emma were _friends_ that completely boggled her mind.

Zelena was the very last person she thought that Emma would ever end up being friends with in the years that she had been gone. They were polar opposites in every way. How and more specifically _why_ were they even friends? Sure, Henry and Robyn were friends, but that didn’t mean--

“Gods,” Regina exhaled as she realized she was beginning to feel a little _jealous_. “Grow up.”

She could feel herself beginning to slip. It was a feeling that left her knowing it wouldn’t be much longer before it happened, before she gave in to that craving, that _urge_ , that desire to chase the dream of the _ease_ that came after a few glasses of wine, or vodka, or whatever else happened to be the poison of her choosing at the moment. She could almost taste her favorite wine, a ghost of a memory, as she licked over her lips. She was losing herself in that moment and she didn’t feel strong enough to pull herself up before she caved completely.

Her whole body was tense, as it usually was in moments like this. She looked down at the clothes her sister had brought in for her and realized that she had crumpled them in her hands. That feeling, that darkness that crept through her very soul, hung heavily as she laid the clothes out on the bed and helplessly attempted to smooth out the wrinkles.

It was impossible to rid herself of the thoughts that relentlessly tore through her mind, thoughts that centered around none other than Emma Swan. Everywhere she went, everywhere she turned, everywhere she even looked, every damn thought she had led right back to the one woman she had spent the last decade trying to forget.

Trying to fall out of love with her. Trying to move on. Trying and failing endlessly.

This wasn’t why she came back to Storybrooke. She had come back to bury her father, to say one last final goodbye. She did not come back to Storybrooke to fall into a trap of memories that tormented her every damn second of the day. She did not come back to Storybrooke to take a glimpse into a life that should’ve been hers. It cut too deep into her broken and fragile heart, opening old wounds she knew had never fully healed.

It grated her nerves to listen to her sister talk about things she didn’t fully understand. It made her want to throttle Zelena just to shut her up whenever she started talking about Emma Swan. She wanted nothing more than to remind Zelena that she had come back to bury her father, not stir up the past. It seemed like nobody had gotten the memo and Zelena was stirring it up at every little opportunity she could find. It was beyond irritating and beyond frustrating.

If her memories weren’t going to be the thing that led her off her path of sobriety, it’d be her sister, without a doubt. There was only so much she could handle and her sister was beyond that.

She dressed in her borrowed clothes and fixed her hair, giving up on trying to tame the unruly natural curls that came with damp hair. She let it be as she didn’t have the energy to deal with her hair at the moment and after a few brushes with the comb, she placed it down on the dresser and headed for the door. She had barely stepped out into the hallway when she heard a knock echoing up the stairs from the front door. And then her voice.

“Zee?”

Emma’s voice flowed through the house as she let herself in. Regina froze and looked at her watch. Emma was early. Really early. More than two hours early. What the hell was she doing there that early to begin with?

“In the kitchen!” Zelena called out as Regina approached the top of the stairs.

Zelena. Of course it had to have been Zelena who had called Emma over early despite the fact, from what Regina had learned at the diner that morning, Emma should be at work. She headed down the stairs and headed for the kitchen, a little hesitation in each step as she neared the doorway. She lingered there for a moment and watched Emma, who had just entered ahead of her seconds earlier, walk over to Zelena to give her a one-armed hug. Regina walked in as soon as Zelena spotted her standing there and she made her way over to where the kettle was starting to boil on the stove.

“Mother is just with the lawyer now talking privately. I believe they’re sorting through a couple of things,” Zelena said to Emma. “Would you like some tea?”

Emma held up the Styrofoam cup from Granny’s. “I’ve got my coffee, Zee. You know I’ve never been one for tea. Now, biscuits, on the other hand, I’m always down for those,” she laughed. “Hey, Regina.”

“Hello,” she replied with a forced smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work this morning?”

“Slow start to the day,” Emma replied with a shrug. “If I’m needed, they’ll call over the radio,” she said as she pointed to the small walkie she had clipped on her belt beside her badge. She turned back to Zelena with a hopeful smile. “There are biscuits, right?”

“Of course,” Zelena said as she pointed to the tin of biscuits on the counter. “And no, you are not to have any of them until the tea is served whether you are drinking some or not. They’re reserved for the reading of the will with the lawyer. Mother was very insistent about that.”

“Right,” Emma replied and she looked down at the cup in her hand. She looked nervous and Regina could tell that she was purposely avoiding looking at her now. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here, Zelena. This is for family and--”

“And you are family,” Zelena said pointedly, stopping her before she could continue. “You and Henry are family and, as you know, you are both in the will. You should be here, Emma. We all want you to be here.”

“Fine. Okay,” Emma replied with a roll of her eyes. “Is this going to take long? I have Marco coming over to the house later to fix the pipes and--”

“Hopefully not,” Zelena said with an overly dramatic sigh just as the kettle started to whistle. “Regina, be a dear and pour that into the teapot, will you? I’m going to run upstairs and see if Robyn is awake yet.”

“I should try and call Henry in case he forgot about this morning,” Emma said as Zelena breezed out of the kitchen and she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. “It’s early. Probably too early. Teenagers, you know? He probably did forget.”

Regina nodded and watched Emma walk out of the kitchen as she called her son. She sighed as she did as she was asked, pouring the hot water from the kettle into the teapot and added a few teabags before she put the lid on. She found a serving tray her mother normally used when serving tea to guests and placed a few of the matching teacups on the tray. She even took the biscuits out of the tin and placed them on a small plate, too.

She could hear Emma talking just outside of the kitchen and her intention wasn’t to eavesdrop on the conversation, but she just couldn’t help herself. Just hearing Emma’s voice after not hearing it for far too long brought a warmth deep inside of her. One she had been missing for years.

“Yeah, I know it’s early, kid, but they’re reading the will this morning,” Emma said quietly. “You and Robyn still have the option of being here or not, but I’d really like you to be here, Henry. Why?” Emma sighed and Regina could now hear her pacing in the foyer. “Because they’re the only family we’ve ever had. Kind of owe it to Gramps to be here, kid. If he didn’t want us here, we wouldn’t even be in the will, right? Fine. Fine, I’ll swing around and pick you up, but you know you won’t melt in the rain, right?”

Regina laughed and instantly clamped a hand over her mouth. Emma walked back into the kitchen then, an eyebrow raised curiously as she looked at her. They just stared at one another for a moment ad Emma shook her head as she switched the phone to the other ear.

“I’ll come by in a few minutes, kid. Make sure you’re ready when I get there. Okay, bye.” Emma ended the call and slipped her phone back into her pocket. “He’s complaining it’s too early and then refused to walk over in the rain, so I’m gonna head out and pick him up.”

“Pretty soon he’ll be able to drive.”

“Don’t remind me,” she groaned. “I’m not ready for that yet. He’s growing up--yeah, I’m not ready for any of it.”

“It’ll all inevitably happen,” Regina pointed out. “Whether you are ready or not.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Zelena came back into the kitchen furious. “Nobody ever prepares you for what it is like to have a teenage daughter,” she sighed exasperatedly. “I suppose it could be worse,” she said as an afterthought. “Her attitude could be much worse.”

“Like you were?” Regina jabbed with a smirk. “You were no angel, Zelena.”

“And you were?”

“Yes, I was, actually.” Regina deadpanned. “Straight A’s in school, never got into any kind of trouble, never missed my curfew, never--”

“Yes, we all know you were the model child, Regina, the do-gooder type. Did you even date anyone before Emma?”

“Yes, but--”

“Let me rephrase that,” Zelena smirked. “Did you even _fuck_ anyone before her?”

“That is none of your damn business!”

“I’m just going to go,” Emma said nervously as she awkwardly made her way toward the doorway. “I’ll be back in about twenty minutes, give or take however long Henry takes to get his ass outta bed.”

“I wish you would mind your own damn business, Zelena,” Regina hissed at her as soon as Emma walked out. “You have _no_ right to talk to or about me like that.”

“Feeling a little on edge today, are we, sis?”

“Shut up.”

“You two were looking awfully cozy together. Work everything out, did you?”

“No. We were just talking.”

“You could do a hell of a lot better than just talking, dear sis. In case you haven’t realized this by now, Emma is still--”

“We are _not_ having this conversation, Zelena. Now please,” Regina said tiredly. “I would appreciate it if for once you would just mind your own business and not talk about things that you do not understand.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

It wasn’t going to be the end of the conversation, not completely if the look in Zelena’s eyes was anything to go by. Regina just wanted to get it all over with so that she could leave. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand to stay there. She wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to stay strong enough to continue on her path of sobriety without falling miserably back down that endless black hole.

She just needed to get through that morning. And then she could leave.

She could run back to her life in New York City and, like before, life could finally move on once again, just as it had been for many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I realize I should have warned people about Hook, but he's just a blip in the story, a filler character if you will, one who really doesn't have much of a role nor is mentioned much after a few chapters, so you don't have to worry about that...


	6. Chapter 6

Zelena didn’t give up easily, much to Regina’s dismay and annoyance, and she stood there face to face, ready to square off. Zelena stared at her, long and hard, before raising her hands up in surrender with a laugh.

“We’re going out tonight,” she said. “Girls night out. Are you in?”

“In?”

“Oh, bloody hell, I’m _inviting_ you, Regina,” Zelena replied and rolled her eyes incredulously. “Seven at the Rabbit Hole. We’re all going to be there.”

“I am leaving as soon as the will is read,” Regina said tightly. “And do I have to keep reminding you that I don’t drink anymore, Zelena, because it’s getting old fast.”

“Tsk,” Zelena scoffed. “You’re no fun, Regina. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Aside from you? No.”

Zelena began to laugh but the laughter died in an instant as soon as their mother walked into the kitchen with a sad, forlorn look upon her face. She gave a curt nod when she noticed the tea and biscuits had already been put out on the tray and she turned to both of her daughters with a small shake of her head.

“I thought Emma was here?” Cora asked quietly. “I swore I heard her voice earlier.”

“She went to pick up Henry,” Regina responded. “They should be back shortly.”

Cora sighed. “Mr. Spencer is waiting. I know that I told you girls it wouldn’t start until eleven, but Mr. Spencer is pushing to start sooner,” she said. “We’re just about ready for you to join us.”

“Spencer? Albert Spencer?” Regina asked, scoffing as her mother just stared blankly at her. “Albert Spencer is your lawyer? Really, Mother?” She shook her head in disbelief. “That man is nothing more than a conniving crook. I can’t believe that you and Daddy--”

“Regina, please,” Cora said sharply, the tone in her voice warning enough that she was a force not to be reckoned with at the moment. “Albert is an old friend. He graciously offered and he is doing this for your father, if not for anything else. Now, where are the children? We should get started.”

“Emma went to pick Henry up,” Zelena reminded her patiently even though Regina had told her that just moments earlier. “Robyn should be down any second now as well. We will get started when Emma and Henry arrive. How about you take the tea and biscuits into the study and we’ll be right there, all right?”

“Yes, yes of course,” Cora murmured and she moved to pick the tray up with shaky hands, the confusion clear on her face as she took a deep breath to steady herself and then another. “Try not to take too long. Mr. Spencer has already offered up enough of his time as it is this morning.”

Regina turned to her sister with wide eyes after she caught the strong whiff of alcohol her mother left in her wake. “Is she drunk?” she hissed. “It’s barely eight o’clock!”

“In Mother’s mind, that no longer matters,” Zelena drawled out tiredly, her English accent she’d acquired of years of school in London sounding heavier than normal. “You didn’t know, did you? Daddy never told you, did he?”

“Told me what? That mother is an alcoholic now?”

“Now?” Zelena laughed. “She’s always been a drinker, dear. You’ve just had rose-colored blinders on for far too long. I suppose you only just noticed now because of your own problems, hmm?”

The jab was too much. Regina clenched her fists at her side and her anger flared. “Did I not just tell you to not talk about things that you do not understand, Zelena?” Regina asked, her voice tight and strained. She took a few deep breaths as Zelena just stared at her with a dumbfounded expression on her face. “I do not know what Daddy told you, but I am not--”

“You’re nothing like Mother?” Zelena finished for her. “What, you didn’t start when you first woke up or were still drinking from the night before at this time in the morning? You binged, didn’t you? For days, sometimes weeks, hmm? It is the same thing, Regina. Alcoholism is the same whether you drink all day, every day, or binge, or even just have a glass or two every night, night after night. It is the same fucking thing!”

“I am not and will never be anything like Mother. You can compare me to her all you want, but you have no idea what I went through or what I’ve been through. Absolutely _no_ idea.”

“No, I don’t. You’re right,” Zelena snarked. “Why? Because you left. You left and you cut us all out of your life. Everyone but Daddy. If it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t know a damn thing about you, about what you’ve been doing all this time, about what kind of life that you’ve been living and we--”

“How long is it going to take for you to let that go?”

“When you’re a part of this family again, Regina.”

It had been hard for her to return to Storybrooke and yet she had no idea it would hurt so damn much at the same time. Her heart was broken, shattered, over her father’s sudden death and coming home to Storybrooke had been one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do. What she didn’t know before was how shaken it would leave her feeling to come back to her family, to hear the things her own sister was saying that hurt so very deeply.

She hadn’t noticed her mother’s drinking, but then again, she’d hardly spent any time with her since her return home for the funeral. Her mother’s drinking problem was more than just a little eye-opener, it was a shock since she was so certain that despite her not ever asking about anyone when she was her father, that he would’ve at least mentioned _that_ to her.

He never did. He never talked about anyone because she never asked.

She had just walked away when she left, not just from Emma and from Henry, but from her own family and she hadn’t looked back, she hadn’t _cared_ enough to look back even once. And that was just a tiny part of the huge burden of guilt she now carried around every single day.

Sadly, Regina hadn’t cared about her own family for a very long time with the exception of her father as he had always been the only one who had been there without judgment, without some ulterior motive, and with nothing but unconditional love. She couldn’t say that about her own mother or her sister, either. She had all but moved on with her life without them being a part of it and it had been her choice, a choice she’d made the day she left and vowed never to return.

She had forgotten about where she’d come from by choice, forgotten who she had been before because she was not that person anymore. Not by a long shot. She had forgotten than others loved her just as her father had and worst of all, she’d forgotten what it was like to be a part of her own family. She had even forgotten what it was like to have a family of her own with Emma and Henry.

And it felt like fucking torture now knowing all that she could’ve had and had lost.

It all felt like she was trapped in a nightmare. Living a life that was hers and wasn’t at the same time.

Ten years was a very long time, too long to just make amends easily. Did she even want to make amends with her family? To find a way to be a part of her own family again? It was easier with her father because she hadn’t stopped seeing him or talking to him on a semi-regular basis, but it wasn’t going to be easy with her mother, with Zelena and Robyn, and it definitely wasn’t going to be easy with Emma and Henry either. Then again, nothing in her life had ever been easy, not since she’d left and definitely not before. There had always been challenges and hurdles to get through, but making amends with her family, it felt like it’d be the biggest one yet.

Regina had been so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t realize she was now alone in the kitchen until she heard the sound of Emma’s voice out in the foyer. She ran her hands through her hair with a heavy sigh and mentally tried to prepare herself for what was to come during the reading of the will. What she didn’t expect, though, was for Emma and Henry to come strolling into the kitchen just seconds later with Zelena following almost immediately behind them.

“Robyn up yet?” Henry asked with a yawn. “Why does this have to be so early?”

“Robyn should be down any moment now,” Zelena replied. “As to why it is so early, I haven’t the foggiest idea, but you can ask Cora if you have a death wish today, dear.”

Henry laughed, held up his hands, and shook his head. “No thanks, I’d like to live to see my sixteenth birthday at the very least.” He laughed again and it died as he glanced at Regina just for a second. “Is there anything to eat? Mom wouldn’t let me grab something before we left. Dragged me outta bed and outta the house. Barely even had the chance to get my pants on, too.”

“You know where the cereal is,” Zelena said flippantly as she pointed to the pantry cupboard. “You could’ve at least let him get dressed before you dragged him out of the house, Emma.”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“True.”

Regina watched the scene unfold, watching how easy they were with one another. The thing that really got to her, however, was really seeing how different Henry was now. He was older, sure, as he was practically a man but not quite there yet. She couldn’t even barely see the little boy she used to know, the one she’d known for the first five years of his life. That little boy was long gone, replaced by a hormonal teenager with a voice that was changing, deepening, cracking at random intervals. She looked at him carefully, inconspicuously, and she tried to look past his lanky frame, his ill-fitting clothes, the shaggy hair that was too long and fell over his eyes, and she especially tried her hardest to look past the scowl that slid into place with ease when he looked at her again.

She wasn’t sure what kind of person Henry was now, but what she saw standing before her wasn’t quite what she’d had in her mind of how Henry would turn out as he grew up. Was he going through that awkward phase, one most teenagers do at a certain age, or had he already gone through that and was well on the way to figuring out just who he was? Or was he just another typical teenager, rebellious and figuring out his place in the world still? Did he know what he wanted out of life or what kind of man he wanted to end up being? Was he striving to be anything like his deadbeat father or was he already on that path unknowingly?

It only added to the heavy burden of guilt in her heart because she just didn’t know any of these things. It made her heart ache more so, too, because with that came the reminder that she had missed the last ten years of his life and he was, as she was to him, a stranger now.

“As you know, Robyn is in the middle of a rather stubborn streak,” Zelena said to Emma. “I’m surprised that either of them wanted to be here, actually. This stubborn streak both of these children are going through has lasted what, two years now?” Zelena said pointedly at Henry and he groaned, rolled his eyes, and took his bowl of cereal out to the dining room. “Sometimes I wonder just what it’d take to get through those thick skulls of theirs.”

“They’re here,” Emma replied. “We gave them the option of being here for this or not. They’re here. That’s all that Dad--I mean, what Henry would’ve wanted.”

Regina didn’t miss the fact that Emma had referred to her father as ‘Dad’. She had never heard Emma once call him that before when they were together. She didn’t even realize that Emma looked at her father as hers, too. It felt strange, odd. Just downright weird.

“Of course,” Zelena said with a nod of agreement. “So, are we still going out tonight? Seven at the Rabbit Hole. Everyone is coming.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be there,” Emma replied. “Only got a half-shift today too, which I’m now spending here,” she added with a laugh. “Booth asked for some overtime. What good is having a few deputies if I can’t take time off on a weekend, hmm?”

“That is exactly the only thing they are good for,” Zelena chuckled. “So, you will be there tonight?”

“Yeah.” Emma nodded. “I’ll be there.”

“Regina?” Zelena looked over at her pointedly. “Will you come tonight, too?”

“No, I--I already told you, Zelena, I’m leaving right after the will is read.”

“Tsk,” Zelena scoffed. “You’re no fun anymore, Regina. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“You did not even ten minutes ago.”

“Emma, convince her to come tonight,” Zelena said, practically begging as she stared at Emma with big, wide eyes. “Please? I need to go get Robyn moving. I’ll throttle her if she’d gone back to sleep. Then, if I haven’t murdered her, we can see about speeding up this whole dreadful affair and get it all over and done with.”

Zelena marched out of the kitchen without another word, just an exaggerated shake of her head in true Zelena fashion. Regina too shook her head as she turned to look over at Emma. Emma just stood there with her arms now crossed over her chest and a tentative smile dancing over her lips. Emma was the first to look away but her eyes didn’t wander for long until she looked at Regina again.

“I never would’ve imagined, not even for a second, that you and my sister would end up being friends,” Regina stated and Emma let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I never saw it coming, either,” she said with a small, polite smile. She dropped her arms and leaned up against the counter. “Is it that hard to believe?”

“Everything that I’ve been hearing about and seeing these past couple of days has been hard to believe, honestly.”

“Things are a lot different now.”

“Yes. I can see that.”

“I didn’t--it was Da--I mean, your father, who uh came to check in on us after you left. He’s the reason why we’re here now, I guess,” Emma stammered. “He was worried about us. Concerned, I guess. He made sure we were still a part of the family even long after you were gone.”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Regina said tightly. “There is a reason why I never asked him about any of you. If you can’t respect my decision to--”

“I know that.” Emma frowned. She wasn’t giving up easily. Regina could see that stubborn look in her eyes. At least that remained the same after all that time. “Once we realized you really weren’t coming back, Regina, that you had moved on with your life, we tried to do the same thing. I--I just wanted you to know that.”

“That you and Henry moved on with your lives? I’m glad. You should’ve.”

“We did. I did.”

“Good.”

Emma stopped talking then, but Regina knew she was holding back. She knew because she knew that look in Emma’s eyes all too well. She didn’t push. She never did push Emma at moments like that and ten years away wasn’t going to change that. There were a lot of things she still didn’t know and things that she did want to know, she just wasn’t sure when she’d be ready for all of it. She felt stuck in the middle of being pulled in two different directions, one wanting to know and the other wanting to leave because she already knew more than she’d been prepared for.

The tension between them was new, too. It made Regina feel a little uncomfortable and it also left her longing for the way things had been between them in the past as well.

Zelena walked back into the kitchen then, saving them from the awkward tension that had settled between them in the few minutes they’d been alone. Robyn was right behind her, grumbling under her breath tiredly as she drudged her way over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of orange juice.

“I thought this whole thing wasn’t supposed to be until eleven?” Robyn asked. “Why is the lawyer here this early anyway?”

“Well, your beloved grandmother decided to go over a few last-minute things and this is done now,” Zelena answered and she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and yanked the bottle of orange juice from Robyn’s hands before she could drink straight from it. “You’ll be able to go back to bed shortly, dear. And use a damn glass. I didn’t raise you to be a bloody farm animal, did I?”

“Baah!”

“Can’t,” Henry said as he came back into the kitchen then. “We’re gonna head over to Nick’s place right after. He finally finished building the half-pipe last night and we’re gonna go hang out and test it out, you know, the usual.”

“Is that cool, Ma?” Robyn asked her mother and Zelena just stared blankly at her. “Come on, it’s summer!” she whined when Zelena didn’t immediately answer her. “We’re here like you asked. What more do you want, Ma? Besides, isn’t it girl’s night tonight? You both will be out drinking and having fun with all your friends. Why are we allowed to do the same?”

“Because you are both far too young to be drinking with your friends,” Emma said as she stepped forward to stand at Zelena’s side. “Summer or not, you have chores, both of you. And you,” she said as she looked over at Henry. “You have a curfew you haven’t been following lately, Hen.”

“I know,” he groaned. “Eleven. On the dot. Not a second or a half hour longer,” he muttered. “I know, Mom. _We_ know. Don’t worry, we’re not staying at Nick’s place all day. We were gonna go down to the harbor and hang out with a few others later, get a bite to eat, or whatever.”

“You have chores that needed to be done days ago, kid.”

“Yeah, I’ll get to them, Mom, don’t worry.”

“Oh, I worry.”

“You shouldn’t.” Henry paused to rinse his bowl out in the sink. “We won’t be late, Mom. I promise. We’re just gonna hang out at the harbor later, that’s all.”

Regina might not have been around for the last decade but she knew that Henry was lying. Robyn, too. Zelena and Emma knew it too because they exchanged a look and both shook their heads at the two teenagers in front of them. It was Zelena who then quickly ushered everyone out of the kitchen as soon as they heard Cora calling for them to hurry up. Regina fell behind once they approached the study and she waited for the others to go inside first.

A wave of guilt flooded through her when she saw her family settled down on the two sofas in the study and the lawyer, Albert Spencer, was standing by the fireplace gingerly sipping from his teacup as he waited for everyone to sit down so that they could get started. She could barely stand the guilt that was beginning to swallow her up whole. It was too much. Everything was becoming just far too much to handle. Being home, being around everyone again, it was just opening up old wounds in her heart that she still wasn’t ready to face yet. It made her feel weak, and weakness was not something she dealt with well at all.

“Regina, come,” Cora said as she waved her over and patted on the cushion next to her. “Mr. Spencer would like to get started now. Come and sit down, please.”

Regina took in the very sight of her mother, with her eyes red and glassy and not just from the tears that had been shed that morning thus far. Knowing it was more than grief was another heavy burden upon itself and one she knew, with only being a few days over her ninety days of sobriety, she wasn’t willing to place upon herself. Regina hesitantly entered the study and took a seat beside her mother on the sofa.

“Are you all right, Mother?” she asked as she reached out for her mother’s trembling hand. Cora nodded, smiling sadly. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, dear. I’m fine. Let’s just get started, shall we? Mr. Spencer, whenever you are ready.”

The man in front of the fireplace cleared his throat and placed the teacup on the saucer that was sitting on top of the mantle. He cleared his throat again as he picked up a white binder off of the coffee table and opened it slowly. Regina chose not to look at anyone in the room then, her eyes settling on the gray-haired lawyer standing before them wearing a pristine, freshly pressed black Armani suit. She watched him intensely as he fixed his deep red tie, smoothing it down with one hand as she held the binder in the other. Upon Cora’s curt and insistent nod, he began.

“Let it be noted that Henry Mills’ last will and testament was changed no less than three weeks ago to accommodate some recent changes in his life, most notably the Sour Apple Brewery that hopefully is still slated to open to production in the fall,” he said and he licked his left index finger before flipping the page. “There is nothing more important in this world, in our lives, than family, whether they be by blood or by choice. A man had one sole purpose in life and this is to fulfill his duty to protect his family, to guide them, to take care of them, even in death…”

[X]

Regina hastily zipped up her suitcase and took one last look around her childhood bedroom and all of the little memories it still held within its four walls. She was still feeling heavy-hearted, more so now that the will had been read and a few surprises had been dished out. The only one not surprised, of course, was the lawyer, as he had been the one that drafted up her father’s last will and testament a handful of weeks ago.

The house, of course, had been left to her mother. Her father had left the brewery under her full control as well, with a portion of the stock, forty percent of it, to be split between Regina and Zelena evenly. His beloved horse, Lady, was left to Regina with some very specific instructions for her to not only care for the horse but to visit once a week to take the golden Arabian out for a long ride on the trails she and her father frequented many years ago. Those three things hadn’t been surprising, they’d been expected, especially when it came to her father’s horse.

No, the biggest surprise, at least to Regina, was concerning the life insurance policy and how it was going to be split between all of them. Two and a half million dollars, Albert Spencer informed them, and it was to be split evenly between Cora, Zelena, Regina, and Emma. Two and a half million dollars split four ways let them with a little over six-hundred thousand dollars each. The other surprise came when Emma flat out refused to take the money that was being offered until Cora had convinced her that it was exactly what Henry Mills had wanted to do and that she too wanted the very same thing as her late husband.

_“You are a part of this family, Emma. Henry wanted to make sure that his family was well taken care of when it was his time to leave us and that includes you and your son.”_

The other surprise was that Henry Mills had set up two trust funds, one in Robyn’s name and one in Henry’s. It was a detail that nobody, not even Cora had been aware of and the surprise was evident when the lawyer revealed that those trusts had been in place for over a decade. The money would be available to them for educational purposes, but if they chose not to pursue further education, the trust would remain locked and released to them at the age of twenty-five.

Neither of them knew how to react, just like nobody else had during the entire reading of the will. They stayed silent, but even Regina could see just how delighted they both were knowing they were set for the future either way, no matter which path they took in life. They were both excused shortly after that by Cora, who sensed the fact that they wanted to be anywhere but there. Regina too wanted to be anywhere but there, but unlike the two teenagers, she was not excused and she was fully expected to stay.

There were other things in her father’s will and one of them was the rather large and generous donation that would be made from his pension through the school board to the boys and girls club that he co-founded twenty years ago, but there was a stipulation attached. The donation would only be made on his behalf if Regina agreed to take over his chair on the board. There was another equally generous donation being made to the school where he had spent his entire career teaching, first as a beloved fourth-grade teacher and then as the principal. The lawyer pointed out that he wanted it to be done anonymously and like the first, it also had a stipulation attached to it.

Regina wondered if her father had hoped that once he had passed and she came back for her final goodbye that she would stay. The stipulation was much like the first one and it required her to serve as the honoree advisor on the parent/teacher board at both the elementary and high school. It was a voluntary position he had taken even after he retired and one he quite obviously wanted to pass on to his own daughter one day.

She felt blindsided. And guilty, too, because she wasn’t going to be staying. And _that_ made that burden of guilt feel heavier than it had before.

She really didn’t know how to feel about any of it either. The reading of her father’s last will and testament made everything feel so _final_. It was why, after the lawyer left, she retreated to her old bedroom to make sure she had packed everything, wanting nothing more at that moment to have any excuse to get out of that room. Emma had left right after her to return to work at the station. Robyn and Henry headed out soon after too, to their friend Nick’s house with their skateboards after a lengthily lecture from Zelena about staying out of trouble Regina heard loud and clear all the way upstairs in her room. Her mother retreated to her own room, claiming to Zelena that the morning had completely drained her and she would be laying down for a little while. And soon after that, Regina heard Zelena leave too, the sound of the door closing heavily behind her echoing through the quiet house.

With a heavy sigh, Regina lifted her suitcase off the bed and her eyes drifted over to her desk. Without a second thought, she walked over, pulled open the bottom drawer and lifted up the false bottom. She took out the envelope with the pictures she’d put away there a long time ago and after some hesitation, she unzipped the front pocket of her suitcase and stuck the envelope inside.

The house, she decided, was too quiet as she walked down the winding staircase. Her footsteps echoed off the walls and as she took the last step, the front door opened and her niece walked in carrying her skateboard, her brown hair messily pulled back into a ponytail and there was a small streak of dirt across her sweaty forehead.

“Leaving now, are ya?” Robyn asked as she pointed to the suitcase. “I supposed it was inevitable, wasn’t it, Auntie Regina?”

“Yes, well, I never planned to stay this long, and I have--”

“A life to get back to,” Robyn finished for her drolly. She shrugged and then smiled at her. “I get it. I might be young, but I ain’t stupid. Not like the way everyone else thinks I am”

“I don’t think you are,” Regina said with a small, warm smile. “I thought you and Henry went out to your friend’s house? To test out his pipe?”

Robyn laughed at Regina’s confusion. “Half-pipe,” she corrected. “Came back to get my iPod. Need the proper tunes to skate to, you know? Besides, I saw Ma go out and I kind of wanted to check in on Grandma.”

“She’s gone to lay down in her room for a little while.”

“Passed out is more like it,” Robyn scoffed. “Honestly, Ma’s been trying to figure out how to get her to stop doing this without pissing her off. So far, not good. Grandma just doesn’t care anymore. I think she’s gotten worse, too.”

A part of her knew she needed to leave and not become involved in it at all, but there was a bigger part--the guilt--that made her very concerned. It was what made her stay.

“How long has this been going on exactly?” Regina asked. “Your mother wasn’t too forthcoming with the details earlier.”

“For as long as I can remember, really. I think it was happening even before me and Ma moved in.”

That meant it had been going on for as long as Regina had been gone, a whole decade, possibly longer than that. Frowning, Regina put her suitcase down in front of the bottom set, but before Regina could say a word, Robyn sighed heavily and placed her skateboard down on the marble floor.

“Grandma has no idea that we know just how much she drinks every day. I don’t think she even knows how much she drinks every day and that creates a whole other problem, you know?” Robyn said and Regina nodded in agreement. She understood that all too well. “You know, my father had a similar problem, only instead of a drink, his problem was fed up his nose.”

“Really?” Regina looked at her niece in surprise. She truly didn’t have any idea of what had happened prior to Zelena’s divorce or whether that rumor had been an exaggeration of sorts. Zelena tended to over-exaggerate and jump to conclusions far too easily, especially then. Regina thought after she heard that Walsh had spent thousands of dollars on cocaine that it was just a well-fabricated lie her sister was using to get full custody of their daughter. “That’s actually true?

“Yeah, unfortunately. Why do you think we moved here in the first place? Because Ma _wanted_ to?” Robyn laughed bitterly. “We had no other choice. My father chose to feed his nose instead of us. He lost everything. He lost things he didn’t even have yet. You had no idea, did you? No, of course you didn’t know, _Auntie_ Regina. You don’t know jack shit because you haven’t been around at all!”

It was an all too familiar jab at her and she’d grown so tired of it happening over and over again since she’d come back. Every time it happened, it hurt a little more, cut a little bit deeper. She wasn’t sure what anyone was expecting from her. Was it an apology? She wasn’t even sure if she was sorry for leaving anymore. All she had was that heavy burden of guilt and nothing more.

“I’m sorry,” Robyn said quietly. “It’s true.”

“I know. You don’t need to apologize.”

“Did you know that Grandpa always had amazing taste when it came to music?” Robyn asked and Regina nodded with a fond smile. His record collection, after all, had been left to Robyn in his will. “Henry and I, we like to mix some old tunes with some new ones and a little bit of what we come up with.” Robyn dashed over to grab her iPod off the dining room table. She browsed through a playlist before she held it out to Regina expectantly. “Here, take a listen. Just hit play.”

Regina hesitantly placed the right earbud in her ear and pressed play, not knowing what to expect, and definitely not expecting the slow, tantalizing sound of trumpets playing before drums kicked in, the beat more of a hip-hop style but still flowed astonishingly well. It was taken from her abruptly as Robyn yanked the earbud out.

“It’s not finished yet. It’s an epic mix. That was just the start.”

“It was incredible, Robyn.”

“You’re just saying that,” Robyn laughed awkwardly. “You barely heard a minute of it. It’s not finished yet as I said.”

“When it is finished, could I listen to the rest?” Regina asked as she gestured to the iPod in her niece’s hand. When Robyn barely reacted, Regina frowned. “I understand.”

“I am not my mother.” It was said defensively and caught Regina a little off-guard. “I am nothing like her. Stop thinking that I am.”

“I’m not.”

“I don’t listen to her when she talks shit about you, Auntie Regina. I choose not to.”

“Just as I choose not to listen to her, either.”

“You and I aren’t so different after all, are we?”

“Perhaps we are not.”

Robyn laughed and pulled Regina in for a hug, one Regina hadn’t realized she had been waiting for all that time. “Ma always thought I was like you, too much like you, she said.”

“Right,” Regina chuckled lightly as Robyn hugged her once more quickly. “Well, it was nice to see you again, Robyn. You have grown up to be a very beautiful and smart young woman. For the record, you are nothing like me.”

“You don’t even know me,” Robyn muttered under her breath. “Are you going to come back?”

“I’ve got to look after Lady now. Of course I’ll be coming back, hopefully soon.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Regina sighed as she took a step back from her niece and picked up her luggage. “I should head out as I was going to stop by the stables and visit with Lady before I left,” she stammered slightly. “Perhaps you and I can go out for a ride the next time I’m here?”

“I’d like that. It’s been a long time since I have. Ma wouldn’t let me ride much after we moved here and Grandpa always said how Lady doesn’t just let _anyone_ ride her. Hopefully, for your sake, Aunt Regina, she remembers you. All the best luck to you, yeah?”

“Thank you.”

For a moment there, her niece looked much like the young girl she last remembered her as--though clearly not as innocent as she’d once been. Her niece was just another layer added to that heavy burden of guilt and she had a lot of amends to make with her, too. Regina lifted up her hand and licked over her thumb before gently wiping away the smudge of dirt on Robyn’s forehead.

“We have nineteen songs on there, except the last one isn’t complete, like I said,” Robyn said with a small shrug and she placed the iPod into Regina’s hand. “Give them a listen and promise that you’ll bring it back for me the next time you come home.”

“I promise.” It was one she fully intended to keep. “Don’t you need this? I recall you saying something about needing proper tunes to skate to?”

“I’ll just grab a couple of CDs instead, it’s no big deal.”

Regina had made her a promise she knew she couldn’t break. The trip back to Storybrooke had brought with it a lot of things and with the guilt, there was now remorse, remorse she hadn’t felt once in all that time. Still, a promise was a promise and she never made a promise she didn’t keep. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d made a promise to anyone that hadn’t been Emma, and she had broken that one, too, because she promised she’d stay for as long as Emma needed her even if that meant forever.

She had two reasons now to come back to Storybrooke again. It was never the plan, though. She was only supposed to come back to bury her father and then go back to the city where she had a whole different life there.

But now, now life was different as it was changing. It was changing and evolving whether she was ready for it, whether she wanted it to or not. There was nothing she could do to stop it. And going back to her life in New York City wouldn’t quite be the same, either.

Nothing would be quite the same ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who are leaving comments! It really makes all the months I worked on this story worth it. Don't forget there will be another update on Sunday 😎


	7. Chapter 7

The plan, the eventual plan, the ultimate and original plan was to leave Storybrooke when she walked out of her mother’s house, but it didn’t quite happen that way.

The rain cleared up by the time Regina had driven out of town and she ended up driving past Storybrooke Stables on her way. It was a long ride back to New York City, but as soon as she saw the horses out in the field, she’d turned down the long gravel driveway without a second thought. The clouds cleared away almost completely by the time Regina parked her car beside two others near the training paddock where there were five children riding ponies while the owner of the stables overlooked the lesson taking place.

The white-haired and very tanned man, Josef, waved at Regina as she approached the wood fence and she waved back with a fond smile. She walked over to where the old man was standing and he gave her a curt nod with a bright smile in acknowledgment.

“Miss Regina,” Josef said cheerfully, his French accent still as thick as it’d always been for as long as she could remember. He wiped his hands casually on his jeans before he reached out to shake her hand. “It has been very long time, Miss Regina.”

“Yes, it has. How are you, Josef?”

“Je vais bien,” he replied curtly. “JR is inside. You must go say hello, Miss Regina, he will be very surprised to see you. Take Lady out for a ride too, yes? She will enjoy just as you will, I’m sure. My condolences. Your papa will be missed here greatly.”

“Thank you.”

Regina headed towards the entrance to the large barn and it felt as if she had taken a step back in time, back to her old life. The smells, the sights, and the sounds, it was all things she’d missed for so very long and she was only just realizing how much she had missed it at all.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d set foot in the stables, but it had been longer than twelve years at least. When she was with Emma, they would go out riding together on Sunday afternoons if they could find a sitter for Henry and only when they weren’t working one of many jobs they had to work just to pay the bills and the mortgage. As Henry had gotten older, they went riding less and less. Regina worked at the stables part-time and still continued to ride her old horse Rocinante at least once a week for years.  Her father had taken over the care of her old horse a few years before she had left as she just didn’t have the time nor the energy to do it anymore.

She hadn’t even come home when her beloved horse she’d had since she was a young girl had tragically passed away. She should’ve though. She should’ve done it just as she had now for her father.

She wiped away a few tears that fell in memory of her beloved horse, wishing she could take back all the time that she’d lost with him, wishing she could’ve been there at the end of his life just as she had been there right from the day after he’d been born when her father bought him for her. She remembered learning how to be patient and at such a young age, too. She had to wait for a few years before she could ride the horse her father bought for her. It had felt longer, then, but then again time moved far differently than it used to.

Regina walked into the stables and past a few of the stalls, empty except for one. Her father’s horse, Lady, had been a rescue and was still quite wild at heart--at least that is what her father had told her and one of the last conversations they’d ever had. His horse was the only thing he would tell her in relation to everyone and everything in her hometown. Lady was getting on in her years too, roughly seventeen now, give or take. Regina hadn’t seen her in just as many years since she’d been there last and she had doubts that the rescued mare would even remember her at all. She approached the stall slowly as to not startled the beautiful golden Arabian mare and waited for the horse to acknowledge her presence before continuing in her approach.

At the first snort that Lady made, Regina reached out to allow the mare to nuzzle its nose against the palm of her hand. There was little hesitation as the mare nuzzled into Regina’s hands as if she’d done it a thousand times before. She whispered the mare’s name before slowly bringing up her other hand to the mare’s neck. Lady was soft and warm and a little weary as there was no doubt that she was missing Regina’s father and so very patiently waiting for his return. Regina scratched at the mare’s neck, watching as her ears pointed forward and she leaned into Regina’s touch with a happy snort at the scratches she was receiving.

“Ah, I wondered if you would come by soon,” Josef’s oldest son said as he approached the outside of the stall. He smiled as Regina looked over at him. “It’s been quite a long time.”

“Yes, it has,” Regina replied and she turned her attention back to Lady. “How are you, JR?”

“Good, busy as always, but good,” he said and he reached out to give Lady a scratch on the neck and laughed lightly as the mare moved away quickly. “She’s been a little restless these past few days. She would like to be taken out on the trails for a little ride, I’m sure. She’s been missing your father. We all have. My condolences, Regina. He will be sorely missed.”

“Thank you.”

“Let me know if you need anything. Everything is pretty much where it’s always been.”

Regina turned her attention back to the horse once again and lifted the latch on the gate, careful to wait for the moment of restlessness that the sound of it triggered to pass. Regina continued to approach with caution, just as she had been taught many years ago by her father. She watched for any signs of fear or trepidations and when there was none, she reached out to scratch at the mare’s neck just beneath her beautiful golden mane.

Lady was freshly groomed and Regina could tell that as she got a little closer. She turned to look over at JR when he walked past and flashed him a grateful smile. He just waved and walked off with a black horse trailing behind him. Regina went through an old and familiar routine of making sure her father’s horse was fully content before getting her saddled and ready to go out on the trails for a quick ride.

“Are you ready, Lady?” Regina asked after she had led the mare out of the stables and to the start of the main trail through the woods. She looked ahead and gripped tight onto the reins. “Let’s go!”

The trails were muddy from all the rain earlier, but the golden Arabian galloped down the narrow and familiar trail with practiced ease. Regina remembered every dip and every curve of the trails as she urged Lady to go faster and soon they were flying down along the muddy trail. Adrenaline coursed through Regina’s body, embracing every second of it. Regina inhaled the fresh air deeply as the mare’s speed dropped and she came to a slow stop at the fork in the trail. She refused Regina’s commands with a snort to continue on to the left and took the right trail instead, ignoring Regina constant urging to turn back.

Regina gripped the reins tightly and cursed under her breath at the stubborn horse. She knew that trail was one her father liked to frequent and one the stubborn horse was likely used to taking. She settled back in the saddle a little more and let the horse gallop along the muddy trail at a leisurely pace.

It was the same trail she’d ridden on with her father growing up, the same one she’d escaped to when she needed time to herself as a teenager, and it was the trail she’d taken Emma on dozens of times as well. With every passing minute came along memories of her time in those very woods with her father, with Emma, and just a few with Henry too when he was still very young. Her whole body tensed, however, when the horse suddenly turned down a trail just off from that one and it was one that Regina was trying not to think of at all because of the precious memories it held for her.

Ones she wasn’t nearly ready to revisit just yet. It didn’t seem as if she had a choice now, though.

She tried again, like before, to get the horse to stop and turn around, but the golden Arabian snorted stubbornly and continued to ignore her commands. After another stubborn snort, the horse trotted out along the trail as it led out to a small meadow. Regina sighed and dismounted once the horse came to a stop and she led her over to the willow tree that sat along the bank of the creek that ran through.

“Why here?” Regina murmured as she scratched along the mare’s neck. “Why here? Why now? Why today? I’m not ready to be here yet.”

Regina stepped away and dropped the reins. She walked through the waist-high grass and exhaled sharply at the feel of the warm sun upon her face that broke through the opening in the curtain of leaves on the willow tree. That place, it was a very special place with some very deep and meaningful memories for her with her father and she wasn’t ready to be there without him there by her side.

That little meadow was her and her father’s spot where they had spent countless of afternoons there together. Sometimes they’d have a picnic, sometimes they’d spend the afternoon fishing together using rods that her father had made with sticks and a roll of fishing line. Of course, they never caught anything big enough to keep, but it had never mattered. The meadow with the old willow tree by the creek was their special spot.

She truly wasn’t ready to be there yet. The grief was far too heavy to bear and her father’s death was still too fresh. The memories that came of being there in that spot with him was just too much to handle so soon after his passing. And there was another layer of guilt darkening her door as she realized that the last time she had been there hadn’t been with him as it should’ve been.

The last time she had been there was the first and only time she’d shared that special spot with someone else other than her father. The last time she’d been there it had been with Emma and Henry. She had taken them there for a picnic, surprising them with the surreal beauty of the small meadow, and she’d even taught Henry how to fish with the rods her father had made. They had always hidden the rods away inside the hollow spot of the willow tree for safekeeping.

It had been the first time she’d ever shared something that was special to her and her father with anyone else. Just thinking of that day now, of how warm it’d been, of how gentle the breeze blew, of the millions of mosquitoes that pestered, it made her walk forward towards the willow tree.

She inhaled sharply as she pushed aside the flowing branches of the willow tree and her eyes fell upon an old log carved a little to resemble a bench that sat just beneath the base of the tree. That was new. She walked around to where the hollow was in the tree and a huge sense of relief flooded through her as her eyes landed upon the old fishing rods, still right where they’d been left, where they were meant to be. She gasped in surprise when she saw two other rods sitting next to them, store-bought ones, and looking fairly brand-new too.

She didn’t reach out to touch them and instead she turned to the old log that had been meticulously carved into a bench of sorts. She ran her fingers along the smooth grooves where the bark had been removed and then over her father’s initials that were carved along the left side. She sat down heavily and looked out over the creek, watching as the water flowed by quickly, the water higher than normal due to the rain they’d gotten earlier. She closed her eyes and let herself go as she listened to the birds nearby sing their happy little song in the trees. And she just reveled in the feel of the soft breeze as it flowed over her skin.

No. She wasn’t ready. Not today. Not yet.

“Another time, Lady,” she said to calm the mere as she approached her on the other side of the tree, right where she had left her. Regina gave her a gentle pat just below her ear. “I promise we will come back here soon. When I’m ready.”

All she got in response was a chortle and a head shake. She laughed before she moved to mount the horse, it taking two tries to get into the saddle as she was a little rusty. It was something she’d never forget though, no matter how many years had passed, even a lifetime or more. She took ahold of the reins firmly and clicked as a signal for the horse to turn around and head back to the trail.

“Lady, please,” she begged quietly. Lady snorted stubbornly, refusing to move. “What would Daddy think of you acting like this, hmm? You know he wouldn’t approve of your stubbornness. He never did, did he?”

With another command, a firmer one, Lady let out yet another stubborn snort, but turned reluctantly and headed for the trail. Regina whispered her thanks and soon they were off, flying down the trail that led back to the stables.

Once Regina had led the golden Arabian back into the stables, she began the tedious task that came after any ride, short or long. She removed the saddle and brushed off the dirt and did some light grooming. It did its purpose in taking Regina’s mind off of everything, especially the memories that had begun to resurface after that visit to the meadow and the willow tree. It also took her mind off Emma and Henry too until she banged off the brush on the wall and saw where Emma had carved their initials inside a small heart a long time ago in the stall next to Lady’s that had once belonged to her Rocinante.

She didn’t realize how late it had gotten until she walked out of the stables and found the sun to be much lower in the sky than it had been upon her return after her ride. She groaned and ran her fingers through her short, wind-tussled hair. There was absolutely no way she would make it back home to New York City until the early hours of the morning if she left now. It was a long drive and an even longer one at night, especially when done alone.

She hated the idea of spending the next eight or more hours on the road alone more than she hated the idea of staying in Storybrooke for just one more day. And that was one of the things that were high on that list at the moment, too.

After she made arrangements with Josef and his son over the care of her father’s horse in her absence, she ended up being roped into a deal, a promise of sorts, with Josef that she would come back no less than twice in a month to visit and to ride Lady out on the trails. It was with great hesitation that she drove back into town and back to Mifflin Street.

Regina snuck back into the house after parking her car out on the street. She all but dumped her suitcase out onto the bed once she was in her room and tossed her clothes into the small laundry basket she found in a closet in the hallway. If she was going to be staying, just for _one_ more day, she’d need clean clothes to wear. She stripped out of her borrowed clothes, clothes she knew she should’ve changed before going out on a horseback ride, and she tossed them into the basket with the rest of her clothes.

After she put a load on, she had a long, hot shower. Nobody was home, she realized soon after she had finished in the shower and wandered back downstairs to the laundry room to switch her clothes into the dryer. She waited in the kitchen, pacing the floor in her bare feet, and waited for her laundry to finish. There were a few bottles of wine on the counter, some full, some empty, and the temptation to just pour herself a glass was almost too much to handle.

She felt like she was losing the fight within herself, the fight against the demons that were inside her, begging to come out again at just the tiniest drop of her favorite poison. And she nearly lost that fight too when she grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and was about to open a bottle of Merlot when her phone beeped in the pocket of her robe.

It was a single text from her sister. She swiped at the screen with a roll of her eyes and read the message.

**Rabbit Hole @ 7. Come. I know you’re still here.**

[X]

_I’m already here, what do I have to lose?_

That was the very reasoning going through Regina’s mind from the moment she gave in and decided to go after all. She had spent an hour convincing herself just to go, if only just to humor her sister, if only just to get Zelena to lay off of her for a little while. It wasn’t as if she had anything better to do.

It was the Rabbit Hole or spend the evening with her mother at home--the latter of which she did not want to entertain not even for a moment when her mother came home shortly before seven, drunk and barely able to walk straight. She was already fighting a losing battle against her demons and even though being in a bar was probably the last place she should be, being around her mother was far, far worse. She could fight her demons, she’d been battling them for some time now, and just because she was going to a bar didn’t mean she _had_ to have a drink. Or two. Or ten.

She was stronger than her demons. It was due time for her to prove it to herself. She could do this. She _was_ strong enough to spend an hour or two in a bar and not have a single drink.

Those words, strong enough, repeated in her mind as she approached the entrance to the bar. She could already hear the music and steady chatter of people coming from inside. She paused to look up at the building in front of her and wondered for the umpteenth time since she left the house if she was going to fight a losing battle against her inner demons tonight or if she’d win this time.

She looked down at the outfit she’d chosen to wear and it was something she didn’t think she’d ever see herself in again. She looked like the Regina Mills from a decade ago, relaxed, dressed in a simple pair of black jeans she paired with a nearly sheer black top and her old leather jacket that she’d found folded up on her closet shelf--a jacket she had left behind when she moved in with Emma. She opted out of wearing her heels and took it upon herself to borrow a pair of her sister’s mid-calf high boots before she’d left the house.

She hadn’t seen that version of herself since she’d left it behind in Storybrooke with the rest of her old life. She hadn’t been that person either since then but it felt a little bit liberating and it gave her a sense of newfound confidence she hadn’t had in a long time.

A man and a woman stumbled out of the bar laughing and nearly walked into Regina, neither bothering to utter a simple apology as Regina stepped around them. She slipped inside the door before it could shut and she took a shaky breath as the sights and sounds and smells hit her all at once, making her feel queasy and instantly full of regret.

_You have nothing to lose_. That voice echoed, still the same as the one before, just different words and louder. It was the voice of the same demon she fought daily, now right there in front of her, clear as day as temptation surrounded her, overwhelmingly so.

She shook her head. It was just so ridiculous. She could do this. She could spend an hour, at most, in a bar and not feel like she was slipping completely, couldn’t she? She was stronger than she’d been even a month ago, and she as much stronger than she believed herself to be.

It was loud inside as she walked further in and she was instantly consumed by the chatter of people all around her, by the music the played loudly in the background, but it was the clack of pool balls that caught her sole attention as a crowd had started to gather around the only table in the entire establishment. In an instant, she felt as she had earlier when she was at the stables and it felt like she had quite literally taken a step into the past.

It was a very typical crowd for a Saturday night in the town’s only bar and it was packed. Regina stopped just a handful of steps away from the door when the crowd cleared away from the table in one spot and her eyes landed on Emma Swan. In the brief glance she’d caught of her, it was as if a day hadn’t passed as Emma was dressed in tight blue jeans and an old faded Henley with her long hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. The very sight of her had Regina’s heart racing with both old and new feelings rushing in all at once.

It would’ve been easier to leave than to stay, but Regina was stubborn and determined to fight all of her demons that night, and she walked over to the bar with her head held high and took a seat on one of the empty stools near the end on the left. Just as with anywhere else she’d been in town since she returned a few days ago, she saw a lot of familiar faces in the crowded room and some new ones as well. She wasn’t surprised to see the regular old crowd hanging around there either and even Claudia, the owner and bartender, was still behind the bar slinging drinks.

Regina hadn’t spotted her sister amongst the crowd and it wasn’t long before she saw Ruby, a glance of her, and she was sitting in one of the three oversized booths by the pool table with people she didn’t recognize. She did, however, roll her eyes at the sound of a familiar and unwelcome voice from beside her.

“Whoa, now there’s a face I haven’t seen here in years!”

“Leroy,” Regina replied with an annoyed scoff and another roll of her eyes. “I’d say it’s nice to see you, but it’s really not.”

“Now, now, sister, just trying to be friendly here,” Leroy responded defensively and he scratched at the top of his bald head for a second. “Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about your father. The world has sadly lost a great man.”

“It has indeed. Thank you, Leroy.”

Because what else was she supposed to say whenever someone offered her their condolences, really?

Regina turned at the welcome sound of the bartender laughing from behind her. She smiled fondly at the woman and her former boss from her days where she pulled any shift that she could there at the Rabbit Hole just to make ends meet. The tips kept her head just above water during those days.

“Claudia.”

“Regina,” Claudia laughed as she placed a small napkin down in front of her and reached for a wine glass without waiting for Regina’s order. “I didn’t get a chance to give my condolences at your father’s funeral. For once Leroy is right about something. The world has truly lost a great man.”

“Thank you. I’ll just have--”

“The usual?” Claudia asked, leaning in a little to hear better over the music and the noise of the crowd. “Or are you up to trying something new?”

“A club soda. Minimal ice, please.”

Claudia did a double-take and then laughed. “You are serious?”

“Yes.”

Claudia barely batted an eye as she grabbed the tall wine glass and replaced it with a normal glass. She put a few pieces of ice inside with tongs before swiftly moving to grab a bottle of club soda out of the fridge behind her. “I heard a little rumor that you quit drinking,” she said before she opened the bottle and poured it into the glass. “Good for you.” She smiled and placed a lime wedge on the side of the glass. “I’ve seen too many drinks ruin too many lives.”

“Mine included, but I ain’t complaining,” Leroy laughed from beside Regina. “Still here, ain’t I, princess?”

“Fortunately for my bills, yes,” Claudia laughed along with him.

“Thank you, Claudia,” Regina said, silently repeating a mantra of _I’m choosing not to drink tonight_ over and over again in her head. It had worked in the first few weeks when she first stopped and she had a little bit of hope that it’d work again tonight.

“Let me know when you’re ready for another. On the house for my favorite former bartender always.”

“Emma know you’re here?” Leroy asked as he leaned in a little too close. The smell of whiskey and beer very strong on his breath.

“Yes.”

“No,” he laughed. “As in here, tonight. It’s girl’s night out.” Leroy laughed again, obnoxiously so. “She doesn’t know that you’re here right now, does she?”

Playing an oblivious card, Regina took a small sip of her club soda. The last person she wanted to be having a conversation with was Leroy, the town drunk and general all-around nuisance. “I don’t think she’s even here,” she stated. “So, I--”

“Oh, she’s here all right. It’s Saturday night, after all,” Leroy said before pointing through the crowd around the pool table where Emma was standing while she waited for her turn. “Everyone wants to hustle Sheriff Swan. Nobody’s ever walked away a winner yet, not for at least five years now.”

Regina rolled her eyes. Some things really didn’t change and Emma using her skills, her gift at pool to hustle people out of their money was one of them. It wasn’t a typical Saturday night in Storybrooke without a hastily organized tournament against the best and now apparently the only undefeated player in town, Emma Swan.

Even Leroy, always having been famously known as the town drunk and a long-time regular there at the Rabbit Hole, hadn’t changed much at either--aside from the hair he’d lost on the top half of his head over the years. She knew the man well as she’d worked the closing shift there for years and she knew that the more distance she put between herself and him, the town drunk, the better off her night would be.

All it took to distance herself from Leroy was a curt nod in his direction as she slipped off the stool and disappeared into the crowd. She looked around desperately in hopes of finding somewhere else where she could sit and enjoy her boring drink in peace and as far away from him as she could get. She slipped through the crowd and after making small talk with a handful of people who offered their condolences, Regina settled down on a stool on the opposite end of the bar, not quite far away enough from Leroy, but far enough that he’d gotten the message to leave her alone.

She still had yet to spot her sister in the crowd but she knew she definitely was there as she’d heard a few people mention or call out her name. She looked back over at the booth she’d seen Ruby sitting in before and saw her still sitting there, a new group of people now there with her as they slammed back a round of shots and their laughter erupted loudly over the noise in the room.

It was impossible to ignore the game that had nearly captivated every single person’s attention in the room, too. Just as it was hard to keep her eyes off of Emma every time she could see her through the crowd. The game was growing intense, so much that someone cut the music suddenly and the atmosphere quieted down enough to hear a single pin drop.

There was no point in pretending she wasn’t just as captivated by the game that was taking place. From where she sat, she could see Emma and the man she was currently playing against, but she didn’t have a good vantage point at all and she only knew who was winning the game because of the sounds that came from the crowd as the man Emma was playing against missed his shot and the crowd erupted in jeers and laughter.

Emma was winning. Of _course_ she was winning. The only person in that very room, in that very moment, that could beat the town’s sheriff was Regina Mills. But, that, _that_ was a closely guarded secret and the only other person in that room that knew that secret was Emma Swan. It was one Regina had vowed to keep a secret and one she still planned to keep.

Regina allowed her curiosity to get to the better of her and she carried her glass with her as she walked away from the bar and into the crowd, wearing herself through carefully to get a better vantage point of the game, careful to stay just far enough away that Emma might not even see her there at all.

Emma’s back was to her when she moved in a little closer and she watched as Emma picked up the chalk and brushed the tip of her cue in a melodramatically slow way while she stared her opponent down. Her opponent was her deputy, Regina realized now that she’d gotten closer, he was clearly not happy he wasn’t winning. While Emma took her time setting up for her next shot, another tactic she used to her advantage to win, she watched the deputy walk over to a tall table near him and down the bottle of beer he’d picked up in one long swig.

On that very same table was a pile of money. What surprised her was the fact that it wasn’t just a couple of bills like it’d always been before, it was literally a pile of money, of nearly neatly stacked bills. There was easily over six hundred dollars sitting on the table. The stakes had changed considerably and were much higher than ever before.

The crowd gasped in surprise when Emma missed her next shot, though Regina knew before she’d made it by the way she’d flexed her arms just before taking the shot that Emma had done it on _purpose_. August Booth strutted over to the opposite end of the table, a newfound confidence fluttering through him, and he lined up to take his next shot as the half the people in the crowd started to whisper and the other half shushed at those who were talking.

“Come on, August! We got a bet going on over here!” Michael Tillman shouted. “Don’t let me lose a hundred bucks to Jones over here!”

“Again, Tillman? Never learn, do ya?”

“Let the man focus, Mike,” the man who was standing next to the mechanic said pointedly. “Jones ain’t winning this bet. Not tonight.”

Regina didn’t need to see Emma’s face to know that she was smirking, all too wrapped up in her confidence that she would win the game. Regina hid a smile of her own behind her glass and took a sip just as she happened to spot her sister making her way to the front of the crowd on the opposite side of the table.

Sure enough, August missed the next shot and the crowd erupted into cheers, some jeering at him as he stepped aside to allow Emma her turn. Zelena and Ruby started to move throughout the crowd, taking the bills that were suddenly being held out, and they were added to the growing pile of money on the table.

It was such a substantial amount of money on the table that it caught Regina by surprise. Gone, apparently, were the days where a single tournament awarded the winner no more than fifty dollars on a good night. Not much had seemed to have changed in that town, yet at the same time it was becoming clear that a lot of the little things had changed, things she was only noticing bit by bit.

When Emma looked over her just as Regina had caught sight of her badge securely clipped to her belt, none of it felt real, especially not when Emma flashed her a brilliant grin. Just for that split second, their eyes met and it was over just as quickly as Emma turned her attention back to the table in front of her before Regina could even return the small gesture. Emma readjusted the cue as she lined up for the shot and she inhaled deeply as the crowd quieted once more to allow her a moment to focus.

It certainly wasn’t professional for the town’s sheriff to be hustling a man, her own deputy, over a game of pool in a packed bar on a Saturday night. But, if anyone cared, they sure didn’t show it.

“Come on, Em!” Ruby whooped out as she stepped out of the crowd and stood beside Zelena. “You got this, babe!”

“Finish him!”

“Come on, end this game already, Sheriff!”

“Shut up!” Zelena yelled out as she grabbed onto Ruby’s arm. “Let her focus, will you?”

Emma chuckled lightly before she took her shot, effortlessly sinking the seven ball into a side pocket. It drew a hushed gasp from the crowd as the only other ball left was the three before she could sink the eight to end the game. Regina’s heart was beginning to race in anticipation and she still could not take her eyes off of Emma as she lined up for her next shot. It would be a complicated one at best, and though Regina hadn’t been there to hear the rules that they were playing by, she knew that Emma couldn’t hit any of the striped balls or else she’d have to bring one of hers back up onto the table.

It was the rules that they’d always played with. It just went without saying, really.

“Regina?” She turned at the hushed whisper that came from behind her just as a hand landed softly on her shoulder. “Regina, hey!”

“Kathryn,” Regina said as she turned to look at her best friend in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Kathryn tittered and pulled her hand back before pulling Regina away from the crowd. “It was my intention originally to be here yesterday for the funeral. My flight got delayed and then I was rerouted to Dubai for fifteen hours. I only just got here not even an hour ago. Better late than never, I suppose, right?” Kathryn laughed and hugged her tight, pulling back just seconds later with a small, sad smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Regina. I truly meant to be.”

“it’s all right, Kathryn. Were you coming from--”

“Tokyo? Yes. Unfortunately.” Kathryn sighed dramatically and she lifted her nearly empty glass of wine to her lips, stopping short of taking a sip before she continued. “As you know, Fred had gotten a job over there months ago. I followed along, we got divorced, he got another job in Australia and I stayed in Japan.”

“Wow,” Regina laughed. “I don’t talk to you for three whole months and this is what I missed out on? When the hell did you two get divorced? Why--”

“Hey! Would you two take it somewhere else, huh?” Leroy shouted out at them. “There is a high-stake game happening right now and I’d appreciate it if you two would stop distracting my winner here! I got a whole paycheck riding on the sheriff to win!”

Kathryn and Regina both shook their heads and walked towards a table near the entrance and away from the game. Cheers erupted from the table suddenly and Regina strained to look over to see what was happening now.

If, in the very least, the night would go swimmingly, she presumed, because there was plenty of entertainment and plenty of distractions there now to keep her from succumbing to her cravings. Her demons weren’t going to win. Not tonight. Not ever.


	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn, after a trip to the bar to order herself another drink, she returned to the table Regina was waiting at and sat down with a heavy sigh. She had asked Regina if she wanted one, something a little stronger than the club soda she was nursing, and she had declined.

“Not drinking much these days?” Kathryn asked.

“No,” Regina replied. “Not at all. I’m fine with club soda.”

“I am so very sorry I missed the funeral, Regina,” she said apologetically. “I truly wanted to be here and if my flight hadn’t been delayed--”

“Don’t apologize for something out of your control, Kathryn. You’re here now.”

“A few days too late. I’m actually a little surprised to see you are still in town, honestly.” Kathryn shook her head and turned her attention to her drink, a glass of white wine, and took a long, grateful sip. Regina had to look away because the temptation was starting to creep back. “Anyway,” Kathryn said with a small laugh. “I know it’s been a while since we last spoke, but I told you then that Fred and I were fighting a lot. Petty little things, you know?”

She knew. She’d spent almost four hours on the phone with Kathryn that night, just a few days before Kathryn and her husband left to move to Tokyo. At the time, Kathryn was willing to go anywhere with her husband and had convinced herself that moving to Tokyo would be a second chance for their marriage as it’d been on the rocks since before last Christmas.

“You know how he is,” Kathryn sighed dramatically. “It was barely a week after we got there and settled in when he started staying late at the office almost every night, week after week. After a few weeks of that, well, you know me, I started to get a little suspicious. I figured it out, Regina, and he wasn’t staying at the office after hours because he’d suddenly become a workaholic.”

“He was having an affair?”

Kathryn nodded, eyes wide as she leaned over the table a little. “With a man,” she whispered. “I had no idea!”

“You two have been together since the ninth grade. How did you _not_ know?”

“Right?” Kathryn laughed and Regina was relieved to see her best friend was in good spirits and seemed to be handling that whole situation with the affair and the divorce quite well. “It’s crazy, I know, but when I found out I was actually happy for him. I have honestly not been in love with Fred for a very long time, but I do love him. He’s one of my best friends. We have a lot of history and a lot of baggage together.”

“Wow,” Regina said, stunned a little at the revelation. “You’re taking this well, Kathryn.”

Kathryn tittered and took another sip of her drink. “I suppose you can say that,” she said and she leaned across the table once more. “Not to mention the fact that I may have been having an affair of my own at the time as well.”

“Might have? Kathryn!”

“We hadn’t met in person yet! At least not until the divorce papers were signed, but Regina, he is absolutely wonderful. He is everything Fred was to me before and so much more. He may also be the reason I move back to the States, but I don’t know yet. It’s still very new and exciting and gods, I feel like I’m a teenager again, falling in love for the very first time.”

There was a light in Kathryn’s eyes that Regina had to admit, though she hadn’t seen Kathryn a lot over the years, it was a light she hadn’t seen in a very long time. Regina smiled and sipped her club soda before she leaned over the table in an attempt to keep their conversation private.

“So, who is he?”

“Patrick Kelly,” Kathryn swooned. “He plays for the Mets, he’s just a rookie, but--”

“You’re the bad luck charm!” Leroy shouted at her suddenly. “You’re Patrick Kelly’s bad luck charm! I _knew_ I recognized you!”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “I am not--”

“You’re the new girlfriend, ain’t ya?” Leroy snapped and he pointed out at her and growled. “Most promising new rookie this year and soon as you two are together, bam!” Leroy slammed a hand down on their table and startled them both. “Everyone knows when Patrick Kelly starts dating a hot new number, his game--”

“Leroy,” Regina said wearily as she got up from the table and stepped between him and Kathryn. “What the hell are you talking about right now?”

“Patrick Kelly, twenty-two years old, most promising rookie the Mets got this year,” Leroy said and he sounded as if he was reading stats off the back of a baseball card. “Everyone and their uncle placed a fairly big bet on this guy when he was drafted last year and then,” Leroy drawled out as he looked around Regina at Kathryn. “Then this bad luck charm here went and ruined it for us all!”

Regina laughed. She looked back over at Kathryn who now looked visibly upset and a little shaken by the encounter with the town drunk. “Leroy, let me ask you this, how can a person be someone’s bad luck charm?” she asked and held up a finger when he was about to speak again. “Perhaps Patrick looked very promising with his stats when he was drafted, but this is the Major Leagues, and not every young promising rookie can live up to that standard the first year. You, of all people in this room, know that.”

“Listen, lady--”

“Secondly, whomever Patrick is dating is not going to affect his performance when he is out on the field and doing his job,” Regina continued, her tone tight, effectively causing Leroy to snap his mouth shut. “I would appreciate it if you left Kathryn alone. She didn’t come here tonight to be harassed by you, Leroy.”

“Wasn’t harassin’ no one,” Leroy chuckled nervously as he backed away. “Sorry, ma’am.”

Regina turned to Kathryn and shook her head incredulously. “You are dating a man who is ten years younger than you, Kathryn? Really?”

“He’s a baseball player, a professional one,” she said dreamily. “And,” she said as she raised an eyebrow pointedly, “he is a gentleman. A true _Southern_ gentleman.”

“How did you even meet this guy?”

“In Tokyo, he was there before spring training started here in the states, training with a team there. We met online just after he left actually. He flew back for a week or so after I signed the divorce papers.”

Suddenly, the room erupted into absolute chaos. The high-stakes game was over and Regina knew from the reaction of the crowd just who had won the game. It wasn’t long before the music started back up again over the speakers and the crowd around the pool table dispersed.

“You know what I heard?” Kathryn said, leaning forward so Regina could hear her over the loud music. “Emma does these high-stakes games once a week. She doesn’t keep her winnings, though. I heard she gives it all to the ROCK.”

“The boys and girls club?” Regina asked in surprise. “Why?”

“I don’t know, she just does. I think that’s why everyone is a little looser with their wallets when it comes to the high-stakes games around here. It’s for charity. A good cause.”

“What does the other person do with it when they win?”

“Swan hasn’t lost a single game in years,” Killian Jones said as he sauntered over to their table, a little drunk, and rudely interrupted their conversation. “Even when it’s been close, like tonight, she has never lost.”

“Stop being such an ass-kisser, Jones. Swan is your  _boss_ , not your girlfriend,” August Booth laughed as he popped up from behind him. “Can you believe this guy ended up a deputy, huh?”

Regina raised an eyebrow at the man. “Killian Jones, resident bad boy, now policing the town he caused so much chaos in many years ago,” she said with a laugh as she stared up at her former classmate. She turned to Kathryn and laughed again. “Is this what it feels like to have walked into an alternate universe?”

“Very funny,” Killian muttered. “Nice to see you back in town, Regina.”

“Staying long?” August asked.

“No,” Regina said tightly. “If you two don’t mind, you interrupted our conversation that I’d very much like to continue. With some privacy, please.”

Booth slung an arm over Jones’ shoulder and led him away to a table on the opposite side of the room. The bartender came over with another drink order for Kathryn after she’d waved her down for one and she brought another club soda for Regina as well. Claudia took an order for a plate of the Rabbit Hole’s infamous platter of nachos and cheese before she left their table.

“Gods,” Kathryn sighed. “Some people just haven’t changed much at all since high school,” she sniggered. “It’s one of so many reasons why I am glad that Fred talked me into following him to Tokyo. I have spent far too much time in this town for my own good, honestly.”

“You only left a handful of months ago.”

“Good riddance and yet, here I am, having a drink with you at the Rabbit Hole on a Saturday night. Just like old times.”

“Almost,” Regina added as she glanced down at her drink. “Almost like old times, Kathryn.”

It felt good to laugh like that again and to see her best friend she hadn’t seen since last Christmas when she’d run into Kathryn and her now ex-husband at a resort in Cancun they were all staying at coincidentally the same week. While they weren’t really as close as they had been before, not as they’d been while they were growing up, or even as close as they’d been five years ago, they still spoke on a semi-regular basis. And, much like her father, Kathryn never spoke of anything or anyone in Storybrooke, their conversations filled with everything but.

Regina had already reached the realization that there was a lot missing from her life and she was beginning to feel more than just guilt. She was beginning to get angry at herself for not making amends a long, long time ago.

Regina excused herself to the bathroom once her drink was finished and she left the new one untouched on the table with Kathryn. She made her way past the crowd to the back hallway. Of course, like always, there was a long line of men and women waiting for the bathroom. One working toilet for the customers and staff, the other forever with the “Out of Order” sign taped to the door.

Everything was starting to get to her again, much like it had before she even walked in the door. The fight against her demons was making her feel weak and the sighs, the sounds, the _smells_ , it was pushing her closer to the edge she was struggling to keep from falling off of. All she could smell, especially there in that tight and cramped hallway, was the smell of alcohol lingering in the air and on the people around her. It was beginning to make her feel dizzy and her body was craving for just one drink.

If she gave in, she knew it wouldn’t stop at one. Or two. Or ten.

Maybe coming there really had been a mistake. And she did have a lot to lose. Her sobriety and sanity being two of them.

“Hey.”

At the sound of Emma’s voice from behind her, Regina’s heart fluttered. She turned with a small smile. “Hello, Emma,” she said quietly and in return, she got a polite smile from the woman she knew for absolute certain now she was still very much in love with. “I see that you still have your winning streak.”

“Yeah, don’t jinx it, though. Five years running now. August is getting better, too,” Emma laughed lightly. “What are you doing here, Regina? I thought you were leaving today?”

“Zelena text me earlier.” Regina paused as she looked down at the badge proudly displayed on Emma’s belt for a split second. “Kathryn is here now as well. We were just catching up. I don’t think Zelena even knows that I am here yet.”

“No, I don’t think she does.” Emma laughed again and Regina’s heart fluttered _again_. “I saw Kathryn earlier when she got here. Meant to go say hi and whatever, but got caught up in the game,” she said with a small shrug. “How has she been?” she stammered a bit, her cheeks instantly growing pink. “That is such an asshole thing to say, isn’t it?”

“I--”

“I should be asking you that,” Emma said quickly. “How have _you_ been, Regina?” she asked, a small smile dancing over her lips, her cheeks still pink with embarrassment. “Good, I hope?”

“Yes, I’ve been well, considering. How have you been?”

“Is that a real question or are you just asking to be polite?”

“It is a real question, Emma.”

Emma grinned then and flashed her badge on her belt with an even bigger and proud smile. “I’m the sheriff now,” she chuckled. “Things have been good, though, considering.”

“And Henry? How is he?”

“Henry’s good, doing great, well,” she said and shook her head. “He’s doing as great as he can be. Mostly keeps himself outta trouble when he isn’t being emotional and a total emo kid, that is.”

“Is that right?” Regina laughed. This conversation felt different than the last. It felt easier. “He looks great. He’s very tall now.”

“He looks like his fucking father,” Emma muttered under her breath angrily. “Look, I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk much the other day.”

“It’s fine. I understand.”

“I heard that you’re this big shot lawyer now.”

“That is absolutely not true,” Regina laughed. Again. The line moved ahead of them a little and they both stepped forward. “I do all right for myself, but a big shot lawyer I am not.”

“One day you will be, I’m sure.”

“I don’t think so,” she said and shook her head, sensing that the conversation had gone from easy to tense with just a few words. “It’s not my ultimate goal. For now, I enjoy what I do. In a few years, however, who knows where I’ll be.”

“Somewhere great, I bet.”

Emma smiled that polite smile of hers again and leaned back against the wall. Regina turned around since it was too easy to just get lost looking at Emma, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to look away after having been away from her for so long. Their brief encounter, while amicable, was already awkward enough as it is and Regina certainly didn’t want to make a fool of herself by pushing Emma into a conversation that neither of them knew how to have. Or one she herself knew she wasn’t ready for yet.

Fighting her inner demons was hard enough and now she had to fight the overwhelming feelings that were coursing through her all because of the brief, awkward conversation with Emma Swan. It was too much and it put her into flight mode, ready to run out of there as fast as she could, but her bladder was winning that fight at the moment and she sighed dejectedly. She strained to see just how many people were ahead of her in the line and groaned as she realized it was not moving quick enough at all.

Her anxiety was building as the minutes passed by far too slowly. Each minute felt excruciating and torturous. Emma was still behind her and the silence between them was not helping in keeping her mind from wandering, her thoughts now centering around how much she just wanted to turn back around, to just grab onto Emma, and just _kiss_ her.

She swore it felt like she’d held her breath waiting in line for the next ten minutes to use the bathroom. Once she was finished, she paused to stare at herself in the mirror and shut off the tap with a scoff. She didn’t normally come undone this easily, but just being around Emma Swan again had thrown her for a loop. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise as Emma always seemed to have that effect on her right from the start. It was, like many other things, one of the things that hadn’t changed at all over the years; Emma’s ability to render her into a complete puddle of goo with just a small little smile.

It had caught her by surprise a little bit, however, just as her realization she’d had over the past handful of days that she was still so very much in love with that woman who had haunted her dreams, her memories, for many years. She had been so certain those feelings had stopped, lessened even, but she was wrong and she knew it. It only took returning to Storybrooke to realize that she had never stopped being in love with her and that made being in love with Emma Swan feel like a drug, one she just couldn’t quit.

She was a divorce and criminal lawyer, she’d been through more highly stressful cases and situations over the years than she could count on both hands, and she had been able to handle the stress that came with it just fine, but this? Being back in Storybrooke, seeing her family again, old friends and acquaintances, and then with seeing Emma again, it was just too much.

All it did was remind her of a life she’d given up a long time ago because she had been too damn selfish to stay and try to fix things, to work things out. All it did was remind her that had she stayed, things would’ve been different still, and she couldn’t help but wonder just how much would’ve remained the same and what would’ve actually changed.

She couldn’t stay there any longer. With her emotions on edge and with her quickly losing the fight against her inner demons, she had to leave. She quickly finished up in the bathroom and she flung the door open and stormed right out into Emma’s arms accidentally.

“I’m sorry,” Regina stammered, her eyes stinging with hot tears. “I’m just--I’m going to go.”

“Are you driving?” Emma asked as she gently released the hold she had on Regina’s arms before she waved at the person behind her to go ahead of her. “Well?”

“Pardon me?”

“I’m the sheriff, Regina, so I have to ask whether I’m off-duty or not. Are you driving?”

“I haven’t been drinking tonight, Emma.”

“Doesn’t answer the question.”

“Are you abusing your authority, Sheriff Swan? I would’ve thought that you’d know better than that,” she scoffed. “I walked here if you must know,” she said in a huff. “Does that answer your question, Sheriff?”

Emma backed away with her hands in the air. “Just trying to keep everyone in my town safe and sound, Regina, including you. See you around.”

Regina watched as Emma grabbed ahold of the man she’d waved ahead of her in line by the back of his t-shirt, but it was done without malice and the man just laughed before making a flourish towards the bathroom door, allowing her to take back her spot and head in there first. She rolled her eyes and walked down the long, narrow hallway, ignoring the looks she was on the receiving end of from almost everyone that was waiting in line that had witnessed her exchange with Sheriff Swan.

Regina found Kathryn had moved from their table as soon as she walked out of the hallway. She was sitting at a table now with Ruby and Zelena, the three of them in a fit of laughter as Regina tentatively approached them.

“Kathryn, I’m leaving,” Regina said once she had her friend’s attention. “Perhaps we can get together tomorrow before I head back home?”

“Absolutely,” Kathryn replied and her laughter died down completely. “But, it’s early yet, Regina. Do you really have to leave now?”

“Yes.”

“She’s no fun anymore,” Zelena said with a pout and ended with a short, sharp laugh. “I told you!” Another laugh and Ruby along with Kathryn joined in. “Regina, you didn’t even come to find me to let me know that you were here and now you’re just leaving?”

Ignoring her sister, who was clearly drunk already, she motioned to the door and said to Kathryn, “I’ll give you a call in the morning. Do you still have the same number?”

“No, but you can call my father’s landline. I’m staying with him while I’m here. Perhaps tomorrow we can talk about getting together when I come to New York on Wednesday. I’ll be there for a few weeks to spend some time with Patrick before I return to Tokyo.”

“Absolutely,” Regina smiled and Kathryn stood up to give her a quick hug. “If you are up before I call in the morning, call me. My number is still the same.”

“Alright!”

“Bye, Regina,” Ruby said. “It’s too bad you didn’t come by sooner. We could’ve had a really fun girl’s night tonight with you here!”

“I told you,” Zelena laughed as she leaned into the brunette beside her. “She’s no fun!”

Regina flashed a polite smile at her sister and Ruby before she walked away from their table and headed straight for the door, weaving her way quickly through the crowd. She faltered just as she reached for the door when she heard a group of people start to chant Emma’s name as she exited the hallway. She barely made it two steps out of the door before her legs felt as if they were about to give out from underneath her.

Gods, she was pathetic, wasn’t she? She couldn’t even last an hour being in the same room as Emma without her mind going to places it had no business going, not after it had been a decade since they’d last been together. Their brief conversation, both of them, in the hallway had been awkward and full of tension, just as it had been when they’d last spoken that morning and they hadn’t said no more than two words to one another once the reading of the will was over. Emma had been quick to leave just as she’d been quick to retreat to her old bedroom.

Regina wasn’t sure if she’d ever be ready to have the conversation she knew she needed to have with Emma. It was a conversation that was long overdue, one where they’d end up talking about where they’d left things and why ideally. Regina still didn’t know the whole reason why she had left, but she remembered how angry she’d been, how furious she’d been that night. It didn’t even matter how long it’d been since then. The pain from that night still lingered and it truly didn’t matter if it’d been ten years, five, or even a few days--as she knew it should’ve been at best--it was something that Regina could just not let go of and easily forget no matter how hard she had tried.

Their breakup wasn’t something that had happened out of the blue, it had been building up to that point for months beforehand, but it didn’t matter really, because there were answers left unsaid on both ends.

It was her fault. It was Emma’s fault. It was both of their faults. Mainly, though, Regina blamed herself because she was the one that left. She didn’t just leave the house, she left the town, and she had left her entire life behind.

It was inevitable, however, because Regina knew they needed to have that conversation. That conversation would bring closure. Closure. That’s exactly what Regina knew she’d needed all that time. It was what she’d been looking for for years and she only just realized it as she walked away from the Rabbit Hole down the quiet and dark street.

There was no way of knowing how Emma felt, but she seemed to be doing well, like she had moved on with her life and that was that. Maybe Emma had found her own closure without her over the years, but Regina had no way of knowing and she wasn’t sure she was ready to find that out.

Not yet.


	9. Chapter 9

Regina sighed tiredly as she pulled into the driveway of her mother’s house just after ten that morning. She was exhausted as she’d barely slept the night before, tossing and turning as her mind was filled with hundreds of thousands of thoughts and most of those, unsurprisingly, centered around none other than Emma Swan.

Memories were exhausting especially when they came with a mountain of emotions she hadn’t felt in just as many years. With memories came the dreams, Emma’s once-fading face back in full focus it was like watching her favorite movie in black and white her whole life and suddenly everything was in full color and surround sound. Dreams she tried to avoid, then and especially now.

In the handful of sessions with that crackpot therapist she’d gone to see, the first one came just hours before her fifteenth day of sobriety. The doctor was a little kooky for her tastes, leaning on the side of unconventional and borderline creepy in the way he dug at her for more information. The first time he tried to get her to talk about Emma Swan was during the second session and she had walked out of his office, vowing never to return. She returned a few hours later after she’d found herself pacing on the sidewalk outside of one of her most frequented bars a block away and on the verge of a complete panic attack.

But she refused, _refused_ , to talk about Emma Swan and their relationship. She refused even though she _knew_ it was the lack of closure still after all those years that now kept her awake at night and her sobriety at stake.

Dr. Bart never mentioned it again and after the third session, he never had a chance to bring it up at all. Regina nearly returned to the office for a fourth session and decided against it at the last minute. For good reason too. It wasn’t until weeks later she caught a report on the news that Dr. Bart had lost his medical license due to unprofessional conduct with another patient. She knew he’d been a creep right from the start and that alone kept her sober easily for a few weeks.

Regina sat in her car for a while after she’d pulled into the driveway. In her haste to slip out of the house earlier that morning, she had forgotten her suitcase upstairs. The plan, the original plan, was to leave straight from the diner after her breakfast with Kathryn. That hadn’t happened because of course it didn’t. She’d been in Storybrooke now for four days, far longer than what the original plan had been when she left on Thursday.

Nothing was happening the way she expected it to--or in the very least had hoped it would be.

And now she had to take the risk of running into her mother or Zelena and that was something she had vehemently avoided earlier and wasn’t going to let it happen now. Thankfully, neither of their vehicles were in the driveway and that provided her ample opportunity to leave without feeling compelled to say goodbye to either of them. She was tired of the guilt that came after every conversation.

Regina headed inside and straight up the stairs. As she walked by her niece’s bedroom, she could hear music playing from beyond the closed door. It was similar to the music on the iPod Robyn had lent to her and she’d listened to the songs when she’d woken up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. She stopped when she heard her niece swear and then the music stop a second later. She chuckled softly and lifted a hand, knocking on the door twice.

“Yeah?”

“Working on something new?” Regina asked as she opened the door and Robyn jumped up from her desk in surprise. “From what I just heard, it sounded good.”

“Shit, Aunt Regina, you scared me!” Robyn laughed and she sat back down at her desk and turned to the computer for a moment. “The hook needs a better beat. Henry and I are gonna work on it later when he comes around,” she said and she laughed again. “I thought you were leaving?”

“I am, yes, in a few minutes,” she replied and she lingered in the doorway. “I just wanted to say goodbye to you. I thought you would’ve been sleeping. It’s barely past ten.”

“I’ve got the rest of summer vacation to sleep,” Robyn said. “Besides, Emma is coming around to pick me up soon. Hen and I are going to Portland to pick up some new equipment we ordered a while back. Got shipped to the record store there by accident and they are refusing to send it here.”

“I’ll leave it to you then,” Regina said with a smile and she was caught by surprise as Robyn jumped up and suddenly hugged her. “Don’t worry, dear, I’ll be back next weekend.”

“We’re not gonna be here, well Grandma will be. I’m going camping with Ma, Emma, and Henry next weekend.”

“Oh?” Regina couldn’t see her sister camping at all. It made her laugh. “Camping?”

“Yeah,” Robyn shrugged a little. “We do it every year now. We go up to Rattlesnake Point. Grandpa said it’s where--”

“We used to spend summers when I was a child to celebrate the Fourth of July. Your mother always put up such a fit over going, too,” Regina said with a fond smile at the memory. “From what I remember, it is very beautiful up there. I haven’t been in over twenty years.”

“Maybe you should come with us sometime? Ma and Emma have had the cabin booked for like a year or something.”

“It’s not exactly camping if it’s being done in a cabin, is it?”

“Oh, you have _no_ idea,” Robyn laughed. “Henry and I, we always take our tents and hike up past the hill. So yeah, it’s camping for us while Ma and Emma sit in the cabin and drink wine and cider until they pass out. It’s hilarious, really.”

“They really are close, aren’t they?”

“Best friends,” she said with a nod. “Why? Is it that hard to believe that Ma and Emma could ever be friends?”

“A little, yes.”

“You _really_ don’t know _anything_ , do you?”

“No,” Regina said sadly. “As I said before, I want to change that. It’s long overdue.”

“Yeah.”

Just how Regina was going to change things, she wasn’t quite sure yet, but she had to do it at least for her niece. She had to figure it out and she would. Whether it was a phone call every once in a while, or whether they spent time together when she did return to Storybrooke to look after her father’s horse, she had to start somewhere and her niece seemed to be the best place to do just that.

She didn’t want to make any promises she wouldn’t be able to keep, either. She had disappointed more than enough people in the last decade, her niece included, and she didn’t want that to continue on any longer than it already had.

Regina walked into the bedroom, stepping over some of the dirty clothes scattered about on the floor. She reached for the pen in the little holder on the desk and then for a post-it beside it. She quickly wrote down her number, both her cell and landline.

“Call me whenever you like,” she said as she gave her niece a hug and put the pen down beside the pad of post-it’s on the desk. “Though,” she paused as Robyn smiled at her before she settled back down at her desk, “I must warn you that I do get quite busy with work and I may not be able to take your call right away and that it also may take me a little while to return it as well.”

“It’s all good, Auntie Regina. All I ask is that you _try_ this time.”

“It’s the only promise that I can make to you right now, dear. I promise that I will try.”

“Better than nothing. I’ll take it.”

Regina left and headed to grab her suitcase, taking a minute just to make sure she absolutely had everything because the last thing she needed was to make the trek back to Storybrooke any sooner than she planned to. Satisfied she had everything she came there with, she headed out, walking down the stairs quickly. The sound of the front door suddenly opening startled her enough to stop her in her tracks halfway down the staircase.

“Robyn?” Emma called out from where she lingered in the doorway, not quite coming inside. “You ready to rock and roll, kiddo? Car is running! Come on! We got two hours max before I gotta get back to--Regina?”

“Hello, Emma.”

“Hi.”

“Robyn is in her room,” she said as she descended down the last of the stairs slowly and Emma stepped in the open doorway. “I’m sure she’ll be right down. I know she was expecting you.”

“Right,” Emma laughed a little nervously and shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jean shorts. “We’re just going for a little road trip over to Portland.”

“Yes, Robyn informed me of the little mishap with the equipment.”

“Are you heading out?”

“Yes, I am,” Regina said with a small nod and she walked past Emma and out the front door. She exhaled sharply as soon as she’d stepped outside. She really hadn’t expected to see Emma again before she left.

“Is that it?” Emma asked as she followed Regina out to the driveway. “You’re just going to leave without saying goodbye?”

_Again._

“Yes, I am.”

Emma scoffed and followed Regina over to her car. “We need to talk, Regina.”

“I know we do, but that is not going to happen today or right now, Emma. You have things to do and I have to get on the road. I have a job I need to be back for first thing tomorrow morning. You know how much I hate driving at night alone, so I really need to get on the road now.”

Regina watched as Emma stomped over to the back of her car and pulled it open once Regina had popped the trunk. Emma stomped right back over to her and tried to take her suitcase from her hand with a scowl on her face.

“When are we going to talk then, huh?” Emma asked. “Are we ever going to talk about what happened between us, Regina?”

Regina sighed and allowed Emma to finally take her suitcase from her. “I don’t know,” she said, sighing heavily as Emma hoisted the suitcase up into the trunk with a small grunt. “Honestly, I don’t know if I am ready to--”

“Ready to talk?” Emma finished for her and she slammed the trunk shut so loudly it made Regina jump. “I get it, but,” she said and looked over to her old yellow Bug as Henry got out in a huff. “It’s been ten fucking years, Regina. When are you going to be ready? Ten years from now? Twenty?”

“You want to talk? Do you have something that you want to say to me?” Regina deadpanned and Emma balked. “Whatever it is you want to say, just say it, Emma Swan.”

“This is not how it is supposed to go and you know it.”

“How is it supposed to go?” Regina asked, her voice dripping in sarcasm even though her heart was _aching_ profusely. “I apologize? You apologize? And then what? We move on with our lives just as we have been doing all this time?”

“Mom,” Henry said as he chose that moment to tentatively approach them on the driveway. “I’m gonna pop inside and get Robyn. We really gotta get going. Nick and the guys are expecting us back before one so we can work on our new mix.”

“Yeah, go ahead. Just hurry up and get your lazy butts in the car already.”

“You two really need to get your shit together,” Henry mumbled as he tried to walk away, but Emma was quick to grab onto the back of his shirt.

“Kid, I’ve told you a million times--”

“But you do!” Henry snapped angrily, looking at his mother and then over at Regina. “It’s been ten and a half years and you two are still acting like freaking children about this! You always tell me to get my shit together, Mom, so guess what?” Henry was _fuming_. Emma let him go and he shook his head at her. “This is me telling you to get _your_ shit together. If you ask me, you two should’ve talked about this years ago. I don’t know what the problem is, but maybe you’re right, Mom, maybe Regina really is a selfish bitch.”

Regina winced and flinched at the slap Emma promptly delivered across Henry’s cheek and it was a move she could tell that Emma regretted immediately. Henry backed up, eyes wide with tears threatening to fall and he raised a hand to his stinging cheek.

“Henry--”

“Don’t,” he said coldly. “Just don’t.”

Emma was frozen as she watched Henry storm off into the house. Regina simply turned on her heels and headed for the driver’s door, fumbling with her keys and pulling away when Emma reached out to try and stop her. She glared at Emma with venom in her eyes. She could hardly believe what she had just seen. She could hardly believe that Emma had raised a hand to her own son, especially after knowing what she did about Emma’s life before she ever came to Storybrooke. Especially too since Emma had vowed when she promised her son mere minutes after he’d been born that she’d never hurt him in any way ever in his life.

“Regina, I’m sorry--”

“I am not the one you should be apologizing to right now,” Regina said lowly. “You should go and apologize to your son. He didn’t deserve that.”

“He shouldn’t have said what he said, either.”

“It’s true though, isn’t it?” Regina asked coldly as she pulled open the door. “I truly am a selfish bitch. It’s how he sees it, how he see me. He has the right to speak his mind and should not be punished for it.”

“He can speak his truth but he doesn’t have to be a disrespectful little asshole about it. I’m sorry,” Emma said and she frowned deeply. “I’m sorry, Regina. Maybe it would’ve been best if we hadn’t run into each other like this.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

Emma stammered as she took a small step towards Regina. “I’ll uh, I’ll just--just wanted to--uh, have a safe drive home, Regina.” Emma suddenly surged forward and wrapped her arms around Regina, the quick embrace taking her by surprise. She froze, her hand still gripping the side of the door as she held it open and before she could react, Emma pulled back with an awkward laugh. “Sorry, it’s just--I--we never--”

“Had a proper goodbye the last time,” Regina finished quietly, nodding in understanding. She placed a hand on her abdomen in an attempt to calm the butterflies that had taken flight so suddenly. “Goodbye, Emma.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed out heavily. “Goodbye, Regina.”

It was Emma who walked away first, walking back down to her car that was parked on the street and she got in, slamming the door hard behind her. Regina let out a shaky breath and fought her way past the undeniable urge to storm up to Emma’s car and demand a proper goodbye. She didn’t, though. She couldn’t.

All she could do was get into her own car as she tried to fight off her tears, and the tears weren’t the only thing she was fighting, either. With her emotions running as wildly as they were, she knew she had to get the hell out of town before she did or said anything more that she’d later regret.

And she had more than enough regrets to last her a lifetime already when it came to Emma.

Emma. Emma. _Emma_.

Regina drove and she didn’t stop, not until after she’d driven past the “Leaving Storybrooke” sign along the side of the road. She pulled over, still fighting back her tears, and she found the iPod that Robyn had lent her in the backseat and popped the right earbud in before she pressed play. It wasn’t her style of music and it reminded her too much of the days she’d spent in clubs dancing and drinking far too much. But even with those memories dancing in her head, it did its intended purpose and distracted her from the one thing--the one person on her mind.

Despite that, she drowned in the solace that she found in the steady beat and with a quick shift of the gear into drive, Regina hit the gas, the tires nearly spinning out on the gravel as she pulled away from the shoulder. She reached for the iPod in her lap and turned up the volume, hitting the gas a little harder as she stared up at the long road ahead.

[X]

“What the hell is your problem?” Zelena barked on the voice mail as Regina listened to her most recent message she’d left. “Is that what you just do now? Leave? Oh wait…of _course_ it is. Give me a ring back within the hour. I will keep calling until you do. Mother is seeing red worrying about you because, surprise, surprise, you up and left without saying goodbye to anyone! Again!”

It had been a very long drive from Storybrooke to Manhattan, nearly ten hours if nobody counted the one-hour stop Regina had made for dinner at an old favorite restaurant in Boston on the way. It was after midnight when she finally got home and she started listening to the dozens of messages her sister had left for her throughout the day while she’d been driving and purposely ignoring those phone calls. Regina groaned after each message, hitting delete after she listened to each one.

She was dead on her feet tired and she groaned at how empty her refrigerator was as she opened the door, and save for a few condiments and bottles of water, there was a takeout food box with food inside she knew for certain was no longer edible. She tossed it into the trash and reached for her cell, ready to play the next message when it started to ring. Zelena’s name showed up on the screen for what felt like the hundredth time that day and she contemplated for a moment whether or not to answer the call at all. Knowing her sister wasn’t bound to give up yet, she answered it, lifting her ear slowly and already hearing Zelena talking the instant that she picked up.

“Regina? Regina, are you there?” Zelena said impatiently as Regina brought the phone to her ear finally. “Bloody hell, _now_ you answer. What the hell is your problem? You couldn’t answer any of my calls either or bother to call me back?”

“I was driving, Zelena. I only just got in,” Regina replied. “What do you want? It’s late.”

“I am well aware of what time it is, thank you. Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been when you didn’t answer a single call all day?” Zelena asked in a flurry and from the slight slur in her voice, Regina knew she’d been drinking and likely for the last couple of hours, too. “I swear I thought that maybe you had died in some horrific car crash. My anxiety level have been through the roof all day. I called every bloody hospital from here to New York, I have spent hours on countless of news websites and--”

“I’m fine.” Regina’s voice was tight as she spoke, but even she could hear the sheer exhaustion as she spoke. “Look, I’m sorry that I never said goodbye to you or to Mother. I did say goodbye to Robyn--”

“I know you did, she told me all about it!” Zelena yelled, cutting her off. “I honestly could care less if you said goodbye to me or not, sis, it’s Mother that has been going on and on about how you just up and left like you did before. Do you have any idea of the bloody torture she had put me through all day since you left? Do you?”

Regina rolled her eyes. Her sister could be unnecessarily and melodramatic and it didn’t surprise her at all. No, it was the way she found herself surprised that she had _missed_ it more than she’d originally thought. She had said goodbye to her niece, twice, and she hadn’t seen her mother after she got home from the Rabbit Hole and she’d purposely avoided having to run into any of them early that morning before she’d left for breakfast with Kathryn.

“Zelena--” Regina stopped herself and shook her head. “I am not having this conversation with you. It’s _late_. I have to be up early to meet with a client.”

“Just riddle me this, little sis, why did you take off last night? You could’ve stayed, had a few drinks with us, and had some fun. We _wanted_ you to be there.”

“ _You_ wanted me there,” Regina corrected her. “I wasn’t in the mood and I as I just said, I am not having this conversation, Zelena. Goodnight.”

“Emma did nothing but talk about you last night.” It was that simple statement that kept Regina from hanging up the phone. “She hasn’t done that in years. It took a few shots to get her going and once she started, it was impossible for her to stop.”

“Zelena, stop.”

“I don’t give a damn how long it’s been since you two broke up, but if you even think for a minute that Emma isn’t still in love with you, you’re an even bigger bloody idiot than I ever imagined.” Regina bit her tongue and Zelena continued, “and quite frankly, Regina, this whole sobriety thing you are trying for yourself? I hope it works out for you better than it’s working out for Mother.”

Regina sighed heavily, “Goodnight, Zelena,” she said after a moment and ended the call before abruptly dropping her phone down on the small counter. “Gods, she groaned as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Let me be strong enough, please.”

When Regina first quit, deciding she was done, she had gotten rid of every bottle she had in her apartment and her office. She had kept one, the vintage Bordeaux she’d been gifted by a colleague when she first opened her firm. That bottle, a 2009, was locked in a safe under her desk in her office where it would remain for no less than a full fifteen years. Her father told her to hold onto it and that in fifteen years she would reap the benefits of tasting a finely aged bottle of wine.

Now all she could think about was that very bottle--screw waiting!--and _knowing_ it was there, just a short walk from the kitchen and through the office space to her desk, it was driving her over the edge she’d been teetering on for the last handful of days. That crockpot therapist had suggested she revisit the idea of joining AA and going to meetings, much like she did for the first week of her sobriety and had given up on that too easily.

Regina was nothing like those people and they were nothing like her. They had real problems, real hardships, and for them alcohol had literally ripped their lives apart to pieces. Regina had her own issues, sure, but she wasn’t open to the idea of sharing her innermost private thoughts with a room full of strangers every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday night indefinitely.

She had made it, she’d done it alone for the last six weeks or so, and she could continue to do it. She just needed to find the strength somewhere to stay on that road. Her trip home to Storybrooke had thrown her completely for a loop. It had pole vaulted over the goddamn sun before launching her at full-speed out of the very universe, to infinity and beyond.

Regina had barely taken half a dozen steps out of the kitchen when her phone began to ring again. Annoyed wasn’t even the word for what she was feeling as she stormed over to the counter and picked up her phone furiously without looking at the caller ID.

“Zelena, I already _told_ you, I am not--”

“Regina? It’s me,” Kathryn said quietly, her voice sounding small and watery. “I’m so sorry for calling so late as I imagine you just got in, but I don’t--I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Kathryn, what’s wrong?” Regina asked, her anger subsiding quickly as she made her way up the stairs and sat down on the couch as she listened to her best friend crying softly on the other end of the line. “Kathryn?”

Regina tiredly toed off one shoe and then the other before she curled up on the couch. It was a torrent of sobbing, Kathryn clearly unable to speak at the moment, and all she could do was sit there and wait so very patiently for Kathryn to calm down and speak. It was late, yes, and she was exhausted beyond belief, but she was not about to tell Kathryn to call her back in the morning.

She wasn’t a truly terrible friend, after all.

“He broke up with me,” Kathryn managed to choke out.

“What?”

“Patrick,” Kathryn sighed shakily. “He broke up with me. Maybe Leroy is right about me. Patrick basically called me his bad luck charm and said it was best if we just went our separate ways.”

“He actually said that to you?” Regina asked incredulously. “Oh, Kathryn, I’m so sorry.”

“He didn’t exactly say it though it was clearly implied,” Kathryn replied and Regina could hear her still sniffling though it seemed the torrent of tears had stopped. “He didn’t even call me,” she continued, her voice becoming a little more bitter and a lot angrier with every syllable. “He _texted_ me. Can you believe that? What a fucking asshole!”

“Indeed,” Regina said with a short laugh. “What exactly did he say in this text?”

“Kitty Kat, I’m sorry, but it’s over,” Kathryn said and she scoffed. “I have to focus on my career and I can’t do that with you. Not right now. I should’ve realized this before we started talking. Sorry. Best of luck.” Kathryn was quiet for a moment. “It’s not like I monopolized all of his time or anything. We have barely been together and the next few weeks in New York was going to be the first time we’ve really spent together since we met.”

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” Regina said gently. “From what you told me over breakfast, he seemed like he was a true gentleman.”

“After that immature stunt he pulled breaking up with me over text? He is far from being a gentleman. He is a man-child, at best. He didn’t even have the fucking balls to call me, or at the very least to do it in person. Now I’m stuck with one-way ticket to New York and no place to stay.”

“Stay with me.” Regina didn’t have to think twice about it. “I don’t have much room, but it’ll be cozy and far easier and cheaper than trying to find a decent hotel in this city at the last minute.”

Kathryn squealed out in surprise and suddenly it was if her internal torment over being dumped had disappeared. “Are you sure?” she asked excitedly and Regina laughed. “Oh, thank you, Regina! My flight leaves the airport in Portland on Wednesday morning just after eleven.”

It went without saying that Kathryn absolutely did not want to spend any more time in Storybrooke than she had to. Kathryn had spent her whole life trying to get out of Storybrooke and she managed to, just, when she went to BU after Regina first dropped out to take care of Emma and Henry. Besides, even Regina knew that Kathryn didn’t get along with her father that well and there weren’t many places to stay for a couple of weeks in Storybrooke, either, not in the summer when Granny’s bed and breakfast filled up quickly during the summer months.

“I’ll be working out of my office tomorrow morning. I shouldn’t be too busy by the time you arrive.”

“Perfect. Text me your address and I’ll let you know when I’ve landed. Goodnight, Regina, and thank you. I--I needed to talk to someone and I know it’s late--”

“As I have always told you, you can call me any time, even in the middle of the night. That still stands despite how much our lives have changed. I will see you on Wednesday, Kathryn, and we can sit down and talk about this more then if you need to.”

“Thank you. You are such a good friend, Regina. Whatever would I do without you?”

Regina laughed. “Goodnight, Kathryn.”

It was a slow and tedious task of getting ready for bed in her current state of exhaustion. Phone plugged in to the charger on the bedside table, alarms--four of them--set for the morning, a glass of water placed in its usual spot beside her charging phone, and once the lights were off and she crawled into her soft bed, she closed her eyes, but sleep didn’t come easy. It wasn’t coming at all.

It had been an impossibly long day already and she had spent the first half of the drive trying to forget her encounter with Emma before she had left town that morning. But, that wasn’t what was going through her head as she laid in the dark and listened to the sounds of the city just beyond the cracked window nearby. She was thinking of that phone call with her sister and then of the one she’d just had with her best friend. It was the one with Zelena that had her mind racing a million miles.

_…if you even think for a minute that Emma isn’t still in love with you, you’re an even bigger bloody idiot than I ever imagined_.

Was it even true or was Zelena, as usual, just talking about things she didn’t understand?

Was Emma really still in love with her? After all that time? Had Emma said something to Zelena or was this just Zelena speculating and taking things out of proportion, assuming without facts?

A wave of nausea washed over her and she turned on her side, holding her pillow close, and didn’t bother to fight the tears this time.

She was tired.

Exhausted.

It was going to be a very long couple of hours before her alarms started to go off bright and early.

And then she would go on with her life, one she’d chosen, while dreaming of a life she had left behind once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got a job and I don't know how that'll affect the current update schedule but if anything changes I'll be sure to give you guys a heads up! Thanks to those who are leaving comments, you have no idea how much it means to me that you take the time to leave a comment even if you aren't sure what to say, it always makes my day!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as if I had to say something instead of individually responding to certain comments and becoming very repetitive, so here we go…
> 
> I am only going to address this once and because it’s made me increasingly frustrated, I felt the need to write a note before this chapter to discuss this cause of my frustration. Let me be very, very clear on one thing, Emma is NOT the pursuer as some have falsely accused her of being. I have no idea where you are getting that assumption from, but I ask that you just be a little more patient and let their backstory be told instead of jumping to conclusions and continuing to leave these comments that make me not want to continue to share this story with all of you.
> 
> I want to remind all of you that this is a very long story that is complete on my end. There is a lot that still has yet to be revealed. Please have a little patience, is all I ask, and if you choose not to, then I guess this isn’t the story for you.
> 
> As for those who are actually paying attention to the story, thank you. I appreciate you more than words can ever express!
> 
> Now, on to the chapter with one last reminder that anything between [...] indicates a flashback.

[…]

It had been one of those long, exhausting days that never seemed to end. Regina was tired beyond belief after finishing a double-shift at the Rabbit Hole. She’d been the last one working for the last two hours before the last call. She had the sole responsibility of cleaning up after Leroy and his friends after they’d left the bar in a stay of disarray after of night of drinking. She even had to call Sheriff Graham after Leroy had one too many shots and tried to pick a fight with anyone that even so much looked in his direction.

Needless to say, she was beyond exhausted after what was far from an uneventful night at work. She’d been working so much lately that she couldn’t even recall the last time she’d had more than four hours of sleep and she was looking forward to doing nothing more than grabbing a quick bite to eat and to crawl into bed after.

All she wanted to do was sleep. And sleep.

Emma had called her just after two, just after she’d closed up the bar for the night. She always checked in with her especially when she closed up alone, and had asked her when she would be home. It had tested what little patience Regina had left in her and she’d snapped at Emma before she’d hung up the phone.

It had been happening a lot lately. Things had been hard for a while and it seemed as if every little thing escalated into a fight far too easy.

Regina pulled into the narrow driveway and parked behind Emma’s old yellow Bug. She stared at the back end of the old car and sighed. Emma had left the side door light on for her and just faintly she could see the TV on, the light coming out of her and Emma’s bedroom. Frowning, she turned off the car and sat there for a moment. She hated when Emma waited up for her, especially since Emma knew she’d be home later than usual after that short conversation they’d had an hour earlier.

She had been gone since early the previous morning after only getting a few hours of sleep the night before. She had been at the stables just before sunrise, helping Josef get ready for the small riding competition that was being held that morning for their youngest class. Every single muscle in her body ached. She had been tired before she walked into the doors of the Rabbit Hole just before ten o’clock and she had been beyond tired when she asked Claudia to stay for the second shift.

They needed the money. Emma hadn’t worked much all week because Henry had caught a cold during the first week of kindergarten and she’d been home with him as he recovered. It couldn’t be helped, obviously, the boy needed his mother. It still had irritated Regina because she was so _tired_.

Regina stopped after taking a few steps into the house when she walked in the side door a few minutes after she got out of her car. The kitchen was worse than it’d been when she left almost twenty-four hours ago, dishes piled in the sink, a pot on the stove that still had food in it.

“Are you serious?” Regina murmured angrily under her breath as she walked over to the stove in a huff. “What the hell is wrong with you, Emma Swan?”

They’d been fighting a lot, too much, mostly over petty things like what she just walked into with the dishes piled up high in the sink for days on an end. Their mounting frustration over Henry not sleeping well because he was having nightmares was endless, too, especially on nights when Emma refused to get up with him multiple times throughout the night and it was Regina who ended up laying on Henry’s small bed, soothing him back to sleep. Because Emma was tired.

As far as she was concerned, Emma didn’t know the true meaning of exhaustion like the way she did now with a grand total of no less than twenty hours of sleep scattered over the last week. She’d been like that after Henry was born, but it’d been different then because they had the luxury of Regina’s mother staying over those first few months. They looked after the baby in shifts and it allowed the three of them more than enough sleep than anyone deserved with a newborn baby.

They fought over how much the other worked and how much they needed to work because the bills were mounting up and it never seemed like it was enough. They had to rotate their jobs to fit it around taking care of Henry because they couldn’t even afford a babysitter after Henry’s babysitter left to move to Montreal not long after his first birthday. It worked for a while as there were some months it’d been easier, but it hadn’t been easy for over a year at that point. It wasn’t just barely scraping by that they fought about, it was Emma’s carelessness when it came to spending money.

Never mind the electric bill that was one overdue payment from getting a final notice, never mind the payments for the loan Regina had to take out two months ago just so they could pay the mortgage, and never mind that Emma had missed a payment and no longer had insurance for her car. Emma had used the last of what was left of their savings to buy groceries earlier in the week and splurged on junk food and other unnecessary items.

Regina was fed up.

Two days ago, they’d fought about Henry’s father Neal even though it had been months since he’d died by selfishly taking his own life. As soon as the word ‘selfish’ had left her mouth, Emma had lost it. It had been a struggle especially when it came to trying to explain to a five-year-old boy why his own father killed himself. Emma had told Henry the truth. _I won’t ever lie to my own son_. It was the first time Regina blamed Henry’s nightmares on her and the way she had poorly handled that delicate conversation with a child who did not have that level of understanding yet.

It turned into a bigger fight when Regina confronted her about how different she’d been since he died. Emma was in denial that anything had changed, but Regina had seen it and she didn’t like what she’d seen at all. Emma was cold and distant, shut off from the rest of the world and everyone in it, including her son. Regina already loathed the man Emma had once called Henry’s sperm donor and because after his death she referred to him as Henry’s father, it made her hate him even more. It made her so angry at Emma because he was never Henry’s father. He’d never been there except when it had benefited him most.

Their last fight had been when she’d come home from the stables to quickly shower before her shift at the Rabbit Hole that previous morning. The one thing she had asked Emma to do was to do the laundry. That was it. The pile in the basket and on the floor remained untouched when Regina came back home. It had been like that and growing larger all week. They usually switched weeks back and forth and it had been Emma’s week to do it.

Emma claimed she’d forgotten. Regina had been furious and luckily, she managed to find something clean to wear to work, but it didn’t leave her with much time to shower quickly as she had planned. She was nearly late for her shift because of it and because she had practically ripped Emma a new one before she’d left the house wearing a t-shirt she realized too late smelled a little too funky.

“Hey.”

Regina clenched her fingers tightly around her keys she still had in her hand at the sound of Emma’s voice. She walked over to the counter to place her keys in the bowl by the back door and sighed.

“Busy night, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Leroy?” Emma asked and Regina rolled her eyes. She walked over to the refrigerator without a word and pulled out a bottle of water. “Never-ending shots during Happy Hour again?”

“And then some,” Regina said, hesitant to reply as she kept her back to Emma and continued to look through the refrigerator. It was nearly empty save for a few leftovers in containers from the other night. She shut the door and cast a glance over at the sink of dirty dishes and sighed. “Emma, you’ve been home all day with Henry. Why are the dishes still not done? Most of them have been sitting there for three days now and I--”

“I’ll do them in the morning,” Emma snapped. “Why are you always on my case about the damn dishes? I’m not the only one eating off of them, you know.”

Never mind the fact that Regina had been eating out of containers for almost a week because she was never home for any of the meals Emma had been cooking. Those she’d washed up at work before bringing them home.

“You have been at home _all damn day_. In fact, you’ve been home for most of the last week and I have done nothing but work my ass off. I’ve been working between eighteen and twenty hours every day. I’m barely home to eat, much less use any of the dishes that are in the sink. That is why I am on your case,” she snapped right back, fuming. “I thought that we agreed that the housework and other chores would be split fairly?”

“You agreed, sure, but I’m always the one who ends up having to actually do these things.”

“In case you haven’t realized, I’ve been working my ass off because we need the money!” Regina said angrily, careful not to raise her voice since Henry was sleeping. “You haven’t worked a single shift all week. I know it can’t be helped that Henry has been sick, but that doesn’t mean--gods, Emma, one would assume that since you are home all day that things would get done! I don’t have time to do chores since I am the only one bringing in any money at the moment!”

“Regina--”

“And to top it off,” she continued as she glared at Emma. She wasn’t done yet. “To top it off, you spent all night last Saturday at the Rabbit Hole while I was working, drunk and demanding free drinks while you played pool and squandered what little extra money we did have away like it was god damned Monopoly money! You called me in tears because Ashley wouldn’t let you drive home drunk with Henry in the middle of the night!”

“Regina, I’m sorry, you knew I just needed to let off a little steam and--”

“A little steam?” Regina shook furiously as the anger coursed through her white hot. “I haven’t had a single day off in seven months. Seven months, Emma! How do you think that I feel when I come home and find out that once again you haven’t done a single thing around here to help out? Is it too much to ask for you to do anything around here? Do you think that I enjoy living in a goddamn pigsty?”

“I took Henry to see Archie today.” Emma was quiet and her voice sounded small.

“What?” Regina looked at her as if she’d grown a second head. “Why on earth would you take Henry to see a shrink? He is only five years old!”

“His father just killed himself a couple of months ago, Regina. He’s not dealing with it very well and I thought that it would help if he talked to Archie--”

“Henry barely knew his father,” Regina countered, her rage still blinding with no sign of subsiding and she didn’t care. She just didn’t care. “Where are you even getting the money to pay for this? We are behind on every bill. Do you even care that we’re about to have the power shut off on Thursday if we don’t somehow come up with the last three payments before then?”

“God, Regina, I _know_.” Emma was shaking too and she had tears in her eyes. “What the hell else was I supposed to do, huh? He is having nightmares. Every night! He’s not sleeping and I’m worried. This is all happening because you thought it’d be a good idea to tell him the truth. I thought Dr. Hopper could help and that things could just go back to normal, back to the way they used to be. Don’t you want that?”

“For the record, Emma Swan, it was not my idea to tell him, you were the one that told him, and it was _your_ idea to get into the details about why his father killed himself. Henry is five. Children are resilient. All he needs is a little time and a lot of love, not sessions with Dr. Hopper when we can barely even afford to keep the damn lights on!”

“But I--we’ve been trying, Regina, and it isn’t enough. Whatever we’ve been doing has been all wrong and hasn’t been helping him at all. I am at my wits end here too okay! I am only doing what is best for my son.”

Never mind the fact that aside from the past week because Henry had been fighting a stubborn cold that kept him home from school, Emma had whined and complained about being too tired to keep getting up at all hours of the night because Henry was having nightmares.

With a clench of her jaw in an attempt not to say another word, Regina downed the bottle of water and crushed it forcefully in her right hand. She took a few deep breaths before she walked over to the refrigerator and reached for the half-empty bottle of cheap vodka off the top. She needed to take the edge off, even just a little, as Emma was infuriating her to no end.

“What is best for _your_ son is not a shrink,” she said tightly. “What is best for _your_ son is not being carted off to a teenage babysitter for most of the night while you go out drinking and playing pool and betting off what little extra money we do have. What is best for _your_ son is for you to figure out what the hell you are going to do with the rest of your life. This is obviously not working the way things are going now, are they?”

“That’s not fair.” Emma frowned and Regina became even more enraged, especially with how calm Emma was being at the moment. “You know that I’ve been trying to study for my GED so that I can do better for him.”

“Oh really? Is that why you’ve spent the last five years coming up with one incredulous excuse after another as to why you still aren’t ready to take that test? To better yourself for your son? Let me ask you again, what the hell are you doing with your life?”

“What are you doing with yours?” Emma was mad now, though not outwardly showing much emotion at all. “You had an entire university education lined up and paid for and you just gave that up? For what?”

“I gave it up for you and Henry!”

Regina clamped a hand over her mouth as she’d all but screamed the words out. The room fell into silence and Regina grabbed the only clean glass out of the nearly empty cupboard and poured some of the cheap vodka into it. She downed it in two large swigs and poured some more. She screwed the cap back onto the bottle and let it down gently, her hand shaking as the anger shot blindly through her whole body at once.

“Why?” Emma challenged and she reached out to stop Regina from lifting the cup up again. “Why bother giving something up that would’ve taken you far away from here, from this life? For us? Nobody even knows we’re together, Regina. Your family still fucking refers to me as either your friend or your roommate. I thought I was supposed to be your girlfriend, your partner?”

“You are.”

“It sure as shit doesn’t feel like it anymore. God, I am so fucking tired of all the lies. I can’t even keep track of them anymore and I hate, god I so fucking hate how easy it is for you to continue pretending like this is all normal. It’s not! Have you ever stopped to think about just how hard it has been for me?”

“It is never easy for me, Emma. None of this has ever been easy for me. I thought you said that you would be patient with me. Isn’t that what you promised me in the beginning?”

“That was more than five years ago! How long did you expect me to be patient with you? To keep that promise and go along with all the endless lies that you tell people about us? Did you expect me to be like that forever? To keep going on and acting like it was totally okay that you’re stuck in the closet and pulled me in there with you?”

“No,” Regina said stiffly and she pulled her hand free from Emma’s grip and downed the vodka in the glass. She placed it down slowly and turned to Emma with a scowl. “You know what? You won’t have to worry about that any longer. You want things to be easy?” Regina swiftly walked out of the kitchen and into their bedroom with Emma hot on her heels. “I’ll leave. Is that easy enough for you, Emma?”

“Le--leave?” Emma stammered, her tone, her whole demeanor, her composure changing in an instant. Her tears sprung back to her eyes as she stopped short by the bed and watched Regina pulled out a duffel bag from the closet. “You don’t have to leave. Regina, please.”

“No, it has suddenly become very clear to me now that this is exactly what I have to do. This isn’t working anymore. Clearly, neither of us are happy and from the sounds of things, you are beyond done with all the lies. You are done with _us_. Let me make it easier for you and I’ll be gone. Gone and out of your life.”

“Regina, no.”

Ignoring her, she unzipped the duffel bag as she put it on the bed and walked over to the dresser and began pulling out some of her clothes. When she filled it up, she headed for the closet and started to dig through the boxes and other junk and growled when Emma tried to stop her.

“If you know what is best for you, you will step aside. Now.”

“Regina, please--”

“No,” Regina shouted as she finally reached her last nerve. “Do not say another damn word, Emma Swan. Do not touch me. Do not stop me. Now, step aside.”

“Just like that?” Emma’s voice cracked in emotion and if she hadn’t been so angry, Regina would’ve broken completely. “All because of what? One little fight?”

“That is just the thing, is it? It isn’t just because of one little fight. This isn’t the first one but I am going to damn well make sure that it is the last. This is one of far too many and frankly, my dear, I am just as tired of this as you are tired of the lies. I will either be back for the rest of my things,” she said, giving up on finding another bag or even a suitcase in the closet. “Or I will send someone to pick them up for me.”

“Where are you going?”

Regina was silent as she zipped up the bag and picked it up, struggling with the zipper for a second and then she picked the bag up, swiftly walking out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen to grab her keys. Emma, of course, was right behind her.

Because of course Emma wasn’t going to just let her leave.

“Where are you going, Regina?” Emma questioned. “To your parents’ place?”

“No.”

“Where? Can you tell me that at least, please? Where are you going?”

“As far away from here as I can get.”

[…]

The pain she’d felt then, it was still as strong as ever now. It felt fresher than it had in years but only because she hadn’t thought about that night, their fight, that heartbreaking look on Emma’s face as she finally made it out to her car and left. It hurt now just as much as it had then, but Regina refused to let the tears fall as she had shed far too many in the days that followed when she first left Storybrooke and never looked back.

It had been such a trying time in her life and in her relationship with Emma. She wanted to cry. She wanted to lash out in anger--mostly at herself for being such a stubborn idiot. She knew _now_ she shouldn’t have left the way she had, just after three in the morning, but there was absolutely nothing she could do about that now.

She could apologize. She could make amends. She could try and take back the things she had said even though she had meant them. It wasn’t that easy, however, and time didn’t lessen the pain that still lingered and consumed her over something that had happened a decade ago.

The breakup had hurt, but what hurt the most, especially after seeing Henry again all grown up now, was what had happened the following morning just hours after she’d left before the sun even had the chance to wake up and rise high in the sky. She ended up at her parents’ house after spending a few hours sleeping in her car she’d parked down by the harbor. She needed her passport and a few other things along with her stash of bills she’d been hiding away, tip money, that was intended to help lessen the blow of the increasing debt that they were racking up steadily.

It had been barely seven o’clock and her mother was already gone out for the day and her father still sleeping soundly in his bed. She wasn’t even in the house for ten minutes before Emma showed up with Henry half-asleep in the car. Emma parked the bug behind Regina’s car in the driveway, refusing to move out of the way in an attempt to get her to stay. It had only enraged her more so and she could not see past her blinding white-hot anger as she yelled at Emma to get the hell out of her way.

No, what had hurt more was how Henry had managed to get himself out of his car seat, climbed over to the front and got out of the car while Regina stared Emma down. He was bawling his eyes out and even though Emma ordered him to get back into the car, she was helpless as he ran over to Regina in an attempt to stop her too.

Regina had made no attempt to pry him off as he’d wrapped his little arms around her legs at first and her heart had broken at the way he just refused to let go. It had taken every ounce of her strength to hold back everything she had wanted to say to Emma up until the moment Henry had gotten out of the car and even more so to hold back the tears that had threatened to fall, especially after the way Henry cried for her to stay. She shushed at him when he started to wail and she tried to console him, running her fingers through his hair tenderly until he finally loosened his grip.

She could still remember how hot his tears had been as she picked him up and kissed his cheeks, whispering to him that she loved him to the ends of the earth and back again before she had all but placed him into Emma’s arms and demanded she move her car immediately.

She had waited, impatiently, arms crossed over her chest defiantly until Emma did as she was told. And then she left.

Horns honked loudly outside and she sighed, laying there in her bed much as she’d done for the last handful of hours mostly awake, and brought herself back to reality. Her dreams and memories blurred into one heavy burden of guilt. Tears pricked at her eyes and she swallowed the lump of disappointment as she got out of bed.

When she closed her eyes now, she could see that moment she’d been driving away when she’d made the mistake of looking in the rearview mirror and watched as Henry squirmed in his mother’s arms. He broke free and had run off down the sidewalk after her car as far as his short, chubby little legs could carry him. Her heart was already broken, but that moment had shattered it and now all she could feel was all the cracks it’d left behind.

_How_ did she leave after that? She had been furious, her anger boiling still hours after that fight. Her anger drove her out of town. It didn’t quite leave once she was gone, though. That stayed with her for a long time and some of it still lingered. Sometimes, it was hard to tell the difference between the demons she battled and the memories of the kind of person she’d been when she’d left like that. That single moment still hurt. It ached so very deep.

She didn’t blame Henry for being so cold and distant with her when he’d seen her. It was clear he still remembered that moment, too. He still remembered the heartbreak and he still felt it, just as she did.

She made her way downstairs, feeling dizzy with exhaustion, and headed to the kitchen to put the coffee on. It was still early. Her alarms hadn’t even gone off yet. Her dreams, just like her memories, hadn’t been this strong, this intense for years. A lot had to do with the trip back to Storybrooke, of course, but a lot had to do with those deep-rooted feelings stirring up inside again, too.

Regina knew--and she still wished--that she should’ve gone back. She wished she’d had the courage back then to truly be herself, to love Emma fully without hiding behind all the lies. It had been exhausting hiding behind those lies. Emma had been done with the lies long before that fight, but the difference with Emma was that she was a lot stronger and she tried a lot harder to make their relationship work. Regina had given up completely and let her anger consume her. Regina was pretty sure she’d given up on ever finding a moment when she wasn’t mad at Emma at one point or another.

She’s been so _tired_ those days. And it hadn’t just been Emma that enraged her, it’d been everyone she’d encountered in those last handful of days in Storybrooke.

It had been her fault, though it hadn’t been hers alone. It takes two to make a relationship and two to make things fall apart. They were both at fault in their own ways, Regina more so since she hadn’t even bothered to reach out to Emma after she had cooled off to try and fix things or even just to apologize. Emma had deserved an apology in the very least. No, she’d been so damn stubborn and her anger had driven her onto a different path in her life at the time without Emma and Henry in it. She was _still_ stubborn and the only difference now was that she knew it and was no longer in denial. Mostly.

There had been a handful of chances for her to make amends over the last few days in Storybrooke and she hadn’t taken any of them. She had a chance during the wake, she had her chance at the Rabbit Hole, and she’d had her chance when she’d been leaving that morning.

Regina just wasn’t ready.

Would she ever be ready for that long overdue talk with Emma? Would it ever feel like it was the right time? A decade had passed and yet it _still_ felt too fresh, the wounds in her heart aching too deep. It didn’t matter how much time had passed. It wasn’t any easier than it would’ve been if she had tried to talk to Emma a decade ago, five years ago, or even a few days ago.

She just wasn’t ready. Not then, not five years ago, and not a few days ago.

It was the main thing that had kept her from going back. It was her anger that kept her away, too. It was her relentless stubbornness. It was the denial that she wasn’t at fault that she carried for a long time before coming to terms and realizing it wasn’t true. It was the admittance of it being her fault, hers for starting the fight, hers for not trying to resolve it as it was happening, hers for leaving. It was her fault they still hadn’t found closure, proper closure and amends.

All because she just wasn’t _ready_.

Still, she wasn’t sure if she was ready now, but she wanted to be. She didn’t want it to hurt anymore, she didn’t want her memories to be kept at bay to keep the nightmares away. She was tired of all the long and restless nights she’d lay awake, wondering if it was better to go without sleep completely or face the memories in her dreams just as she’d done with what little sleep she’d had that morning.

She wanted to be able to think back on all those memories, the good ones, the bad ones, and all of the ones in between. Emma had been a crucial part of her life and she knew that it was what was missing from it now. When Henry came along, he became her whole world and she’d not only broken Emma’s heart, it was his, too. The guilt she carried and lived with because of the choices she’d made so long ago, it was a burden she wasn’t sure how much longer she could bear.

The tears fell long before she finally put the coffee pot on and before the first alarm even went off. It felt so heavy, so very heavy, and she knew she had to do something about it before the guilt tore her up from the inside.

She couldn’t handle that. She wasn’t strong enough to carry that.

At the first sound of her alarm, she knew it was time to make her amends. It wasn’t entirely for selfish reasons, it was because deep down she knew her father would’ve wanted her to do just that. He would’ve wanted her to make her amends. A part of her knew, after everything she’d seen when she’d gone back, that he’d wanted that for a very long time.

And it was time. She had to start somewhere, didn’t she?


	11. Chapter 11

By Wednesday, Regina had fully submerged herself in her work, picking right back up where she’d left off. Monday had been a struggle after the restless night she’d had, but it wasn’t anything a couple of strong cups of coffee couldn’t fix, even if only temporarily. A new client, a rather difficult one at that, kept her busy from the moment the woman walked into her office demanding to meet with her.

That particular client was a definite piece of work. Most of hers were as she always took on the cases no one else would touch with a ten-foot pole. This client, a woman who had been married for eight years and suddenly decided she wanted a divorce, but there was a catch. The woman had recently come into an inheritance and didn’t want her soon-to-be ex-husband getting one red cent. And it was that particular client who had come into her office just before nine o’clock on Monday morning that thwarted the plans she’d made over her first coffee to call Emma.

She wanted to call her to apologize. She knew when she’d made that decision early on Monday morning that it was a coward’s way out, that Emma deserved more than an apology over the phone, but it was a start and she had to start somewhere.

Of course, that phone call never happened at all, not with her new client now taking up most of her time for the last handful of days. By the time she’d woken up that morning, she’d decided that a phone call was just that, a coward’s way out.

Regina’s newest client had kept her extremely busy, and that wasn’t the only case she had on her plate, either. She had an old client that called late in the afternoon on Monday asking her to represent them again. That case was complex in a whole different fashion as it had previously been settled out of court when that women had first divorced her husband. That client now wanted to take their now on-going custody battle to trial as the father of the children had threatened to stop paying child support and would fight for full custody of the children.

Clients with children were always more difficult as there were laws in place that she couldn’t change no matter how much those clients begged her to and some who _expected_ her to. She didn’t often take on divorce cases with children involved because she’d seen so many families ripped apart in ways that should’ve never been had the parents just found a common ground and came to a mutual agreement with the children’s best interests at heart. It was those people who turned out to be the most selfish of them all, but Regina was wondering now after meeting her newest client if that was even true anymore.

Regina was in the middle of drafting up a court order for the old client’s custody trial when she received a text from Kathryn letting her know her plane had landed and she was waiting for her baggage in the terminal. Shortly after that first text, her newest client came barging into the office demanding an unscheduled meeting with her.

She’d allowed the woman into her office, though she really didn’t have much of a choice as the woman was overly demanding and refused to leave. Her head was throbbing as she sent a text back to Kathryn discreetly informing her she was stuck with a client at the moment. She was about to type out another text to tell Kathryn to take a Lyft instead of a cab as it wouldn’t cost her as much when the woman in front of her slammed her hand down on the desk and it made her jump in her seat.

“Ms. Mills, are you paying attention? Are you even listening to a word I am saying right now?”

“Hmm?” Regina nonchalantly put her phone face down on the desk. “I have told you, Mrs. Whittle, the law, unfortunately, does not work the way that you wish it to. You may be separated, but you are yet to be legally divorced, and by law, your husband is entitled to half of any and all assets. Unfortunately--”

“Like _hell_ he is getting half!” Marie Whittle screamed as she bolted up from the chair. The force of it made the chair fall, clattering loudly on the floor. The sudden crash caused Regina to jump a little again. “I told you that I do not want him to even know about this money. Nobody knows about this money. I haven’t even cashed the check from the insurance company. Do you even understand that I have been living in poverty since he kicked me out of the house that _my_ parents bought us when we got married? Do you understand any of that, Ms. Mills?”

Regina remained calm and reached for her notepad and picked up her pen. “Was the house a gift?” she asked, her eyes on the paper as she started to write. “Do you have a copy of the deed to the house? I will need to see that as it needs to be submitted as part of your shared assets. The house is in whose name, exactly?”

“I gave you everything you requested and it’s all right there in front of you, Ms. Mills,” the furious woman said as she pointed to the open fold on the desk. “I don’t know why you are making this whole thing so difficult--”

“Are you able to provide a copy of the deed, Mrs. Whittle?” Regina asked, her voice tight and firm.

“The house was originally in my father’s name and that jackass had him change it about two years ago and _his_ name was put on it. He did it while my father was on his deathbed with just days left to live! That’s not right! My father wasn’t even in the right frame of mind! How is that right? How is that even legal?”

“It isn’t,” Regina replied and placed her pen down gently. “Your father did sign off on the changes that were made and that would’ve required an estate lawyer to be present and to provide the proper legal documents. Do you have any of these documents, Mrs. Whittle?” Regina paused, waiting for the furious woman to calm down. “Mrs. Whittle?”

“No, of course I don’t have these documents or else I would’ve given them to you,” she snapped. “I told you, that jackass did this. I didn’t find out about any of this when I was in the bank and trying to take out a loan with the house as collateral. It made me feel like a damned fool!”

“What was the estate lawyer’s name?” Regina asked and she picked her pen up again. “Do you know who it was?”

“Yes, he was my father’s lawyer for many years. Eryk Templeton.”

“Anita?” Regina called out and her assistant appeared in the doorway a moment later. “I need you to take Mrs. Whittle and gather some additional information. I need you to get the contact information for Eryk Templeton and get in touch with him immediately.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Unfortunately, Mrs. Whittle,” Regina said as she forced a smile on her face and motioned for the woman to walk over to the door. “I have another client that I’m due to see shortly. They have an appointment and I need to prepare before they arrive. Anita will take care of things from here and we will make arrangements to meet tomorrow afternoon to continue preparing your case.”

“This is absurd--”

“I will be sure to call you after I have gotten in touch with the estate lawyer. I’ll arrange to have the original copy of the house in your father’s name transferred over,” Regina continued without missing a beat and she walked over to the fallen chair, picking it up slowly as she kept her eyes on the angry and flustered woman standing a few feet away. “As I told you yesterday, these things take time. We may need several weeks to prepare for this case and I will do my best to help you in moving forward as quickly as we can. Now, if there is anything else that you can think of that we haven’t already discussed, Anita will get that information from you. Have a wonderful day, Mrs. Whittle.”

Regina cast a hard, cold glare at the angered woman. The woman, flabbergasted, snapped her mouth shut and she obediently followed Anita out of Regina’s office. Regina closed the door once they were out and returned to her desk, sitting down with a heavy sigh as she stared at the papers on her desk.

She hadn’t exactly lied to the woman. She did have a meeting with another client, but it was a phone conference that had been rescheduled since last week. Twice. She quickly gathered up the paperwork on her desk and filed it away. She stood at the tall filing cabinet by the window that faced the street. Dread filled her as she got out the next client’s thick folder. She wasn’t looking forward to that conference call with the defendant’s lawyer regarding a written agreement she was hoping both parties would agree to before it was taken before a judge. What made it difficult was the ex-husband’s lawyer was an old friend from university and they had been on good terms up until this case started up again.

She had cleared out her afternoon for that day late on Monday in anticipation of Kathryn’s arrival in the city. Already she was looking forward to a break as the last couple of days had been mentally taxing. She groaned as she looked up at the clock on the wall and wondered how the hell she’d just spent the last four and a half hours with that aggravating woman.

“Gods,” Regina murmured under her breath as she returned to her desk. “What have I gotten myself into?”

Marie Whittle, a woman so paranoid and so determined that her soon-to-be ex-husband did not find out about her recent inheritance, hadn’t even paid the retainer. _When you secure my money, I can cash the check and pay you_. It was unorthodox in her practice to take on a case without that retainer, but she was confident as there were laws in place to protect that inheritance, especially if it was made out to her long before she met her husband. She was already preparing for a lawsuit, which would inevitably follow and one she knew she could win as well.

Normally, she’d have passed on a case such as the Whittle Vs. Whittle case, but with the heavy workload that came with it, it was a perfect distraction from her own life and one she felt she needed. The case would be relatively easy, unlike the client that came with it. Now she was seriously beginning to consider referring the woman to someone else, to pawn her off, as she wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to remain calm with the way that woman believed she had a right to talk to her with nothing but a nasty, entitled attitude.

New York City was full of people just like that woman. It made Regina exhausted just thinking about her future there, especially since she specialized in the difficult divorce cases with entitled, immature idiots who expected her to change the law for them.

Ten minutes before the scheduled call was due to start, Regina’s phone buzzed a few times on her desk. She sifted through the pile of papers she was going over as she searched for her phone as it continued to buzz. She picked it up to see several texts from Kathryn on the screen.

**Lyft or Uber?**

**This airport is madness.**

**Regina??**

**Do you want me to call you?**

**Lyft. They’ll get you here with less the hassle.**

**I’ll see you soon.**

**Hopefully.**

**I’ll see you within the hour.**

Regina placed her phone near the edge of the desk and continued to prepare for the conference call. She could hear Marie Whittle in the outer office yelling at her assistant. She pinched at the bridge of her nose in annoyance and it took everything she had to remain where she was and not throw that annoyingly arrogant woman out onto the street after having a few choice words with her. She knew this woman would be a headache and a headcase when she first met her and now she was regretting even allowing that woman to waste a moment of her time.

Things calmed down, fortunately, and when Regina’s phone rang, she promptly answered it. She greeted her colleague and old friend in a friendly and professional matter as she knew she was on speaker with her client’s ex present for the call. Once they were past the pleasantries, things began to take a turn for the worse, not for her, but for her colleague. As soon as the name Jack Donaldson was mentioned, the ex-husband started uttering threats that he would come after Regina’s client for everything in her name if she did not agree to give him full custody of the children.

Nobody won against Jack Donaldson despite his unethical practices. The man had a notorious reputation not to mention he was one of the most expensive lawyers on the east coast.

“Julia, can you please calm your client down?” Regina asked as calmly as she could muster.

“Sir, please--”

“No! They are my children too! That evil bitch won’t even let me see them on their birthdays! How is that fair to them? They deserve to see their father, too!”

“Sir--”

“Why the hell did I hire you?” The man was shouting now and all Regina could do was sit back and listen. “You are a fucking pussy! I am paying you to fight for me, not for that bitch! You keep telling me that I have zero rights when it comes to acquiring full custody of _my_ children. I don’t give a flying fuck!”

“Mr. Mason,” Regina said as she leaned forward in her chair and she tried again, raising her voice. “Mr. Mason!”

“What?”

“There is no need for that kind of language. Mrs. MacArthur is doing all she can to work with you in a civilized matter and, as I am sure she had told you, the law is the law, Mr. Mason. Neither she nor I can change how the law works. Now,” she said and she cleared her throat, “if we can all just calm down, I’d like to arrange for a sit-down meeting if you’d prefer that instead? Mr. Mason?”

“What I prefer is for Jack Donaldson to be my representation going forward, Ms. Mills,” he barked and the loudness of it made Regina pull the phone away from her ear. “I won’t be recommending you to anyone, Mrs. MacArthur. You’re fired.”

“Jesus,” Julia said after a door slammed hard in the background. “What did we ever do to end up with clients like this, Regina?”

“Whatever it takes to pay the bills,” Regina muttered with a bitter laugh. “I’m sorry, Julia. Let me know whether he actually drops you and whether or not we are going to be moving forward.”

“Absolute. To be honest, I’d rather him drop me. This has become a case I haven’t felt comfortable with for a while now. I wish I could tell you why, but I take client confidentiality as seriously as you.”

“Keep your lips sealed,” Regina chuckled lightly. “You know I’ll find out what’s truly going on sooner or later.”

“You always do,” Julie laughed. “I will call you later, regardless. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Indeed, but I have a friend coming to visit and I won’t be in the office or taking any calls for the rest of the afternoon. In fact, it’s actually a good thing this conference call went quickly as she’s on her way here from the airport right now.”

“Kathryn?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, do tell her I say hello!”

“I will,” she replied. “Goodbye, Julia.”

The stress of the day was taking its toll on her as she hung up the phone. She wanted nothing more than to take a couple of aspirin for the headache that was creeping up on her, but she didn’t have any in her office and was not taking the risk of being able to slip out of her office unseen. Marie Whittle was still there, still talking to Anita--berating the poor woman was more like it. An idea sparked as she rubbed over her temples and picked up her cell phone. Kathryn answered on the second ring.

“I need a favor,” Regina said quietly.

“Of course. Anything.”

She explained her client to Kathryn and immediately Kathryn told her she knew exactly what she needed to do. Kathryn would show up at the office pretending to be a new potential client that she had a meeting with. Regina hoped that Anita would go along with it as she put her phone back down on the desk only to pick it back up a minute later with a text from Kathryn informing her she was less than five minutes away according to her Lyft driver.

Regina cleared her desk once again and listened as the woman in the outer office continued to belittle her assistant. Anita was used to clients like that, unfortunately, as she’d been a law clerk for the last thirty-five years of her career. She could hold her own, so Regina wasn’t too worried. The woman had balls of steel and Regina had learned a lot from her since she first hired her.

Everything fell silence in the outer office when the door opened no less than five minutes later. Regina smiled as she heard the sound of Kathryn’s voice.

“I’m here to see Ms. Mills. We have an appointment.”

“Uh, I’m sorry? Who are you?” Anita asked and Regina was up from her desk and at the door in a flash. “Ms. Mills does not have any appointments scheduled for this afternoon, ma’am.”

“It’s all right, Anita. I’ve been expecting her. Come in, Mrs. Midas.”

“Certainly,” Kathryn grinned as she strolled over to Regina’s door, her carry-on luggage wheel squeaking lightly as she pulled it along the hardwood floor. “By the way,” she giggled, “it’s Ms. Midas now.”

“So,” Regina said as she shut the door. “How does this divorce work, exactly? Is Frederick changing his name back to his, ahem, maiden name?”

The inside joke was not lost on Kathryn as she left her luggage by the door and joined Regina at her desk. “Are you kidding?” she scoffed lightly. “You know he’ll never change his name back to Henderson. You do remember how his family practically disowned him when he legally changed his name right after high school, don’t you?”

“Of course.” Fred had been Jim until freshman year of high school. Suddenly, he had people calling him Frederick and then just Fred. Why, there wasn’t a concrete reason, but a lot of it had to do with him trying to distance himself from his family. Regina always called him by the former because it had always annoyed him to no end and amused Kathryn. “How was your flight?”

“It was fine. What is with that scary looking lady out there, Regina?” Kathryn looked at her pointedly before they both started to laugh. “She looked like she was about to burst a vein as soon as I walked in.”

“Which scary lady are you referring to?” Regina asked and she leaned up against the edge of the desk near Kathryn as she took a seat in the chair with a heavy sigh. She watched Kathryn look around her office curiously for a moment before she continued, “one is my law clerk and the other is a new client I’m seriously reconsidering at the moment.”

“If you ask me, one is in serious need of a chill pill and a lesson in fashion and the other should be embracing the thought of retirement real soon. I’m not wrong, am I?” Kathryn asked, careful to keep her voice low. “Why on earth would you take that woman on as a client, Regina?”

“Shh!” Regina hushed her and placed a finger to her lips before she walked over to the door to listen. She could hear Anita politely trying to usher Marie Whittle out the front door to no avail. “You know me, Kathryn. I like a challenge.”

“Gods,” Kathryn tittered as Regina walked back over to her and took a seat behind her desk. “Fred’s new boyfriend would have an absolute field day with that woman. Did you even see what she was wearing? Hideous! Absolutely hideous! Stripes _and_ leopard print? Did she even look in the mirror before she left the house? Because I’m pretty sure she looks like she should be heading off to clown college with that makeup and that outfit of hers.”

“Be nice, Kathryn.”

“What about your assistant?” Kathryn asked. “She looks like she’s seventy! Shouldn’t she have retired by now?”

“Respectfully, ma’am, I am sixty-three and I am not an assistant, I am a law clerk,” Anita said as she entered the office after a short knock on the door.  The woman was still clearly frazzled after having to deal with Regina’s most difficult client to date. “Ms. Mills, must I say that that woman is quite daft. She insisted on a meeting for first thing tomorrow morning despite having repeatedly explained to her that we would be in touch after we’ve spoken with the estate lawyer. She had me pen her in for three o’clock tomorrow afternoon. She was quite insistent. She wasn’t happy with the time and threatened to show up quite early.”

“What exactly is her idea of early, Anita?” Regina asked dreadfully. Anita lifted her hands with an exasperated sigh. “Please tell me she isn’t going to show up before nine as she has for the last couple of days. I don’t think I have the energy to deal with her showing up like this every day.”

“Cancel it,” Kathryn said pointedly to Anita before she got up and extended a hand. “Hi, I’m Kathryn, Regina’s oldest and dearest best friend. Regina is respectfully booking the day off tomorrow to spend the day showing me around the city, isn’t that right, Regina?” Kathryn grinned brightly at her and at Anita, who stood there looking confused. “It’s been absolute ages since we last saw each other.”

“Ms. Mills, do you want me to cancel?”

“Yes. Do it,” Regina said without hesitation. “In fact, I need you to clear my schedule for all of tomorrow, please. Thank you, Anita. Once you do that, you can leave early for the day and don’t worry,” she said quickly before the woman could protest, “You will be paid for time off. I know you’ve been saving up for your retirement. I’ll even add a little to your monthly bonus as an added incentive to reschedule that meeting with Mrs. Whittle for some time next week.”

“Next week?” Anita wrung her hands nervously. “Are you certain?”

“Yes. Thank you, Anita.”

“Ma’am, what if Mrs. Whittle refuses a reschedule for next week? She’s been awfully persistent that we move forward quickly.”

“Reschedule in two weeks if she gives you any problems,” Kathryn chuckled lightly and her face fell into a much more serious look. Regina knew that look as it was one Kathryn got whenever she came up with an idea. “Actually, Anita, put the reschedule on indefinite hiatus because as of now, Ms. Mills is taking a short bereavement leave of absence and will return to work the week after next.”

“Regina,” Anita stammered with a shake of her head. “You have other meetings and you have a court appearance on Friday afternoon that has been scheduled for a month. I don’t think that you can--”

“She can and she will,” Kathryn stated. “Under the law, as we all know, she is entitled to time off for as many weeks as needed for a bereavement leave of absence. Her father has just tragically passed away. She shouldn’t even be working right now. I think you know that as well as I do, ma’am.”

Anita muttered under her breath and sighed as Regina just nodded in agreement with Kathryn. Regina assured the woman it wouldn’t be a leave of absence for very long, promising her she’d be back to work first thing Monday morning, back to business as usual. She asked Anita to go in her place to court on Friday and though it wasn’t something that happened often, it was normal for a lawyer to send a law clerk especially when it wasn’t one of the more important court appearances that had to be made.

“So,” Regina said once her assistant was out of the office and Kathryn started to wander around the small room looking at the different books she had on the shelves. “Whatever shall I do with all this time off now, hmm?” she asked and Kathryn giggled. “Where to first, Kathryn? It’s your first time in the city. What would you like to do?”

“Tomorrow we can hit the town, paint it red or what have you,” Kathryn joked. “Tonight, we order in and we drink.”

“We’re not in our twenties anymore, Kathryn, and you _know_ that I don’t drink anymore.” Regina was already beginning to wonder if she’d made a mistake inviting her best friend to stay there for the week. “Come,” she said as she motioned at Kathryn to follow her and Kathryn grabbed the handle of her carry-on luggage. “I have a bed and a couch upstairs. There’s a bathroom up there, but the kitchen is down here.”

“Sorry. I thought you said you had an apartment?”

“Technically it is,” Regina replied as they made their way to the back where the stairs were. “It’s expensive here to rent. It was more practical to use the space as both my office and my home. The courthouse isn’t too far and the only other part of my commute is to other offices around and occasionally outside of the city. I couldn’t ask for a better balance between my work and personal life. Not everyone can afford those luxuries.”

“You could do so much better,” Kathryn commented snidely as Regina headed up the stairs first. “It certainly sounded as if you were doing much better than…this.”

“I am doing just fine, Kathryn. The rent is paid, the bills are paid, and I’ve been saving up any extra I have instead of squandering it all away as I used to.”

“No, no, of course you are. That isn’t what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

Kathryn walked into the middle of the room after they finished climbing the stairs and spun around. “Is this it?” she asked. “Is this the big dream, Regina? _This_?”

“It is for now,” Regina replied flippantly. “Left side or the right? It’s been a while since we shared a bed and if you don’t want to share, I’ll take the couch.”

“Left, as always,” Kathryn replied without missing a beat. “I won’t let you sleep on the couch in your own home because of me.” Kathryn wheeled her luggage over to the foot of the bed and let out a long exhale. She turned to Regina with a smile. “What is the place that you raved about when you first moved here? Luigi’s?”

“Yes, it is just up the street and they deliver.”

“Order in. Dinner is on me tonight.”

“It’s not even close to dinner time.”

“It is now. You’ve just won yourself a mini-vacation and it started about ten minutes ago. Now, suck it up, buttercup, and enjoy it while you can.”

Regina was in no mood to argue and she liked the feeling she got just from being around Kathryn, a carefree type of feeling that was so very rare with anyone else. Kathryn did like to push her buttons, but never pushed her too far. It had been far too long since she had last spent time with Kathryn and it was just the distraction that she needed after the last week. She truly couldn’t think back to when it had been the last time it had just been the two of them as Kathryn had always, _always_ came with Fred attached to her hip for longer than she cared to remember.

No less than a minute after Regina placed her usual order from Luigi’s and made it a double, Emma’s name fell from Kathryn’s lips.

“So, we need to talk about you and Emma.”


	12. Chapter 12

It felt unusual to be lounging around in pajamas late in the afternoon, but as unusual as it felt, it hadn’t mattered much either. Kathryn had changed after Regina had placed an order and then, with some persuasion, she too changed into a pair of pajamas that were a little on the heavy side for a warm summer afternoon. That hadn’t mattered either, not with the breeze that was blowing through the windows that kept the place cool.

_We need to talk about you and Emma._

Kathryn uttered the words a second time after they’d crawled into Regina’s bed in their pajamas in the dim room as the late afternoon sunlight barely penetrated through the open windows. It wasn’t the first time that Kathryn had tried to talk about Emma. The first had been over breakfast before she’d left Storybrooke on Sunday and she’d refused to talk about it then just as she refused to talk about it now. Kathryn, thankfully, didn’t push, and she let it go, but not after making Regina promise that they’d talk about it soon.

What Regina really wanted to know was more details surrounding the divorce. Being a divorce lawyer and all, she wanted to be absolutely certain that whoever had handled it had done it right. Kathryn didn’t have much more to say that hadn’t already been said over breakfast the other day. Kathryn and Fred had been struggling in their marriage for a while and when Fred had gotten a job offer in Tokyo, they both looked at it as a fresh start for their lives and their relationship. It had been the beginning of the end. It had been an amicable decision between both of them when Kathryn figured out he was having an affair with a male co-worker.

“We had an open marriage, kind of,” Kathryn said. “It’d been open for a long time, I guess.”

“How long?”

“The whole time,” she admitted before she grabbed a pillow and buried her face into it. “Of course, neither of us ever actually took advantage of it until we moved to Japan.”

“When did it start?”

“Regina, it’s been like this for a very long time,” Kathryn sighed and she let Regina pull the pillow away from her face. “Fred told me junior year in high school that he might be attracted to men too. I told him to experiment so he could figure it out. After we got married, I told him that he could still take the opportunity to do that if he felt he needed to. It took him a long time to grow the balls to do just that. I had honestly forgotten about it until I found out about the affair.”

“Could you really call it an affair if you had an open relationship?”

“I guess not.” Kathryn just stared at her for a moment and laughed. “You know, I promised him I wouldn’t tell a soul. Not even you.”

“Yet you told him about Emma and me.”

“No,” Kathryn stated firmly. “I didn’t tell him about you and Emma. After that one night in Cancun, remember? That chick you were making out with in the bar just before the last call? He asked if I knew you were into women and I said yes. I never told him about you and Emma.”

“He asked me--”

“If he asked, it was because he’d drawn that conclusion himself,” Kathryn replied. “Regina,” she paused as she shifted on the bed to sit up and lean back against the headboard. “I made a promise to you when I found out about you and Emma that I would never tell anyone and I never did. Not even my own husband.”

“Is that why you kept his secret from me?”

“Yes. It wasn’t just you. I made him the very same promise that I would not tell a soul and I’ve broken it. I suppose it doesn’t matter much anymore, does it? Oh, and as far as everyone else knows, Regina, we divorced because we fell out of love, not because he’d found someone else and as did I. Please don’t--”

“Who would I tell, Kathryn?” Regina asked and she rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter now. Fred is on the other side of the world and you’ll be going back to Tokyo next week. Life as we know it will go on just as it always has.”

“So, we’re not going to talk about you and Emma?”

“There is nothing to talk about,” Regina said firmly. “Drop it, please.”

“You know, I bit my tongue for a long time and I kept my promise to you that I wouldn’t talk about anyone in Storybrooke because you didn’t want to know. I can’t keep doing that.”

“Well, I need you to keep doing that because I still don’t want to know.” Silence fell between them and Regina got up from the bed. “I’m going to make some of that tea you brought from Japan and when I come back up here, I want to know more about the divorce, Kathryn.”

“There isn’t much more to tell,” Kathryn said as Regina retreated to the stairs. “I’ve told you everything that happened, you know. We split amicably and neither of us wanted anything from the other. Boring, I know, but we’re still friends. We’re not out to hurt each other. We still love each other, you know? We only want what is best for both of us and to find the happiness and love that we deserve even if that means finding it with someone else.”

Regina shook her head and went downstairs to the kitchen. It was rare that two people divorced on such good terms, especially considering the circumstances that surrounded it, but Kathryn and Fred had always been friends, even long before they started dating freshman year of high school. She had always been a little envious of their relationship, too, because it seemed so easy for them to just be together, to be in love, to have a life together even if it did fall apart in the end.

She returned back upstairs once the tea was ready and crawled back into bed with her best friend. At least this time Kathryn didn’t ask her about Emma again and instead they talked about Kathryn’s last couple of months in Tokyo as a newly single woman for the first time in over twenty years. They talked about what Kathryn’s plans were for when the six-month lease she and Fred had signed was up and Kathryn admitted she was debating on whether or not to move back home or to find her place in the world elsewhere.

The second pot of the herbal tea had just been made by the time the delivery boy from Luigi’s came with their order. They laid in bed with the container of lasagna and a couple of forks and ate as they talked about what they’d do the next day in the city and the places Regina wanted to take her to, the usual tourist attractions and some only those who lived there knew about. Kathryn declared by the time they finished half of the lasagna that while it was good, it wasn’t near as good as the lasagna Regina made from scratch and she made a request for Regina’s own lasagna to be made before she left in a little over a week.

They saved the rest for leftovers and stayed curled up in bed drinking tea well into the evening. Kathryn talked more about her life in Tokyo though the life from her voice had drained away compared to the other night at the Rabbit Hole and the diner that next morning. She talked a little bit more about her divorce with Fred and then about her new fling that hadn’t lasted that long at all. Regina, being the good friend and listener she’d always been, barely uttered a word and let Kathryn talk about the baseball player she thought she was falling in love with that turned out to be just another complete narcissist asshole.

Regina still found it so surreal that Kathryn and Fred were no longer together. She had truly believed all those years ago when they’d finally gotten married that they would be together for the rest of their lives. Even after Kathryn had inadvertently fallen asleep just before the sun set, Regina was thinking back to just before her and Fred’s wedding all those years ago.

Just a handful of hours with her best friend had her head spinning with a multitude of memories that came rushing back, memories she hadn’t thought of in many years but hadn’t forgotten. Hearing Kathryn talk about her divorce had her thinking back to what happened just less than a week before the wedding. They’d both been experiencing cold feet though it was at a time where they’d both been at the pinnacle of their happiness. It was before things started to spiral slowly downwards and before the stresses of life took its toll.

She left Kathryn to sleep alone in the bed and curled up on the couch as that memory came back, clear as day, and quickly lost herself within it.

[…]

“I think the wedding is off!”

Kathryn had shown up at the house barely half an hour after Regina had gotten home from her afternoon shift at the stables. She picked Henry up from the babysitter’s on her way home and hadn’t even had the chance to shower or change her clothes before Kathryn showed up. She wasn’t one to turn away her best friend, especially not in a time of need or despair. Henry had, of course, been delighted that Kathryn was there and it had been a struggle for Regina to get him fed some dinner, bathe him, and put him to bed. As soon as he was asleep, she returned to the living room and Kathryn’s meltdown promptly resumed full force.

“It’s over. It’s off!”

“You two will be fine,” Regina insisted as she reached over for Kathryn’s hand. “The wedding is still on. You two have always pulled through the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. You’ll pull through this as well. I have no doubt about it.”

“What if we don’t?” Kathryn groaned. “What if this is it? What if we’re done? We’re supposed to be getting married in less than a week, Regina! Six days! Gods, I cannot wait for this wedding to be over if it still happens. As much as I have dreamt of my perfect wedding day with Fred for as long as I can remember, this…this stress just isn’t worth it. The fights we’ve been having just aren’t worth it.”

“It is worth it, Kathryn. We haven’t spent the last eight months planning this wedding down to the final detail for nothing.”

“I know. I know. I can’t rescind the invitations now, can I? How the hell was I supposed to know that Fred and his parents haven’t talked to Aunt Mabel in twenty years? His sister gave me a list of family members and I just assumed they’d want her there. I should’ve just asked him. It would’ve saved this huge headache that this wedding has become. It is my fault that this happened, Regina. I’m going to lose him and all because we paid for two hundred guests and we’re ten short! Ten! All because I invited Aunt Mabel!”

Regina knew she had to do some major damage control. She’d seen Kathryn fall apart over less. She was right about one thing; the whole thing had been one big headache right from the start. What was meant to have been just a small wedding of under thirty people ballooned to two hundred at the insistence of Fred’s family and Kathryn’s father. It went from being a backyard wedding in the house Kathryn and Fred had been renting just down the street since graduation to a full-on wedding that was now going to be held at the country club just outside of town. Thanks to Kathryn’s father, no expense was being spared.

“You’re not going to lose him because you inviting his estranged aunt. Just because they haven’t spoken in years--” Regina started and Kathryn just scoffed. “It’s still _your_ day, Kathryn. It’s still going to happen regardless of this stupid little fight. Look, you can stay here tonight. Emma won’t mind I’m sure.” Kathryn just sighed heavily at that. “Tomorrow, you call Fred after you’ve both had time to cool off and you invite him over for breakfast. We’ll help, of course, since I know your cooking skills are questionable at best.”

“Hey!”

“Oh, we’re helping with breakfast now?” Emma asked as she strolled into the living room with a bottle of beer in one hand and a bowl of lightly salted chips in the other. “What’s for breakfast, babe? Gonna cook up a whole spread?”

“The usual,” Regina smiled over at her and Emma grinned as she took a seat next to her. “When did you get in?”

“Just now,” Emma replied before she leaned over to steal a quick kiss and grabbed a handful of chips. “Another fight with Fred, huh?” she asked Kathryn and she raised her beer up at her. “Give him like six hours or less. He’ll be calling you before you even have the chance to invite him over for breakfast. Guarantee it.”

Regina smiled again and Emma leaned in for another kiss, this one lingering a little longer since they hadn’t seen each other since early that morning. They weren’t shy around Kathryn, no longer having to hide the true nature of their relationship from her since she’d walked in on them in a rather compromising and intimate position a few months back. Before Regina could kiss Emma once more, Henry came running into the living room and ran right over to Regina, promptly climbing up on the couch and plopping himself onto her lap.

“Hello, my little prince,” Regina said and Henry smiled brightly at the nickname she used. “Didn’t I just put you to bed, hmm?”

Henry giggled and reached up to wrap his chubby little arms around her neck. It was well past his bedtime and they all knew it, even him, but Regina just couldn’t resist the cuddles she got from him, especially those when he was sleepy. She kissed his chubby cheeks over and over again, eliciting adorable giggles from him. Gently she pushed aside his hair from his forehead and placed a kiss there with a smile. Though he was stuck in his terrible-twos stage, he had his moments, good and bad, but despite all of that, she just couldn’t resist him.

“Henry,” Emma said gently and firmly. “Did Gina put you to bed?”

“Yes.”

“Why aren’t you in bed then, sleepy-head?”

“Not tired, Mommy,” Henry mumbled as he fought back a yawn. He was as stubborn on his mother. “Don’t wanna sleep when Kat here. Wanna stay awake.”

Regina laughed as Henry squirmed in her lap before climbing over to sit on Emma’s lap instead. “It is getting late, my little prince,” she said. “You have a big, big day at preschool tomorrow, remember?”

“I do?”

“Your class trip,” Regina gently reminded him. “To the stables.”

“To ride horsies!” Henry exclaimed as he suddenly remembered and his excitement made him burst with joy. “I like horsies, Gina!”

“Me too, darling. I’ll be there when you and all your friends come tomorrow,” she said and Henry lifted his head to smile at her as he fought off another yawn. “So, since tomorrow is a very big day for you, my little prince, I think that someone needs to go to bed now. What do you think?”

“I hafta?”

“Yes, you have to,” Regina said as she enunciated her words and he repeated them.

“Come on, kid,” Emma said and she put down the bowl of chips and her beer on the coffee table before she lifted him up into her arms. “Let’s get you back to bed, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

Regina watched as Emma carried Henry out of the room and took him to his bedroom and back to bed where hopefully he would stay for the rest of the night. Still smiling, she turned to look over at Kathryn and it faded at the odd look that Kathryn was giving her.

“What?”

“Why doesn’t he call you his mother, too?” Kathryn asked curiously. “I find that quite strange actually that he calls you Gina. You’ve been here raising him right from the start.”

“I am not his mother, Emma is.”

“But you’re his _other_ mother, Regina.”

Regina sighed. “I am not,” she said. They’d had this discussion before, shortly after Kathryn found out about her and Emma. “I am _not_ his other mother.”

“Maybe not legally, but you’re more of a parent to him than that jackass whose name is on his birth certificate and has the absolute gall to call himself a father. You are very much a mother to him just as Emma is. You’re helping to raise him, you are here for him every single day. You put him to bed some nights and wake him up in the morning--”

“Kathryn,” Regina said tightly. “We’ve already talked about this before. I’m perfectly fine being whomever Henry sees me as. Right now, I’m Gina. He knows how much I love him and that nothing in the world would change that. That is all that matters to me.”

“He’s simply wonderful, isn’t he?” Kathryn smiled. “If I ever have a son, I’d want him to be just like Henry. I swear he is the sweetest and cutest child I’ve ever known.”

“He’s the only child you know. You hate children, Kathryn. In fact, do you remember when you told me a few years ago to slap you silly if you ever decided to start a family with Fred?”

Kathryn frowned. “That’s actually what started the whole fight. Fred said he wanted to start planning a family since it is the next logical step after getting married, or so people say. You know as well as I do that he’s been against it just as much as I have all this time. I asked him why would we start a family when he couldn’t stand his own because of how horrible they’ve been all his life.”

“I thought you said you two were fighting over old Aunt Mabel again?”

“We were! He started demanding why the hell I’d invite his aunt and her family when he barely spent more than a few holidays with them when he was a toddler. I kept throwing it back in his face that it isn’t a good idea to bring a child up with a family as dysfunctional as his and well, it escalated from there and I walked out. He’s failing to remember that it was his own damn sister who gave me Aunt Mabel’s information in the first place! I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Just as he fails to understand that you are trying to fill up those last ten spots. You’re paying for those plates anyway, regardless if those guests turn up or not.”

“Exactly.”

“Why are you two even talking about starting a family if neither of you actually want one anytime soon?”

“It’s his mother,” Kathryn muttered. “You know how she gets sometimes. Gods, I can’t stand his mother!”

“She’ll be your mother-in-law in less than a week.”

“Don’t remind me,” she said with a heavy exasperated sigh. “If the wedding is still on, that is.”

“Fred will get over it,” Regina said. “I bet you he already has gotten over it and is trying to figure out how to apologize at this very moment.”

“I doubt it.”

Regina shifted on the couch and propped her bare feet up on the coffee table. She loved Kathryn and this was the third time she and Fred had a fight like that since they got engaged a few years ago. Both kept getting cold feet, each for different reasons every time, and now that the wedding was only six days away, this fight was only just a few weeks since the last one had occurred. Regina knew, without a doubt, they’d pull through. Even if Kathryn had already reached the point where she didn’t think they would at all.

She reached out to pull her best friend into a hug, letting her cry against her shoulder as she smoothed a hand over her arm and another over her back. Soon, it would all be over and all the stress surrounding the wedding would be gone. Soon, Kathryn and Fred could start a new chapter in their lives and move forward together as they navigated through marital bliss--and the lows that would inevitably come, one way or another.

“You should call him, Kat.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Then what’s he doing sitting out in his truck just out on the street?” Emma asked as she strolled back into the room. “Just saw him pull up as I put Henry in bed. He’s just sitting out there.”

“He is?” Kathryn looked up at Emma in confusion and surprise. “What should I do?”

“Go out there and talk to him,” Emma replied. “If that doesn’t go well, you come right on back in. If all goes well, we’ll know to lock up for the night since you’ll be going home with him. Where you should be. Where you belong.”

Regina let go and Kathryn stood up on shaky legs before Emma helped her into the light jacket she’d worn over earlier. Emma gave her a quick, tight hug before she opened up the front door for her, watching as Kathryn walked down the front walkway to where Fred’s truck was parked on the street in front of the house. Regina couldn’t help but smile at the way Emma handled the situation with Kathryn. It never ceased to amaze her just how much Emma could care about others so selflessly. Even in the act of kicking Kathryn out because they hadn’t had a night together in weeks due to their tedious work schedules.

Emma shut the door and locked it, sighing as she walked back over to sit next to Regina. “You think they’ll be all right?” she asked. “They’ve been fighting a lot and the wedding is like a week away.”

“They’ll figure it out. They always do.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Emma said with a smile. “Hey, do you think one day we’ll ever be there?”

“Hmm?” Regina asked as she curled up against Emma on the couch. “Be where?”

“You know, ready to get married?”

“Us?” Regina looked at Emma in surprise. “We--we can’t get married, Emma.”

“Well, not yet, no, but I bet you anything that one day it will be totally legal and we can get married and you can adopt Henry and--”

“Neal will never let me adopt him,” Regina said tightly. “You and I both know that.”

“Then we’ll figure out a way to make it happen. I heard what Kathryn said to you earlier, about why Henry doesn’t call you his mother too. I know you said you want him to call you whatever feels right for him and that you’re okay with being Gina right now. Aren’t you?”

“Yes. I’m quite all right with that, Emma. I am not his mother.”

“You’ve been here since before he was born.”

“That still doesn’t--”

“We have raised him together since the moment we brought him home. We have, not just me. Honestly, Regina, I have no idea what we would’ve done without you here,” Emma said and her voice was wavering with emotion. “I could never have done this without you. You are my rock. You keep me going even when I feel like I can’t. You gave me more than just you,” she whispered, trembling as she leaned in to rest her forehead against Regina’s gently. “You gave me your family, too.”

Regina frowned. “They think we’re just friends,” she reminded her.

“Is that something that you’re willing to change?” Emma asked hopefully and Regina, as conflicted as she was, didn’t say a word. “It’s okay if you’re not ready, babe. I’ve told you time and time again that I will wait until you are ready because what we have? It’s worth waiting for. You are worth waiting for.”

“You waited for so long for us to…be more intimate,” she whispered, her face growing hot in embarrassment and a little bit of shame. “It’s too much for me to ask of you, Emma. It’s too much to keep asking you to keep this between us. It is selfish of me to--”

“We waited only what, a year before we were intimate,” Emma said and she sniggered a little as she curled a finger under Regina’s chin to tilt her head up so that Regina would look at her. “We’ve been together for two years now. That’s a long time, Regina. I love you. I know you’re not ready to take that step yet with your family. I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re ever ready. All I care is that you are here. With me.”

“And Henry.”

“Yeah,” Emma chuckled. “The kid, too. I know he loves you more than anything in this whole wide world.”

“I love you more than anything in the whole wide world too, Emma.”

“I love you too, to infinity and beyond.”

Regina snort-laughed. “Okay, Buzz Lightyear,” she chuckled and she snuggled into Emma’s side. She smiled as she laid her head on Emma’s shoulder. “But really, it’s been two years and we--”

“Regina, I don’t care if we spend our whole lives pretending we’re just friends. What matters most is what we have together and, for right now, it’s just for you and me. That’s all it ever needs to be, right? That’s enough.”

“Are you sure?”

“ _You_ are more than enough,” Emma whispered as she dropped a kiss to the side of Regina’s head. “You are my everything.”

[…]

That night had been the only time Emma had ever mentioned marriage and the possibility of Regina one day adopting Henry. It didn’t mean that Regina hadn’t spent the next couple of years thinking about that very conversation and wondering how to approach it again, but life got a little crazy and their relationship slowly started to crumble under all the stress. And the lies. So many lies. It still amazed Regina that they’d been able to hide it for so long even though now she knew that everyone always knew they were together and went along with all the lies they’d made up along the way.

_Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed._

Those very words replayed over and over in her mind, especially right then and there in that very moment. Ever since she’d come back home, she’d managed to mostly forget that conversation with her sister, but she could not escape from her memories, the recent ones just as clear as the ones in the past that kept coming back to her.

Some days it was easier than others, easier to tune out those memories and the thoughts that came along with them. Other days, they just kept coming back and like her afternoon and her conversation with Kathryn, there was no escaping those memories when there was always a trigger.

Regina settled down on the couch as Kathryn slept soundly sprawled over the middle of the bed. She pulled a blanket over her and despite the fact it was still early in the night, she closed her tired eyes and succumbed to the inevitable pull of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment and thank everyone for their continued support and comments! I haven't responded to any, I apologize if you expect that, but I will respond to any in the future if there are any questions.


	13. Chapter 13

_We need to talk about you and Emma_.

It wasn’t something she was ready to do, not even with someone who had been her best friend for most of her life, but it was a topic she could not avoid and Kathryn, as relentless as always, confronted her first thing the next morning, stating the same thing she’d done the day before, but this time she didn’t let Regina change the topic or avoid it at all.

“It’s been a decade, Regina,” Kathryn said pointedly. “When are you going to be ready to talk about you and--”

“Never. There isn’t anything to talk about.”

“That is the biggest load of rubbish I’ve ever heard!”

Regina lifted the pot of coffee up and sighed as she waited for Kathryn to slide her mug over to her and filled it for the second time since Kathryn had come down to the kitchen nearly half an hour earlier. She filled her own mug up, just topping it up, and she put the pot back onto the burner with another heavy sigh.

“Don’t tell me,” she said drolly as she stared at Kathryn, her blonde hair a little wild from sleep, “you’ve been hanging out with Zelena too, haven’t you?”

“Why?”

“You’re talking like her. Who uses that word? Unless you’re British or, in Zelena’s case, faking it basically.”

Kathryn laughed. “Faking it? Dear, she _is_ British. She spent most of her life there and--”

“So, you _are_ hanging out with Zelena?” Regina clarified. Kathryn’s laughter died on her lips. “First, I find out that Emma and Zelena have become besties and now I find out that you have been hanging around with her as well?”

“Are you jealous, Regina?”

“Why the hell would I be jealous?” Regina snapped and Kathryn raised an eyebrow questionably at her. “Why are you hanging out with Zelena?”

“We’ve been friends for many years,” Kathryn said quietly as she stared down into her mug before she reached for the jug of milk on the counter. “Unlike you, I moved back to Storybrooke when I graduated from Harvard Law. Unlike you, I was trapped in a small town with the same people we’ve spent our whole lives around. I needed friends, Regina, because my best friend wasn’t there. Do you know how boring it is to live in that town without any friends? I would’ve gone crazy!”

“The next thing you’re going to tell me is that you’re friends with Emma, too, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but that shouldn’t surprise you. I was friends with Emma when you two first got together. Did you forget about that?”

Regina rolled her eyes. “No, I didn’t forget, Kathryn.”

“Storybrooke is lacking quality people, especially those who prove to be real friends,” Kathryn continued. “And yes,” she said and paused for a moment, “Zelena is one of those people. I know how hard it is for you to believe that, or the fact that Zelena is my friend now, but it is what it is and it’s not going to change anytime soon. I don’t think you realize how much fun we all have together. I wish you would’ve stayed the other night for girl’s night out. You would’ve seen just how--”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“That’s just the thing, isn’t it?” Kathryn sighed. “You told me after you left that you never wanted to hear about anything or anyone in Storybrooke. I adhered to your request because I saw how lost, how _wrecked_ you were after you left. It’s been a long time, Regina. Isn’t it time to get over it?”

“Get over it?”

“Yes!” Kathryn exclaimed and she walked up to Regina and grabbed her by her upper arms. “Ten years, almost eleven, have gone by since you left. Honestly, I thought things would’ve changed a lot sooner than this. It feels like you’ve been nothing but selfish since you left.”

“Excuse me?”

“Zee told me you have issues with her being friends with Emma. She warned me that when you found out she and I have been friends for just as long that you’d have issues with that, too.”

Appalled, Regina backed away from Kathryn. “I don’t have issues, Kathryn,” she said firmly, though her voice turned shaky with every word that fell past her lips. “I just find it strange.”

“Call it whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is that life went on without you. Life changed without you. We all found a friendship within each other but there’s always been something missing. You.” Kathryn deadpanned and Regina felt frozen to the spot. “Life went on in ways you never imagined, didn’t it? We all moved on, even Emma, but that doesn’t mean we spent all these years wishing you were there too. Emma talks about you a lot, Regina.”

“We’re not--”

“Oh, we are,” Kathryn said and she grabbed ahold of Regina’s arms again. “We’re going to talk about this. We are going to talk about you and Emma.”

“Why?”

“Because you clearly do not understand how much you’ve been missed, Regina. Honestly,” Kathryn said and she sighed before giving Regina’s arms a light squeeze and she dropped her hands to her sides. “I know you don’t want to hear about any of this, you’ve spent so long avoiding all of this, but you need to realize something.”

“What’s that?”

“Emma is still--”

“No, she’s not,” Regina said. “I don’t believe that for a second. Zelena told me the same thing the other night.”

“Still rowing down that river of denial, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not, I’m living in reality and as you said, life went on. Everyone has moved on, even Emma. I don’t care that--”

“You do, oh but you do care, Regina. Why else have you been running from a life that should’ve been yours all this time? From a woman who still loves you even though you left and you never bothered to come back, not once, not until your father passed away last week. You didn’t want to talk about Emma last night. You refused to even let me say her name all these years, but guess what, Regina, I’m not letting you run away anymore. I’m not letting you be selfish just like you have all this time. We need to talk about you and Emma.”

“There is nothing to talk about. We haven’t been together for a long time--”

“Get over yourself, Regina,” Kathryn snapped angrily and Regina was taken back by surprise in how defensive Kathryn was being. “You told me what happened the night, but guess what, so did Emma.”

“It was a petty fight and I was tired, Kathryn. I just couldn’t deal anymore.”

“Couldn’t or didn’t?”

“Both.”

“Let me ask you this,” Kathryn said and she tugged on Regina’s hand and led the way towards the stairs. Once they were settled on the couch with their coffee, she sighed. “Emma was your first love,” she said, a statement not a question. “Emma was your true love. You told me that many years ago. I know for a fact you two were fighting a lot, but you always got through it.”

“What is your question?”

“Why that fight? Why was that the one that made you leave?”

“I told you,” Regina said and she breathed out slowly as her body started to tense up. “I was tired. I had enough. I was fed up, Kathryn. It wasn’t just that fight. That fight was the conclusion to the many others we had that went almost the exact same way. Sometimes, just love isn’t enough. Love isn’t all one needs to make things work. It takes time and dedication, it’s a partnership, and it takes two to make a relationship work and two to break it.”

“You never once thought that you two deserved a chance to apologize to each other?”

“Of course I thought about it, Kathryn, but I left. I was on the other side of the country!”

“I know. Your father came to get you when you were broke, living in your car, and could barely afford to eat. Did you know then that you’d spend the next decade avoiding her?”

“I wasn’t avoiding her!”

“You never came back!”

“You know, after a while, I wondered if it was even worth it,” Regina said and she sighed heavily, her emotions swirling and consuming her. “I was running away from a broken heart, Kathryn. Surely some parts of you can understand that. I was running from that and a life that I had with her. Running away was a hell of a lot easier.”

“Easier?” Kathryn looked at her incredulously. “Regina, you have been miserable for a very long time. You closed your heart to finding love again and you said that you moved on, but you didn’t, did you?”

“What if I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else?”

“Regina,” she sighed and she reached out for Regina’s hands. “You love with your whole heart. When you love, you love hard. I know you, we’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember, and I know you have so much love to give, you want to love, but you aren’t letting yourself do any of it. You can tell me all day long that you’ve moved on with your life. It’s not true at all. You haven’t moved on with your life, Regina. There has to be some part of you that knows that.”

“Is that your way of asking me if I am still in love with her?” Regina’s voice wavered with emotion as the tears sprung to her eyes. “Because yes, I am still in love with her, Kathryn. I never stopped.”

“You need to tell her.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both.”

Kathryn gently wrapped her arms around Regina and that’s when the tears began to fall. Regina held onto her best friend, her lifeline in that very moment, trying to keep her head above water as she felt like she was drowning completely.

“This is one of those times I wish I had a drink,” Regina muttered as she pulled back from Kathryn’s embrace. “I can’t, obviously. I just wish I could.”

“Is that why you started drinking a lot? Because you were doing what? Running away?”

“Yes, basically. It was an escape and it wasn’t just drinking that I had a problem with,” she admitted and Kathryn looked at her in surprise. “Back in Boston, before I moved here, I used to hang around a crowd of people who liked to pop some pills for an added kick while drinking. I got hooked on the feeling that came with that.”

“What kind of pills were you taking?”

“Everything and anything that made me feel numb and that made me feel good.” Regina dropped her hands to her lap and picked at the skin around her thumbnail. “I hate it, though, even though it made me feel amazing. I hated how I felt after when I woke up. I hated that I couldn’t remember much of anything at all.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“It wasn’t.”

“You’ve been sober for a few months now, haven’t you?” Kathryn asked and all Regina could do was nod her head slowly. “I’m proud of you,” she whispered. “So proud of you, Regina.”

“Thank you.”

“So,” Kathryn said, her tone of voice changing from somber to upbeat in an instant. “What are we doing today, Regina? A little sight-seeing?”

Regina laughed softly. “Sure, if that’s what you want to do,” she said and Kathryn nodded with a big grin on her face. “So, once we’ve both had a shower and are ready, we’ll head out. I hope you brought some shoes you can walk in.”

“We’re walking?”

“You want a real New York City experience, don’t you?” Regina asked. “Then yes, we’re walking.”

[X]

By Friday evening, Regina had grown tired of Kathryn and her urge to live as they were still in their early twenties. She had talked Kathryn into going to do her own thing the night before and that resulted in Kathryn coming back in the early hours of the morning, drunk and smelling like cigarette smoke that lingered in her hair and on her clothes. She had spent the majority of the day already in Regina’s bed and nursing her hangover and Regina used that opportunity to catch up on some work emails down in her office away from her. By the time three o’clock rolled around, Kathryn was up, showered, and dressed. She informed Regina that she wanted to go out exploring the city again with some people she’d met the night before.

Regina didn’t bother to stop her, grateful for the time alone once she had left. It had been a feat in itself not to usher Kathryn out the door quickly when her Lyft arrived. While she was used to working to keep busy, the urge to work wasn’t as strong as the one to drink. She had done so well for the last couple of months, not once slipping and giving in to her inner demons that never seemed to leave her alone. She’d gotten through a long day of sight-seeing around the city with Kathryn without even thinking about even stopping by an old favorite bar and give in to her urges. Though it had been hard, it had been a great test of her willpower and determination to stay sober.

She returned upstairs when the sun started to dip down behind the tall buildings across the street. The quiet and the loneliness, it swallowed her hole, and it was in moments like this when the fight was almost impossible to beat.

It would be just too easy to make a short trip down the street to the store to buy a bottle of wine or two. It would be just too easy to pour that glass she had been craving since the last drop she’d had. It would be just too easy to give in and finally let her demons win. It would just be too easy and that was her problem, she always wanted to take the easy way out because there was nothing harder than fighting a fight she felt she just couldn’t win for much longer.

It took a great deal of determination and a long, hard talk with herself to stop from doing just that. But she needed to clear her head and being alone in her place was not a place she needed to be. The last thing she needed was to be swallowed whole by her demons because she was on the verge of just giving up and giving in, more so than she’d been since day one of her sobriety.

Her father had told her when she first told him she had quit drinking that there would be easy days, there would be hard days, and days that felt impossible to get through. He told her that he believed in her, that he knew she was strong enough, and that he wished she too could believe in herself. Just remembering those words he’d said to her, the love and encouragement and support she’d felt from him, it was sobering enough to keep her from falling.

What she wouldn’t give to be able to talk to him now, to hear his words, to feel the love, support, and encouragement in his voice. She couldn’t remember how many phone calls to her father she’d made, especially in the first month of her sobriety, but she knew her father was the reason she hadn’t given up sooner, he was the reason she kept fighting for herself. He was the reason she even found the courage to face her inner demons, to face the battle she was in and win.

Regina left to clear her head, walking down the street as night fell, not even realizing what direction she was going in until she came to a stop outside the store where she always bought her alcohol if she wasn’t out in a bar. For five whole minutes, she stood on the sidewalk and stared up at the signs on the windows, reading each advertisement for different brands they carried, deals that were on, a two-for-one on her favorite wine. It made her head spin and her stomach churn, but she could just faintly hear the words her father had told her before, over and over in her head.

_One day at a time, Regina. All you can do is fight this one day at a time, one moment at a time, even one minute at a time. It will pass. You just have to be willing to let it go. You can do this. I believe in you, hija. You are stronger than you know. Believe in yourself and this too shall pass._

She had drawn her strength from her father’s words of encouragement, in the belief he had in her. She still could not believe that she would never again hear his voice or be able to talk to him when she reached her lowest of lows and have him help her back up again. It still _hurt_ , it hurt more than anything she’d ever felt before, and she didn’t know how to make that pain go away. It left her wondering if it ever would subside, if that one day she’d be able to think of her father without that crushing weight of grief that lay heavy on her heart.

Regina walked around the block, twice, before she returned home. She heated up what little leftovers were left from the other night and after she’d eaten, she settled down on the couch with a book and idly flipped through the pages while she checked her phone periodically and wondered when Kathryn was going to come back or if she was going to stay out all night again. She’d been strong enough earlier to overcome her demons as they came knocking on her door but she wasn’t sure she’d be strong enough to face Kathryn if she came back drunk again.

Just before midnight, her phone started to ring, and without looking at the caller ID, she answered it, assuming it was Kathryn.

“Are you lost, Kat?” Regina chuckled lightly as she lifted the phone to her ear. “Just give the driver my address and--”

Instead of Kathryn’s voice as she expected to hear, a man spoke on the other end of the line. “Sorry, ma’am, this is not Kat. I’m calling for Regina Mills.”

“This is she,” Regina said as she swallowed thickly. “May I ask whom is calling?”

“This is Deputy Chambliss from the Portland Police Department,” he replied and she swallowed again, the lump in her throat growing and rising quickly. “You’re listed as the only emergency contact for Henry Swan.”

“Henry?” Regina asked in surprise. “Is Henry all right, Deputy?”

“Ma’am, we’ve been trying to get in touch with his mother and have been unable to contact her. We picked Henry up about an hour ago. I need to inform you that he’s been charged with possession and sale of a Schedule I substance,” the deputy said and Regina’s heart just dropped. “He has also been charged with breaking and entering, grand theft auto, and assault. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that these are very serious charges and we’re holding him at the county jail. Since he is only fifteen, a parent or guardian will have to be present for any questioning, or, if you wish, you can contact a lawyer for Mr. Swan.”

“What is his bail posted for?” Regina asked, her mood shifting from being shocked and upset to firm and authoritative. “Has he been questioned at all, Deputy Chambliss?”

“No, ma’am, he hasn’t. We’re following protocol and since you are the only one listed as his emergency contact and we’ve been unable to get in touch with his mother, we need you to come to the station and be present for his questioning.” The deputy went silent as Regina got up from the couch and pulled out her personal laptop. She was already quickly searching up the laws on underage children being charged with the very charges the deputy told her he had against him. “Ma’am, Henry wasn’t very forthcoming with his mother’s information or yours. We found you in the database when we did a search. Do you know if his father is around?”

“His father is dead.”

“Are you his…other mother? I don’t want to assume, but--”

“Yes,” Regina replied automatically, the lie coming far too easily and she wasn’t sure why she just didn’t say no. She took a few deep breaths and shakily switched the phone to her other ear. “He’s in Portland right now, you said?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Has there been any arrangements made for him to be seen by a judge for his bail hearing?”

“It’s the weekend before the holiday, ma’am, but we’re going to be in contact with the judge first thing in the morning to arrange for the hearing to take place. It’s just a matter of when that’ll happen at this point. Are you able to be here for questioning, ma’am?”

“I am currently in New York, but I can be there first thing in the morning. You are certain he will not be questioned at all until I or his mother arrive?”

“Yes, ma’am. You have my word.”

Once Regina got the address for the county jail in Portland, she was on the phone with the airline and booking a flight to Portland that was due to leave at five o’clock, just a handful of hours away. It would give her plenty of time to get to the airport and to be there for Henry. Though she knew most judges did not work on Saturdays, she felt fairly confident that she’d be able to push for Henry to get a bail hearing just hours after her arrival.

She packed a bag, something in case she had to stay overnight for a day or two until she got this whole thing sorted out. Her heart was pounding and the room felt like it was starting to spin as she slipped her laptop into the overnight bag and stood there thinking of the conversation she’d had with Deputy Chambliss. She couldn’t settle down enough to sleep, either, because all she could think about was the list of charges the deputy told her they had against Henry.

Henry was in trouble, a _lot_ of trouble, and she knew that if a judge refused bail and if the charges stuck, he’d be in juvie for the rest of his teenage years and then in prison for many years after that. She didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but she had to wonder just what the hell he’d been getting himself into that ended up with him in a whole heap of trouble like that. Emma didn’t even know he was in trouble and she was unreachable, which seemed uncharacteristic of her even after all those years. This would absolutely devastate her, that much she knew, because it devastated her to know that Henry had gotten himself into some very serious trouble with the law.

It wasn’t until she was on her way to the airport a few hours later and an hour early for the flight, that she remembered Robyn had told her that they were supposed to have gone camping this weekend at Rattlesnake Point. If that was the case, what the hell was Henry doing in Portland? None of it made any sense and because it was far too early to call her niece, she was left with her own conclusions as to what had happened, why they weren’t camping as it had been the plan, and why the hell Henry was in Portland to begin with.

Normally, it would’ve bothered her that the one-way, last-minute flight to Portland, Maine was costing her well over four hundred dollars, but she knew when she booked that ticket that there was no way she would make it through that long drive up the coast and be there before nine that morning. The sooner this was dealt with, the better.

By the time the plane was boarding, all she could think about was where the hell was Emma, why wasn’t she answering her phone, why wasn’t she there with Henry? She wanted to be angry and at the same time, she knew she had no right to be. She didn’t have the facts, she didn’t have any answers, but she would soon enough.

The plane, a small jet with only twenty-five passengers, was filled with men and women in business attire and carrying small carry-ons and briefcases. She didn’t look or feel out of place when she took her seat and her mind was racing despite her attempts to calm those voices in her head down. All she wanted to do was to call Emma, though she couldn’t because she was so sure that Emma didn’t have the same number after all that time and even if she did, Regina couldn’t seem to remember it at all.

The first phone call she made after the plane landed at the private airport in Portland was to Kathryn. She hadn’t come back before Regina had left for the airport and the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind to call Kathryn to tell her she had to leave. Thankfully Kathryn had stayed out all night again with those new friends of hers she’d met the previous night and, somehow, she ended up in New Jersey just after midnight. Regina told her when she got back that she would make sure Anita was there to let her in as Kathryn did not have a key to her place.

Her second phone call was to Anita. It was short as it was clear she’d woken the poor woman up since it was still very early in the morning. She gave her the short version of events and it wasn’t the whole truth. She wasn’t sure how to tell her everything really, but Anita told her to take care of her friend’s son and that she’d be available if needed all throughout the weekend.

Her third and last phone call was to her sister and one she debated for several minutes whether or not she wanted to make at all. Like Anita, the phone call had woken Zelena up and she’d answered the phone moodily as she told her to call back when the sun had been up for a few hours. That mood dropped as soon as she told her that Henry had been arrested in Portland and they couldn’t get ahold of Emma. It was only then that she found out their trip to Rattlesnake Point had been delayed for a couple of days at the last minute due to a seminar that Emma, as the sheriff, was required to attend in Bangor that she had forgotten she’d signed up for months ago.

Zelena promised she would call if she got ahold of Emma and she hung up before she could ask if Robyn had been with Henry last night. She figured she must not have been or that conversation with Zelena would have gone far differently.

Exhaustion hit her as she walked through the terminal and found the bathrooms easily as she needed to quickly freshen up before she headed to the county jail where Henry was currently being held. One look at herself in the mirror and she knew it was quite obvious that she hadn’t slept all night. After some careful application of makeup, foundation mostly to cover the dark circles under her eyes, she smoothed out her pinstripe suit and fixed her shirt under her vest, deeming herself presentable and somewhat even human again.

She was quick to make her way through the small terminal and out the exit, grateful to find a line of cabs waiting for passengers, most of them free. She rapped her knuckles on the window of the cab closest to the door and the old man sitting inside leaned over the passenger seat with a smile as he looked out at her. He was out of the cab and hurrying around to take her bag from her.

“Where are you heading to, ma’am?” He asked, his thinning gray hair rustling in the wind as he opened the rear passenger door for her. “Here on business?”

Regina blinked at the driver before she got in and he shut the door for her, hurrying to the trunk to put her bag in there before he got back in the car. “I um, I’m not too familiar with Portland, but I need to get to a hotel near the county jail if possible.”

“Only place near there is a motel, ma’am,” the driver said and he pulled away from the curb. “You want to go there? Voluntarily? You a lawyer or something?”

“Yes.”

She sat back and sighed tiredly, wanting to just get to the motel, check in, and then head straight to the county jail from there. Henry was waiting, scared and alone, and she knew he wouldn’t be expecting her to show up before his mother did. Or at all, really.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about legal things, anything I do know I googled, so please don't come at me if its not entirely accurate!

The motel just south of the county jail, a short drive down the road, was a complete dive. The old cab driver was extremely hesitant to let her go, offering to take her to somewhere much nicer and safer, but she declined politely and paid for her fare, leaving the old man a rather generous tip, too.

Since she wasn’t sure at all how long she’d need to be there for and she wouldn’t know until she got the ball rolling on getting Henry a bail hearing preferably for that very same day, she booked the room for the next three days and hoped to hell she wouldn’t have to stay there that long as the seedy looking manager handed her a key with a toothy grin. He smelled of gin and stale cigarette smoke and he was missing at least four teeth that she could see. She forced a smile back at the man and headed to her room to drop off her bag.

The room, at least, looked clean despite the musty smell she was greeted with when she opened the door. As she did in almost everywhere she stayed that wasn’t in her own home, she did a quick yet thorough inspection of the room before she left.

Between the motel and the county jail was a small roadside diner. It was thankfully open and it wasn’t busy at all when she walked in. Regina sat down in a small booth and once the waitress served her a hot cup of coffee, she ordered a light breakfast. The grumbling in her stomach reminded her that she hadn’t eaten anything since the night before and the plane ride had been too quick for food to be served.

Regina had her briefcase and her laptop with her. While she waited for her food, she pulled her laptop out and reviewed some of the laws surrounding the charges against Henry. It made her head spin as she read through each of them and sipped her coffee. It had her wondering if Henry even knew how much trouble he was in right now. She knew nothing of the details surrounding his arrest other than what charges had been laid. She also knew she needed to get in contact with a local judge to file a motion to have a bail hearing.

The problem was, it was Saturday and the weekend before July 4thwhich was on Tuesday. Regina knew most people were already on vacation for the next four days, especially county judges in a city as small as Portland, Maine. When her food arrived at the table, she was already looking up a number for one of the three county judges who worked within the criminal system. The first two she called, the offices were closed, and the third, she was almost surprised when a woman answered the phone and then promptly connected her to Judge Stevenson.

It wasn’t a long phone call as Regina explained quickly that she had a client, an adolescent, who would need a bail hearing as soon as possible. Though the man sounded tired and cranky, he agreed, but the hearing wouldn’t be until after eleven. She had until nine o’clock to file the motion for a bail hearing request and she would find out within the hour whether or not it had been granted.

She finished up her breakfast as quickly as she could and before she paid her bill, she got a coffee to go and headed down the road to the county jail. It was a small building and next door was the courthouse and sheriff’s station. It was just a little after eight when she walked through the front doors and walked up to the security guard who stood in front of a metal detector. After she went through security, she was instructed to take a left down a long hallway.

It seemed like there wasn’t a single soul in sight and Regina groaned in annoyance as she walked up to the desk and hit the bell. She placed her briefcase down on the floor and rang the bell again a few seconds later. She waited with her arms crossed over her chest and the toe of her shoe tapping on the linoleum floor. She stared down at the pointless bell, debating whether to ring it again when she heard a door open just out of sight and then a short and burly bald-headed man came into view. He huffed as he exited from the enclosed office and tucked his shirt into his pants as he walked up to the desk and flashed Regina a toothy smile.

“Morning, ma’am,” he said, his voice raspy. “How can I help you?”

“I’m here for Henry Swan,” she replied promptly. “I received a phone call a couple of hours ago--”

“You his mother?” the man asked, raising a bushy eyebrow. “ID, please.”

“I--”

He sighed and looked at her pointedly before he said, “ID please, ma’am. Can’t let you in without proper identification.”

Regina’s heart dropped. It was easy to lie over the phone to get information and luckily, she knew she had other options. One other option. She couldn’t say she was his other mother now because it simply wasn’t true. Henry would need a lawyer. She didn’t trust anyone else to handle this and she still didn’t have the full story about what had happened. It didn’t matter. She cleared her throat as she fumbled through her wallet and pulled out her driver’s license.

“I’m his lawyer,” she said tightly as the officer closely examined her ID. “I would like to speak with my client before any questioning takes place, please.”

“I was told that the mother was coming,” the man said and he shrugged. He handed her ID back to her. “Visiting hours don’t start until--”

“I am his lawyer,” she repeated as she bent down to pick up her briefcase and slid her wallet inside a side pocket. “He was arrested last night and has been in custody for several hours now. I’m sure you would like to move forward and nothing can happen until you are given consent to speak with him.”

“As I said--”

“I want to speak to someone else, a supervisor of yours perhaps, Officer--”

“Deputy,” he corrected her as he pointed to his name sewn onto the pocket of his shirt. “Deputy Duguay. Uh,” he cleared his throat when Regina did not back down. “Give me a moment, will you, ma’am? I’ll be right back.”

Fighting off a yawn as her exhaustion reared its ugly head, Regina waited at the desk for the deputy to return. She leaned against the side of the desk and watched the clock as she faintly heard voices coming from the office the deputy had disappeared off to in the back. After a few minutes of waiting, Regina went through some papers she had in her briefcase and pulled the ones out she’d need to be signed off on before she spoke to Henry at all. Without his mother present to sign permission for her to represent Henry, while needed, it wasn’t necessarily required right away, but it would need to be signed before she filed the motion for his bail hearing in less than an hour. She was pressed for time.

After nearly ten minutes of waiting, her impatience was wearing thin, her exhaustion making it almost impossible to keep her anger at bay. The deputy finally returned, walking out of the office with another man, similar in stature with a little more hair on his balding head, following right behind him. Regina watched their quiet conversation, watched as the other man motioned for the deputy to go through another door into another room before he approached the desk.

“You’re Henry Swan’s lawyer?” he asked and immediately Regina recognized his voice as the man she’d spoken to on the phone just after midnight. “I was expecting his mother.”

“I’m Regina Mills,” she said and he looked at her in surprise. “I’m also a lawyer.” No denial. The lie had been set. “Have you been able to contact his mother yet by any chance, Deputy?”

“Chambliss,” he said as he extended a hand. “We spoke on the phone last night.” Regina shook his hand promptly with a nod of her head. “I thought you said that you were his other mother when we spoke earlier?”

“I--I was,” she stammered and she cleared her throat. “His mother and I are no longer together,” she said with a frown at the odd look she received from the man in return. “As I said, I am also a lawyer and Henry is my client. May I speak with him now, please?”

The man scratched at the back of his neck tiredly and sighed. “We don’t allow visitors, family or lawyers, before nine o’clock,” he said as he pointed back at the clock on the wall. “Though,” he said as he took a long, thorough look at her, “I suppose I can make an exception just this once. Only because the kid is fifteen and scared out of his mind.”

“Thank you. I’ve spoken with a judge who has agreed to a bail hearing, but only if I file the motion before nine. We’re quite pressed for time, Deputy Chambliss, and I would like to speak to Henry now, please.”

The man sympathized with Henry. That was a good starting point, but his pity wasn’t quite enough because he was an officer of the law and in his eyes, Henry was a criminal. The sympathies didn’t last long as he pulled out a long clipboard with a form attached and handed it to her to fill out. She looked over the form, one very similar to the one she’d already pulled out of her briefcase and filled out in its entirety. The form he’d handed her was very standard to a lawyer-client visit in jail, especially before they even faced a judge. She quickly filled it out and stopped near the line where a parent or guardian was supposed to sign for anyone under the age of eighteen.

“Have you been able to get in touch with his mother?” Regina asked as she tapped the pen on the edge of the clipboard. “I will need her permission to represent him.”

“Just got off the phone with her right before you got here actually,” the deputy replied and he took the clipboard from her, scanning over it quickly before taking the other form she held out for him. “She said she’s in Bangor for a training seminar and had been unable to access her phone last night.”

Knowing Emma, Regina knew she was out having a good time with her colleagues and her phone likely died. Regina folded her hands over the handle of her briefcase and frowned before she asked, “Is she on her way here now, Deputy Chambliss?”

“She won’t be arriving for a few more hours,” he replied and he sighed. “Did you say you got ahold of a judge? On a Saturday?”

“Yes, I did. Judge Stevenson gave me a deadline and I now have less than forty minutes to file the motion, so please, can I speak with Henry now?”

“Well,” he said with a frown that filled Regina with disappointment, “since you aren’t officially representing him as you need parental consent, I’m afraid, Ms. Mills, that I cannot let you--”

“Please,” she said quietly, trying not to beg and sound as desperate as she felt. “I flew up here from New York City. I am a friend of the family and right now, he is all I have until his mother arrives. Please, Deputy Chambliss, as you said, he is scared out of his mind right now. Is there someone else that I can speak to about--”

“Hold on for a moment, ma’am,” he said before he turned around and yelled, “Douglas!” The other deputy that had disappeared into another room mere minutes before came out and approached the desk. “Deputy Duguay, take Ms. Mills to room three and then retrieve Swan from the cells,” he instructed and the man nodded in compliance. “Ms. Mills, you have twenty minutes to talk.”

“Thank you.”

Regina followed the other deputy down a long, dull hallway where they came to a stop in front of a door he paused to unlock. The room, she realized as she was escorted inside, was an interrogation room and she took a seat at the cold metal table and placed her briefcase on the floor by her feet. It was quiet in the small room once the deputy shut the door on his way out and all she could hear aside from the faint sound of his footsteps retreating out in the hall was the buzz from the fluorescent lights above on the ceiling.

She tapped the toe of her high heel against the metal table leg lightly and waited, checking the watch on her wrist periodically as the minutes ticked by quickly. After she was waiting for seven minutes and her impatience was getting to her, she was about to get up and demand to speak with Henry when she heard footsteps out in the hallway approaching the room. Henry, wearing a dark blue jumpsuit and his hands cuffed in front of him, entered the room with Deputy Chambliss leading him in from behind. Henry’s face was stoic and Regina could see that he was covered in bruises and little cuts on his face. She looked to his hands and frowned when she saw his knuckles were raw and bloody. The deputy uncuffed him and forced him down into the chair across from her and left, but not without a quiet reminder she had twenty minutes to talk to him.

“What are you doing here?” Henry asked coldly as he narrowed his eyes at her. “Seriously? What are _you_ doing here?”

“Henry--”

“I asked for a lawyer when they couldn’t find my mom,” Henry said with a scoff. The coldness in his voice made Regina cringe. “Why would they call _you_?”

“I’m your emergency contact,” Regina replied quietly. “And, with your mother’s permission and yours, I would like to be your lawyer, Henry. I want to help you.”

“Whatever.”

Regina tried to remain calm as Henry, his hands still cuffed in front of him, lifted them up to gingerly touch at the shiner on his eye. He winced and sat back in the chair with a heavy sigh. He was furious, but he was also terrified and hiding it miserably. He blew at the hair that fell in front of his eyes and sighed again as the hair fell back over his eyes almost immediately.

“Henry,” Regina said carefully as she folded her hands on top of the table in front of her. “Do you know how much trouble you are in right now?” she asked and he rolled his eyes. “I don’t think that you understand--”

“That this could ruin my life?” Henry asked sarcastically. “God, I know. I’m fucked! They explained the charges to me. Twice. But, you don’t get it. I was set up! Bet you don’t believe me either, huh?”

“Set up? Henry, was Robyn with you last night?”

“No,” he replied and he lifted his hands to push his hair back forcefully out of his eyes. “She didn’t want to come. We were supposed to meet up with some friends there, just a couple of guys we met before, and we were supposed to check out this new skate park, but--but she didn’t want to come this time. Said she had a bad feeling about it. I dunno. I just told the guys she was on her rag that’s why she didn’t want to come.”

Henry laughed bitterly and Regina shook her head in disbelief. This was not the same boy she used to know and it was becoming so very clear with every minute that passed that she had no idea who he was now. Still, she did not allow her patience to wear her down nor did she show any emotion on her face. She was furious, sure, beyond furious, but there and then was not the time to show it.

“Mom is gonna lose her shit on me when she finds out what happened. She told me not to leave the house this weekend, you know,” he grumbled quietly. “Do you know if they talked to her yet?”

“Your mother is aware of what is going on, yes, and knows where you are right now. I am sure she is just as furious with you as I am right now, Henry,” she said sternly. The sharp tone in her voice made him look up at her with tears starting to build up in his eyes. “I need you to tell me what happened, Henry. The truth and all of it. There were other people there? Friends of yours? Were they arrested as well?”

“No. They took off. I told you I was set up, what part of that don’t you get?”

“Henry, may I remind you that I have no idea what happened last night and all I know is that you have some very serious charges against you. I cannot help you if you--”

“Do you even want to hear my side of the story or not?” Henry asked angrily. “Or are you gonna be just like _them_ and not listen to a word that comes outta my mouth!”

“One,” Regina started as she held up a finger to quiet him. “You are a minor. It is illegal for a minor to speak with the police regarding the charges that have been laid without the presence of a parent, guardian, or a lawyer. Two, you are in a lot of trouble as it is and running your mouth is only bound to get you into even more, so you will sit down, shut up, and do as you are told and only speak when you are asked. Do you understand, Henry?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I want you to tell me exactly what happened last night,” she said and she pulled her laptop out of her briefcase and opened it slowly, her eyes on Henry as he squirmed in his chair. “Let me make this clear, Henry Swan, you are not speaking to me as Regina right now. I am Ms. Mills and you are to address me as such until otherwise noted. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Ms. Mills.” Henry frowned deeply as the tears gathered thickly in his eyes, tears he frantically tried to wipe away when they started to fall. “You know,” he said with a soft scoff, “our camping trip got canceled all because Mom forgot she had signed up for some big police training seminar for the weekend. This would’ve never happened if she didn’t--”

“I need you to take full responsibility for your actions and the choices you’ve made that led you here,” she said and he gulped loudly. “Start from the beginning, please.”

“When Mom left, I got a text from a friend in Portland. We’ve been waiting for months for the new skate park to open and he let me know we were good to go. Robyn was gonna come, too, but soon as she found out who we were gonna meet up with, she refused to come. Anyway, it was whatever, right, and I took the bus and met up with the guys. It was just supposed to be the three of us, right, but there was another guy there with them.”

“What guy?” Regina asked as she started typing quickly. “Do you know who this guy was?”

“Just some older dude named Chop. Porkchop,” Henry laughed. “Cos he’s a fat fuck, that’s why they call him that. I don’t even know what his actual name is, nobody does. Jeremy and Dave said he was cool so I didn’t think nothing of it, right? We were just there to skate, to have a good time. Jeremy and Dave, they’re pretty decent guys. Me and Robyn have hung out with them a few times before.”

“Pretty decent guys? Who set you up to take the fall?” Regina had to bite back a laugh. “Go on.”

“We went to the new skate park and skated for a bit, normal stuff like we always do, you know? Chop had a van and told us he knew of a better place to skate in this old parking lot, so we got in the van and he drove us there. It wasn’t better. There were a bunch of posers there and the guys were getting pretty bored cos that place sucked ass.”

“Henry,” Regina said at his unbridled use of language. “You cannot speak like this in front of a judge and I would appreciate it if you did not speak to me like that either.”

“Sorry, but it sucked!” Henry rolled his eyes. “Chop said he had a better idea. A party he said he was having at his place that was happening across town. I told them I had to take off by eleven since I had to catch the last bus home. Chop said we could stay all night at his place if we wanted to and honestly, I didn’t think much of it, right? Mom’s gone, how is she to know I didn’t come home last night or even left, right?”

He sucked in a deep breath and looked down at his hands and frowned as he pulled at the tight handcuffs a little bit before sighing tiredly. He shifted in his chair, antsy and still very scared, and when he finally looked over at Regina as she continued typing, he was crying and not bothering to wipe his tears from his face as he had before.

“Turns out it wasn’t his place at all, but I didn’t know that when we got there. I didn’t know that until the cops showed up. Anyway,” Henry said and he took another deep breath. “When we got to the house there was no one else there. Some party, right? Chop said it was too early still and wanted to get the party started before everyone showed up later.”

Regina didn’t like where this was going at all. How had Henry gotten himself mixed up in something so bad, so wrong, and with questionable people like that nonetheless? She wanted to ask him so many different questions and she also wanted to just reach out and throttle him for being an idiot for getting himself involved in that whole situation in the first place. But, she had no right to do either of those things. She’d lost that right a long time ago.

“I knew for a while that these guys like to smoke pot sometimes,” Henry continued quietly and he held up his hands in defense when Regina shot him a very disappointed glare. “I’ve never, I swear! Not my thing, okay? I’m not _that_ stupid, Regina.”

“Yet, you are stupid enough to hang around people that do.”

“Whatever. I’ve never done it. I don’t care if you believe me or not. Nobody does right now,” he said angrily as he grew red in the face. “Anyway, a lot of people started showing up at the house not long after we got there, people I never met before. They were all older, like in college, and I was probably the youngest there other than Dave. He’s seventeen.”

“How many people do you think showed up at the house for the party?”

“I don’t know, probably about twenty guys and a handful of girls,” Henry replied with a shrug. “A lot of them were drinking beer, some were doing shots. Everyone but me and this one girl was smoking pot, too. They had the music loud. It was too loud, I guess, since the neighbors were the ones who called the cops. Before I knew it, a fight broke out in the kitchen and some jackass sucker punched me when I was just trying to get outta there. I don’t know how it happened, but soon as I threw a punch back, everyone just bolted right, and this guy threw me to the ground and started wailing on me. I got him back just as good just as the cops broke up the fight. Before one of the cops put handcuffs on me, I felt that jackass slip something into my back pocket, but I couldn’t do anything, Regina. Next thing I know I was being pinned down by this huge asshole and didn’t have a chance to pull it outta my pocket or anything.”

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose and glanced at her watch before she finished typing up Henry’s statement. They didn’t have much more time to talk, about ten minutes, and she needed more time than that. She needed to hear the whole story. She needed to know what to tell Henry what he could and couldn’t say when he gave his statement to the deputy once their time was up. She believed him, every word so far, but she wasn’t sure anyone else would without concrete proof.

“What did this guy slip into your pocket, Henry?” Regina asked and he shook his head tearfully, his bottom lip shaking. “You didn’t touch it at all, did you?”

“No, how could I have? I just told you, I was pinned down and cuffed before I could. The cops said it was cocaine.” His tears were falling harder and all Regina wanted to do was console him, but she continued to type as she waited for him to continue talking. “The cops found my bag and my board and they tore up my bag, but they didn’t find anything else. I don’t even know what the hell they were looking for. More drugs? I’ve never done shit in my life, Regina. You gotta believe me.”

That covered the charges for possession, though she already knew from what Henry told her that they could fight that charge with proof he had never touched that bag. She made a note to write up in the motion she’d be filing shortly to have the bag dusted for fingerprints to eliminate him and have that charge dropped immediately.

“It wasn’t his house, Regina,” Henry whispered. “Chop said it was his house but it wasn’t his house. The guy I was fighting with? It was his house. He told the cops he attacked me after he caught me breaking into his house. I wasn’t the only one there but he lied to the cops and said I was!”

“Did this man see anyone else in the house, Henry?”

“Yes! He kicked a few people out, like literally threw them out the front door, took a few swings at Chop before he bolted, then he came after me. I swear, I had no fucking idea that it was his fucking house, okay. Chop set me up!”

Choosing to ignore his language for a moment because he was not only terrified and angry, he was upset too. “Do you have any idea where the grand theft auto charge could come from, Henry?” she asked and he muttered angrily under his breath. “Chop?”

“Chop,” he said as he muttered the name again. “Cops found the van behind the house and it turns out it was stolen. Someone, a neighbor or something, they came over and told the cops they saw me driving it earlier, but I didn’t. I was in the back with the other guys the whole time Chop was driving it! I tried to tell them that, but they didn’t listen to me. They didn’t listen and they don’t believe me when I told them that I swear I never drove that van at all!”

“So, you’re telling me that everyone that showed up for this party just got away?” Regina asked, finding it unbelievable that nobody else involved hadn’t been there when the police arrived or arrested along with him. “Henry?”

“I told you I was set up, okay,” he said and he shook his head furiously. “Chop said it was his house. How was I supposed to know it wasn’t his house? He just walked in the side door. It was unlocked. We just followed him inside, that’s all.”

“And you are certain you didn’t drive that van at all?”

“No! I didn’t. I swear!”

“And you are certain that the door was unlocked when you got there?”

Henry shrugged. “I think so. Chop went in the house ahead of us and we were skating around on the driveway, just messing around and stuff. The other guys, I don’t think they knew it wasn’t Chop’s house either.”

Regina pinched at the bridge of her nose once again. This was a classic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. Slowly, she reached past her laptop and across the table to take one of Henry’s hands in hers, careful not to aggravate the raw knuckles that looked as if they hadn’t been properly cleaned and treated at all. Tears spilled endlessly from his eyes as he tightened his grip on her hand and held on tight. Already she knew that this whole case would go one of two ways, and she truly hoped it would go in Henry’s favor. She truly believed he was innocent in all of this and she just had to find a way to prove it.

“Gina, I didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah, I beat the shit out of that guy, but he threw the first punch! He attacked me! I wasn’t gonna just stand there and take that, you know?” Henry was shaking as he spoke and the way he said her name, it made him sound so much younger than he was. “Mom always told me to fight back, to stand up for myself, and that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You fought him in self-defense, but unfortunately, in the eyes of the law right now, it was not in self-defense if you were trespassing on his property. In the eyes of the law right now, Henry, this man had every right to attack you first if you, as they said, were breaking into his house and he caught you.”

“There were like twenty other people there! He came after me!”

Regina tightened her grip on Henry’s hand, wincing when he pulled back a little as her tight grip aggravated his raw knuckles. “Right now, they don’t know that nor do they believe it from the sounds of it because those twenty other people that were there were not there when the police arrived on the scene. Listen to me, Henry, you let me take care of this and you will do as I said earlier, you will not speak unless told to. If we face a judge this morning, I will post your bail.”

“Then it’ll all be over?”

“No,” she sighed. “It won’t be that easy and it won’t be over until we can get these charges dropped. Hopefully the police are competent enough that they’ve started a thorough investigation into this whole situation. I am hoping that they will find you to be innocent once they gather all the facts and evidence needed to make these charges stick. Though I have to warn you, the assault charge may be a little harder to drop. It all depends on how the rest of it all falls into place.”

“Aren’t you like a divorce lawyer now?” Henry asked as he let go of her hand and tried to wipe away at his tears. “Are you even allowed to represent me?”

“I am a divorce lawyer, Henry, but I’ve also represented others in criminal cases in the past. The only permission I need is not just from you, but from your mother as well. I can fairly represent you in court and I will fight to get these charges dropped given that everything you just told me is the truth and nothing but the truth. We will get this sorted out, Henry, I promise. I just need you to promise me that you will keep your mouth shut and don’t speak to anyone without your mother or I present. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Gina--uh, Ms. Mills,” Henry stammered. “Now what?”

Regina, fully aware their time was nearly up, cleared her throat and scanned over her notes on her screen. “We need to prepare your statement for the police as you have yet to give one. We have six minutes, so I need you to pay attention, dear.”

“And watch my mouth, I know. You’re worse than Ma.”

Regina quickly went over the facts he’d given her and repeated them in simpler terms for his prepared statement to the police. He repeated each line after her and though she could tell he wanted to add more, he didn’t. They barely had time to go over his statement a second time before both deputies she’d met earlier walked in the room. Deputy Chambliss motioned for Regina to come over by the door while Deputy Duguay took a seat in the chair Regina had just been sitting in.

“I was able to speak with his mother again on the phone just a few minutes ago,” he said quietly to her and he glanced over at Henry and the other deputy at the table. “I told her that you were here and willing to represent her son. She gave her verbal consent. Once you sign off, we’ll be good to go,” he said as he lifted the clipboard he was carrying and handed her a pen. “Just sign there, ma’am, and we can proceed in obtaining Mr. Swan’s statement unless you have any objections?”

“No objections, Deputy,” she said and she quickly signed off in the space where Emma’s signature was supposed to go. “Can we make this quick? I have to file the motion for a bail hearing within the next ten minutes.”

“Yes, absolutely. Deputy Duguay, we’re good to go. Mr. Swan, are you ready to give your statement?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Deputy,” Regina said before he could walk away to join the other deputy on the one side of the table to ask Henry a couple of questions. “Is there an investigation ongoing regarding this incident?”

“Yes,” he replied. “I’m not permitted to speak of the investigation as of the moment, unfortunately. I can, however, give you the detective’s information who is currently leading the investigation as we speak. Though I’m not sure if he’ll tell you much of anything, to be honest, ma’am.”

Regina joined the two deputies at the desk and quickly prepared her motion she needed to file while they asked Henry some basic questions. Who was he with? Did he know any of these people? How did they meet up with the guy they called Chop? Whose idea was it to go to the house for a party, and so on. Henry, surprisingly, did better than she had expected as he kept his answers short and straight to the point.

Regina knew from experience that normally when questioning a minor, they would try and push to get answers they wanted to hear regardless of it being the truth or not, and she was pleasantly surprised that neither men tried to play a dirty game as they took down Henry’s statement on a form. Once she reviewed it and signed off, they had Henry sign off on it as well.

It was going to be a hell of a long morning, it already had been, but Regina just hoped that once the ball got rolling, she could leave with Henry after posting his bail.


	15. Chapter 15

With some kind of stroke of luck Regina wasn’t sure they’d get at all; the motion went through in time and the judge granted a bail hearing for noon. It gave her some time to prepare to face him not only with Henry’s official statement, but also with some facts that Henry had told her. While she knew there needed to be concrete evidence to have the charges dropped, she had enough to convince the judge to allow Henry out on bail. She just hoped the judge would be sympathetic enough, not just because Henry was a minor, but because he was sincere in his innocence.

Emma didn’t make it to the courthouse in time, unfortunately. By the time they went in front of the tired, cranky old judge who despite having granted the motion for the bail hearing, looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. He listened to Regina’s statement regarding Henry, he listened when Henry repeated his statement that the two deputies had taken from him earlier that morning, and though his expression was unreadable, he granted bail. With several relatively harsh conditions.

Regina posted his bail. Ten percent which came out to a total of thirty thousand dollars in the end. She was too busy dealing with that and the paperwork that came with it to worry about the fact that she would have to see Emma sooner rather than later.

When they returned to the motel room just after one that afternoon, Henry immediately showered and changed into his clothes from the day before and crawled into bed, exhausted as he too didn’t get any sleep the night before. Regina wanted to lay down and get some sleep as well, but she had to wait for Emma to show up. She’d already called her after Henry gave her the new cell number she had. She had been on edge as she waited for Emma to answer and her heart was racing hard the moment she heard Emma’s voice on the other end of the line.

Henry woke up during that phone call and wanted to talk to her, but Emma refused and demanded to hear from Regina about what the hell was going on now. She told her what happened once she arrived at the county jail and then during questioning. She explained what happened during the bail hearing as well and how she’d gone ahead and posted bail for him. Emma was angry, but silent aside from asking her if he was okay. They ended the phone call after just a couple of minutes and Regina had sat in the chair by the window ever since and waited for Emma to arrive there at the motel.

During the hearing, Regina had argued that the charges were unfair and unjustified as they arrested him and placed said charges on him without concrete evidence. She asked to have the charges delayed until there was evidence proving otherwise and the tired, cranky judge eventually agreed and then set his conditions.

Henry was under strict house arrest until his next hearing, one that would be determined after the holiday on Tuesday and after the investigation had wrapped up. He was not allowed to leave the state of Maine for any reason and had until Monday morning to surrender his passport as he did not have it on him to do it there when the judge asked. From six in the evening until eight in the morning, and he would have to wear a SCRAM bracelet on his ankle to monitor his whereabouts in the meantime. The judge told him to get himself a summer job like most kids his age do and to stay out of trouble or else the outcome will end up far worse than it already was.

Before he was released from custody into Regina’s care temporarily until his mother could arrive in Portland to take him home, Deputy Chambliss had him fitted with the SCRAM bracelet and warned him that if he tried to tamper with it or remove it, it would result in him being arrested and this time he would not get a chance to have a bail hearing at all. Henry didn’t say a word after that, though he did complain that the hard plastic itched his skin once he’d managed to pull his pant leg down over it.

Another condition was that he had to check in with his local sheriff once a day to report his whereabouts and then she would report directly back to Judge Stevenson himself no later than ten o’clock every morning, every single day of the week until his next court appearance. Before the hearing wrapped up and the judge granted his bail and release temporarily to Regina, he told Henry that his chances of getting the charges dropped would be based solely on evidence and if others came forward to speak on his behalf, but the assault charge he had against him would be the hardest to fight as the man whose house they’d broken into was standing firm and was going forward on the charges he’d pressed against Henry for that fight.

Regina could get the rest dropped as soon as the detective in charge of the investigation determined there was no concrete evidence that Henry had done what he was accused of. If there were no fingerprints and no witness statements saying otherwise, it wouldn’t be hard to fight them at all. The judge was right about the assault charge being the hardest to drop, but Regina had a few tricks up her sleeve and had to wait for the ball to continue to roll before she could play them.

The phone call with Emma had been over an hour ago and she still wasn’t there. Regina knew that the drive from Bangor to Portland was a little over two hours, double that when traffic on the interstate was busy. With it being not only a Saturday, but it was also the weekend before July 4th, she knew that Emma would get there when she got there. It was the kind of Saturday that reminded Regina of much simpler times, too. Of the times when she, Emma, and Henry would drive for hours to find the perfect secluded beach outside of town so that they could just _be_ without any fear or worries.

“Is Mom here yet?” Henry asked groggily as he lifted his head from the flat pillow. Regina just shook her head and looked back out the window. “Regina?”

“Hmm? What is it, Henry?”

“Do you believe me?” Henry asked, and in that very moment, he sounded like he was five again, his voice small and scared. “You do believe me, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do,” she said sincerely. “You are not a bad person, Henry, and while I may not know you as I once did, I truly believe you didn’t do the things they said you did.”

“Did you see that guy’s face though?” Henry groaned. “Hit him harder than I thought.”

The remorse was clear in Henry’s voice and Regina wanted to crawl onto the bed with him, hold him tight and promise him that everything would be okay. She couldn’t, though. As much as she wanted to, she just couldn’t bring herself to move from the hard chair she sat in by the window. She lost that right to comfort him a very long time ago.

Regina watched as he sat up slowly on the bed and raised a hand to his face, gently running his fingers over the shiner that had turned a deep purple over the course of the morning. The bruise was the worst just under his left eye where it had swelled up to the point where his eye was barely open a sliver. Henry winced and licked over the cut on his split lip and shook his head.

“Jackass got me good too, though, didn’t he?”

“How are you feeling?” Regina asked though it was apparent it was a pointless question. She could see how he was feeling. Clearly. “Are you hungry?”

“I’m fifteen. I’m always hungry.” Henry deadpanned and laughed a second later. “Where is Mom? Shouldn’t she have been here before now?”

“She was driving when I talked to her. I am sure she’s stuck in traffic. It’s a holiday weekend.”

“When did she leave?”

“She didn’t say. She said she’d be here in two hours or at least that’s what she is hoping for,” she replied softly. “Henry, she’s pretty upset right now, so do be mindful of what you say when she gets here, all right?”

Henry rolled his eyes--well, his eye--and laid back down with a heavy sigh. “Can we eat or do we gotta wait until Mom gets here?” he asked after a moment. He turned on his side to look over at her with a frown. “I can’t remember the last time I ate honestly. Can we order pizza?”

“I don’t see why not,” she replied and she frowned as soon as Henry grabbed her phone she had charging on the nightstand that sat between the two beds. “Henry--”

“What? You said I could order a pizza,” he said and he rolled his eyes again as he got off the bed and handed her phone over to her. “Can I at least have a few bucks then to go get something out of the vending machine? You have no idea how hungry I am right now.”

Regina sighed and glanced down at her phone for a second before she handed it over to him. “Go ahead and order a pizza, then,” she said. “But don’t forget, Henry, part of your bail conditions is that you are not to be in possession of a cell phone, yours or anyone else’s and--”

“Yeah, I know that, Gina,” he muttered and his mood quickly shifted. “Do you still like pineapple on your pizza?” Henry’s face contoured into disgust and Regina just laughed. “No?”

“Order whatever you’d like, Henry, I’m not that hungry, but I could use some coffee. Will you be all right here alone if I head out for about ten minutes?”

“Don’t you mean to ask if can you trust me to leave me alone for ten minutes?” Henry countered. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? It’s not like I can, can I?” He pointed to the bracelet on his ankle with a scowl. “Monitoring every move now. This is way worse than being grounded.”

“I can think of worse things,” Regina replied quietly and she reached for her briefcase and pulled out her wallet. She was hesitant for a moment before she pulled out a crisp twenty from the small wad of bills she had. “One pizza,” she said sternly as she held out the bill to Henry. “And it better not cost more than twenty dollars.”

“They got a special, don’t worry, Gina. It’s only ten bucks plus delivery and this place delivers anywhere. We always get the special when we come to skate here.” Henry took the twenty with a grin. “Thanks! Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back.”

Regina sighed as she closed her wallet and turned to the door as Henry made the call to a local pizza place to order. She opened her wallet again, pulling out a couple of dollar bills to get a coffee from the machine inside the motel’s office and she jumped a little as someone knocked loudly on the door. Henry shook his head before he finished up his order for pizza and put Regina’s phone back down on the nightstand. Another loud knock sounded on the door and Regina unlocked the door and yanked it open.

“Where is he?” Emma demanded as she all but pushed past Regina and walked into the room. She came to a stop the instant her eyes landed on her son. “What the _hell_ were you thinking, Henry! Jesus. What the actual fuck were you thinking?”

Emma was yelling, loudly, and she was beyond furious. Regina just closed the door and lingered as she watched a very terrified Henry as he stood frozen by the bed furthest from the door. He was shaking a little as he lifted a hand, about to speak, but stopped when Emma snapped her fingers and pointed to the bed behind him and he immediately sat down.

“Mom, I’m so--”

“Don’t,” Emma said firmly. “Don’t, kid. I don’t want to hear a half-assed apology from you right now.” Emma inhaled deeply before she turned and looked over at Regina. “Thank you for coming here for him, Regina. How did they know to contact you? Did Henry ask them to call you?”

“I was still listed as his emergency contact.”

Emma laughed in disbelief. “Of course. I forgot to get that changed. Sorry about that,” she said and she turned to look back over at Henry who was now staring at the floor with tears flooding in his eyes. She started to pace and after a few steps, she stopped in front of him and placed a finger under his chin, lifting it to make him look up at her. “Seriously, kid, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Exactly,” she sighed and she sat down beside him on the bed and brushed aside his hair that had fallen over his eyes. “Quite the shiner you got there. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, Mom.”

“You better smarten up, kid,” Emma said, her voice wavering as she reached out to hug him tight. “You just about ruined your life last night. You do realize that, don’t you?”

“I know, Mommy,” Henry cried out as he buried his face into her neck, his arms tightening around her. “I know. I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Henry, we’ll figure this out. We’ll figure it out and we’ll fix it. Somehow.”

Regina wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that yes, they’d fix it somehow, but she couldn’t. Everything wasn’t all right at all and there was no point in pretending otherwise. Regina didn’t even know what would happen next at this point. He had been lucky that the cranky old judge had even granted him bail in the first place, conditions and all. From this point forward, everything was hinged on the investigation and there was no telling how long that would take.

As she watched the two hold on to each other with Henry’s face buried in his mother’s neck, she longed to join them, to hold on to him too, to comfort him the way his mother did. She couldn’t, though, because they all knew she’d lost that right a long time ago.

“Regina?” Emma’s voice was quiet as she looked over at her, tears overflowing in her eyes and she was trembling. “What happens now? What do we do?”

Regina took a deep breath and stepped away from the door. “We have to wait until after the holiday before anything can move forward,” she said. “There is an investigation that is ongoing regarding the entire incident that took place last night.”

“How long could that take?”

“I have no idea,” she said and she frowned at the helpless way that Henry looked at his mother and then over at her. “I am hoping it won’t be long at all, but you never know in these cases. I am fairly confident all charges will be dropped by the time the investigation is done, though the assault charge will be the hardest to fight, self-defense or not.”

“The deputy that spoke with me told me that this man hit Henry first.”

“He did, but it was also his house and he claimed Henry was trespassing which gives this man every right to attack without consequences and to file charges against Henry fairly. In the eyes of the law, this man did nothing wrong. Henry did.”

It almost killed her to see the desperate and pleading look in Emma’s eyes to have to hear that. While she wasn’t sure what the deputy had told Emma, she knew Emma only knew the gist of what had happened last night.

“So,” Emma said as Henry finally let go of her and used the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the tears from his face. “What are the conditions of his bail?”

“I have the entire printout the judge had given me,” Regina said and she picked her briefcase up and placed it on the bed closest to her. “I know it looks like a lot, but it’s common for there to be conditions such as these. In my opinion, he got let off rather easily compared to what it could’ve been. Here, take a look and I’ll answer any questions that I can.”

Regina handed the paper over to Emma and watched as she quickly read over the page of Henry’s bail conditions. Henry leaned over to read them as well even though she’d let him read it on the short cab ride from the courthouse to the motel earlier.

Henry’s bail conditions were a rather lengthily list and one of the first ones was strict house arrest between the hours of 6pm and 8am, any violations regarding that would result in his immediate arrest and bail revoked. It was the only reason he was fitted with a SCRAM bracelet in the first place. Another condition was strict prohibition of use of his personal cell phone. It would be up to his mother to confiscate it until further notice. He had no less than forty-eight hours to return to Storybrooke before he was in direct violation of his bail conditions and would have to surrender his passport to the local sheriff, his mother, before Monday morning.

“House arrest?” Emma looked up from the paper and frowned. “You and I both know I can’t babysit him all day, Regina. How is that going to work?”

“I’m not gonna go anywhere, Mom,” Henry said quietly. “Regina has my phone too, and my stuff, which she won’t let me touch. The cops never gave me my board back, either.”

“It’s not technically house arrest,” Regina said. “It’s more of a curfew of sorts. Judge Stevenson wants Henry to get a summer job and to stay out of trouble.”

“Think you can do that, kid?” Emma asked him and he just shrugged. “Okay, this seems pretty straightforward. I imagine he’s not allowed to be hanging out with any of the people who were involved last night.”

“Mom, they didn’t arrest anyone else,” he said and the tears started back up again. “I was set up!”

“The deputy I spoke with said they knew there were other people there.”

“Yeah well they didn’t fucking arrest anyone else but me!”

“Henry!” Emma yelled and she was seeing red at his blatant language. “Watch your mouth, kid, or I’ll make sure you definitely don’t leave the house even after this is all over. You’ll be grounded until you are eighteen!”

“Sorry. Jeez. Am I not allowed to be pissed off because I was set up, Mom? You would be if you were in my shoes right now.”

“I’m not, am I?” Emma countered and she pinched at the bridge of her nose tiredly. “So, I can take him home now?” she asked Regina and she handed the paper back to her. “Or what happens now?”

“You can take him home, yes,” Regina replied. “I was given a form when they temporarily released him into my custody for you to sign when you arrived here to take him home. I’ll need you to sign that and I will have to deliver it to the sheriff’s station here before any of us leave town.”

“I’m so sorry that you got dragged into this, Regina,” Emma said apologetically. “I completely forgot that we had you listed as an emergency contact still. God, we did that when he was three. Do you remember?”

“I do, yes, and it’s quite all right, Emma. I--”

“We can, you know, find another lawyer to represent him if this is too much for you to take on. I mean,” Emma stammered and she let out a small little laugh and shook her head. “You live in New York City. I’m not going to expect you to come all the way back here for his next court appearance. It’s too much to ask of you.”

“No,” Regina said firmly and both of them looked up at her with eyes wide with surprise. “I am more than happy to represent him and I know that I can fight these charges no matter how the investigation turns out. I honestly wouldn’t trust anyone else to handle this case as well as I know that I can and will. I believe what he told me to be the truth and I will stand by him until the law believes him, too.”

“You believe him?”

“I do.”

Emma smiled then and Regina smiled right back at her. She could not only see but sense the relief as it showed clearly in Emma’s eyes. Henry got up from his spot on the bed and stretched out before he placed a hand over his growling stomach.

“We ordered pizza, Mom. It should be here soon. Maybe I should go outside and wait--”

“No,” Emma said as she grabbed onto Henry’s wrist and pulled him back down. “I need some air. I’ll go out and wait for it for you. Just…stay here.”

“Fine.”

“Regina?” Emma looked at her as she got up from the bed slowly. “Can I talk to you outside?”

“Certainly.”

Regina waited for Emma to walk out of the room first before she stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind her. Emma started to pace immediately along the little narrow sidewalk in front of the door and she groaned as she ran her fingers through her hair. She dropped her hands suddenly and they balled into fists as if she was ready to fight, to punch something to let out a little bit of steam that stemmed from her frustration and anger, but she sighed and her body shook as she tried to shake her hands out of the fists they’d balled into. All Regina could do was stand there and watch her, feeling helpless and useless because she wasn’t sure what to say or what to do.

“I can’t believe he’d do something this stupid,” Emma said with a groan, breaking the silence that had fallen between them since they stepped outside. “God, none of this would’ve even happened if we didn’t have to cancel our camping trip. It’s my fault, really. I’m the idiot who forgot about this weekend. I signed up for this months ago and I should’ve--”

“Things happen, Emma, sometimes far beyond your control. Henry made a poor choice which, as unfortunate as it is, he is now dealing with the consequences.”

“A choice that could potentially ruin the rest of his life!”

“He is fully aware,” Regina replied. “Right now, he is suffering from the consequences of his choices and actions and he has had an unfortunate taste of how much worse those consequences could be. He knows that if he fails to comply with his bail conditions that he will be placed in a cell until he is in front of a judge again. That could be days, weeks, or even months.”

Emma shook her head and moved to sit on the hood of her yellow Bug that was parked in front of the room. “He better smarten up,” she said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know what’s been going on with him lately. He’s changing.”

“He’s a teenager.”

“He’s turning into his fucking father,” Emma said angrily. She sighed heavily when Regina didn’t respond or provoke her about Henry’s father. Though she wanted to tell her that he definitely wasn’t anything like that sperm donor father of his, she didn’t utter a word. “I did everything that I could so that he wouldn’t one day end up turning into his father. I don’t even know where I went wrong. I failed him.”

“Emma, he’s a teenager. He is going to make mistakes. He is going to make the wrong choices and unfortunately, he will have to suffer through the consequences of his actions. I am sure you did everything you could, that you did the right things, but even doing everything right doesn’t mean he’ll turn out to be absolutely perfect. Nobody in this world is perfect. You and I both know that. Just as I know you have done the best you can for your son, so please, don’t place any blame on yourself for the choices he’s made thus far.”

Emma sighed defeatedly. “I know. So, what happens now?” She looked lost and scared, very much like Regina remembered when Emma had first told her she was pregnant with Henry. “What do we do now, Regina?”

“Well, you can take Henry home. I’m sure he’d be more comfortable in his own bed as he tries to catch up on all the sleep he lost last night.”

“What about you?”

Regina looked at her, it being her turn to look lost and confused. “What about me?” she asked and she laughed a little. “I suppose I will have to find a way back home. I flew up here on a red-eye flight this morning. I don’t think it’ll be easy to get a flight back for a few days with it being a holiday weekend, and all.”

“Oh.”

“I can stay here for a couple of days. It’s not a big deal, Emma. All that matters now is that what I came here for is done.”

“No,” Emma said and she pushed herself off the hood of her car. “Come home with us. Stay with us for a couple of days.”

Home. It felt so good to hear that word come from Emma, but it wasn’t home to her. Not anymore. Regina shook her head no and Emma frowned. They both turned as the door to the room opened up slowly and Henry tentatively poked his head out.

“Is the pizza guy here yet?” he asked hopefully.

“No,” Regina and Emma responded together.

“God, I’m fucking starving,” Henry mumbled under his breath as he started to close the door.

“Henry!” Emma scolded as she pushed the door open and followed him inside the room. “We have talked about this. You need to dial it back on your swearing. You know how much I hate when you talk like that, kid. You were raised better than that.”

“Yeah, sorry. Whatever.”

“You whatever me one more time, kid, and you _will_ be on house arrest beyond your new curfew. I will make sure of it. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll be sure to make your life a living hell if you _ever_ use that word again while talking to me.”

“Fine!” Henry said as he threw his arms up in the air. “I’m just hungry, Mom, and I’m tired. I’m also pissed off because that idiot cop who went through my stuff probably trashed my board.”

“You can get a new one after all this is over.”

“But that could take months!” Henry whined and he looked over at Regina with desperation in his eyes. “Isn’t that what you said in the courthouse? That this whole thing could go on for months?”

“There is a possibility, yes, but let’s hope that is not the case at all,” Regina replied and she looked over at Emma who had taken to pacing in front of the window. “Don’t worry, Henry, I’ll be contacting the detective in charge of the investigation first thing Monday morning. I’ll do whatever it takes to find out the progress of the investigation but that is only if this detective is even willing to discuss any information with me.”

“What kind of evidence will they need to make these charges stick?” Emma asked and she stopped pacing to take a seat on the bed closest to the door. She took the remote out of Henry’s hand when he went to turn on the TV. “Kid, not now.”

“I imagine they’ll be looking for witnesses to come forward with statements on what happened during the course of the night before the arrest was made. Surveillance video will be a big priority for them as well, as it would be needed to prove that Henry was driving the stolen vehicle. They’ll be looking for physical evidence, fingerprints likely, on the bag of cocaine that was found--”

“Cocaine?” Emma’s eyes went wide. Clearly the deputy hadn’t told her what substance he’d been carrying when they searched his pockets. “What the hell, Henry? Why are you hanging out with people who are--”

“It wasn’t Jeremy or Dave okay! It was Chop or the guy whose house we were in, I don’t know. I don’t hang out with people who do drugs, Mom. You know that,” Henry said and he was on the verge of tears again. “I may make some stupid choices but I’m not _that_ stupid.” He let out a groan as he laid back on the bed and lifted a hand to gingerly touch the bruise on his face. “I know that I made a big mistake. Huge. You don’t have to keep telling me because I know, Mom. I can’t take back what happened last night. Do you know what I was thinking when they arrested me?”

“No, what were you thinking, kid?”

“How pissed you were gonna be when you found out.”

Emma glared at him. “Oh, pissed isn’t the word I’d use right about now.”

“How long am I gonna be grounded for?” Henry asked quietly. “Tell me so I can prepare to spend the rest of my teenage life locked up in the house.”

“I don’t know,” Emma sighed and she looked over at Regina and shrugged. “What do you think is fair? Three months? Six? Maybe until he’s eighteen or twenty-one?”

“What?” Henry sat up, eyes wide. “Mom! You can’t be serious?”

“I’d say until he is thirty,” Regina joked as she winked at him. “Honestly, Emma, whatever you think is fair will be fair. You are his mother, after all.”

“Thirty-five it is,” Emma laughed and Henry rolled his eyes, laid back on the bed, and pulled a pillow over his head with a loud groan. “Or maybe forty? I haven’t decided yet.”

“I hate you guys,” he grumbled from under the pillow. He protested as Emma pulled it away and he growled as he tried to grab it back. “When are we going home, Mom?”

“Well, you got a pizza on the way, don’t you?” Emma asked and he nodded. “Soon as it gets here, we can go and you can eat in the car.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “What about you, Regina? Are you going to come home with us?”

There was that word again. Home.

“I--I don’t think that is such a good idea,” she stammered weakly. “I should--”

“You should be kind of close for when I gotta go back to court, right?” Henry continued and she knew he was right. They all knew. “I mean, we don’t even know when that is gonna be, but it could be next week, right?”

“Yes, it could be. We won’t know until we know, unfortunately.” Regina paused as she looked at two sets of wide eyes eagerly waiting for her to decide. “I suppose I could come back to Storybrooke with you two today and figure out what comes next when the time comes to do just that.”

“Awesome! Road trip! God, we haven’t done one of those with just the three of us in forever!” Henry laughed and he jumped up from the bed as soon as someone knocked on the door. “Score! Pizza is here! I’m so hungry!”

Emma, without saying a word, took the twenty from Henry’s hand that Regina had given him earlier and promptly handed it to her with a small shake of her head. She pulled out a few bills from her own pocket and, after pointing at the bed for Henry to stay put, she went to answer the door to pay for the pizza herself. Henry was happy, though, for the first time all day, his smile brightening the dark ambiance in the room. Regina wasn’t sure if he was happy because the pizza was there or because she agreed to go back to Storybrooke with them, or both.

She wasn’t sure it was the best idea, but it was her only other option other than staying there and booking a flight back to New York City or even renting a car to get back home. At least one thing was for certain, with Henry there, they wouldn’t be able to talk and she was okay with that. She still wasn’t ready to talk about anything with Emma just yet, but she was getting there. Slowly yet surely, she knew she’d get there eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've turned off anonymous commenting for the time being due to several guest commenters hiding behind the anonymity to leave unconstructive and negative comments. Get a life, stop reading the story if you hate it so much instead of constantly dropping these dumb comments with every chapter. It's petty and childish. Grow up. You need to find a better hobby other than harassing people on the internet, Troll


	16. Chapter 16

It wasn’t the silence that filled the Bug despite the radio being on that surprised Regina the most. No, it was the fact that Emma’s car was completely spotless that had her gaping like a fish from the moment she got into the passenger seat. Not once, in all the years they were together, had Emma’s car been that clean and there wasn’t even a speck of dust on the dash, either. She’d even glanced into the back seat twice where Henry sat a little cramped in and happily eating his pizza straight from the box and didn’t see the usual pile of bags and coffee cups from Granny’s diner piled up back there.

There was an odd familiarity just being in Emma’s yellow Bug and on the road with the radio playing low, the windows rolled down, Henry in the backseat eating--he was always eating even when he was little. It reminded her of a time when taking a road trip, no matter how long or short, planned or spontaneous, when it was normal for them to do those things, when it was a part of their life together. A whole host of memories swarmed in Regina’s mind, memories that came and went as the seconds molded into minutes. It made her miss the simplicity of what their life used to be, back when they were together, back when they’d been _happy_ , back when leaving Storybrooke had afforded them the luxury of truly being all that they were without the hindrance of lies and excuses.

Regina hadn’t failed to notice Emma was taking the long way home when she avoided the turn off onto the interstate and headed to the back roads instead. And there was that word again. _Home_.

She didn’t say anything either, choosing to instead stare out the open window and let her mind wander as she settled into the familiarity of being with the two people who had once been _her_ family. Two people she had tried and failed to move on from, two people who she knew she still loved more than anything to that very day. It hurt, too. There was so many years and still so much forgiveness that needed to happen that Regina had no hope things would change as instantaneously as she deeply wished it would.

Because that, _that_ would be easier.

The music that had been playing, as per Henry’s request, was mostly alternative and rock, but when Emma suddenly changed the radio and the sound of jazz filled the car, Regina looked over at her in complete surprise. Emma smiled at her, and as her left eyebrow raised a little with a playful smirk dancing over her lips, she turned up the volume and then turned to look at the road. Emma lightly tapped her fingers against the steering wheel along to the smooth beat and acted as if that entire little exchange hadn’t happened at all. Typical Emma, really, at least it was of the Emma she once knew better than the back of her own hand.

“Jazz?” Regina questioned quietly, unable to stop her curiosity. Emma just shrugged, her attention focused on the road ahead. “I thought that you hated listening to jazz?”

“I find it relaxing now.” Another shrug. Eyes still on the road ahead. Emma sighed and draped her left arm out the window and cast a quick glance over at Regina. “God, this whole weekend has been so stressful, you know?” Another sigh. “All he had to do was stay home like I told him to, and none of this would’ve happened and we--we wouldn’t--we--”

“Wouldn’t be here right now,” Regina finished for her, her voice quiet. Even. “I know.”

“I’m sorry that you got dragged into this,” Emma said as a frown firmly settled into place. “I’m sure this is the last place you wanna be and the last thing you wanna be involved in right now.”

“It’s fine, Emma.”

“It’s really not,” Emma said in a rush. “I should’ve been there for him. I should’ve been there to bail my own kid out and to be there when he faced the judge. I should’ve--” A crack in her voice made Regina look over at her and she watched as Emma trembled slightly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How much are you charging for all of this? For representing Henry? I don’t think we can afford you, Regina.”

Regina laughed. “I’m not charging anything,” she said after a beat “I am doing this for Henry. Pro bono. Free. It’s the least that I can do after…everything.”

The meaning behind her words caused a heavy silence to settle between them in the front seat. Emma just nodded in understanding or maybe she was speechless and didn’t know what to say at all, Regina wasn’t sure. Emma continued to drive alone in silence before she readjusted the rearview mirror and looked back at Henry.

“You finish all that pizza yet, kid?”

“Nah,” Henry replied and he leaned forward a little. “I saved you and Gina a piece. I’m not some kind of monster who hogs a whole pizza, you know.”

“But you are a growing teenage boy with an endless stomach,” Emma chuckled and she reached back and Henry handed her a slice from the box. “You want one, Regina?”

“I’ll pass,” she said quietly. “But thank you.”

“Are you guys gonna be awkward the whole way home?” Henry asked as he leaned forward between the two front seats and laughed. “Cos it’s weird. Really weird. You both realize that, don’t you?”

“We’re being awkward?” Emma asked and she took a rather large bite from the slice of pizza. She looked over at Regina before she swallowed and shrugged her shoulders. “Are we being awkward?”

“I have no idea, but if Henry says we are, then we must be.”

Henry groaned as he leaned back in his seat and Emma just laughed. The car fell back into silence again save for the music on the radio that still continued to play quietly. Regina turned to look out the window, the awkwardness Henry pointed out feeling heavier than the silence between them all. When Emma turned up the volume a little more, Regina turned to her with a small smile before she turned to look back out the open window.

It was relaxing, as Emma had pointed it out before, but that was something she’d always known. It was just a shame it’d taken Emma so long to figure it out, especially on those nights when Regina would put on one of her father’s old jazz records he’d handed down to her and try to drown the whole world out and Emma would be so insistent on listening to something else. Anything else.

With a shake of her head as those memories started to come crashing down, she tried to chase them away as she stared out at the trees that lined the road rush past in a blur. Those memories felt as if they were from a whole different life, one that didn’t belong to her. It didn’t. Not anymore.

She had not fallen into limbo like this for a very long time and it had taken her father’s passing and her return to Storybrooke to cause her to fall down the rabbit hole of memories she now couldn’t escape.

Figuratively and quite literally as she was stuck in the old yellow Bug that was traveling along a lonely back road through Maine steadily at 64 mph.

There were so many trips along roads just like that one. Whether it be because they were lost after making a wrong turn somewhere or by choice, there were a lot of memories of days like this that were flooding back. It was feeling she couldn’t shake. It had her stomach twisting in knots and her heart was pounding. It felt full.

Again. It felt full _again_.

Despite the circumstances that brought them all together again, it felt right. She was in trouble, too. Afraid, most definitely.

How could it still feel this way, to be so easy just to fall back into place, and for it to feel so right?

Regina swallowed hard and reached for the coffee cup in the console beside her. Empty. It wasn’t like it was good coffee or anything, but her mouth was dry and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She leaned out the window, breathing in the fresh air. Though it was hot out, it helped her take that deep breath she couldn’t take before.

“Got to stop for gas soon,” Emma said, her voice cutting through the music sharply. “And I could use another coffee. You up for a pit stop?”

“Yes.”

“Kid?” Emma looked back at him briefly before turning her eyes back to the road. “Think there is a place up ahead to stop?”

“We’ve been this way before,” Henry replied. After a minute passed he laughed. “About five miles up the road, Mom. It has that little diner, remember? Best kept--”

“--kept secret in the state,” Emma laughed along with him. “You remember that place, Regina?”

“Vaguely,” she replied. Emma’s smile faded and the awkwardness settled down amongst them once again. “Is this the one with the epic omelet eating challenge?”

“Mom actually did it a few years ago,” Henry piped up from the back. “She’s on the wall now.”

“Is that right?” Regina couldn’t help but laugh because it was just so Emma she didn’t doubt it for a moment. “Did you cheat?” she teased and Emma started laughing with her. “I remember the size of those omelets. That is no easy feat.”

“It really wasn’t,” Emma said with a proud smile. “That sneaky kid back there pulled a fast one on me, bet against me and got a skateboard out of the whole deal.”

“Nobody thought Mom could do it,” Henry chuckled. “I believed in her, though. Mom wasn’t the only one I pulled a fast one on.”

“Zelena was the one that coerced you into the bet, wasn’t she?” Regina asked because she was catching on, slowly yet surely, to just how the dynamics were with her family and Emma and Henry. “Well, that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Mom was so mad,” Henry laughed. “She told Zee the bet was void, cos you know, family. Zee got it for me for my birthday a few months later anyway.”

“Of course she did,” Regina replied. She chuckled as she glanced over at Emma who just sat there murmuring something quietly to herself. “Well, I’m very proud of you, Emma. You finally achieved your lifelong dream of winning an omelet eating contest. Congratulations.”

“You’re still a bit of an asshole, aren’t you?”

“Some things never change, hmm?” Regina laughed. “You aren’t planning on a rematch, are you?”

“Today?” Emma chuckled lightly and shook her head. “No. We’ll just stop for gas and a couple of coffees to go. You look dead on your feet.”

“It’s fine, Emma.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Emma focused her attention back on the road for a moment before she turned to look over at Regina. “What are the other conditions on his bail?”

Regina frowned a little as Emma brought things right back to the very reason she was in that car with them in the first place. She glanced down at her briefcase she had settled between her feet on the floor. “We can go over them later.” She sighed at Emma’s small little nod and the closed way she was leaning towards the door. “I’m sure that the deputy you spoke with told you that there are a few things I’ll need to get you to sign before Monday.”

“Yeah, he sent me an email with copies already.”

“You know what really sucks?” Henry asked and Regina looked back at him and found him slouching and pouting in the back seat with his arms crossed firmly over his chest. “I’m not even gonna be able to have a social life again. Ever. Basically.”

“It’s not gonna be forever, kid,” Emma said gently. “Just until this all blows over.”

“You said I was gonna be grounded!”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your own mother.”

“That’s not a social life. That’s a death sentence.” Henry deadpanned. “No offense, Mom.”

The three of them laughed and the sound of it made Regina’s heart swell and swell. It was a feeling of euphoria she hadn’t felt in so long. It was overwhelming. It made her face flush as she leaned back out the window for a breath of fresh air.

“Having Mom as the sheriff was already a death sentence to begin with,” Henry said and Emma reached back to swat at his knees playfully. “You know it’s true.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic, dear,” Regina said as evenly and as sternly as she could before she could no longer contain her own laughter. “You should be proud of your mother, Henry.”

“I am very proud of her.”

Emma grinned smugly as she shifted in her seat a little and switched hands on the wheel. “Thanks, kid, you know I never get tired of hearing that,” she said and Henry lifted a hand and they fist bumped over the seat. “You sure this place is close? I don’t see anything.”

“Yeah, it’s up the road, Mom. So,” Henry said and he leaned forward between the seats again, an arm resting on each of them. “How long until you think I can just live my life again, Gina?”

“Until the charges are dropped,” she replied. “I can’t give you a time frame right now, unfortunately. I’m sorry, Henry. You just have to be patient right now.”

“This sucks!”

“Maybe next time you’ll do as you are told and stay home, kid,” Emma countered and she sighed heavily, switching her hands on the wheel again to shift down a gear just before a large curve in the road. “One hell of a lesson, isn’t it?”

Regina wanted to remind her that he knows, that he knows he’s made a big mistake because he’s living through the consequences, but it wasn’t her place to say anything at all. She was just his lawyer now. She had to keep it strictly professional. For her own sake at the very least.

“Was the ankle bracelet really necessary?” Emma asked. “He’s only fifteen!”

“Unfortunately, when it comes to bail conditions and terms, they are non-negotiable. So yes, it was necessary,” Regina replied. “In the eyes of the law, as I’m sure you understand, Henry is a criminal with some very serious charges against him. He is just lucky he is only fifteen because I am quite certain that if he was much older, the judge wouldn’t have been as forgiving.”

“That judge was a mean old bastard that looked like someone kicked his puppy. He was probably pissed he had to work on a Saturday.” Emma and Regina exchanged a look at Henry’s proclamation but neither said a word. “It’s true, Mom. You should’ve seen the guy. Bet you a hundred he was hungover from a bender the night before. Probably why he was so cranky. At least that’s what some of the deputies were talking about when they were processing my release.”

“There is nothing more we can do until Monday at the earliest, but with the holiday coming up, I doubt anything will happen until after,” Regina said. “They’ll need some concrete evidence to back up all the charges. I can’t push for them to hurry along with the investigation as I cannot tell someone how to do their job. I’m going to want to talk to these friends of yours, in the meantime, Henry. We need something on our side going forward. If you say, as you said, that you were set up, I need to make the judge believe that as much as I do.”

“I believe him, too,” Emma said softly. Gone was the laughter from before, replaced with a solemn, hopeless sound in her voice that mirrored that of her son’s.

“We’ll figure this out, Emma,” Regina said and she fought back a reassuring smile as she made that promise and watched as the frown deepened on Emma’s face. “Look,” she said as she pointed to the gas station that appeared up ahead, “we’re nearly there.”

“Good. Almost on fumes, here,” Emma replied as she patted the steering wheel. “Come on, baby,” she said to her car, “we’re almost there. Hold on.”

Regina rolled her eyes and she didn’t need to look back to know that Henry did too. Some things truly didn’t change. Emma treating her car like her baby was one of them.

[X]

“So, when did you start listening to jazz?” Regina hated the silence in the car between them. After they got gas and Henry ran into the diner to get a couple of coffees and a soda for himself, they were back on the road again. “If I recall, you never used to listen voluntarily.”

Emma laughed lightly. “I don’t know,” she said with a small shrug. “I started listening to it a while ago, especially when I’m driving. As I said, I find it relaxing. Takes some of the tension out, you know? Your dad got me into it more, actually.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah. I’ve been listening to a lot of Chris Botti lately. You’d love it.”

“I’m familiar with some of his work,” Regina said with a fond smile. “Do you have anything--”

“Yeah, I got his newest album in the visor,” Emma replied as she motioned to the visor on Regina’s side. Emma lifted a hand to reach over and stopped, letting it drop down to her lap for a moment before she placed it back up on the steering wheel. “I have a whole playlist on my phone, too, but this car is old and I can’t get it to hook up properly.”

Regina flipped the visor down to reveal a little CD holder on the inside of the visor and the six CD’s that sat in each slot. She ran her fingers over each one before pulling out the one she’d mentioned. She shook her head at the realization that Emma hadn’t done much to her car--aside from keeping it cleaner than it ever had been--and that she still had the same audio system that Regina had splurged on for their fourth anniversary.

“I keep telling her she needs to get an upgrade,” Henry said as he leaned forward again to put his head between the seats. “Like as in a new car. She can afford it now, you know, but she won’t.”

“I will drive the Bug until it dies,” Emma stated and she affectionately patted the dash. “Don’t worry, baby, you won’t die on me anytime soon.”

“You should still get a new car, Mom.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the Bug!” Emma exclaimed as she turned to look at her son. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

“Come on, Mom, I always see you eyeing that truck Michael has for sale outside his shop. You’ve been talking about how if you actually bought it that you could use it for work, too.”

“I’m not buying that truck, end of story, so just drop it, alright?” she said with a pout and Regina had to try to keep from laughing at the exchange between the two of them. “Don’t listen to him, baby, he just doesn’t appreciate a classic.”

Regina couldn’t contain the laughter any longer after Emma affectionately patted the dash again and stroked her hands over the steering wheel. Emma laughed and turned the music up once Regina put the CD in and it began to play.

And it still all felt so very normal despite it being so far from it.

Emma was right, though, and she realized it after a few songs in that she did enjoy the music playing. She was familiar with the artist, but not of that album, and she made a note in her phone to remind her to find more of his albums upon her return to New York. Some of the songs started to remind her of those nights, so long ago, when Emma would willingly listen to jazz with her and they’d end up dancing in the living room after a few too many glasses of wine and then spent hours making love until they succumbed to the inevitable pull of sleep.

It wasn’t good for her to be thinking of their past, especially not with Emma right beside her and Henry dozing off in the back. It was becoming harder and harder to tune out those thoughts, those memories, to push them back to the far recesses of her mind where they’d been hiding for years. It was becoming even harder, too, to ignore the way her heart beat a little quicker every time she just so much as looked over at Emma. Each time she did, Emma turned to her with a smile, before becoming immersed in the sultry beat of the music.

It was also becoming impossible to ignore the very fact that she was still very much in love with Emma. And it became clearer as they drove past the “Welcome to Storybrooke” sign that she would never not be in love with Emma Swan.

It didn’t matter that so many years had already passed by or the fact that they had both tried to move on with their lives. Those feelings were still there for Regina and the void in her heart, her very soul ached to be with the only one she’d ever loved so deeply and so thoroughly right from the first moment that they had met more than a decade ago.

_If you even think for a minute that Emma isn’t still in love with you, you’re an even bigger bloody idiot than I ever imagined_.

Zelena’s words, once again, echoed in her mind relentlessly. Was it true? Kathryn had implied as much as well, but was it true? Was Emma still truly in love with her after all that time? Even after the way she had left, after the way she’d stayed out of her life? Every ounce of her wanted it to be true, but if it was, what would happen next?

_Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed._

One week was all it had taken for her to fall back into a place where she hadn’t been in a long time and it also felt like a place she’d never been to before at the same time. She had thought a lot about things over the last week, especially upon her return home. She thought about how different things truly were now and those thoughts left her yearning to know just how different life could’ve been had she stayed.

“Do you want to come by for a coffee?” Emma asked, pulling Regina from her thoughts. “Or would you just rather I drop you off at your mom’s place?”

“I can come for a coffee, sure,” Regina replied quietly, licking over her dry lips as Emma just stared over at her and waited for the light she’d stopped at to change. “I’ll need to call my mother and let her know what is going on. I doubt she’ll be thrilled if I just simply show up at the house without warning.”

“Can we order in tonight, Mom?” Henry asked just as Emma made the turn when the light changed. “My treat. I got some allowance money saved up and seeing as I’m not allowed to go anywhere or have a social life until all of this is over, figure I should get used to hanging out with you, Mom.”

“We’ll see, Hen,” Emma replied wearily. She made another turn onto First Street and sighed softly, shifting down as she approached the driveway. “So,” she said as she pulled in and came to a stop, the brakes squealing a little. “We did a remodel in the kitchen last year.” Emma pulled the emergency brake before turning off the engine. “Dad and Marco worked on it for weeks.”

“Dad?”

“Sorry,” Emma sighed. “Calling him Henry got a little confusing after a while and he insisted that I call him Dad. Force of habit. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I know how much he meant to you.”

Emma smiled sadly. “They did such a fantastic job. You’ll see. Cora was on his case the whole time, insistent that he let someone else help Marco do the work, but you know how he is-- _was_.”

Regina found it a bit odd that Emma called her father Dad and her mother by nothing else other than her name--as far as she knew, anyway.  Even knowing that Emma and Henry had become a part of the family, more so even after she left, it didn’t make it any easier to truly understand the type of relationship that Emma had with her family or how it had evolved over the years.

“I imagine it took quite a while,” Regina said and Emma laughed, nodding before they got out of the car. Regina pulled her seat forward so Henry could get out of the backseat. “However did you two live and survive through that? Did you eat at Granny’s the whole time?”

“Cora fed us dinner every night, actually. We only went to Granny’s for breakfast most days. Your mom sent us home with a lot of leftovers. During the whole renovation, we had the microwave in the living room. We survived.”

“Survived? Barely!” Henry called out as he jogged to the side door and used his key to unlock it. “Mom lies. It wasn’t that easy,” he said with an eyebrow raised as he opened the door. “Can I go sleep for a while?”

“Yeah, go,” Emma said as she shooed him off. She stepped inside and held the door open, smiling at Regina. “Well, come in,” she said with a flourish. “You know, I’m really grateful that your parents have been so good to me, to us. I wish I had the chance to tell him that before he passed.”

“I’m sure he knew,” Regina said and she took in a deep breath as she stepped inside the house she hadn’t been in for over ten years. Emma walked to the wall and flipped the light switch on in the kitchen and Regina followed her. “Wow. It’s beautiful. Dad and Marco did this all by themselves?”

“Impressive, right?” Emma grinned proudly. “Took about nine weeks and almost fifteen thousand dollars, give or take.” She walked straight over to the refrigerator and pulled it open to retrieve a bottle of water from inside. “Would’ve cost more, but Marco didn’t charge for full labor since Dad helped him with the cabinets and some of the other work. Not bad, right? A custom kitchen for less than thirty grand.”

“Not bad at all and definitely impressive.”

“Mom is so _anal_ about the dishes now,” Henry said as he came into the kitchen from the doorway to the living room. “We have a dishwasher now that we barely use. Mom says it’s just a waste of water or whatever.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be trying to get some sleep right now, Hen?”

“Yeah, I wanted to get some water,” he said to her and he laughed as he looked at Regina. “I’m serious, Gina. She’s so anal about it. It’s hilarious.”

“Really?” Regina laughed, raising an eyebrow at Emma since the one thing they had always fought about before was over the dishes piling up in the sink, day after day. “Let me guess, she makes you do the dishes, doesn’t she?”

“Hey!” Emma said defensively. “He’s got to have some responsibility and he’s perfectly capable.”

“I wash my own dishes and we both do it when we cook together. I wash, Mom dries,” he said and he grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator before he picked up the cordless phone from the charger on the counter. “Do you want me to order now? Get the usual? I know I got a curfew and everything now, but there’s still plenty of time for me to walk over there and pick it up.”

“Gonna order from Tony’s?” Emma questioned and he nodded. “Make sure you get the garlic knots this time, kid. Tony owes us some free ones for screwing up our order the last time.”

“Anything you don’t like, Gina?” Henry asked as he quickly dialed a number and placed the phone to his right ear. “Or are you good with anything?”

“Anything is fine.”

Henry placed the order and Emma smacked her forehead in realization. “You’ve never had Tony’s before,” she said. “The place just opened up a few years back. Best Italian inspired food on the entire east coast, really.”

“Is it now?”

“Mm, yeah,” Emma grinned and turned to Henry excitedly. “Oh, Hen,” she said and she grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. “You gotta order some of those cinnamon bites, too.”

“Really?” Henry asked in surprise.

“Yes. Regina just has to try them.”

“She’s gonna love them,” Henry replied with a laugh. “Yeah, Tone, you heard that right. An order of our usual, double up on the pasta, and those cinnamon bites, too. Mom said not to forget the garlic knots this time. Oh, can you add a little extra caramel to the bites too? Perfect, thanks.”

“How long?” Emma asked and he put the phone down back on the charger’s base.

“Forty to an hour he said,” he said with a small shrug. “It’s Saturday and it’s almost the dinner rush and he said his delivery guy is off sick tonight so it’s a good thing I was already planning to go pick it up, huh?”

“It’s okay for him to do that, right?” Emma asked, suddenly worried. She glanced out the window and then at the clock on the stove. “Six is his curfew, I know, but is he allowed to do that?”

“I don’t see why not. You know where he is going and what he is doing. He has a few hours before the curfew comes into effect. It’s fine, Emma. It’s not as if he’s going out with his friends. He graciously offered to not only pay for dinner but to pick it up, after all.”

“Well,” Henry groaned and he shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, a move familiar to the way his mother did it often. “I don’t know if I’m gonna have enough now that Mom tacked on the cinnamon--”

“Kid, I know you got enough. You got plenty,” Emma said pointedly. “I know all about the stash of cash you keep under your mattress beside a couple of magazines you don’t think I know about.”

“Mom!” Henry was red in the face. “How many times have I told you not to go in my room?”

“I’m your mother. I’m allowed to go in your room and snoop whenever I want. We made a deal a long time ago, Henry. We don’t hide anything or keep secrets from each other, ever. Now go. By the time you walk over there and flirt with that pretty girl you like that works there, the food will be ready.”

“Whatever,” Henry grumbled, his face still red, and he stormed out of the kitchen in a huff.

“Teenagers,” Emma sighed before she opened her water and chugged most of it back. She placed the bottle down on the counter and exhaled sharply. “I guess it could be a lot worse, you know?” she said and she shook her head. “He could’ve knocked up some poor girl by now.”

“He’s already having sex?” Regina asked in surprise. “He’s only fifteen.”

“I am not having sex!” Henry yelled, his voice carrying through the house in an odd echo. “And I’ll be sixteen soon!”

“He’s totally having sex,” Emma whispered and Regina just laughed.

For a moment, it felt like the last ten years hadn’t gone by without them being together and in each other’s lives. For just a moment, everything felt like it used to, before the petty fights and those long, sleepless nights where Regina was alone in bed and Emma slept on the couch. For just a moment, Regina could see what could’ve been, how they should’ve been. It didn’t help that Emma still looked at her with that same look in her eyes, that look of unconditional love and yearning.

She wanted to believe that she was imagining it all. After years of escaping those memories and those feelings, she had learned to not hold on to hope for a life that was never hers. At least not a life that was any longer. She wanted to believe that the look she had yearned to see, that look only Emma had ever given her before, that it was all just nothing more than something her mind had created out of hope. Useless hope. Though the more she looked at Emma, the harder it was to look away. To believe that it was anything other than what she’d just seen with her very own eyes.

She didn’t want to look away, either.

She didn’t want that moment to pass. She didn’t want to try to convince herself that Emma hadn’t just given her that very look of nothing but unconditional love and yearning. She wanted it to be true. To be real.

Was she grasping at useless hope of having something happening between them? Possibly, but when Emma smiled at her again, both of them now stuck in a trance and their eyes locked together, it wasn’t based on useless hope or her wandering imagination.

It was actually real.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update so if you haven't noticed that, go back one chapter and read! Happy Easter!

That cup of coffee Emma had originally invited her in for wasn’t offered, not until after they’d eaten and had stuffed themselves to the brim. Even though it hadn’t been a substantial amount of food that they’d ordered, there was still plenty of leftovers for, as Henry put it, a midnight snack. He retreated to his bedroom for the night while Emma put on a pot of coffee and Regina quickly did up the dishes they’d used in the sink.

The kitchen wasn’t the only room in the house that had changed over the years. All the walls were freshly painted, a soft yellow instead of the white they’d been before, and there was different furniture in the living room, the old worn couch that they’d once had was now long gone. It was the same house, but everything had changed. It seemed to be a common theme when it came to the town and everything in it. It stayed the same but it was also different at the same time. It was a little bit unsettling to her.

Regina was now delaying the inevitable moment she’d have to leave to go to her mother’s house for the night. As completely exhausted as she was, as desperately as she needed to sleep, it was the very last place she wanted to be anytime soon. She had already spoken with her mother shortly after Henry had left to pick up their dinner and there were several reasons aside from not wanting to be there that kept her from leaving.

The main reason being that as soon as her mother had answered the phone and she’d heard the slight slur in her voice, she knew that her mother had likely spent the afternoon drinking. Again. She couldn’t be around her like that, not because it bothered her, but because she knew she didn’t have full control over her willpower, especially not in her mother’s house. She was barely able to hold it together just being there in the house she’d once called home a long time ago and was already struggling enough as it was.

Besides, she was enjoying the time she had with Emma despite the onslaught of memories that came rushing back just from being in the house they once called home together.

It went without saying that her time there was coming to an end. Emma looked as exhausted as she felt and Regina was certain they were both struggling to stay awake. Still, she sipped her coffee as slowly as she could manage and let herself become lost in the moment of being there, in that house, with Emma. It felt like old times. It reminded her of happier times. Simpler times.

“Do you want another coffee?” Emma asked from where she sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Or water or something?”

“No,” Regina said with a shake of her head as she glanced down into her nearly empty mug. “What I would really like right now is a glass of wine.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No,” she snapped. “I want one. Just one glass. Surely you have some stashed away. I saw the beer in the refrigerator earlier and I know you have a habit of keeping at least one bottle for special occasions. Just one glass. It’s all I’m asking from you right now.”

“Regina--”

“I don’t know what my father told you, but after the last week, especially after today, I could really use a glass of wine to help me unwind. Please, do not give me a hard time about this, Emma. You have no idea what I’ve been through nor do you understand what I’m going through right now.”

“I know,” Emma said with a frown. “I didn’t like, trigger you into wanting a drink, did I?”

“A lot of things trigger me, Emma,” Regina replied tightly. “And no, you didn’t.”

“You’ll regret it if you do.”

“There are a lot of things that I regret.”

“Me too. Giving you a drink when you’ve been sober now for months is not going to be one of them.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

Emma frowned before she got up from the couch and took Regina’s mug from her before she disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later, she walked out carrying two tall glasses of what looked like lemonade. She handed one to Regina and sat back down on the opposite end of the couch with a heavy sigh.

“I should’ve got rid of those cans in the fridge or like hid them if I knew it’d trigger you,” Emma said quietly. “I’m sorry, Regina. I should’ve known better. Your father, he told me a lot about what happened with you over the years, especially with what has happened more recently. He was worried about you all the time, you know? I was too. I still am.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Regina said before taking a sip of her lemonade. It tasted freshly squeezed and she raised an eyebrow at Emma. “Did you make this?” she asked and Emma shook her head no as she too took a sip of her lemonade.

“Zelena did, actually.”

“How is it that you and my sister ever became friends?”

Emma laughed, almost looking grateful that Regina had effortlessly changed the subject to something much lighter. “It just happened,” she said with a small shrug. “It’s a long story. I’m sure she’ll tell you if you ask her, I’m just, my head is everywhere but Henry right now. God,” she groaned and stretched out her legs before propping her bare feet up on the edge of the coffee table. “I can’t believe this is even happening. Henry has been in trouble before, but never like this.”

“These charges won’t stick. You and I both know that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people, Emma. We just have to be patient and let them do their investigation.”

“I know, it just that I thought I raised him better than this. He knows better than to hang around people like that. God,” Emma said and she groaned again, closing her eyes as she leaned her head against the back of the couch and gripped onto her glass with both hands. “I don’t even know what to do about any of this. I want to kill him, not legit kill him, but you know what I mean, don’t you?”

“He didn’t know something like this was going to happen,” Regina said in Henry’s defense. “Emma, he made a mistake.”

“He’s turning into his father,” Emma said and she groaned again. Regina could see she was on the very edge of a breakdown and though she’d been holding it together quite well, she was failing in her fight to keep from losing it completely. “I’ve done everything I could to make sure that he didn’t turn into his father and I fucking failed, Regina. I failed him. I’m a terrible mother.”

“You are a wonderful mother. Henry just made a mistake.”

“I know he’s only fifteen and he’s going to make mistakes. It’s a part of growing up, isn’t it, and he’s made his fair share of mistakes and poor choices already. But why does it have to be something this bad? Why couldn’t he have just been caught at the skate park after hours and brought home with maybe just a warning for trespassing or something?”

Emma was on her feet and pacing. Her lemonade was put on the coffee table and forgotten about as she muttered under her breath, whatever hold she had on keeping herself from breaking down completely breaking apart bit by bit. She was shaking as she balled her fists at her side and stopped pacing to look over at Regina.

“You know, I thought the fake ID’s were bad and that maybe he’d learned a lesson then, but I was wrong,” she said with a scoff. “How could he be so stupid, Regina?”

Regina stayed silent and watched as Emma continued to pace the living room floor. Emma’s body was shaking more and more with every step that she took until she stopped to pick up her drink, took a quick swig, and resumed her pacing, each step just a little quicker than the last until she abruptly stopped. Tears had started to fall as she looked down at Regina with desperation in her eyes.

“What if we’re wrong?” Emma asked. “What if he lied to us and he really did do these things and they lock him up? His whole life is going to be ruined.”

“We’re not wrong,” Regina said gently. “I don’t believe he lied. Not about something like this.”

“What if we’re wrong?” Emma asked again and she was off, leaving Regina no chance to get another word in edgewise. “Even if the other charges are dropped, what about that assault charge? He got into a fight with the guy who owned the house that they broke into. You saw Henry’s face! How bad was the other guy?”

“Bad.”

“An assault charge, especially if it sticks, it’ll keep him out of college and it’ll make it impossible for him to get a decent job. His life is still going to be ruined, Regina, and I feel like it’s my fault.”

“How is it your fault?”

Emma needed patience just as she needed someone to keep her level-headed. Though Regina wasn’t sure she was the right one to do just that because she too needed an anchor to keep her from drifting away and falling apart, she was there and she was all that Emma had in that very moment.

“I lied, kind of,” Emma whispered and Regina cocked her head to the side as she stared up at Emma who was now standing almost directly in front of her. “I was in Bangor and I did have this whole seminar thing to go to, but it was only supposed to be for one day. Yesterday. The guys and I, we decided months ago that we would rent out a couple of cabins and we were going to stay there for the weekend, get away from everything and just be free from our lives for a little while, you know?”

Regina frowned, but she didn’t say a word. It wasn’t her place to scold Emma for lying not only to her own son but to the deputy who had spoken with her once they finally got in contact with her.

“I trusted him,” Emma continued with a short, sharp laugh that made Regina tense. “I thought I could trust him. I thought he’d fucking learned the last time he took off to Portland and got picked up by the police. What if I can never trust him again after this? Especially after this?”

Regina swallowed thickly and felt utterly helpless and completely useless as she watched Emma’s whole body continue to shake and the tears that continued to fall freely down her flushed cheeks. Emma was falling apart completely and Regina wasn’t sure how to help her calm down or how, even when she didn’t know for sure what the outcome would be, just how she could convince Emma that she would take care of Henry and make damn sure of it that this wasn’t going to ruin his life.

She already knew how hard it’d be to get the assault charge dropped once he was found innocent of all the other charges against him. It would be an endless fight but she was not going to back down and was even prepared to take the entire thing to trial if she needed to. She was not going down without a fight, no matter how long it took. They would plead self-defense and hope for the best possible outcome after that. She just hoped to hell that they didn’t get the same cranky old judge either because if they even had a chance of winning this fight, it wasn’t going to be with Judge Stevenson, that was for sure.

Tentatively, Regina stood up from the couch and watched as Emma furiously wiped at her tears, her anger now settling in and quickly, too. All she wanted to do was reach out for her, to wrap her arms around her, to kiss away her tears and try, try somehow to convince her that everything was going to be all right. But she didn’t. She couldn’t.

She lost that right a long time ago.

And they were nowhere close to being back on that very path as they’d once been. Not yet.

“I can’t do this,” Emma sobbed as she turned to face Regina. “I can’t do this, Regina. I’m not--I’m not strong enough to keep it together for him anymore. I’ve been doing this alone for so long now and I--I just can’t--”

“I’m here, Emma,” she whispered as Emma’s body quaked. With some trepidation, she reached out and pulled Emma into a hug. And she held on tight. “I’m here,” she whispered into her ear. “You don’t have to this alone anymore. I’m here and I am not going anywhere.”

Emma’s hands were warm as she placed them on Regina’s hips for a few seconds before she wrapped her arms around her waist, holding her back just as tightly. Regina’s heart was pounding hard in her chest and after a moment passed, she leaned back and lifted her hands to Emma’s face. She smiled as she wiped away at Emma’s tears with her thumbs and stared deep into Emma’s watery eyes. She didn’t bother to try and stop herself now as she was completely lost staring into Emma’s eyes, wondering just what the hell she was doing.

“This kind of feels like déjà vu, doesn’t it?”

“A little,” Regina whispered, smiling before she shook her head. It did feel just like that, déjà vu, of when Emma had first told her she was pregnant with Henry. This was different, though it still involved Emma’s son in a way that brought them to that very moment. “You don’t have to do this alone, Emma,” she said, her hands still on her cheeks, her thumbs still brushing away the tears as they fell upon Emma’s cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere until this is all over, okay? I promise.”

It happened without a second thought. Regina chose that very moment to close the short distance between them and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Emma’s quivering lips. It happened so suddenly that they almost immediately pulled back in surprise and Regina ready with an apology about to slip but, but the words didn’t quite make it that far, never quite finding their way past her still lips. She exhaled slowly as she idly wiped at a few more of Emma’s tears and then let her hands fall, resting upon Emma’s shoulders, all too aware of the sudden shift that just happened between them.

Emma did not let go, her hands still resting at the small of Regina’s back, arms still firmly wrapped around her. Emma’s eyes dropped down to Regina’s lips for a second before she looked into her eyes again and swallowed hard. Regina made the same mistake of doing that too, unable to keep from glancing down at Emma’s lips. The urge, that craving for another kiss, for _more_ , it was almost too much to endure. It felt like torture and yet before she could put some distance between them, she gave in to her urges and lifted a hand, slipping it under Emma’s hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her in for a crushing, frantic kiss.

Words were failing her. She wanted to apologize. For that kiss. For _everything_.

The grip Emma had on her tightened as she moved her hands back to rest upon her hips. It nearly ended the kiss as there was a hint of hesitation from Emma before she sucked on her bottom lip and pulled her impossibly close, their bodies swaying and molding together as they kissed deeply. Desperately. All of those years being apart, all the pain and the heartache they’d endured, it crumbled and disappeared in that very kiss. It was more than just desperate, it was shattering and they both gasped when Emma pulled back first.

“What are we doing?” Regina whispered and Emma laughed, pressing her forehead to hers and kept a firm hold on her hips. Regina breathed out shakily as Emma slowly smoothed her hands over her hips and to her lower back and shivered when Emma’s fingers dipped beneath the hem of her shirt that had come untucked and brushed them along her skin. “Emma?”

Emma gulped and Regina closed her eyes, ready for rejection. For every reason why they shouldn’t be doing this right now, for every reason why it was wrong. Why it wasn’t the right time because it didn’t seem like either of them were ready for that yet. Emma didn’t back away.

“Not okay?” she whispered weakly, her soft breath falling upon Regina’s lips. “Is it not okay that we kissed, Regina?”

Regina shook her head once before pulling Emma in for another kiss, conveying her answer that way because once again, words were failing her. Upon the hesitation she found in that kiss, she uttered the words, “it is absolutely okay,” before she kissed Emma again. And Emma, who had this way of just holding her and kissing her that swept the whole world out from under her feet, did just that.

Nothing could stop that moan that slipped out completely unrestrained when Emma deftly slipped a leg between hers. It elicited an automatic rock of the hips as she ground down on Emma’s thigh. Desperation wasn’t all that was there, it was a need, pure and unadulterated need. Want.

Regina swore she’d felt Emma’s fingers grip just a little tighter.

Was it wrong? It certainly didn’t feel that way.

Was it right? It certainly did feel that way.

Regina felt weak in that moment, her legs nearly giving out on her. She clutched onto Emma. Her lifeline. The very reason her heart was about to leap from her chest. How easy would it be to just slip back into that life she had with Emma? Where moments like this weren’t times she questioned at all. And it scared her.

It really, truly scared her.

Forgive her for she’s stuck in that stage of not accepting the fact that the universe is telling her something, loud and clear. It had been that way for years.

Maybe it’s what made her kiss Emma just that little bit more. Just that little bit harder. Just that little more desperately. Maybe it’s what kept her from listening to her conscience as it screamed at her to stop. She didn’t want to stop. She was craving more. She _needed_ more. She didn’t have any fight left in her to push Emma away, to stop. Ten years without Emma Swan had felt like a lifetime too long and she just wanted to kiss her again and again, to kiss away the pain, to let a kiss fill the void in her heart.

Seconds passed between each kiss as one kiss turned into another and then another. Each time they parted, they breathed out heavily, clutching on to one another, before they succumbed to the growing heated passion building between them. Each kiss was deeper and lasted longer than the last. Regina, still grasping with one hand at the back of Emma’s neck, sunk both hands into her soft blonde hair as her legs nearly gave out on her completely. Emma didn’t let her fall. Her grip was firm, tight, and steady.

Regina sighed against Emma’s lips, her eyes closed tight because she was afraid if she opened them she’d awake from this dream and she wasn’t ready for it to end yet. She let her hands fall from the tangled mess she’d made of Emma’s hair and she smoothed her palms over Emma’s shoulders and down over her strong biceps. She gasped quietly as she held on tight and felt herself falling. Falling. Falling into the abyss.

Everything was happening too quickly. It was happening much too quickly. They needed to stop, they needed to step back and clear their heads, to listen to those endless thoughts in their head and not only listen to their hearts and their bodies.

And she really didn’t want to. She wanted to continue to fall down that abyss with Emma as her lifeline and never come back to the surface again. So, she gave up and gave in, fully and completely, letting her heart and body win over the constant struggle she was having with her head and the thoughts swarming around inside of it.

She gave up and gave herself completely to the only woman she’d ever loved.

Because what else was a fool in love supposed to do?


	18. Chapter 18

She could feel the steady beat of Emma’s heart in time with her own just as she could feel the warmth of Emma’s hands, wanting to feel them everywhere all at once. She felt like she was floating and falling, flying and drowning, all at once.

And still, Emma didn’t stop. She didn’t pull away. She kissed her again, slowly, deeply, languidly drawing it out as her hands began to tug on the front of her shirt where it was still tucked in her slacks. And at the first touch of Emma’s hands against the bare skin of her abdomen, she trembled as her body quaked in need.

Regina threw her head back, her short nails digging into Emma’s arms as Emma’s lips trailed a blazing path over her chin, her jaw, and down her neck. She didn’t stop her and she didn’t pull away just as she didn’t let go of the hold she had on Emma’s arms, either. She wanted this, she wanted Emma, and this? This had been a long time coming.

It still felt like a dream.

A moan slipped out, reverberating from her core as Emma nipped over her pulse point, her hands lifting to unbutton her vest. Her heart thundered harder and she moved a hand to grip at the front of Emma’s plain white t-shirt just below the collar and Emma breathed out heavily over her marked skin and it sent an erotic wave of pleasure course through her. Her hips rolled forward on their own accord and she let out a breath she didn’t think she’d been holding as Emma undid the last button on her vest and it fell open freely.

The heated look in Emma’s eyes, pure unadulterated lust, and Regina drowned in them from the moment Emma pulled back and looked at her. It was in that moment she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold back, that she wouldn’t be able to fight it. She didn’t _want_ to fight it. She gripped at the front of Emma’s shirt a little tighter before she flattened her palm against Emma’s chest, her eyes drifting down to look at Emma’s lips as her hand moved up and around to the back of her neck.

It was by far the most intense kiss they’d had, possibly ever, and Regina moaned as Emma effortlessly took the lead, guiding Regina backward through the living room with her hips pushing against hers and her fingers hurriedly unbuttoning Regina’s white dress shirt. She gave up on the last three and pulled the shirt apart. Regina gasped in surprise, her body flush, goosebumps rising from her skin that was now exposed to the cooler air.

She didn’t even care about her ruined shirt. Her focus was on Emma. Solely on Emma.

Regina gasped into Emma’s open mouth and gripped at her shirt as they continued to stumble across the living room floor together. She could feel a bit of hesitation on Emma’s part and, choosing not to dwell on it, she slipped her hands under the hem of Emma’s t-shirt and raked her short nails over Emma’s smooth abdomen just above the waist of her jeans. The touch elicited a moan past Emma’s lips. Regina slipped her hands further up her toned abdomen, taking the shirt with her as she went, and when Emma pulled back at the moment her fingers grazed along the edge of her bra, Regina urgently pulled the t-shirt up further.

Emma lifted her arms with a small laugh as Regina pulled the shirt up and over her head. She laughed again as she shook her hair free and took the t-shirt from Regina’s hands before she could carelessly toss it onto the floor nearby. Emma placed a single finger to Regina’s lips, a wordless reminder to be quiet. Emma smiled as she reached for Regina’s hands and led her into the bedroom--the very room they shared for those six wonderful years together--and they were locked almost instantly in another heated, intense kiss before they even crossed the threshold.

Emma groaned as Regina gripped tightly at her hips and she pulled back from Regina’s lips as she shut the door behind her. Her eyes were intense, dark, and full of lascivious longing that had Regina’s body flooding in intense desire.

“As hot as you look in this whole outfit,” Emma breathed out heavily as she pulled off the vest and tossed it haphazardly behind her, “it really has to go.”

Regina bit her bottom lip as she raised her hands to pull off her shirt as Emma’s eyes raked over her torso and she hungrily licked over her lips as she stepped forward, pulling the shirt off of Regina quickly before it too joined the vest on the floor. Emma leaned in first, her hands moving to gently cup the back of Regina’s head and pulled her in for yet another intoxicating kiss.

“Fuck,” Emma murmured as she pulled back. She took a step back, her eyes hungrily raking over Regina’s nearly naked torso. Regina saw the hesitation settle in seconds later. “It, you know, it’s not too late, to uh, stop,” she said softly, eyes wide. “We can stop.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Hell no, but I will if you--”

“Then do shut up, Emma, and kiss me.”

_Touch me. Make me come undone._

Regina was trembling in anticipation, in yearning. She grasped at Emma’s belt buckle as their lips met in a languid, sensual kiss. A shiver ran through her body as Emma trailed her fingertips lightly up along her spine and deftly unclipped her bra. She moaned, biting Emma’s bottom lip and then sucked at it a little hard as she fumbled with Emma’s belt buckle blindly. Her fingers were light, dancing along Regina’s skin as she guided the straps of her bra ever so slowly down her arms.

Another moan fell past Regina’s lips as Emma kissed down along the column of her neck, her hands moving to grip at Regina’s waist, short nails digging gently into the skin just above the curve of her hips. Regina’s head fell back as Emma licked a line down the center of her chest, from her collarbone down deep into the valley of her bare breasts. Emma’s hands coursed along a slow path as her lips continued to kiss over heated flesh unhurriedly and Regina grasped at Emma’s shoulders, quaking with every linger of her lips.

Her hips rolled forward on their own accord once more when Emma languidly kissed along the curve of her left breast and breathed out, her breath warm against her skin, teasing at a hardening nipple. She looked down at Emma and their eyes met, her heart racing impossibly faster and about to burst in her chest. A smile slipped out in between on kiss and then another and Emma wrapped those delectable lips around Regina’s nipple, that smile still in place.

“Emma.”

Her name, it was all just but a whisper that fell upon her lips, a cry of pleasure following right after. Emma placed a hand firmly on her back between her shoulder blades and pulled her in closer. Regina gasped as Emma sucked hard, their eyes still locked in an intense and longing gaze. She shook her head and slipped her hands through the strands of Emma’s long hair and guided her back up to her lips, kissing her hard in yearning.

A moan rumbled past Emma’s lips and her hands grasped at Regina’s hips, pulling her in close. The kiss turned frantic as Regina smoothed her hands down Emma’s shoulders and slipped under the elastic band of her sports bra. Emma leaned back, dipping her own fingers under the front of the band and helped Regina pull it free from her body. She was smiling as she shook her hair out, the messy curls and strands falling down her bare back, and Regina could not seem to take her eyes off of Emma’s kiss-swollen lips as her hands went to the belt buckle once more on Emma’s too tight jeans.

Emma moved her hands to help her, the clasp seeming impossible until Emma’s nimble fingers had it undone within seconds. A laugh escaped past Emma’s lips and she didn’t take her eyes off of Regina once, her lids heavy and eyes shining darkly with pure unbridled lust. A powerful wave of pleasure flooded through Regina’s body as Emma guided her hands to the waist of the too tight jeans. Regina glanced down between them, watching as she dipped her fingers under and began to tug them down over Emma’s hips, bit by bit.

It was overwhelming just being so close to Emma, being so close to naked flesh that she only remembered from her dreams for so long, and it was overwhelming because this was real and unlike in her dreams, she could touch her.

Her legs wobbled slightly, weak, as Emma shimmied out of her too tight jeans and kicked them aside, grinning as she stood before Regina in nothing more than her sexy red panties. Regina was mesmerized, her hands trembling as she smoothed her palms over Emma’s hips and over the slight ripple of Emma’s abdomen, the muscles tightening, reacting to her lingering touch. Regina bit her bottom lip, her eyes trained on her own hands as they traveled up Emma’s body, already discovering some new scars mixed in with old.

Time, it seemed, had slowed down as Regina palmed Emma’s breasts, her thumbs slipping over semi-erect nipples as Emma grasped at her waist, her tongue licking over her bottom lip as she gasped at Regina’s subtle touch. Regina lifted her eyes up to look into Emma’s and she was taken back by how beautiful Emma truly was, especially in that very moment. She had never seen a sight such as that--well, not ever because she had with Emma many times before--but it had been so long that it felt that way.

It _still_ felt like a dream.

Regina slipped her hands back up around to the back of Emma’s neck, pulling her in for another languid kiss. She just could not stop kissing Emma. Falling, becoming lost within this woman who had stolen her heart so many years ago, being consumed and consuming her, it was all she could think of in that very moment. It was all that she could do.

Because it still felt like a dream she’d wake up from any moment now.

She was struggling to stay standing, holding on to Emma, leaning her body into Emma’s as close as she could manage as Emma slipped her hands over her hips, up her back and down again. She gasped as Emma deftly slipped her hands down the back of her pants and over the curve of her ass smoothly. She was still trembling, unable to stop, her legs nothing more than jelly as Emma slipped her hands out of her pants and surprised her as she grabbed a hold of her by her ass and lifted her effortlessly into her arms. She moaned as Emma laughed and walked the few steps to the bed before she eased Regina down slowly.

Her chest was heaving, breath heavy, heart pounding harder than before as Emma knelt on the floor by her feet and gently, gingerly slipped one high heel off and then the other. Emma let them fall to the floor and likely under the bed, but Regina wasn’t looking anywhere else but deep into Emma’s eyes that hadn’t left hers since Emma had lifted her into her arms and then placed her down on the edge of the bed.

It was quiet in the room, save for the sound of their heavy breathing, and Emma stood up and smiled as she pulled the elastic off her wrist and pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail. When Regina tried to stand up, Emma shook her head no and knelt on the bed between her partially spread legs, a salacious grin dancing over her lips as she fingered at the button on Regina’s pants. Regina pulled herself back on the bed until she was in the middle, Emma following as she flicked the button undone and tentatively pulled down the dainty zipper.

They didn’t take their eyes off of each other as Emma eased Regina’s pants down over her hips, waiting for Regina to lift up from the bed before she continued to slide them down her legs. Regina shuddered as she leaned back on her elbows and watched as Emma just tossed the pants to the floor behind her. Another shiver coursed through her body as Emma lightly trailed her fingertips up both of her legs, stopping just at her knees to push them apart a little more.

Gods, she was so _wet_.

Her fingers curled around the duvet and her head rolled back as Emma languidly licked along the inside of her thigh just above her knee and let out a low moan before she tried her tongue up along the inside of her thigh, stopping just mere inches from Regina’s center. Emma lifted her head and with a wicked little grin dancing over her lips, she hooked her fingers around the waist of Regina’s thong and began to ease it down over her hips. Another moan fell past Emma’s lips as Regina bit her bottom one when she felt the material stick to her core as Emma continued to slowly slide them down the top of her thighs.

Regina just couldn’t stop trembling as wave after wave of pleasure coursed its way through her body. She waited, with bated breath, for Emma’s hands to be on her once more, to feel that touch of hers so soft, so sure. It was a feat in itself not to show Emma just how _desperate_ she was in that very moment.

Emma’s touch was light and she delicately traced her fingertips along one ankle, then the other, before she exhaled with a shuddery breath and began a slow ascent up Regina’s legs. With a small shake of her head, suddenly she stopped and slipped off the edge of the bed. Regina looked at her curiously, her disappointment quickly fading as she watched Emma hook her fingers around her red panties and swiftly pull them off. She let them drop, pooling around her feet and she grinned as she knelt between Regina’s partially spread legs and placed her hand on each knee, gently coaxing them apart.

Nobody had ever made Regina feel the way that Emma could even with just the simplest of little touches. It made her realize that it had been far too long since she’d been with anyone and it caused a wave of anxiety to crush her momentarily. She had to chase away the thoughts of the last people she’d been with instantly. She had to chase away the insecurity of being with Emma again, of being completely vulnerable with her as she was in that very moment. She had to do nothing other than lose herself within the moment, within Emma, and worry about the rest of the world later.

She had always trusted Emma, especially in the beginning when she was nothing more than an innocent young adult experiencing everything for the first time with her. Time didn’t change that. She still trusted Emma with every ounce of her being. She still trusted that Emma would never take things too far, too fast, or even take advantage of her in her vulnerable state. Just as she knew that there was not one other single person in the whole world that could make her feel the way Emma could with just a single, simple touch.

They were both so very vulnerable with a lot of barriers stripped down completely. She could see Emma fighting something, just what she wasn’t sure, but she knew it wasn’t too much different than the only fight she was having within herself. She coaxed Emma to continue, placing her hands over Emma’s as they stayed still just above her knees.

“Emma,” she murmured softly as she leaned forward a little. “Come here.”

“Still so very bossy, aren’t you?” Emma’s laughter was rich and it pulled her in. “Regina, I--”

“Please?” Regina laughed lightly. “Please. I need you.”

She needed Emma to really take charge, to make that next move. She could see just that hint of hesitation in Emma’s eyes as if something was holding her back, or she still wasn’t sure. She raked her eyes over Emma’s nude body in feverish desire, wanting nothing more than to reach out to touch her. She rubbed her hands gently over Emma’s, a silent plea for her to take the lead.

Emma languidly smoothed her hands up Regina’s thighs as she shifted a little closer. Regina shakily lifted her hands off of hers and laid back on the bed, her eyes locked with Emma’s in a longing, heady gaze. She shuddered as Emma placed a kiss to one knee and then the other, a small laugh escaping past her kiss-swollen lips as she moved to straddle Regina’s hips. She placed her hands on the mattress beside Regina’s shoulders and dipped down to steal a quick kiss.

Regina was so completely lost in the moment and lost in Emma. She inhaled deeply, surrounded by the scent of Emma as Emma dipped down once again for another kiss. Regina reached up with her right hand to cup the back of Emma’s neck and she pulled her down tenderly, holding her there to prolong the kiss.

The kiss deepened as Emma moved to lay at her side and Regina’s body came alive with every little touch. It came alive in ways she hadn’t felt in so very long and she was so _eager_ for more. She had almost forgotten how addicted she was to the way Emma’s fingertips glided across her skin, teasing, not quite touching her where she wanted and needed it most. As they kissed slowly and thoroughly, unhurriedly, Emma deftly slipped a leg between hers, eliciting a soft moan that reverberated through her body. With the hand still firmly gripping at the back of Emma’s neck, she moved it down over Emma’s shoulder and dug her short nails into Emma’s skin as she pulled her flush against her body.

Regina hooked her leg around Emma’s hip, holding her right where she was and she felt her body letting go completely as Emma moaned and sucked on her bottom lip before releasing it, ending the kiss. They all but melted into one another, their hands unhurriedly touching, caressing, neither in no rush to reacquaint themselves with one another after a decade apart.

She loved when Emma took full control. She never had a problem with relinquishing that control, to trust Emma completely, to let her take the lead and to set the pace between them whenever they made love. Though she was growing ever so impatient now, and she sunk her fingers into Emma’s hair where her ponytail had started to come loose and pulled her back in for another heated kiss. She could feel Emma’s lips curl into a smile in the seconds before Emma pulled back yet again and she dropped a single kiss to Regina’s lips and shifted as she began to kiss down her neck, dragging a hand down Regina’s side where she teasingly drew a line from her hip to her breast and back down again with a single finger.

“Em- _ma_ ,” she moaned as Emma’s lips skimmed across her breasts before she wrapped them around an erect nipple that was straining for attention. It sent a flood of pleasure quaking through her body all at once. “Gods…”

She could feel Emma’s smirk against her skin just before Emma released her hard nipple with an audible pop. Emma shifted her body and settled down between Regina’s legs, rolling and grinding her hips down against Regina with a quiet grunt as she lifted her head to look at Regina from behind hooded, glassy eyes. Slowly Regina scraped her nails over Emma’s back and shoulders, her hands trembling as she smoothed them down Emma’s side and over her abdomen and just shy of her breasts. Emma leaned back a little to allow Regina a moment just to touch her.

Emma’s body reacted instantly to her touch, muscles rippling under fingertips that grew bolder, confident with every achingly slow second that passed. Regina’s fingers skimmed along the soft curve of Emma’s breasts and she could feel Emma’s heart thundering in her chest. Every dip and curve of Emma’s body was still so familiar even with new scars and a slightly different shape to her toned muscles. Emma breathed out heavily, her eyes raking over Regina’s body beneath her, thoroughly drinking in the very sight of her and she dipped her head back down suddenly to capture Regina’s lips in a hard, crushing kiss.

It felt like a whirlwind with them both completely lost in the moment and within in each other. Regina gave in, defeated against her fight within herself, and lost herself solely in Emma.

It was the way that Emma sucked her bottom lip between her teeth that intensified everything. What had been slow, a gentle reacquaintance between lovers went to something far beyond anything Regina had ever experienced before. It went from slow and sensual to hard and dirty and fast. Emma’s fingers slipped over her folds, her touch no longer teasing as she circled the tips of her fingers around Regina’s throbbing clit and Regina arched up into Emma’s hand, struggling to keep the moans that escaped quiet and under control.

There was no staying in control when she longed for Emma’s very touch. Longed to kiss her, to touch her, to be taken and take. There was no staying in control when she longed to come undone in ways only Emma could make her.

Emma was the one to end the heated, sloppy kiss, pulling back from Regina’s lips so suddenly it made her breath catch in her chest. Their eyes locked as Emma unexpectedly plunged two long, slender fingers deep inside Regina’s cunt and it elicited a shuddery moan past Regina’s parted lips. She spread her legs wider, her hands falling to her sides and her fingers gripping at the duvet as Emma sank her fingers in knuckle deep, each thrust a little harder than the last. Regina just could not take her eyes off of Emma and even in the dimly lit room, she could see the intensity in Emma’s eyes. She could see how prominent the green was in them in that light and in the heated moment between them. Years hadn’t taken away from the fact that Emma was the most beautiful woman Regina had ever laid her eyes on in all her life.

She threw her head back hard against the mattress as Emma dipped down and wrapped her warm, wet lips around a hard nipple, her fingers not stilling for a second as she continued to fuck her hard and deep. Emma sucked hard on her nipple before pulling back, tugging at it with her teeth for a second before releasing it. Regina shuddered as Emma’s fingers continued to plunge deep inside of her, her clit throbbing and untouched in the last several minutes, driving her to the brink of insanity.

Emma licked, nipped, sucked, and kissed her way down Regina’s abdomen ever so slowly, pausing only to glance up at her from behind hooded, lustful eyes. With every plunge, Regina was closer to the edge, and with every stilling of her fingers just for those few minuscule seconds, Regina’s hips jerked and lifted up from the bed, her body begging and craving more, more, more. She gripped at the duvet a little tighter and managed, only just, to lift her head to watch as Emma deliberately and tentatively licked a line down from her navel to her clit. Instinctively, her hands went back to Emma’s head just as Emma withdrew her fingers and slipped her tongue inside of Regina teasingly.

Time was proving not to be a hindrance as Emma could still cause her to come undone with just a few licks and a few flicks of her tongue against her clit. She could even feel as Emma’s lips curled into a salacious grin before she teasingly ran her tongue over her folds and dipped the tip inside of her shallowly. Each teasing lick because faster, swifter, harder. Every moan that fell past Emma’s lips reverberated through her core and thundered through her body and she closed her eyes tight, stars flowing from the darkness behind her eyelids, and she held back the screams and the moans that nearly slipped out as her orgasm ripped blindly through her without warning, catching her completely off-guard.

Emma didn’t let up, relentless almost in the way she sucked harder on Regina’s throbbing, sensitive clit and when she deftly slipped two fingers inside of her again, Regina could feel another orgasm building quickly before the first had run its course, and she was tumbling over the edge into an endless abyss of pleasure as another flooded through her body with an intensity she had never quite felt before. She saw literal stars as she kept her eyes shut tight and threw her head back harder against the mattress as her legs clamped tight around Emma’s head.

Regina murmured incoherently under her breath as her body slowly began to relax and just ride the high that came with a double orgasm. Her legs fell apart as she released the hold she had on Emma and she blinked open her eyes, gasping as Emma teasingly licked at her overly sensitive clit. Her hips jerked and she moaned as she had to reach down to gentle ease Emma away. Emma shook her head, breathing out against her heated and wet flesh before she lightly licked over her folds. Regina shook her head no, a silent signal to Emma that she needed a moment. Just a moment.

A hum of delight escaped in a rush as Emma’s nimble fingers danced along her damp skin at the apex of her thighs and she moaned as Emma began to trail feather-light kisses up along her lower abdomen just below her navel, her fingers gripping at Regina’s hips to keep her still. She could barely keep her eyes open as Emma nuzzled her nose against her stomach and she let out a content sigh as the last little earthquakes from her orgasm continued to course throughout her body.

As Emma crawled up beside her, she turned as if on instinct just as Emma leaned in to capture her lips in an incredibly slow and sensual kiss. Regina leaned into her, her body still chasing the high of her orgasms and she moaned as Emma kissed her deeper, her fingers sticky as she grasped onto Regina’s hip tightly.

“Mm,” Emma murmured, pulling back just a little and she waited for Regina to open her eyes and look at her. Emma smiled down at her and shook her head with a small laugh. “That was--”

“Incredible,” Regina finished breathlessly. _Unexpected_.

Emma lifted a hand and stroked her fingers through Regina’s hair, her smile fading bit by bit as noticeable panic started to settle in. “Regina,” she whispered shakily. “Was it…too much?” She gulped when Regina didn’t immediately respond. “Too fast? Too soon?”

“No,” Regina replied with a slight tremble in her voice. She wasn’t sure if it was because her body had just experienced such an incredible high or if it was because she was scared of what would come next. “Definitely not too much. A little fast and a little too soon, yes, but not unwanted.”

“I know we aren’t even there yet but I--”

“Emma,” Regina said as she stopped her, a small smile curling over her lips as Emma froze. “I know we aren’t there yet, but I wanted it. I wanted you. I needed you.”

“Okay.”

“I still do.”

“Okay.”

It was just that simple response from Emma that flipped a switch inside of Regina and suddenly, filled with renewed energy and no longer afraid of what would come next, she pulled Emma back in for another slow, sensual kiss. Her hands roamed over the soft surface of Emma’s skin, starting at her shoulders and down her arms, to her abdomen, up to her breasts and then down to her hips. She ached to touch Emma everywhere all at once and yet, keeping in time with the pace that Emma had set between them, she moved slowly, savoring every second of every sweepingly light touch upon Emma’s flushed skin. Teasing her just as Emma had teased her before.

In between each kiss, Regina found it impossible to take her eyes off of Emma’s face, drinking in the sight of every emotion that Emma allowed to surface freely. The most obvious was pleasure and Emma was thoroughly enjoying Regina’s simple and light teasing touch. The other was longing as it was clear she was craving and chasing after the very same pleasure Regina had just felt. But there was one she could see though Emma was trying hard to conceal it the most and that was pure lust as she wasn’t ready to call it love again.

Not when it’s had been so many years since the last time they were together just like this. And definitely not when they still hadn’t talked about things between them.

Talking could wait for another time, another place, another day.

Emma was right. They weren't there yet.

Regina closed her eyes, once again just savoring the moment. How many times had she dreamt of being able to be this close to Emma again? To be able to touch her again, to kiss her, to taste her? How many nights had it been where she fantasized about this very moment of being with Emma again?

Far too many to count.

A deep and primal urge came over her so suddenly and she moved to roll Emma over on to her back, taking her by surprise as she quickly straddled Emma’s hips. Her hands moved just as quickly, gripping tight on to Emma’s wrists as she pinned them down against the mattress just above Emma’s head. That primal urge, the desire, the longer, it melted away any last bit of exhaustion that had taken a toll on her throughout the day. A low growl escaped past her lips when Emma rolled her hips up against hers and she shook her head as she stared down at her with a lustful gaze.

Two could play the teasing game. Regina held Emma steady and still, pinning her hips down with a little more force than what was deemed necessary as Emma wasn’t exactly struggling, just squirming beneath her. She simply stared down at Emma in wonder, watching as Emma licked over her kiss-swollen lips, her eyes filled with nothing more than lust as she silently begged and urged for her to continue. She could feel the heat coming from Emma’s core as she rolled her hips down a little more and it sparked yet another deep and primal urge, one that left her wanting to do nothing more than to ravish Emma completely.

“Fuck,” Emma murmured breathlessly under her breath as she tried to move her arms. Regina’s grip just became a little tighter. “Regina--”

“Shh,” she whispered. “Just let me…savor this moment.”

Emma laughed, “You’re not only bossy but you’re still such a tease, aren’t you?”

“Eager to find out just how much?”

Emma whimpered as Regina gave her a pointed glare just as she released the hold she had on Emma’s wrists. Emma didn’t move, she only clasped her hands together above her head and sucked in a deep and shuddering breath as she waited for Regina to make the next move. Regina knew that she was fighting every urge to take back the control she’d had before and it was giving her an intoxicating amount of satisfaction just knowing that Emma wanted and needed her as much as she wanted and needed Emma in that very moment.

As intoxicating as it was, it was still so very overwhelming at the same time. She wanted to touch Emma everywhere at once, to trace each dip and curve of her body not only with her fingertips but with her lips and tongue. She wanted to rediscover every bit of this woman she was still so very much in love with and she wanted to take her time and spend hours rememorizing every inch of her.

Her eyes trailed over Emma’s naked body below her and she skimmed her fingertips along the slid curve of her abdomen just above her hips. She bit her bottom lip as Emma’s breath hitched in her chest at the simple, lingering touch. She drank in every inch of Emma she could see in the dim light of the bedroom and she lifted a hand to touch at the small and deep circular scar on Emma’s right shoulder. Her brow furrowed in concern and Emma just shook her head as she placed a hand over Regina’s tenderly before moving it from her shoulder down to her breast, a small grunt of urging escaping as she needed Regina to touch her elsewhere.

Slowly Regina licked over her lips before she leaned down to capture Emma’s in a deep and longing kiss, her fingers pulling hard at a hard nipple as she placed her other hand on the bed by Emma’s side. At the first urging of Emma’s hands pulling her down more, she pulled back from the kiss with a small shake of her head and raised an eyebrow pointedly. A warning. Emma just exhaled a sharp sigh of frustration and lifted both hands back above her head, submitting completely to her once again.

With a swift dip of her head, she began to rain feather-light kisses over Emma’s lips, over her chin and down the smooth column of her neck. She nipped at Emma’s pulse point and felt rather than heard the moan that escaped as she licked over the spot she’d just nipped. Her fingers pulled and teased at the hard nipple, eliciting another moan past Emma’s lips and she continued on her descent down Emma’s neck, licking along her collarbone as her fingers continued to tease her erect and sensitive nipple. She pulled just a little harder and it pulled out another moan from Emma, one that was deep and throaty and one that rippled through Emma’s body in a steady wave.

Another moan, a whimper almost, as Regina lifted up from Emma’s hips and moved to kneel between Emma’s lips as her lips descended lower, her teeth nipping at the soft flesh of Emma’s breast teasingly until she reached a nipple that was straining for attention, the other still being teased by her fingers as she rolled it between her forefinger and thumb. She exhaled softly, her eyes trained on the hard, pink nipple just begging to be sucked hard between her lips.

She had missed the taste of Emma’s skin, though she hadn’t forgotten just how it tasted. She had missed the way Emma squirmed whenever she nipped at her with her teeth and she had missed the way that Emma’s body felt so electrically charged just from a simple, teasing touch. She had definitely missed the way that Emma would moan her name and the way she’d murmur erotically and in sheer frustration when Regina did nothing but continue to tease her. She had missed the simple feel of Emma’s skin against her own and just those thoughts alone had her head swimming in a host of memories, old and new, and her body craving _more_.

Slow and teasing was no longer at the forefront of her mind as she teased the tip of her tongue over one nipple before moving to the other. She unhurriedly licked a line over Emma’s abdomen just below the curve of her breasts, a hand trailing down and over Emma’s hip languidly before she scraped a nail in a line along the top of Emma’s closed cropped and neatly trimmed pubic hair. She shifted down lower on the bed between Emma’s legs, inhaling deeply before she hungrily licked over her lips, her eyes dropping to look down between Emma’s legs with only one thought on her mind now. She had already felt just how turned on and _wet_ Emma was and now that she could _see_ just how turned on and ready she was, it only caused her own arousal to heighten tenfold, and the hunger she had for her to become almost unbearable.

Emma shuddered as Regina shifted once more between her legs, running her hands up along Emma’s inner thighs before bringing her fingers to her lips. She licked over them languorously before bringing her hand between Emma’s legs. She exhaled shakily as she deftly slipped her fingers through Emma’s swollen and wet folds. The heady, musky scent of Emma’s arousal suddenly seemed to fill the air and she licked over her bottom lip once more, focusing her sole attention on Emma’s needs. Slowly she moved her fingers up to Emma’s throbbing clit that was dauntingly teasing her and it pulled out yet another deep, throaty moan past Emma’s lips.

“Regina.”

It was the way she said her name, huskily and needy, with pure hunger shining in her eyes as she looked down at her that spurred Regina on. It brought that primal urge right back to the surface and she continued in her ministrations on Emma’s clit. Emma urged her up, a hand instantly on top of Regina’s to keep it there between her legs and she pulled Regina in for a deep yet lazy and sloppy kiss. Emma’s hips jerked with every slow circle of Regina’s fingers on her clit, her legs spreading wider as she pressed her hand against Regina’s a little harder, urging for more.

Even when she wasn’t actively taking control, she still had to have some of it. The thought that Emma could never fully submit caused a short yet deep rumbling laugh to flutter through her. She pulled back from Emma’s delectable lips, grinning as she leaned back and promptly removed Emma’s hand from on top of hers, an eyebrow once again rising in silent warning to leave it all under her sole control.

Emma was so _wet_ that she was just absolutely glistening, her cunt just open and waiting to be devoured completely. Regina leaned in a little closer, inhaling the strong and musky intoxicating scent of Emma’s arousal. She exhaled as she settled down comfortably between Emma’s legs and she watched as Emma’s cunt responded to the sudden burst of air, clenching and quivering as her body desperately begged for release.

“Regina,” Emma whimpered. “Please.”

The desperation, the longing, the need so clear in Emma’s voice she couldn’t hold back a second longer. She knew Emma wanted it hard and fast, that she was craving the quick release that would come, but Regina was still so lost in that moment, the surreal way it all still felt, that she just wanted to take her time and quite literally drink Emma in. She grinned as she glanced up at Emma very briefly and watched as Emma leaned up on her elbows, her eyes dark as her pupils grew in size, and her breath falling out in short gasps as she trembled in anticipation.

Regina raked her nails through the short and coarse patch of hair over Emma’s pubic bone and blew against her cunt once more before she took her first true taste of the woman who had done nothing but haunt her dreams and memories for far too long. Using her thumbs to spread Emma’s lips apart, she licked over her wholly, teasingly, drinking her in completely. She shifted as she leaned back, exhaling sharply as Emma trembled and quaked. She slipped her arms under Emma’s thighs and draped them over her shoulders just mere seconds before Emma tried to clamp them tight around her head. She licked over her cunt once more, moaning at the heady taste of her arousal.

She tightened her grip on Emma’s hips and fixed her mouth back over her core, her tongue slipping and teasing over her throbbing and swollen clit that was peaking and pleading for more. She smoothed her hands up over Emma’s lower abdomen in an attempt to relax her. Every swirl of her tongue against Emma’s clit caused her hips to jerk and her grip to tighten just that little more.

Gods, nobody had ever come close to Emma Swan. She knew that before just as she always knew it, but it was becoming so much clearer now as she lay there between Emma’s legs, her tongue burying itself deep inside Emma’s hot, wet cunt. Nobody tasted quite the way that Emma did either, just as nobody ever responded the way Emma did was every touch, with every caress, and every kiss. Nobody else made her feel the way Emma could, to make her quiver with a single touch. And nobody had ever looked at her the way Emma always had, like she was the only one that Emma saw in the whole universe and the only one that mattered most--aside from her son.

“Hey,” Emma whispered as she moved her hands back down to Regina’s head and gently ran her fingers through her hair, pulling her away from her thoughts and back to her. “Where did you go just now?”

“Nowhere,” Regina replied and she exhaled softly before moving to kiss along the inside of Emma’s left thigh. “I was just thinking about you, about…us.”

“Good things, I hope?” Emma chuckled lightly, her voice a bit breathless. “You kind of just--you just left me hanging here, Gina.”

Regina chuckled and playfully bit at the soft skin on Emma’s inner thigh. “I do apologize. It wasn’t intentional, Emma. Now, where was I?”

“Right about…” Emma trailed off as she guided Regina’s head right back to where she wanted it, needed it, and moaned as Regina teasingly swiped her tongue over her folds once more. “…there.”


	19. Chapter 19

The early morning sunlight that cascaded in through the window wasn’t what had woken Regina up. It was the warm body against her back and the arm over her middle that did. Her brain was still foggy with sleep--the few hours she’d managed to get at least--and as she blinked open her eyes and glanced down at the hand now moving languidly over her bare stomach, the night before and the hours leading up to the eventual sleep, it all came rushing back to her.

Hours of lovemaking, tender and emotionally raw, and a little bit of hard and rough, it had left them exhausted to the point where they’d fallen asleep tangled up in the sheets and one another, almost exactly in the same position as they still were now. The night had felt just as long as it had felt it had gone by in a blur. It still felt like a dream and in those moments just before she’d woken up, it truly did feel like one. But it was the feel of Emma’s body pressed up along her back and the gentle weight of Emma’s arm around her that made it feel as _real_ as she knew now that it all was.

Regina slowly stretched out, her body greeting her with aches that felt so good, so right, and in all the ways she’d nearly forgotten. Yet, like the memories that had flooded back to the forefront of her mind, especially over the past week and a half, Regina was beginning to have doubts about what happened between them--what was _still_ happening between them in that very moment.

Everything had gone from zero to a hundred, really, too fast. Far too fast. Panic was beginning to overwhelm her in her awakening state and she closed her eyes again, choosing to just focus on the feel of Emma’s palm slowly gliding over her stomach in light strokes.

They hadn’t talked, not about the things they needed to talk about, not the way Regina had wanted to before the inevitable happened as it had the night before. There was a lot of things they needed to talk about, things that would’ve been so much easier to do before if last night hadn’t happened. Yet, they hadn’t gotten that far and they’d fallen into a place Regina was so certain that neither of them were ready to be.

Regina was feeling a host of emotions, back and forth, and as she blinked into the early morning sunlight, her heart started to race rapidly and her breath started hitching and catching in her chest. Panic.

“It’s too early,” Emma mumbled behind her as she placed a soft kiss to the nape of Regina’s neck and then to her right shoulder, her lips lingering for a moment. “Why are you awake? _How_ are you even awake is what I should be asking, isn’t it?”

Emma’s laughter caused her body to shudder in arousal at the very sound of it. It was little things like that, little ways they would hold and touch one another that made it all so easy to fall back into a place Regina had only dreamt of them being in again. It made it all so easy and it also had her doubting her doubts she was having about everything.

“Come here,” Emma whispered into her ear before she gently urged Regina to turn to lay on her back. Regina’s eyes closed as she exhaled sharply and then opened them to find Emma was staring over at her with a lazy smile. Emma lifted the hand that was resting over her stomach to push back a few strands of hair that had fallen over her eyes. “I know we have to talk,” she said as the carefree look and the smile faded. “I know we have to, Regina, but last night--”

Regina sighed,” It shouldn’t have happened.”

“But it did.”

“Yes. It did.”

Emma frowned and reached down for the sheet that covered their lower halves and pulled it up. She shook her head as she dropped her hand to the small space on the bed between them. Regina felt guilty for ruining the moment, that waking moment of bliss after a long night reuniting with her love.

“Do you regret what happened last night?” Emma asked, her voice small. Unsure. “Regina? Do you regret it?”

“No,” she said flatly as she gripped onto the top of the sheet and held it to her chest. She couldn’t help but steal a quick glance over at Emma’s bare breasts before Emma too pulled the sheet up to cover them. “Absolutely not, but it--it shouldn’t have happened, Emma. We’re not even close to being _there_ yet.”

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. When she started to lean up, ready to apologize, to take back what she’d just said, Emma simply raised a hand with a frown to stop her. After a second, Emma dropped her hand back down in between them and exhaled sharply with a small shake of her head.

“I think there’s something still here between us,” Emma said quietly, her voice not quite a whisper. She turned to look up at the ceiling in disbelief. “I’m not wrong,” she said and she looked back over at Regina, her frown still firmly in place. “Am I?”

“I--”

“Because, Regina,” Emma continued and she moved her hand to reach over for Regina’s and gently ran her fingers along Regina’s until she intertwined them. A small smile began to curl over her lips as Regina tightened her grip a little around Emma’s hand. “Because I was really hoping we would pick up where we left off last night. God. Last night was _incredible_. I’m not ready for it to be over yet.”

 _Neither am I_.

Regina was trembling, afraid now of saying anything more, of saying the wrong thing and further ruin everything she ever had and could have with Emma Swan. If nothing else, she wanted to walk away from their night together, to let go of the guilt and the regret that weighed heavily on her, to remember every moment because she was so sure that this was her last chance and she had ruined it completely.

Regina let go of Emma’s hand and slipped her arms beneath the sheet. She reached out for Emma, her heart racing a little harder as Emma slipped her arms beneath the sheets and allowed Regina to reach for a hand. Emma grinned as she shifted and slid closer to Regina. With a small squeeze, Emma then released Regina’s hand and moved to lay on top of her. Emma was like a drug to her and Regina couldn’t stop her even if she wanted to. She couldn’t stop herself. Emma felt better than she thought giving in to her cravings for alcohol would feel and just feeling the weight of Emma’s body on hers had her head spinning and locked in a fight with her body and her heart.

The smell of sex still lingered in the room and Regina reasoned with herself that it was one of a few reasons why she was just giving in and falling back into a place she wasn’t ready to be in yet. She inhaled deeply, a mistake she soon realized when she found herself lost completely in Emma’s longing gaze. But in that moment, she knew. She knew she wasn’t ready for their night to be over yet either.

She was just so tired of the weight of grief her broken heart had left hanging heavily over her. She hated the way it had left her feeling for far too long. She was tired of being alone. She was tired of going through life and experiencing all it had to offer without the woman she’d been in love with for more than fifteen years at her side. Where she belonged. Where she needed her most.

She wanted nothing more than to wake up like this every morning, but without the guilt, without the small pangs of regret she’d been feeling since the moment she had opened her eyes.

She had missed this. She had missed Emma. So very much.

She missed that bed that had once been theirs, she missed being there in that house that had once been home. She had missed everything and being there was making her feel that loss so much more than she had since the day she had left.

She wanted those early mornings where they snuggled, stole morning-breath kisses that always led to more. She wanted to continue where they’d left off when exhaustion gave way to sleep mere hours before. She wanted to crawl into the shower with Emma, just as they used to after nights like that, just as they’d done even on days where they only shared a shower just to save some time--and water. She wanted to be in the chaos of the kitchen, too, while she scrambled to make breakfast for the three of them before their busy life really started for the day.

And what she wanted most of all was to have this part of her life back even if it was different than the way it had been before.

“Oh, I’ve missed you, Emma. So very much,” she whispered, her face flushing a little as her confession slipped out easily. “I miss the life we had together even though it should’ve been different.”

“We don’t have to talk about this right now,” Emma said and she kissed her lightly, her lips lingering for a moment even when Regina’s didn’t kiss her back. “We can talk about everything later, okay? After coffee and breakfast. But only after I kiss you properly because that is the only thing I want to do right now.” Emma kissed her again, a smile beginning to dance over her lips as she slipped a thigh between Regina’s legs and it elicited a moan past Regina’s lips. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Regina echoed quietly. “Emma, I--”

Emma kissed her once again, her words dying on her lips as the sheet fell away from their bodies inch by inch. Regina lifted her hands to bury her fingers into Emma’s messy blonde hair, her hands shaky yet sure. Determined. Needy. Wanting. The kiss was light, chaste almost, but Regina scratched her nails along Emma’s scalp, holding her right where she was. When she scratched her nails against Emma’s scalp once more, the kiss started to become long and deep with pure and unbridled passion as if more fuel was tossed onto the fire burning between them.

As it had been for most of the night, they moved unhurriedly against one another as Emma pressed a strong thigh hard against Regina’s bare cunt. Emma smoothed a hand down Regina’s side and grasped onto her left thigh, pulling it over her hip as she pulled Regina in closer.

Gods, she truly could not resist Emma-fucking-Swan, not even when she still wasn’t sure about the whole situation going on between them. Her senses were on complete overload and the biggest part of her just wanted to give in, fully and completely, just as she had done mere hours before.

Emma let out a small laugh as she ended their kiss and she nuzzled her nose against Regina’s as she stroked her fingers along the back of her thigh. “God, I’ve missed you too,” she murmured against Regina’s lips. “I’ve missed _us_ , Regina.”

A small content sigh fell past Regina’s lips and she leaned back just so she could stare endlessly into Emma’s eyes in the early morning sunlight. It was far too easy to get lost within Emma’s longing gaze, to give in to every desire that Emma made her feel. It truly was too easy to be lost within her and it made Regina forget the rest of the world, even if just for a few lingering moments. In those moments, Emma _was_ her whole world.

Just like she always used to be.

Just like she should still be.

Still, it all felt like a wonderful dream and one she was waiting to wake up from any second now and have that realization that she could not have the life back that she once had, just as she could never be with Emma again after the way she’d broken her heart. She didn’t want to wake up if it was a dream. She wasn’t ready yet. Not yet. Her heart was still fighting with her mind, her conscience, and she was struggling to find a middle ground still.

She had let go of those thoughts hours before and had lost herself completely in Emma Swan. All she wanted, all she truly wanted, was to be able to go back there again, to feel it all over again, and let the rest of the world melt away over and over again.

When she kissed Emma again, it was more than just being lost in the moment, it was more than just yearning, more than longing. She kissed Emma with everything she had. She kissed her to chase away the lingering guilt that was beginning to build again. One kiss turned into another, each kiss becoming a little harder, a little more aggressive, a little  _dirtier_ than the last and soon they were gasping hard as they grabbed on to one another, fighting and giving in to their yearning, their longing. They were giving in to everything and each other.

“Again,” Emma gasped quietly as she pressed her forehead against Regina’s and stilled her body. She exhaled, her hot breath falling over Regina’s lips and just spurring something deep inside of her. It made her want Emma again. She was useless to fight it too. Emma laughed as she asked, “How are you even awake right now?”

“I just am.”

Another laugh. “You told me earlier that you haven’t slept since the other night.”

“I haven’t.”

“Then stop me if I’m keeping you from your beauty sleep, your majesty.”

“That is enough, Miss Swan,” she replied, her tone teasing and light.

“Sheriff Swan,” Emma corrected and she squealed a little as Regina grappled with her until she was able to flip Emma onto her back with a soft grunt of victory. “Fuck,” Emma groaned. “When did you get so strong?”

“I’ve always been strong.”

“Not like this,” Emma panted and she countered Regina’s sudden move by wrapping her legs around Regina’s waist and yet, she made no effort to reverse their position and put Regina on her back again. “Not that I’m complaining,” she added with a wink and Regina just laughed, grabbing onto Emma’s wrists to keep her pinned down against the mattress beneath her. “Fuck.”

“We really do need to talk, Emma.”

“I know. Can’t we just--”

“Can’t we just what?” Regina asked. “Fool around a little more then go make some coffee and breakfast like it’s _normal_? Nothing about this is normal, Emma.”

“You’re still not really a morning person, are you?” Emma muttered mostly to herself. “Got it.” She wriggled a little beneath Regina and wrestled to take back a little bit of control. She didn’t flip Regina on her back as she was expecting and ready for, instead she grabbed ahold of Regina’s hands and exhaled slowly. “It’s still early. Let’s talk about all of this later. Please?”

Regina relaxed a little, giving in. It _was_ still early and one thing she wanted most--aside from Emma, that is--was to fall back asleep in Emma’s embrace and quite literally forget the rest of the world for a while longer. It delayed the inevitable, that long overdue talk they both knew they’d need to have and that it needed to happen sooner rather than later. After last night, it was inevitable, and something Regina couldn’t run away from no matter how anxious it made her feel. It needed to be done and there was so much that had been left unsaid over the years, and in order to chase away the building guilt inside of her, Regina knew she had to apologize. What came after that, she wasn’t sure, but in some ways it seemed a little easier and harder all at once after last night.

Last night had been a surprise. Last night shouldn’t and wasn’t supposed to have happened, but it did. It had happened far easier than Regina had previously thought it would. Last night had felt like a rekindling of the love they once had just as last night and that very morning felt as if a decade hadn’t gone by between them either.

Regina was all too aware who had made that first move, that she was the one who had kissed Emma first and that kiss had been the spark needed to ignite the fire between them. That kiss had led them to where they were now. Still, Regina wondered if maybe it had been simply that feeling of déjà vu when Emma had started to break down and cry, or maybe it was something else, but whatever it was, Regina knew that things ultimately would not have gone any differently no matter how it’d led up to them ending up in the bedroom and naked in bed.

Even after a decade apart, the sexual tension and attraction between them was just too strong and their connection still clearly ran far too deep to ignore. Last night had been sole proof of that.

Last night had been confirmation for Regina that she still absolutely was not over Emma. It was confirmation that yes, she was still very much in love with her and years apart hadn’t changed how she felt. Just admitting it in her head to herself had her feeling uneasy because none of this following this moment they were sharing was going to be easy. It shouldn’t be easy. Not at all.

“Hey,” Emma whispered lightly as she lifted a hand and gently stroked her fingers through Regina’s hair just above her right ear. “Everything okay, Gina?”

“Yes.”

“Liar.”

She leaned into Emma’s touch just for a moment before moving to lay at Emma’s side. The early morning sunlight was beginning to stream in a little stronger through the open blinds and partially closed drapes, the sunbeams dancing along Emma’s bare torso little by little. Regina trailed her finger tips over Emma’s stomach, chasing those sunbeams as her head swirled with far too many thoughts.

“You regret what happened last night, don’t you?”

“No,” she said as she looked into Emma’s eyes. “I don’t regret anything that happened last night. I’m just--”

“You have doubts,” Emma finished for her with a frown. “You _do_ regret it.”

Regina sighed. In a way she did and in a way the only regret she really did have was that it happened before they had a chance to talk about everything. What she didn’t regret was spending hours upon hours making love with the one and only person who had invaded her dreams and her fantasies for the last ten years. She didn’t regret waking up in Emma’s arms or even where they were right now. The only thing she was truly starting to regret was not having the courage to tell Emma exactly what was on her mind or how she was feeling or even that she was still very much in love with her.

“No,” Regina said with another sigh as she continued to trace her fingertips over Emma’s skin, making them dance along the sunbeams as they poured in through the window. “I don’t regret being with you last night or even right now.”

“But?”

“It’s early,” she said as she lifted her head to look over Emma at the alarm clock on Emma’s side of the bed, the numbers blurry as she tried to see the time. “And I feel--”

“Like you’ve been hit by a truck?” Emma asked lightly and she laughed. “I know. An amazing night of sex will do that, huh? God,” she said and she laughed again as she placed a hand over Regina’s gently. “I don’t know about you, Regina, but I haven’t been with someone in a long time, but that? Last night? I forgot that it could be like that, you know?”

“Be like what, Emma?”

“Simply incredible.”

Regina rolled her eyes and laughed as Emma feigned hurt with a deep frown she just couldn’t hold for very long before she too started to laugh along with her. In all seriousness, Regina wanted to know more about what Emma meant when she said it’d been a long time since she’d been with anyone but at the same time she didn’t feel as if she had the right to know or even ask about any relationships that Emma had been in since she’d left.

She instead chose to look down as Emma’s fingers played with hers for a moment before she intertwined them gently. Just for a moment, as she’d been doing for hours, she lost herself in Emma once more and tried to push away all the thoughts in her head all at once that were keeping her from savoring that very moment. Just wanted to enjoy it, even just for a minute or two. She wanted to savor the moment of waking up together way too early after a long, long night of passion and fire. She wanted to bask in the feeling of, how Emma put it, feeling like she’d been hit by a truck because of the night they shared together.

“So,” Emma said, her eyes locked on their joined hands. “Um, do you want to just try and go back to sleep for a while? We can talk when we’re more awake and after, you know, coffee.”

“I just need a moment, Emma.”

“For what?”

She felt like she’d said it a hundred times already. Maybe she hadn’t. “I’m trying to savor this,” she whispered.

“Right,” Emma said with a small, uneasy laugh. “It’s kind of hard to do that now knowing that you have regrets about last night. Because really, Regina, it was kind of long overdue. If it helps any, we can call last night the breakup sex we should’ve had years ago, what do you say?”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Regina sighed. “As I already told you, I don’t regret last night. I--I just wish that we had talked first. We should’ve talked before last night happened, that’s all.”

“I don’t think I was ready to talk last night.”

“Nor was I,” she replied and she stared over at Emma, watching as tears began to fill Emma’s eyes slowly. She frowned and leaned over to place a small kiss to Emma’s cheek. “What can I do to convince you that I do not regret being with you last night?” she asked and she placed another kiss to Emma’s cheek in the same spot. “Or even right now?”

“That was a good start,” Emma said with a small smile. “Might need a few more of those.”

Regina rolled her eyes as the laughter fell past her smiling lips with ease. “If you make me roll my eyes again, they might just get stuck that way,” she joked likely and then leaned back in to drop another kiss to Emma’s cheek, this time letting her lips linger for a few seconds longer than the last one. “Is that better?”

“Mm, yeah. Give me some more of that.”

Regina swiftly moved in to kiss the self-satisfied smirk off of Emma’s lips. Gods, it was so easy to fall back into old habits. She wanted to. She wanted it. All of it. What wanted it more than anything and that want was stronger than her regrets, stronger than her guilt. She moaned as she let go of Emma’s hand buried it into her messy blonde hair, slipping her tongue over Emma’s eagerly parting lips to kiss her deeply.

“Morning breath be damned, huh?” Emma murmured before she wrapped her arms around Regina and continued the kiss, her hold strong, yet comforting.

Regina truly didn’t want to leave Emma’s embrace or her bed anytime soon. She wanted to kiss her good morning properly, like they always used to, like they were now. She wanted to fall back asleep in her arms and wake up later for coffee and breakfast. What she didn’t want to think about was how it would be inevitable that the long overdue talk would be coming that morning--that it needed to regardless of everything that had happened in the last day.

She melted into Emma, losing herself in the languid, salacious kiss. Morning breath be damned, indeed. They moved slow, savoring the moment between them, and Regina slipped a leg between Emma’s as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate with every passing second. She raked her nails against Emma’s scalp, eliciting a moan past Emma’s lips that reverberated through her core. A moan slipped past her own lips when Emma moved her hands down her back and grabbed at her ass just under the sheets that barely covered them anymore.

It never failed to go this way between them and some things truly didn’t change with time when it came to Emma Swan. No kiss, especially not one as lascivious as the very one they were locked in, was ever just a simple kiss. Kisses like that always led to more. Right then and there, Regina’s body was responding and she wasn’t fighting that she wanted _more_. She wanted everything, just as she’d had the night before and she was still far too exhausted to truly fight it. Giving in was easier even if it made things more complicated between them than they already were.

Emma pulled at her hips and Regina thrust her thigh between Emma’s legs a little harder. She moaned as Emma sucked and bit at her bottom lip and she could feel how wet Emma was becoming as she felt the warm slickness against her thigh with every hard, determined thrust. Her libido took over completely in that moment, just as it had the night before, just as it had in those moments after they’d first woken up together. She kissed Emma harder, deeper, eliciting some very throaty and erotic moans from Emma that only spurred her on more.

Regina was turned on beyond belief and the urgency of chasing that euphoric feeling that came after a powerful orgasm was what drove her on. She moved on top of Emma a little more, rolling her hips down as Emma lifted her leg and they both moaned, grasping onto one another as Regina ground down against Emma’s thigh, craving not only that high but the feel of Emma’s warm, smooth skin against her.

“Ungh,” Emma murmured as she pulled back from the kiss with a heavy gasp. “Fuck.”

“I thought…” she trailed off as she stared into Emma’s eyes and lifted a hand to her lips and slowly coated her fingers generously before moving her hand between Emma’s legs. “I thought we were going to talk later?”

“Right. We are,” Emma groaned. “Regina--”

“So, do shut up, Sheriff Swan,” she said firmly and Emma grunted at the authoritative tone in Regina’s voice, nodding her head as her eyes slid shut once Regina’s fingers deftly slipped between her folds.

Emma’s hips jerked upwards and she moaned as Regina eagerly circled her fingers over her clit. Her hands moved to grasp on to Regina’s arms, her short fingernails digging hard as Regina teased her almost relentlessly. Emma suddenly groaned and then let out a low growl, taking Regina by surprise as she flipped Regina on to her back. The sudden move caused Regina to pull her hand free from between Emma’s legs and she whimpered as everything seemed to come to a standstill between them. They stared deeply into one another’s eyes in the early morning sunlight that was slowly and surely making the room a little brighter.

The desperation, not only for release, but to keep kissing Emma completely consumed her and she grabbed onto the back of Emma’s neck and pulled her in for another deeply passionate kiss as they writhed and thrust against each other relentlessly. Longingly. Desperately.

Her orgasm was building so very quickly and with every press of Emma’s strong thigh against her cunt, she felt herself slipping closer and closer to the edge. She could feel those edges blurring all of her senses as she felt completely consumed by Emma. She could feel how close Emma was to with every thrust, with every hard and needy writhe of their hips against one another’s thighs. Even after all those years apart, Regina could still read Emma like an open book and she could sense all the little signs that Emma was so close to tumbling over the edge and succumbing to passion completely.

She’d thought for sure all those hours of making love had left her spent, even after a few hours of rest, but clearly that wasn’t the case as her body began to shudder and shake, her vision of swirling stars and light from beyond her tightly closed eyes almost blinding as her orgasm began to quake throughout her whole body all at once. Emma grasped tight onto the leg she had wrapped around Emma’s hip and with the other hand, she blindly reached for Regina’s hand that wasn’t currently buried in her messy hair, intertwining their fingers and grasping on tightly as her hips bucked down against Regina’s thigh a little harder, a little quicker.

“Just let go,” Emma whispered against her lips. “I’m right there with you, baby.”

“Emma, I--”

“Come with me,” Emma pleaded, the desperation so clear in her voice. “Fuck.”

The creak of the bedroom door opening just seconds later startled both of them, but they weren’t quick enough to react, to stop, to pull at the sheets that barely covered them at all. It felt, quite literally, as the world was slipping out from beneath her as Regina turned to look at Henry stood in the doorway, horrified.

“Mom?” Henry sounded surprised and he blinked his eyes before that look of horror fell over his face once again. “Regina? Mom? Mom, what the hell?!”

Emma didn’t move even as Regina struggled to reach for the sheets by their legs. Panic filled Regina as the seconds went by and felt like hours. She was embarrassed, too, but her panic was filling her rapidly and she grappled with Emma, still struggling to reach for the sheets in a failed attempt to cover their naked bodies.

“Henry, can you please just get out and--"

“Is she awake, dear?”

Zelena. Regina all but pushed Emma off of her just as Zelena appeared in the doorway where Henry was still standing, his mouth gaping in shock as he continued to stare at the two of them. Regina was not only panicking and embarrassed, she was mortified, and she couldn’t quite move fast enough and Emma was no help at all. The look on Zelena’s face was indescribable as she looked back and forth at the two of them in bed. Regina finally managed to grab the sheet in an attempt to even just cover herself, her face red and hot with utter mortification.

“Oh!” Zelena exclaimed. “This is rich!” A laugh escaped past her lips before she turned to Henry. She prodded a finger at his chest several times before he stumbled back. “You. Out,” she ordered. “Now!”

Regina’s whole body filled with dread as Emma languidly pulled up part of the sheet to cover her body as she laid at Regina’s side, not a word falling past her kiss-swollen lips and her eyes only on Regina. Regina wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole, but soon that mortification, the embarrassment, the panic, and the dread gave way to unbridled anger as her sister casually walked into the bedroom and cackled.

“Honestly, ladies, this was a _long_ time coming. Bloody hell, I thought this would’ve happened last weekend!”

“Zelena, get the hell out of here!” Regina said through gritted teeth. “Get out!”

“Why are you so embarrassed, Regina? It’s not as if none of us don’t know that you two spent years shagging each other,” Zelena said and she cackled again. “Oh, are you embarrassed because Henry saw you two naked? Or because I walked in as well? Honestly, Regina, it’s not as if we haven’t seen it all before.”

“Get out, Zelena!” Regina’s anger was bubbling and she couldn’t quite contain it much longer. If she wasn’t naked, she knew she would surely attack her sister for not only being a part of the reason why their moment was ruined, but for continuing to make the whole situation a thousand times more mortifying by not leaving. “Get the hell out of here now, Zelena!”

Zelena simply cackled again and crossed her arms over her chest, a wild look in her eyes. She stood firm, unmoving, and Regina turned to look over at Emma with a shake of her head. Emma still hadn’t reacted much at all and she smiled at Regina as she slipped a hand beneath the sheets and tried to reach for hers.

“How the hell are you so calm right now?” Regina demanded as she slapped Emma’s hand away.

“I just am,” Emma responded with a slight shrug and she pulled the sheet up over her chest fully as she laid back against the pillows. “Regina, it’s fine. Don’t worry about--”

“Don’t worry about it?” Regina’s eyes were wide as she stared at Emma wondering why and how she could still be so calm about all of this. “Don’t worry about it? Are you kidding me, Emma? Henry just walked in on us! Zelena just walked in on us! She’s still here!” she exclaimed and she turned to look back over at her sister with an angry, menacing glare. “Why are you still here? Get out!”

“What are you doing here so early, Zee?” Emma asked casually.

“I brought coffee from Granny’s. Robyn told me what happened yesterday. Apparently she and Henry were up most of the night talking about it and she’s worried. She also told me that Henry mentioned that you were here, Regina, and I just couldn’t believe it! We only came by to make sure that everything is all right.”

“At--” Regina stopped and looked over at the alarm clock on Emma’s side of the bed and groaned as she draped an arm over her eyes. “It’s barely seven o’clock.”

“We’ve always been early risers, Regina,” Zelena smirked. “It’s not as if you two were actually sleeping,” she pointed out. “Gods, it smells like sex in here. Did you two spend all night shagging? Did you two even sleep at all?”

“Get out!” Regina shouted hoarsely as she picked up a pillow from behind her head and threw it at her sister. “Just get out, Zelena, please. Just go.”

“Go,” Emma said, her voice calm and even. “We’ll be out in a few minutes, okay?”

Zelena held up her hands in defeat, backing up towards the open door. She stopped only to pick up the pillow and tossed it towards the bed where it landed at Regina’s side with a soft thump. Regina wanted nothing more than to permanently wipe that smirk off of her face. She buried her face into her hands as she took a deep and shaky breath, flinching when Emma reached out and smoothed a hand over her shoulder.

“It’s okay, Regina.”

“No, it’s really not,” she groaned into her hands, refusing to drop them and refusing to look at Emma. “It is so far from okay, Emma. Nothing about this is okay!”

“Oh.”

The hurt in Emma’s voice was clear, but Regina, still consumed in her embarrassment and anger, just got out of the bed and scrambled to grab her clothes that were tossed haphazardly all over the floor. She pulled on her thong and quickly pulled on her pants before she desperately searched for her bra that was nowhere to be found. She groaned as she picked up her ruined shirt and slipped it on, buttoning up the buttons that were still intact. She was so focused on getting dressed that she hadn’t noticed Emma had gotten out of bed and gotten dressed herself.

She turned to Emma, distraught still, and saw Emma just standing on the other side of the bed and dressed in gray sweatpants and a black tank top. The expression on Emma’s face was unreadable, but there was a familiar sadness in her eyes that broke Regina’s heart all over again.

“Regina?”

She ignored her as she grabbed her vest and slipped it on, quickly buttoning it up as her body started to grow ever more tense. She groaned and buried her face into her hands as she heard laughter erupting from just outside the now closed bedroom door. She was shaking as she ran her fingers through her hair and realized it wasn’t just the smell of sex that lingered in the room, it lingered on her, too.

“Are you leaving?” Emma asked quietly. “Regina?” She walked around the bed to where Regina was standing and tried to get her to look at her. “Will you at least stay for breakfast? Or even just for a coffee? Zelena said she brought coffee and--”

“No, I can’t--I shouldn’t,” Regina stammered. She really truly couldn’t even look at Emma right now so how could she even survive staying there for a cup of coffee? She remembered that her carryon was still in Emma’s car and she frowned as she wrung her hands together. “I will just come back later for my things,” she said and she turned to head for the door, but Emma rushed forward and put herself between her and the only exit in the room. “Emma, please.”

“Just let me get rid of Zee and Robyn, okay?” Emma said quickly, her voice trembling as she tried to reach out for Regina’s hands to no avail. “I’ll ask Henry to go with them and then we can sit down and talk about this. About everything. Just the two of us. No interruptions. Okay?”

The protest died on her lips when she really allowed herself to look at Emma for the first time in the last several minutes. She couldn’t handle any more heartbreak or the look of it in Emma’s eyes that shattered her very soul. She’d already seen enough of it to last her a lifetime. She felt disoriented as she stared with wide eyes at Emma’s hands that reached out for her own once again. The little bubble they’d been in together since the night before had been violently popped by the sudden intrusion of Henry and Zelena.

Regina wanted to flee, to escape from her embarrassment and to avoid having that long overdue talk with Emma. How could she stay after what had just happened? Emma held on to her hands tightly and shook her head, clearly fighting her own thoughts and inner turmoil at the same time.

“Stay. Please?” she pleaded. “Don’t walk out on me again.”

 _Again_.

That word stung more than she imagined it would and the tears sprang to her eyes in an instant. She tried to pull her hands away, but the weakness of her heart falling left her without the strength to break free. She was speechless, too, the words jumbling in her brain and at loss of what to say next. She still wanted to leave, to run, because doing that was _easy_. Yet, the moment that Emma lifted a hand to wipe a tear from her cheek she hadn’t realized had fallen, she knew she had to stay.

“Why don’t you go and have a shower and you can borrow whatever fits since that shirt is kind of a toss now, isn’t it?” Emma said quietly. “I’ll get them to leave, all right? I’ll make us some breakfast and we’ll talk whenever you are ready, okay?”

Emma didn’t wait for her to answer as she leaned in to place a soft kiss to Regina’s forehead and then another upon her lips. Emma offered her a small smile before she slipped out of the bedroom and left Regina in there alone. It was quiet for a few moments before Regina took a few steps closer to the closed bedroom door. She could hear Emma speaking to Zelena in the kitchen, convincing her to leave. Regina waited until she heard the side door open and then close a moment later before she walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom across the hall. She couldn’t even bear to look at her reflection in the mirror above the sink as she quickly stripped free from her clothes.

No matter what she did now, or what happened next, she realized that the whole situation was now far more complicated than it had been before. She turned on the water in the shower, fighting back her tears before she stepped under the hot spray. It was far more complicated now especially because Henry and Zelena had walked in on them. She knew she’d not only have to deal with having that long overdue talk with Emma now, but she’d also have to deal with her sister later.

It was going to make fighting her demons even harder.

And that was the very last thing that she needed to deal with now on top of everything else.

She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to the cool tiles and let her tears flow freely. She whispered a silent plea, asking to find the strength to deal when she knew she didn’t have much fight left in her at all.

And because she knew that, she knew her demons were going to win. One way or another, they were going to win this time.


	20. Chapter 20

The clanking and scraping of forks against the plates was the only sound in the kitchen as they ate the omelets Emma had cooked up once Regina was out of the shower. It had been a long shower as she’d spent a little over half an hour under the hot spray of water. When she had finished, she found her bag left just outside the bathroom door for her, left there by Emma so that she could dress in her own clean clothes.

She’d always loved borrowing Emma’s clothes, especially after a long night together. The disappointment in not being able to slip on an old worn in t-shirt, one of Emma’s favorites, and it caught her off-guard as she wasn’t expecting to for everything to still feel very much the same as it had so long ago.

It had been nearly fifteen minutes they’d been sitting at the table eating. Or, in Regina’s case, trying not to rush through the omelet because it was so _good_. The problem was, neither of them seemed to know where to start, but it was a conversation that could no longer be avoided. The only words that had been spoken thus far had been when Emma asked if Regina wanted onion in her omelet. Aside from that, nothing else was said.

Regina had a lot of things she wanted to say, but the words just never came. The only thing at the forefront of her mind was centered around last night and that morning, wondering what it had all meant to Emma because she knew it would change the course of their entire conversation if it meant nothing to Emma at all.

Despite the awkward silence that hung heavy between them, Regina had a feeling that last night was more than just a one-off, or long overdue breakup sex as Emma had put it at one point. She knew she couldn’t possibly be the only one who felt that way especially if the way that Emma had been acting earlier when they woke up was anything to go by.

Regina stared down at her omelet, and as hungry as she was, she just didn’t have much of an appetite all of a sudden, not as she had been when she first had sat down to eat. Though she was grateful Emma had gotten rid of her sister, along with Henry and Robyn, she was still feeling embarrassed about the entire situation, mortified beyond belief that they’d been walked in on right as they’d been about to tumble over that edge into endless oblivion together. It wasn’t just embarrassment and mortification she had felt as it had left her cranky, her body aching for that release, and that hot shower had done nothing to deter that ache.

She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Emma might be feeling as she hadn’t had a shower herself yet, but she had a feeling that Emma was feeling just as cranky as she was, especially if the way Emma fidgeted and shifted in her chair as she ate was anything to go by.

Regina jumped a little when Emma’s cell phone rang, the sound piercing through the silence in the kitchen. The ringer was an obnoxious police siren that was far too loud, and Emma just mouthed “sorry” before she wiped her mouth with a napkin and jumped up from her chair to grab her phone off the counter.

“Booth, hey,” Emma said when she answered it. “No, I’m at home right now. Something came up.” She was silent for a few seconds as she listened. She frowned and cleared her throat before she said, “Henry was arrested on Friday night. No, everything is fine for right now. He’s home. Look, I’ll catch you up on everything later, okay? I’ve got some things I need to deal with today. I’ll call you later, okay? Okay, bye.”

Regina finished the last bite of her omelet and sat back with a look of surprise falling over her face as Emma grabbed her empty plate and carried it over to the sink to rinse it off. Emma turned around and grabbed her own plate, quickly finishing off the last few dishes before she rinsed it off and left it in the bottom of the sink. She turned to look back at Regina, her face expressionless, and Regina just got up and walked up to Emma, smiling a little as she gave her a gentle little nudge away from the sink.

“You cooked, I’ll wash up,” she said and Emma sighed before she took a step back. “It was delicious, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

_I didn’t know you could cook so well_ , was what Regina wanted to say, but she held her tongue as she reached for the dish soap and sponge. Emma hovered, not too close, as she quickly washed up the dishes and the frying pan, rinsing them off before handing them to Emma for her to dry and put them away.

“It seems stupid, but after you left, I realized that there were a lot of things I could’ve done differently and when I think about that now, I always wondered if you would’ve stayed if things were different then,” Emma said once Regina had turned off the water and she handed her a dishtowel to dry her hands. “Like this, dishes, stupid little thing really wasn’t it? Yet, we always argued about it.”

“Petty arguments that built up over time, unfortunately.”

“I know. I never--I should’ve fixed things before it got that way, you know? It took you leaving to make me realize that it was my fault that you left.”

Regina shook her head as she slowly dried off her hands. “No,” she sighed. “It wasn’t solely your fault, Emma. It takes two to make a relationship work and two to break it. It is as much my fault as it is yours.”

Emma just looked down at the floor as she leaned against the edge of the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, you’re right. We were both at fault,” she said after a beat, her eyes still cast downwards and focused on the tiled floor. “It wasn’t just me whose heart was broken when you left, though.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Emma wasn’t the only one she had to apologize to, and she knew it, they both did, and she was pretty sure her entire family knew it, too. The day that she left was still so crystal clear in her mind, so clear that it felt like it had only just happened. Being back there, being back in the house that used to be _their_ home, it brought back memories, too many memories than what she could truly handle in that very moment.

“I’m sorry too, Regina.”

She looked over at Emma and tried to swallow past the hard lump that was growing in her throat. She looked down at the dishtowel in her hands for a second before she draped the damp towel over the handle on the oven door and, unsure of what to do now with her hands, she just crossed her arms over her chest to mirror Emma’s current stance and exhaled.

“Look, I know we don’t know how to talk about this or where to start, but will you listen to what I have to say, please?” Emma asked and she cleared her throat nervously when Regina didn’t do anything other than nod her head slowly. “Like I said, I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll start where this all began.”

“All right, Emma. Say what you need to say. I’m listening.”

“For uh, for weeks after you left, I kept thinking that you’d come back. I didn’t know what to tell Henry whenever he asked about you,” Emma said and her voice was quiet and her eyes still cast downward. “When you left and when you didn’t come back after a couple of days, he started to beg me to take him to come see you. He thought you were coming back, that maybe you went away on a trip without us or something. He was five, Regina, and he just didn’t understand why you left.”

“We said goodbye.”

“Not really. You just left him there and you let him run after you as fast as he could. That wasn’t goodbye, Regina.”

“No, I suppose it wasn’t.”

Emma exhaled sharply and looked up at her then. “I tried to explain things to him, you know? I tried to explain that you left because we fell out of love, but he didn’t understand. He thought that meant that you stopped loving him, too. After a few months, though, he stopped asking about you all the time, but I know he never stopped thinking about you. I know I never did.”

Regina glanced down at her crossed arms, unable to speak, unable to even look at Emma right at that moment. The sheer emotion that Emma showed just in her eyes alone was enough to break her heart over and over again. Ready or not, the talk they needed to have was happening, and it was happening right now.

“The thing is,” Emma continued, her voice cracking with emotion, “I have never stopped loving you, Regina. Not once. Not for one second. Not even when I was fucking livid over the way you just left me, the way you left _us_ like that. I might be a fool for still being in love with you after all this time, especially with how things ended, but I think--I think you are still in love with me too. I think that last night kind of proved that, didn’t it?”

Silence hung between them for a very long time. Regina wanted to tell her that she did, that yes she was still in love with her, that there was nobody else who had ever come close to making her feel the way she had and still did. She wanted to tell Emma that she’d tried to move on, that she tried to forget everything they’d had together, but she knew she didn’t need to. Emma already knew.

This wasn’t how she expected things to go this morning at all. She didn’t expect their long overdue talk to go this way, either, but it had, and she couldn’t find the words she needed to say. Her head was pounding, her heart was racing, and any and all words at the tip of her tongue became nothing more than a jumbled mess inside of her.

“Am I wrong?” Emma asked tearfully as she broke the heavy silence between them. “Regina? Am I wrong about--”

“No,” she whispered. “You’re not wrong.”

“Is it too late to try and fix this?”

“I don’t know, Emma. I honestly don’t know.”

Emma took a step towards her and dropped her arms down to her side. “Because,” she said and she came to a stop just barely a foot away from her, mindful of keeping a bit of distance between them. “Because I don’t think it’s too late for us. Because I think, after last night, that we do deserve a second chance to be together. It isn’t going to be easy, I know that, and Henry will probably think that I’m a complete idiot for wanting to be with you again after the pain you put us through when you left, but it’s never too late to start again. Is it?”

“You _are_ an idiot,” Regina said drolly. “Why would you want me back, Emma? Why would you still want me after I broke your heart and Henry’s too? Why, after it has been more than ten years, would you still want to be with me? You deserve so much better than that, Emma Swan. You deserve someone better than me.”

Emma’s mouth gaped open, yet she didn’t utter a word. She just crossed her arms back over her chest and took a step back as tears welled up in her eyes. Tears that didn’t fall.

“Didn’t you move on after I left?” Regina asked. “Did you even try?”

“I tried,” Emma said with a scoff as a few tears fell. “I tried, I did. It was one failed short-term relationship after the other until I gave up on finding love again.” Emma shook her head and wiped away her tears forcefully. “Did you ever move on? Did you find someone else, Regina?”

“I tried,” she said, echoing those words back at Emma. “It wasn’t the same. Nobody was ever--and I--I couldn’t fall in love again. I was too afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“To let go of the love that I still had for you,” she whispered so quietly she wasn’t sure if Emma had even heard her. “I knew one thing for certain, and that was that I truly didn’t deserve to know love again after you, Emma. I don’t even think that I deserve a second chance with you either.”

“And last night?” Emma asked. “I’m going to ask you again if you regret what happened last night, Regina. Do you?”

“Do _you_?”

“No,” Emma replied without hesitation. “Not at all, Regina. Answer the question, please. Do you regret what happened last night?”

“Yes and no.”

“What?” Emma threw her hands up, her eyes were wide in surprise and confusion. “What the hell does that even mean?”

“Yes, I regret it because we should’ve talked first, about everything, and no,” she said and she paused to take a deep yet shaky breath. “You were right when you said that last night was incredible. It truly was.”

“Is that the only reason you don’t regret it? Because it was incredible?”

“Yes and no.”

“Again with the cryptic answers,” Emma scoffed. “Regina, god, I don’t know if it is because I’m still in love with you after you left me ten years ago, but last night? Last night made it honestly feel like not a day had gone by without you. And right now? It’s making me feel a little bit crazy, you know?”

“I know exactly how you feel.”

A heavy silence settled between them once again, the silence now easier than letting themselves, their thoughts, their emotions be seen and heard, laid bare for the other to see. Uncertainty filled Regina heavier than all the guilt she ever had when it came to Emma Swan, it filled her so heavily she could barely breathe without the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. Nervously, she placed a hand against her abdomen, an old habit she’d had since as long as she could remember. Emma noticed and she frowned before she once again took a step towards her, still mindful to keep some space between them as she reached out for Regina’s other hand.

“Regina--”

“I feel a lot of things right now,” Regina started to say and she raised an eyebrow at Emma, a silent warning for her to stay quiet for a moment to just let her speak. “I feel conflicted mostly. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, more so yesterday than anything else. I fear that what happened last night was due to a few things, mainly one being that you were so very upset about what happened with Henry and that maybe too you were looking for a release, a way to forget, and looking for what else, I’m not sure.”

Regina tried to swallow past the lump rising and growing in her throat. She closed her eyes and didn’t fight the tears that fell as she tried to focus on the words she needed to say and not at all on how warm Emma’s hand felt in hers.

“Do I regret last night? Yes and no,” she continued, her voice quiet but steady. “The only other regret that I have is that I waited for too long to see you again. I just--I wasn’t ready for a very long time, and when I saw you last week, I still wasn’t ready. I’m not sure if I still am.”

Regina looked down at the hand Emma was holding firmly and frowned. Nothing seemed to be coming out right at all. There were a lot of things she knew she needed to say to Emma, but none of them were making much sense anymore. With a deep, shaky breath, Regina looked up at Emma and into her tear-filled eyes.

“Despite everything we have been through in our past, you are still my favorite person, Emma. You probably always will be. You changed my life from the moment you walked into it. I think--no, I know and I truly believe that from the moment I first saw you I fell in love with you. I never believed in love at first sight before I met you. I never thought it was even possible, just as I never believed it was possible to love someone as much as I loved you. But, then you had Henry, and I fell in love with him, too. I--I fell in love with our family from the moment he was born. I just want you to know that the biggest regret that I have is walking out on you both. You’ve always been the stubborn one, but I’ve been the one who has been the stubborn idiot since that night we had that fight.”

Emma trembled as she lifted her other hand to wipe at the tears that were falling down her cheeks. “Regina,” she whispered with a small shake of her head, almost as if she couldn’t believe the words she’d just heard. Regina couldn’t quite believe them either even though they were true and had come from deep within her heart. “I don’t know what to say,” Emma said softly and shook her head again. “You’re my favorite person, too.”

They both kind of laughed a little then before Regina started to cry. Her emotions becoming far too much to handle as they were crashing down on her all at once. She allowed Emma to pull her in for a hug then and she exhaled softly as she buried her face into Emma’s neck and let the tears flow freely. A delicious shiver ran through her body as she melted into Emma’s embrace and she scoffed as she pulled back a little and blinked through her tears as she looked into Emma’s eyes.

“You definitely need to have a shower.”

“Right,” Emma laughed before she dropped her arms from around Regina and lifted her hands to wipe at her tears. She sniffed and frowned and then laughed again. “You’re right. I do need to shower. Later, though. We’re not quite finished here, are we?”

“I don’t think that we are.”

“I meant--”

“Talking or us?”

“Both?” Emma seemed unsure. “I wanted to tell you that I wrote you a letter. Several of them, actually. I never had the guts or courage to send them to you though,” she confessed quietly. “It’s not like I knew where to send them even if I could, you know?”

“What did the letters say?”

“The first one I wrote, I was pretty pissed off. I was _livid_. I wrote it after you left when I realized for the first time that you really weren’t coming back home. I ripped that one up a few years after I wrote it, though,” Emma said and she laughed a little bit before she chewed idly at her bottom lip. “I only wrote two letters. It’s not like there were hundreds of them but--yeah. The second one I wrote on what would’ve been our tenth anniversary. I still have it. I think I put it in an old box that’s up in the attic. It might be downstairs, though, I really don’t know anymore. It’s been a while.”

“I see.”

“Maybe one day I’ll let you read it, but I’m not ready for that yet.”

“I understand completely, Emma.”

Regina wasn’t sure she was ready to read that letter either, but she was admittedly curious about what Emma had written on what would’ve been their tenth anniversary together. She sighed with a shuddery exhale and grabbed her coffee cup off the table. She grabbed Emma’s as well and poured the last of the coffee from the pot in each cup, Emma startling her when she was suddenly right beside her with the milk and the cream, pouring the milk into Regina’s cup and then the cream into her own.

“Where do we go from here?” Emma asked, her voice quiet and small.

“I don’t know.” Regina shook her head. She really didn’t know. “I meant what I said last night,” she said after a few long seconds of falling into a trance as she stared longingly into Emma’s intense eyes. “About Henry, I mean. I meant it when I said that you don’t have to do this alone. I will stay for as long as you need me here. For as long as you both need me here.”

“You will?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mean here?” Emma said as she gestured to the house in confusion. “Or here as in Storybrooke?”

_I want to come home,_ she thought sadly, and she had to force a smile before she felt the lump rising higher in her throat once more. _What do you want? What do you need?_ It was two questions she wanted to ask Emma, but whatever confidence and surety she had gained had quickly faded.

“I--I don’t want to confuse Henry,” Emma whispered as she picked up her coffee and took a tentative sip. “He walked in on us.”

“I’m fully aware.”

“He has questions, I’m sure.”

“He is a teenager, Emma. I’m sure he’ll understand without having to ask us any of those difficult questions,” Regina replied. She said it because she was in the process of trying to convince herself of that very point. “I’m sure he is anything but confused.”

“Have you met this kid?” Emma scoffed. “Of course he’ll have questions, Regina. What kid wouldn’t after walking in on his moms like that?”

“I was never--I’m not--”

“You don’t get it, do you, Regina?” Emma said with a small, sad shake of her head as more tears formed in her eyes but didn’t yet fall. She inhaled deeply, centering herself before she took another tentative sip of her coffee. “When you first left us, do you know what he asked me?” Emma asked. Regina shook her head no. “He asked me why his mom left him. His _mom_ , Regina. Even though he never called you that before you left, that is exactly how he thought of you, as his other mother. Do you know what he asked me when you left last week?”

Regina shook her head no again, almost afraid to speak as her emotions were running high and wild once again. She cleared her throat, swallowing past the lump, and shook her head again before she asked, “What did he ask you?”

“He asked me if you’d ever be his mom again. If you’d even want to be,” Emma said in a faint whispered but Regina heard it loud and clear. “I didn’t know what to tell him and he got pissed off, like really pissed off to the point where he took off and I spent all night looking for him. I found him out in the forest, crying, soaked to the bone since it’d rained all night. I’m not the only one who missed you, Regina. I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand why you left and never came back.”

“I was never his mother. You are. He only has one--”

“That’s where you’ve always been wrong, Gina. You’ve been as much of a mother to him as I have. You were right there from the start. Do you--do you remember when you used to read to him when I was eight months pregnant and he’d keep me up all night moving around and kicking? Whenever you read to him, he just calmed down instantly, you know? He loved you just as he loved me from the moment he was born into this crazy, fucked up world. Regina, Henry has always had two moms whether you want to believe it or not. You and me? We were in this together. We kind of still are, aren’t we?”

They were, especially after yesterday. If anything though, hearing Emma tell her those things made the guilt she carried inside feel heavier and it was a burden she wasn’t so sure she could handle at all. Not now, not after last night. Not after everything that had happened, and definitely not after being gone for ten years. But last night had been sort of an affirmation that the love was still very much there between them despite that they both had tried--and failed--to move on with their lives.

Emma was right, too, about how it felt as if not a day had passed by without being with one another. It had felt like that last night, it had felt like that earlier that morning, and it _still_ felt like it now.

Her thoughts began to turn dark as she stared down into her coffee cup, suddenly wishing it was something far stronger. She needed something stronger. Something to numb everything that she was feeling because it was easier. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to fight her demons for much longer and quite frankly she was _tired_ of fighting them. Caving into her demons, give in to her cravings, it all seemed so much easier than trying to figure everything else out, and it would give her the release and the relief she’d been craving since the last time she’d had a drink.

The sound of Henry’s laughter coming from the front of the house as the front door suddenly opened and it pulled her free from those dark thoughts that had pulled her in hard just as suddenly. She watched as Emma plastered a smile on her face, a mask firmly in place. Regina quickly wiped away her tears as she heard the front door shut and she too plastered a smile on her face, though it hurt her cheeks and probably looked as fake as it felt. Despite it all, she kept that smile plastered on her face just as Emma was doing too.

There was still so much more that needed to be said, but they wouldn’t have a chance to now that Henry had come back home. They needed to finish their conversation no matter how hard it’d been to get to where they were now. It had already been ten years too long they’d both waited to talk and they’d barely only just begun, and now, now Regina wasn’t even sure when or if they’d continue their long overdue talk.

Emma looked over at Regina, the stoic mask she’d put in place faltering as she pleaded with Regina silently not to say a word. The words “I’m sorry” were mouthed as she let the mask fall back into place and the smile forced its way back over her lips tightly.

“Mom?” Henry called out. “Is it safe to come home yet? Everyone decent in here?”

Regina felt her cheeks grow hot and Emma sighed as she shook her head. It was becoming clear that Emma wasn’t sure how to deal with her son when it came to what happened earlier either, but they really didn’t have much of a choice. They had to face the music whether they were ready to or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who continue to leave comments, I don't know how to thank you or pay forward my gratitude. Just know that every time I see your comments in my inbox, it makes my day and it makes the hundreds of hours that I've spent writing and editing this story absolutely worth it!


	21. Chapter 21

Regina wanted to run. The urge, the itch to flee almost too strong to fight, yet she stayed. She stayed even though every ounce of her being was telling her to run away as fast and as far as she could. She stayed even when she could hear the sound of Henry and Robyn’s laughter getting closer to the kitchen. She stayed even after she glanced over at Emma and saw her face was flushed pink with embarrassment.

“Mom?” Henry called out again. “Seriously, are you guys decent now? Is it safe?”

“Henry, you are so gross! It’s your moms! Nobody wants to see their parents having sex!” Robyn scolded him. They were just out in the hall, still out of sight. “Seriously, Hen, you just spent the last hour whining about how traumatized you are after walking in on them this morning, and now you’re joking about it?”

“Hey, I’m just happy that they’re back together and--hey!” Henry said with an awkward laugh as he and Robyn finally appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Everything cool, Mom? Is it okay to be here right now?”

“Sure, kid,” Emma replied before she walked over to him and lazily slung an arm around his shoulders even though it was a reach with him being a whole foot taller than her. “What have you two been up to, hmm? Did you guys get something to eat yet?”

Regina looked over at her niece and smiled, the smile on her face not as fake or forced as the one that had been there mere moments before. “Hello, Robyn,” she said. Robyn smiled as she walked over to her and gave her a short yet tight hug. “How have you been?”

“Great! Just enjoying the summer, you know?” Robyn chuckled. “And for the record, Em,” she said as she looked over at Emma who still had her arm slung around Henry’s shoulders. “Hen wants to go to Portland to buy a new skateboard. I already told him no. He’s acting like a petulant royal child.”

“Yeah, that is a huge no, kid,” Emma said as she looked up at him. “You know that you’re not allowed to do that, Henry. You’re out on bail which means--”

“What?” Henry challenged as he moved away from her. “I thought I couldn’t leave Storybrooke until Monday? It’s Sunday. Technically I can go wherever I want, right?”

“No,” Emma said firmly. “You are not going to Portland. Or anywhere else. Do you really think that is a good idea anyway, kid? After _everything_ that just happened? You’re still in a lot of trouble.”

“I told him it was a bad idea,” Robyn said before she playfully slugged Henry in the shoulder. “I told you so, Hen. Why don’t you ever listen to me? I’m older _and_ wiser.”

“Whatever,” Henry mumbled under his breath as he rubbed at the shoulder Robyn had just hit. “But, Mom, you don’t get it. I need a board! I know you said I have to wait until all of this is over, but--”

“You’re not going out and buying a new one today or any time in the near future. End of story.”

“But what am I supposed to do for the rest of the summer, Mom?”

“You’re grounded. You’re on house arrest. I’m fairly sure you can’t skateboard inside the house, kid. Whatever else you’ve come up with to try and convince me, consider me unconvinced. Story. End of. Period.”

“I told you,” Robyn muttered quietly. “Em, I have an old board he can use ‘til everything is all cleared up and when he’s you know, a free man again,” Robyn offered after a beat. “I mean if that’s okay with you? It’s just at the house. We won’t go anywhere else, and we can just skate here out front when we get back.”

Emma ran a hand over her head and groaned. “Not a good idea,” she said as she glared over at her son. “You’re on house arrest, kid. There is no way around it. We’re not discussing it any further. This isn’t a negotiation.”

“I’m only supposed to be here when it’s dark out,” Henry protested in disbelief. “What am I supposed to do all day now? Sit in my room with my thumb up my ass? You’re not even going to let me skate out front with Robyn?”

“Henry--”

“Come on, Mom, I mean, I just walked in on you and Regina this morning. I’m traumatized! Do you think I wanted to see _that_?” Henry scrunched his face up and shuddered. “I’m gonna need like therapy or something. A new board will be a hell of a lot cheaper than weekly sessions with Dr. Hopper, don’t you think?”

Regina could see how angry Emma was growing by the second, how tense her shoulders were, and that she was also holding back on really getting mad at Henry for acting the way that he was right now. Regina wanted nothing more than to reach out and rub out the knots out that were forming in Emma’s neck, but she didn’t move from where she stood and continued to watch it all unfold.

“It’d be just like when we were kids,” Robyn offered with a smile. “We’ll skate out in front of the house. Please, Em?”

“Please, Mom?”

Emma rubbed at the back of her neck and sighed. “You’re not getting a new board,” she said flatly yet firmly. “If Robyn has one you can use, then fine. You’re not going anywhere else other than out front. Do you understand me, Henry?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And for the record,” Emma stated as she stole a quick glance over at Regina before turning to look back at her teenage son, “Regina and I are not back together.”

“Whatever,” Henry said with a sigh. “Well, can we go get her old board then, Mom? We’ll be right back.”

“There and back,” Emma replied with an exasperated sigh. “You have ten minutes.”

“Actually, Em, we might need a bit more than ten minutes. All the stuff that Ma and I brought over from London is still stashed away in the attic and in the garage. I have no idea where my old board is exactly, but I know it’s there. Somewhere. Tossed it with all the old stuff when I got my new one last year.”

“Fine. Twenty minutes. Is that enough time, Robyn?”

“Should be. See you later, Em! Bye Aunt Regina! Oh!” Robyn stopped following Henry out of the kitchen suddenly and looked at Regina with wide eyes. “Grandma wants to know if you’re going to be staying at the house?”

“I--how does she even know that I’m here?”

“Ma told her everything.”

Because of course Zelena did. Regina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as Emma shrugged.

“You’re gonna stay here, aren’t you?” Henry asked as he reappeared in the kitchen doorway, his house keys in hand. “Mom?” He looked over at Emma expectantly. “Is she staying here with us?”

All eyes were suddenly on Regina. She coughed lightly as she placed a hand to her abdomen and tried to calm the nerves that were becoming very unsettled, more so than they had been up to that point. The only one Regina could even look at in that very moment was Emma, and despite knowing that this was all happening too fast and far too soon, she knew in her heard just where she wanted to be.

Where she needed to be.

Home. She needed to be there, right there, at home.

“I--I think we need to talk about this first,” she said to Emma, who simply just nodded in agreement. “I did promise you that I’d stay here to work on your case, Henry, and we have a lot to do before we make another appearance in front of a judge to see about getting your charges dropped.”

“So,” Henry drawled out with a look of disappointment on his face, one that he tried to cover by running his hands through his shaggy hair. “So, you’re not back together?” The question lingered in the air, fueling the growing tension that hung between all of them. “Whatever. Come on, Robyn, let’s get out of here and let them figure their shit out. Been long overdue if you ask me.”

“Henry, language, please,” Emma groaned as she rubbed idly at the side of her face. “Twenty minutes, kid,” she reminded him. “I’ll call Booth to hunt you down and bring you home in handcuffs if I have to.”

“Yeah, yeah I got it, Mom.”

As soon as the two of them had walked out of the kitchen, Emma turned to Regina with a perplexed look. Regina couldn’t help but shake her head and laugh at little.

“Yeah, you think it’s funny now,” Emma said under her breath. “Wait until he doesn’t come back. Like I said before, he’s turning into his fucking father.”

“Language, Emma,” Regina said teasingly and some of the tension that had settled between them started to lift as Emma managed to laugh a little, too. “Henry is _nothing_ like his father,” she said as she tried to reassure her. “He is going to be a much better man than his father ever was. Just you wait and see.”

“God, I really hope so.”

Regina hoped so too. Henry was nothing like she had expected him to be, but he was also nothing like she’d feared he’d be either. Emma had done her best raising him for the last ten years without her, though with his attitude lately, it really didn’t show at all, not until moments where it truly mattered.

_You’ve always been as much of a mother to him as I have._

_Henry has always had two moms whether you want to believe it or not._

Those words were continuing to run rampant through her mind. Henry had barely acknowledged her when he came into the kitchen, but she couldn’t blame him. He’d done the same thing the previous weekend, though it had been different then. Regina was beginning to realize one thing she’d been refusing to see all this time, and that was the fact that Henry was acting very much like a child who had lost his other parent. He didn’t just lose his father to suicide ten years ago, he’d also lost the woman he’d looked at as his other mother not long after that.

“I think that’s yours,” Emma said when the sound of buzzing started to come from one of the two cell phones that were charging on the kitchen counter. “I’m just gonna, you know, go and jump in the shower.”

“All right,” Regina said as she picked up her phone, unplugging it from the charger as she looked down at the screen. She answered as soon as she saw it was Kathryn calling. “Hello, Kathryn,” she said lightly. “I know that I promised I would call you, but--”

“Is everything all right, Regina?” Kathryn asked in a rush and she sounded worried.

“I don’t think so,” she sighed and walked over to the back door. Though Emma wasn’t in the kitchen any longer, she unlocked the door and stepped out onto the back stoop and took a deep breath of the fresh and warm morning air. “Henry got himself into quite a bit of trouble I don’t think I’ll be coming back home for the next couple of days at least, possibly a little longer than that.”

“How long do you think?”

“A week, maybe.”

“A week?” Kathryn groaned. “Did you know that bitch showed up here half an hour ago demanding to see you and I told her you are on bereavement leave and she just refused to leave. It’s Sunday, Regina. You don’t even work on Sundays, do you? I had to call the police to get her to leave!”

“Kathryn--”

“I cannot continue to stay here if this is going to be a regular thing with your shady-ass clients, Regina. If you aren’t going to be here, I think I’m going to book a flight to Portland and stay with my father until I fly to Tokyo. I know the original plan got thrown up in the air in the first place, but I only stayed because you were here. You’re not even here now. Another thing…”

Kathryn’s voice began to fade out as Regina looked out around the backyard. While it wasn’t big, not like the yard at her parents’ house, it had been just big enough for them before. Now the grass was overgrown, and weeds were slowly beginning to take over where the firepit was, and it all looked as if almost the whole space had been long forgotten about. Despite the state that the yard was in, it still brought back a lot of memories, happy ones, mostly ones where she, Emma, and Henry would play and were free to be the family they truly had been, all away from the prying eyes of neighbors, friends, and family.

It was a moment like that on top of just being there that brought back that feeling she’d stayed away from for far too long. She missed being in that house, she missed Emma and Henry, she missed the family they used to be together even if at the time she never considered herself to be Henry’s other mother. It was why she had stayed away because she hadn’t been ready to feel that regret of leaving all those years ago.

That fear, that regret, the guilt, it was all slipping back into place with ease and that fear of feeling that undeniable pull that would make her want to run, to say, it was there too. It had been there since the moment she walked into the house the day before, and it was still there now. It had been that fear of feeling that that had kept her from coming back all those years and now she was feeling regret because she hadn’t tried to go back at all. But she had to stay now, at the very least for the next week. She’d promised Henry that much.

Yet, deep down all she wanted was just to come back and stay for good. To leave her life in New York City behind and start over again where it all had started.

She wanted to come back and live in the pace of a small-town life, to be surrounded by people who didn’t have some kind of hidden agenda or selfish purpose they were living out. She wanted to be far away from people like the shady clients she’d accumulated over the years, shady-ass clients as Kathryn had so eloquently put, and she wanted to be surrounded by genuine people again, just like she used to be.

She had become the person she hated most. She needed to find herself again. She couldn’t do that in New York or anywhere else but right in the very place she’d spent the first twenty-three years of her life.

“Kathryn,” Regina said suddenly after not hearing a word that Kathryn had said in the last couple of. Minutes, but saying her name had made Kathryn stop talking abruptly. “I need a favor. A big one.”

“A favor?” Kathryn sounded surprised. “All right. Name it, but you owe me, Regina.”

Without hesitation, without thinking, Regina responded. “I’m going to stay in Storybrooke for a while,” she said. “The favor I am asking of you, Kathryn, is if you could please pack up my things in my apartment and down in the office? If it is too much, at the very least could you hire someone to do it while I stay here in Storybrooke?”

“You’re staying there?”

“Yes.”

“Indefinitely?”

“Yes, Kathryn. I’m staying here indefinitely.” Regina paused as she waited for Kathryn to say the things she feared she would, for Kathryn to tell her that it was a bad idea or that maybe she’d gone crazy and wasn’t thinking clearly. It never came. “I’ll need a couple of days to get everything in motion. I’ll call Anita and explain everything to her before--”

“You’re just going to leave your life here to be in Storybrooke?” Kathryn sounded so very confused and Regina couldn’t blame her. It likely seemed to come out of nowhere and it had in a way. “Are you sure about this, Regina?”

“Yes, I am, Kathryn.”

Thankfully, Kathryn didn’t need any more of an explanation and agreed to the favor Regina had asked of her. Regina promised she’d call the next day, explaining that she had a few other phone calls to make before she could give the go-ahead for Kathryn to start packing up her things for her.

She had a _lot_ of phone calls to make, she realized, but first, she’d have to call Anita and explain everything to her before she called anyone else. There were colleagues she had to call, ones she knew just may be willing to take on some if not all of her clients for her after her sudden and immediate departure. She also had to make a few calls after she figured out just how she’d get all her things from New York to Storybrooke and where she would end up storing them until she figured out just where she was going to stay.

She couldn’t stay there, at the house. They weren’t there yet, not even close, and even if they were, Regina wasn’t ready.

She hung up the phone, her hands shaking slightly, her whole body feeling tense. She hastily slipped her phone into the back pocket of her jeans as she stepped off the back stoop down onto the long grass with her bare feet. She took a deep breath, inhaling the warm and fresh morning air and she took a few steps, each one leading her to the middle of the yard and towards the firepit that was overgrown with weeds and grass. Little memories started to come back to her from a time when her life had been far different, harder yet easier at the same time.

She let her thoughts take over and one particular memory came rushing back. Before she knew it, she was sitting down on the bridge on the edge of the fireplace, lost within that memory completely.

[…]

It was one of those rare afternoons they got to spend time together doing absolutely nothing and with Henry, doing nothing was one of the best feelings in the world. At three, he was a very bright child and had such an adventurous heart that even a trek through their small back yard was the greatest adventure of all time in his mind.

“Mommy, I see you!” Henry squealed as he found Emma hiding behind the shed, poorly hiding at that as she was holding a rake in front of her while being wedged between the shed and the fence.

Regina held back her laughter from where she hid behind an overgrown Arrowwood bush that was near the gate. She was careful to keep her cover—and her winning streak of being the last to be found during their hide-n-seek games. Still, she snuck a peak just in time to see Emma scrambling after Henry for a few steps before scooping him up into her arms and peppering his chubby cheeks with kisses.

“Now, go find Gina,” she heard Emma say to Henry just before she let him back down on his feet. She watched as Emma over-dramatically yawned and pointed in her direction and then quickly hid back behind the bush as Henry rushed over as quickly as his feet could take him.

Henry ran right past the bush and tried to reach up for the little lever that unlocked the gate. It happened so quickly and unexpectedly that he actually got the latch open and he was off in a flash, heading straight down to the street. She was right behind him in a flash, scooping him up before he made it past the front of the house.

“See?” Henry giggled as Regina just held him close. “I found you too, Gina!”

“Henry--”

“Front yard is out of bounds,” Emma said a little breathlessly as she caught up. “You know that, Henry. Hide’n’seek is in the backyard only.”

“Sorry, Mommy,” Henry said sheepishly before he buried his head in Regina’s neck. “You mad at me too?”

“Never, my little prince, but you know the rules. Backyard only when we play outside,” Regina whispered before she kissed the top of his head and carried him into the backyard with Emma right behind her. Once the gate shut, Regina grinned and whispered into Henry’s ear, “Let’s get her.”

“With tickles and kisses?”

“Yes.”

She placed Henry down on his feet before they both took off towards an unsuspecting Emma who was making sure the latch on the gate was locked this time. As soon as she realized they were coming from her, Emma quickly darted out of the clutches of Henry’s grabby hands and ran towards the back fence. Regina knew which way Emma would go, it was the same every time they played around in the yard or in the house. She hung back, watching and laughing as Henry tried to chase his mother down and failed miserably.

Regina made her move when Emma suddenly jumped to the left and circled back, her eyes on Henry as he stopped, confused, and turned around before chasing after her again. Emma ran straight into Regina’s waiting arms and they fell to the ground a little hard, laughing as Regina held her down. Henry was there quickly, tickling his mother until Emma cried out for mercy.

“You always cheat,” Emma laughed and Regina just lifted a hand to wipe the tears that came from laughing too hard away from the corner of Emma’s eyes. “You always take his side. It’s not fair.”

“Don’t pout, darling, you sound like you’re Henry’s age.”

“Maybe you’d be nicer to me if I was,” Emma said, pouting some more until Regina kissed it away with not one, not two, but three little kisses, much like she did with Henry. “Kiss me like you mean it, Gina.”

“Always,” she smiled before capturing Emma’s lips in a passionate kiss that, if it hadn’t been for Henry trying to put himself in the middle of them, would’ve quickly gone out of control. They lay there afterward, staring up at the fluffy white clouds in the sky. “I love you both so very much,” she said to Emma who had Henry laying on her chest. “So very, very much.”

“We love you too, Regina. We love you too…”

[…]

It was little moments like that and so much more just like that that had happened over the years that Regina had missed so longingly. It was something she’d never get back nor was it something she could ever apologize for missing out on all that time. She couldn’t make up for lost time, it just wasn’t possible, and she knew that.

What she could do, however, was be there in that moment and every moment that followed from there on out. All she could do was do her best to make up for not being there before. She could create new memories, not just with Emma, but with Henry.

It would be much different, of course, with Henry being a moody teenager now and not the adorable and sweet little boy she remembered. He had an agenda of his own and was headed down on a path that wasn’t necessarily the right one. Henry wasn’t a bad kid, he had just made some questionable choices that had gotten him into some serious trouble. He would get back on the right path, Regina had no doubt about it, but he was very much like his mother in that way as he wouldn’t be able to do it alone.

“Henry’s supposed to cut the grass every Saturday,” Emma said from behind her, startling her a little. “Guess it doesn’t matter much if he does it back here or not. We don’t--we haven’t hung out back here in a long time.”

“He should still be held accountable when his chores are left incomplete or ignored.”

Emma laughed as she ran a hand over her head, her hair now pulled back into a tight, high ponytail. “Yeah,” she sighed. “He should. You’re right. I don’t have the energy to fight with him over it anymore, so you’re more than welcome to have that talk with him if you’d like. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”

Regina nodded though she was sure Henry had more than enough on his plate right now with the charges looming over his head that threatened to take away his freedom for the rest of his teenage years. Emma knew it too, just as they both knew something had to be done about Henry and the trouble he seemed to keep finding himself in the middle of.

“Everything okay?” Emma asked and Regina nodded, again. “Did you want me to leave you alone? You were on the phone for a while and I thought you were done so I--”

“It’s fine. I have asked Kathryn to pack up my apartment,” she said as she stammered at the surprised look that fell upon Emma’s face. “I’ve decided that I am not going to be going back to New York,” she added quietly. “I have a lot of phone calls to make, but those can wait until tomorrow. I need to clear some things up with my mother, first of all, as I’ll need to stay with her for a while until I can--”

“You can stay here.” Emma’s voice was quiet. Regina had to do a double-take as she wasn’t sure if she’d heard Emma correctly. Emma half-shrugged as she slipped her hands into the back pockets of her jeans she was now wearing. “I mean if you want to. It’s still your home too and--”

“We’re not there yet, Emma.”

“I know, I just--I know how your mother is, and I know for a fact that staying with her for longer than a couple of days is gonna drive you batshit crazy. Not to mention the fact that she is, well, she is the way she is.”

Regina laughed. “It’ll only be until I find somewhere else to stay,” she said. “But thank you for the offer to stay here, Emma. I--I appreciate it.”

“It’s an open one, the offer,” Emma said quickly as if she was trying to clarify her words. “Just so you know. Whenever you’re ready, whatever you decide.”

“Thank you,” Regina replied sincerely. “We still have quite a bit to talk about.”

“I know.” Emma sighed. She shrugged that little half-shrug again. “I’ve got a few things to do today, groceries you know, and a few other little errands. Do you want to come?”

“I don’t think that is such a great idea.” Regina paused as Emma looked deflated, her eyes showing a sadness she wondered if she had to get used to seeing now. “But,” she added as she took a step towards Emma and offered a small smile. “Could you possibly drop me off at my mother’s house before you go off to do your errands?”

“Sure,” Emma replied and she offered a small smile of her own. “Henry should be back soon, so we’ll head out as soon as he gets back.”

“All right.”

Regina waited for Emma to disappear back inside the house before she wriggled her bare toes in the long grass then looked up to stare at the clouds in the sky. Everything was beginning to sink in, truly sink in, and the longer she was out in the backyard of the house she once called home, the more she knew she was doing what she’d never thought she’d do in her lifetime.

Run. Run right back to the place--and the person--she’d run away from in the first place.


	22. Chapter 22

It was just her luck that her mother wasn’t home when Emma dropped her off at the front gate. It was still early, but her sister wasn’t back either, and the house felt too quiet and too empty with just her there in it. It gave her ample opportunity to wander throughout the house without distractions and without anyone to bother her. She purposely avoided the den for the first half an hour she was there because she wasn’t so sure she was even ready to be alone in a place her father spent so much of his time in.

It was different now than it had been when she’d been there before. The grief hit her a little harder, and the emptiness, the _quiet_ of the house wasn’t helping any at all.

Being back in that house had forced her to start fighting her demons once again, only it wasn’t just the past she was trying to ignore. It was last night and everything that had happened leading up to it, it was that morning and how Henry and then her sister had walked in on her and Emma. It was what had happened afterward and then after that phone call, the memory that had come back so strong that made those demons of hers make their presence known. Loud and clear.

She had truly believed those demons wouldn’t come back to the surface, not as they did and they did so relentlessly. It wasn’t just her demons she was fighting. It was guilt. It was remorse. It was _everything_.

Regina felt tense. Her hands were shaking as she walked into the kitchen and stared at the gleaming counters and the shiny appliances, big and small. She clenched her fists as she knew, like the rest of the house, the kitchen had been cleaned by a professional. If there was one thing she knew best about her mother, it was the simple fact that her mother never cleaned. Not like that, at least.

There was an odd feeling of uncomfortableness as she lingered in the kitchen, but it was a feeling she had expected from the moment she walked in the front door. It was expected partially because it wasn’t her home anymore as it hadn’t been for a very long time, but mostly because she realized that she was finally beginning to lose the ongoing battle she’d been fighting against her inner demons.

Her eyes landed on an empty bottle of wine left on the countertop. It made her clench her fists a little tighter at her sides and she was losing the battle even more so as every ounce of her being was craving just a sip, just a small sip to chase away her demons for another day.

Deep down she knew being alone in that house was a bad idea. A terrible one. Her self-control had been tested over the last three months or so, but now she was facing the ultimate test as there was nothing or nobody stopping her from searching through the house for any kind of alcohol that would take the edge off. She gave in, defeated, and walked over to the refrigerator with a heavy sigh. Knowing her mother, there was definitely alcohol stored away inside and her mouth watered at the simple thought of having a drink for the first time in months. A drink she knew wouldn’t magically chase away her demons, but it would silence them for the time being.

There was a hint of hesitation as she grabbed onto the handle of the door and her eyes landed on the small magnetic whiteboard near the top of the refrigerator door. There was a simple grocery list written out on it along with a couple of names and numbers on the bottom that looked as if they’d been written down recently. Regina didn’t recognize any of the names and she shook her head as she looked at the small collage of pictures on the door beside it. There were pictures of Robyn as a young child, pictures of Robyn and Henry from what looked to be a few years ago on Christmas, photos of all of them including her father during what looked like a family trip down south somewhere as it was on a tropical-looking beach.

_Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed._

She was starting to see more evidence of just how different things were now, and it was slowly eating her alive with guilt and remorse. She felt like she’d failed so many people in her life, people that mattered, her family. She did fail them. She left. She packed a bag and ran and didn’t come back for a little over ten years because she had been selfish.

Without thinking much more about it, Regina opened the refrigerator door and looked inside. Everything was neatly put away and organized, a trait she’d picked up from her mother unknowingly just like some of the others. Her own refrigerator looked eerily the same and she’d done it all unknowingly. With a shake of her head, she gripped the handle on the door a little tighter as her eyes fell upon the small, unlabeled bottle that sat on the middle shelf, taunting her. It wasn’t wine, she knew that from the soft amber color of the liquid inside, and she licked her lips as she took the bottle out and pulled open the cork that had been pushed in halfway.

She’d always loved her father’s cider, especially when it had been a good year for the harvest. From what she could remember of the last conversation she’d had with her father; the latest batch was his best in years. As she lifted the bottle she inhaled the intoxicating around and her mouth watered as the last of her fight withered and died inside of her in an instant. She lifted the bottle to her lips and took a small sip at first, letting the refreshing and smooth taste of the cider ripple and flow over her tongue and down her throat in one fluid motion.

It tasted refreshing.

It tasted like guilt.

It also tasted like regret.

And it sure as hell didn’t stop her from taking another swig from the bottle though and then another before she took it with her as she strolled out of the kitchen and into the foyer. After she took a few steps, pausing to listen to the way her footsteps echoed off the marble floor and the walls, she took another sip from the bottle and signed contentedly as she relished in the crisp, refreshing taste of her father’s cider she had gone so long without.

Regina took another swig from the bottle as she walked into the study--a room that had always been off-limits to her as a child. It was kept just as immaculate as the rest of the house, save for the pile of papers on the desk by the windows. She took another swig of the cider as she walked over to the desk and sat down in the large, oversized leather chair. She inhaled deeply, staring at the bottle in her hand before taking another swig.

Curiosity began to get to the better of her as she stared at the pile of papers in front of her. She lifted a few from the top and looked over them. Most of the documents were bills with a little check mark at the top right corner of the ones that had been paid. She scoffed as she realized that was yet another little habit she’d inherited from her mother unintentionally. She went through a few more of the papers before she realized all that was there were invoices and bills for the house and for her father’s brewery that’d be opening to the public in a handful of months.

Regina had never been one to snoop, especially not through her parents’ things and definitely not through their paperwork, whether it was just bills or not. She placed the papers back into the pile as she’d found them and glanced over at the bar cart that sat near the door. She frowned as she lifted the bottle of cider to her lips and downed the last little bit that was left.

The thirst for something stronger was driving her to the brink of insanity.

Quite literally.

She returned to the kitchen, rinsing out the bottle and placed it into a bin under the sink where several other similar empty bottles were sitting. Her hands were shaking as she grabbed a small glass and filled half of it with ice and as if on autopilot, she returned to the study. The cart that sat near the door only had two crystal decanters sitting on it. She picked up the one that was a little fuller than the other and pulled the cork off. One sniff had her pulling a face. Gin. She _hated_ gin.

With a scrunch of her face and a groan, she put the cork back in and reached for the other that was half-filled with a liquor that was a soft yet rich amber color. She pulled off the cork and lifted the bottle, sighing contently as the strong aroma hit her senses hard.

Scotch whisky. One of her father’s favorites after his cider. Her hands continued to shake uncontrollably as she poured some into her glass over the ice, the ice clinking rather loudly against the sides of the glass as she filled it up more than halfway. With a bit of hesitation, she poured just a little more before she put the cork back into the decanter and placed it back on the tray. She left the study, carrying her glass with her as she walked through the house and to the back door in the kitchen. She stepped outside, the ice clinking in the glass as she turned her head up to the warmth of the mid-morning sun shining down on her.

Regina exhaled shakily as she sat down at the table, her hands still shaking, her body stiff and tense.

That first sip tasted good, too good, and she exhaled sharply before taking another. She placed the glass down on the table in front of her and closed her eyes, groaning softly as she felt a slight buzz start to course its way through her body.

Regina knew she was making a mistake, a big one. Giving into her demons and letting them win that never-ending fight was her admitting defeat. But, for right now and in that very moment, she just didn’t care anymore. She needed that release, one she could only find with one thing. Alcohol. Her mind was filled with far too many thoughts for her to deal with at the moment and all she wanted was to quiet them long enough to keep a firm hold on to what little was left of her sanity. Her mind was filled with new memories, too, and not even the delicious burn of the scotch whisky could chase away the thoughts that came with remembering that morning and the night before.

Every inch of her body was remembering every touch, every kiss, each one ghosting its way over her again and again as she sat there with her eyes closed tightly and her body buzzing from the alcohol. Even with her eyes closed tightly, she couldn’t ignore the ghosting of Emma’s hands, lips, tongue, and her body that coursed its way through and all over her. She couldn’t even chase the way the images of Emma that bombarded her as she gave in to the feeling of remembering every single little moment from the night before and earlier that morning.

Blindly she reached out for her glass and gasped as the glass slipped a little between her fingers. She exhaled hard as she steadied her grip on the glass and lifted it to her lips. She tried to focus on the soft sound of the ice clinking in the glass as she inhaled the strong scent of the liquor before she took a slow, drawn-out sip that both burned and brought the relief she was chasing.

Even she knew it was useless to try to not think of what happened between her and Emma and she just let those thoughts, those memories bombard her and envelop her completely.

Emma was still in love with her. She had admitted it freely and had shown it over and over again in every kiss and every touch, with every laugh that escaped past her lips, and with eyes that looked at her as if no one else even existed in the world.

Emma was still in love with her and hadn’t tried to hide it once during their night together, and not once when they’d woken up together early that morning. Emma was still in love with her and had been so afraid that Regina regretted all of it. She was so afraid that they’d made a mistake.

It hadn’t been a mistake, though Regina did still have some doubts. It couldn’t be a mistake if she’d wanted it just as badly as Emma did. It wasn’t a mistake if it’d been all she’d been dreaming of for the last decade, and it wasn’t a mistake even if she felt riddled with guilt.

The guilt was coming from the liquor. It was coming from the choices she was making, the mistakes that were unfolding, and the new set of doubts that were emerging.

Gods, she wanted nothing more than to find her way back to Emma Swan, to live her life with Emma Swan and her son just as they used to. She wanted nothing more than to find her place in Emma and Henry’s life again. She wanted to figure out how to do things differently this time, to do them right, to see just how different things had become, and to be the reason things changed again for the better. She couldn’t turn back the clock and go back in time to change her life to the way she so wished to now, but she could change the way the future went from that point forward.

At the sound of a car door slamming out in the driveway, Regina shakily lifted the glass to her lips again and attempted to down the rest of the liquor. It burned as she swallowed it down and she rushed back inside, pouring the ice into the sink and quickly rinsed out the glass just as her mother walked into the kitchen.

“Regina!” Cora said in surprise. She placed the paper bag of groceries down on the counter and laughed. “Zelena informed me of what happened the other night. Is Henry all right?”

“Yes, he’s fine, Mother,” Regina replied uneasily. “He is in a lot of trouble, but I’m--”

“I’m glad you decided to help him, dear,” Cora said a little flippantly as she waved a hand at her. “I would’ve, however, appreciated a phone call from you when you decided you would be staying here for a little while.”

“I was going to call but I--”

“When?”

Regina frowned and watched as her mother pulled out a fresh loaf of bread from the paper bag. She placed it down on the counter before reaching in for the bunch of kale. Cora shook her head and sighed exasperatingly as she opened the refrigerator door and placed the kale inside the crisper drawer.

“Honestly, Regina, a phone call isn’t that hard to make, dear,” Cora said as she shuffled back over to the bag and pulled out a few tomatoes. “Of course, if you need a place to stay while all of this gets sorted with Henry, you know you always have a home here.”

“Why do I feel as if there is some kind of condition to follow that offer?”

“Hmm?” Cora looked at her as she placed the tomatoes one by one on the counter. She sighed as she reached back into the bag and pulled out a small container of bean sprouts. “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“No, I--”

“You have,” Cora said tightly as she walked up to Regina and grabbed ahold of her chin before she could look away. “Didn’t you quit, dear?”

“I did.”

“Hmm, I see.”

Cora held her chin a little tighter, bordering on painful, and stared into her eyes with a steely gaze that made Regina’s insides crawl in fear. She released the hold on her chin and walked over to the refrigerator again to put the small container of bean sprouts inside.

“Is this going to be a problem, Regina?” Cora asked a moment later as she shut the refrigerator door with a little more force than necessary. “Your father mentioned that--”

“What?” Regina scoffed. “No, it’s not going to be a problem, Mother. I had one drink.”

It was a little white lie. It wasn’t just one drink, and her mother knew it, too. She could tell from the way that her mother just stared at her that she didn’t believe her at all. Cora shook her head with a scoff and continued to put away the groceries, and by the fifth trip she’d made to the refrigerator, she shook her head and scoffed again.

“Did you drink the cider I had in here?”

“No.”

“I could’ve sworn I put a bottle in there earlier,” Cora said tentatively. “How odd.”

“Perhaps you forgot that you drank it yourself, Mother.”

“I don’t think so, dear.”

Regina clenched her fists at her side, the buzz coursing its way through her body no longer serving as a relief but as more tension on top of the tension that was growing just with her interaction with her mother. Staying at the house with Emma and Henry was starting to look like a far better option even if it was impossible right now. What the hell had she been thinking when she thought that coming home to her mother’s house had been a good idea?

“Yoo-hoo!” Zelena’s voice rang loudly through the house and was followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut. “Mother, are you home?”

“In the kitchen, dear,” Cora replied and she turned to Regina with an eyebrow raised. “Perhaps I did forget to put it in there in the first place. Either way, are you staying here, Regina? If so, how long are you planning to stay?”

“Can I?”

“Of course you can,” Cora sighed. “As I said, you always have a home here, dear. The conditions you mentioned?” she said as she gave Regina a once over that made Regina cringe and step back. “I expect you to help out around here while you stay. Cooking, cleaning,” she said and she shook her head as she waved a hand around the kitchen. “Maria is off for the rest of the summer, unfortunately, so that means we all have to pitch in to help keep the house spick and span. You know how much work it takes to keep this place clean. It will be a team effort.”

“Regina!” Zelena laughed as she strolled into the kitchen. “I did not expect to see you here!”

“Hello, Zelena,” Regina replied drolly and rolled her eyes. The morning was just getting better and better, wasn’t it?

“Are you staying here?” Zelena asked before she walked over to the refrigerator and pulled the door open. “Mother, didn’t you put a bottle of cider in here this morning?”

“I thought I had, I must’ve forgotten,” Cora replied, her voice dripping in sarcasm. “Regina, could you be a dear and fetch a few bottles from the cellar for me?”

“I--”

“I thought you’d be staying with Emma.” Zelena deadpanned, a wide smile curling over her lips as Regina just glared at her. Cora looked a little surprised and a little amused. “What? Did Emma not want you to stay, Regina? Was one night one too many, hmm?”

“Emma?” Cora looked at Zelena in confusion and then turned her attention back to Regina. “Did you stay with Emma last night?”

“I did.”

“They’re back together,” Zelena said in a hushed whisper as she stood beside Cora and the two of them just laughed in delight. “You are back together, aren’t you, Regina?”

“No. We’re not,” she replied tightly and she headed for the door that led downstairs to the basement. “How many bottles should I bring up, Mother?”

“If they’re not together, why would you think they are?” Cora asked Zelena as Regina opened the basement door. “I’m utterly confused, dear.”

“It is none of your business! Either of you!” Regina snapped. She took a deep breath and asked, again, “how many bottles, Mother?”

“Three,” Cora replied flippantly with a wave of her hand. She nudged at Zelena with the other and laughed. “Zelena? Would you care to explain?”

Zelena clapped her hands together, ignoring the death glare Regina cast her way. “I went over there earlier, as you know, to check in on them after Robyn told me what happened to Henry. Lo and behold, Regina was in Emma’s bed.”

“Zelena, stop,” Regina muttered weakly.

“Is that right?” Cora asked.

“Yes,” Zelena said and she cackled. “Naked.”

“Naked?” Cora laughed as Regina stormed down the stairs, their voices carrying as she reached the bottom. “Does that. Mean that they--”

“Did they have sex?” Zelena’s laughter was louder and Regina gritted her teeth as she grabbed three bottles of her father’s cider out of a wooden crate. “Yes, yes I believe that they did. Henry confirmed that Regina had stayed there all night.”

“Zelena!” Regina growled as she stormed up the basement stairs, wanting nothing more than to smack the smirk off of her sister’s face. “You have no right to blab about my business!”

“I believe Mother should know whether you and Emma are back together, Regina.”

“It is my business! And, for the record, we’re not back together,” Regina said, her voice rising in volume and tone as she all but shoved the bottles of cider into the refrigerator and slammed the door shut. “You! You shouldn’t have even been there this morning. Why the hell were you even there in the first place? It was _early_!”

“I was concerned about my nephew, dear,” Zelena replied, the smirk growing as Regina stood there fuming and struggling to contain her swelling anger. “Besides, Emma is my _friend_ , Regina. I was concerned about how she was holding up over this whole thing with Henry. Forgive me for caring about my friend.”

“It was barely seven o’clock when you showed up!”

“Emma’s an early riser. I knew she’d be up,” Zelena chuckled. “It isn’t the first time--”

“It’s Sunday!”

“What is your point?”

“You are infuriating!” Regina growled as she turned to face her equally amused mother and it caused her anger to nearly burst out of her uncontrollably. “I am not back together with Emma, Mother. Don’t let Zelena put any of her ideas into your head. What happened last night and this morning is my business, not anyone else’s, especially not yours. Is that understood?”

“Are you going to be in denial about your relationship with Emma again, Regina? Because quite frankly, there is absolutely no need for that this time around,” Cora said and her voice was quiet and even, one might even mistake it as caring, but Regina didn’t. She tensed as her mother walked over to her and placed her hands on her shoulders. She stared at her for just a moment before pulling Regina in for a tight and awkward hug. “Do I need to tell you that I approve? That I am happy for you? That all I want is for you to find love again, dear?”

“Mother--”

“Or are you afraid that I’ll tell you that you can do so much better?” Cora asked, keeping a strong hold on her and not releasing her from the uncomfortable embrace. “I truly believe that you cannot do much better than Emma Swan, dear. She is a part of this family and it absolutely thrills me to know that you two are finding your way back to one another after all these years. I know that Emma loves you dearly still, though I cannot quite understand how she could after the way you left her. I do know that Emma is a very kind and loving soul and if she still loves you, there is a reason for that.”

Regina felt dizzy as she pulled free of her mother’s tight embrace and she smoothed her hands down her shirt with a scoff. “We are not back together,” she said harshly. “Drop it.” She turned to look at her sister angrily. “Especially you, Zelena. Not another word.”

“Oh, I see how it is. It’s a different kind of denial this time around, isn’t it?” Zelena snorted and Cora laughed. “Do grow up, Regina. You are not a child. You aren’t even in the closet anymore. There is no use in denying anything anymore. We all know about your Sapphic adventures with Emma Swan and possibly others over the years. There is no use in denying who you are anymore.”

“I am not denying anything!” Regina exclaimed as she threw her hands up in the air in defeat. “I am just telling you that Emma and I are not back together and you aren’t listening to me! I don’t know what led you to believe that--”

“You two were shagging when Henry and I walked in on you earlier!”

“Zelena!” Regina was about to lunge at her when Cora suddenly stepped between them, preventing her from making any sudden movements. “Gods, do you ever stop? Maybe coming back here was a mistake. Maybe I should just find somewhere else to stay while I’m here. Anywhere but here seems like a fantastic option!”

“Have another drink, dear, and do try to calm down,” Cora said gently though her voice was placating and dry. “Go ahead. Help yourself to whatever it is that is your poison of choice today.”

Zelena scoffed. “Regina doesn’t drink anymore, Mother.”

“Is that so?” Cora challenged. “Scotch whisky, is that right, dear?” she asked after she leaned forward and took a small, pointed sniff at Regina. “It was one of your father’s favorites, after all. I’m sure there is another bottle in the liquor cabinet.”

“Regina!” Zelena’s voice was shrill and it cut through her deep. Her ears were ringing and she shook her head as Zelena tried to approach her. “What the bloody hell are you thinking? You quit months ago! You can’t just--”

“I’m thinking that I need another drink, that’s what the _bloody hell_ I am thinking!” Regina yelled. “What do you care, Zelena? You were the one pushing me to have a drink the night before Daddy’s funeral. What makes it so different now?”

“What pushed you over the edge, dear? Indulge us. Certainly it is an intriguing story, is it not?” Zelena countered.

“Now, now, girls,” Cora said, keeping herself situated between the two. “No fighting. There is no need. You both can be far more mature than this, whatever this is.”

“I’m not--gods, Zelena, can’t you just mind your own fucking business for once?” Regina’s voice was loud and shrill. She was infuriated and unable to control her anger at all. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to come home in the first place!”

“As you know it is my business, Regina. You know, I shouldn’t be so surprised,” Zelena said flippantly. She could barely contain the smirk that curled over her red lips. “It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? Aren’t you the lucky one, hmm? The love of your life still loves you after you were a complete twit and--”

“Zelena, that is enough,” Cora said sternly. “Regina--Regina, where are you going?”

Regina couldn’t stay there a second longer and she was already storming out of the kitchen and headed for the side door. She couldn’t stand the sight of her sister. She couldn’t stand to hear the things she was saying even though they were true. She couldn’t even stand to be near her mother, either, but she had no place else to go.

All she knew was that she needed to get the hell out of there before she quite literally attacked her own sister in front of their mother.

Regina nearly walked out of the house, but backtracked quickly, heading for her bag she’d left near the front door earlier to grab her wallet and her phone. She turned to look back to make sure neither her mother or her sister were following her, and she walked out of the house, now determined to get as far away as she could and go to a place where she could take the edge off. Her anger was boiling beneath the surface of her skin. It scared her how intense it all felt, how strong it was as she’d never experienced an episode quite like that before in all her life.

Her heart was racing at full tilt and that delicious buzz she’d been chasing was beginning to wear off rather too quickly. Regina walked as if she had a purpose and a destination in mind, but she let her rage guide her. The walk led to her standing outside the Rabbit Hole and the walk had done nothing to let her cool off and calm down. In fact, it only made her cave harder into the urge to have another drink. Or two. Or four. Or ten.

Luckily for her, the Rabbit Hole was open despite it being Sunday morning and just an hour shy of eleven o’clock. She entered the dimly lit bar and wasn’t surprised in the least to find that a few of the regulars were already sitting at the bar with a drink. What did surprise her was that Claudia wasn’t there and in her place was a young man that she’d never seen or met before. Regina sat down on a stool far from the others and placed her wallet and her phone down on the counter in front of her.

“What can I get ya?” the young man asked as he wiped his hands on the rag he’d been using to dry a few glasses.

“Who are you?” Regina asked as she leaned onto the edge of the counter on her arms. The young man just raised an eyebrow curiously. “Where is Claudia?”

“It’s her day off,” he replied. He stuffed the rag into the back pocket of his blue jeans and stuck a hand out towards Regina. “I’m Jake.”

“Tillman’s nephew,” Leroy said as he moved to sit down on the stool one over from Regina. “Regina! What brings you here on a Sunday after--er, morning?”

“None of your business, Leroy,” she replied with a roll of her eyes before she flashed a friendly smile at Jake. “I’ll have a glass of your house white.”

“Can I make a better suggestion?” Jake asked timidly. “We have a nice full-bodied--”

“No,” Regina replied as she stared at the young bartender. “I know the house white is far better than the garbage you have here in the cellar on reserve. A glass, please. Fill it right to the top as well. Thank you.”

“Right, yes of course,” Jake stammered in reply. “Sorry, how did you--”

“Regina used to sling drinks here back in the day, Jakey-boy. Did the job a hundred times better than you if you ask me,” Leroy jeered and he laughed as Jake shook his head with a small sigh and retrieved the unlabeled bottle of the house white from the fridge. “You heard the lady. Right to the top, Jakey-boy!”

Jake just sighed and placed a rather large wine glass on a napkin in front of Regina. He pulled the cork out of the bottle and began to pour the white wine into the glass slowly. At about halfway, he started to finish off the pour and Regina shook her head and cleared her throat, motioning with a single finger towards the glass. He sighed again before he filled it almost to the brim. Regina smiled and gave him a curt nod before she slid her glass closer to her, careful not to spill a single drop as she lifted it to her lips and took a long and desperate sip.

Wine had always been her poison of choice. She enjoyed the taste of most wine, red and white and the occasional rosé. Wine had been what she’d been craving since her last drink more than three months ago. She took another long and desperate sip before she placed the glass back down on the napkin slowly.

“You know, you look like you could use something much stronger there,” Leroy piped up as he moved to sit on the stool directly next to her. “I know you never liked me much, Regina, but what do you say to a couple of shots, huh?”

“With you?”

“With me, without me, whatever. I’m offering to buy a round,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug and a grin. He reached up and scratched at his beard along his chin and smiled wider. “It’s always better to drink with someone than to drink alone.”

“Says the alcoholic.”

“Takes one to know one, sister.”

Regina rolled her eyes and trailed her fingertips along the stem of the glass, her short manicured nails scraping along gently. She turned to look at him with a sarcastic grin and said rather drolly, “It’s nice to see that the years have only made you into a greater asshole, Leroy.”

“I take pride in that,” he beamed and raised his glass of beer to her. “Cheers, sister.”

Regina muttered under her breath and she groaned when she wasn’t quick enough to pull her glass away before Leroy clinked his beer glass lightly against hers. She lifted it slowly and took another sip, one just as long and desperate as the first two. She closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling of the wine as she swirled it around in her mouth and then swallowed hard. She took another sip and exhaled sharply as she opened her eyes and found Leroy staring curiously at her.

All it took was a scowl for him to leave her alone after that. He joined a table of men who had started waving him over to join them. She watched as the young bartender brought the group of men a round of shots. They were loud and rambunctious, absolutely and utterly annoying. Regina managed to drown them out and found solace in her glass while sitting at the bar alone.

She declined the first shot that the young bartender placed in front of her, courtesy of Leroy and his friends. It was tequila and Regina did not do tequila. Not since her early twenties when she could still handle the liquor. Mostly. By the time she finished her wine and was eyeing the shot of tequila and debating whether to drink it or not, more people had started to come inside, ordering drinks and food, and filling the room with the sound of laughter and general chatter.

Regina gave in, unable to fight her demons--she didn’t _want_ to fight them any longer--and she downed the shot of tequila before she waved the young bartender down, motioning to her empty wine glass once she’d gotten his attention.

“Jake, I’ll have another,” Regina said as he approached her. “In fact, could you just leave the bottle here, please?” Regina pulled a twenty out of her wallet and slid it across the counter towards him. “Thank you.”

“Yes, ma’am. Let me know if you need anything else.”


	23. Chapter 23

Her first mistake hadn’t been the fact she’d slipped off the wagon and gave into her demons nor was it being in the Rabbit Hole drinking on a Sunday afternoon either.

Her first mistake, at least since she walked through the doors of the Rabbit Hole late in the morning, was finally giving in to the town drunk and his endless offers to do a round of shots.

Her second mistake came after that first round of shots, bourbon as it was Leroy’s preferred choice, and that was the moment she decided to join Leroy and his buddies in a booth where round after round of shots of various types was brought over by the young bartender, oblivious to the fact that he should be limiting not enabling.

Her third mistake, mostly because liquor loosened her tongue, was talking too much.

Her mind was fuzzy, and even when she found herself in the bathroom, queasy and a little too drunk, she couldn’t quite figure out how the conversation had turned to her talking about Emma Swan and the relationship she’d been so sure they’d hid so well before. That wasn’t the case, as she’d found out from Leroy and his friends, all who admitted they all knew or suspected she and Emma were a thing all those years ago.

It left her in an endless vortex of wondering just how many people actually knew about her and Emma, whether it was during their time together or afterward, and she wondered if the ratio of people who knew was far greater than those who didn’t.

It all made her laugh in disbelief whenever those thoughts crossed her mind long after that first trip to the bathroom. Upon her return, another round of shots were waiting, and she did not hesitate in picking up a glass and downing it before Leroy and his buddies even realized she was back and ready for more. She slammed the shot glass down onto the table and waved over at Jake, motioning for him to bring more.

“How about a dance, sister?” Leroy slurred just after someone had turned the jukebox on and the sounds of an old country song filled the room. “Just one dance?”

“With you?” Regina laughed with a shake of her head. “I’m afraid I’d need much more to drink before _that_ happens, Leroy.”

“It’s because I’m a man, ain’t it?”

“Amongst other reasons,” she chuckled lightly. “But mostly yes, because you are a man.”

“He’s got some big titties, though!” one of the men, Charlie, shouted even though he was sitting directly across from Regina in the booth “If you don’t wanna dance with that ugly fuck, would you give me a go?”

“No, thank you,” Regina snorted as she smiled up at Jake when he came over with another tray of shots. He put it down on the table with a heavy sigh. “Thank you, Jake. Now, be a dear and put this round on Leroy’s tab. He is, after all, paying again. Isn’t that right, Leroy? You’re being so generous today, aren’t you?”

“I am?” Leroy looked at her in confusion until the man beside him slugged him in the shoulder and he sputtered. “Right, right. On me. Drink up the generosity, boys!”

Regina had lost count just how many shots she’d had in the last couple of hours, but it didn’t stop her from reaching for the nearest shot glass, downing it before the men at the table even reached for theirs. She slammed the glass down on the table upside down with a grin of triumph and she let out a grunt as the men all groaned and muttered about being beat by a woman half their age. Again.

The room started to spin as Regina got up from the booth and gripped onto the edge of the table to steady herself. Her head felt tight as the room continued to spin and the men all around her just stared at her in silence with their mouths gaped open. Even Leroy had a look of concern on his face just before Regina let out the most unladylike burp she couldn’t hold back. And, in the most ladylike way as she could manage while being as drunk as she was, she bowed as the men cheered, and she quietly excused herself and nearly ran to the bathroom as her stomach churned violently.

Thankfully there was no line to the bathroom and she was feeling a little too unstable and nauseous as she stumbled inside and struggled with the lock on the door. How many shots had she taken so far? Five? Six? She was sure it was double that, but the uncertainty of not knowing had her stomach churning even more. She was already feeling the repercussions of each and every shot she’d had, including the bottle of wine she’d managed to finish off rather quickly earlier.

Giving up on the lock on the door, Regina barely made it to the toilet in time before she lost the contents of her stomach in the dirty bowl. She hovered over the bowl, crying as wave after wave came thundering through her until there was quite literally nothing left to throw up. It didn’t stop the dry heaving, and the dirty toilet bowl made her feel even more queasy as she stared down into it and the mess she’d made all over the seat, the outside of the bowl, and the floor around it.

She wiped her mouth with a few pieces of toilet paper, dry heaving still as she tried to pull more squares of toilet paper out of the dispenser and attempted to clean up the mess she’d made. Using toilet paper was utterly useless, but she was persistent in her attempt to clean up, all the while ignoring the persistent knocking on the door.

Regina turned on the tap in the sink, watching the water as it flowed almost directly into the drain. She focused on the water in an attempt to quell the queasiness that still lingered. She sighed as she bent down, gathered a handful of water, and splashed it over her face as the tears continued to fall. She splashed another handful of water on her face, an almost desperate attempt to try and sober herself up a little, and one that definitely didn’t work as she’d hoped. The knocking on the door continued as she blindly reached for the paper towels, using two sheets to dry off her face and hands.

“Regina?”

“Emma?”

Regina blinked in confusion at the sound of Emma’s voice on the other side of the door. What was Emma doing there? She turned to the door, unsteady on her feet, and fumbled with the lock for a moment before she realized she hadn’t even locked it before. Cursing under her breath, she slid the lock back open and struggled to open the door with the loose doorknob that felt like it’d fall off if she used force.

“Emma? What are you doing here?” Regina asked after she opened the door just enough to peer outside. “Why are you here?”

“I’m about to ask you the same thing, Regina. What the hell?” Emma asked and she grabbed ahold of Regina’s elbow as Regina opened the door a little more and stumbled out into the hallway and into Emma’s arms. “How much have you had?”

“I don’t know.”

“God,” Emma groaned as she tried to help Regina stay steady on her feet. She slipped an arm around her waist and let Regina lean into her. “You just puked it all up though, didn’t you?” she asked quietly. “Regina?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged with her eyes squinted, the dim light in the hallway now a little too bright to handle. “I think there is a good possibility that I did throw it all up. I still feel sick. Maybe you should just leave me in there, so I don’t--gods, is it just me or is the room spinning awfully quickly right now?”

“Come on,” Emma urged, ignoring her as she tried to get her to walk down the hallway without slipping or falling into the wall. “Let’s just get you out of here, okay?”

“How did you--” Regina hiccupped as she struggled to keep her vision from doubling as Emma led her down the hallway. “How--”

“Jake called me,” Emma replied, shaking her head as she tightened the hold she had with the arm firmly around Regina’s waist. “I guess he realized you had a little too much and he sounded a bit worried on the phone. Said you’d been in the bathroom for quite a while.”

“He was the one serving us. He could’ve said no and stopped at any time, but did he? No. No, he did not.”

“He’s still practically a kid, Regina, and kind of a dumbass, honestly,” Emma said quietly and Regina laughed obnoxiously as she leaned more into Emma’s side. “And you are kind of being a dumbass, too. I thought you quit?”

“I did.”

“Then why--”

“No,” she slurred as she looked up at Emma with tear-filled eyes. She gulped as another wave of nausea suddenly hit her. “I am not talking about this now, Emma Swan.”

Emma sighed heavily and readjusted her hold on Regina before she continued to lead her through the room and towards the exit. “Can you at least tell me what--”

“What?” Regina slurred as she blinked through the double vision that plagued her and tried to look at Emma clearly. “What?”

“Never mind,” Emma said with a frown. “I’m just--I’m going to take you home now, okay? You need to sleep it off.”

At the mention of sleep, Regina let out a long and drawn out yawn as her eyes began to close on her involuntarily. Suddenly she was being lifted off of her feet. She squealed in surprise as she forced open her eyes and realized that Emma Swan was carrying her over her shoulder, fireman style.

“Show off,” Regina murmured drunkenly as she balled her fists into the back of Emma’s t-shirt and tried to swallow back the queasiness that started to rush back in violent waves once again. “Don’t drop me!”

“I won’t.”

Everything was a blur after that. When she finally managed to open her eyes again, she found she was in the passenger seat of Emma’s car and Emma was beside her, driving, both hands firmly on the steering wheel and her attention on the road ahead. Regina closed her eyes again, her head now pounding something fierce and her stomach still churning. She could feel every bump in the road now and every turn the car made, neither of which helped quell the nausea that loomed threateningly.

She was in an out of consciousness and not completely aware of her surroundings outside of the car as it drove down one street and then another. The squealing of the brakes was loud and it came so sudden that it made Regina’s eyes fly open at the sound. She blinked against the bright afternoon sun and looked over at Emma only to find she was no longer in the car with her.

It was a struggle with her against the seatbelt as she couldn’t seem to quite get her hands to work in a coordinated matter. She blinked past the tears gathering in her eyes and looked out the front window and then at the side as she saw Emma approaching the passenger door with a deep frown on her face. She didn’t look happy at all and it made Regina uneasy and the guilt she’d managed to ignore since that morning came rushing back all at once.

Emma grunted as she opened the door and looked down at Regina, her frown deepening before she reached in to help with the seatbelt. She frowned as Emma unbuckled it with ease and she looked around in confusion as Emma tried to get her out of the car. She held up a hand, signaling that she needed a moment. When Emma tried again, she swatted her hands away as she silently requested that Emma just give her a damn minute to get her bearings back, even if just long enough to get out of the car without any help.

“I thought you were taking me home?” Regina murmured upon the realization that Emma had brought her back to her house. “Why--”

“Do you honestly think I’d bring you to your mother’s house like this?” Emma asked incredulously as she reached for both of Regina’s hands and all but pulled her out of the car. “Zelena called me earlier and told me what happened.”

“Of course she did.”

“Come on,” Emma encouraged gently as she led Regina away from the car and kicked the door shut. “Let’s just go inside, okay?”

“Can you just--I--I just need a damn minute, Emma.”

“What you need right now is to get some water in you, Regina, and some aspirin. You also need to sleep this off. Come on. Let’s go. Don’t make me have to carry you again.”

“What? Don’t wanna show off again, Sheriff Swan?”

“I’m sure you can walk now,” Emma replied drolly. “Come on, Regina, stop being so fucking difficult and work with me here. Let’s just go inside, okay? You need to--”

“You need to mind your own damn business,” she snapped angrily as Emma tried to lead her to the side door. She groaned, her stomach churning more violently than before and the world around her began to spin again. “I thought you’d listen,” she slurred, her thoughts blurring as she struggled to hold on to her consciousness. “Leroy didn’t listen when I told him to mind his own damn business either.”

“What I can’t understand--” Emma said and she paused abruptly, grunting in annoyance as she moved to slip an arm around Regina’s waist before she opened the side door. “What I can’t understand, Regina, is why the hell you were drinking with Leroy and his idiot friends or why the hell you’re even drinking in the first place! Zelena was right to call you an idiot, Regina, because that is exactly what you are right now. An idiot.”

“You’re right,” she murmured in reply as Emma opened the side door. “I am an idiot. I am the biggest idiot in the world, aren’t I? Why don’t you tell me something that I don’t already know, hmm?”

“I know that you’re better than this,” Emma said and her voice was so quiet that Regina nearly missed it. Emma reached out to shut the door behind them. “Don’t worry,” she said before Regina could say a word. “Henry isn’t here. I dropped him and Robyn off with Zelena before I came to pick your drunk ass up from the bar.”

“You’re mean,” Regina slurred as she struggled to toe off her shoes one by one. “You know that though, don’t you? Mean lady.”

“And you’re drunk,” Emma replied back with a snap to her voice that made Regina’s head spin a little harder and faster than before. “Come on,” she sighed as she practically had to carry Regina to the bedroom. She nudged open the door with her foot before she led Regina inside slowly. “Just lay down and relax, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Regina murmured quietly as she crawled onto the bed on her hands and knees. As soon as she reached the middle, she all but fell face first down onto the unmade bed and blindly reached for a pillow above her head, almost out of reach. She pulled the pillow under her head, a feat that felt much harder than it should’ve been, and she managed to turn to watch Emma as she walked out of the room while muttering to herself under her breath and shaking her head.

She couldn’t stop the tears that began to form in her eyes and she couldn’t stop them as they started to fall. She buried her face into the pillow, crying and gasping, trying to stop to no avail.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Emma wasn’t supposed to see her like this. Emma wasn’t supposed to see the way she was falling.

She didn’t want Emma to see what a failure she had let herself become in the weakness of the moment. She wanted to fall and deal with the repercussions later--not while it was all still happening and she was in no state to deal with any of it.

Regina inhaled deeply and all she could smell was _Emma_ on the pillowcase. It made her head dizzy--and not in the way the alcohol was doing--and she took another deep breath, her body shaking as she let it out slowly, her mind telling her what her heart was feeling and she had no choice but to listen this time.

It left her with only thoughts of how much she was still in love with Emma and how she was continuing to fall in love with her even more so, even after the way Emma had picked her up from the bar. Her heart ached to tell Emma just how she felt, but she wasn’t ready to do that yet. They weren’t even close to being _there_ again either.

As easy as alcohol made it to escape certain things and to silence some particular thoughts, it wasn’t always as easy as it seemed it should be. Especially not when it came to her heart speaking loud and clear with nothing to quiet it. It was next to impossible to try to silence those thoughts at all.

Just as it was next to impossible to chase away the heavy burden of guilt that suddenly landed hard on top of her and in a way that made it hard to breathe with her face buried deep in Emma’s pillow.

It felt like the weight of the world had just landed upon her, crushing her slowly, making her suffer through a long and painful death.

It seemed like the better option at the moment. Certainly it would hurt a lot less than how it hurt to still be so in love with Emma Swan after all those years. It hurt because of the burden of guilt, from years ago and from that morning. It hurt because Regina was doing what she did best and that was to run. She hadn’t run far though, had she? She laughed bitterly as she turned on her side and wiped at her wet eyes. She had ended up right back where she started that morning, right back in Emma Swan’s bed.

“I found some Gatorade in the fridge and--” Emma stopped short as she walked back into the room and Regina blinked through her tears as she quickly glanced at Emma before burying her face back into the tear-stained pillow. A moment later she felt Emma sit down next to her on the bed. “What’s wrong, Regina?”

“Go away.”

“I’m not going away. This is my house, and that’s my bed you’re in, and my pillow you’re covering with your tears and your snot,” Emma said with a light laugh as she reached out and rubbed a hand gently over Regina’s tense back. “Regina? Why are you crying?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

Regina scoffed before she turned her head just enough to glance up at Emma with one eye. “You said it best,” she sniffed and then scoffed again. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Regina,” Emma whispered as she continued to rub her back and acting far more patient than Regina expected her to. “You’re just drunk,” she sighed, her hand coming to a slow stop near Regina’s shoulder blades. “That’s why you’re acting like one, that’s all. I didn’t mean it like literally.”

Regina shook her head and then moved to sit up, a feat within itself. She grabbed at her head as it began to pound hard and then she furiously wiped at the last of her tears as they rolled down her cheeks. Emma just smiled as she opened up the bottle of Gatorade and handed it over.

“You’re wrong,” Regina said between sips and before she realized it, Emma had an arm around her middle and she was leaning into her. “Gods, you smell so good.”

Emma just laughed as she eased the bottle from Regina’s hand and placed it on the bedside table. “Why are you so upset?” she asked as she turned back to Regina. “Talk to me,” she encouraged gently. “Please?”

She hadn’t been wrong, Emma did smell really good, and she closed her eyes, losing herself to the feel and smell of Emma practically wrapped around her. She caught herself from falling too far in Emma’s embrace, so she moved to lay back down, moving slowly as everything in the room started to wobble and spin.

“I made a terrible mistake.”

“Yeah, but you can come back from this,” Emma replied and she moved to lay down next to Regina and faced her. Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she placed a hand on the mattress in the small space that separated them. Her smile never faltered as she stared long and hard at Regina and said, “Tomorrow is a brand new day. A fresh start.”

“No, that’s not what I mean, not all that I meant,” Regina stammered shakily. “I never should’ve left you like that, Emma. I was an idiot. I was hurt. I was angry. I know I hurt you more than I hurt me. I’m an idiot because it took me far too long to realize that I’m still in love with you. I made a mistake, a huge and terrible mistake in giving up on you, on us, and I don’t know how to live with that any longer.”

“It’s in the past now,” Emma replied quietly. “I forgive you. You’re not going to remember any of this, are you? But I do, Regina. I forgive you.”

“Just like that?”

Emma nodded, though it did nothing to chase away the doubts Regina had swirling through her mind. “Well, it wasn’t just like that,” she said after a moment. “It took me a long time to get to the forgiveness part, but the important thing here is that I forgive you. Okay?”

Emma offered her a small reassuring smile that did quite the opposite. Regina started to cry again, the tears impossible to stop. Regina felt completely vulnerable. Weak. Her vulnerability was making her feel as if she truly was at her weakest point. Emma’s small smile turned into a frown as she reached up to cup Regina’s face gently with one hand.

“Please don’t cry, Regina. It’s okay. I know you feel like shit right now--”

“Understatement.”

“Just lay here and try to get some sleep, okay? I’ll just be out in the living room, so just call if you--”

“Can you stay here with me?” Regina asked, her voice small and almost childlike that it left her feeling utterly embarrassed. “Please?” she asked, closing her eyes as her body trembled. “I don’t want to be alone right now. Will you please stay here with me?”

“I could stay for a little while,” Emma said softly. “Just until you fall asleep.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Emma said, her smile slowly returning. “Just relax, Regina.”

“I love you, Emma.”

“I know. Just close your eyes and go to sleep now. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay, but you believe me, don’t you?” Regina asked, not sure why she was fighting the inevitable pull of sleep. “Don’t you?”

“About what?”

“That I love you,” she whispered and she raised an eyebrow as she looked at Emma, an unreadable look on her face. “I do, Emma. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts.”

“It shouldn’t hurt, should it?” Emma looked concerned. “Why does it hurt?”

“It just does.”

“Okay, Regina,” Emma sighed. She stroked her thumb over Regina’s cheek gently before she pulled away. “Please, just go to sleep. We’ll talk about this later when you’ve sobered up and gotten some rest.”

“Do you promise?”

Emma nodded as she moved to sit with her back against the headboard. She looked down at Regina with a small smile and said, “I promise,” in a faint whisper.

The last thing that Regina felt was Emma’s hand reaching out to stroke along her back in the mod soothing way that quickly lulled her into a deep and much-needed sleep.

Whether she would remember it all, or any of it, when she woke up, it was a question that lingered yet went away as she gave into that inevitable pull of sleep she’d been fighting before. Time would tell, of course, but the only thing she knew and truly cared about at that moment was the fact that Emma promised her that she’d stay.


	24. Chapter 24

A thousand tiny little jackhammers were drilling at the base of her skull, and they were getting louder and louder. Slowly she woke from the deep slumber she’d been in, her eyelids heavy, her lips, her throat parched and scratchy. Regina blinked in confusion at the darkness that enveloped the room, and as she sat up in the bed she was in, the realization of just where she was suddenly hit her.

The lingering smell of Emma--or at the least the shampoo Emma used--was the first sign she had spent another night in Emma’s bed. There were vague memories of being brought there and put to bed, so vague she could barely piece it all together as her head continued to pound with the tiny jackhammers drilling at the base of her skull that made thinking an almost impossible feat.

There was also the smell of alcohol that lingered on her. It made her nauseous and her stomach churn as a few blurred memories came back. Shots. There had been far too many shots. Then she started to remember how Emma had come to her in the bathroom at the bar and had all but carried her fireman-style out of there and brought her home and put her to bed.

Emma.

Emma had brought her home. _Home_.

Regina groaned and licked over her dry lips, immediately scowling at the gross way her mouth felt and tasted. Blindly she reached out into the darkness and grabbed the Gatorade bottle that was left for her and greedily drank from the bottle, the liquid warm, but it chased away the parchedness that took up residence in her mouth. She groaned again as she reached to put the bottle back on the bedside table, wincing as the mostly empty bottle fell and clattered to the floor with a crinkling thud.

Muttering several curses under her breath, Regina reached down to pick the bottle up from the floor when another realization suddenly hit her with a fragmented memory from hours earlier. She turned in bed as she held the mostly empty bottle in one hand and frowned as she smoothed her hand over the empty spot on the bed next to her. Emma wasn’t there beside her, not like she had been when she’d first put her to bed.

_Of course she’s not, you fool. Why would she be?_

Regina put the bottle back down on the bedside table, careful this time to not miss as she had before. She reached out for the switch on the lamp and turned it on, bathing the room in a soft yellow glow that seemed far too bright. She quickly discovered that it wasn’t just her head that was pounding and hurt, her whole body ached in a way she’d never quite felt before. She swung her legs to the edge of the bed and looked down in surprise to find she was no longer wearing the clothes she’d had on before and was in a borrowed pair of pajama bottoms and a loose-fitting t-shirt. Ignoring the pain in her head and her entire body as best as she could, Regina got out of bed and walked unsteadily over to her clothes she found folded neatly on top of the short dresser by the bedroom door.

Her clothes were clean and freshly laundered, neatly folded with care, and she lifted them up and inhaled deeply. Emma had washed them for her. How bad had it truly been when Emma had found her at the Rabbit Hole? Bits and pieces of her afternoon at the town’s only watering hole were coming back, but it was all such a jumbled mess in her still foggy brain. She frowned as she placed her clothes back on the dresser and opened the bedroom door. The house was quiet and dark, aside from the soft glow of the TV that had been left on in the living room.

Regina licked her dry lips, finding herself parched again and in need of something cold and refreshing to drink. She walked out into the living room and stopped just a few feet away from the couch. There, sprawled out on the couch with her feet propped up on the edge of the coffee table, Emma was sleeping, still dressed and the remote dangling ever so precariously from her hand. Regina walked over quietly and gently pulled the remote free from Emma’s fingers. She placed it down on the coffee table after she turned the TV off. Emma stirred just as she was about to walk away and she froze in place.

“Regina?” Emma murmured tiredly. “What are you doing awake?”

“I--I’m thirsty.”

“Told you just to call for me if you needed anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Regina said softly. “I’m just--I’m really thirsty. I was just going to get some water and, uh, leave, I suppose.” Regina looked at the clock on the cable box and frowned. “It’s late.”

Emma rubbed at her eyes before she stretched out languidly and groaned before she flashed Regina a small smile. “Come on, then,” she said as she got up from the couch slowly and motioned for Regina to follow. “I could use some water too.”

“I should just go,” Regina said as she followed Emma into the kitchen in the darkness. She blinked at the brightness of the hood light above the stove when Emma turned it on. “As grateful as I am that you--”

“Tap or bottle?” Emma asked and she just shook her head, grabbing two glasses from the cupboard before she pulled out a large bottle of water from the refrigerator and poured some into each glass. “Always bottled water, huh?” she said with another shake of her head. “That hasn’t changed, has it? I know you always preferred it over the tap.”

“Thank you,” Regina replied as she took the offered glass. “But, in all seriousness, Emma, I should really go. You’ve done enough. More than enough. I honestly appreciate what you did for me and I--”

“It’s past midnight,” Emma replied as she cut her off. She lifted her glass to her lips and stared at Regina for a moment before she took a sip of her water. “It’s late. Just stay. Besides,” she said and she paused to take another sip. “Zee has already told your mother that you’re staying here tonight. They’re not, you know, expecting you or anything.”

“How much did you tell her?”

“Well,” Emma laughed lightly and leaned up against the counter by the refrigerator. “I didn’t tell her that I had to carry you out of the Rabbit Hole if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“What did you tell my sister exactly?”

“The truth. Mostly.”

“What does that even mean?”

Emma frowned and shushed her. “You need to be quiet, okay? Henry is sleeping.”

“Henry is fifteen, not five.” Regina was careful this time to be a little quieter. “I bet he’s still awake.”

“He’s not, actually. I took away all of his electronics. He kept complaining that he was bored earlier, so I told him to go to bed.”

“And he actually listened to you?”

“For once, yeah,” Emma laughed lightly. “Anyway, I told Zee that I got a call from Jake. I told her what he told me, that you’d had a little bit too much to drink and couldn’t--that you needed to leave. Then I told her that I brought you here so you could sleep it off.”

“Why do I get the feeling that is not all that you told her?”

“I called her when we were in the car. Don’t you remember?”

“No, I don’t remember that, Emma.”

Emma frowned. “Right,” she said quietly. “Anyway, she agreed and said it was best if you stayed here tonight. She did promise not to tell your mother how drunk you got, though. Cora would be furious.”

“She’s a hypocrite.”

“Yeah, I know, but don’t ever let her or Zee know I agree with you on that.”

“Right,” Regina said with a roll of her eyes as she finally lifted her glass to her lips and took a rather greedy sip to quench her thirst. “I still find it so very odd that you’re friends with my sister. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wrap my head around it.” They exchanged a look and a small laugh before Regina took another sip of her water. “I might not remember that phone call in the car, but I do remember some things. I think? We uh, we talked once you brought me home, just before you put me to bed, didn’t we?”

“We did.” Emma went quiet and walked over to the table and sat down. Regina stayed where she was just a few feet away and leaned back against the edge of the counter. “Do you remember what we talked about?”

“Not particularly, though I am sure all those juicy little details will all come rushing back to me when I least expect it.”

“How do you feel now?” she asked with a smile. “Better? Worse?”

Regina groaned and ran her fingers through her natty hair which elicited another groan past her lips, one of annoyance. “I feel as if there are a thousand tiny little jackhammers drilling into my skull,” she said drolly. “My body feels as if I’ve run the Boston Marathon. Twice.”

“You’ve--”

“No, metaphorically speaking. I’d barely last a mile, dear.”

“Right,” Emma said, another small laugh escaping as she shook her head. “Well, there is a bottle of aspirin in the bathroom cupboard. I was going to bring it to you earlier, but didn’t want to wake you.” Emma fiddled with her glass and sighed. “Though the best cure for hangovers like that is plenty of water and plenty of sleep, both of which you desperately need right now from the sound of it. Why don’t you just finish up your water and go back to bed? I’ll bring you the bottle of aspirin if you--”

“What about you, Emma?” Regina asked and Emma looked at her in confusion. “Where are you going to sleep?”

“I’ll sleep on the couch. I was doing just fine there until you stole the remote and woke me up.”

“I did not steal--oh, forget about it,” she sighed defeatedly. “I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah, I think we do too, but not right now, okay? We can wait until the morning when you’re feeling back to your normal self again.”

“After what happened earlier, I doubt I’ll ever feel like my normal self again,” Regina responded sadly, the words far heavier than even Emma could understand, that much she knew. “Emma, I just want to thank you for coming to get me earlier. For coming to my rescue, so to speak.”

“You’re welcome, Regina.” Emma looked up at her with almost desperation in her eyes. “I just--I wish you would’ve come to me before you started drinking again. I could’ve helped you through it, helped you fight whatever demons you gave up on fighting. We could’ve talked about it. Together. I know we’re not there yet, not even close, but is it bad that I still want to be the one that you turn to in your darkest moments?”

Regina shook her head no, though no words came out no matter how much she wanted to say that she wished she had come to Emma instead of succumbing in the fight against her inner demons. Emma had all but rendered her speechless, and it was a feeling she wasn’t so sure how to deal with or even begin to understand. She stared down into her glass and then downed the last of the water quickly. She let out a sharp exhale at the refreshing coldness of it.

“The last thing I want to do is scare you off, so if that’s what I’m doing, I’ll stop,” Emma said softly. She stood up from the chair and placed her glass down on the table with a frown settling in deep. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m fine now, Emma.”

“What would’ve happened if I hadn’t come to get you when I did?”

“I don’t know.” Regina crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. “Nothing good, obviously.”

Emma deadpanned, “You were drinking with Leroy.”

“I know,” Regina laughed bitterly. “Gods, what was I thinking?”

“You weren’t, not if you were drinking with him and his idiot friends. Do you even know how much you had to drink?” Emma asked and Regina looked at her in confusion because she truly didn’t remember. She shook her head no and Emma frowned a little deeper. “I thought so. Leroy didn’t know either when I asked him. Jake said he wasn’t sure since at one point you were taking shots meant for others. He just said he made a mistake in overserving you and that he was really sorry that he let it escalate.”

“He barely looks old enough to be serving alcohol in the first place.”

“He’s old enough. He just turned twenty-one earlier this year. You know Claudia would’ve never hired him if he wasn’t old enough. He was just…careless. He feels really guilty, Regina.”

She waved Emma off flippantly. “He has a baby-face. He barely looks seventeen.”

Emma just laughed and grabbed her glass off the table. “I know. He only works on Sunday. Gives Claudia the day off. You know how she is. Not much has changed over the years.”

“We always do this, don’t we?” Regina asked. “We always find a way to talk our way out of what we’re actually supposed to be talking about.”

“Strangely that made complete sense for not sounding like it made sense at all.”

“Emma,” Regina sighed, wanting so much to fall into the easy banter with Emma even knowing that she didn’t deserve for any of this to be easy at all. “I’m so very sorry about what happened.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Regina. I already told you that I forgive you.”

“Well, you shouldn’t,” Regina replied flatly. “How can you forgive me when I cannot forgive myself?”

“Are we talking about the fact that you drank way too much earlier or are we talking about something else here?” Emma asked and she had to stifle a yawn with a subtle little shake of her head. “I’m sorry. It’s the middle of the night, Regina, and I’m exhausted. I have to be at the station before eight. Double shifts on Mondays and Wednesday every other week, at least until I can find another deputy to fill in for those shifts.”

“I suppose you were right before, we should just talk later. After we’ve both gotten some rest and after you finish your double shift at the station.” Regina just stared at Emma and frowned. “I can just get changed quickly and head over to my mother’s house. I’ll be out of your hair in less than--”

“No.”

“No?”

Emma frowned again. “You really don’t want to stay here, do you?”

“I--” Regina stopped short, unable to find the words even though the voice in her head was screaming _yes_. “If you’re working a double shift, you should be in your bed, not on the couch. If you are so insistent that I stay here tonight, let me sleep on the couch and not in your bed. You need it more than I do.”

“I was going to suggest we could share the bed if you were all right with that, but clearly you’re not, and I get it, I do. If agreeing to this arrangement gets you to stay the rest of the night, then that’s how it’ll be, I guess,” Emma said with a sigh of defeat. “But, for the record, I really don’t mind sleeping on the couch. It’s actually comfortable.”

“Then I should be just fine there for the rest of the night.”

Emma opened her mouth as if she was about to say something more, but she snapped it shut and offered Regina a small, tight, forced smile. “Right,” she said quietly. “I’ll uh, I’ll be up before seven and out of the house at quarter to eight. Henry will probably sleep in, and you’re uh, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you like. There is a spare key on the hook by the side door, the one with the little swan keychain. Just uh, just take that with you if you leave before I’m up or whatever.”

Emma didn’t push her into the new sleeping arrangement nor did she mention sharing the bed again even though Regina was waiting for it to come. Had Emma asked again, she would’ve said yes, but she didn’t and she clearly wasn’t going to keep pushing her to cross those hidden boundaries that had been placed around them both.

“All right, Emma, thank you,” she said after a moment when Emma tried to stifle yet another yawn. “Good night.”

“Good night, Regina. If you need anything--”

“I’ll be fine, dear. Go on,” she said as she motioned for Emma to head to bed. “I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, Emma.”

“Yeah,” Emma laughed lightly. “Good night.”

Emma hung back, waiting for Regina to leave the kitchen first before she turned off the light over the stove and followed her out. She lingered in the living room after Regina turned on the lamp that sat on the end table and it was almost as if she was waiting for Regina to get settled in before she headed to bed. Emma simply watched in silence as Regina settled down onto the middle of the couch. Regina looked over at the pillows on one end and then reached for the brown throw blanket that was draped along the back of the couch.

She glanced at Emma with a smile. Emma returned it before she turned on her heels and headed into the bedroom. The door was left ajar just a few inches after Emma retreated into her room and Regina sighed as she leaned her head back against the cushions on the couch and tried to chase away the tiny jackhammers still drilling at the base of her skull relentlessly.

Her mind was in such a fog that it was hard to transpire what had just happened, much like it was hard for her to remember the events earlier in the day. With her brain foggy and exhaustion now slipping back into place with ease, she knew she had to get more sleep if she wanted to function like a normal human being in a couple of hours.

Despite it all, she found it impossibly hard to close her eyes and let sleep take over. Instead, she ended up staring up at the ceiling in the darkness and let her mind wander until the thoughts dulled and dissipated in her mind completely.

[X]

Regina woke up to the sound of birds singing just outside the open living room window and judging from the warmth and brightness of the morning sunlight that poured inside and onto her face, she knew it was past seven. She couldn’t remember when she fell asleep, but judging from the tiny jackhammers that were still pounding away against her skull, she knew she hadn’t slept for more than a handful of hours.

Her brain was still foggy, but she remembered the conversation she’d had with Emma in the middle of the night far more clearly than everything else. She tried to remember more, just as she had hours earlier when she first settled in on the couch to sleep. Her brain wasn’t cooperating and her memories were still far too fuzzy. Add on top of all of that the extreme guilt and remorse she felt from giving in to her demons instead of continuing to fight them as she had for the last three months.

She felt like a failure for the first time in a very long time. It was disappointing. It made her feel as if she had hit rock bottom yet again only this time there was no way out, at least not a way out that she could see at the moment. Regina had a feeling that if she was going to be staying in Storybrooke, there were some things she’d need to face and deal with if she didn’t want to relapse yet again.

The delightful and intoxicating smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen was what lured her in there. After she stretched out the aches in her body, she walked into the kitchen which she surprisingly found was empty when she expected to find Emma in there. Two mugs were sitting on the counter, however, the milk and the cream already out, and an empty bowl with some Cheerios and milk inside of it sat on the edge of the counter beside the sink.

Regina helped herself to a cup of coffee as soon as it finished brewing. She chose the mug that didn’t look like it was Emma’s favorite--the one that was blue and not the one that was yellow with a big red E on it. She poured some into Emma’s mug after spotting her keys and phone sitting on the kitchen table. She even went as far as making Emma’s coffee precisely as she liked it and she picked up her own mug, sipping the hot coffee carefully as she heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

“Oh, hey!” Emma said, a little startled as she bounced into the kitchen with a towel in one hand as she dried her hair. “I thought maybe you’d left.”

“No,” Regina replied. “I uh, I could smell the coffee. I made you a cup.”

“Thanks. So,” Emma said with a smile that made Regina’s heart race a little quicker, a little harder, “good morning.”

“Good morning, Emma.”

“Was the couch all right?”

“Yes, it was fine.”

“Good.” Emma just nodded before she picked up her mug and took a tentative sip of her coffee. She exhaled sharply as she glanced down at her mug and laughed. “I’m going to need like a dozen of these to get through today.”

“As will I. I have a fair amount of phone calls to make as well as getting some of the paperwork in order for Henry’s case.”

“Anything you need from me?”

“I will let you know if I do,” Regina replied.  She curled her hands tightly around her mug and stared down into it solemnly. “If it is all right with you I’d like to call a colleague of mine for a little bit of advice on how to handle Henry’s case. Would you mind if I did that?”

“No, of course I wouldn’t mind, just do whatever you need to do, Regina. All I ask is that you keep me in the loop.”

“I can certainly do that.”

“Thank you, Regina. You have no idea what this means to me, to us,” Emma said and she was about to continue when her phone started to ring. “Sorry, I gotta get that.”

It was that annoying police siren ring, one that told Regina that it was the station and one of Emma’s deputies calling. It ended whatever opportunity they had to continue the conversation from the middle of the night. Emma answered her phone, talking quietly to her deputy as she walked out of the kitchen in a hurry. When she returned a few minutes later, her wet hair was pulled back into a high and tight ponytail, and she had her gun holster on with her badge clipped to her belt.

“I gotta run,” Emma said and she placed her now empty mug on the counter beside the half-eaten bowl of cereal. “A call just came in and yeah, well, I uh--um will I see you later?” Emma asked as she grabbed her keys. “I won’t be off until like ten tonight, just as long as it is a slow day and all. Not counting on it, though.”

“I’ll just leave my number here for you,” Regina replied. She fell quiet as she watched Emma grab a travel mug and pour herself some coffee quickly. “Have a good day, darl--Emma. We’ll talk later.”

“Yeah, you have a good day too. If you’re still here when Henry wakes up, tell him his ass is grass if he leaves the house at all today!”

And just like that Emma was running out the door, barely batting an eye at the fact that Regina had nearly slipped up and called her darling, just as she always used to when Emma left for work in the mornings. The term of endearment was coming back so easily, too easily, and she knew they were still so far from being at that point again and she wasn’t sure if they were even on the path of getting back there at all anymore.

Sure, they’d talked, but they really hadn’t talked things through properly, and Regina just did not know where they stood at all. The only thing she did know was that Emma still loved her. And that she still loved Emma.

In another life, that would’ve been enough. In another life, they would’ve been back together as soon as that night filled with passionate, salacious sex had happened instead of them doing what they were doing now. In another life, maybe she would’ve never felt compelled to have left in the first place and things would be far different now than they actually were.

In another life, she’d be happy and in love with Emma, living her life with Emma, with Henry, her family. But it wasn’t another life and she was living this one, albeit with a monster migraine starting due to those tiny little jackhammers still drilling into her skull over and over and over again.

She had chosen her path the day she had left. She had lived her life for ten years doing things her way, making choices only for herself, decisions that were made to protect her fragile and broken heart that still had a long way to go before it could heal properly.

Before she too could heal properly. And completely.

Regina stayed in the kitchen until she had finished her coffee and, after checking in on Henry quietly to see if he was still sleeping and he was, she took a long and hot shower that provided little relief from the pounding in her head. Henry still wasn’t out of bed by the time she was out of the shower and dressed in her freshly laundered clothes. She found some paper in the kitchen and wrote Henry a quick note, reminding him not to go anywhere that day. She didn’t use the same colorful language as Emma had, but she was sure she’d gotten her point across in the simple note.

She left it on the refrigerator where it surely wouldn’t be missed, certainly not by a hungry teenage boy whose first destination upon waking would be the refrigerator without a doubt. Before she left, she pulled the note off the refrigerator and quickly jotted her number down, for Henry and for Emma, and stuck the note back on the refrigerator with an incredibly ridiculous novelty cartoon dog magnet.

Regina lingered by the side door a short while later and stared at the spare key that hung there, the one with the swan keychain, and after some debate, she took the key and left the house. She locked up behind her, and there was another internal debate before she pocketed the key and walked down the driveway toward the street.

It was a beautiful and warm start to the morning. Regina walked down to the diner and got a large coffee to go. Soon after, she ended up at the library, a place she figured she’d have some privacy and peace and quiet while she made all the phone calls she had to make that morning. After she settled down in the back of the library and far from the young librarian who had taken a rather keen interest in her as soon as she walked in the door, Regina made her first phone call of the morning.

The detective in charge of handling and investigating Henry’s case was that first phone call she made. Unfortunately, it went straight to voicemail. She left a short and rather urgent message for the detective and nearly threw her phone down in disbelief.

Regina sighed as she leaned back in the stiff computer chair and scrolled through the contacts on her phone, the reality of just how many phone calls she had to make that morning suddenly becoming very real and very overwhelming. She knew she had to call Anita next. She had to as the woman had dedicated so much of her time, both professional and personal, to her since she started the firm. She owed it to Anita to call her, and she knew she’d left it for too long as it was already.

It took roughly ten minutes of staring down at Anita’s personal number and mentally rehearsing a speech in her head before she finally hit the call button. The line rang and rang, and she was about to hang up when she heard a click followed by the unmistakable din of traffic noise in the background.

“Hello, Anita, it’s Regina,” she said. She sighed as she leaned back in the stiff chair. “Do you have a moment? There is something that I need to talk to you about as it is really quite urgent…”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've turned guest reviews back on, but if the troll with no life and with no solid, constructive criticism returns, it'll be turned off again. I don't have time for that kind of unfounded negativity in my life or for this story. I get it, Troll, you don't like this story, so my question is, why the hell are you still bothering to read it, hmm?

The phone call with Anita went a lot better than she had expected, but it left her feeling a bit doubtful of the choices she was making and how she was about to turn her whole life upside down. And for what? For Henry? For Emma? For herself?

Anita never questioned the choices she made over the years, not even now with her choice in shutting down the firm and moving back to the town she’d grown up in. The woman was on the verge of retirement and Regina knew she was worried about making enough so that she’d be able to retire and survive comfortably. She promised Anita, a decision made on a whim, that she would pay her the wages she’d have earned had she not decided to close the firm. It lifted the burden off the older woman’s shoulders, Regina could just tell in the way Anita’s tone of voice changed after she mentioned it.

The phone call ended up being a very long one and mostly because they weren’t just colleagues, they were also friends despite their age difference and the fact that they were the complete polar opposites. She instructed Anita on who to call and what to say as she knew some of those phone calls to other colleagues and her clients would be rather hard to make, just as hard as that phone call with Anita had been. But it was the end of the phone call that left her pondering for a while as it left her wondering if this was something she really should be doing or if she was making a huge mistake.

_“Forgive me for saying this, Regina, but I say it as a friend. Are you sure this is what you want to do? After all, you’ve worked so very hard to get your firm to where it is now. You are well respected, and yes, the clients are a little bit out of the ordinary, but are you sure, Regina?”_

_“I need a change. It isn’t what I_ want  _to do, it is what I_ need  _to do.”_

_“I understand. All right. I will back you up and support you through this, Regina. It’s the very least I can do. Let me know what else you need from me.”_

_“I will, Anita. Thank you for being so understanding. Is Kathryn there right now, by any chance?”_

_“Yes, she is. In fact, now that I know exactly what is going on, it makes complete sense as to why she had ordered a hundred boxes that were delivered this morning. I thought she was planning to rob you, ma’am.”_

_“I’ll be in touch again after I make a few more phone calls, Anita. Thank you again for being so understanding. I know how sudden this all is--”_

_“Regina, if there is one thing in life that I do understand, it is doing whatever is best for yourself at the moment. You’re a brilliant woman. You have a lot of passion and heart. Do you know what you’ll do next?”_

_“I honestly don’t have a clue.”_

_“Then I guess you could just look at this new chapter in your life as it being a part of a new adventure.”_

An adventure. It was one way to put it.

Anita always had a way of getting to her in ways no one else ever could. She didn’t use the word mistake once, not even at the end of the phone call before Regina had hung up and sat there in the stiff computer chair in the library and just stared blankly at the old computer monitor in front of her. She hadn’t been sure at the beginning, but afterward, while she pondered over the tail end of their conversation, she knew it definitely was something that she _needed_ to do.

Maybe it was her hangover. Maybe it was all this guilt she carried, old guilt and fresh guilt. Or perhaps it was just life’s way of changing and taking her along for the ride.

It was being there that did it the most out of the endless of other reasons why. Something had woken up inside of her being around Emma again. She was doing the exact same thing she’d done before, dropped her whole life to have the life she actually wanted and needed. The lust for fun, for thrills, for so-called adventure, it had all but worn off for good. She had finally realized it there in the Storybrooke library while nursing a bad hangover and changing her life once again--hopefully for the last time.

It felt so freeing. More so when she hadn’t realized she’d been waiting for that very moment to feel free again. It was an unexplainable feeling and one that gave her a much-needed boost of energy as she booted up the old computer and waited impatiently.

Regina frowned when she reached for her coffee and found it to be empty. She looked around the quiet library and hesitantly approached the young librarian at the desk. Belle French. The quiet girl. Regina was surprised she hadn’t remembered her when she first walked in, but she greeted her with a polite smile.

“Do you happen to have any coffee?”

“We’re not a--a--”

“Or a computer that isn’t older than ten years, perhaps? One that works?” Regina asked and she frowned at the way the woman behind the desk continued to stammer. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I have some work to do this morning and it’d be easier if--”

“Right. Regina. Hi,” Belle said as she extended a hand with a warm smile. “First of all, I’m sorry about your father.”

“Thank you.”

“Second of all,” Belle said after a quick handshake and she dropped her hand, “aren’t you a bigshot lawyer, Regina? Wait, are you doing it old school? No technology, only when you really need it an--”

“Excuse me?” Regina blinked in confusion. “No. I came here to work in peace and quiet. Do you have a computer I could possibly use for a couple of hours?”

“One that isn’t ancient,” Belle chuckled. “And one that works right?”

“Yes,” Regina deadpanned. “Preferably.”

“You need a library card.”

Regina rolled her eyes and leaned forward and placed her hands on the desk. “I have one. I lost the card. Check your records.”

“Our records only go ten years back, so I can safely say that you are no longer in our books,” Belle replied coolly. “Would you like to sign up for one? Free of charge.”

“I have to in order to use a workable computer here, don’t I?” Regina asked defeatedly as Belle looked at her in surprise. “Is there a form I need to fill out or--?”

Belle all but thrust a blank form at her and scrambled for a pen. She smiled as she smoothly saved herself from disaster by gently placing the pen down on top of the form. Regina had to fight from rolling her eyes as she quickly filled out the form. Name and address, phone number not required. It was worth the tiny hassle if that meant putting off having to return to her mother’s house just to retrieve her bag with her laptop in it.

Regina crossed her arms over her chest and waited, exhaling a small huff when Belle started typing her name into the equally as ancient computer there on the desk.

“Oh, for god’s sake, Belle, we went to school together from kindergarten until we graduated high school. We might never have been friends, but you do know who I am and--”

“You’re staying with your family?” Belle looked up at her in surprise. “Does this mean Zee was right? You’re home? For good?”

 _Zee?_ Regina groaned. “Don’t tell me,” she muttered as Belle typed the address into the computer with a light chuckle. “Are you seriously friends with my sister now too?”

Belle turned her head slightly to look up at her and she just grinned before she turned her attention back to the computer. “There’s some coffee in the back room, just over there,” she said as she motioned behind her. “Help yourself. I’ll print off your card. Just takes a few minutes sometimes, that’s all.”

“Thank you.”

Regina walked to the room and stepped inside, expecting a little storage room and not the spacious office she just walked into. Though it was cluttered with stacks of books on the floor to ceiling bookshelves, it felt homey, intriguing, and more importantly, there was a very workable looking computer sitting on top of the big mahogany desk. A MacBook, one that definitely looked newer and bigger than her own.

“Coffee is over there,” Belle said suddenly from behind her and Regina jumped at being startled. “And yes, Regina, you can use the computer in here.”

“Your boss or--whomever, will they mind?”

“I’m the boss, and no I don’t mind,” Belle replied with a grin that mirrored the one she’d given Regina just minutes before. Smug almost. “We’re only open for a few hours today, actually, just until three. It’s normal for Monday. It’s our slowest day and I--”

“Great. I should be done before then. Thank you, Belle.”

Belle frowned and motioned to the small counter where a small coffee maker sat with a few mugs beside it and a little thermos of milk. Regina waited until Belle left the room before she made herself a cup and settled down behind the large desk. She barely had the laptop open before Belle walked back in and held out her brand new library card with a big, stupid grin on her face.

“All set,” she chirped. “Let me know if there is anything you need. The internet connection in here can be a little wonky sometimes, but--”

“Wonky?”

“Slow.”

“All right, I’m sure I can manage.” Regina clenched her jaw as she waited for Belle to leave and when she didn’t budge, she forced out a small smile. “Thank you. I really have to do some work. I’m sure Zelena told you about what happened with Henry.”

“Oh, right! Sorry!” Belle chuckled. “I’ll just be right out there. If you need me--”

“I know where to find you,” Regina finished for her. As soon as she walked out and the door shut behind her, she exhaled sharply. “Finally.”

Regina logged into her emails, ignoring all the ones that had come in just that morning and opened up a new email. She wrote out an email to Kathryn outlining in detail some of the things that were absolutely essential to be packed such as her clothes and some of the more important documents she kept in the safe in her office. The list continued and then she made another of the things that she wanted Kathryn to either donate or to have Anita decide what to do with them.

The internet _was_ wonky and slow, but five minutes after she hit send, it finally went through. She sent a quick text to Kathryn to confirm. She responded no less than a minute later with confirmation she had received the email. Satisfied one task was now definitely out of the way, she set about to making a list of the rest of the things she’d need to do, the phone calls she’d need to make, and reorganized everything into a very specific order that would make the next couple of hours not only fly right by but be as productive as she could manage.

She finished the cup of coffee before she finished the list. She frowned as she got up to get another cup and stared at the half pot of coffee in annoyance. It wasn’t good, yet it was drinkable, but it was weak. She’d need a lot more coffee, stronger too if she was going to get through everything she needed to do. She sighed in annoyance and poured another cup, keeping it black, before she headed back to the desk and settled in.

It was going to be a very, _very_ long day.

[X]

Sometime around three that afternoon, Regina finally left the library, her phone nearly dead after all the calls she’d made. She had definitely made some progress in getting a good start to her new adventure, as Anita had put it, and she’d gotten all that she could get done over the phone and email that day. It had been productive even despite working through the migraine that came along with her hangover. Several of her colleagues she collected owed favors from had agreed to take on her current clients as their own--but only if her clients agreed and most of them had. All but one. Marie Whittle.

The infuriating woman refused to be handed off to someone else and Regina’s colleagues, all familiar with the woman themselves, also declined to take on that specific case. In the end, she found her way out, fortunately, and she resigned as Marie Whittle’s lawyer formally. She spent almost an hour on the phone with Anita after that, talking her through all the documents she’d need to gather and have sent by courier to the woman as soon as possible.

Her phone was ringing no less than fifteen minutes after she’d gotten off the phone with Anita. It was Marie Whittle, screaming at her the instant she answered the call, demanding to know why she was dropping her. Regina casually ended the call, reminding the woman she was on bereavement leave. She was quick to block the woman’s number, all three of them that she knew of, and all so she would not have to listen to her whine, bitch, and complain and then proceed to yell at Regina for being unprofessional in the way she was handling things whenever Regina refused to do anything illegal on her behalf.

Her phone was blowing up with notifications from her email app as she walked out of the library and into the too bright and too hot mid-afternoon sun. Regina paused on the sidewalk and glared down at her phone until she managed to figure out how to turn the notifications off. It wasn’t as if she could just toss her phone. Not yet, anyway, but the realization that she would be able to do that if she wanted to was becoming very real.

The life she had built for herself was being taken down, piece by piece. The life she thought she had wanted all those years, it wasn’t what she wanted anymore. The life she wanted was right there all around her. The life she needed was in the very same small town she’d grown up in, the very town she thought for a long time she would never return to if she ever left. If it hadn’t been for Emma, she would’ve left right after graduation, as was the original plan. If it hadn’t been for Emma, she would’ve graduated years before she had and she stopped short on the corner a block away from the library and wondered if her life would’ve been better or worse had she never met Emma at all.

If it weren’t for Emma, she would’ve never known love, at least not the deep-rooted love she’d felt with her. Emma was the reason she had found herself, so to speak, and Emma was the reason she knew what real love felt like just as Emma was part of the reason she knew what true heartbreak felt like too.

Regina ended up at her mother’s house not long after leaving the library. Though she didn’t want to be there unless she had to be, she ended up convincing her mother to let her borrow her car for the rest of the afternoon as it’d make getting around a lot easier and quicker. Her mother was somewhat apprehensive about handing over the keys, but ultimately she handed them over with the condition that Regina would be there for a family dinner the next evening. She agreed, mostly because she knew she would be there anyway, and then she was off in her mother’s car and was driving towards Emma’s house to check on Henry.

When she pulled up along the curb in her mother’s black BMW, she saw Henry sitting out on the front steps with his skateboard on the ground in front of him and a can of Coke on the step beside him. He barely looked up as she got out of the car and crossed over the front lawn. She sighed as she sat down on the steps beside him and he echoed her sigh and kicked at his skateboard before he lifted his head to look over at her.

“What are you doing here?” Henry asked. “Checking in on me or something?”

“I am. Did you see my note?”

“Why do you think I’m still here?” he muttered under his breath. “Don’t worry, I haven’t left the house unless I’m not even allowed to be sitting out here?”

“You’re still on the property, so I am sure it is fine,” Regina replied. “Though you’ll have to sit down with your mother and figure out what her rules and expectations are regarding your…situation.”

“I’m on house arrest _and_ I’m grounded indefinitely.”

“I am not just here to check in on you, Henry,” Regina continued. “I wanted to tell you that I left a message earlier with the detective in charge of the investigation. I haven’t heard back from him yet, but I wanted to ask you if there is anything you’d like me to ask him on your behalf? Any questions? Concerns?”

“How long is this whole thing gonna take?” Henry asked. “I just want my life back, Regina. It’s summer and I can’t even hang out with my friends or do anything fun now. I made a mistake! I get that, but I didn’t actually do any of these things they said I did.”

Regina reached out and put an arm gently around Henry’s shoulders. “I will get you your life back, Henry, but these things unfortunately take time.”

“It sucks.”

“I know it does, but I promised you that I would help you through this and I am.”

Henry sighed and tried to wipe at his tears before Regina noticed. He shook his head as she dropped her arm from around his shoulders and moved to give him a little bit of space. She’d overstepped a boundary, she could just see it in Henry’s eyes. She swallowed past the rising lump in her throat and looked down at the skateboard that was now on the grass.

“I know you stayed here again last night,” Henry said quietly. “So, are you staying here with us then?”

“No, I’m not, Henry. Last night was--”

“So, you and Mom really aren’t back together?” Henry frowned when Regina didn’t immediately respond. “How long are you staying in town for then? Just until this whole shit-storm is over and then what? You go back to your life in New York and just what? You’ll just forget about us again?”

Regina wanted to be honest with him as she believed he deserved nothing less. She ignored the profanity as she looked at him and just smiled. “I’m staying. Indefinitely,” she said as he scoffed in disbelief. “Although, to be honest with you, I haven’t figured out what comes next once we get those charges dropped for you and you get your life back. I wish I could tell you how long it’ll take, but I don’t know yet. I’m sorry.”

“Once this is all over, then what?” Henry asked. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know, Henry.”

“You gonna be a lawyer here in town or something?” he asked. “Or are you gonna do something else?

“I doubt Storybrooke needs more than the few lawyers it already has. It’s too small of a town to even consider opening up my own firm here and honestly, dear, I’m ready to make a few considerable changes in my life,” she said with a light laugh. “But right now, I do not know. I’ll figure it all out when the time comes, though.”

“But you’re staying here, in town? Even after this shit-storm blows over?”

“Yes. I am.”

“Cool.” Henry leaned back on the steps behind him and sighed. “You know, you should work with horses like you used to when I was a kid,” he said after a beat. It immediately sparked an idea in Regina’s head, one she wasn’t sure she was ready to run with just yet. “You were always happy doing that, weren’t you?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Mom called you like a horse whisperer or something.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, dear,” she chuckled quietly. “But I do know how to handle even the most difficult cases.”

Henry laughed. “Well, it’s an idea, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is a good idea, Henry,” she said with a fond smile. “Any other ideas you have up that sleeve of yours? I’d love to hear them.”

Henry lifted his arms and laughed as he shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he said and the laughter along with his smile quickly faded as he folded his hands in his lap. “I don’t really know you anymore. All I know is what Grandpa told me about you whenever I asked. Mom didn’t like it when I asked about you in front of her. Not at first, anyway. But Grandpa? He always loved it when I asked about you. I could tell.”

“Henry--”

“He always talked about you, especially when it was just the two of us. I didn’t really have to ask sometimes, you know? He was just happy to talk about you whenever he could. He told me a lot of stories about you when you were young, too.”

“Oh he did, did he?” Regina chuckled. “I’m sure he wove in a few tall tales in those stories of his.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Henry replied and he frowned as the tears started to swell up in his eyes again. “I really miss him.”

Regina felt a wave of emotion as tears flooded her eyes and blurred her vision. She reached out to hug Henry and was a little surprised when he did not hesitate to throw his arms around her tightly. She could feel the first of his hot tears as he held on a little tighter and she rubbed his back, much like the way she did when he was really young.

“I miss him too, Henry,” she whispered. “I’m glad that you got to spend so much time with him and he with you. I know how much he adored you and loved you.”

“Yeah.”

Henry’s voice sounded so small and meek, and when she felt his hot tears soak through her shirt, she found it was impossible to hold back her own tears any longer. Just holding him, crying with him, it brought her back to memories she had long forgotten, memories of those nights when he woke up from nightmares and needed them to be chased away. It wasn’t the same, though. Henry was older now and different, too.

 _I don’t really know you anymore_.

He didn’t, and she didn’t know him, either, and that made the guilt eat away at her more so than it had in years. It was a heavy burden to bear and one she knew she had to fix sooner rather than later, and she knew she would have to start with Henry. She had to properly apologize to him for leaving the way she had, for not keeping in touch, for not being there for him as she should’ve been.

She had to find a way to apologize for being so _selfish_. Just apologizing with words wasn’t enough. It’d never be enough.

And Henry wasn’t the only one who deserved that apology. Emma did, too, as well as her own mother and sister and her niece.

“Hey,” Regina said as she leaned back and then lifted her hands to gently wipe away Henry’s tears from his cheeks with her fingers. “If you ever want to talk about him, I’ll always be here to listen.”

“Even if it’s hard?”

“Even if it’s hard,” she said and she smiled. “It’s good to talk about the people we’ve lost, especially when we loved them so dearly. It helps keep all the good memories alive.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Henry shirked away from Regina and used the bottom of his plain white t-shirt to wipe away his tears. “Sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologize for what you feel, Henry,” Regina said and he exhaled sharply and managed a small smile as he smoothed his t-shirt back down. “I think we both have a lot of stories about him that we can share with each other, stories only we know about him.”

“Yeah.”

Henry turned his attention to Robyn as she rolled up the street on her skateboard. She was smiling as she headed up to the front steps and tossed her board down on to the grass next to Henry’s. She pulled off the backpack she was wearing and let it fall to the ground at her feet.

“Everything okay?” Robyn asked. “Hen, are you crying?”

“Yeah, it’s cool, Robyn, everything is fine,” Henry said, sniffling a little as he ran his fingers through his hair and forced a smile. “We were just talking about Grandpa. It’s all good. Did you bring them?”

“Bring what?” Regina inquired. Robyn rolled her eyes as she unzipped her backpack and pulled out a few dozen comic books. “Oh.”

“Entertainment,” she said and she laughed as she handed them to Henry. “Em called me earlier and reminded me that Henry is very grounded and that means no TV, no video games, no phone, nothing. This is the next and only option to keep him from losing his mind to boredom since he’s not allowed to leave the house and all.”

“Any new ones in here?” Henry asked as he started to go through the comics one by one.

“I don’t know, Hen, you know I stopped collecting them ages ago.”

“Right,” he sighed dejectedly. “Well, thanks, Robyn. Appreciate it all the same. Should keep me preoccupied for a whole hour at best.”

“Don’t be such an ungrateful brat,” Robyn laughed as she slugged him in the arm and sat down in between him and Regina on the steps. “What are you doing here, Aunt Regina?”

“I just--I--”

“She’s checking in on me,” Henry finished for her. “Making sure I’m not breaking the laws around here and whatnot. Right, Regina?”

“Yes, well, I should go,” she stammered as she got up from the steps and smiled down at the two teenagers. “You two stay out of trouble now, you hear me?”

“We will, Aunt Regina, don’t you worry about us!” Robyn said and she all but pulled Henry up from the steps and towards the front door. “Whatever kind of trouble can we get ourselves into now, hmm?”

“Are you really leaving?” Henry asked, stopping short of following Robyn inside the house.

“Yes, I really should go. I have a few things to do. It’s getting late. If you two need anything, call me, please. For anything at all.”

“We will. Bye!” They both said in unison as they waved her off and she was already walking down to her mother’s car before they shut the front door behind them.

Regina’s mind was filled with the idea that was sparked by Henry as she spent the next half an hour just driving around town. Henry was right about one thing. She’d always loved working at the stables. She had spent so much time there when she was growing up and had always dreamed of one day owning a small farm or a ranch somewhere where she could raise her own horses and live that carefree life that really didn’t seem to exist outside of fiction.

Yet, if there was one piece of advice that her father had given to her over the years that was really worth listening to now, it was to live her life doing what she was passionate about and doing what she enjoyed most.

And whatever that was, she had yet to truly figure it out. But she was going to. One way or another. If she learned anything, especially about herself, was that if she was going to do anything selfish, it was to finally live the life she’d been too afraid to live before.


	26. Chapter 26

In a town as small as Storybrooke, the population standing at roughly just under ten thousand these days, the pace of life was unlike anything she’d experienced anywhere else. It was a place she’d been searching for without realizing it, a place she’d been searching for it her whole life. And there it had been, right there in front of her that entire time and she hadn’t seen it at all.

She’d been too afraid.

A coward.

In all the cities and towns she’d lived in since she’d left, none of those places had ever felt like home. Maybe it was why she’d never settled down anywhere. Perhaps it was why as soon as the thought of moving back to Storybrooke entered her mind she was so quick to abandon the life she had in New York City.

It was different there now though, a different feeling, but it wasn’t so different that she’d forgotten what it was like to be a part of life in such a small town. When she had first come back, it’d been different as she’d been in mourning and it had felt strange then as it did now, just different. It was different in a way she just couldn’t put a finger on why and how, and yet it was a feeling that wasn’t waning.

The small and quaint little town of Storybrooke, Maine, it was her home. It was where she belonged--not in some city where she couldn’t find true happiness. She belonged there in Storybrooke even if she’d spent years doing whatever she could do just to avoid coming back there in the first place. She belonged there because her heart felt at ease for the first time in a very long time.

Which was crazy considering all that had happened to bring her there and all that had happened since.

Regina ended up just off the curve in the road the led into the hills, high above the town. It wasn’t far from the Toll Bridge where she didn’t doubt the high school kids still held some great parties. The place she was now, it’d been known as Cupid’s Lookout, though she’d never gone to either of those places in high school. She never had any of those experiences, not like Kathryn, not like anyone else she’d grown up with there in Storybrooke. Yet after Emma was in her life, she shared her own experiences in those places, memories of her own. Their memories.

Just hers and Emma’s. No one else.

She got out of the car and walked around to the front, leaning back against the bumper as she stared out over the town below. There truly was no other place she’d found that was quite like it was there. She knew every inch of Storybrooke, the miles and miles of forest, of the rivers and trails, she knew every street, every store, and at one time she knew just about everyone that lived in that town, back when it was half the size. She realized as she looked out over the town, looking out at the new development that had been built in the time she’d been gone, the town had changed too.

Everything really _was_ different.

_Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed._

Things were different now too, just as some things were still the same and the one thing that was still the same was the way she felt about Emma. She still loved her, she was still _in_ love with her, and she knew Emma felt the same or why else would they have been together the other night? Why else would Emma have come to rescue her from the Rabbit Hole and then stay with her after putting her to bed?

Regina pushed off the front end of the car and walked to the edge where the ground gave way to the sky, the edge of the cliff, protected only by a flimsy looking metal barrier that couldn’t keep anything from slipping over the edge. She bent down and picked up a smooth rock no bigger than a shiny silver quarter, and she looked out over the edge, over the top of the trees below, and over the town she would now call home again.

What had been the thing that made her turn her entire life upside down? It wasn’t her father’s sudden death. No, it may have started there at first, but really it was that phone call that came in the middle of the night, the early morning flight that led her to bail Henry out of jail, all of which led her right to where she was now. And it wasn’t just that, it was Emma showing up at that dingy motel room in Portland. It was that road trip to Storybrooke and the memories that came flooding back with it. It was being back in the house she and Emma once called home together, and it was that long night of making love with the one person in the whole world she never thought she’d get a second chance with.

She was all too aware how quickly and easily she’d nearly destroyed that second chance. That fight against her demons, the one she’d lost yesterday in a moment of weakness and desperation, it left her riddled with nothing but guilt and that guilt was slowly eating away at her. Giving in had been a distraction and one that hadn’t worked.

Giving in had only left her with guilt, with remorse, with that heavy burden of letting herself down in that moment of weakness when she knew she could’ve been a hell of a lot stronger than she had been. The more she tried to really pinpoint all of it, the more she realized that it wasn’t just one thing that made her slip, that made her lose that fight against the darkest of her demons, it was a lot of things. It was everything.

Regina looked down at the smooth rock in her hand and laughed bitterly before she threw it as hard and as far as she could over the edge of the cliff. After a few seconds, she could hear the faint _clink_ of the rock hitting a branch on a tree and then another and then nothing.

Staying sober wasn’t something she could face alone. It wasn’t something she could conquer alone. In New York there had been options, there had been help. Therapy, AA meetings, support groups. Did Storybrooke even have any of those things? She doubted there was even an addiction center or a rehab within a hundred-mile radius. She did know she had to find some help, she needed _something_.

She was just so tired of fighting those demons and feeling like a complete failure when she was too weak to face them alone for any longer. She had fallen before, more times than she could count, but this time was different, and this time she didn’t want to fall alone.

She just couldn’t do this alone.

Furiously she wiped at the tears she didn’t realize were there until she could feel them rolling down her cheeks, the breeze making them cool quickly before they could be wiped away. She got back into the car and sat there with both hands gripping tightly onto the steering wheel and her eyes forward, not focused, her mind running rampant as her heart raced. It raced so quickly she thought she may just pass out.

“It’s the hangover,” she muttered as she buried her face into her hands. “That’s all. The hangover. The guilt. Everything. What you need is coffee--no, food. Definitely food.”

Regina couldn’t remember what she’d eaten last, but food was definitely now at the forefront of her mind, and it helped keep her focus off the feeling that was practically suffocating her. The ride back into town didn’t take long, barely eight minutes before she lucked out and parked in the only empty spot right outside the diner. It was no debate on making the choice to be there, at Granny’s of all places, but it was safer than going back to her mother’s house and definitely safer than ending up at the local watering hole for the second day in a row.

Granny’s was busy, it was always busy during the dinner rush, and Regina’s luck held out when someone left their seat at the counter, leaving her with the only available spot in the entire place. She took a seat just as Ruby rushed out of the kitchen, flustered and angry and not a second later two other waitresses were rushing out behind her.

Regina placed the key to the car down on the counter and looked around, almost immediately spotting Eugenia Lucas seated at a small booth near the back, newspaper out in front of her, a cup of what Regina knew was her infamous cup of hot cocoa in one hand, her eyes on her granddaughter and the other two waitresses as they rushed around the room to take in orders.

“Hey,” Ruby said, sounding winded as she approached Regina with her pad and pencil in hand. She reached for a menu, and instead of saying no, Regina took it from her. “Kind of swamped right now, but I’ll get to you soon. Coffee?”

“Please. Thank you, Ruby. I’ll need a few minutes to decide anyway.”

“I didn’t know you were back in town,” Ruby said, quirking an eyebrow as she placed a clean mug in front of Regina on the counter and reached for the coffee pot. She poured it into the mug with a smile. “Welcome back, Regina.”

“Thank you.”

While she waited, Regina looked around at the people in the diner and saw some familiar faces in the crowd. She didn’t recognize the older couple she was seated next to nor the people next to them. She observed the people all around her as she sipped on her coffee. Although there were more new faces than old familiar ones, the vibe inside the diner was still much of the same as it had always been.

It was a home away from home, in a sense, and Regina had spent a good chunk of her life eating there, hanging out with her friends, spending time there with Emma and Henry. It was just a place to be, a place where everyone always felt so welcome, and it helped that the food was always delicious. She remembered how it had still been a home away from home even when she started working more, picking up all those extra shifts whenever they needed the extra money. Granny’s became the place where Emma racked up a tab that doubled the cost of their monthly grocery bill in just a week.

Regina finished her coffee before Ruby made it back to her to take her order. Regina blanked as she stared down at the menu and realized she hadn’t decided what to get yet as she’d been too busy lost in her own head for the last ten minutes.

“So,” Ruby said as she leaned up against the edge of the counter beside her and grinned widely. “I just got a phone call.”

“You’re allowed to take personal calls at work during the dinner rush?”

“No,” Ruby replied with a sarcastic laugh. “It wasn’t a personal call. It was an order.”

“Wonderful. I think I’ll have the--”

“The problem is, we’re swamped right now, and I can’t get out to deliver the order for at least another hour.”

Regina sighed as she stared up at the tall brunette. “And why should that concern me, Ruby?”

“You still have a tab that hasn’t been paid,” Ruby replied quietly and she motioned over to her grandmother, and when Regina looked over, she realized that Eugenia was staring them down with a death glare. “Granny was going on and on and on about it the other day and just this morning actually. So, I was thinking of a way you could, you know, pay it off finally after all this time.”

“How much is it? I can pay it off right now,” Regina asked and Ruby shook her head. “What? You want me to work in exchange for paying off my debt to your grandmother?”

“Just one delivery.”

“A delivery?” Regina sighed and she picked up the car key. “Fine. Where?”

“Sheriff’s station,” Ruby said, her grin growing impossibly wider with every second that passed and Regina had to fight to keep from rolling her eyes, but a laugh slipped out, and she shook her head. “What? Em is working a double and she always orders dinner when she works a double. We just, you know, usually have someone here to deliver it to her.”

“The station is literally down the street. She could just walk here and pick it up herself.”

“She’s working.”

“That’s never stopped her before,” Regina replied and this time she couldn’t contain the eye roll as Ruby just looked at her insistently. “What are you trying to do, Ruby Lucas?”

“Me?” Ruby looked at her as innocently as she could manage before she burst out laughing. “Look, I’m trying to help you out here, Regina. Em, too.”

“Why?”

“Well, Em is my friend, believe it or not, and I only want her to be happy. You,” she said and paused as she looked Regina up and down. “You seem to be the source of this newfound happiness of hers. Food is also a source of happiness for her as you probably remember. So,” she said as she walked over to the pass-thru window as the cook placed a large paper bag down on the sill. “I need you to run this down to the sheriff’s station while it’s still hot. Thanks, Regina. You’re a peach!”

Regina stared at the large paper bag of food that was placed down in front of her and stammered in protest. “I came here to eat, Ruby, not to--Ruby!” she said as Ruby waved her off before she rushed into the kitchen. “Great.”

She picked up the bag of food and strolled out of the diner, ignoring some of the looks from people as she walked past them, but she didn’t miss the self-satisfied smirk on Eugenia Lucas’ face, however, and she scowled as she walked out of the diner and headed for the street.

The walk to the station took less than five minutes. Regina walked with a swift stride down the street and spotted Emma’s Bug parked in the lot beside the station. A cruiser pulled up as she approached and she watched as Deputy Booth got out of the cruiser and headed into the station quickly.

It was quiet in the station when she walked in, and though the deputy had just walked in not even twenty seconds before her, it was empty in the front room, and nobody sat behind the front desk, either. She sighed and was about to just leave the food there on the desk when she heard the sound of boisterous laughter coming from the back of the building. She shifted the bag in her arms, careful not to let the grease that was seeping through the bag get on her clothes and she walked down the hallway to the back, the laughter getting louder with every step.

When she reached the end of the hallway, she lingered there, just out of sight, and watched as Emma stood by one of the three desks, her back to Regina, and a dart in her right hand. Her two deputies were standing just off to the side, jeering at her as she turned to the left and lifted the hand she held the dart in. Regina cast a quick glance at the wall opposite of Emma and saw the dart board hanging there with two darts already on the board, both in the middle of the bullseye.

“You guys realize that if I win, and I will,” Emma said with a chuckle as she glanced back at them before she turned to face the dart board. “You both are going to owe me breakfast for a month. One month _each_. Who is going to go first? Just remember, I prefer my bear claws hot and fresh off the rack, so that means you’ll have to be at Granny’s first thing.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means six,” August said to Killian and chuckled. “Think you can crawl outta bed and get your ass there in time, Jones?”

“Think you can, mate? You’re the one going first.”

“Like hell I am!”

“Boys!” Emma exclaimed and she laughed as she lifted her hand again steadily. “Quiet, please. You know I need to focus. It’s cheating if you throw me off with your stupidity.”

Regina smirked as she leaned up against the wall, both deputies noticing her now but didn’t say a word. Emma took a few deep breaths before she threw the dart and it landed on the board with a soft thud. Bullseye. A laugh escaped, and Emma turned to her in surprise.

“Regina!”

“You’re always so competitive, aren’t you, Sheriff Swan?” Regina drawled out as she placed the bag on the desk closest to her. “You never did like to lose, did you?”

“Never,” Emma laughed and she wiped the palms of her hands on her jeans before she turned to her two dumbstruck deputies. “All right, boys, back to work. Jones, you’re on patrol for the last hour of your shift and Booth? Wasn’t there another part of your bet that you should get started on, hmm?”

“Paperwork. Right. I’m on it.”

Regina raised an eyebrow and watched as Emma strutted towards her and motioned for her to follow her into the small office. Emma picked up the bag, opened it and inhaled deeply, moaning quietly in delight as she entered the small office. She put the bag down on the cluttered desk and took a seat in the chair behind it, sighing out heavily as she leaned back in the chair. Regina immediately looked at the half-eaten bear claw sitting on the desk. Emma just chuckled lightly as she picked it up and took a bite.

“What are you doing here, Regina?” Emma asked. “Not that it isn’t good to see you and hey,  you brought food, so that’s always a plus!”

Regina pointed at the bag from Granny’s and said, “I’m here to absolve a debt I wasn’t aware I owed. Ruby was very insistent.”

Emma laughed as she opened the bag up and pulled out a wrapped burger. “Want one?” she asked as she held it out and Regina shook her head no. “Did you already eat?”

“No. I barely finished my coffee and Ruby was sending me off here with your order.”

“You weren’t joking when you said she was very insistent, huh?” Emma laughed again and pulled out a small box of French fries. “Are you sure you don’t want anything? There is plenty in here if you--”

“It’s fine, Emma. I’m not going to eat your food.”

“It’s not just for me,” she said as she popped a French fry into her mouth and grinned. “I got an order of onion rings in there. When is the last time you had some? Forever, huh?”

Regina tapped her foot and sighed before she walked over and sat down in the chair across the desk from Emma. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had them, but she obviously didn’t need to confirm that fact. Emma chuckled as she pulled the box out of the bag and Regina immediately reached for them. Emma shook her head no and placed it down on the desk in between them and opened it.

“If you don’t mind sharing?” Emma smirked as Regina took one look at her before she snatched an onion ring out of the box. “Good, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you don’t want a burger? Got a couple of them in here.”

“If this isn’t for just you, why aren’t you sharing it with your deputies?” Regina asked as she reached for another onion ring, unable to resist the greasy, crisp indulgence she hadn’t allowed herself for longer than she could remember. “This is just for you, isn’t it?” Regina asked after she took a tiny bite and raised an eyebrow. “Really, Emma?”

“What? I’m _hungry_. Some of this is for later.”

“I see.”

“I haven’t eaten since this morning,” Emma continued as she unwrapped her burger slowly. She didn’t take her eyes off of Regina. “What have you been up to all day?”

“I’ve been busy,” Regina replied. She eyed the unwrapped burger as Emma lifted it with both hands and groaned quietly as a slice of tomato slowly slid out from under the bun and plopped down onto the wrapper on the desk. “Phone calls.”

“Sounds tedious.”

“It was.” Regina frowned as Emma took a bite and a thinly sliced pickle made its way out of the burger and onto the wrapper next to the tomato. “And what about you, Emma? What have you been doing all day?”

“Work.”

“Care to indulge?”

Emma quickly chewed and swallowed the bite she’d just taken. “Just work,” she said with a nonchalant shrug. “Surprisingly not that busy around here considering it’s a holiday tomorrow.”

“So, here you are.”

“Here I am.”

“Doing everything but work,” Regina chuckled as Emma looked at her with an utterly confused look on her face. “Not much has changed, has it?”

“Oh, that?” Emma said as she motioned to the dart board that hung on the wall by the filing cabinets just outside of her office. “It’s a slow day, as I said. Not much happens around here really.”

“No cats to rescue from trees? No loose dogs to chase down?”

Emma laughed and took another bite of her burger before setting it down on the wrapper. “Fire department takes care of the cats in trees these days,” she said as she leaned back in her chair and grabbed a napkin to wipe at her lips and fingers. “And,” she continued as she leaned forward and grabbed an onion ring from the box. “We have a pretty strict leash law these days, so not too many dogs to chase.”

“I suppose not much happens in a town that requires a strong police presence such as the one I’ve just seen,” Regina said with a teasing tone and Emma just laughed.

“You’re right,” she said and laughed again. “I guess it is one of the many perks of being the sheriff of a small town with a low crime rate.”

“Amongst many other perks, I suppose, hmm?” Regina’s tone was still teasing. She was _flirting_.

Emma shrugged and leaned forward again to snatch another onion ring out of the box. “Not that I don’t enjoy a little surprise visit where you bring me food now and then but is this what you’re really doing here?” Emma asked curiously. “Bringing me food because Ruby was insistent that you did? I thought you were busy making phone calls today, Gina?”

“I’ve done all that I can for today,” she replied and she found it was growing impossible to keep her eyes off of Emma, watching her in almost utter fascination as Emma uncouthly shoved three whole onion rings into her mouth. “That’s attractive.”

“I’m starving,” Emma said once she’d swallowed hard a moment later. She smiled sheepishly and picked up the burger again. “What?”

“Nothing.”

Emma grinned with a small shake of her head. “So, remember how I was supposed to be working a double shift today?” she asked and Regina nodded. “See, there are many perks to being the sheriff, including being able to bribe my deputies to do an extra shift here and there.”

“By playing games that you know you’ll win.”

“Right. Exactly,” she said and she laughed again. “Jones owes me for life.”

Regina reached for another onion ring, unable to resist the temptation of them. She was hungry, _starving_ , and that burger Emma was slowly eating was beginning to tempt her into taking Emma up on her offer completely. It was an indulgence and once she hadn’t given into for a long time. She ate healthy when she could, which was most of the time, but burgers and fries and onion rings? They weren’t a part of her diet those days, and when she did indulge, it was takeout from Luigi’s down the street from her place in New York City.

“Why on earth is he even working here?” Regina asked as she couldn’t quite understand how or why a person like Killian Jones could even get a job policing in a small town, much less be qualified to be an officer of the law. “He seems unqualified.”

“He graduated from the academy just like Booth and I did. He applied for a position here and the mayor approved it. Out of my hands, really as he’s been here for a few years longer than me, but he’s not so bad,” Emma said and she rolled her eyes a little before she turned to look out the window to the right of her. “When he’s not acting like a complete tool, that is,” she added as an afterthought. “He’s a good deputy, believe it or not, and god, why am I even defending him?”

“He is your deputy.”

“But he’s still Killian Jones. Do you know how hard it has been to spend years fending him off?” Emma groaned quietly and Regina’s eyebrows raised in concern. “I don’t think he understands that as a gay woman it definitely means I do not want to be with a man in any shape or form. I guess he figured since I have a kid, I’d give him a chance. I don’t know. He doesn’t give up. Can’t get through his thick skull whenever I try to tell him and convince him that he’ll never be more than just my deputy. We’re not even friends.”

“That’s highly unprofessional,” Regina said with a frown. “You shouldn’t have to deal with it and go on with your life as if it is normal. Trust me when I tell you that it is not normal, Emma. It’s not okay. It is not something that should be tolerable at best. What he’s doing is a form of harassment if he is as persistent as you’re implying he is.”

“Oh, he’s harmless, Regina. Besides, he’s been dating Tina for a while now. You know her, right?”

“Tina who?”

“Everyone calls her Tink.”

“Oh, right,” Regina said with a knowing smile. “Tink Belcourt. How could I have forgotten about her? She’s back in town?”

“Yeah, for a few years now. She owns the salon over on James Street,” Emma replied. “She’s head over heels for Killian. It’s quite amusing, really. I have no idea what the hell she sees in him, but they’re the perfect pair.”

“I’m sure they are. Emma, this isn’t just a social visit.”

“It’s not?”

Regina shook her head no and Emma’s frown deepened. “I left a voice mail for the detective in Portland earlier. Unfortunately, I have not heard back from him,” she said and Emma’s frown deepened even more. “Has anyone been in contact with you today?”

Emma nodded before taking a rather large bite of her burger. She placed what was left of it down on the wrapper and swallowed. “I got a fax earlier,” she said. She wiped her greasy fingers on her jean-clad thighs before she grabbed a few sheets of paper off the desk beside her computer. “Just some paperwork I need to fill out.”

A few papers fell out as Emma tried to hand them to Regina and she laughed nervously as she quickly tried to pick them up before they picked up any of the grease from the food they’d landed on. Regina laughed as she took the papers from Emma’s hands and out of harm’s way.

“I’ve never seen forms like this before,” Emma said quietly as she motioned at the papers. “I was going to ask you if you could come over and take a look. Just hadn’t got that far yet.”

Regina knew what those papers were, documents for Emma to sign off as the sheriff agreeing to report as there were no probation officers in town or available. It was fairly standard, though they weren’t used very often anymore. There just weren’t a lot of towns like Storybrooke who had those services and the town’s sheriff would take over those responsibilities.

She knew Emma knew what they were, but because Henry is her son, she’s now put in a very hard place--the choice to choose her role as Henry’s mother or do her job as Sheriff Swan making it hard for her to decide what she wanted to do. Regina could only imagine how hard it was to deal with that as a mother. Especially since she was all Henry had. His father dead. Regina knew Emma was struggling.

“This is uh, fairly standard,” she said as she handed the forms back to Emma carefully. “You’ll need to make a decision,” she continued when Emma just stared down at the forms blankly. “As Henry’s lawyer, I advise you to make that decision quickly.”

“So, I just sign off on it and send it back?”

“Yes, Emma. Once you’ve made a decision.”

“Okay,” Emma replied with a heavy sigh. “I got this.”

She grabbed a pen out of the overflowing holder sitting precariously on the edge of the desk, and she quickly filled out the forms. She stopped on the last page, the tip of the pen hesitating, hovering just over where her signature was required. Emma pulled her hand back, her frown deep.

“It feels like a conflict of interest because Henry is my son.”

“You can assign one of your deputies instead,” Regina said quietly. “It is entirely up to you. As Henry’s lawyer, I advise--”

“You advise me to do this quickly,” Emma said tightly. “Yeah. I know, Regina. I heard you the first time.”

Regina clenched her jaw and sat back in a sigh of wonderment at how the mood had changed between them so quickly. Of course Henry was at the forefront of Emma’s mind, especially right now.

“Everything is done electronically now,” Regina said. Emma scoffed and gave a quick glance at her computer. “Is everything in this town outdated?”

“Just about,” Emma shrugged. “Why?”

“You need to start working with an updated system or else you and your entire department are going to fall behind. You’ll need to keep up with things outside of your jurisdiction. This incident with Henry should be an eye-opener how far you all have--” Regina stopped short as she realized what she was about to say to Emma. “Who is in charge of the budget?”

“Mayor’s office.”

“Who at the mayor’s office deals with it?”

“I don’t know, Regina, the mayor himself maybe? I just send the paperwork there to be signed off.” Emma scoffed and she let out a frustrated grunt as she put the pen back down to the paper and quickly signed the form. “I’ll get Booth to handle this. I can trust him not to fuck things up.”

“And let me guess, he owes you one, doesn’t he?”

That made Emma laugh and she visibly seemed to relax. “He owes me forever, just about,” she said and another laugh escaped past her lips. “I’m sorry, Regina. I’m really stressed out right now and I lied.” Emma paused for a moment. “It’s not a slow day, not really. Things are getting pretty bad around here. Not like _bad_ bad but, well it’s definitely not the Storybrooke you’d remember, that’s for sure.”

“I see,” Regina replied and she swallowed thickly as she stared over at Emma. It was just too hard to look away, just as it was too hard to stop herself from feeling a certain way just being in Emma’s presence. “Maybe,” she said as she broke the silence. “Maybe you could catch me up on everything sometime, Emma?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Emma said with a smile. “It’s a long story. I have to warn you.”

“All right,” Regina chuckled. “It’s a date.”

It was such an automatic response and she gulped quietly as Emma sat back in surprise and then let out a loud laugh. “A date, huh?” she asked. “Tomorrow?”

“I have plans.”

“So do I, it being the Fourth of July and all,” Emma replied and she furrowed her brow before she continued. “Though these are the second or third set of plans. I’d prefer the original.”

Regina remembered they were supposed to have been away at Rattlesnake Point. If they had gone, Henry never would’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Regina probably wouldn’t even be there right now.

“So, your mom invited Henry and me over for family dinner tomorrow night,” Emma said. “We always go when Cora invites us over, and well, it’s the Fourth of July, and she’s finally agreed to having a good old barbecue this time. Fireworks, too.”

“My mother agreed to this?” Regina asked in absolute disbelief. “Really?”

“Yeah, it took a little persuasion in the form of Henry and Robyn, but not much. She has a hard time telling either of them no.”

It was hard to believe that. Her mother told her “no” all the time when she was growing up, even well into her early adult years. She just couldn’t imagine her mother being any different with Robyn and Henry.

“So,” Emma exhaled slowly, “is it a date or is it too weird for you to--”

“It’s a date, Emma.”


	27. Chapter 27

It wasn’t long before Regina was reminded of Emma’s role as the sheriff when a call came in she had to respond to. Domestic abuse. The Leahy’s again, Emma had said before she’d all but run off, her deputy not too far behind her.

Of course Emma didn’t fail to take the bag from Granny’s with her and she left the box of onion rings right where they were. Regina snatched the box before she too left the station and paused just out front on the sidewalk to watch the sheriff’s cruiser as it sailed down Main Street, sirens on and lights flashing. Deputy Booth was right behind her in his own cruiser, and Regina headed back up the street, eating the onion rings from the box and wondering just what kind of danger Emma put herself in regularly.

It was something she found hard to stop thinking about even after she spent the next hour driving around Storybrooke, not looking for Emma but trying to clear her head while avoiding having to return to her mother’s house for the night.

What she didn’t anticipate happening was running out of gas about ten miles outside of town with a dead phone. And she definitely didn’t anticipate the sudden summer storm that rolled in not long after she’d gotten out of her car and was about to walk back into town to get some gas.

What a hell of a day it was turning out to be after all. It wasn’t as if she expected things to go smoothly--they never really did, especially not when she’d been suffering through the worst hangover she’d had in the last decade.

A sudden and unexpected knock on the door window made her jump. She turned to see someone standing outside as the rain started to fall. She took a few deep breaths and rolled the window down to see a familiar face she didn’t expect.

“David,” she said quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“Car trouble, Regina?” David asked as he held up a hand to shield his eyes from the rain. “Need a hand or are you okay?”

“I’m out of gas,” Regina said as she frowned. “I--”

“Good thing I got a spare can in the truck,” David said and he was off before Regina could refuse his help.

It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate him stopping and now offering to help, it was the fact that there was history between the two and it wasn’t exactly good. Regina watched David Nolan in the rearview mirror as he came jogging back to the car with a gas can. Kathryn’s ex-step-brother might as well have been a perfect stranger to her. They ran with different crowds in high school not to mention the fact he was Kathryn’s ex-step-brother, and he hated Kathryn--including all of her friends.

“Got just enough in here to get you to the gas station,” David said as Regina leaned out the window a little to look back at him and she smiled politely. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I was just out and about.” Regina frowned and reached for her wallet she had sitting on the passenger seat beside her dead phone. “Let me pay you for the gas, David.”

“No need,” he said as he waved her off and finished pouring the gas out of the canister and into her tank. He screwed the cap back on and shut the little door. “Consider it a favor for an old friend.”

“We were never friends.”

“I suppose not,” David replied and he shrugged as he wiped away the raindrops on his face and leaned in toward the window. “You good to go now, Regina? No other trouble?”

“No, no other trouble. Thank you, David.”

Regina waited until David returned to his truck and drove away before she too drove away from the side of the road and headed back into town. It wasn’t long before she caught up and was driving behind David’s old brown Ford. It looked like she was following him though that wasn’t the case at all. It was the only way back into town, and David was heading there, too.

She slowed down as David turned into the entrance of Storybrooke High School and then continued to drive along with no precise destination in mind other than the gas station to fill the tank up. Her mother would have a fit if she returned the car with the gas tank nearly empty. And with her terrible luck, the only gas station in town was packed when she finally pulled up, a line of cars waiting for one of the three pumps to become available.

Half an hour later and a full tank of gas, Regina was back on the road and had reluctantly made the decision to return to her mother’s house. She needed to charge her phone and she’d left the charger in her bag that sat in her old room. She needed to check her messages, her emails, and she no doubt missed several calls in the time since her phone’s battery had died. It was stressing her out and the only reason she was going back to the house earlier than she originally planned.

Zelena’s car was in the driveway when she pulled up and parked beside it. She clenched her jaw and took a few deep breaths before heading into the house using the side door. She was surprised to hear music, classical with a bit of jazz, playing somewhere in the house and she dropped the key to her mother’s car in the bin where it belonged in the foyer and followed the sound of the music upstairs and into her niece’s bedroom.

“Regina,” Cora said with a lazy, drunken smile. “Come. Listen. Isn’t it wonderful?”

“It’s a new mix,” Robyn said with a shy shrug as she sat behind her computer. Cora sat on the edge of the bed, and Zelena stood by the window, swaying to the music. “They were pretty insistent that I share before I finished it.”

“Did you get what you needed to get done, dear?” Cora asked and Regina nodded stiffly though she didn’t really. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Mother,” she sighed. “I’m just tired.” A beat passed before Regina turned to look at her niece and smiled fondly. “It sounds great so far, Robyn. I’d love to listen to it when you’re finished.”

“Of course.”

“Regina?” Cora said as Regina started to walk out of the room. “Plans have changed for tomorrow. We’re going to be having dinner at Emma’s seeing as Henry cannot leave the house. You are still planning to join us, are you?”

“I told you I would.”

“Wonderful.” Cora laid back on Robyn’s bed with her eyes closed and a smile dancing over her lips. “More. Play some more, dear.”

Regina headed down the hall to her room, her dead phone in hand, and stopped when she realized she was being followed. She turned to her sister with a frown and a tired sigh, choosing not to say a word before she continued down the hallway to her room. Zelena, of course, followed, and she didn’t hesitate to enter the room when Regina didn’t bother to shut the door behind her.

“Can you believe it?” Zelena asked incredulously. “A barbecue. Do you even realize how bloody long we’ve been trying to convince Mother to go through with one?”

“Zelena, I’m not in the mood,” Regina said as she dug through her bag for her charger and pulled it out. “It’s just a barbecue, not some extravagant event. Family dinner is what she called it when she demanded I be there.”

“In exchange for borrowing her car,” Zelena replied pointedly. “What is with you today, Regina? You’re in a foul mood.”

“I’m tired, I’ve had a long day, and right now I’d just like to be left alone please.”

“You’re also hungover.”

“Are you here just to be a royal pain in my ass right now, Zelena?”

“Isn’t that what sisters are for?” Zelena cackled and then suddenly her face was a mask of seriousness as she reached out for Regina’s arm and forced her to sit down on the bed beside her. “I’m worried about you.”

“Why? Wouldn’t that be a first?”

“I’m always worried about you, sissy.”

Regina rolled her eyes and got up from the bed. She walked over to her desk, plugged her charger in and then plugged in her phone. After a few seconds, her phone screen came back to life, and she saw she had about a dozen missed calls and a text from Emma.

“Are you really staying?” Zelena inquired as Regina’s thumb hovered over the screen, tempted to read Emma’s text first before listening to her voicemail.

“That is the rumor, isn’t it?” Regina replied as she pulled her chair out from the desk and sat down before she put her phone face down on top of the desk. “I’m staying. Is that confirmation you so needed right now, Zelena?”

“I think it’s wonderful you’re home,” she smiled brightly. “I think it’ll give us a good opportunity to start over, to start fresh. What do you say, sis?”

“To what?”

Zelena rolled her eyes and she was up in a flash the instant her little dog came running into the bedroom. “Out! Git! Mummy will be with you shortly, baby,” she said to the little dog before she shut the door and turned around with a smile. “To a fresh start between us, Regina,” she stated. “Don’t you think it’s due time we finally become the sisters we’ve always been?”

“There was a time when we weren’t?” Regina asked, biting back a laugh at the look of absolute annoyance on Zelena’s face. “You and I have never gotten along, Zelena. I don’t know why you would think it’d be different now.”

“Everything is different now, don’t you see? Look,” Zelena said as she casually took a seat on the bed again and crossed her legs. “I want to start fresh, you and I. Don’t you think it’s due time we try to at least get along for once in our lives? Daddy would’ve wanted that. You know that, don’t you?”

“We never--”

“Discussed family or matters going on here in Storybrooke, I know, but what you don’t know, Regina, is that Daddy told me many times he wished things were different, especially between us two.”

“What, did he want us to be best friends?” Regina fought the urge to roll her eyes at the soft and hopeful look in her sister’s wide eyes. “Zelena, have you forgotten what our relationship was like all our lives? We could never stand each other, and quite frankly, I hated you for a very long time.”

“I know, but we’re grown up now and should be past that, don’t you think?”

“I’m tired,” Regina groaned quietly. “I am also not in the mood to--”

“I don’t care,” Zelena snapped. “I told you, I’m worried about you, Regina.”

“Well, you don’t have to be. I’m fine, as you can see for yourself,” Regina replied, her tone tight. “Now, if you would be so kind to leave, I would be very grateful.”

“I just want you to know one thing,” Zelena said as she rose up from the bed ever so slowly and smoothed down her rose-colored blouse. “I am here for you. Whatever you’re going through, you don’t need to go through this alone. You can talk to me. I know you don’t believe it, but you can. You need to know what kind of support you have behind you now that you’re home and back in our lives.”

“Thank you.”

Zelena walked over to her, and before Regina could react, Zelena was bending down to hug her as she sat on the chair motionless. “I love you,” Zelena said as she hugged Regina a little tighter. “Don’t you ever forget that do you hear me?”

“Okay, Zelena,” Regina said as she tried to ease her way out of the awkward hug.

“I want you to say it.”

“You’re an ass.”

Zelena ended the hug and stepped back with a knowing grin on her face. “Say it, Regina. Tell me you love me.”

“Get out.”

“Say it! If you say it, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the night.”

“Fine,” Regina groaned as she got up and walked towards the door knowing Zelena would follow. “Love you too, sis. Now get out.”

Zelena’s laughter was piercing as she walked out of the room and pulled the door shut behind her, but not before she turned to Regina and blew her a kiss. Regina returned to her desk and picked up her phone once she was certain Zelena wasn’t about to return and she opened the text from Emma.

**Hey.**

**It’s Emma.**

Regina laughed as she walked over to the bed and laid back as she quickly typed up a response after she plugged the charger into the outlet beside her nightstand.

**Hello.**

**I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but…**

**But?**

**Can you call me?**

**Aren’t you supposed to be working, Sheriff?**

She had barely hit send before her phone started to ring. She let it ring once, twice, and picked up before the third ring started and she tried to keep from laughing as she heard Emma swearing on the other end of the line.

“I didn’t mean to call!” Emma said in a rush. “Sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Regina replied softly. “What don’t you want me to take the wrong way?”

“There isn’t an easy way to put this, but, I thought you might want to know that we have AA meetings,” Emma said quickly. “it’s not a big group or anything, but they meet every day. I thought maybe you might want to know and maybe, if you know, you need to go at least you know that there is a place to go.”

Regina clenched her jaw tight. “Are you asking me to go to AA or are you telling me to, Emma?” she asked and she sighed heavily. “Emma, I slipped up yesterday, but I can tell you that it is not about to happen again. Not anytime soon.”

“I’m just--”

“Worried?” Regina asked bitterly. “Join the club.”

“You were a complete wreck yesterday, Regina,” Emma said softly. “When I got the call to come and pick you up from the bar, I didn’t know what I was about to walk into. When I saw you…god, Regina, I’ve never seen you like that before and it scared me. It made me realize that things are a lot harder for you than what Dad had told me before. You’ve always had your shit together, so to speak, so seeing you like that? I don’t know. It just broke my heart.”

_Again._

“I slipped and made several mistakes yesterday. I’m fully aware of that, Emma.”

“I’m not saying that you’re not, I’m just--”

“Telling me to go to AA,” Regina finished for her as she got up off the bed and cursed under her breath as the phone was a little restricted by the charge cord. “In a town this small, I doubt the meetings are truly anonymous anyway.”

“I know for a fact they make anyone attending sign a waiver of confidentiality.”

“As if a waiver would ever stop someone from gossiping if--”

“It’s anonymous, Regina,” Emma said and she sighed heavily. “Besides, I think you’d be surprised at how little people gossip about those who have an addiction. It’s part of the group to remain anonymous. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Regina sat back down on the bed and frowned deeply. “I appreciate your concern, Emma, but I--”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I know.” Regina closed her eyes and groaned quietly. Emma was just concerned and trying to help, she reminded herself, and she had been wondering about it earlier anyway. “Since you seem to be so full of knowledge at the moment, where is this AA group held?”

“At the high school in the library. I think you missed group tonight, though.”

“I see. And you said they meet every day?”

“Yeah,” Emma replied. “Booth, I’m on the phone!” Emma said, her voice muffled, and Regina could hear her deputy talking in the background. “I gotta go, Regina, but you know David Nolan, right?”

“Yes.”

“He runs the group,” she said quickly. “You should get in touch with him if, you know, you’re interested in going and uh, if you don’t want to go by yourself, I’ll come with you.”

“I’ll think about it. Do you happen to have his number?” Regina asked. “I’ll give him a call and talk to him about it.”

“Yeah, uh, I’ll text it to you. I gotta run, Regina. Another call came in. Leahy’s. Again.”

“Do be careful, Sheriff Swan, we have a date tomorrow.”

“I know. I’ll call you later okay?”

And before Regina could say another word, the call ended and she laid back on the bed again, only lifting her phone up into her line of sight when Emma text her David Nolan’s number a minute later. She put her phone down on the nightstand to let it charge and went to sit down at her desk. She opened up her laptop and did a quick search for local AA groups and sure enough the first on the list according to her location was the AA group that met nightly at Storybrooke High.

Regina wasn’t sure it was such a great idea to attend a meeting as it hadn’t been beneficial to her when she’d tried in New York before. She wasn’t sure if it was Emma bringing it up like that that was making her reconsider, but she knew she had to do something if she were to survive being back in Storybrooke and be able to stay sober.

She closed her laptop and sighed. Yesterday came crawling back to the forefront of her mind, and it exhausted her to just think about all that led up to her inevitable downfall.

It wasn’t just the last few weeks that had caused her to fall. She’d been slipping for far longer than that. Her life was falling apart again and she had done all she could to ignore all of it. It had become something she hadn’t even realized she was doing--something she hadn’t _let_ herself realize all that time.

It was almost as if she’d left herself behind when she left all those years ago because she was starting to find herself again now that she was back.

Suddenly, as she had a revelation, she opened her laptop back up and opened a new tab, searching for properties to buy or rent in and around town. If she was going to stay there, she couldn’t stay at her mother’s house. She’d need her own place. Unfortunately for her, only two houses were up for sale, and they were less than ideal. One too small and needed far too much work, the other far too big and way beyond what she could afford even with the insurance money she’d received after her father died.

She refined her search, looking instead for rentals, keeping her search open and unrestricted to certain specifics. There were a lot more results for rentals in town, and she clicked through each one, dissatisfied with each as she read through the descriptions and browsed through the pictures. Her hope of finding a place to call her own was diminishing by the second until she reached the end of the page for a listing that had been up for six months.

Immediately she recognized the property as it was half a mile from the stables and it was a place she’d spent some of her early childhood at with her father as her family had once been friends with the people who lived there long ago. There was only a picture of the front of the house with its wraparound porch. Regina was immediately taken back to flashes of memories of those summers her father would take her there where they’d ride the trails on the property with her father’s friend that owned the farm.

She scanned the listing for a number to call, but the only information was that it was listed privately by R. Gold. She knew exactly who that was as Robert Gold was a friend of her mother’s and a man she couldn’t stand at all. Despite how she felt about the man her mother had an affair with when Regina had only been twelve years old, she found the number to his pawnshop he owned and called using the landline phone that sat on the edge of her desk, anticipation building quickly as she stared at the listing on the screen and waited for the call to be answered.

“Hello?” A woman answered on the fifth ring.

“May I speak with Mr. Gold, please?”

“May I ask who is calling?”

“Regina Mills.”

“One moment please, I’ll see if he’s in.”

Regina leaned back in the chair and sighed as she waited. And waited. Five minutes passed before she heard a soft click and she cleared her throat as she faintly heard voices on the other end of the line.

“Hello, Regina,” Robert Gold said, his voice even and smooth. “What can I do for you, dearie?”

“Hello, Mr. Gold,” she said as she tried to keep her tone neutral. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m back in town as I am sure you may have heard by now and I--”

“Yes, of course, how are you, Regina?”

“I’m looking for a place to stay for a while,” she continued, not wanting to bother with small talk at all with the man. “I found the listing online for--”

“The old Levingston Farm, yes,” he finished for her. “You’re interested?”

“I might be. The listing isn’t quite clear and there is no price,” she said as she stared at the screen. “Is it for rent or for sale, Mr. Gold?”

“Either.”

“Is it possible for you to email me more information about this house, Mr. Gold?”

“Are you seriously in acquiring the property, dearie? I’ve been instructed not to pass on information to anyone that isn’t quite intent on putting in an offer.”

“Possibly,” she said quietly. “I would like more information before making a decision, obviously. Can you--”

“Yes,” he said as he cut her off. “I can email you the full listing or,” he said, and as he paused, Regina had to fight off the exasperated sigh that threatened to come out as he purposely strung her along. It’s just what he did. What he always did. “Or you can come by the shop and I’ll go over all the details with you if you’d prefer?”

“An email is fine, Mr. Gold.”

After a quick exchange of information, Regina ended the call and waited for the email to arrive in her inbox. Minutes passed that felt like hours, and all she could think about was how this place, this house, it could all be the start of a new beginning for her, a new beginning she so desperately needed.

Once the email appeared in her inbox, she was filled with an overwhelming sense of change taking place, piece by piece, second by second. Her hand was shaking as she clicked on the email from Robert Gold and opened the attachment for the listing she had inquired about. Her heart was racing as she clicked through the thirty pictures that were in the listing and with every one she could see herself in that house.

And she wasn’t the only one she saw, either.

She saw Emma there. Henry, too. She even saw her mother, her sister, her niece, all gathered around a big table in the dining room having dinner together. She saw them all out in the yard in the back of the house, an image that startled her as she never would’ve thought that her mother, sister, and niece would be a part of her vision of the family she once had with Emma and Henry.

But they were a part of the family now. They had been since she’d left. They had been since before she’d left and she hadn’t even seen that until she was gone.

Gods, the regrets, the guilt, it was all becoming so suffocating.

And she was starting to feel as if she was drowning.

She was shaking, her breathing short as her chest was tight, and she walked over to where she’d left her phone to charge and pulled up the last text from Emma with David Nolan’s number. A million different thoughts ran through her mind, the main one being the fact that she was seriously contemplating contacting David Nolan, her best friend’s ex-step-brother, to reach out for help.

**Hello, David. It’s Regina Mills.**

**I apologize for contacting you, but I was told that you run the AA group.**

**Is it possible for you to get back to me with more information?**

**Thank you.**

Regina was trembling as she placed her phone back down on the nightstand. Minutes ticked by impossibly slow as she paced the floor beside the bed and waited for a response. Ten minutes passed and then twenty. She was about to send another text when he finally got back to her.

**Hey! Yeah, I run the AA group nightly. What kind of information are you looking for, Regina? I’m here to help and will answer any and all questions that you have. How did you get my number?**

**Emma Swan.**

**If you’re looking for more information, we’re having an extended meeting tonight. You are more than welcome to attend. It starts at 8. HS library.**

**I’ll be there.**

**Great! See you soon!**


	28. Chapter 28

It felt like a trip down memory lane as Regina parked her mother’s car in the parking lot of Storybrooke High School and it was a trip down memory lane she hadn’t anticipated ever having to take again. She tried to remember the last time she’d been there, and it wasn’t when she had graduated but rather a year before she had left when the town held its annual community dance and fundraiser that Emma had talked her into going.

Regina sat in the car and watched a small group of people, smokers, standing by the parking lot pathway and talking amongst themselves. She recognized a few from her days as a bartender at the Rabbit Hole and some she didn’t recognize at all.

Was she really about to do this, she wondered, as she thought back to that crackpot therapist who had suggested she attend the meetings back in New York. Was she really about to walk into a place where no doubt everyone in that room would either know who she was or they would by the time the meeting was over?

She was slipping, suffocating, drowning. She _had_ to do this. She couldn’t fall again.

She refused to fall again.

Regina glanced at the clock on the dash. 7:55. Some of the people who were smoking quickly finished up and started to head inside and the others milled about, not too concerned that the meeting was due to begin in five minutes. When Regina walked by the people still lingering outside, nobody even glanced her way, and she walked up the ever-familiar path to the side entrance of the school.

Every step brought upon that feeling of déjà vu. She entered through the first set of doors and walked through the second that had been propped open. The hall was long, the office at the end, the library just to the left. It was easy to let in a flood of memories of the years she’d spent there, but none of them were as vivid as the ones after high school, of the times she’d been there with Emma.

Fundraisers, community events, and anything that needed Storybrooke High’s massive gymnasium were all held there instead of at the town hall. It was just the way it always had been and always would be. Regina stopped by the bulletin board and spotted a flyer for the town’s annual festival for the Fourth of July down at the harbor, and another flyer for a town-wide barbecue out on the football field complete with a small carnival.

“So, you got any plans for tomorrow or are you looking for a few options?” David asked as he walked up beside her. “The barbecue is always the best bet. Plenty of food, free if you bring a dish along.”

“I’m afraid I’ve got other plans,” Regina replied. “I’ve always preferred the harbor.”

“I’d forgotten,” David said with a small laugh. “If your plans fall through, you have other options. All alcohol-free events, by the way.”

“Thanks but I’m going to be with my family tomorrow.”

“Ah.” David just smiled as he looked over at her. “Well, I’m glad you’re here, Regina. We’ll start in a few minutes once everyone is inside. Why don’t you head in? There is some coffee and some treats from Granny’s in there.”

“Thank you.”

Regina walked into the library and found a few people sitting around a circle of plush chairs and a couch, pastries and cookies laid out in a spread on a big coffee table in the middle and a drink station near the library entrance. All she could hear was the ghost of a yell from the old librarian, Mrs. Mackey, yelling at anyone who dared bring snacks and drinks inside her sanctuary.

Deciding to skip the coffee, she helped herself to one of the dozen bottles of water’s that had been set out in three neat rows and took a seat in one of the chairs as a few other people entered and lingered about for a few minutes before they too found a seat. David walked in with two others, and once they’d taken a seat, David grabbed a hard chair from one of the tables and placed it down in the only open spot in the circle.

“Hello, everyone,” David said with a smile and he nodded at the three men seated on the couch together. “Welcome and welcome back, and for some that were here earlier, thank you for sticking around. We’ll have to thank Granny for contributing tonight’s snack.”

The small group all cheered and several people moved to grab a pastry or two, chatter erupting in the room momentarily until David laughed and raised his hands, motioning for them all to quiet down.

“I just have one announcement to make tonight,” he said as he had the attention of the group again after. “As of Monday, we’ll be holding our daily meetings elsewhere due to electrical work that is being done here. When we return on Thursday, we’ll have a vote as a group to decide just where that will be. Anyway,” he said and he grinned as he took a moment just to look around at the group. “I’d like to start by thanking you all for coming here tonight. You should be proud to be here, proud of yourselves, because as you all know, coming here is just one of many steps to a life of sobriety.”

A few people cheered and David smiled a little wider before he folded his hands on his lap and looked over at Regina. She sank in the plush chair she was sitting in and felt her cheeks flush as other people started looking at her too.

“We have a newcomer here tonight,” David said and Regina groaned quietly. “Would you like to say anything? You can start by introducing yourself if you’d like?”

“No thanks, I’ll pass,” Regina replied with a roll of her eyes. Upon his insistent look, she rolled her eyes again and stood up slowly. “Hello, uh, everyone. My name is Regina.”

“Hi Regina,” the group echoed.

“What brings you here today, Regina?” David asked.

“I’m an alcoholic,” she said quietly and she sat back down as she heard a few murmurs from the group.

“And why are you here?”

Regina knew this dialogue as it was similar to what she’d heard in New York at the few meetings she had attended, though those had been filled with drama right from the start and involved a rather large group and not just under a dozen people as there were now around her. She knew she didn’t have to speak, she didn’t have to answer the leader’s questions, but she took a few deep breaths and sat up straight in her chair, choosing to look at David and then the brunette woman with short hair that sat beside him.

“I’m here today to seek support on my path to sobriety,” she said and she ignored the murmurs that continued to flutter around the group. “I--I have nothing else to share at this time.”

“Great. Thank you. We welcome you, Regina, and we hope to see you as often as you feel the need to be here with us,” David replied cheerfully. He clapped his hands together and turned to the man sitting on the other side of him. “Now, we have a few celebrations tonight. I know Daryl just hit one month of sobriety today. Daryl, would you like to say a few words?”

“No,” the bald man said under his breath. He shook his head and muttered something before he offered David a toothy grin that showed a few teeth were missing. “I’m good, David. One month sober. Did a helluva lot better than the last time, huh?”

“Yeah, you certainly did. Good job, man, I’m really proud of you!” David smiled as he reached out to shake the bald-headed man’s hand. “How do you feel?”

“Sober.”

The response elicited laughter from the group. A few people got up to shake the bald-headed man’s hand to congratulate him on his milestone. Regina felt out of place as it was quite obvious that the people in the group were close to each other and that most of them had been coming to the meetings together for quite some time.

As much as she wanted to leave because the whole experience was overwhelming and suffocating in its own way, she remembered how she’d felt the last time she’d attended an AA meeting back in New York and how different her outlook had been when she left after listening to some of the stories the people had told in their struggle with their own inner demons. So she stayed, and she listened.

She sat there in silence, focused on each person who chose to share their story, and she sat there just observing for the next hour until the meeting was over. Yet despite the meeting being put to a formal close, nobody seemed to be in any rush to leave as she had expected them to be. She was the first one to leave the circle, and she went as far as to the table by the door to grab another bottle of water.

“Hey.”

Regina turned to David as she opened her water. “Hey.” She paused as he reached for a bottle and smiled at her.

“I hope it didn’t feel like I was putting you on the spot like that,” he said apologetically. “I’m happy you’re here. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come to your first meeting.”

“It’s not my first time at AA, David.”

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “Regardless, I’m happy you’re here. This is a great group of people and they are all very supportive of one another. They keep each other going. We all keep each other going.” He paused as he glanced back at a few people, waving goodbye as they left. “I get the feeling meetings aren’t really your forte. I get that, but, you need the support, and I was wondering if you would like a sponsor?”

“I--” Regina stammered. “I don’t need a sponsor.”

“Did you have one before?”

“No. I didn’t stay around long enough to have that opportunity.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate, but if you need one, let me know. We have a couple of rules for the group, however, because in a town as small as ours, it’s hard to keep things anonymous.” David paused to take a sip of his water before he continued. “One rule we have is to be accountable, stay accountable, so we have to offer anyone new a sponsor if they need one.”

“So, I _have_ to have a sponsor if I want to be a part of this group?” Regina asked, eyebrow raised, and David just nodded. “For how long and just humor me this, David, just who would be my sponsor if I choose to agree to that?”

“Me.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope.”

“Is there not anyone else?” Regina asked because the last thing she wanted or needed was for her sponsor to be none other than her best friend’s ex-step-brother. It just seemed strange to her. “Just to be clear, if I want to come here because I’m seeking support and help in conquering my addiction, I have to have a sponsor, and that sponsor will have to be you?”

“There _are_ others,” David said. “Unfortunately, there isn’t any available to take on someone else at the moment.”

“Yet, you are miraculously available.”

“The man I was sponsoring passed away last fall. I haven’t had the opportunity to sponsor someone else since,” he said, the sadness in his voice hitting hard. “There hasn’t been a new face in here for a long time, to be honest. It’s to be expected, I suppose, in a town this small.”

“Right.”

“Think about it,” David said and he reached out and gently gave Regina’s shoulder a squeeze. “You got my number. Call me anytime. I’ll answer.”

“You don’t find this odd at all?” she asked. “We were never friends, David.”

“This isn’t about whether we are friends or not, Regina, besides why would it be odd? Because you and Kathryn have been friends forever? It shouldn’t be odd at all. I’ve barely spoken to Kathryn in years. This is about you and staying sober. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Regina said and that kept David from walking away. “I know she felt that way when your mother married her father, but that was eons ago. They’re not even married anymore.”

“All the more reason for her not to speak to me,” David replied flatly. “Look, I don’t want to talk about Kathryn. I’d rather leave the past where it belongs. If you want a sponsor, Regina, you have one. I won’t pass any judgment nor will I let our own past interfere with your recovery and my role in it. Or Kathryn.”

Regina remembered one incident, _the_ incident that really drove a wedge between Kathryn and David. Kathryn refused to invite him to her and Fred’s wedding, and David’s mother brought him along anyway, claiming him as her plus one. It had set off an incredibly huge fight and David at the time had been drunk when he showed up at the church and completely loaded when he came back to the reception hours after he’d been asked to leave. By the end of the night, he was sitting in a cell at the sheriff’s station, and Kathryn was almost inconsolable and convinced he’d ruined her special day.

That incident is what made her so surprised that David was running the group and was also a sponsor. It was a far cry from the David Nolan she remembered.

“Can I ask you something personal, David?”

“Uh, sure.”

“How did you get involved in all of this?” she asked as she motioned to the few people still left in the library with them. “From what I remember, you spent your high school years sneaking out, getting drunk, living it up, party every day. Wasn’t the Toll Bridge your spot with all those buddies of yours? You’re honestly the last person I expected to not only be here today but to be running this group and now offering to be my sponsor.”

She couldn’t help but be bluntly honest. She was on edge, and though the meeting had helped her take her mind off of her own demons screaming at her from inside her head, it didn’t stop her from letting her irritation show.

“A friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver a few years ago. It was a sobering experience and one I never want to live through again. I don’t want to see anyone have to live through that.” David went quiet and waited for the last few people to leave before he continued. “The drunk driver was me. After that I vowed that it would never happen again. This is part of my sentence for killing my friend. Instead of time in prison, I’m serving my time here doing this, helping others not end up the way that I did.”

Kathryn hadn’t told Regina any of that, but then again, she knew Kathryn rarely spent any time with her family and that it had grown to be less and less over the years. She wondered if Kathryn even knew what David had done and what he had gone through. She was sure that if Kathryn knew, she would’ve said something.

“I had no idea,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry, David.”

“It’s nice to see you again, Regina,” David said with a soft and polite smile. “Call me when you decide what to do, and if you decide you really don’t think it’ll work with me as your sponsor, I can try and find someone else for you. Not sure how much luck I’ll have with that, though. Before you head out, can I ask you something?”

“Personal?”

“Not quite,” he chuckled. “How long are you in town for? Are you just visiting or--”

“Indefinitely.”

David smiled again and gave her a curt nod. “Remember, you can call me any time, Regina. Or text if you prefer.”

“Thank you, David. I’ll think about it.”

“Let me know either way?”

“Of course.”

It was rather chilly outside when Regina walked out a few minutes later and she hurried to where she’d parked her mother’s car. She’d left her phone in the middle console, and she pulled it out, not surprised to find she’d missed a few calls, but not from the person she’d hoped to have heard from the most. Emma. Deciding to listen to her messages later, she drove off and headed back to her mother’s house, and opted to take the long route home that took her past the harbor and through town.

Everyone around town was already getting ready for the holiday the next day. Most shops were closing up for the night, while others were fixing their patriotic decorations before they took closed up shop. People were rushing around, running last minute errands, and Regina ended up getting off of the main stretch through town and took yet another detour to avoid the sudden rush hour-like flood of people.

It made it feel a little too much like New York City, yet without the crushing anxiety that usually came with it.

When she got down to the harbor, she parked the car in one of the lots. She was putting off going back to her mother’s house yet again, and even though the sun had gone down and the air was crisp, she got out of the car and headed down to the boardwalk along the harbor. She was a little surprised to see so many people still out and about. She pocketed the car key and wrapped her arms around her middle as she walked down the boardwalk to the closest pier. She walked down to one of the benches near the end and sat down, sighing as she looked out over the dark water, watching the lights from the harbor front as they danced over the small waves that rolled in.

Regina had to admit that attending the meeting had dulled those voices in her head and chased away those cravings that always crept up on her when she least expected them. She felt like a weight had been lifted somewhat and it was just a little easier to breathe now knowing there was support out there for her and in more ways than one.

She thought about David’s offer to be her sponsor and tried to weigh the pros and cons as she sat on the bench and watched the lights dancing off the waves. One con was an obvious one, he was her best friend’s ex-step-brother. Strangely, it was also a bit of a pro because it meant he wasn’t a complete stranger and he did know her a little bit from their formative high school years. Another advantage was that he didn’t seem to be the type that would use his role as a sponsor and abuse that trust by trying to pursue a relationship--whether it be friendship or more. Regina might never have been friends with him, but she knew that David Nolan was a genuinely good guy and he had a lot of respect for others whether they deserved it or not.

She had tried to conquer her demons alone. She had tried therapy. She had tried AA. Having a sponsor was something she hadn’t done yet and something she was wondering if she should just give a chance as all else had and would continue to fail. That crockpot therapist she’d seen had told her that the worst people you could rely on was the people you knew and were close to. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. Regina really didn’t know, but she knew she had to make a decision on what she was going to do next.

She couldn’t fall. Not again.

She couldn’t fall when she was just starting her life over again.

And she was just so fucking tired of having to constantly deal with her demons that she wanted to give up altogether. Giving up would be easier though she’d fall further than she’d ever had before and that thought scared her. As tired as she was, she knew she’d gotten to where she was because she had tried to do it all on her own, and she couldn’t do that anymore. She needed someone to hold her up as she stumbled, she needed someone to help her up when she fell. She needed someone to help save her from herself long before she even knew she needed to be saved.

And if that was in the form of having David Nolan as her sponsor, then that is what she needed to do.

 _Don’t make that choice yet, you fool_.

_You have others. You have your sister, believe it or not. You have Emma too._

_Give them a chance. Give them a chance to help you._

Regina ran her fingers through her hair before she got up from the bench and made her way back to where she’d parked the car. Her phone was ringing before she even unlocked the door and she scrambled to grab the phone from the middle console, her hopes that it would be Emma diminished the second she saw it was her mother.

“Hello, Mother,” Regina said tightly. “Before you start, yes I am bringing the car back right now. I just--”

“Regina, dear, I’m in a bit of a pinch, and the stores are about to close for the holiday,” Cora said, her words slurring as she spoke. A clear indication that she had been drinking. Again. Or still, Regina wasn’t sure, really. “I need you to stop by the store and pick up a few things before they close if you don’t mind?”

“Fine,” she sighed defeatedly. “What do you need me to pick up?”

Cora rattled off a list of ingredients Regina immediately recognized as her mother’s infamous lasagna. Cora rattled on and on, listing more items such as several loaves of French bread and several bottles of rosé to take over to the Swan’s house for the barbecue the next day. Regina was so tired she didn’t even bother arguing with her mother nor did she bother trying to explain that she was not going to buy any alcohol when she’d just been at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting not even half an hour earlier.

There wasn’t any point in explaining it to her mother. Cora was as stubborn as stubborn came. She was also an alcoholic in denial, so it was fruitless even to attempt to tell her no and then proceed to explain why.

Regina barely made it to the store before they closed and after she’d gotten everything on the list of ingredients for the lasagna, she forgot half of what else her mother had requested, and she definitely forgot to grab those bottles of rosé on purpose too.

Unable to avoid going back home to her mother’s house, Regina loaded the bags in the car before she sent David a text, a “can you call me in twenty minutes” before she was off. Less than ten minutes later, she was unloading the bags from the trunk in the driveway, and though it was a struggle, she made it inside without having to make a second trip. She entered through the side door and headed straight for the kitchen, not surprised in the least to find her mother sitting at the table with a rather large glass of wine in front of her.

Regina made up her mind as soon as her eyes had landed on that glass of wine in front of her mother. She placed the bags down on the counter and headed up the stairs to her room. She grabbed her bag and the rest of her things, unceremoniously shoving everything into her bag before she was running down the stairs and out the front door, her mother not too far behind her, shouting her name.

“Regina! Regina, where are you going?” Cora called out. “Regina, stop it this instant and answer me! Where do you think you are going? Regina! Get back here! Regina!”

Regina walked quickly down the front walkway and out onto the sidewalk, tears burning in her eyes, her body shaking, and a scream threatening to break loose at any moment. She walked quicker as she heard her mother call out her name again and she didn’t stop until she was two blocks away and her tears started to fall.

She ended up at the bed and breakfast, but the man working the night shift there told her all the rooms had been rented out due to the holiday. She left feeling lost, dejected, and weak. Her phone started to ring and she fumbled to get it out of her pocket, sighing in relief when she saw David’s name on the screen.

“You okay, Regina?” David asked when she answered it. “Regina?”

“I can’t stay with my mother,” she whispered as she walked down the path from the inn to the street. “I--I have nowhere else to go tonight, David.”

“Where are you now?”

“I just left the inn. They don’t have any available rooms. David, I--”

“Come here,” he said simply. “I’ll let you sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“What is your alternative?” David asked and she frowned. There was no alternative, at least none she could think of beyond going back to her mother’s house where her demons came more alive than ever before. “Hey, Regina?” David said quietly when a few minutes had passed. “Whether you made a decision or not on whether you want me to be your sponsor, I want you to come and stay here just for tonight, just until you figure things out, all right? I’ll come and meet you. Stay where you are.”

And she stayed, waiting there on the sidewalk until she saw David walking towards her. The tears continued to fall as he approached her and he took her bag from her and pulled her in for a tight hug, whispering that everything would be okay before he led her to his apartment just down the street. She hoped he was right. She hoped that everything _would_ be okay. If not tonight, one day, and soon.


	29. Chapter 29

David Nolan’s loft was not what she had been expecting, but it was actually big and homey feeling, cozy in a strange and roundabout way. She hadn’t wanted to talk when they first got in and David didn’t push. Instead, he changed the sheets on his bed and said goodnight, promising her that tomorrow was a brand new day. A fresh start.

She woke up to the sun beaming in through the big windows behind the bed, to the smell of fresh coffee being brewed in the kitchen, and to over a dozen messages on her phone and a handful of texts from her sister and one from Kathryn that she couldn’t be bothered to check yet.

Regina wandered from the bedroom area and David was nowhere to be seen as she headed for the bathroom next to the kitchen. After she stepped out of the bathroom, she helped herself to a cup of freshly brewed coffee and used the vanilla flavored creamer she found in the fridge instead of the milk in a bottle that looked like it had curdled weeks ago. Regina wondered if she should text or call David, but before she could retrieve her phone from her bag sitting on the foot of the bed, David breezed in through the door carrying a takeout bag from Granny’s.

And he wasn’t alone.

“Oh hello!”

Regina recognized the short-haired woman from the meeting as she’d been sitting next to David the whole time. Regina raised an eyebrow at the woman as she hurried over to where she stood in the small kitchen.

“Hi, I don’t know if you remember me at all, but I’m Mary Margaret Blanchard,” she pixie-haired brunette said as she stuck out a hand towards Regina. Reluctantly, Regina shook her hand and sipped her coffee slowly. “We were a few years apart in school, so I get it if you don’t remember me, Regina.”

“Sorry, I don’t remember you.”

“Well, we stopped to get some breakfast,” David said as he joined them in the kitchen. “I didn’t really have much and I just so happened to run into Mary Margaret earlier and--”

“And I insisted we bring breakfast back with us. I told him that it is incredibly rude to have a guest and not have anything to eat.”

“I’m actually going to head out,” Regina said as she felt increasingly uncomfortable with that woman, that _stranger_ there. “Thank you for letting me stay last night, David.”

“You are very welcome,” he smiled. “Call me if you need me, all right?”

“Of course. Enjoy your day, both of you,” Regina replied. She quickly tried to finish her coffee before she grabbed her things. David walked her to the door and they stepped out into the stairwell. “Who is she?”

“We’re…dating,” he replied tentatively. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told her not to come back here this morning. I didn’t mean to make it awkward.”

“It’s fine, David, but I really should head out. I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

“Nonsense,” he chuckled. He almost moved in to give her a hug and stopped. “You are always welcome, Regina. If you need a place to stay tonight, you have one.”

“I’m sure I’ll figure something out, but thank you. I really do appreciate it. And you.”

“Where are you headed?” David asked. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for breakfast? We picked up plenty of food.”

Regina shook her head and frown apologetically. “Another time, David,” she said as her phone started to ring. “I--I need to take this.”

She didn’t, not really, but it got him to leave. She checked her phone to see it was her sister calling yet again. She groaned and ignored the call and headed down the stairs for the door and once she stepped outside, she realized that she had no idea where she was going to go. All she’d wanted the moment David walked in with his girlfriend was to get out of there as fast as she could. She hadn’t thought much further ahead of just leaving.

So she just started walking down the street with no destination in mind, allowing her feet to take her wherever they led. She ended up on First Street and stopped short once she realized just where she was subconsciously heading, but as her phone started to ring again and she checked to see who was calling--Zelena, again--she just continued on until she reached the Swan house.

Emma’s Bug wasn’t in the driveway, and the house looked quiet, empty, save for the sound of a lawnmower out in the backyard. Regina walked up the driveway and dropped her bag by the side door before she entered the backyard through the open gate. Henry was behind a lawnmower that looked like it’d seen better days and he had headphones on and was muttering, face red, as he struggled to push the mower through the tall grass that had overtaken the yard completely.

Despite it still being relatively early in the morning, she was quite surprised to find him out there and finally doing his chores. She supposed he didn’t have much of a choice as the family dinner/barbecue had been moved to the Swan house due to the house arrest he’d been placed under and was in full effect for the second day now.

Henry looked over at her as she shut the gate and he furrowed his brow as he removed his headphones and waved over at her before the mower chugged and then sputtered as it died. He groaned as he hit the handle with both hands in frustration. He pushed the mower away from him before he turned and walked over to where Regina was standing by the gate.

“Hey, Regina,” Henry said as he pushed his hair away from his sweaty face. “What are you doing here so early? Did Mom get you to come and check on me or something?”

“I’m not here to check on you,” she said with a small laugh. “I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop come by and say hello.”

Henry raised an eyebrow at her and laughed. “If you say so,” he said and laughed again. “Mom is at work if you came around looking for her. Don’t know when she’ll be back.”

“I didn’t know she was working today.”

“She’s the sheriff, Regina, she’s always on call, she’s always working, one way or another,” Henry said with a heavy sigh and walked back over to the dead mower. “This piece of crap doesn’t work anymore,” he muttered and gave it a kick by the back wheel. “Mom told me that I have to have it done before she got back because everyone is coming later for that stupid barbecue. How am I going to get it done if this stupid piece of crap doesn’t even work?”

“What’s the problem?” Regina asked him as she approached him and the mower. “Did you put enough gas in?”

“Yeah, it’s full.”

“Hmm,” Regina said with a frown. The mower was old and rusty, and it looked as if it hadn’t been taken care of at all. No wonder it wasn’t working properly, or at all, really. “I suppose a mower that doesn’t work isn’t going to help you finish your chores, hmm?”

“No.”

“Perhaps one of the neighbors would be willing to lend you a mower?”

Henry raised an eyebrow at her. “You want me to ask one of the neighbors if I can borrow their lawnmower?” he asked and he burst out laughing. “Yeah okay, Regina.”

“Is there a problem with asking your neighbors for help?”

Henry pointed down to the ankle bracelet and scowled. “Does it look like I can go anywhere?” he asked. “I can’t go anywhere, Regina, remember?”

“I’ll go ask for you. Do you have any other tools to use back here?”

“Whatever is in the shed. Probably doesn’t work either.”

“If you did your chores regularly, Henry, I don’t think--”

“Why do you think I stopped doing it in the first place?” He countered and he put his earphones back on his ears. “Do what you want, Regina. I’m gonna see if I can get this piece of crap to work. Running out of time here and the last thing I need is for Mom to be pissed at me for something else now.”

The neighbors on either side of the house weren’t helpful at all, the one to the left didn’t even answer the door and looked as if they were gone for the day or even the week and the one on the right opened the door and all but slammed it in Regina’s face before she could utter a word.

It was hard not to be bothered by the neighbor’s rude reception and by Henry’s attitude, but she didn’t let it deter her as she walked across the street and knocked on the door. She smiled as the door opened but not to the old familiar face she expected to see. Instead, a man she didn’t recognize opened the door and a feeling of having just woken the beast washed over her as she smiled apologetically at the grumpy face glaring at her.

“I’m sorry to bother you, sir, but I’m a friend of Sheriff Swan.”

“Don’t care. Get out of here.”

“Sir, is there any chance you might have--”

“You deaf, lady? Get out of here! Do you have any idea how early it is?”

“It’s after ten,” Regina said tightly. “Never mind. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Regina walked back down to the street and inhaled deeply. These weren’t the neighbors she remembered having when she’d lived there. There had been different people living next door and across the street, nice people, friendly people. It was a far cry from the type of people she’d known all her life, and it was a disappointment, to say the least.

Even though it wasn’t her responsibility to make sure that Henry did as he was told when it came to doing his chores, she still felt as if she had to help him out of his current dilemma somehow. She knew her mother most definitely didn’t have a lawnmower as her parents had always hired a landscape company to come in and look after the yard work for as long as she could remember. The only other person she could think of at the top of her head was David, but he lived in a loft and didn’t even have a yard.

Regina walked back to the Swan’s house and stopped at the end of the driveway before she pulled out her phone. Since it was a holiday, it wasn’t as if she could make a quick trip to the hardware store and just buy a new mower for Henry to use. And since she didn’t know of anyone else to call, she called David, nearly ending the call in a moment of hesitation.

“Hello?”

“David, it’s me. Regina,” she said quietly. “I uh, I--”

“Is everything okay?” David asked, his voice worried. “Regina, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she sighed. “I have an odd question to ask you actually. Do you happen to know anything about lawnmowers?”

“Lawnmowers?” David laughed. “A little, yes. Why do you ask?”

[X]

The damn broken lawnmower was the only reason David was still there when Emma got home just after noon. It was also the only reason why David’s girlfriend was there as well and helping Regina prepare a big bowl of salad in the kitchen when Emma walked in after checking the backyard to make sure Henry had finished up his chores.

At least Emma’s offer for the two of them to stay was politely declined as David was running the barbecue at the high school that was due to start in less than an hour. Of course his doting, doe-eyed girlfriend would be there to help him. Regina wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to stand the droning of pointless conversation with David’s boring and vanilla girlfriend and was more than relieved when they left.

“So,” Emma said as she placed her keys on the kitchen counter. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I was invited.”

“I know that, but, it’s early,” Emma laughed. “Did you come here to check in on Henry?”

“No,” she sighed as she walked over to the sink and ran the water to fill it to wash up the knives she and Mary Margaret had used to prep the salad. “I wasn’t here to check in on him. I just happened to be in the neighborhood.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you did, or we’d be having this whole dinner fiasco in the driveway. I’m sure you’re mother would’ve loved that, huh? But uh, thanks for calling in David to fix the mower. Forgot it stopped working a few weeks back.”

Regina smiled and turned her attention to the sink, and she quickly washed the dishes and knives that she’d used. Emma was right at her side, armed with a dishtowel, and she dried and put them away, both of them working in silence even though they just couldn’t seem to keep their eyes off of one another.

And Regina couldn’t stop thinking about how much she just wanted to kiss Emma. To grab her and pull her in close, to kiss her until her lungs were about to burst, to touch every inch of her, to--

“Weren’t you wearing that yesterday?” Emma asked, breaking Regina from her thoughts as she handed the dishtowel to her. Upon Regina’s perplexed look, she laughed awkwardly. “Not that it matters, really, but uh, where did you stay last night?”

“David’s place,” she answered quietly as she dried off her hands. “I couldn’t stay at my mother’s house. She was drunk.”

“I know. I talked to Zee earlier. Did you try the inn?” Emma asked and she laughed again, just as awkwardly as before. “Of course it’s probably full, huh? You uh, you could’ve called me.”

“I didn’t want to impose.”

“You’re not imposing if you need a place to stay, Regina.”

The tension was beginning to build up between them and it was making Regina feel like she wanted to run. Like she _should_ be running. She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready for Emma. For the small talk. For those little moments that felt all too domesticized.

“I don’t need a place to stay,” she said with a bit of a bite to her voice. “I just needed to get away from that house, from--”

“I know,” Emma said quietly and Regina froze as Emma took a step towards her. “Look, I can’t even begin to understand how hard it is for you and I won’t even try, okay? But I just want you to know you have a place to stay that is safe and not anywhere near your mother and…and you have me to talk to if you need to, Regina.”

Maybe it was the way Emma had said it or the words she’d said, but it had caused Regina to break completely. Two steps were all she needed to take before she fell into Emma’s arms. She was fighting back the tears as she held on to Emma’s arms that had instantly wrapped around her.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Emma’s arms tightened around her and Regina tried to push her back, to push her away. Each attempt was useless. Each push became weaker as Regina lost the fight against her tears.

“I don’t deserve you,” she repeated. “I don’t deserve your kindness, Emma. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, your patience, and I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t deserve me?” Emma whispered. A hand came up to gently cup Regina’s face and Emma stared into her eyes as she used her thumb to wipe away her tears. “Regina, I don’t believe that. I don’t think it’s true. I thought we were friends.”

“You thought we were friends?” Regina repeated. She blinked through her tears and tried not to laugh because it was so hard for her to believe. “We were supposed to be on a date today. What a ridiculous notion, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Emma smiled and she leaned in to place a soft kiss to Regina’s forehead that left her trembling and waiting for more. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Ridiculous.” Emma leaned back and smiled as she laughed lightly. “We can start over if you’d like? No pressure. No expectations.”

It was the way Emma looked at her, the way she kept saying all the right things, using the right words, words that just hit Regina hard and deep. Regina couldn’t hold back any longer, she couldn’t fight the way she felt about Emma anymore, she didn’t want to. Succumbing to her needs, to her wants, even to her fears, she grabbed the front of Emma’s t-shirt and pulled her in impossibly close, their lips crashing together wantonly in a desperate kiss.

The kiss was all tongue and teeth, and when Regina tried to push Emma up against the counter, Emma calmly placed her hands on her hips and stopped her, not stopping the kiss, but stopping it from advancing further. She could feel Emma smile in the seconds before Emma finally did part from their kiss and she breathed out heavily, her breath shuddering, her body aching for more.

Regina whimpered and had she been more composed, she would’ve been embarrassed, but she needed Emma so very badly, and in her moment of weakness, Emma was the only thing anchoring her to reality.

And Emma had given herself to her and no words needed to be said, nothing further at least, because Regina could see the want, the need in Emma’s eyes. She balled a fist into Emma’s hair, pulling her in frantically for another kiss. This time she could feel the desperation in Emma as Emma kissed her deeply, her fingers digging hard into her hips, her body arching and writhing as she backed Regina up against the edge of the counter.

A moan shuddered past Regina’s lips as Emma none too subtly slipped a thigh between her legs, and she couldn’t hold back, her arousal taking over her completely. Another moan escaped as Emma’s grip on her hips became a little tighter, and she rolled her hips, a feat in itself as she was trapped between Emma and the edge of the counter that was digging hard against her lower back.

Emma cursed as she pulled back from Regina’s lips and moved her hands to grip the edge of the counter, her thigh still firmly planted between Regina’s legs, and she moaned as Regina tightened her grip in her hair, wanting and needing more, not ready for that kiss to be over again so quickly. Emma looked deep into her eyes, her eyes searching for something--just what, Regina wasn’t sure, but it left her trembling for more.

“Emma,” she whimpered as Emma lifted her thigh and Regina couldn’t stop herself from grinding down against it, feeling desperate and needy and craving more.

“Should we stop?” Emma whispered. “Do you want to stop?”

“Do you?”

The moan that slipped past Emma’s lips told her all she needed to hear. Emma didn’t want to stop and neither did she. A part of her knew they should, or at least slow right down, but it was drowned out by her raging libido as she continued to slowly roll her hips as Emma pressed her thigh up against her cunt a little harder. Regina could feel her panties growing wet and slick and gods, she just couldn’t hold back. She didn’t want to any longer.

Emma wrapped her arms around Regina and held her close as she backed away from the counter. Their noses bumped as they both breathed out heavily and they were kissing again, just as desperately as before as they blindly approached the door that led into the living room. They barely made it a handful of steps before Emma pushed her up against the wall and slipped her thigh between her legs once more.

More, more, _more_ , was all she could think of as she focused solely on the feel of Emma’s body pressed into hers and the delicious way Emma continued to thrust her thigh hard up against her core.

Not even ten years had dulled the thirst she had when it came to Emma Swan and apparently it hadn’t changed anything for Emma either.

Emma gasped and moaned as Regina grabbed onto her firm backside and squeezed as she pulled Emma’s hips hard against hers. Every movement was frantic and more desperate than the last and Emma was grasping at her hips as she pulled back from their kiss and let out a shuddery sigh as she stilled her body completely. She knew Emma was fighting with herself over whether to stop or to continue. She didn’t need Emma to voice it to know.

“Emma,” she murmured, her hands still firmly gripping Emma’s ass and Emma’s fingers dug a little harder into her hips. “Perhaps you were right before. Maybe we should slow down. Maybe we should stop.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…” Regina trailed off as Emma was the first to let go. Reluctantly Regina did too and watched as Emma took just a single step back and balled her fists as they hung at her sides. “I really do want to,” she murmured. “But we--”

“Shouldn’t,” Emma finished for her. “I know. Fuck, I’m sorry, Regina.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I feel like I am taking advantage of you while you’re feeling vulnerable and I--”

“If I didn’t want you to, I wouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Right,” Emma chuckled uneasily. “Fuck. It’s just too easy to be with you, Regina. It’s just too easy to pretend like the last ten years never happened. I just want--I--fuck, I just want _you_.”

“One day at a time.”

“One date at a time, huh?”

“Yes, that too.”

“Right,” Emma said and she groaned quietly. “This is going to be torture, Regina.”

“Torture?”

“Yeah, you know,” Emma drawled out and she closed the distance between them once more and placed her hands gently on Regina’s hips. “Torture because all I can think about right now is taking you to my bed and having my way with you. Finish off where we left off the other morning. But…we shouldn’t. We gotta slow down, Gina. We can’t just rush back into this even though I want to. Fuck, do I ever want to.”

“Me too.”

The smile that danced over Emma’s lips melted her completely and gods, she really did want to give in and have her way with Emma and let Emma have her way too. But Emma was right about one thing, she was in a vulnerable state, and she wasn’t in no way in the right mindset to embark down that road with her just yet.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Emma whispered. “About the other night.” Emma leaned in and placed a small kiss on Regina’s kiss-swollen lips. “All I want to do is to keep kissing you. All I want to do is forget about everything and just be with you.”

“But we can’t.”

Emma frowned. “No, we can’t. Not yet,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing and pulling here. That’s not what I’m doing.”

“What are you doing then?”

“Trying to do the right thing.”

Regina understood. Regina didn’t question her further, respecting the fact that Emma truly was trying to do what she thought was right for them at that very moment. It didn’t stop her from still wanting to kiss her, at least just once more before the moment between them was lost for good.

What did stop her from closing the short distance between them once more was the sound of the back door opening and then slamming shut a second later. It was that loud bang that put a halt to the moment between them and tension quickly started to build up again. Regina tried to compose herself as she pushed off the wall and wiped at the tears that were drying on her cheeks while Emma subtly wiped at her kiss-swollen lips just as Henry walked out of the kitchen and stopped short.

“Mom, hey!” Henry laughed in surprise. “Before you ask, yes the backyard is done now. Just gonna need a hand bringing up the chairs from the basement.”

“Good,” Emma said with a small sigh. “Go shower, kid. I’ll get the chairs.”

“I showered earlier,” he whined. “I was just gonna change my shirt.”

“You stink. Go shower.”

Henry grimaced as he gave himself a sniff and frowned. “When is everyone supposed to show up anyway?” he asked as he took his headphones off from around his neck. “Soon, right?”

“Within the hour, yeah,” Emma replied. “Go, get a move on, Henry.”

“Whatever. Anything else you need me to do before everyone gets here?”

“No,” Emma said with a shake of her head and she poked Henry in the shoulder. “Go, kid. Clock is ticking.”

“You guys are being weird,” Henry stated as he started to make his way to his bedroom door. “Why are you guys being weird again?”

“We’re not being weird.”

“Mom,” Henry said pointedly. “I saw you guys making out in the kitchen a few minutes ago. Thought it was safe to come in when I didn’t see you in there anymore.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, kid.”

“You’re seriously going to stand there and deny it? Again?” Henry rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I never saw you two kiss before.” He paused as Emma and Regina exchanged a quick look and he laughed. “Sorry if I, you know, interrupted anything. Didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t interrupt anything, kid, now go and--”

“I’m going!” Henry laughed as he raised his hands. “Seriously, Mom. It’s not a big deal. If you guys want to, you know, do whatever, I’ll leave you alone. All you gotta do is say so, okay? It’s cool with me if you guys wanna, uh, do whatever it is you wanna do.”

“Henry--”

“Mom,” he echoed and he laughed as he placed a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “No use in denying it, Mom. I saw what I saw. It’s cool, okay? I just don’t want you guys acting all weird or anything around me just because I saw you two kissing.”

He’d seen a lot more than that, but nobody needed to say a word to bring up that humiliating moment from the other morning. Regina felt her cheeks grow hot just remembering that morning and Emma laughed awkwardly as she shoved her hands into the front pockets of her tight jeans.

“I should go get changed,” Emma said as she nodded towards the bedroom door. “Are you going to change, too?” she asked Regina. “You’re really not dressed for a barbecue.”

“I’m not, am I?” Regina sighed. “I suppose I might’ve packed something I can change into that is more suitable for a family barbecue.”

“It’s supposed to get hotter,” Emma murmured. “If you don’t have any shorts, I--”

“God, you guys are so _weird_ ,” Henry groaned as he walked off to his bedroom. “I seriously don’t remember you guys ever being so weird around each other before. You guys really, truly need to get your shit together.”

“Henry!”

“Mom!” Henry echoed back in the same tone. “I’m serious.”

“So am I! Go and get in the shower now, kid, before I take you out into the yard and hose you down instead.” Emma just pointed at him until he walked from his bedroom door to the bathroom and all but slammed the door shut behind him. “Teenagers,” Emma muttered under her breath before letting out a long sigh. “So, uh, do you need to borrow anything? I think I might even have some of your old clothes, you know whatever you didn’t take? I didn’t want to just get rid of them.”

“I doubt they still would fit after a decade, Emma. You go and get changed, and I’ll check to see what I have in my bag and find something suitable though there is nothing wrong with what I have on now.”

“You wore that outfit yesterday,” Emma replied and she let her eyes linger over Regina’s body, her intent very clear of what her mind was focused on. “Not that you don’t look great or anything, you always do, but--”

“I also need to have a shower,” she said quietly. “I should just head back to my mother’s house and come back with them later.”

“Right, uh, you could wait and shower after Henry is out?” Emma offered and Regina shook her head no. “Okay well, I’ll uh, see you later?”

“Yes, in about an hour or so.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Regina echoed. It took every ounce of willpower she had in her not to pull Emma in and kiss her once again. Yet as soon as Emma walked her to the front door, it was Emma pulling her in for another desperate kiss. “Emma--”

“Sorry,” she murmured. “I just--I can’t help myself. It’s _you_ , Regina.”

Every step Regina took after she left the house made this undeniable weight on her chest grow heavier. It was a feeling she couldn’t quite shake. It was a feeling she knew wouldn’t be there had she just given in to Emma completely.

 _Slow_ , she reminded herself over and over again because slow was best. Slow was what they needed as rushing it would be so much worse.

Slow was going to be the absolute death of her…


	30. Chapter 30

It had gotten very hot by the time Regina had gone back to the Swan’s house almost an hour and a half after she’d left. Her mother, Zelena, and Robyn had left shortly after she got to the house and she was left to walk there as her mother hadn’t left her the key to borrow the car again.

Of course Regina didn’t have anything deemed suitable to wear to a Fourth of July barbecue. When she’d packed up in the middle of the night days ago, she hadn’t anticipated staying longer than a weekend, and she definitely hadn’t planned on still being there for the national holiday, either. That meant she most definitely didn’t have anything packed that was suitable for the family barbecue and an afternoon out in the hot summer sun.

In the end, before she wasted any more time away from the whole family barbecue--and before her sister sent any more annoying texts asking where she was and why she was taking so long--Regina ended up borrowing some clothes from her niece. They were close enough in size that she could get away with pulling off the borrowed clothes even if they were a little too tight and a bit too revealing.

Which is exactly how she ended up showing up at the barbecue in tight jean shorts and a Bowie tank top she was pretty sure had once been a t-shirt before the sleeves were cut off. It was a far cry from anything she currently had in her wardrobe and surprisingly she felt more comfortable in those borrowed clothes than her own.

“Regina, what the hell are you wearing?” Cora was the first to notice her when she walked into the backyard. Everyone else turned their attention immediately to her. “Do you honestly believe that is appropriate, dear?”

“It’s summer, Mother, I’m dressed appropriately for the weather,” Regina replied as she walked past the chair her mother was sitting and headed for the cooler that sat near the back door. “Hey,” she said to Emma and bit her bottom lip as Emma pulled her sunglasses down and let her wide eyes roam up and down her body. “What? Is it too much?”

“Not at all. You look hot!”

“I hope you don’t mind that I raided your closet, Robyn,” Regina said as her niece joined them. “I didn’t have anything to wear.”

“It’s fine, Auntie Regina. Em is right. You do look hot!” Robyn laughed. She stepped forward and lowered her voice as she frowned and said, “Grandma is already drunk. Ma tried to stop her from drinking earlier and failed. I’m pretty sure she snuck a bottle over here too even though we told her no booze today.”

“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered. “I did try to talk to her when they got here.”

“It’s fine,” Regina said to them both. “I can handle it--her,” she sighed. “Just…let her do whatever the hell she wants to do, and I’ll do my best to keep my distance.”

“Don’t worry about her,” Robyn said quietly. “Ma promised she’d keep her in check.”

“Good luck to her,” Regina replied with a roll of her eyes. “It is going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

“Unfortunately,” Robyn responded with a frown. “But there is plenty of food inside, and August is gonna be coming around later to barbecue the burgers.”

“Your deputy is coming here?” Regina asked Emma. “Why?”

“He’s family. Practically,” Emma shrugged. “Plus he’s like a grill master, and well, he’s not the only one coming by later.”

“Your other deputy is coming too?”

“God no,” Emma laughed. “Just some friends.”

“I see. I thought this was just a family thing?”

“It is,” she said as she pushed her sunglasses back up with a smile. “Zee made some fresh lemonade a few minutes ago. It’s inside if you want a drink. I was just heading inside to get a drink actually. Do you want to--?”

“Yes,” Regina replied immediately before Emma could even finish and she ignored the way her niece just gave them an odd look before she followed Emma inside. It gave her a moment just to appreciate Emma in her very tiny pair of shorts and her eyes roamed over the long expanse of her toned and tanned legs. “However do you find time to get out in the sun?”

“Huh?” Emma pulled her sunglasses off and stopped short causing Regina to nearly walk right into her. “Sorry,” she chuckled. “Tanning beds. The salon has one now. Ruby works there part-time, so she gives me a discount.”

“You know those things are far more hazardous than the sun, don’t you?”

“No tan lines,” Emma replied with a wink. “You want some lemonade or something else? We got Coke, water--”

Regina’s head felt light as she pulled Emma in suddenly for a kiss, one that surprised them both. She felt dizzy though the kiss was soft and slow at first and Emma stood stock still for a few lingering moments before she finally placed her hands on Regina’s hips and kissed her harder and deeper. A moan reverberated past Regina’s lips, one she wasn’t sure if it came from her or from Emma, but she was just too consumed in the kiss to care, to even think straight.

For once Regina didn’t care or worry that her family was nearby and could walk in on them at any given moment. She used to. Moments like this had been far and few in between and it left her wishing she hadn’t wasted so many years hiding away, scared and ashamed. Things would’ve been different had it not been that way. She knew that now.

Emma tasted like vanilla and strawberries, a combination that made Regina growl in hunger and it wasn’t the hunger that came from starvation. It made her crave more. She was teeming with undeniable want and so much need that she momentarily forgot that they needed to slow things right down. She just couldn’t and didn’t want to stop kissing Emma Swan.

She was addicted.

Emma was her aphrodisiac.

Her drug.

She could go a thousand years without a drop of alcohol if she could just kiss Emma every day just like that. Kissing Emma Swan could keep her from falling as it would sate those cravings she’d been fighting off until the moment their lips had touched.

“Regina,” Emma gasped, her fingers digging hard into her hips as she gently pushed Regina away. She looked conflicted as her eyes searched Regina’s desperately. “Fuck. I--I--I think we need to stop.”

Regina felt a shudder course its way through Emma’s body and she groaned as she gripped tight onto Emma’s shoulders. She tried to fight the pull she felt as her eyes landed on Emma’s lips and she failed as she pulled Emma back in for another kiss.

Their bodies crashed together in an overwhelming surge of wanton desire, and it was all Regina needed to know that Emma most definitely didn’t want to stop and that she too was falling and succumbing to her needy desire completely.

A moan escaped as Emma’s fingers dipped beneath the hem of Regina’s shirt and skimmed along the skin of her lower back teasingly. Her hips rolled hard against Emma’s as she moaned again, begging for more, needing _more_ of her touch. Craving it so desperately that she was shaking in need.

She sank her teeth into Emma’s bottom lip as she was pushed up against the edge of the counter. Another moan, this one from Emma, and Regina was grasping at her shoulders before she moved a hand to bury itself into Emma’s soft hair at the nape of her neck. Her nails scratched along Emma’s skin, gripping tight as she deepened the kiss and arched into Emma as Emma’s hands moved from her back and along her stomach, her short nails teasingly scraping along Regina’s skin and making her ache for _more_.

Emma’s hands skimmed up the front of her stomach under her shirt, stopping short just below the edge of her bra before she pulled back suddenly and the move left Regina breathless. The sudden move elicited a whimper past Regina’s lips as she stared at Emma with hungry eyes and struggled against the losing fight with her libido. Emma didn’t remove her hands completely, and she sighed, almost whimpered too, as she moved her hands back to Regina’s hips and dug her short nails into her skin.

“Regina,” she whispered. “You’re going to kill me.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

Emma laughed in disbelief. “Slow, remember?” she said with a groan. “This is like the opposite of slow, don’t you think?”

“We’re just kissing.”

“It’s never just a kiss with us,” Emma whispered. “You know that as well as I do, babe.”

Regina shuddered at the little nickname she usually hated hearing. Yet when it came from Emma, it elicited and stirred something deep inside of her, something she knew she most definitely couldn’t fight any longer. She wouldn’t. She _refused_. Ten years without Emma Swan was making that wanton need rear its head, and she was falling, falling, falling into the abyss and doing so willingly.

“Besides,” Emma continued but she made no move to step away or to take her hands off of Regina. “Everyone is just right outside. Anyone could uh, walk in on us.”

“Let them.” Regina stared straight into Emma’s eyes. “I don’t care.”

Emma laughed and shook her head. “Really?” she asked. “Wow.”

“What?”

“Are you even the same Regina I used to know?”

“No.”

“Not by a longshot, huh?” Emma grinned and her eyes glazed over as she glanced down at the small space between their bodies and groaned. “Fuck, do you think anyone will notice if we were to disappear for a little while?”

“Probably. Do you care?”

“No.”

Regina licked her bottom lip slowly, watching Emma as she watched her, and she smoothed her hands down Emma’s back until she reached the hem of her t-shirt and deftly slipped her hands underneath. Emma closed her eyes, exhaling sharply as Regina trailed her hands along the smooth expanse of her lower back and Emma was the one who surged forward first and captured her lips with burning, wanton desire.

She groaned as Emma pushed her a little too hard up against the counter and it dug hard into her lower back, but she didn’t care, too consumed and swept up in the moment with her libido the one calling the shots.

Regina gripped tight onto Emma, her hands balling Emma’s shirt in tight fists as they continued to kiss deeply. A moan reverberated through her body as she felt Emma’s hand slip down her hip, down past the soft material of her jean shorts, and another moan thundered through her as Emma’s fingertips danced along the bare skin of her thigh and deftly dipped beneath the hem of her shorts. Emma’s touch was soft but sure. She could feel Emma grin into the kiss as she slipped her fingers under the hem of her shorts and as far as she could reach under the restriction of the tight material.

Her core was throbbing and she whimpered as she lifted her leg and wrapped it around Emma’s hip. She groaned as Emma struggled to slip her hand higher beneath her shorts, tried and failed and it was Emma who groaned as she scratched her short nails along the back of Regina’s thigh as she slowly removed her hand from beneath the leg of her shorts. Regina pulled back from Emma’s delectable lips and gasped as Emma did not hesitate to slip her hand between their bodies and rubbed her throbbing cunt through her shorts.

Momentarily she had forgotten they were in the kitchen and that her family was just outside in the backyard. All she could think about was how turned on she was, how _aroused_ she was, and how all she wanted to do was take Emma to bed and have her naughty way with her. Over and over again.

Regina was trembling as she gripped onto Emma’s shirt a little tighter and leaned back, biting back the pained whimper that threatened to escape as the edge of the counter dug a little harder into her lower back. She managed to ease her hands out of the tight fists, and she let go of Emma’s shirt as she moved her hands to grip at the back of Emma’s neck, holding her right where she was as she rolled her hips down hard against the hand that firmly settled between her legs.

“Em- _ma_ ,” she cried out softly, her voice sounding so desperate and needy. “Gods, Emma. I--”

Emma shushed her before she kissed her again, her lips soft and lingering as she pressed her fingers hard against the seam causing a little bit of friction against her throbbing clit. Regina was lost in a haze of arousal that she barely registered the fact that Emma had moved her other hand to unbutton her shorts and as soon as she heard the zipper being eased down, she grabbed onto both of Emma’s wrists.

“We can’t,” she whispered, her voice trembling as she let go of Emma’s wrists and quickly buttoned her shorts back up. “Emma, we shouldn’t do this. Not now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Emma--”

“I’m sorry,” Emma repeated. “I got a little carried away. You’re right. We can’t and shouldn’t.” A deep frown settled on her face, but she didn’t move away. “God, Regina, do you have any idea how fucking impossible it is for me not to touch you when that’s all I want to do?” Emma groaned as she bit her bottom lip and stared into Regina’s eyes.

“And I you,” Regina whimpered. She closed her eyes as she tried to focus on taking deep breaths in a half-assed attempt to quiet her raging libido. “I think you are right. It is never _just_ a kiss when it comes to you and I, is it?”

“If there was ever a moment I’ll admit that I hate being right, it’s right now.”

Regina laughed, she couldn’t help it, not with the way Emma was pouting like a petulant child who wasn’t getting her way. Some things never truly changed and just as she always did in the past whenever Emma’s pout slipped out, she leaned forward and kissed it away. The first kiss was light and a laugh escaped past her lips as she leaned back in to kiss Emma again and again, each time her lips touched Emma’s the pout slowly started to disappear, turning into a smile and then a smirk.

Her heart was racing and her chest felt tight. It was just too easy to fall back into a place with Emma she knew no longer existed. It was just too easy to want it to go back to the way it used to be, and if she let it happen without questioning anything, they would fall back into that place just like that. And it wasn’t right. It wasn’t healthy. It definitely wasn’t slow, either.

“Some date this is turning out to be, huh?” Emma muttered under her breath. “Is there any way I can take back the last few minutes? That was a boneheaded move trying to take things further. I got a little carried away. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I do,” Emma said softly and she lifted her hands to cup Regina’s face gently. “You said you don’t deserve me?” Emma looked away as tears welled up in her eyes suddenly. “I don’t deserve you, Regina.”

“Now _that_ is a boneheaded thing to say.”

Regina blinked past her own tears and closed her eyes, her lips trembling but her body was trembling just that little bit more. She breathed out shakily as Emma’s thumbs wiped away each tear as they fell one by one. Her heart skipped a beat or two when Emma kissed her ever so softly, not once, not twice, but three times before she pulled back. As Regina opened her eyes, she saw Emma smiling with tears streaming freely and it made her heart swell and her knees weak.

“Do you want a drink?” Emma asked. “We got--”

“I just want you,” she replied boldly. “I don’t want something to drink. I just want--”

“Me,” Emma said, her breath hot on Regina’s lips, lingering just a hairsbreadth away.

“Yes. You.”

“But?

Regina trembled as she placed her hands on Emma’s hips, groaning as Emma leaned into her just that little more, her body responding on its own accord. “But,” she said as she subtly pushed Emma’s hips away from her. “We can’t.”

“You’re right,” Emma said, her frown settling in deep as she dropped her hands from Regina’s face suddenly. “We can’t.” She groaned as she bit her bottom lip and made no move to step away from Regina, to put some space between them. “I want to. God, Regina, I’ve spent so many years just thinking about you, thinking about us, thinking--no, fantasizing about what it’d be like to be with you again and let me tell you, the real thing is a thousand times better than those fantasizes in my head. But you’re right. We can’t.”

“It is only because--”

“We need to take this slow,” Emma continued with a small shake of her head. “As much as it’s probably going to kill me to take things slow with you, with us, I know we have to do this the right way.”

Regina couldn’t help but laugh. “I was trying to say that we can’t because everyone is just outside,” she said and the confusion on Emma’s face made her laugh again.

“Huh?” Emma blinked in confusion. “Oh,” she laughed nervously. “Right. But I thought you didn’t care if--”

“I said I don’t care if anyone notices that we disappear for a while. I am, however, not a fan of being caught red-handed. It has happened once already, and I’m not willing to go through that embarrassment again anytime soon.”

“Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Regina asked and Emma groaned as her cheeks flushed pink. “It isn’t your fault that we were rudely interrupted the other day.”

“It is my fault, kind of,” Emma whispered. “I forgot to lock the bedroom door.”

 _You idiot_ , Regina thought as she stared at Emma and she couldn’t hold back her laughter at the dumbfounded and apologetic look on Emma’s face. She wanted to kiss her again, but she didn’t as she pulled Emma in for a hug instead. Emma’s arms were instantly wrapped around her tightly, and Regina trembled as she buried her face into the side of Emma’s neck and inhaled deeply.

She could feel Emma’s heart that was racing just as hard and just as quick as her own. She trembled again as Emma’s hands went from the middle of her back to her waist, her fingers dipping just under the waistband of her shorts teasingly. She clung to Emma, too afraid to let go, too afraid to even lift her face away from the soft and warm confines of Emma’s neck because she knew if she did, being caught kissing in the kitchen was going to be the very least of their worries.

The world seemed to come crashing back down though so suddenly as the sound of laughter trailed in through the open window from the backyard. Regina sighed as she let go of Emma and watched as Emma stepped back a couple of steps and shakily lifted her hands to run them through her hair.

Regina was still feeling that rush coursing through her body, the adrenaline mixing with her arousal and making it so much harder just to let things stop where they were between her and Emma. She truly was Regina’s drug of choice, especially now when she couldn’t turn to the other drug of choice--alcohol--to numb the pain of the very real reality that she was stuck living in. Emma was safer than falling again, but the push and pull was confusing, and it left her feeling on edge--an edge she didn’t want to be on at all with her family just outside and likely wondering where they were by now.

“Well, we should probably, you know,” Emma stuttered as she motioned to the door and Regina nodded wordlessly. “Uh, if you want a drink--”

“I know where everything is,” Regina finished for her. “We’ll pick this up later?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah, absolutely,” she said, and yet neither of them made a move, Emma in leaving and Regina in getting something cold to drink. “Regina?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t--I can’t--fuck,” Emma groaned and she shook her head as she closed the short distance between them and pushed Regina back up against the edge of the counter. “Is it bad that all I want to do is to keep kissing you right now?”

“Not at all.”

“Jesus, Regina, you’re like a drug I can’t quite get enough of.”

Regina tilted her head to the side curiously. “Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

She lifted her hands and slipped them over Emma’s shoulders as she pulled her in just a little bit closer, not quite close enough to kiss her just yet. “Then I suppose you must get your fix, hmm?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you waiting for then, Sheriff Swan?”

Emma groaned. “God, when you say my name like that…” she trailed off and she dipped her head down to capture Regina’s lips in another deep, passionate kiss. “Just a kiss,” she murmured as she rolled her hips hard against Regina’s and elicited a rather loud and throaty moan past her lips. “Just. A. Kiss.”

Only it wasn’t just a kiss. It never was _just_ a kiss. They kissed with feverish desire and longing, in desperation and need.

And just like that, they were back to where they’d been before, hands all over one another, tongues swirling and dancing together, a moan here, a gasp there. Neither seemed to be able to get enough though they were both holding back, Regina more than Emma as Emma’s fingers were slipping further beneath the waistband of her shorts, her intentions as clear as ever.

Regina quickly gained the upper hand, spinning Emma around and backing her up against the edge of the counter. The move caused Emma to groan and her hands to slip a little further inside her shorts. Her fingertips grazed the top of her panties and they both groaned as Regina slipped a thigh between Emma’s legs swiftly. The teasing way Emma’s fingers were grazing along her backside was driving her insane with want and need. She felt drunk on Emma as they continued to kiss thoroughly and hungrily.

The laughter coming in from outside seemed to grow louder as the seconds passed, but neither could stop, neither could pull apart. They didn’t _want_ to just as it felt like it was impossible to stop. Yet it was the sound of the back door opening that caused them both to jolt apart suddenly, Emma wiping at her lips and Regina smoothing her hands over the front of her shirt in an attempt to compose herself.

“Oh, there you two are!” Cora laughed as she stepped inside and the grin on her face was enough for Regina to cringe in embarrassment. “Emma, dear,  your friends just arrived. Don’t you think that you should go play the good hostess instead of hiding away in here with Regina, hmm? Good girl.”

Regina frowned as Emma was quick to rush outside leaving her there alone in the kitchen with her mother, who looked a little drunker than she’d been when Regina had first arrived not that long ago.

“Is there something you needed, Mother?” _Or were you just hoping to catch us together in here?_ “Would you like some lemonade? I was just about to get myself a glass.”

“I can manage,” Cora replied with a sneer. She took a handful of steps, each one showing just how unstable she was on her feet--how _drunk_ she was. “So, Regina,” she drawled as she continued to walk unsteadily towards her, “are you and Emma back together?”

Regina clenched her jaw as she grabbed a plastic cup from the stack on the counter. She started to count to ten as she placed the cup on the counter and turned her attention to the refrigerator. She got to five before she pulled the jug of lemonade out and she barely reached ten when she poured herself a glass. She started to count again, ignoring her mother as she returned the jug to the middle shelf in the refrigerator and barely made it to the count of three before she could smell the strong alcohol on her mother’s breath.

“Are you seriously drunk already, Mother?” Regina asked, her voice tight. Cora blinked and then offered a too-innocent smile. “You’re still drinking, too, aren’t you?”

“What I do and what I drink is none of your business or concern, dear.”

“It is my business,” Regina replied. “It is my concern, especially seeing as how I am struggling to stay sober and you’re parading around, drunk out of your goddamn mind and--”

“Are you quite finished?” Cora sneered. “Now, answer my question, dear. Are you and Emma back together?”

“Even if we are, it isn’t--”

“You’re not planning on leaving once this whole mess with Henry is cleared up, are you?” Cora continued as if she hadn’t heard a word Regina said when she interrupted her. “I will not let you hurt her again, Regina.”

“I am not going to--”

“Are you staying or are you leaving, dear? It is a simple question, hmm?”

“I’m not leaving, Mother. We’ve talked about this.”

“Have we?”

“Yes, we have!” Regina threw her hands up in the air in disbelief. “Gods, you really do have a problem, don’t you, Mother?”

“A problem with what, dear?”

“You know what?” Regina was done. “I’m not even going to bother trying to talk to you, especially not when you’re drunk.”

“I am not drunk, dear.”

Regina rolled her eyes and grabbed her cup of lemonade. She stalked up to her mother, glaring as she tried to remain as calm as she could manage, a greater feat than any fight she’d ever had against herself.

“If you dare think of making a fool of yourself today, Mother, you best leave right now and save yourself from that embarrassment,” she said lowly. She glared down at her mother who stood a few inches shorter than her, and she fought back the smile as she swore she saw a tremor of fear run through her mother in that very moment. “And,” she said, pausing as she stepped past her, only stopping when she reached the back door, “if you want to be a part of my life and know _my_ business, you best stop drinking around me. A part of being sober means surrounding myself with people who are sober, too, not someone like you who can’t even see nor admit that you have a very big problem.”

“Regina--”

“And another thing, Mother,” she said and she couldn’t stop. She wouldn’t until she said what need to be said. “I would appreciate it if you at least pretended to care enough not to drink when you are around me just as I would appreciate you minding your own goddamn business. Do you understand?”

“Regina, I don’t know where this is coming from, but I--”

“Do you understand?” Regina repeated. Cora nodded, though it was subtle, and her eyes glanced down to the floor as Regina yanked open the back door. “Good. Now sober up and join us, it is after all, a family barbecue isn’t it?”

“Regina--”

She stepped out into the backyard, pulling the door shut before her mother said another word, and she forced a smile on her face as she saw Emma holding the back gate open for Ruby and a few other women she recognized from the night at the bar during the “charity” pool game. She smiled and waved as she walked over to where the folding table was set up by the shed and took a seat in one of the empty chairs beside Henry who was busy talking to Robyn as music played from Robyn’s iPod on the table.

She was surprised to see Zelena walk out of the house and not Cora. She hadn’t even realized Zelena had been inside at all. Not too far behind her, Cora stumbled out, her face red and fists clenched at her side as Zelena stormed towards the back gate in a huff. Robyn was up in a flash and following them both out of the backyard. Regina wasn’t that far behind either as everyone else headed out to the driveway just in time to see Zelena all but forcing Cora to get into the passenger seat of her car.

“Get your hands off of me, Zelena!”

“Shut up and get in the car, Mother. You’re drunk. You were told very specifically not to try and bring anything here and what did you do? Hmm?” Zelena turned to look at everyone as they watched the scene unfold. “She snuck over a flask, a bloody flask, can you believe it?”

Zelena waved a gold plated flask for everyone to see and Cora tried to make a grab for it, barely grazing it before Zelena tossed it to the middle of the front lawn.

“Get in the car, now. I’m taking you home so you can sober up! Bloody hell!”

“This is inhumane!” Cora yelled as Zelena forced her into the car and shut the door. It didn’t stop her from pounding on the window and screaming at Zelena to let her out.

“Uh, if everyone can just turn back around,” Emma said with a slight cough as she tried to get everyone to go back into the backyard. “There are cold drinks inside and--”

“Games!” Robyn said excitedly. “Lawn games!”

“Lawn games?” Ruby chuckled. “What the hell are lawn games?”

“Bocce ball,” Robyn said as she slung an arm around Ruby’s shoulders which was all the others needed to follow them into the backyard. “You’ve never played?”

“No!”

Regina hung back. So did Emma and they both watched as Zelena backed her car out of the driveway with Cora yelling at her as she drove off. Regina looked at Emma in bewilderment, wanting some answers as it was evident that this wasn’t the first time something like that had happened.

“It’s fine,” Emma said quietly and she extended a hand towards Regina and tried to smile a little at her. “Come on, they’re gonna start playing and if you want to be on my team, we better--”

“Emma,” Regina said, shaking her head as she frowned. “What the hell was that?”

“That?” Emma’s lips mirrored hers and she sighed. “That was your mom drunk out of her mind. She won’t even remember this come tomorrow. Come on, let’s just go and have a little bit of fun, okay? Zee will be back soon.”

“Emma, that--”

“That is actually pretty normal for Cora, in a fucked up way,” Emma finished and she continued to hold out her hand until Regina reached out for it tentatively. “You know how to play,” she said as she tried to change the subject, “don’t you?”

Regina nodded. She did know how to play, but she was miles away from thinking about playing bocce ball in Emma’s backyard when her sister was driving their drunker than a skunk mother home in the middle of the afternoon on the fourth of July.

Life in Storybrooke certainly had changed.

And Regina knew that what she’d just seen was still only the very tip of the iceberg.

As if she didn’t have enough to worry about already.


	31. Chapter 31

It was quiet by the time the evening rolled around. Ruby and her friends--coworkers from the diner and the salon she worked at--left to go to the beach where they were meeting other people for a bonfire before the fireworks. Booth had come and stayed long enough to grill some burgers and hang out for a bit, but he was the first officer on duty for the evening and left as soon as a call came in from across town.

Zelena did come back, though it wasn’t until after Booth had started grilling the burgers. She looked worn out and was in a terrible mood after dealing with Cora. Zelena didn’t even say much when she’d returned other than it’d taken her two hours to convince Cora to go to bed and sleep it off.

Cora was a topic of conversation for a while after that and one Regina half-listened to as she sat near Emma, unable to take her eyes off of her. They never did find another moment alone for the rest of the afternoon either, not until Henry and Robyn went inside to play cards and Zelena had gone along with them leaving Emma and Regina out in the backyard to clean up alone.

And even then they weren’t alone for long. Zelena was right back outside not even five minutes later, informing them that Cora had called and was demanding to come back to spend the rest of the evening with the family.

“She’s in hysterics,” Zelena said with a roll of her eyes. “She sounds a little soberer than when I’d left her at least. Should I go and get her?”

“Up to you,” Emma replied with a nonchalant shrug. “You okay with that, Regina?”

“It’s your house.”

“It’s your mom.”

“For god’s sake,” Zelena groaned. “Yes or no?”

Emma knew what had been said between Regina and Cora. Regina had told her shortly after Zelena had taken her home. Emma groaned as she rubbed at the back of her neck and stared at Regina, at a loss as to how to respond.

“She’s a little soberer or actually almost sober?” Emma asked and it sounded as if she was choosing her words a little too carefully. “We told her there was to be no alcohol and she still--Jesus, Zee, she couldn’t even go one day without drinking.”

“What do you want me to do, Emma?” Zelena was growing irritated and her phone started buzzing in her hand. She lifted it up to look at the screen and rolled her eyes. “She isn’t going to stop calling unless I get her or go home.”

“Going home isn’t an option is it?” Regina inquired and Zelena burst out laughing and hit the ignore button on her screen. “I want you to be honest with me. How long has it been this bad?”

Zelena and Emma just exchanged a look. It was a look that told Regina more than words ever could. She leaned back in the uncomfortable folding chair she was sitting in and groaned. Regina reached for the glass of water in front of her on the folding table with one hand and pinched at the bridge of her nose with the other.

“How long?” she asked again. “And please,” she said with a heavy sigh as she looked at her sister and then at Emma, “just be honest with me. I want to know.”

“A while,” Emma said quietly. “A couple of years at least.”

“The last year and a half has been the worst, more so since Daddy passed,” Zelena said as she sat down at the table beside Emma and across from Regina. “We’ve tried to get her to stop or at least slow down. Robyn suggested we put a lock on the liquor cabinet.”

“Why not get rid of it all?”

“We’ve tried, Regina,” Emma said. “And she won’t get rid of uh, Dad’s collection.”

Aside from the crickets chirping in the grass nearby silence fell upon them. The grief was still very fresh for all of them. Zelena was crying and being very obvious about it, which for once Regina wasn’t going to call her out on her dramatics. She too had tears welling in her eyes, tears she wouldn’t let fall because she was so _tired_ of the grief--and not just grief over her father’s sudden death.

Emma was quiet, slouching in the chair with her arms over her chest. She didn’t say anything more, didn’t utter a peep, didn’t cry, though her eyes were watery and her face full of emotion. Still, she didn’t look at either of them or said a word, she just wallowed in her own pit of sadness and grief, much like what Regina was doing too.

The sound of Zelena’s phone buzzing broke the silence, but it was really the sound of Emma’s ringer a few minutes later, Beethoven’s fifth, that made Zelena laugh and Regina raised an eyebrow as Emma groaned and picked her phone up off the table.

“It’s Cora.”

“Don’t answer it unless you have an answer for her,” Zelena warned her. “Well, do you?”

“No.”

“I may have an idea,” Regina said. Emma and Zelena looked at her curiously and waited for her to continue. It was a spur of the moment idea, and she wasn’t even sure where it’d come from either, but it was more than what they had which was nothing. “I know Daddy loved his collection of spirits, most he vowed never to drink because of the monetary value they hold. What if we moved his collection to the brewery?”

“It’d be out of the house but not gone completely,” Zelena said with a nod and a smile curled over her lips. “Mother cannot protest against that, can she? His collection will still be saved and safe, but nowhere near her.”

“Can we even do that?” Emma asked. “Isn’t Cora handing over the reins for the brewery to that lawyer?”

“She can’t do that,” Zelena replied. “She can try, but she can’t.”

“Actually, she can,” Regina said. “It was left to her and under her full control. She can choose who she wants to oversee production and etcetera. What lawyer are you talking about? Albert Spencer?”

“He and Daddy have been friends for a long time,” Zelena said sadly. “Mother mentioned that they’d been working together and not just on legal matters regarding the brewery and the operations.”

“Then I’m sure old Al wouldn’t mind hosting Daddy’s collection of fine spirits in his office there, hmm? We’ll need to contact him and ask him. It is the least we can do, isn’t it?” Regina asked and Emma nodded, but Zelena looked a little skeptical. “What other options do we have, Zelena? Either we move the collection out of the house or Mother ends up drinking it all, which if you ask me, is far worse than getting rid of it, isn’t it?”

“She has a good point,” Emma said to Zelena. “We got to try something, Zee. Cora isn’t getting any better and you know it as well as I do that she needs help.”

“She refuses help. She doesn’t think she has a problem. Hell, she doesn’t even think Regina had a problem and we all heard about how bad it’d gotten for her.”

“I’m sitting right here,” Regina said tightly as she glared at her sister. She shook her head and tried to bury the anger that was rising. “We’re not talking about me right now, we’re talking about Cora. Tell me, what exactly have any of you done to help her stop?”

“Help her?” Zelena cackled and slapped her knee before dramatically wiping away a single tear from the corner of her eye. “Mother doesn’t want help as she doesn’t think she _needs_ help. She doesn’t see that there is anything wrong with what she does or how much she drinks or when. Regina,” she said and she paused for a moment. “What was the thing that made you stop?”

“This isn’t about me. Don’t make this about me, Zelena, please.”

“No, but you can relate, can’t you?”

“Zelena,” Emma said as she reached out to pat her on the shoulder in warning. “Don’t. If Regina doesn’t want to talk about it, we need to respect that.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Zelena groaned. “We don’t understand it, Emma, but she does. If we want to help Cora, we need someone that understands what it’s like. Regina knows. Regina is still going through quite the battle, isn’t she?”

“Again, I’m sitting right here,” Regina muttered, but it was fruitless as she knew her sister and she knew Zelena would not easily drop it. “You want to know why you can’t help her?” she asked after Zelena’s phone started buzzing again. “Cora doesn’t think she has a problem or that it requires any form of help from any of you. You can’t help someone who doesn’t think they need it at all. You already know that, so why do you still want to keep trying to help her?”

“It’s Cora,” Emma answered. “She can be the biggest bitch in the world, but that doesn’t mean she deserves for us to give up on her completely.”

“This is your mother you’re talking about, Regina. How could you--”

“She may be my mother, Zelena, but I am allowed to hate her and not want to--”

“Guys,” Emma said quietly as she held her hands up. “Come on, this is ridiculous. We should be rallying together and trying to figure this out, not doing this, whatever this is.”

Emma was right. That was what they should be doing and Regina had to let go of her own battles when it came to her mother, even if just long enough to help her--or at the very least help her see that she needed help and that her family wanted to be the ones that gave her the help she so desperately needs.

“She isn’t going to give up,” Zelena said when Emma’s phone started to ring, the same ringtone as before. “Answer it.”

“And what the hell do you want me to say to her?”

“I don’t bloody well know,” Zelena exclaimed. “Just answer it and see what she says.”

“You answer it!” Emma said as she thrust her phone towards Zelena who immediately backed away. “Oh my god, fine,” Emma said with a loud groan and answered. “Hi, Cora.”

“Put it on speaker!” Zelena hissed as she reached out to grab Emma’s phone to do it herself. After a little struggle, Emma gave up and the phone was placed down on the table on speaker.

“Why aren’t you and Zelena answering your phones?” Cora demanded.

“I answered it,” Emma said. Regina could see her legs bobbing under the table, fidgety and nervous. “Sorry, Cora. I didn’t have my phone near me. How are you feeling? Any better than earlier?”

“I am feeling just fine just as I was feeling fine earlier until someone decided that I was not,” Cora snapped. “Is she there, Emma?”

“Who, Zelena?”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” Cora yelled and Regina winced as Zelena tried to keep from laughing. “Where is Zelena? Is she still there or is she actually on her way home to pick me up and bring me back in time for fireworks, hmm?”

“Cora--”

“I’m right here, Mother,” Zelena said tightly. “We were just having a discussion. You’ll never guess just who was the star of said discussion, Mother.”

“Oh, get off your high horse, Zelena,” Cora scoffed. “After you forced me into bed as if I were a child, it gave me plenty of time to think.” A pause before Cora’s laughter rang over the speaker, and Regina _hated_ the way it made her ears ring and her body tense. “And to sober up, of course. Isn’t that what you wanted, hmm? Now, come home and pick me up. I do not want to miss the fireworks, dear. After all, I promised the children I would be there tonight.”

Regina doubted that Henry and Robyn even cared that Cora wasn’t there. They had barely seemed fazed at all after Zelena had all but dragged her out to the car and taken her home. Nobody said anything as Emma just leaned forward with a frown on her face as if she was trying to find the words to say that wouldn’t further anger Cora.

“Fireworks are due to start in less than an hour or so,” Emma said and she shrugged at Zelena who was now glaring at her and positively fuming. “The kids can stay here. Henry really doesn’t have a choice right now, but uh, we can come over and watch them at the house with you? You do have a much better view than we have here, after all.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s true. When can I expect you?”

“Shortly.”

“All right,” Cora sighed. “See you soon, dear.”

“What the hell?” Zelena exclaimed as soon as the call ended as Cora had hung up first. “Are we really going over there? I thought we were supposed to stay here, Emma!”

Emma shrugged. “Maybe it’s better if we do. We don’t know what she’ll do if she’s alone. You said that earlier, didn’t you?” she asked and Zelena buried her face in her hands in frustration. “We’ll go over there and we’ll watch the stupid fireworks with Cora. It’ll make her happy, won’t it?”

“Now you’re concerned about Cora’s happiness?”

“Zee, the only thing I’m concerned about is Cora’s wellbeing right now. She obviously does not want to be alone right now and seeing as we’re her family, she needs us.”

“Fine,” Zelena huffed. “Let me go tell the children we’re leaving and we’ll head out in a few minutes. I’ll drive.”

“Are you coming, Regina?” Emma asked as soon as Zelena had disappeared into the house. “I mean, I get it if you don’t want to. You can stay here with the kids or, you know, do whatever you want to do. I just, I’d like it if you came too, you know? I think Cora would like it, too.”

“I suppose so.”

“Are you staying over there tonight or are you going back to David’s?”

“I don’t know yet, Emma.”

“Okay,” Emma replied with a frown. “Uh, the offer is still open if you want to stay here tonight. Pretty sure Robyn is staying over, too, but she usually sleeps in Henry’s bed and he takes the floor but the couch is free, and if you don’t want the couch, I’ll take it.”

Regina just stood up and didn’t answer Emma because she didn’t know what the answer was. She did know, however, that if she stayed there tonight that slow would no longer be a word in their vocabulary when it came to their relationship.

“Come, let’s go!” Zelena called out as she stormed out of the back door. “Are you coming?” she asked impatiently. “Let’s get a move on before Cora starts calling us again or worse, she attempts to come over her on her own.”

“What is stopping her from doing that anyway if we don’t show up soon?” Emma asked as she and Regina followed Zelena out to where her car was parked at the end of the driveway. “Seriously. She could’ve just driven over here if--”

“Not without the key she can’t,” Zelena replied. “Which I took, by the way. I already lost one parent recently and I really don’t want to lose another so soon or in such a senseless way that could’ve been preventable.”

Regina had to fight to roll her eyes at the way Zelena seemed to always make every little thing about her, one way or another. She ignored it, mostly because she had been enjoying herself despite the spectacle that happened earlier, and mainly because just being around Emma made her feel at ease for the first time in a long time.

The drive to the house was quick and Regina followed Zelena and Emma inside. The second they walked into the back door they were greeted by the sound of classical music playing loudly from somewhere in the house. Zelena headed for the study and Emma grabbed onto Regina’s hand and led her into the kitchen where sure enough they found Cora with a glass of wine in one hand as she danced around the kitchen to the music playing loudly throughout the house.

“Maybe I should just go,” Regina whispered to Emma as she let go of her hand and Emma shook her head no, placed a finger to her lips and then started to sway to the music towards Cora.

“Hello, dear!” Cora sang out as Emma swept in and eased the glass of wine out of Cora’s hand before she moved into position, twirling her as she danced around the kitchen with her.

Cora laughed, her head thrown back, one hand on Emma’s hip and the other being held firmly in Emma’s right hand. Emma laughed too as she led Cora around the island in a simple two-step formation that was easy enough for Cora to follow along without stumbling. Regina couldn’t help but watch. It was like a train wreck unfolding before her very eyes. She wasn’t sure what she had expected when they walked into the kitchen but Emma dancing around with her drunk mother was definitely not it.

Emma glanced over at Regina and subtly nodded towards the glass of wine she’d placed on the counter. Regina waited as Emma waltzed around with Cora and was on the other side of the island counter before she grabbed the glass and all but poured it down the sink. She rinsed the glass and left it inside the deep sink, turning around at the sound of Emma and Cora’s laugher as Emma dramatically dipped Cora back before the music abruptly stopped.

“Oh dear,” Cora laughed as she backed away from Emma and placed her hands on her head. “You made me quite dizzy, Emma. It’s nice to see you haven’t forgotten what I taught you many years ago, hmm?”

Regina’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and Emma laughed it off as she gently took one of Cora’s hands and led her over to the table and helped her sit down in her spot. Her mother taught Emma how to dance? Properly? Her mother nor her father had even taken the time to teach her. She’d always had two left feet and from what she thought she knew, so did Emma.

But that clearly wasn’t the case because she had seen Emma take the lead and move so effortlessly, dancing around the kitchen with Cora like she’d been doing it her whole life.

It was impressive, to say the least.

“When are we having dinner?” Cora asked as she blinked blankly and yet expectedly at Emma and then at Regina. “Well? I’m quite famished.”

“We already ate a few hours ago,” Emma said and she grabbed a clean glass that she promptly handed to Regina. “Water,” she whispered. “Don’t worry, I got this.”

“Do you?”

Emma shrugged and walked back over to Cora, taking a seat in what used to be Regina’s usual seat. “How much have you had today?” Emma asked carefully. “Cora? How much have you had to drink today?”

“A few,” Cora replied flippantly. “What did you do with my drink?”

“I think you need some water,” Emma said and she looked back at Regina with a look of desperation in her eyes. “Regina? Water?”

“What about dinner?” Cora asked as Regina ran the water from the tap and looked over at her mother. Cora looked positively confused and not just drunk, and she felt a small flicker of sadness over her mother’s state of mind before she turned her attention back to the running water. “Didn’t I make a lasagna for dinner?”

“You did,” Emma said gently. “We uh, we ate it already, Cora. Don’t you remember what happened earlier?”

“No, I--I don’t.”

“You don’t remember coming over to my place?” Emma questioned as Regina filled up the glass and turned off the tap. “You don’t remember Zee taking you home and putting you to bed? Calling both of us to come and get you so you wouldn’t miss the fireworks?”

“Did I miss the fireworks?”

“No, not yet. They don’t start until ten, remember?”

Regina placed the glass down on the table in front of her mother before she took a few steps back and crossed her arms over her chest. She had never seen her mother in a state quite like this before, and it was unnerving, to say the least.

“Oh yes,” Cora tittered. She glared down at the glass of water and looked over at Regina, the smile on her face fading fast. “Where is my wine?”

“Mother, don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?”

“What did you do with it?” Cora demanded. “Well? Where is it?”

“Cora--” Emma started and she was quick to react when Cora tried to lunge at Regina out of nowhere. “Cora, just sit down and have a drink of water, okay?” Emma paused as Cora huffed and followed her instruction with some hesitation. “If you’re hungry, I’m sure we can make you something?”

“I made an extra lasagna,” Cora said in a bored tone as she waved towards the fridge. “I forgot to bring it along earlier. Good thing, hmm?”

Regina didn’t bother to ask or mention it, she just went to put the oven on and found the lasagna in the fridge. It was smaller than the one they’d eaten at dinner and she pulled it out of the refrigerator and pulled off the plastic wrap from the top. She placed the small casserole dish on the counter and turned around to find her mother had managed to move from the table to standing directly behind her.

“It’s not nearly as good as when you make it, dear,” Cora said quietly. “I cannot remember when you made lasagna last. How long has it been, hmm?”

“Since before I left. Long before I left.”

“Far too long. Was the other one I brought over earlier good?”

“It’s always delicious,” Emma cut in with a bright smile as she reached out for Cora’s arm. “Come on, why don’t we just sit back down and--”

“And chat?” Cora tittered and she laughed as if it were the funniest thing she had ever heard. “Wouldn’t that be wonderful if we could just sit down and have a _normal_ conversation, hmm?”

It was a jab clearly made at Regina and it made her flinch as anger bubbled hot under her skin. She ignored her mother, convincing herself it was only the alcohol she’d consumed that was making her this way--even though she knew it really wasn’t. Regina watched as Emma tried and failed to bring Cora back to the table and she mouthed “sorry” to Regina as Cora took a step towards her and lifted her hands to grab onto Regina’s face.

“I haven’t seen you in so very long,” she said quietly. “You’re much older now, dear.”

“Ten years can change a lot of things, Mother.”

“Yes,” Cora said slowly as she stared at Regina’s face. “At least you haven’t begun to show your age yet, hmm?” Cora shook her head and leaned forward and despite Regina pulling back, she managed to plant a kiss to Regina’s cheek. “You look wonderful, my dear. You’ve done quite a good job in taking care of yourself--for the most part.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Regina asked as she forcefully grabbed ahold of Cora’s wrists and pulled them away from her face. “You look like you’ve aged thirty years in the last decade, Mother.”

“I’m aging like fine wine, dear, don’t be ridiculous.”

“You are ridiculous,” she muttered under her breath. “This was a mistake coming here.”

“We all make our fair share of mistakes, Regina,” Cora said pointedly. “I personally believe your biggest one was the day you walked out on Emma and Henry.”

“We are _not_ having this conversation--”

“Oh, but I think we are, dear,” Cora said tightly. She pointed over at the stool at the island counter. “Sit down, Regina.” Regina obeyed the order because it was simply easier than arguing with a drunk. “Good girl.”

Regina clenched her jaw tight. She couldn’t even look over at Emma, but she saw her out of the corner of her eye, inching her way towards the doorway as she tried to leave without being noticed. As much as Regina wanted her to stay, she didn’t want Emma there to hear whatever it was her mother was about to say, though she was certain Emma had heard it all before.

“All I have ever wanted was for you to have one thing in life. Do you know what that is? It certainly wasn’t just a good education and a career we could all be proud of.” Cora reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Regina’s ear. “All I have ever wanted was for you to fall in love with someone who loved you just as much as you loved them. I wanted you to find your true love, to be happy, to spend your life with them and have a family of your own.”

“I was,” Regina said under her breath as she looked away from her mother. It was hard to just breathe when all she could smell was the wine and god knows what else just radiating off of her mother’s breath and skin. It was nauseating. “I was happy with Emma. Is that what you want to hear?” she asked. “I messed everything up, and it is something I can never come back from or fix. I know that much. I don’t need to be reminded that I made a terrible mistake.”

“You can fix your mistakes,” Cora smiled sadly as she gently moved to cup Regina’s face and wiped the tears Regina hadn’t realized had fallen with her thumbs. “We have all made our fair share of mistakes in life, especially when it comes to love. My own mother, whom I believe that you were most fortunate to have never met, she ingrained it into me that love is weakness.”

“You taught me the very same thing, Mother.”

“A mistake on my part, dear.”

It was at most the only form of apology she would ever get from her mother. Cora let go of Regina’s face, dropping her hands as she moved to sit on the stool beside her and she frowned. Regina looked over at the doorway where Emma had been standing and saw that she had left the kitchen, though she wasn’t sure when or how much she had heard.

“Love,” Cora continued as she lifted a hand to wipe at her own tears that were now falling, “love is a beautiful weakness, Regina, the most wonderful weakness anyone could ever know. It doesn’t make you weak when you learn to embrace it fully, as I did with your father. What makes you weak is when you are in love and deny it.”

“I never denied that I was in love with Emma. I just…” Regina trailed off and she angrily wiped at her tears as they continued to fall. “I just hid my relationship with her from you, from Daddy, from everyone. I did it because I was afraid, not because I was weak.”

“What were you afraid of, dear?”

Regina scoffed, “I didn’t want to disappoint you, Mother.”

“You could have never disappointed me, Regina,” Cora said, and for a second there, Regina really thought her mother was truly being sincere. Regina scoffed again, skeptical as she knew that this conversation was only happening because her mother had been drinking. “Besides, as you know,” Cora continued, “Emma is very much a part of this family now. It is just unfortunate that it ended up that way _after_ you left her.”

“As if it would’ve been any different if I stayed,” Regina said. “What is the point of this conversation, Mother? Are you making sure that I know what a crucial mistake that I made when I left her? I already know that I made a mistake. Unfortunately, I cannot turn back time nor can I change the past.”

“It is quite unfortunate, isn’t it, dear?” Cora tittered as she shook her head. “While you cannot change the past, you can change the future, Regina.”

“Is that why you were very insistent about--”

“About you being with us all for family dinner?” Cora asked. “I always extend an invitation to them for dinner several nights a week.” Cora laughed lightly. “Family, Regina. They’re family now. Nothing will ever change that. What I am hoping will change is your role in all of this.”

“My…role?” Regina deadpanned. “What do you mean by that?”

“Mother knows that you and Emma are back together,” Zelena said casually as she breezed into the kitchen. “What?” she asked when Regina shot her a glare. “You _are_ back together, aren’t you?”

“We are _not_ back together, Zelena.”

“Does Emma know that you aren’t?” Zelena smirked. “Oh come off of it, Regina. Why are you still riding that denial train?”

“I am not--” Regina groaned in frustration. “You are unbelievable, Zelena! Why can’t you just mind your own damn business? I’ve asked you to so why do you never listen?”

“Because we just want you to be happy!” Zelena exclaimed. “Is that so wrong?”

“I don’t think it is, dear,” Cora said and Zelena grinned as she slung an arm around her shoulders. “Everyone deserves happiness. Even you, Regina.”

Despite how angry she was and how frustrated she was feeling, she found it odd to see her sister and her mother acting more as if they were best friends and not mother and daughter. What was even worse was knowing that Zelena had told their mother  _everything_ and that wasn’t as embarrassing as knowing that Cora knew Zelena had walked in on her and Emma having sex.

It almost felt surreal in a way, almost as if she’d walked into an alternate universe where things like this were _normal_ in their family when they never used to be.

And despite how the conversation came to be, Regina knew her mother was right.

Everyone did deserve happiness. Even her.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update was a double update, just in case you don't follow me on Twitter and didn't see the tweet! I'm in a fab mood, the sun in shining and it's warm outside, so Happy Sunday, lovely people! Don't forget to leave some love when you're finished reading 😎

Crickets chirped and created a soulful little melody that paired with the cicadas in the trees, nature’s own magical symphony. The fireworks had long since been over, an incredible display they viewed from the front lawn just after ten, and where Regina stayed with Emma even after Zelena had to drag Cora to bed--much like she’d tried to do earlier in the day.

Being with Emma and her mother and Zelena had been surprisingly easy. Easier than she thought it’d be at least. Neither her mother or sister continued on with the conversation that had been taking place in the kitchen after Emma came back in much to Regina’s relief, but she just knew from the way Emma looked at her when she walked in that she had heard all of it.

It was surprising too because, despite everything, Emma, Zelena, and Cora all acted as if everything was fine and _normal_. For them, it was normal. For them, the teasing and the harmless jokes and the laughter that followed, it was normal. And it made Regina feel guilty.

Guilty for leaving. Guilty because her choices had kept her away. Guilty because she had missed so much when it came to her family and to Emma, too, and it felt far too late for her to make up for any of it.

Even despite the drama surrounding her mother earlier, it had been the family gathering she’d wanted all her life and more so when she and Emma had been together before. She hadn’t realized just how much she still wanted it until she settled down outside on the back patio with Emma and a cup of tea. She had finally been a part of the family she had yearned for, that she’d wished was hers, the family that could just _be_ with each other in any way, shape, and form.

And it had felt so foreign being around her family like that and she convinced herself that it only felt that way because she had been gone for so long and had missed so much.

What was even stranger was the dynamic that Emma had with her family. She’d seen it more at the barbecue even though her mother hadn’t been there for most of it. It was just strange to her to see that dynamic with her own eyes because it was nothing like it used to be.

Nothing truly was anymore.

The more she just sat back and observed. The statement that Zelena had made the week before that had stuck with her suddenly felt so real. Right. Almost. _Things would’ve been different if you had stayed_. The more she saw, the more she could really start to see the truth to those very words. The weight of them, it felt overwhelming and almost as unreal as it felt surreal.

“It’s been a lot to take in, huh?”

Emma’s voice was casual. She sounded tired, but Regina could see her smiling even in the near darkness out on the back patio. It was the first time they had been alone since earlier that afternoon at Emma’s house, the silence up until Emma had spoken, had been slowly driving Regina to the brink of insanity.

“I get it,” Emma said quietly when Regina didn’t respond. “You’re not really used to any of this, but this, Regina? This is what our lives are like now. It’s been this way for a long time. Your father and, well Zelena too, they’re a big part of why it is this way now.”

Regina kept expecting to wake up and find that the entire day had been nothing but a dream. Being there with Emma, that was surreal.

“You’ve been gone for a long time,” Emma continued, her voice still quiet. A few firecrackers went off a block away, illuminating the sky. Emma turned to look over at Regina just as the sky felt dark and quiet again. “Regina,” she said, “things are a lot different now.”

“Yes, they are.”

“Feels a bit surreal, doesn’t it?”

The crickets went quiet then as Regina stared at Emma in wonder. It made her feel too vulnerable and weak, and she wasn’t ready to let herself go that much with Emma so soon, so quickly. They agreed to take things slowly. Slow meant not jumping headfirst back into a relationship. It wasn’t healthy, and Regina definitely didn’t think she was ready for that to happen just yet. This was Emma Swan. The love of her life.

This was her second chance and it terrified her.

“That’s not quite what I was thinking of,” Regina uttered the lie under her breath. “Not exactly. All of this? Tonight? This is all just normal now? For all of you?”

“Pretty much, Regina. Is that a problem?”

“No, no, it’s just as you said,” she stammered. “It does feel a little surreal. Everything is so different, yet it still feels the same. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah,” Emma chuckled lightly. “Complete sense. Are you honestly surprised?”

“More than I thought I would be.”

“Yet it still feels the same way,” Emma said and she reached out for Regina’s hand. “I know. I guess that’s why it feels surreal, right?”

“I meant in general,” Regina said and she swallowed hard when Emma pulled her hand back rather quickly, the dark almost hiding that rejection she felt on her face. “Emma--”

“No, it’s--you really don’t know how different things are now,” she said. “Cora isn’t even the same, and it’s not just, you know, what you’ve seen. It’s more than that.”

“I know.”

Another couple of firecrackers went off again, a little further away than the last few. The crickets started chirping, too. As much as she wanted to reach out for Emma’s hand, she hesitated. There was a heavy tension that had settled between them and had been growing ever since they’d been left alone after the fireworks by the town hall had ended. Regina wasn’t sure whether she wanted to push Emma away or pull her in and it was a fight she wasn’t sure how to fight or if she even wanted to.

“I know you don’t want to talk about your mother, but what you’ve seen is not all of it.”

“I never would’ve thought I’d see the day you defended my mother, Emma.”

“She’s not the woman you remember.”

“No, she’s not,” Regina said quietly “Who _is_ that woman?”

“Crazy, right?” Emma laughed. “You wouldn’t believe that Cora spent years trying to set me up on dates, convinced somehow that if I found someone else to fall in love with that I’d be, I don’t know, happier I guess. Her words, not mine.”

“Were you not happy all these years, Emma?”

“I’m not going to lie to you. No, I wasn’t. As time went on, things just got easier. I thought I moved on,” Emma admitted and she took a shaky breath. “How can you move on from someone that you’re still in love with?”

Regina reached out for Emma’s hand then, her emotions hitting her wave after wave just from Emma’s words. She was almost speechless. Almost.

“I don’t know,” she whispered after a long pause. “I don’t suppose you ever do move on if you’re still in love with someone, even if they’re just gone or…dead.”

Emma intertwined their fingers and sighed. “I tried to convince myself that you were dead,” she said. “It didn’t work.”

“Of course it didn’t work. I’m still very much alive.”

“I know.”

Regina knew from the sad smile Emma flashed at her before she leaned back in the chair and looked up at the stars in the sky, that this was part of the talk they needed to have, the one with their walls down and everything laid bare. Even when they had been together before, there had always been remnants of their walls built up around them, though on occasion, those too came down just as it felt it was happening there in that very moment.

Regina wanted to blame the pull of her emotions on the last few days she’d had, but it wasn’t just that. It was being home, in the house she grew up in, with her family there, with Emma and Henry, with everything feeling and being so easy that it seemed too good to be true. It all kept on happening no matter how much she tried to convince herself it was a silly little dream and that any moment now she’d wake up and none of this would be happening. Not the past couple of days, not even the past few weeks.

She knew why it felt that way, and she turned to look up at the stars as it just hit her. The realization. She walked into a life of people who were her family yet strangers to her. Ten years’ worth of one memory after another they’d all made without her. Ten years of her never asking questions, never asking her father when she spoke with him or saw him, and she didn’t know her own family anymore. It was more sobering than it felt when she realized the first time she had truly left Emma, one too that had come far too late.

“Are you really going to stay?” Emma asked, the emotional crack in her voice pulling Regina from her thoughts. “I know you are here because of Henry right now, that he’s the reason you came back at all and I know what you said the other day, but are you really going to stay?”

“Yes.”

“Just like that?” Emma asked, unsure. Doubtful. “You have a whole life in New York--”

“A life that I’ve been ready to give up for quite some time now.” The admittance was both painful and uplifting. “I honestly never thought I’d be back here, at least not so soon after Daddy’s funeral. Would I have come back if it weren’t for that? Probably not. I cut everyone out of my life except for him. Everything was different before he died, Emma. Nobody _cared_ , nobody gave a goddamn what I did or where I was and do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because that is the way that I wanted it to be and it was all just a lie I told myself…” Regina trailed off and scoffed as she pulled her hand back from Emma’s and looked back up at the night sky and the few stars she could see. “From the moment I first saw you, the whole time that we were together, my life has been filled with nothing but lies and excuses and I am so fucking tired of it.”

“What do you want?” Emma asked and she reached for her hand again. “What do _you_ want, Regina?”

“I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be like that ever again.”

“Then don’t be.”

Regina half scoffed, half laughed as a few tears broke free. “You are starting to sound like Zelena. How the hell did you two end up being friends?” Regina couldn’t help but ask and they both laughed together. “I’m serious. I just can’t figure it out.”

“It’s fucking weird, I know. As I told you already, Robyn and Henry, they just clicked and became best friends. It started with a playdate, then another. After the third one, Zee and I ended up having a girl’s night out at the Rabbit Hole.”

“The rest, as they say, is history. History I’ve yet to know and am not quite certain that I _want_ to know.”

Emma laughed before she lifted her other hand to reach over and wipe away at Regina’s tears. “Basically,” she said and chuckled with a small shake of her head, “if you want to know the whole story, well I’d suggest copious amounts of alcohol to be involved with that story, but you know, that’s really not an option.”

“No, it really is not,” Regina scoffed lightly. “Surreal doesn’t even begin to describe any of this, Emma.”

“I know.”

Emma pulled out her phone as it started to ring, and strangely it wasn’t one of her annoying ringers, just a clip of a song Regina didn’t recognize. Emma frowned as she looked down at the screen and turned to show Regina that it was Henry calling.

“Hey, kid,” Emma said as she answered it. “Yeah, I know. I lost track of time and--yeah, no everything is okay over here, don’t you worry about that, okay?” Emma paused for a moment before she pulled the hand still holding Regina’s free and stood up slowly. “Are you giving me a curfew, kid?” she laughed and shook her head. “Fine. Okay? Fine, I’m leaving. No, not right this second, Hen, in a few minutes. I’ll be home soon, okay?”

Emma held a hand up in defeat as she sighed in an overly dramatic way that had Regina laughing and not just at the side of the conversation she’d just heard. She laughed in disbelief too because she knew this meant whatever moment she and Emma were having and any that could’ve been was over for the night. Just about. Emma reached out for Regina’s hand and coaxed her to take it with a smile that melted Regina’s heart.

“Walk me home?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes,” Emma deadpanned. When Regina didn’t respond, she spoke again. “So, is that a no then to walking me home?”

“No.”

The little tug on her hand from Emma was enough to make her give, to allow Emma just to take the lead. She felt like she was eighteen again as Emma quietly led her through the house, practically tiptoeing until they were out on the front steps. It was in that moment, everything that she was feeling, it all made her want to just let go. Still, she was fighting a raging war, one solely against herself. This,  _this_ was why she loved Emma Swan. That freeing feeling of being able to be just who she truly was with her. It was the most freeing and liberating feeling in the world.

It was the very thing she’d run away from all because she had been a coward.

A _coward_.

It wasn’t who she was anymore. She didn’t hide, she didn’t lie--not to herself and not to others. She lived her life freely and not hiding behind a wall of lies and excuses. The past had only been stirred up from the moment she found out about her father’s sudden and unexpected passing.

She wasn’t a coward.

She wasn’t someone who let her emotions control her. She had been that person for a very long time, and now she couldn’t even see those parts of her anymore because she was raging this war against herself and for what? All she wanted was to just be who she had become while she’d been gone and she wanted not just Emma to see that side of her, but her family too.

She was _not_ a damn coward.

“So, you have a curfew, hmm?” Regina asked once they were on the sidewalk and she glanced down at the hand that Emma still had a firm grip on. “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

“Should be, but it isn’t. He worries. We look out for each other, you know?”

“He is still too young to have to worry about his mother.”

Emma laughed a little and shrugged. “One too many nights out with the girls where I didn’t come home until real late. Now he gives me a curfew.”

“Which tonight is what?” Regina asked. “Midnight?”

“It is tonight apparently.”

Regina couldn’t help but lean into Emma as they walked down the street hand in hand. She had missed so many things about Emma Swan, but the one thing she realized she had missed the most was the way her whole body tingled whenever they touched. Whether it was just by holding hands, a hug, or like now just walking down the street leaning into one another, just a touch sparked that buzz that coursed its way deliciously throughout her body.

Nobody she had been with in the time since she’d left had ever made her feel that way.

Emma stopped on the corner of Mifflin Street and turned to her. In the dim light under the streetlight that was near, Regina could see that spark in Emma’s eyes, the same one she’d seen the other night before things went from just kissing to being naked in Emma’s bedroom. It was the same look she’d seen that morning and earlier that afternoon, too. It was a look that pulled her in and made her want to do nothing more than to kiss her right then and there. She licked over her lips slowly, watching Emma as Emma just stared at her longingly.

“So,” Emma said softly, “you never found anyone else?”

It felt like a question they were going to keep coming back to until they both believed it.

“No. Did you?”

“Nope,” Emma sighed. “Everyone that your mother tried to hook me up with was a bust.”

Regina raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Who did she try to hook you up with?” she asked.

“Ruby,” Emma replied and she winced, but neither of them made a move to step away and put some distance between them. “I know. I _know_. She’s gorgeous and everything, but we’re not even close to being compatible like that, romantically at least. She’s become a great friend over the years, though.”

“Who else?” Regina asked. She found it hard to believe her mother would go as far as trying to set Emma up with someone. Anyone, for that matter. “A man? My mother tried to set you up with men?”

Emma shrugged and then she cringed. “Killian Jones,” she said and cringed again. “One date. He’s a sleaze with only one thing on his mind. I only agreed to it to get Cora off my back for a while. She was so determined to help me find someone else to fall in love with, but in a town this small, well, you know how it is. The options are--”

“Very limited, yes, I know. I’m surprised she didn’t try to hook you up with Leroy.”

“Ew! God, Regina, that is disgusting! Why would you even say that?”

Regina laughed as Emma slipped her arms around her waist and Regina shook her head as she lazily draped her arms around Emma’s shoulders. “Who else? Or did she leave you alone for a while after you went out with that vile, disgusting excuse for a man?” Regina asked. Because she wanted to know. She had this increasing desire to know just who her own mother had tried to set Emma up with. “Emma?”

“There were a few others after Cora convinced Zelena and Ruby to take me out to a gay club in Boston one weekend.”

“And?”

“There were two women I ended up meeting and going out with. It was casual, never even made it to a second date with either of them,” Emma said with a small shrug and laughed at little. “They ended up dating each other once I introduced them. Zelena, Ruby, and I went to their wedding last summer. It was beautiful.”

“That’s interesting,” Regina said with a small shake of her head. “So, the two women you went on one date with casually ended up getting married to each other?”

“Yeah. Crazy, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“I feel like this is crazy,” Emma whispered as she motioned between them with a nod of her head. “Us. Us talking like this like it’s normal or something. It’s not, is it?”

“I--I don’t think that I can answer that, Emma,” Regina sighed. “We should get moving, though. Your son has you on a very strict curfew after all.”

“I know, I just--I’m basking. Give me a minute.”

Emma shook her head and did not let go of the hold she had on Regina. They just stood there on the corner of the quiet, dark street, lost in their own little world, their own little moment. Regina knew from the look in Emma’s eyes that she was waiting for the okay to kiss her without having to ask. A car turned onto the street and came to a stop on the opposite side, and when Emma tried to pull away, Regina barely flinched, not as she would’ve done years ago when she feared being caught.

All she could do now was lean into Emma a little more and lifted a hand to turn Emma’s face so that she was facing her again before she placed a firm kiss on Emma’s slightly parted lips. She didn’t pull back until the car had driven past them and when she did, the look on Emma’s face was absolutely priceless.

“What?” Regina asked, biting back a laugh. “You did want me to kiss you, didn’t you?”

“What? Of course I did, but you--I--you used to _refuse_ to even hold my hand in public, never mind even dare to kiss me if there was even a slight chance someone would see us,” Emma stammered and the laugh Regina had been holding back just slipped out then, completely unrestrained. “What’s so funny, Regina?”

“Nothing, Emma,” she replied. She stepped back from Emma despite not wanting to leave the safe embrace, and she took Emma’s hand before she started walking down the street. “Are you coming then? Someone has a curfew, remember?”

“Right,” Emma muttered as she trailed a few steps behind her. “Who even lets their teenage son give them a curfew? I must be out of my mind, huh?”

“Possibly.”

The rest of the walk to Emma’s house was silent. After a block, they weren’t even holding hands anymore, though they were walking close together. It wasn’t enough though for Regina to feel that buzz she’d felt before and it filled her with an emptiness she wasn’t sure how to deal with. The moment they had, it all but disappeared, and the mood between them had shifted after that kiss on the corner of the street. She knew that Emma had gone and slammed her walls right back up after that kiss and it was slowly driving her crazy because she just couldn’t figure out why.

They were miles away from being anything close to what they used to be, but Regina didn’t want it to be that way. She had gone ten years without having Emma in her life, and she did not want to know a life without Emma Swan in it any longer. She had already lived that life long enough and she had been miserable. She just wanted to start over, not only with her life by moving back to Storybrooke, but with Emma and Henry.

She didn’t want the life she had for the last decade either. She didn’t want to live that way ever again where she hid in the shadows, hiding who she was and who she loved. She wanted a life she had only ever dreamt of and one, up until that very night, she was convinced would never be real.

Emma led the way up the driveway, walking past her yellow Bug and towards the side door where the light beside it had been left on for her. It was the only light on as the rest of the house was dark and as they walked towards the door, Regina could see just a faint glow of a TV coming from Henry’s bedroom window. Regina inhaled sharply as Emma fumbled with her keys before she turned to look at her.

“Do you uh, want to come in for a little while?” Emma asked. “There are leftovers from earlier if you’re uh, if you’re feeling a little peckish.”

“I’m all right, Emma.”

“Coffee then?” Emma asked and Regina didn’t answer. She wanted to come in and not for a cup of coffee. “Okay, coffee is a bad idea actually. I have to work early. Are you sure you don’t want to come in just for a minute?”

Regina shook her head no even though every ounce of her being was saying yes. “Perhaps you should just call it a night,” she said quietly. “As you said, you have to work early and you need your rest, Sheriff Swan.”

“Right,” Emma said, frowning as her keys slipped from her hand and she bent down to pick them up quickly. She looked over at Regina and offered her a small half-smile. “Today was good, wasn’t it?”

Regina smiled back. “Yes,” she agreed. “As insane as it all was, it was good. All of it.”

“Good,” Emma replied before she turned and reached for the doorknob and found it had been left unlocked for her. She opened it slowly and turned to look back at Regina. For a second there, Regina thought that Emma would kiss her goodnight, but she didn’t as she stepped inside. “Goodnight, Regina.”

“Goodnight.”

Regina stepped back, watching as Emma shut the door without so much as another word or another stolen glance between them. She didn’t move from the spot until she heard the soft click of the lock. She turned, with a heaviness in her heart, and walked down the driveway, stopping only once when the side light was turned off. With a heavy sigh, Regina started to walk back to her mother’s house, realizing that she hadn’t made a decision on just _where_ she’d be staying that night. It was too late to call David and ask him to stay there again--and she felt like she was intruding if she did. She walked until she reached the end of the street and realized she couldn’t go to her mother’s house.

She couldn’t go back there. Not yet. She had far too much on her mind, and she knew that sleep wasn’t going to come easy, if at all. So, she turned the corner, walking away from her mother’s house and towards Main Street, reveling in the quiet the town had settled into after a long night of fireworks and barbecues and probably far too much to drink for some. The town was so quiet it felt almost as eerie as it felt comforting.

New York City was never quiet, not like this, and the further she walked away from Emma’s house, the more she realized that she truly did miss the pace of a small-town life, and the more she realized that she was about to reclaim it for herself once more, and far too many years too late.

And that wasn’t all she had missed either.

She walked through town, her mind full of thoughts, thinking about the day she’d just had with her family, about everything that had happened since last week, and about everything that had been said between her and Emma in the days following their--what, exactly? Regina wasn’t sure, but it definitely wasn’t their reconciliation when they’d had sex all night long. Things had been strange between them, odd in ways Regina had dreaded deep down, strange in ways it’d never been between them and never should be.

Things had been so _good_ between them all day, even the moment they’d stolen in the kitchen where they could barely keep their hands and lips off of one another. It had been good despite how strained things started to feel as the day and then the evening wore on. But despite that, it had been easy. Surprisingly _easy_.

Regina ended up at the harbor. Despite it being the middle of the night, the lights were lit up on all along the boardwalk. She walked to the furthest end down by the beach, remnants of the celebrations from earlier in the night still littered along the beach and near the few trash cans by the parking lot. She sat down on the bench and looked out over the calm water in the harbor, drowning in her thoughts completely.

She was exhausted, but her mind was racing, knowing rest would never come even if she tried to chase it. She relaxed back on the bench, closing her tired eyes as she thought about Emma. Only Emma. Her body was feeling the effects of being awake for far too long, begging for rest, but she sat there until the sun slowly started to rise over the horizon. It wasn’t until then, as she watched the sun rise over the water, that everything just seemed to _sink_ in.

She was really doing this, moving back to Storybrooke and leaving the life she’d built for herself in New York City behind without much of a second thought. She was giving it all up to come back to a place she never thought she’d be again, to a place she never imagined she’d ever want to go back to. She still had to find a place to live, a place to call home, but that would come in due time.

She was coming back to her family, to a family she barely even knew anymore, a family who all felt like strangers to her and they may as well be. She was coming back to Emma Swan; a woman she knew without a doubt she had never stopped loving no matter how hard she had tried to let her go over the years. But, most of all, she knew she was coming back to what felt like she was falling in love again with a woman that still looked at her and talked to her as if not a day had passed by.

What she was feeling in that moment as she watched the brilliant shades of pinks and oranges fill the sky as the sun broke past the horizon completely, it wasn’t a bad or terrible feeling, not like she thought it would be for years if she ever found herself back there in Storybrooke. What she felt too was that heavy burden of guilt she’d been carrying around, the guilt she’d tried to ignore with one too many glasses of alcohol and occasionally pills. Guilt that stayed no matter what she did to chase it away.

But what she hadn’t realized, not until that very moment as it just _sunk_ in, that the guilt she’d carried for all those years had already started to lift and break apart. It had started days ago, but she’d been blind to seeing it at all. Her mind was clearer now, more than it had been in a very long time and despite her exhaustion, she felt more alive than she had in almost her whole life.

Because she was still in love with Emma Swan and Emma, sweet Emma, she still loved her despite the pain and the heartbreak she’d caused all those years ago.

Her mind drifted back to the walk home with Emma. To that kiss. To that awkward silence that had followed and to the goodbye they’d had once Emma was home. It felt so easy just to be with Emma. To hold her hand. To lean into her and kiss her on the corner of the street without a damn care in the world. It was new, that feeling, that freeing feeling of just kissing Emma out on the street as it was something they’d never done before back when they had been together. Now it left Regina wondering just how different their lives may have ended up if they had been so bold before, and how different it would be if she had stayed and they had been free to be who they were together.

Emma was so different, yet still so much the same Emma that she remembered. It was too easy to confuse new feelings with old ones, ones that were just memories. There was this deep and longing desire that made her want to rekindle the flame between her and Emma once again. Not by picking up where they had left off, but rather by starting over.

Yet, starting over, starting anew, it wasn’t quite possible either, but alongside that desire was a strong and newfound sense of determination.

Determination to have the chance at a life that she’d run away from for far too long.

Determination to get back the love of her life because this time she was not going to let her go nor was she going to walk away or break her heart. Not ever again.

The chorus of the early morning birds picked up as Regina stood up from the bench and yawned as she stretched out her stiff limbs. A few early risers were already up and about, some jogging down the boardwalk towards the beach. She saw a man walking down towards her with a dog tugging at its leash, tail wagging as they approached, and she smiled at the old familiar face of Dr. Archie Hopper and reached out to give his old dog a gentle pat on the head. They exchanged no words, just friendly smiles, and Regina continued to walk down the boardwalk as he and his loyal dog continued down towards the beach for their morning walk.

It felt like a far longer walk than it was to 815 First Street. Despite it being so early in the morning, the town was already coming to life as people began to go about their day, back to the grind after the holiday. Ruby waved when Regina walked past the diner on the opposite side of the street and waved back, a friendly smile slipping out easily. She had missed that, the friendliness of a small town and the people that lived there, people she knew or saw on a regular basis. She barely made it past the diner before she saw August Booth walking out of the station, yawning as he rubbed at his eyes and looked both ways before he jogged across the street. He too waved at her with a friendly and cheerful smile that she promptly returned.

She laughed when she saw him rush into the diner, no doubt getting Emma the fresh bear claw and her breakfast he owed her that she’d won over a game of darts.

Regina hurried up the pace as she rushed down the street in an attempt to catch Emma before she left for work. She was pushing it for time, she knew without having to check her phone, and was practically running by the time she made it to the end of the driveway. A sigh of relief escaped as soon as she saw Emma’s bug was still parked in its spot and the house still dark save for a light she could see on in the kitchen.

She all but marched up to the side door and did not hesitate to raise a hand to knock despite her nerves now kicking up a notch because she had absolutely no idea what she was going to say when Emma opened the door. All she knew, in that very moment, was that she needed to see Emma. She knocked once, twice, three times before she took a step back and waited for Emma to answer the door.

“Regina?” Emma asked sleepily and sounding rather confused when she finally opened the door a few minutes later. She blinked at Regina in confusion before she just smiled lazily at her. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

“I--I just wanted to--I needed to see you.”

“Regina--”

“I can’t stop thinking about you, Emma Swan,” Regina continued and exhaled sharply as Emma took a step outside and the door started to shut behind her. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to talk to you.”

“Have you been up all night?”

“Yes.”

“Crazy,” Emma whispered and she took another step towards Regina, a smile dancing over her lips. “We just saw each other a few hours ago. Why were you up all night?”

“I went for a walk.”

“Long walk,” Emma chuckled. “Regina--”

“I want to talk to you,” Regina tried again. “I spent all night thinking about everything. About you. About us. Being with you and my family yesterday made me see what I have missed all these days. I still don’t know how to feel about any of it. It has just been this mess of messy emotions mixed in with this whole sense of everything feeling so surreal. I don’t know what I expected, but this? All of this? It isn’t even close to what I thought or expected that I would ever come home to.”

“It has been ten years. People change, Regina. Things change. Life changes whether you want it to or not and in ways that you never expect it to. I know that and I know you do too. Honestly, there hasn’t been a day that has gone by where I haven’t thought about you. There were times that I tried to convince myself that I hated you because you just left. You just walked away. Of course I thought I--”

“Emma--”

“Let me say this before I lose my nerve,” Emma laughed nervously. “I thought that I hated you because you were gone and because of the way you left. I was wrong. I never hated you. I hated that I let you walk away, that I let you leave, that I just gave up on you, on us because you did. I should’ve fought for you. I should’ve gone after you and begged you to stay, begged for another chance even if I didn’t deserve it then.”

Emma took another step forward and all but lifted Regina up into her arms. She laughed as she let Regina back down on her feet and sighed as she leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. Regina knew instantly that Emma was nervous and she was dreading what she knew would come next before a single word left Emma’s lips.

“I love you, Regina. I tried not to, but I failed. There is no one else in this world like you. I know the other night, things went too far too fast between us. Do I regret it? A thousand times no,” Emma whispered. “Do you? You say you don’t, but I don’t know. Maybe you do in some ways, maybe you don’t. I know we agreed we’d take things slow, but I think we both know that is impossible, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” And she trembled when Emma pressed a soft kiss to her lips that lasted but a second. “Emma--”

“Last night felt easier. It was easier to talk to you,” Emma said. She shrugged as she took a step back towards the door. “I don’t know how to do this with you anymore. I don’t know how to be around you. I want to be your friend. I want for us to start all over again, you know? At the same time, I want more than that. I want what we had back. I’m okay with it if that isn’t what you want. At the very least, Regina, I just want to be your friend.”

“My friend?” Regina deadpanned. Her heart was in her throat. “You want to be my _friend_?”

“It’s a good start,” Emma smiled. “Isn’t it?”

_Friends_? Regina wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry, she wanted to call Emma a pussy for running away from how she felt because that was exactly what she was doing. Pushing and pulling, unsure. Just as Regina was, too.

“Yes, I suppose it is a start,” Regina finally replied, the words she actually wanted to say and what she had come there to say in the beginning now lost on her trembling lips. She wanted to leave, most of all, but that hopeful look on Emma’s face was what made her stay. Emma wanted to start over as _friends_? Ridiculous.

“Do you think we can have a second chance, Regina?”

“As friends?” she asked, looking down at the ground and not at the way the tears were forming in Emma’s eyes. Ignoring the ones she could feel stinging in hers. “Yes.”

It hurt. It hurt more than it did when she had broken Emma’s heart. And the hug that suddenly came out of nowhere had hurt the most.

Because they were starting over. As _friends_.

“Do you want to come in for that coffee?” Emma asked lightly and casually wiped away at her tears as she turned to open the door more. “The pot should be finished brewing by now.”

Said as if the conversation and moment they just had never happened at all.

Being friends was going to be a hell of a lot harder than taking things slow. And Regina had no idea how the hell she was going to make it through however long it took Emma to realize that they were so much more than just friends.


	33. Chapter 33

Ridiculous. Friends? Who was Emma kidding with _that_ insane notion?

Regina didn’t stay long after she joined Emma inside for coffee and not by choice, but because Emma’s phone was going off, the ridiculous police siren, and she had to go. No hug or kiss goodbye, no “I’ll see you later”, nothing but a “gotta go” before she was running out of the house like a bat out of hell.

From there, Regina ended up at the diner with a copy of the Storybrooke Mirror open to the classifieds in front of her and a steaming cup of coffee. While it was busy, she didn’t mind the din of chatter all around her, and she went through each listing for rentals in and around Storybrooke, crossing out each one--all five of them--when she realized they were not at all what she was looking for.

All she knew was she really needed a place to stay, a place to call her own. It felt much like the days after she’d first left town when she had no idea where she was going or where she’d be living, temporarily or semi-permanently. It was frustrating because, in a town as small as Storybrooke, there wasn’t a hell of a lot of options. Her options were to either stay at her mother’s house, fork up a small fortune to stay at the inn, or buy a place and even the real estate in town was as limited as the rentals that were available.

Or the other option, which wasn’t exactly an option really, was to go back to New York City until she figured it out. Her landlord had been notified she was terminating her lease and it meant she still had her place until the end of the month. Last month’s rent was already paid for with the initial deposit she’d put down and regardless of whether she was there until the end of the month or not, she’d still have to pay the utility bills.

But the question she kept asking herself was did she really want to go back to the city? She really _couldn’t_ , not with Henry’s case still treading unknown waters at that point and besides, she reasoned with herself over and over, she had promised she’d stay until she got all the charges against him dropped.

That could happen quickly or it could happen in the coming weeks to months. Regina still didn’t know and wouldn’t until she at least talked to the detective that was in charge of the investigation.

Her first phone call that morning, after she’d finished two steaming hot cups of coffee and waited out some of the early morning rush of customers in the diner, was to the detective in Portland. The call went straight to voicemail. She left the detective a curt message to return her call as soon as he could. The second phone call was to the main line of the police station in Portland where she was put through to the detective’s personal line after much convincing that it was urgent she speak with him.

That call went unanswered as well, but the message on the voicemail informed her that the detective was on a two-day vacation with his family and would be returning first thing Thursday morning.

Her third phone call was to Robert Gold after she went over the listing he had sent to her the other day in her email for the Levingston Farm. He wasn’t in, the woman that answered the phone at his shop informed her that he was off due to the holiday the day before and promised to pass her message on to him as soon as she could.

Regina felt like she was stuck. Stalled. It was an unsettling feeling and not one she was used to at all. She paid for her coffee and left the paper on the table before she headed out, fighting the inevitable pull of sleep with a big, deep yawn that rocked her on her feet unsteadily as she walked down the street.

Sleep. She needed to sleep. The need for it is what drove her to walk the few blocks to her mother’s house. It wasn’t her first option though it seemed to be her _only_ one for now. At least the house was quiet, her sister and her mother nowhere to be seen or heard, and after she changed out of her clothes and into her pajamas, she crawled into bed, barely able to keep her eyes open before her head hit the pillow and she was out.

The sound of her phone buzzing on the pillow by her head was what woke her up several hours later, late in the afternoon. It felt as if she hadn’t slept more than a handful of minutes, really, and she groaned as she tiredly reached for her phone and answered it.

“What?”

“Regina, I have a _little_ problem.”

Kathryn. She sat up and blinked into the brightness of the room and rubbed at her eyes, still blurry from sleep. She groaned as she pulled the phone from her ear to look at the time. Three o’clock on the dot. She cleared her throat as her eyes began to focus, and she put the phone back to her ear.

“Regina?”

“I’m here.”

“I’m so sorry,” Kathryn said in a rush and Regina heard, just faintly, the sound of sirens in the background. “It wasn’t my fault!”

“What wasn’t your fault?” Regina asked, her concern growing as the sirens grew louder. She was fully alert now. “Kathryn? What is going on? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine!” Kathryn sighed. “That jackass cut me off!”

“Kat--”

“I thought I’d surprise you by driving up today with your car and some of your things. I’m--hey, where am I?” Kathryn suddenly shouted. Regina listened in alarm as she heard some muffled voices in the background for a minute. “I’m being told I’m just outside of Portland. Gods, that means I did miss the exit! Hey! Hey, you! Yes! Do you know how I can get to Storybrooke from here? Does Uber of Lyft even operate out here? Hey! Don’t walk away from me, you idiot!”

Regina had pulled the phone away from her ear when Kathryn started shouting. “Kathryn, I’m glad you’re all right,” she said as she cautiously placed the phone back to her ear. “Did I hear you right? Did you just say that you were driving my car?”

“Yes,” Kathryn exhaled sharply. “I’m sorry, Regina. As I said, I thought I’d surprise you. It was a nice little road trip until that jackass cut me off!”

“You’re driving here? As in to Storybrooke?”

“Yes! Well I was until--”

“How bad is it?” Regina asked. “Kathryn?”

“Well,” Kathryn laughed nervously, “I hope you know a good mechanic. The whole back end is, well, gone. It may be a write-off. But--”

“Kathryn--”

“I told you, it wasn’t my fault! That jackass cut me off. I swerved trying to avoid him. I just finished talking to the police. They’re filing charges against him. He’s drunk.” Kathryn paused as Regina listed to the sounds in the background for a moment even though they were muffled. “They’re towing your car to an impound lot just outside of town. It’s a complete write-off, I’m being told.”

“But you are okay?”

“The car isn’t, but I am.”

Regina tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. Her car had been the only thing her father had given her that mattered so very deeply to her. He had gifted it to her so many years ago. It hurt deep to know it was likely gone. Undrivable. Unfixable.  _A write-off_. But that was not what she was more concerned with at the moment. Her best friend was calling after getting into an accident and one that could’ve ended up a whole lot worse.

It was a thought she didn’t want to dare project into the universe, but it cut so much deeper than the loss of not only her first but only car that she’d ever had.

“Kathryn, are you sure you are all right?”

“Just a couple of bumps and scrapes. It’s nothing. I’m _fine_ , Regina.” Kathryn didn’t sound hurt, but she didn’t sound fine, either. She was shaken up. Borderline hysterical.

Regina was up and going through the clothes in her bag, trying to dress quickly as she heard Kathryn having a conversation with someone else in the background. It sounded as if she was talking to a police officer who was trying to convince her to go to the hospital to be checked out by professionals and not just the paramedics that were there.

“Kathryn,” Regina said. “Kathryn, all I care about if that you are all right.”

“I’m fine. Why does nobody believe me?” Kathryn groaned. “I’m so sorry, Regina. I know how much your car means to you. I’ll buy you a new car. I know it won’t be the same but--”

“I don’t care about the damn car, Kathryn. All I care about is that _you_ are okay,” Regina insisted. “Do you honestly think I’m more worried about my car than I am about you?”

“I told you, I’m fine. My phone, however, is dying, but I am okay,” Kathryn replied and her insistence was not convincing in the least. “I’m being forced to go to the hospital.”

“Kathryn, when you get there, stay. I am coming to pick you up.”

“No, you don’t have to--”

“Are they taking you to the hospital in Portland?” Regina asked and she was already out of her room and heading for the stairs. “Kat--”

“Yes, they’re taking me to the hospital in Portland,” Kathryn muttered. “I will be there.”

“And I will be there soon.”

Regina hung up and headed down the stairs quickly. She headed straight into the kitchen when she heard the sound of her sister’s voice coming from there. She found Zelena in the kitchen on the phone with a cup of tea, teabag still in, resting in front of where she stood at the counter.

“I need to borrow your car, Zelena.”

“You want to borrow my car?” Zelena asked, pressing her phone to her chest and she looked at Regina in confusion. “Okay. Why?”

“It is--I need to go and pick Kathryn up from Portland,” Regina said impatiently. “So can I please borrow your car, Zelena?”

“No.”

“Is Mother--”

“You have been sleeping all day, and from the looks of things, you just woke up, so no, you may not borrow my car,” Zelena said drolly before a grin curled over her lips that made Regina wish she’d never asked in the first place. “I’ll drive. Where is dear old Kathryn, hmm?”

“Portland.”

[X]

The drive out to Portland was nothing short of a nightmare. Zelena was not a cautious driver, she was reckless and impatient, curses falling past her lips at every driver on the road she deemed an idiot who shouldn’t have a license. When she wasn’t cursing out every driver she encountered, she was asking Regina a million and one questions about why they were going to Portland, why Kathryn was in Portland. Once Regina told her all that she knew, more questions came as to why Kathryn was driving her car and how she managed to escape mostly unscathed after being in an accident with a drunk driver.

Regina didn’t have all the answers for Zelena and that irritated her. Regina just hoped and prayed that they arrived in Portland in one piece with the distracted way that Zelena was driving. As far as Regina was concerned, Zelena was one of those idiots she continued to curse out until they finally reached the hospital where Kathryn was waiting just outside the emergency room entrance.

Kathryn was okay, aside from some very minor bumps and bruises that Regina could see on her arms and face that is. She had three suitcases sitting on the ground where she was waiting just outside the emergency room doors, and one of them was fairly banged up to the point where it looked as if it would be impossible to open it.

“I didn’t know Zelena was coming,” Kathryn said as Regina was the first to get out of the car to help her with the suitcases. “Why is she here?”

“I asked to borrow her car. She insisted on driving.”

“Is that why you look like you’ve just seen your life flash before your very eyes a hundred times in the last hour?”

“Sadly, yes.”

Kathryn frowned and helped Regina lift the suitcases into the trunk. “I packed up what I thought you’d need until your things are delivered,” she said. She winced as she pointed to the dented suitcase. “Hopefully nothing inside got destroyed. It was in the trunk, the other two were in the backseat and escaped mostly unscathed.”

“The only thing that matters is that you are okay, Kathryn. Are you?”

“If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation with you right now, would I?”

“What did the doctors say?” Regina asked. She slammed the trunk shut as Zelena got out of the car and stretched out. “Everything all right?”

“Yes, as I said earlier, just a few bumps and bruises, nothing that won’t heal up and go away by next week. Can we go? You know how much I hate hospitals, Regina.”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Hello, Zelena,” Kathryn said as she smiled over at her. “Thank you for driving out here to pick me up.”

“You’re welcome, now get in the car. I want to get back before Mother destroys the kitchen in her attempt to make tacos.”

“How can she destroy the kitchen while making tacos?” Kathryn asked in confusion. “I don’t get it. It’s one of the simpler meals to prepare and Cora is a wonderful cook.”

Kathryn didn’t know that Cora was a full-fledged alcoholic and in some ways worse than Regina had ever been even at her lowest. Regina hadn’t spoken with Kathryn much at all over the last couple of days. Their only communication had been only about her packing up Regina’s things and helping her get them all to Storybrooke in one piece, one way or another. Regina hadn’t even thought to call her just to talk about everything that had been going on. She got into the backseat with Kathryn feeling like the world’s worst friend at the moment.

Zelena was a little calmer on the drive out of Portland. She asked Kathryn a million different questions about what had happened during the accident and what had led up to it. Regina just sat and listened, even though her mind was a hundred million miles away.

All she could think about was Emma Swan and the ridiculous notion of them being friends.

How, after everything they had been through in the last handful of days, could they just be friends? Even when they’d first met, it was more than friendship before either of them had realized as much. They weren’t friends. They never were friends. They never could be just friends.

“Regina?” Kathryn asked as she gently placed a hand on top of Regina’s that was fidgeting with the seam on her pants by her knee. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“She’s not fine,” Zelena said as she glanced into the rearview mirror at them. “She’s got her panties in a twist.”

“Regina?” Kathryn questioned lightly. “What’s going on?”

She looked at the back of her sister’s head with a frown before she turned to Kathryn. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” she said quietly. “I’ll tell you everything later.”

“Do you want to know why she has her panties in a twist?” Zelena said with a laugh as she turned the radio down and slowed down to just under the speed limit, her attention now almost completely focused on the two of them in the backseat. “Emma wants to be friends.”

“Zelena, how the hell do you know that?”

“Emma told me,” she chuckled. “Anyway, as we all know, Emma and Regina cannot just be friends. It is ridiculous. So she’s been moping.”

“I am not moping!”

“And,” Zelena continued flippantly, “if you ask me, they are both acting like children who don’t know how to cope with their emotions. Did Regina tell you what happened the other day, Kathryn?”

“What happened?” Kathryn asked as she grabbed onto Regina’s hand a little too hard and frowned. “Regina? What happened?

“We had sex,” she whispered under her breath. “We had sex and now Emma wants to be friends if nothing else.”

“Ridiculous. You and Emma have never just been friends,” Kathryn tittered and then her eyes went wide in surprise for a split second before she burst out laughing. “You had sex and then Emma decided it was best you two just remain friends?”

“It didn’t exactly happen like that but--”

“That is exactly what happened,” Zelena said. “They’re both too bloody scared to admit how they feel about each other. They’re just wasting time, if you ask me, dear.”

“Nobody asked you, Zelena!” Regina groaned. “It’s…complicated at best.”

“Regina,” Kathryn sighed. Regina hated that look she gave her too, it was a look of pity, and the last thing she needed from her best friend was pity. “Do you still love her?”

“Very much.” Her voice was so quiet she wasn’t even sure if she had said the words aloud at all until Zelena cackled and Kathryn just smiled. “What?”

“Do you _want_ to be friends with Emma?”

“Kathryn--”

“Or do you want what you had before?” Kathryn questioned. “Have you told her that you’re still in love with her?”

“Yes.”

“And?” Kathryn was hanging on to each word and growing increasingly more impatient by the second. “Well? How did Emma respond to that? Did she tell you how she feels?”

“Yes.”

“Oh bloody hell, they’re still head over heels in love with each other! They’re both being complete idiots about this whole thing if you ask me.”

“Nobody asked you, Zelena!” Regina and Kathryn said together. It made Zelena laugh so hard the car nearly swerved and drove off the road.

Regina and Kathryn cried out in surprise when Zelena slammed on the brakes and then eased over to the shoulder on the side of the road. Zelena exhaled in her overly dramatic way as she unclipped her seatbelt and turned to look back at Regina.

“You are an idiot, sis.”

“We’ve established that many times,” Regina said with a roll of her eyes. “Why am I an idiot now, Zelena?”

“You know, I have to agree with her,” Kathryn said and she smiled before she continued, beckoning Regina with her hands to stay quiet and listen. “You are an idiot if you believe you and Emma can just be friends. You can’t. You two have too much of a connection, a spark, what have you. Only being friends is going to result in senseless heartbreak, and if you ask me, just a waste of your time and hers.”

“Let’s just be clear about one thing, both of you,” Regina said tightly. “Being friends was not my idea. It was hers. Now, I would appreciate it if you both would mind your own business and Zelena? Can we get back on the road, please?”

“I can assure you that Emma does not want to be friends either,” Zelena deadpanned. Upon Regina’s eye roll, she laughed before she continued, “Emma, as I am sure you know, has not moved on as one would think, especially after the way you just left her all those years ago. Emma is still very much holding a torch for you, sissy.”

Regina sighed. Asking Zelena to borrow her car and then allowing her to drive to Portland to pick Kathryn up had been a terrible idea.

“I don’t know whether you believe in true love, Regina, but she does,” Zelena said without missing a beat. “You are the one.”

“Just as Emma is the one for you,” Kathryn said pointedly.

“It is absolutely ridiculous that you both believe you can just be friends. I know you think that way too, Regina, because it is exactly what everyone else is thinking. Do you know why Emma even suggested such a ridiculous notion of you two being friends?”

“Enlighten me,” she said drolly. “Please, Zelena, since you seem to know everything, do tell me why Emma suggested we only be friends.”

“She’s worried that you aren’t ready to be with her again. She is worried you are too afraid to go down that road with her. Again. She’s trying to protect you.”

“She doesn’t need to protect me.” Regina looked down at her hands as she clenched them tight in her lap. “I want to be with her. I am in love with her. But--”

“You two are idiots in love,” Zelena said and laughed as Kathryn nodded a little too enthusiastically in agreement. “Why is it so hard for you two just to get back together when it is obvious you two are still so very much in love?” Zelena sighed and stared pointedly at Regina. “You two being friends is ridiculous because you are blatantly denying what is really there. Don’t you think you’ve done enough of that in the past, Regina? You spent years with Emma and denied you were ever anything more than just friends, but we all saw right through those lies and all those ridiculous stories and excuses you both used to make day in and day out.”

“To be fair, she never lied to me,” Kathryn piped up. Zelena rolled her eyes and Regina groaned as she buried her face into her hands. “Anyway, your point, Zelena? Why is it so ridiculous? I’m curious. I need to know more.”

“They can’t keep their hands or their lips off of each other,” Zelena laughed. “Oh, don’t give me that look, Regina,” she chortled as she and Kathryn just exchanged a look between them. “I know you two were practically dry humping in the kitchen yesterday while the rest of us were just outside.”

“We weren’t--”

“Denial is so beneath you, sis,” Zelena said and reached out to jab Regina in her knee. It was so unexpected that it made her jump and yelp in surprise. “Besides, don’t you know that Emma tells me everything, hmm?”

“Everything?”

“Well, bits and pieces, I just fill in the rest.”

“We were just kissing,” Regina said as she looked over at Kathryn. “Nothing else happened and I doubt anything else will happen now that we’re just--”

“Ridiculously trying to be friends?” Zelena finished for her. “You know, Emma regrets even suggesting it at all. You know how I know? She texted me.” Zelena held up her phone that was conveniently open to her conversation with Emma. She scrolled through for Regina to see but not slow enough for her to read, wall after all of the texts from Emma. “Most of these came in this morning after you left, Regina. She couldn’t focus on work because she was worried that she’d just ruined any chance you two had in getting back together by suggesting you be friends instead of just taking things slow, which, by the way, is just as bloody ridiculous if you ask me.”

“What do you suggest I do then, hmm?” Regina asked, and she didn’t mean to sound so snippy, but she was tired of this back and forth and she didn’t want to sit there on the shoulder of the road for any longer. “Well? I’m open to suggestions from both of you. Just tell me. Don’t hold back.”

Zelena laughed, “I personally never do.”

“We know.”

“You need to tell Emma that you don’t want to be friends,” Kathryn said quietly. “You need to tell her exactly how you feel about being friends, no matter how harsh it is. She needs to know you obviously feel the same way she does if what Zelena says is true. You need to go and get your woman back, Regina.”

“Now?”

“No, tomorrow,” Kathryn laughed. “Yes, now, Regina.” Kathryn reached over and poked Zelena hard in the shoulder. “Well? Get a move on, Zelena, Regina has a date with destiny and the sooner we get there, the sooner they can just go on with their lives together, just as they were meant to be right from the start.”

The next forty-five minutes it took to drive back to Storybrooke felt like the longest forty-five minutes of Regina’s life. Ten minutes after they were back on the road, Regina had received a call from her insurance company about her car and the accident. She distractedly answered the questions that she could after confirming--and little tall tale--that she knew and had given Kathryn permission to drive her vehicle through a couple of states.

Of course, because Kathryn was not on her insurance, the car and any repairs or replacement would not be fully covered under her insurance plan. Her premium would also go up when she acquired another vehicle.

But her mind wasn’t on any of that as she knew she could worry about all of it later. Her mind was focused solely on Emma Swan.

And putting an end to that ridiculousness of just being friends as soon as possible.

When they finally passed the “Welcome to Storybrooke” sign, Regina was growing antsy with anticipation of seeing Emma, of putting an end to their so-called notion of being friends, and it showed. Zelena was not shy in making a point of calling Emma to find out where she was without dropping any subtle hints as to why she was asking and once she found out that Emma was on her way home, she headed to First Street as fast as she could without breaking ten different laws.

The car had barely stopped along the curb outside of Emma’s house and Regina was already out of the car and marching straight up to the front door. She knocked once, twice, and then stepped back, her heart racing, her palms sweating, and waited.

“Regina?” Emma looked at her in surprise when she opened the door. “What are you--”

“We are not friends, Emma Swan,” she said as she took three steps to close the distance between them. “We have never been friends. We can’t be friends. It is absolutely ridiculous that you would think for one minute that is all we can be after all that we’ve been through together.”

“Regina--”

“I am in love with you,” she continued and she grabbed onto the collar of Emma’s plain white t-shirt and pulled her in close. “I know you are in love with me too, Emma Swan.”

“I am.”

“This nonsense about us being friends and only friends?” Regina said. Her breath hitched in her chest as Emma wrapped her arms around her with a smile. “It ends right here, right now. Okay?”

“Okay.”

And Regina kissed her with all that she had because it truly was nothing short of being ridiculous. Friends.

They could never just be friends.

And with the way that Emma kissed her back, she knew that they would never think that they could just be friends ever again.


	34. Chapter 34

A groan escaped past Regina’s lips as they both tried to ignore the sound of Zelena’s obnoxious honking. She could feel Emma’s smirk against her lips, but neither of them pulled back in an effort to end the kiss.

Emma tasted like mint toothpaste with a faint hint of coffee. It was _almost_ as distracting as Zelena honked the horn obnoxiously twice before she pulled away from the curb.

Almost. Not quite.

Regina all but melted into Emma’s embrace and into the deep, sensual kiss. She could feel how much Emma wanted her in that very moment and that? _That_ was distracting.

She felt another smirk against her lips, and then she felt Emma’s hands move from her hips and down along the curve of her backside. She gasped in surprise as Emma effortlessly lifted her up off of her feet and took a few stumbling steps towards the open door. Emma took a few more steps, kicking the front door shut behind her before she let Regina back down on her feet, not once breaking away from the deep, sensual kiss they had fallen into.

“You’re right,” Emma murmured against her lips and she backed Regina up against the door with a hard thud. “We’re not friends. We never could be friends.”

“Never.”

“This isn’t going to be easy, is it?”

“Nothing ever is, Emma,” she whispered and she looked down at where her hands were still balled up tight on the front of Emma’s shirt. She eased her grip and smoothed the wrinkled cotton down just under Emma’s collarbone before she smiled. “Are you all right, Emma?”

“Yes. You?”

“I meant with…all of this,” Regina faltered, her words failing her as she could only focus on the feel of Emma’s warm breath falling upon her lips and the feel of Emma’s hands on her hips. “With us not being friends.”

“Then what are we, Regina, if we aren’t friends?”

“Everything else. Everything we used to be. Everything that we are. Together.”

Emma laughed lightly and shook her head, her nose brushing gently against Regina’s just mere seconds before she captured Regina’s lips in another deep kiss. Regina slipped her hands over Emma’s shoulders and gripped on tightly. Possessively. She groaned as Emma pinned her up against the smooth wooden door and she rolled her hips forward as Emma’s grip grew tighter. Harder. Possessively.

It was an entirely new feeling for Regina when it came to Emma, and she suspected that Emma was experiencing that new feeling too. It was evident in the desperate nature of each kiss, desperate and raw. Needy. A yearning and a thirst for something only the other had in that very moment. Regina’s hands fell to Emma’s belt buckle and stopped at a small creak in the floor not too far away, and it was Emma who jerked her head back, ending the kiss abruptly.

“Awkward,” Henry muttered as he tried to sneak out of the kitchen and to his bedroom without being seen. “Uh, just pretend I’m not here. I’m definitely going to pretend I did not just see…that.”

“That?” Emma laughed and casually stepped away from Regina. “What does that mean, Hen?”

“You know what it means, Mom.”

Emma shook her head and walked over to him, snapping the headphones he had on his head. “What did we talk about, Henry?” she asked. “No electronics, kid. You’re grounded.”

“It ain’t even plugged into anything!” Henry snapped as he pulled the cord out of where it was tucked into his pants pocket. “See?”

“Then why--”

Henry shrugged. “I don’t know. Habit. Can I go to my room now?” he asked as he pulled his headphones back over his ears. “I’m grounded, remember?”

“Henry--” Emma tried, but he had already stormed off in his room and had slammed the door shut behind him before she could say another word. “Crap. Henry!”

“Leave me alone!”

Emma groaned as she lifted a hand, fist balled and ready to pound on his door and she stopped, frowning as she turned to look at Regina. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” she asked before she turned back to Henry’s door and knocked lightly. “Hen? What do you say we have pizza for dinner tonight?”

No answer. Emma sighed. Regina pushed off the front door, her heart still racing hard.

“Henry?” Emma tried again with another soft knock. “I’m going to run out, okay?” Still no answer. “I’ll be back in a little while with pizza, all right? Henry?”

“Whatever.”

It was better than the silence that had lingered before, Regina figured and she wanted nothing more than to walk up behind Emma and release the tension she could see settling over her shoulders.

“Do you want to come?” Emma asked suddenly as she turned on her heels as Regina was walking towards her. “Or do you not want to stay for dinner?”

“Pizza sounds nice.”

“Great,” Emma said with a smile. “I’ll just go grab my keys. Meet you outside?”

“Sure.”

Emma was on the phone by the time she joined Regina outside. She ordered an extra-large, deluxe with extra cheese and a side of cheesy garlic knots. Emma quickly ended the call and slipped her phone into her pocket before she stepped in front of Regina to unlock the passenger door.

It wasn’t until they had driven two blocks before Emma came to a stop at a stop sign and sighed heavily. Regina looked over at her, her hands fidgeting in her lap, and Emma’s frown deepened. Emma picked at the worn leather on the steering wheel for a moment before she eased on the gas, driving through the quiet intersection before pulling over to the side of the road.

“We had a fight when I got home from work,” Emma said. “Was kind of right in the middle of it when you knocked on the door.”

“I’m sorry.”

“This whole thing--it’s stressful. For both of us. Henry, he feels trapped and god, Regina, it’s only been a handful of days and he’s--” Emma choked up and scoffed. “I feel like a failure too. I failed him as a mother.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for any of it, Emma Swan,” Regina said as she reached out for Emma’s hand and gripped tight. “You did not fail him. Don’t think for one second that any of this is your fault. It isn’t.”

“I know that, I just--I don’t know how we’re going to get through any of this,” Emma sighed, tears slowly beginning to fall. “I called the station in Portland earlier, tried to get someone to talk to me about all of this. I even called the judge and let me tell you, that did not go over very well at all. He called me unprofessional.”

“Did you call him as the sheriff or as Henry’s mother?”

“Both?”

“Emma, I told you that I would handle this. You can’t interfere with--”

“I’m sorry!” Emma groaned. “Regina, it’s been days. We haven’t heard anything since we left on Saturday.”

“It’s also been a holiday,” Regina reminded her gently. “Sometimes these things just take time. We need to be very patient right now.”

“For Henry.”

“Yes. For Henry.” Regina paused. “What started the fight?”

“He wanted his phone back. I put it in my gun safe and caught him trying to crack the lock,” Emma replied and she half-laughed half-sighed. “He thinks I believe he’s guilty. I don’t think that, but until the charges are dropped, I can’t just let him do whatever the hell he wants, you know? He’s grounded.”

“Now I am not in any way taking his side, Emma, but we know he’s not guilty and while yes, he deserves to be punished for being involved in this whole mess, maybe it was a little too much of a punishment?”

“I let Robyn come over and stay,” Emma replied. “I’m not a complete monster.”

“Perhaps we can have a negotiation over pizza?” Regina suggested and winced at the odd look on Emma’s face she couldn’t quite read. “Emma, I’m not trying to overstep any boundaries, but I think that Henry being punished for far more than what he actually deserves is damaging.”

“He’s just bored, Regina. He’ll get over it.” Emma tapped the steering wheel a couple of times before she pulled away from the curb. “I just hate fighting with him, you know? Every time he starts getting mad, he reminds me of his father. Too much.”

“Henry is nothing like his father, Emma.”

“You haven’t seen it. You have no idea,” she sighed and she pulled over to the side of the road abruptly. “I’m sorry, Regina, but--”

“It’s true,” Regina finished for her. “I know. Maybe that will change?”

“Yeah,” Emma said and she smiled, relief showing in her eyes, but her shoulders were still very visibly tense. “So,” she said as she motioned to a store across the street, “when was the last time you’ve been inside Tony’s place?”

“I cannot remember. It’s been a very long time.”

“I bet it is even better than you remember. He’s changed the store a bit. It doesn’t look like a dive anymore.”

Silence filled the car, much like it had when they first got in a handful of minutes ago. Emma was the first to get out once she shifted the gear into park and turned off the engine. Regina followed, crossing the street quickly to catch up to Emma before they walked inside the small pizza shop.

The wait for the pizza wasn’t long, and Regina hung back while Emma stood by the pick-up counter talking to the owner of the establishment like they were old friends. It felt a little strange, not because she was out with Emma picking up pizza for dinner like they used to once in a while, but because they had fallen into the place they were in now so easily. She tried not to overthink it at all because the more she did, the more she questioned everything.

Instead, she turned her attention to the bulletin board on the wall by the door where people left business cards, flyers, and other notices. She half listened to the conversation Emma was engaged in and scanned her eyes over the flyers posted on the board. Garage sales, bake sales, some events for fundraising for the high school football team, cars and trucks for sale, and several listings for the same rentals she’d seen in the paper that morning.

Regina checked her phone as Emma continued to talk with the pizza shop owner about his daughter, who was Henry’s age but from the sounds of it the two teenagers were not friends nor were they in the same circle of friends. She had several emails from Anita confirming a few details over some of her clients her colleagues had taken over and she made a mental note to get back to her before it got too late. She even checked her voice mail even though the icon didn’t show that she had any new ones, and she sighed in frustration as she slipped her phone into her pocket just as Emma picked up the box of pizza with a triumphant grin.

“Ready?” Emma asked as Regina opened the door and nodded. “Let’s go home.”

[X]

Dinner was quiet. Henry didn’t say a word and he still wore his headphones as he ate quickly and then excused himself to his room when Emma tried to talk to him about the fight they’d had before Regina showed up at the door.

Regina did the dishes without waiting for Emma to offer to do them first, washing up the plates while Emma stood by her side, ready to dry with the tea towel she had in her hands. They didn’t talk. There were no flirtatious looks between them. No none-too-subtle touches exchanged. It felt like they had taken a dozen steps back in the last hour and a half and if left Regina feeling very conflicted.

She knew she wasn’t dealing with any of her emotions well and that when she started on that spiral, it was hard to stop. Already she was doubting her choice in declaring to Emma that they were not friends. It didn’t matter that Emma had agreed nor did it matter that they had been kissing and had been caught, yet again, because those doubts of hers were coming back tenfold.

Emma yawned loudly as she dried the last plate and made no attempt in trying to stifle the second yawn that followed. It was clear Emma was beyond exhausted and she too was feeling that exhaustion settling into place. She dried her hands and picked her phone up off the counter before she turned to Emma with a sad smile.

“I should go,” she said quietly. “And you should get to bed, Emma. You’re dead on your feet.”

“I’m fine.” Another yawn. “Stay for a little bit?” Emma asked. “We can just, you know, watch some TV for a bit or something. Talk, maybe? We definitely need to talk.”

“Yes, we do, but preferably when you aren’t exhausted, Emma.”

“Like I told you, I’m fine,” she said and forced a smile through the yawn that quickly followed. “I--I didn’t sleep much last night, and it’s been a long day, but I--I just want to sit and be with you. We don’t have to talk or do anything, we can just…be.”

“Just be?”

“Yeah,” Emma smiled and it was so full of hope that it was making it harder for Regina to say no. “What do you say, Regina?”

“I’ll stay, but,” she said with a pause as Emma’s grin grew wider, “only for a little while. The town deserves a well-rested sheriff who can do her job and not one who can barely function because she’s not getting the rest she deserves and needs.”

Emma playfully rolled her eyes and took both of Regina’s hands in hers. “Yeah, okay,” she laughed lightly. “I can sleep after you leave. After all, you’re only staying for a little while, right?”

“Yes.”

“You’re still not going to take me up on that offer to stay here, are you?”

“Emma--”

“I know,” she said with a groan. “We’re not there yet. Uh, just to be clear, we’re not doing the friend’s thing, right?” Upon Regina’s stifled roll of her eyes, Emma laughed a little and continued, “but we’re not jumping into this, are we?”

“No. I don’t think that is wise.”

“So, where does that leave us?”

“Emma, I thought we weren’t talking tonight?”

“I’m--I just want to be clear on where we stand, Regina. Can you at least humor me for a minute here?” Emma asked. “Where do we stand?”

“Currently? In your kitchen,” Regina laughed lightly. “In all seriousness, Emma, I think not jumping back into things together is the best way to go about things. We know how we feel, and it is pretty obvious we both want to be together, but,” she said and paused as Emma’s eyes went wide, disappointment already settling in. “But, I think we do need to ease back into things, Emma, and take things slow.”

“What does that mean to you?” Emma asked. “We date? We…get to know each other all over again? We wait until the third date until we have sex? We wait a year or something before you move back in? I need to know what this means to you before we go forward.”

Regina laughed at the frown that settled into place after Emma mentioned sex. “I think we just take things day by day, Emma. No expectations. No pressure,” she said and it took everything in her to fight the urge to just kiss that silly frown off of Emma’s lips. “One day at a time. Do you think we can do that?”

“Okay.”

It was the second easy answer she’d received from Emma that night. She had to admire Emma’s approach as it was far different than her own. It had always been that way with Emma being the more easy-going and go with the flow type and she was quite the opposite. She still was, in ways, but she knew at that moment that it had to change. The whole rest of her life was changing, and that meant her approach in her newfound relationship with Emma Swan would have to be far different than it had been thus far, just as it needed to be different than it had been before, too.

They _did_ need to talk, but talking about everything wasn’t easy, nor was it impossible. Yet, Regina just wasn’t quite ready to really break everything apart and talk about exactly where they went from there or how they could get over the pain and heartbreak in their past that lingered still.

Wordlessly they left the kitchen and settled onto the couch in the living room, Emma on one end with her feet up on the middle cushion and Regina on the other. Emma reached for the remote, trying to fight off her yawns as she turned on the TV and started aimlessly flipping through the channels.

Regina wanted to tell Emma just to go to bed as she watched her fight to keep her eyes open. She didn’t though, and instead, all she did do was gently lift Emma’s bare feet into her lap and gently began to rub her feet. She didn’t even realize what she was doing until she heard the moan slip past Emma’s lips and she stared down at Emma’s feet in her lap and stilled her hands.

“Don’t stop,” Emma whispered. “That feels good.”

“Does it?”

“Can’t remember the last time I had my feet rubbed like this,” Emma moaned as Regina started to massage the arches with the pads of her thumbs. “You keep that up and I’ll never let you leave, Regina.”

“Is that so?”

“Mm, yeah.”

Regina laughed and continued to massage Emma’s feet. It was almost impossible to focus because every time she hit a spot that was just right, Emma would moan and it sent shockwaves of arousal coursing through Regina’s body.

After a solid ten minutes, Regina could barely hold back her own moans at the noises that slipped past Emma’s lips. She didn’t let up either, but her mind was drifting elsewhere. All she could now think about was what would’ve happened had Henry not interrupted them earlier, and the thought of all the things that that kiss against the door could’ve led to made her panties feel damp.

And when she turned to look up at Emma, she cursed under her breath when she found Emma was teetering on the edge of sleep. Her eyes were closed, one hand firmly gripping the remote and the other resting on her stomach where her t-shirt had started to ride up a little. Regina frowned as she stilled her fingers, and after a few seconds, Emma opened her eyes and frowned.

“Why did you stop?”

“You need to go to bed, Emma.”

“But--”

“You’ve been fighting this losing battle over sleep ever since we got back with dinner. You need to get some rest, and please, I ask you just this once to listen and to stop fighting with me over this.”

“Okay.”

Emma made no move to pull her feet out of Regina’s lap, but she did turn off the TV and stretched out her arms. She yawned, albeit a little too loudly, and sat up as she smiled over at Regina. She reached out and grabbed ahold of Regina’s hands, pulling her in a little closer, the angle a bit awkward until Regina shifted and turned her body more into Emma’s to meet her halfway for a soft, lingering kiss.

“Where are you staying tonight?”

“At my mother’s house.”

Emma frowned. “You and I both know that is the last place you want to be,” she said softly. “Uh, the offer to stay here is still open, so if you want to stay, you are more than welcome to. It’s still technically your house too.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Regina--”

“We’re not arguing about this now or ever, do you understand?” she asked. She sighed heavily and looked down at Emma’s legs draped over her lap. “I am going to stay at my mother’s house tonight. The inn should have some rooms available by tomorrow. I will stay there until I find a place of my own to stay.”

“What kind of place are you looking for?” Emma asked. “A rental or--?”

“The rentals here in town are a disgrace.”

“Yeah, they kind of are.”

“I’ve already talked with Robert Gold. There is a house for sale just outside of town.”

“The old Levingston farm?” Emma asked and Regina nodded slowly. “It’s been abandoned for like a year. It needs a lot of work.”

“I’ll have plenty of time on my hands once Henry’s charges are dropped to do whatever needs to be done _if_ I decided to buy the house.”

Emma laughed awkwardly. “Right,” she said after a beat. “It’s a big house, though. What are you going to do with all that house and all that land?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet, Emma. I haven’t even had a viewing yet or decided what I am going to be doing, but as of right now, that place is the only option if I am going to stay here in Storybrooke.”

“For how long?”

“Indefinitely.”

Emma looked a little confused and bewildered, almost as if she could not believe that Regina was planning to stay now that she was there in Storybrooke. Despite her already knowing this, it never failed to pull that look out and one she wore so boldly.

It was a look, like many others, Regina had known so well before, and it seemed that though many things had changed over the years, Emma pulling down her walls and baring her emotions and thoughts so openly was not one of those things that changed.

It was comforting, in a way, because this was a part of her past she had clung onto for years and years. This was exactly what she’d be chasing and failing to find in anyone else.

Not finding that had been one reason why she turned to alcohol. It had numbed the pain of her broken and empty heart. It chased away those very thoughts she was having now, the regrets, the guilt, the yearning.

[X]

She was still thinking about Emma hours later. They had left a lot unsaid when she’d left, and Emma had all but given up on trying to convince her to stay a little while longer or even for the night. She didn’t leave until Emma dragged herself into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. She had made sure to say goodbye to Henry, who was sulking in his room and flipping through some comic books on his bed when she’d knocked on his door.

It caught her by surprise that she found Kathryn and Zelena sitting in the kitchen and chatting over a cup of tea. Like old friends. Surely Kathryn would’ve told her that she was friends with Zelena, wouldn’t she? She hadn’t. Another little surprise that left Regina feeling rather thrown off. The reality of what the last ten years had really done to her life hit her hard.

It felt like the whole world was being pulled out from under her feet.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” she said to Kathryn. “Was it really necessary to leave like that?” A question she directed at her sister. Pointedly.

“You’re welcome,” Zelena laughed. “Tea?”

“No, thank you.”

“Zee and I were just catching up over a cup of tea. We didn’t think you’d be here tonight,” Kathryn said and smirked at Regina before she turned to Zelena. They both laughed a little _too_ hard. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with Emma?”

“Should I?”

“They’re taking it slow,” Zelena muttered and rolled her eyes. “Plain stupid idea if you ask me.”

“I didn’t,” Regina said tightly. “Why is everything about sex?”

“When isn’t everything about sex?” Zelena replied. “We aren’t getting any younger, are we? Enjoy it while it lasts. Besides, even I know this is the last place you want to be right now, so why are you here?”

 _I have nowhere else to go_ , was the first thought but she knew it was a lie. She did. She’d known it all along even though she’d been trying to convince herself otherwise. She could’ve just stayed at Emma’s house--their house. _Home_. She just wasn’t there yet and she just wasn’t ready to really go back home.

“My things are here.”

Zelena rolled her eyes. “Right. Of course.”

“They are.”

“I put your things upstairs,” Kathryn said quietly. “Zelena tried to stop me.”

“Only because you and I both know she won’t be here for long,” Zelena quipped. “You know, Regina, you are just lucky that Mother isn’t home right now. Could you imagine what she’d say?”

Regina rolled her eyes. She didn’t have the energy to have this discussion with her sister. Every time she had a conversation with her sister, it left her feeling absolutely drained.

“Where is Mother anyway?” Regina asked. “Is she out with her friends?”

“She’s at the country club for the evening. Speaking of which, I have to leave shortly to pick her up,” Zelena replied and she looked over at Kathryn. “Do you want to come along with me and I’ll drop you off at your father’s house on the way?”

“I’m not staying with my father,” Kathryn replied. Regina knew just from the look of disbelief on Kathryn’s face that she had no idea where she would be staying. “Regina--”

“You are more than welcome to stay here,” Regina said. “I’m sure my mother wouldn’t mind if you stayed in the guest room.”

“Actually, I was thinking of getting a room at the inn. I wouldn’t dare impose.”

“That is a great idea,” Regina said sarcastically. “Well, it _would_ be a great idea if they had any available rooms. Why else do you think I’m here?”

“Oh.”

“Well, do make a decision,” Zelena implored. “I have to go pick up Mother shortly.”

“I’ll stay here, just for the night,” Kathryn replied. “It’ll be like old times, hmm?

Regina raised an eyebrow and laughed. As children and as teenagers, Kathryn spent the majority of her time there at the Mills’ house and most weekends she’d stay over if only just to get out of her father’s house. She loathed staying at that house just as Regina loathed staying there at her mother’s house now.

“Yes, like old times,” Regina said with a small laugh and ignored the obvious eye roll from Zelena.

She tried to ignore the nagging thought that cohabitating with Kathryn was a bad idea. She also tried to ignore that feeling that was still lingering, the one where the whole world had been pulled out from under her feet.

“Well, aren’t you going to go pick up Mother, Zelena?” Regina asked, her voice mockingly sweet. Zelena rolled her eyes again and finished the tea left in her cup before she stood up.

“You are the biggest bloody idiot in the world, aren’t you?” Zelena asked as she stared down at Regina with daggers in her eyes. “You come back home, but you don’t actually go _home_.” Zelena continued to stare down at her when Regina didn’t respond. “Oh, don’t give me that look or even try to convince me that I am wrong when I say that house Emma and Henry live in is still your home. You belong there, not here.”

“It has not been my home for a very long time, Zelena.”

“Your name is still on the deed, isn’t it?”

“Actually it isn’t,” Regina replied and she had to fight to keep the smug smirk off her face because Zelena looked taken back by surprise. “It doesn’t matter anymore, does it? That house hasn’t been my home since I left. Just because I am back does not mean that I can just move right back in.”

“Emma wants you to.”

“To move back in?” Regina scoffed. “Hardly. She offered me a place to stay if I wanted. She offered and I declined respectfully. I don’t know what kind of ideas you have in your head, Zelena, but--”

“Oh, right, you two are taking things slow, aren’t you?” Zelena muttered. “Whatever. It is your life, sis. You want to waste time, go right ahead, but neither you or Emma are getting any younger.”

“Don’t let her get to you,” Kathryn said as soon as Zelena had breezed out of the kitchen in a huff. “She’s just rooting for you two to get back together.”

“We are back together.”

“You say it as if you aren’t so sure.”

“It feels very complicated, Kathryn,” Regina replied and sighed as she moved to sit on the stool her sister had been on a few minutes earlier. “I want to be able to just fall back into this with Emma, but I fear if we do, things will just become very messy.”

“For who? You?”

“For both of us.”

“Do you ever miss the days when things were a lot easier and a lot less messy?” Kathryn asked. “I sure do. I miss the life I had before Fred and I decided to move to Tokyo. It was the catalyst that broke our marriage apart. A blessing in disguise, sure, but before that, we were obliviously happy together and living our lives together blissfully oblivious.”

“I wish I was still blissfully oblivious. Since when are you and Zelena friends, Kathryn?”

“We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“You never told me that.”

“You never wanted to hear about anything or anyone here in Storybrooke. I didn’t think it mattered whether we were friends or not,” Kathryn replied. “She’s not like she used to be, that’s for sure. I think you’d be pleasantly surprised at who Zelena is friends with.”

“Yes, surprised is one word that I’d use.”

“Regina,” Kathryn said carefully and reached out for one of her hands. “I know it’s hard to believe all the things that have changed since you’ve been gone, but now that you’re back, you should know how things really are now.”

“I’m starting to see these changes for myself though I wish they wouldn’t make me feel like this,” she said quietly and she felt her tears burning in her eyes. “I feel…guilty.”

“Why?”

“Because I wasn’t here. Because I didn’t care enough to want to know about any of you. Even my father knew not to talk about anyone. Now I am starting to wish that he had. I’m starting to wish that he had gone against my wishes and just told me.”

“Your father loved you too much to go against your wishes not to know anything. As did I. There was no way I was ever going to bring up the things you didn’t want to hear. Do you remember the first time I tried? The _only_ time?” Kathryn asked and laughed lightly as she held on to Regina’s hand with one and rubbed the top with the other. “I don’t think we spoke for six months when I tried to tell you about Henry’s school play he did when he was seven. He still asked about you, wanted to know if you would come to see him in the play. The play was a disaster, though, but he and his classmates were absolutely adorable.”

“Kathryn, I don’t want to hear about it now either. I feel guilty enough as it is.”

“I’m sorry.”

Regina pulled her hand free from Kathryn’s grip and wiped at the tears as they fell. Her cellphone buzzed once, and she turned her attention to it and to her inbox she hadn’t checked all day. Over two dozen emails that had gone unread, but it was the most recent one that caught her eye, and she quickly opened it.

_Ms. Mills,_

_This is Detective Pryce and I apologize for not returning your call. I wanted to write to you immediately to inform you that your client, Henry Swan, will have all charges currently against him dropped. The investigation has been closed as there were inconclusive findings in relation to your client’s charges._

_There has been another development, which I will be contacting you about over the phone tomorrow morning to discuss further. Two witnesses who were present that night have come forward. Their statements match that of your client’s and further prove his innocence._

_I have attached the necessary documents for you to review and to sign off on. The sooner these documents are signed, the sooner your client can be cleared by the judge. Unfortunately, with the holiday that just passed, the earliest we will be able to have a formal hearing to drop these charges against your client will be on Monday, given I receive these documents by 9pm tonight._

_All conditions against your client will still be in effect until the charges are formally dropped by the judge._

_On behalf of myself and my colleagues, we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused for your client. If you have any further questions or concerns, please email me. The phone lines are down at the station here today, so this is the only means of communication for the time being. I will be in touch first thing tomorrow morning._

_Regards,_

_Detective J. Pryce_


	35. Chapter 35

There wasn’t much for her to do a three in the morning, really.

A few hours of restless sleep had led to her finishing the paperwork instead of succumbing to the demons that were taunting and teasing her yet again. All she had to do was wait for the courthouse to return her call. Time seemed to slow right down as she waited. And waited.

The anxiety that followed had only led her to text Emma at 4:17am. A text that went unanswered for a couple of hours. It had been that read receipt that had that anxiety gnawing at her. It was suffocating.

The need to get out, to get fresh air, to distract her mind, was a blessing in disguise.

The fresh air gave way to opening her mind up to new thoughts, different thoughts, positive ones. She walked through the quiet streets of Storybrooke at seven in the morning taking in every sight and sound--or lack thereof--as if it was the first time. It did feel as if it were the first time she walked through those ever-familiar streets she still knew as well as the back of her own hand. Everything was different even if some things were still very much the same, and that very thought left her in awe.

She found herself on the corner of First Street not long after she’d left the house. She could see Emma’s yellow Bug parked in the driveway and the side light on. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and frowned when she saw that Emma still hadn’t texted her or even attempted to call her yet.

Her feet seemed to be moving on their own accord and brought her to the house she’d once called home. Muscle memory, she decided as she stood at the end of the driveway and stared up at the small bungalow. She looked back down at her phone open to the text she’d sent Emma and frowned deeper as she saw the three dots indicating that Emma was typing appear, disappear, appear, and disappear again.

And then nothing. No response.

It only caused her anxiety to grow as she lifted a hand to gnaw at her thumbnail for a few seconds before she was marching up to the side door. The light switched off just as she raised her hand to knock, and it made her jump a little as it caught her by surprise. It also meant that Emma was right on the other side of that very door. She knocked three times quietly.

She expected Emma to open the door within seconds, but that didn’t happen at all, and she groaned, her frown deepening, and she knocked three times again, each one a little harder than the last. She was about to knock for the fourth time when she heard the door unlock and she stopped, dropping her hand quickly before the door was pulled open.

“Regina?” Emma looked at her in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“You never responded to my text.”

Emma laughed nervously. “You sent that text at four in the morning. I just got up not too long ago. I haven’t had the chance to, you know, respond or call you like you asked me to,” she said. She had a towel in her hand and lifted it to dry her wet hair.

“I’m sorry,” Regina said quietly as her excitement began to bubble up inside of her tenfold. “I have some news that I wanted to tell you and Henry.”

“Good news?” Emma asked, and upon Regina’s smile and nod, she pulled the door open a little wider. “Come in. Coffee is almost ready.”

“Is Henry awake by any chance?”

“No,” Emma chuckled as they walked into the kitchen together. “It’s still too early for him to be up. It’s summer, after all. Guess he deserves to sleep in while he still has that luxury, huh?”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Regina replied. “I think he’ll want to be up for the news I have for both of you.”

“What kind of news? Did you hear back from the detective?”

“I did, yes.”

“And?”

“And I’d like Henry to be here when I tell you. I want to tell you both what the detective told me in the email I received last night.”

“Is that why you text me at four o’clock asking me to call you?” Emma asked as she grabbed a couple of mugs out of the cupboard and placed them down on the counter with a heavy sigh. “So, it wasn’t a booty call?”

“No,” Regina said and couldn’t help but laugh at the disappointed look on Emma’s face. “Were you expecting a booty call from me?”

“I don’t know what to expect with you anymore, Regina.”

Together they made their coffee, Regina retrieving the milk and cream from the refrigerator while Emma poured the freshly made coffee into each mug. It felt much like their old routine when they were both home in the morning at the same time, and it left Regina feeling like missing pieces of her heart were slowly starting to come back together, piece by piece.

“Do you want to go sit out back?” Emma asked as she lifted her mug with both hands and took a tentative sip. “The AC isn’t working right today. I don’t know why,” she said and frowned as she pulled at the hem of her white tank top that was clearly sticking to her skin. “I’m gonna have to call Marco and see if he can help fix the damn thing.”

“Sure. It’s a beautiful morning,” Regina replied as she too picked up her mug and waited for Emma to lead the way. “You have to leave shortly for work, don’t you?”

“I’m the sheriff, I can show up a little bit late when I want to.”

“Is this something you do regularly?”

“It depends on the day,” Emma laughed. She led the way out the back door and settled down at the small patio table. “Jones was working alone last night. I really hate dealing with him without Booth around.”

“Is he always a problem?”

“More of an annoyance than a problem. I figured out how to keep the peace. The less I have to see and deal with him, the better.”

“Perhaps you should find a way to get rid of him entirely.”

“He does his job, he’s just a jerk. I can deal with him.” Emma paused to sip her coffee and smiled at Regina. “So, what’s the good news? It is good news, isn’t it?”

“Yes and I’ll tell you when Henry is awake to hear it too.”

“I’ll go wake up him up and--”

“Why don’t we just finish our coffee first, Emma?”

Emma frowned as she looked down at her steaming mug of coffee. “Okay,” she said slowly and narrowed her eyes at Regina before she continued, “I don’t get it. You texted me a four in the morning asking me to call you, and then you show up here with good news that you won’t tell me until Henry is awake to hear it too, so what gives?”

“It wasn’t exactly intentional that I showed up here.”

“So, your feet just what, walked over here? Muscle memory or something?”

Regina laughed. “Yes,” she said and Emma laughed too. “Emma, I--”

“You don’t need some excuse to come over here, you know,” Emma said quickly. “You’re welcome here any time, Regina.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Emma smiled at her. “You’re welcome.”

It was Emma who reached out for her hand first, and she smiled at Regina as she intertwined their fingers languidly, their hands dropping in the small space between their chairs. It was Emma who lifted their hands and placed a small kiss to the space just below Regina’s knuckles, and it was Emma who stroked her thumb over Regina’s before she leaned over to place a soft and lingering kiss on Regina’s cheek just shy of her lips.

“You’re still as beautiful as ever,” Emma whispered. “How is that possible?”

“I--”

“Mom?”

The sound of Henry’s voice put a sudden and unexpected end to the moment that had been building up between them. Emma sighed as she let go of Regina’s hand and turned to look at the back door just as Henry opened it and stepped outside.

“Mom, is the AC not working again?”

“Sorry, kid,” she said apologetically. “I’ll call Marco when I get to work and see if he can come around today and fix it.”

“Okay, cool,” he said with a tired grunt. “Hey, Regina.”

“Good morning, Henry. Come and sit for a moment,” she said as she pointed to the empty chair on the other side of his mother. “I have something I would like to tell you both.”

“Good news?” Henry asked. “Is that why you’re here so early?”

“Yes.”

“So?” he asked as he sat down, suddenly more awake than he’d been less than a minute ago. “What is the good news? Did you hear back from the detective?”

“I did. Detective Pryce said the investigation came back with inconclusive findings relating to your charges.”

“So, I’m off the hook?”

“Yes,” she said with a small laugh at the pure joy that showed on Henry’s face. “Your charges, all of them, are going to be dropped. I was also informed that there have been witness statements submitted that support your innocence. I believe your friends you originally met up with that night came forward and did the right thing.”

“I feel like there is a really big but in there somewhere,” Emma said. “What is it?”

“I’m waiting to hear back from the courthouse regarding a hearing that will formally drop all charges against Henry. I’m hoping that it’ll happen as soon as tomorrow, but if for some reason that isn’t possible, he won’t have the charges dropped until Monday.”

“What will that mean if we have to wait until Monday?” Emma asked as she put up a hand to stop Henry from saying a word. “All conditions will still apply until then?”

“Yes, unfortunately, but I am hoping for the best. The courthouse should be in contact with me sometime this morning to confirm his hearing.”

“But I’ve been found innocent, right?” Henry asked. “I’m a free man?”

“Essentially, yes, you are a free man, but not entirely just yet, dear,” Regina said and Henry laughed and let out a whoop of joy. “You still have to follow your bail conditions until that bracelet is removed. You can still be in violation of your bail terms regardless of your innocence. You cannot be a free man until the judge signs off on all of your current charges to be formally dropped.”

“You aren’t a man yet, kid,” Emma said as she playfully poked him in the shoulder. “Stop trying to grow up so fast, okay?”

“I’m going to be sixteen in a month,” he countered. “Well, a little more than a month, but you know, whatever. Aren’t you even going to ask me what I want for my birthday yet, Mom?”

“You’re not getting a car,” Emma said pointedly. “End of discussion.”

“We haven’t even had this discussion.”

“And we’re not having it, period. Just drop it, Hen, it’s not happening.”

“But I’m gonna be the only one who doesn’t have a car when school starts in September. Do you know how embarrassing that is gonna be when I show up without a car?”

“I never had a car at sixteen,” Emma said and Henry scoffed. “What?”

“You stole the Bug, Mom. You weren’t much older than me.”

“I didn’t--you know what, you’re right,” she sighed. “I wasn’t much older than you, but I also didn’t have any parents to teach me that driving is a privilege, not a right. Same goes with a car. If you want one, kid, you gotta earn it. I suggest you get a job. You got what, nine weeks until school starts up again to save up every penny you can earn and buy yourself a nice little beater, yeah?”

“Eight weeks,” Henry muttered. “And how the hell am I supposed to get a job, Mom? There aren’t any jobs in town. Remember? I applied for several of them back in May when everyone was hiring for the summer months and had no luck.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, kid, but you’ll figure it out. You’re resourceful.”

“You did a wonderful job cleaning up back here,” Regina said and Henry beamed, proud of his hard work and the recognition from her. “You should offer your services. I know there would be plenty of people in town that would appreciate a landscaper.”

“Don’t twelve-year-old’s cut lawns because they’re not old enough to legally work at an actual job?” Henry laughed. “I did that one summer. It was miserable.”

“You were thirteen when you did that,” Emma said pointedly. “And you didn’t even spend the whole summer doing it either, Henry. Two weeks in and you decided to quit.”

“It was hot that summer, Mom! I was dying out there.”

“Summer is supposed to be hot,” Emma chuckled. “And you weren’t dying. Stop being so overly dramatic, kid. Leave that to Aunt Zee, yeah?”

“It is an option,” Regina said and took a sip of her coffee, watching as Henry sat and contemplated the idea. “You could get your friends to help. Start up your own little business. You could make some decent money and still keep your clients when school starts.”

“Yeah but how long would that last? Until it snows? Then what?”

“Well, there will need to be a cleanup of all the leaves when they start falling, and then you can offer snow shoveling services to the clients you pick up over the coming months. There are a lot of opportunities to branch out from mowing people’s lawns, dear.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Emma said. “What do you think, Hen?”

“I don’t know. Like you said, Regina, it’s an option, and I really don’t have any other options unless Granny fires Nick from his dishwashing job and I apply for that, but I really don’t want to do that.”

“If Granny would even hire you,” Emma countered and Regina glared at her and then smiled over at Henry.

“Why don’t you talk to your friends and see what they think about starting up a small business with you, hmm? I can help you with some of the formalities. You will need insurance and--”

“Flyers to drum up business,” he said excitedly. “I can do that. I can draw them up and start posting them all around town. But,” he said, a frown sliding into place, “what if nobody calls me for my services? I don’t have any references and--”

“You got me,” Emma said as she pointed at herself proudly. “I’ll be an excellent reference, kid. You’ll have so many clients you won’t know what to do with all the money you start raking in.”

“Yeah, great. My mom is my only reference. That’s awesome.”

“Watch the sarcasm, kid. Don’t speak to your mother like that.” Emma was firm as she stared at her son and then poked him in the shoulder again. “Regina had a great idea. Don’t sound so ungrateful, okay? Give it a shot and see what happens. You’ve got literally nothing to lose.”

“Except for not making enough money to buy a shitty car.”

“A shitty car is better than no car.”

“So, if I save up enough money, you’ll let me buy a car before school starts?”

“We’ll talk about it when you actually have the money for a car, okay, kid?” Emma replied and he groaned but nodded without protesting further. “I need to get ready for work,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I want you to clean the house today. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, okay? I want it spotless by the time I get home later.”

“You want me to clean the house when the AC isn’t working?”

“Put a couple of fans on,” Emma said with a shrug. She stood up and took a few sips from her mug. “Will you call me if you hear from the courthouse?” she asked Regina.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Henry, I’m serious about--”

“I know, Mom,” he groaned. “The house will be spotless by the time you get home, don’t worry, okay?”

“I always worry.”

“I know. It’s your job.”

“One of many as your mother,” Emma laughed and she ruffled his hair before she turned to Regina. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yes. Have a wonderful day, Emma.”

“You too.” Emma turned to Henry again and pointed at him. “House. Spotless. No excuses, okay?”

“I _know_ , Mom, jeez.”

Regina watched as Emma walked back into the house and she found it hard to stop smiling just as she found it next to impossible to stop wishing that she had kissed Emma goodbye just as they always used to when one of them left for work. She looked over at Henry and the look on his face was what wiped that smile off of hers in an instant.

“You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?” Henry asked quietly. “I know. She is too,” he added quickly. “So, why aren’t you guys together?”

“We are.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“It’s complicated, Henry,” Regina said quietly. “I don’t think this is something I should be talking about with you.”

“Why not? I’m not a little kid anymore, you know? I understand love and relationships and stuff. I know that when two people feel the way you and Mom feel about each other that you should be together and make things work out.”

Henry might not be a child anymore, but he was still innocent when it came to love. Regina wasn’t going to burst his little bubble and decided to humor him instead.

“We are trying to make things work, dear. We’re taking things slow.”

“Why? You sure as hell weren’t taking things slow the other day.”

“When you are--when you fall in love, Henry, you’ll better understand how things just happen to happen when it is least expected,” she said as she carefully tried to choose her words. Upon his dejected look, she frowned and asked, “have you ever been in love before?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand it. I saw you and Mom together for years, and I saw how you two just were. I didn’t understand for a long time why you two kept it a big secret, but I get it now. I do.”

“Do you?”

“I guess,” he said with a small shrug. “You were afraid of what other people would think. That’s what Mom told me, anyway.”

“That was part of it,” Regina replied and stared down into her mug for a moment. “I was a coward. I was too scared to live my life the way I wanted to, the way that made me happy. I loved your mother dearly. I still do, but things are different now.”

“Yeah, they are, aren’t they?” Henry chuckled. “Nobody cares if you and mom are lesbians or whatever.”

“I never said that I was a lesbian, dear.”

“You’re not?” Henry asked and Regina shook her head no. “So, what are you then?”

“Just me. I believe labels are ridiculous.” Regina paused as she looked over at Henry and he looked more confused than ever. “If you must put a label on me, dear, I suppose you could say what I am is bisexual.”

“So, you’ve been with men?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” he replied with a small cringe. “Weird.”

“Why is it weird?”

“Because I always thought you were, you know, gay because you and Mom were together and everything. I don’t know, maybe you’re right. Labels are ridiculous.” Henry fidgeted with the single string tied on his left wrist, something she hadn’t noticed him wearing before now, and frowned. “Uh, do you want to stay for a bit?”

“You want me to stay here with you?”

Henry shrugged. “Yeah, I missed you, Gina.”

“I’ve missed you too, my little prince.”

Henry laughed as he continued to fidget with the red string on his wrist. “I remember when you used to call me that all the time,” he said and he sighed heavily. “Mom tried it a few times after you left, but it wasn’t the same, and I would get so mad at her.” Henry leaned back in his chair and wiped at the few tears that suddenly started to fall from his eyes. “I was too young to understand why you left us. I was so mad, too. I kind of get it now though, but I still wish you never left.”

“I made a mistake, Henry,” Regina admitted quietly. “I’m sorry for hurting you, too.”

“Well, I’m over it now,” he replied. “I mean, I get it now, why you left. Mom told me a few years after what happened with you two. All those little things really do add up, don’t they?”

“In some ways, yes they do, but I wasn’t happy. That had a lot to do with it. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

“No, I guess it isn’t, is it?”

“As I said, I made a mistake, and for a long time, I feared it was far too late to fix it.”

“And now?”

“I still fear it is too late to fix my mistakes. All I can do is try to start over again. Not just with your mother, but with you as well. Do you think we can do that? Do you think you can give me a second chance, my little prince?”

“Yeah, of course,” he replied without hesitation and quickly wiped away a few more tears that fell free. “You’ll always be my other mom, Gina,” he said softly. “Nothing will ever change that.”

“Henry,” Regina stammered, her voice wavering with pure, raw emotion. He quickly moved to sit in the chair next to her and reached out to hug her. “You have no idea what that means to me to hear you say that.”

“I have an idea,” Henry chuckled. He held on tight, though, and Regina wrapped her arms around him, holding him just as tightly even if the angle was a little awkward. Henry pulled back a moment later and reached up to wipe away Regina’s tears. “I mean it, Gina. You’ve always been my other mom. Right from the very beginning. Even now.”

“I don’t--I’m not--”

“When are you coming back home?”

For a moment there, Henry sounded like he was five years old again, and it just broke her heart to see him looking at her like she held his whole world in her very hands. She got up from her chair and pulled him up to his feet and hugged him properly. It felt a little strange because he was taller than her now, but he hugged her back much like he used to when he was very little.

“You’re not coming back home, are you?”

“Henry--”

“Why?” Henry demanded as he leaned back but didn’t drop his arms from around her. “Why won’t you come home?”

“It’s--”

“Complicated?” he scoffed and he stepped back from her then with a shake of his head. “Why is it complicated? You and Mom are back together, aren’t you? This is your house, too, Regina.”

“It’s not my house anymore, Henry.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Henry--”

“You’re back home in Storybrooke but you don’t even have a place to live.”

“I’m staying with my mother.”

“But that’s not your home, is it? Not anymore.”

“Henry,” she said, her voice firm but soft. “Despite the fact that your mother and I are back together, we’re still taking things slow, all right? I know you can’t quite understand what that means exactly, but we are nowhere near the point of living together again just yet.”

“Well, how long is that gonna take?”

“I don’t know,” she said and she couldn’t help but laugh as she reached up to push aside his shaggy hair away from his eyes and forehead. “Now, why don’t we go inside and get started with cleaning? It’d be best if you got things done before it gets too hot out.”

“You’re going to help me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to do something to occupy my time while I wait for the courthouse to call me back about your hearing, dear,” she replied. Henry groaned quietly but followed her to the house a moment later. “Now, why don’t you vacuum and I’ll wash the floors, and then we’ll figure out how to split the rest of the chores together afterward, hmm?”

“Okay, but--”

“And,” she continued as they walked into the kitchen together and she left the back door open to try and get some of the heat inside out, “when we are finished, I want you to make me a grocery list, and I will head over to the store.”

“You’re gonna do our grocery shopping too?” Henry asked in disbelief. “Why?”

“Have you looked inside your refrigerator lately, dear? You cannot survive on condiments and takeout isn’t exactly healthy, is it?”

“Well no, but--”

“Vacuum,” she said insistently. “The sooner it gets done, the more time you’ll have to yourself for the rest of the day. Now let’s get moving shall we?”

“Yeah, okay.” Henry paused as he looked down at the vacuum before a smile curled over his lips. “You know what you need to do, Regina?”

“What’s that?”

“You need to woo Mom.”

Regina laughed, but Henry was quite serious. “I do, do I?” Deciding to humor him, she laughed teasingly. “How do you propose that I do that, hmm?”

“Yeah, you do. This whole slow thing you guys are doing is bullshit.”

“Henry. Language.”

“That is such a Mom thing to say,” he laughed. “Like I told you, you _are_ my other mom too. But I’m right and you know I am. It’s bullshit. You guys aren’t getting any younger, you know. You’re just wasting time now the way I see it.”

“Henry--”

“Well, you’re not getting any younger, are you?” Henry said. “How old are you now, anyway? Forty?”

“That’s insulting.”

“You know what is even more insulting?” Henry asked. Regina sighed as she tried to fight back her smile. “The fact that you haven’t even asked me what my ideas are for Operation Woo Mom yet. That is insulting.”

“What are your ideas, Henry?”

“Well,” he said as he grinned widely at her. “For starters, you should stay and should make her dinner tonight.”

“Okay, that’s one. What other ideas do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, do something romantic for her but don’t buy her flowers. She hates flowers.”

“I know. I remember.”

Henry dragged the vacuum along with him as he walked through the kitchen and then stopped on his way out to the living room. “What did you guys use to do when it came to the romantic stuff?” he asked and waved a hand quickly as he backed up. “Not those kinds of details, okay? I saw way too much the other morning.”

“We just spent time together,” Regina replied. “We were almost always together, even when we were working at the same place sometimes, and we were even together during the most mundane moments.”

“What, like boring things? Just being lazy together?”

Regina had to hold back her laughter because Henry looked like he was on the verge of bolting out of there at any given moment. “Yes, if you want to put it that way. We did lazy, boring things together. For me, personally, those were some of the best moments of all.”

“Where was I during all of this happening? I just remember you guys were always busy, especially right before you, you know, left. Were you really working a lot?”

“I was,” Regina replied. This was not the direction she was hoping the conversation would turn at all. Then again, she wasn’t sure what to expect with Henry. “Money was tight. It was tough. We tried, we were trying, but it was hard. Stressful.”

“I know.”

“You were there for those lazy and boring moments, though, Henry, especially as a baby when life finally just slowed down just enough for us to enjoy it for a little while. Even when you were a little older, we still found those moments,” she said quietly. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and past the emotions that were building up inside of her. Memories that came back in a blink of an eye with it all. “I am sorry for leaving, my little prince. I am sorry it took me so long to come home. To just talk to you. I’m sorry, Henry.”

Henry’s mouth twisted into a frown as his tears started to fall. He scoffed, fighting the losing battle against his tears and his own storm of emotions. “You were selfish,” he said lowly, his voice bitter and tight. “Nobody told me anything, but I listened. I listened a lot, and I heard just about everything. They all said the same thing. That you were selfish. You chose not to come back. That’s what I don’t understand. You just left us and then pretended like we never even existed anymore!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Would you have even come back if Grandpa didn’t die?”

“No.” Her answer came automatically. “But,” she said, stopping Henry from walking away from her. “I don’t mean it like you may think. You are right. Everyone is right. I was selfish. That’s who I used to be. I was selfish when I left, and I was selfish when I stayed away for as long as I did.”

It was clear that Henry had some deep emotions unraveling inside of him because he was not in control of the tears that streamed down his now red cheeks. He was angry. He was confused. Upset. Everything all at once and it was a storm brewing that Regina wasn’t sure she could handle, not when she had a storm of her own stirring inside of her.

“I made a lot of mistakes, and for a long time, I didn’t know why I did what I did. It was easier to…forget and move on. To be selfish, I suppose.” That’s what it was, wasn’t it? She felt conflicted as she struggled with the flurry of thoughts racing through her mind. “When I lost my father, everything changed. I know you understand how it feels to lose a parent. Was I planning to return before it happened? It never crossed my mind. When I stopped drinking, it got harder to not think about you, about Emma, about everyone, and I am struggling with realizing my many mistakes right this moment. Do you believe in fate, Henry?”

“Maybe.”

“I never did until this past week. I’m still not sure if I believe in fate or destiny or if it’s all just a big coincidence, but I am starting to believe that everything that has been happening lately has brought us back together for many reasons.”

“Good ones?”

Regina laughed at the hopeful look that suddenly fell upon Henry’s face. “Yes. Good ones,” she said quietly and she let out a sob as Henry suddenly wrapped his arms around her. “Do you feel better now that you’ve gotten some answers from me, Henry?”

“You sound like Dr. Hopper.”

Another laugh fell past Regina’s lips as she just held on to Henry for as long as he was holding on to her. “Have you spoken with Dr. Hopper recently?” she asked and felt him shake his head no. “I’m sorry, Henry.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

“I do.” Regina let go of Henry then and placed her hands on his shoulders and looked right up into his eyes. “So, dinner? Is that the only idea you have?”

“Operation Woo Mom is a fail already,” he laughed. “Oh.” His face fell. “You don’t know the whole thing. I used to have these little missions or whatever, right, I always gave them names. Operation Santa’s Elves, for example at Christmas when Robyn and I used to hunt for presents in the weeks leading up to Christmas Day. There were others, but, I think you get the gist of it. Anyway,” he said and motioned to the vacuum. “It’s a boring story. Cute when I was like eight, right, but not now. We should get started. Might not be a big house, but it takes forever to clean.”

“It can wait, you have help, and it’ll be done quickly,” Regina said and she had to take the vacuum out of his hand. “I want to hear more about these missions of yours.”

“I wouldn’t even call them that, but whatever,” he said with a shrug. “Do you want to go outside? It’s really hot in here, isn’t it?”

Regina nodded in agreement, “it is,” she said. She led the way to the back door and out to the patio, the table still thankfully in the shade and therefore a little bit cooler. Henry sat down beside her and slumped in his chair, and she immediately tutted at him to sit up straight. “Now,” she said with a smile. “I want to hear about all of your very best operations or missions. Operation Santa’s Elves sounds incredibly intriguing.”

“Nah, there have been better ones. Operation Swan. Picture this,” he said in a dramatic flourish. “Mom’s thirtieth birthday. Aunt Zee threw her this huge party, and it never would’ve happened if it wasn’t for Operation Swan…”


	36. Chapter 36

Regina spent most of the day with Henry. She helped him clean the house, and they were done in a couple of hours--with a few breaks from the heat--and they ended up out in the backyard with ice-cold glasses of lemonade and a small radio with the music on low.

Their conversations throughout the day remained light. They never talked about anything too emotionally heavy, not like they had early that morning. Henry did ask her a lot of questions about the different places she’d lived and what her life had been like over the years.

_Did you date anyone? Was it serious? Did you ever fall in love after Mom?_

_Yes, I dated. No, it never serious. No, I never fell in love again with anyone else._

Just after lunch, Marco showed up to check out the AC to see if it was fixable. It wasn’t. He stayed for a glass of ice cold lemonade before he was on his way, promising Henry that he would make a few calls to see what he could to do to fix it, or at the very least have it replaced to make the sudden unbearable heatwave a little more tolerable.

She received the phone call she’d been waiting for just after two that afternoon. While it was unfortunate that they would have to wait until Monday for Henry’s charges to be dropped, she was just grateful she heard back from them at all when she did. Every court system in every state, in every county, it all worked at a different pace and Portland was nothing like Boston or New York where there was a massive backlog unless you had some pull on the inside to get the paperwork moving quicker.

Henry was relieved but miserable. It meant he wasn’t a free man, per se, until Monday. Three and a half more days. His mood dissipated when Regina reminded him that it could’ve been a hell of a lot worse. He could’ve been denied bail and been behind bars this whole time. It elevated his miserable mood just a little.

As a teenager, during summer vacation, being confined to the house was the worst thing in the world for Henry. He was getting cabin fever, and Regina feared to think of how much worse it could’ve gotten had the investigation not gone as quickly as it had.

After that phone call with the courthouse, she let Henry use her phone to call Robyn over to hang out for a little while out in the backyard while she went and picked up some groceries. Without a car, she had to call for one of the three cabs that serviced the town. It was that or borrow her mother’s car or get her sister to drive her to the store and back, neither of them being an option she wanted to entertain.

Regina’s heart felt full, and it took her browsing the aisles at the store to realize that she had gone most of the day without once having to battle those demons inside. Being with Henry for most of the day thus far had all but chased them away. Even walking past the liquor aisle hadn’t triggered her as it had before, she barely even took a second glance at any of the bottles on the shelves as she made her way to the back of the store to pick up a jug of milk from the refrigerator.

It wasn’t a quick trip, not as she’d initially thought it’d be. She went a little overboard in buying Emma and Henry groceries with a few treats thrown in for both of them. She even picked up a couple of Apollo chocolate bars as she knew they’d once been Henry’s absolute favorite and hoped that they still were. By the time she got back to the house, it was after four, and with Robyn and Henry’s help, the groceries were brought inside and put away in no time.

Regina was in the middle of preparing the chicken while Henry and Robyn figured out how to start the barbecue out back. They deemed it far too hot inside the house to cook in the kitchen. Regina was chopping up vegetables and seasoning them before wrapping them in foil to cook it on the barbecue when she heard a car pull up in the driveway. She grabbed the dish towel and wiped her hands just as Emma walked into the kitchen covered in mud.

“What on earth happened to you?” Regina laughed. Emma frowned, grumbling under her breath as she put her phone on the table and dropped her keys beside it. “I’m sorry for laughing, but you are quite the sight right now. What happened?”

“Foot chase,” she replied as she removed her belt and carefully removed her gun from the holster. “I found some kids spraying graffiti behind the station. Bold, right? It’s like they wanted to see if they would get caught. Chased one of them right out to the edge of the woods. I would’ve caught him if I didn’t trip and fall into a puddle of mud.”

“You’re dripping,” Regina said as she glanced down at the clean tiled floor. “Henry worked hard to clean the house today, and I won’t have you ruining his hard work, now get into the shower and try not to trail more mud on the way to the bathroom, hmm?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Emma carefully walked over to where one of her three gun safes were stored in the house and opened the cabinet above the refrigerator and placed her gun inside. She spun around, a splotch of mud falling down to the tiled floor just beside her right foot and she grimaced as she looked down at it.

“Shit,” she muttered under her breath. “I’ll clean it all up after I shower, okay?” Emma pulled at the bottom of her dirty work shirt and untucked the hem from her pants. “Are you making dinner?”

“Yes, I am.”

“What are we having?” Emma asked with a smile as she slowly began to unbutton the shirt, and another splotch of mud fell to the floor at her feet.

“Chicken, roasted vegetables, and rice. Henry and Robyn are out back trying to get the barbecue started. They’re having a little trouble it seems.”

“It’s probably out of propane after the barbecue we had the other day,” Emma groaned quietly. “Did Marco come by today at all?” Upon Regina’s nod, she frowned. “It’s busted up good, isn’t it?”

“Unfortunately. I fear you may need to get a new unit installed.”

“Those are expensive. I don’t think I can afford to replace it.”

Regina bit her tongue. She felt as if it weren’t her place to mention that she had money now as she’d gotten a check from the insurance company just as she, Zelena, and her mother had when her father’s will had been read.

She found it a little odd that Emma hadn’t mentioned it at all, but then again, neither had she, and it wasn’t exactly an easy topic of discussion. If it had been ten years ago when they’d been where they were together in life, it would’ve been a whole other topic of discussion completely.

It was still a little odd, but Regina was sure Emma had her reasons. She knew Emma had been struggling financially for years, Henry had mentioned it earlier in the day when he was talking about how tight money was usually and how many times the electricity had been shut off because Emma hadn’t paid the bills on time.

“I’ll be in and out,” Emma said as she finished unbuttoning her shirt. “If they can’t get the barbecue started, I’ll run out and get another tank after I shower.”

“All right.”

“Have you been here all day?” Emma asked, and Regina blinked as she realized she was staring at the smooth expanse of skin that was exposed between Emma’s open shirt. “Did you do Henry’s chores for him? Because I don’t think this kitchen has been this clean since after the renovation.”

“I helped, mostly observed and supervised.”

Emma laughed and waved her off before she hurried out of the kitchen and to the bathroom to shower before she dripped any more mud on the clean floors. Regina eyed each of the splats of mud on the white tiled floor, and after a few minutes, she was wiping them up with paper towels.

She’d just finished up when Henry and Robyn came back into the house with triumph grins on their faces. Henry made a beeline for the refrigerator and pulled out a couple of cans of Coke. He tossed one to Robyn and opened the other, slurping as he tried to gulp half of it down in one go.

“Mom’s home?” Henry asked and Regina nodded. “Is she in the shower?” Another nod. “What did she say about the AC?”

“You’ll have to talk to her about that later, Henry. Did you two get the barbecue started?”

“Yeah,” he said and slurped out another sip from his can before Robyn pointedly handed him a glass with a look of disgust on her face. “So, I was telling Robyn about Operation Woo Mom.”

“Henry, perhaps we shouldn’t discuss this now.”

“Why not?”

“She’s just in the shower.”

“She could hear us and ruin the whole thing!” Robyn laughed. “Anyway, Aunt Regina, I totally agree with Henry on this. You need to woo Emma.”

“I suppose you have some ideas of your own, hmm?”

“Yes, like we’re going to let you two eat dinner alone. Don’t worry, we’re not going to leave the house or anything since he can’t, yet, but we’ll be in his room, and neither of us are gonna come out until, you know.”

“Until?” Regina asked curiously. “Until you know it’s safe?”

“Yeah,” Robyn laughed. “Henry told me about what he saw last night. The poor kid is traumatized.”

“I am not traumatized!” Henry groaned. “It’s just awkward and embarrassing to walk in on my moms like that. How would you feel if you walked in on your mom making out with some dude?”

“I’d be traumatized for life, duh!”

“Ugh,” Henry groaned. “You are so overly dramatic sometimes, Robyn.”

“And you aren’t?” she laughed and she turned to Regina. “So, we’re going to put everything on the grill while you and Emma, you know…”

Regina’s face flushed as Robyn comically wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. It was odd, the whole thing, and it was definitely something she wasn’t used to at all. Neither Henry or Robyn seem to be too fazed by the whole situation, and it left Regina reeling a bit in trying to wrap her head around their acceptance.

“Go on, Aunt Regina,” Robyn said pointedly as she gave her a playful little push out of the kitchen. “Let us deal with dinner.”

“But I--”

“No buts,” Robyn said with a glare that was identical to her mother’s that it scared Regina just a little bit. “Just go and woo your woman. Sweep her off her feet, let the birds sing songs of love as--”

“That’s gross,” Henry laughed. “You’re so weird.”

“I know I am, but so are you. Takes one to know one, weirdo.”

Regina walked into the living room with a shake of her head, leaving the two of them to continue to bicker playfully at one another in the kitchen alone. Regina stopped walking when she realized she had no idea what the hell she was supposed to be doing. She knew she was supposed to be making dinner, but Henry and Robyn had taken over that in an attempt to start the first phase of Operation Woo Mom.

She could hear the shower running in the bathroom, and she fidgeted with the hem of her button-down blouse as she stood by the couch. After a few minutes, she sat down with a heavy sigh and her mind filled with less than pure thoughts of just how she could woo Emma Swan.

It was just simply too strange to have her niece and Emma’s son pushing for them just to be together, instigating that they need to move faster and how the fact they were taking things slow was utter bullshit. Having not one but two teenagers involved in a so-called operation to get the two of them together--even though they already were back together per se--was out of the realm of normal for her.

And it sure didn’t seem like it was abnormal for anyone else.

Was that what things would’ve been like had she stayed and had they been open about the true nature of their relationship all those years ago? Relentless teasing? A push or two at them to spend some time alone together?

Strange, indeed.

Yet, it all made Regina’s heart feel so much fuller. It pushed out any negative, dragging emotions that had previously occupied her mind over the last couple of days and weeks. She hadn’t felt like this in a very long time, longer than ten years at least.

Her body seemed to move on its own accord after she heard the water in the shower turn off. Her heart raced harder with every step and she stopped just outside the bathroom door. What was she doing? They were supposed to be taking things slow and there she was, ready to pounce on Emma as soon as she walked out of the bathroom after having a quick shower.

“Regina!” Emma exclaimed in surprise when she walked out of the bathroom after Regina had been lingering in the hallway for a couple of minutes. “What are you doing?”

“I uh, I was going to take your muddy clothes and throw them in the wash for you,” she stammered, the lie slipping easily past her lips and one Emma didn’t believe for a second. “Okay, that’s not really why I am out here waiting for you,” she admitted with a defeated sigh. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Emma and the tiny white towel she had wrapped around her naked body. “I actually don’t know what I’m doing here.”

Emma laughed as she backed up towards her open bedroom door. “Those kids are scheming,” she said and laughed again. “I heard you guys talking in the kitchen. The walls are pretty thin, remember?”

“Yes, I uh, well I--I honestly don’t know what to say.”

“You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.”

“Oh, am I?”

“Fucking sexy as hell, too,” Emma whispered huskily as she reached out for Regina’s hand and pulled her into the bedroom with her. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“Have you?” Regina bit her bottom lip as Emma placed her hands on her hips and moved her own to Regina’s shoulders. “All day?”

“Yes.”

“And what were you thinking about while you were thinking about me?”

“A lot of things.”

“Such as?”

“Well,” Emma drawled out as she took a step back towards the bed and Regina tensed a little and not because she didn’t want things to go in that direction but because she was worried about what would happen if things did go in that very direction. “I was hoping I would see you again today. I like coming home to you again.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, but, there is something missing.”

“What is that, Emma?”

“A kiss.”

“Just…a kiss?”

“Yep. Just a kiss.”

Regina’s eyes fell to Emma’s lips, and she moaned as Emma slowly slipped her tongue out and licked over her bottom lip in a way that had Regina’s arousal heightening by the second. She was also certain that Emma could feel how hard her heart was racing as Emma leaned in, closing the small gap between them and kissed her soft and sure.

Regina’s fingers grasped at the soft towel Emma had wrapped around her torso, and she deepened the kiss, melting into Emma’s embrace and in her lips completely. That feeling she got when she kissed Emma was intoxicating. Addicting. She just couldn’t seem to get enough. She needed more. She wanted more. She wanted this every damn day from that moment on, and she wanted to be there every day that Emma got home after work.

She wanted it all.

And it both scared and excited her.

“Just…a kiss,” Emma murmured against her lips and she grasped lightly onto Regina’s wrists and eased her hands away from her hips. “I should get dressed.”

“Yes.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be cooking dinner?”

“Henry and Robyn are putting everything on the grill now, I believe.”

“I wouldn’t trust them to cook dinner on the barbecue unsupervised,” Emma said and she exhaled sharply as she took a step back and put some space between them. “Maybe you should go and check on them? I’ll be right out.”

Regina backed out of the bedroom, unable to take her eyes off of Emma in the tiny white towel that only just covered her torso and pelvis. Only just. The apologetic look in Emma’s eyes spoke volumes of all the words she wasn’t saying.

Slow.

Regina bit her bottom lip lasciviously as she nearly walked into the partially open bedroom door and reached out to grab hold of it before it slammed shut. Emma laughed and stood by the bed unmoving, her hands now clutching at the towel to keep it from falling. Her heart was racing so quickly, so hard, it was making her feel a little dizzy. Dizzy with want and need.

_Slow_.

Operation Woo Mom was going to be a hell of a lot harder than she thought it’d be.

She also made a mental note to ask Henry to change the name of it because it was just so absolutely ridiculous.

Just as ridiculous as it had been when Emma suggested they be friends. Even more so was the whole fact that they were taking things slow when it was quite clear that neither of them actually wanted that.

If that kiss was anything to go by…

“Oh,” Regina groaned quietly once she’d walked out and was in the living room a few seconds later. “Emma Swan, you are going to be the death of me.”

[X]

Dinner turned out to be quiet and they weren’t alone. Emma wouldn’t allow Henry and Robyn to take their plates of food into his room to give her and Regina some time alone. Henry was frustrated, and Regina knew after what he’d told her about his previous missions and operations that he was seeing Operation Woo Mom as a failure already.

Regina was grateful for the distraction that came in the form of Henry and Robyn, however. After that brief encounter with Emma after she’d gotten out of the shower, it had left her feeling hot and bothered--more than the unbearable heat inside the house was making her feel. It was why they ended up moving outside to eat halfway through their meal, and it left Henry endlessly complaining about not having the AC working.

“You want a car, kid?” Emma asked him as they all cleared away the patio table together. “I think you should start saving up for a new AC unit instead. It’ll cost about the same.”

“Me?” Henry looked horrified. “You want _me_ to buy a new AC?”

“Or at least help.”

“I don’t even have a job yet, Mom!”

“You can start looking for one on Monday,” Emma countered. “What time is the hearing at exactly?”

“Nine o’clock,” Regina replied.

“We’ll leave just after six and go for breakfast,” Emma said with a smile as Henry took her plate from her and plopped it in the sink that was filling up with water and soap suds. “You got this, kid?”

“Yeah, Mom, I got it. Just go and hang out. Robyn and I will clean up.”

“We will?” Robyn asked in surprise, and upon Henry’s insistent glare, she smiled and shooed Emma and Regina out of the kitchen. “We got this, Em. Go and relax!”

“It’s hot as hell in here,” Emma muttered as she fanned at her neck. “Do you want to go for a walk, Regina?”

“Sure. I’d love to.”

It was how, ten minutes later, they ended up at Any Given Sundae ordering two tall soft serve cones they ended up eating out on the sidewalk with a whole host of other people who had the same idea as they did. It was still as hot as it had been earlier in the day, but the wind had picked up a little, and the breeze made it all bearable.

After ice cream, they walked down to the harbor together, hand in hand, lost in their own little world it seemed. They walked down the boardwalk to the very end where the beach started, and Emma was the first to pull off her sneakers and her socks, leaving them behind in the sand as she tugged and pulled at Regina’s hands and led her down to the water as soon as she too had removed her shoes.

“Do you remember when we used to spend all day down here when Henry was little?” Emma asked as they approached the water together. “It wasn’t the same without you.”

“I remember,” Regina said with a small smile and she pulled back from Emma as she continued to tug her towards the water. “Emma, what are you doing?”

“Come on, it’s refreshing,” she said and stepped back as a wave rolled up onto the beach and crashed against the back of her legs. She laughed and pulled at Regina a little harder. “Come on, Regina, live a little!”

“I’m not dressed for--Emma!” Regina shrieked as Emma quickly moved to pick her up and marched into the water until it reached her knees and she put Regina down just as another wave rolled in. “Oh, you are lucky I left my phone at home. I would kill you if you ruined it pulling a stunt like this.”

“Well?” Emma asked as she kept her arms wrapped around Regina and smiled. “Refreshing, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

“Hey,” she said as she leaned in and softly planted a kiss on Regina’s lips. “Loosen up a little, yeah?”

“I am loose.”

Emma laughed and kissed her again. “Live a little,” she murmured before she kissed Regina once more, her lips lingering, her tongue slipping out just briefly to deepen the kiss before another wave--a much larger one--crashed into them. “Oh shit, that is cold!”

That fullness in her heart just seemed to grow as she and Emma laughed and rushed out of the water and back onto the beach. Regina was _happy_ , and it was a feeling that had become so foreign to her over the years that she was so afraid that she would lose that happiness in an instant. Those fears were squashed as Emma scooped her up into her arms and kissed her yet again.

“So,” Emma said softly as she leaned her forehead against Regina’s, her eyes closed and a smile curling over her lips. “What do we gotta do to make Operation Woo Mom a success?”

“I’m not entirely sure.”

“Well, you don’t need to woo me, babe. You’ve got me wrapped around your little finger already.”

“Do I now?”

“Hell yeah,” Emma chuckled lightly, her eyes still closed and the smile curling over her lips was growing a little bigger. “I have missed you so much, Regina.”

“I’ve missed you too, darling.”

“And I’ve missed you calling me that,” she whispered. “Fuck,” she groaned softly. “I wish things were easier, you know?”

“Easier how?”

“I don’t know, just easier, I guess.”

“Not as slow, you mean?”

Emma shook her head and leaned back a little. “No, I mean easier,” she said with a small shrug. “I know we can’t just fall back into place together. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Says who?”

“Me. I do.”

Regina frowned though she understood what Emma meant and where she was coming from. She felt the same way, too. She still worried that maybe they were already falling back into place together regardless of taking things slow. It sure hadn’t started that way just days ago when they landed in bed together.

Everything felt so familiar yet new at the same time. Before when they’d first met, and after that first kiss, things had moved slowly then too, but for far different reasons. They had taken time to get to where they’d been for many years, they’d taken the time to get to know one another in a deep, emotionally intimate way that Regina had never had with anyone before or after Emma. It almost felt if they had to do it all over again because ten years was a long time, and people did change. She wasn’t the same person she was a decade ago just as she was not the same person she was three months ago or even two weeks ago.

The same went for Emma. They weren’t the same people they used to be even if their feelings for one another hadn’t changed at all.

They hadn’t changed, but they were different, too.

“Can we make things clear?” Regina asked after a few moments passed between them, and they hadn’t let go of one another just yet. “Just how slow are we talking here?”

“One day at a time.”

“What does that mean to you, Emma?” Regina asked, feeling a little frustrated and unsure. “Does that mean we won’t be intimate at all?”

“I’m not saying at all, but…” Emma trailed off, laughing awkwardly a little. “I enjoy kissing you. A lot. God, I sound like I’m eighteen again, don’t I?”

“I feel like I’m eighteen again.”

“We’re not,” Emma chuckled. “God, life would be easier if we could just go back and do it all again, wouldn’t it?”

“In some ways, absolutely, but it’s not in the realm of possibility and reality. There is no sense in hoping and wishing for something different, is there?”

“No, there’s not.” Emma lifted a hand and tucked a few wild strands of hair behind Regina’s ear. “I feel like there is so much I don’t know about you now. I feel like we have to get to know each other all over again. We do, don’t we?”

“Yes, I suppose we do.”

“Yeah.”

Regina found herself lost in Emma’s longing gaze and her eyes that looked almost blue in the sunlight. She slipped her fingers into Emma’s long hair and pulled her in for another kiss, the urge to do just that so overwhelming she just couldn’t help herself.

The kiss was soft yet passionate, and Regina was so lost in the moment she forgot just where they were and that they were definitely not alone on a very public beach. Years ago, she wouldn’t have dared to kiss Emma like that outside of the privacy of their own home, but that was then, and this was now.

Things truly had changed.

Emma pulled back from the kiss with a smile and exhaled slowly, her eyes staring deep into Regina’s as they just stood by the water, sand in their toes, with their arms still wrapped around one another.

It felt like a perfect moment.

And it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it seems like not many are reading this story. Updates will be sporadic/when I feel like it from this point forward. Just a friendly reminder that comments go a long way, even if its a simple "thank you" or "I'm enjoying this story". The few comments I have been getting I do appreciate, but my motivation to continue to share this story is at an all time low. Sorry if there were people liking the 3x a week update. And before you tell me that I should be writing for me, I did write this story for me, but I'm sharing it for the fandom.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who took a moment to leave a comment after the last chapter to prove to me that I was wrong about nearly nobody reading this. I was a little surprised to see so many, to be honest, but please don't stop! It definitely made my shitty week a ton better!

Early Friday morning Regina received a phone call that she least expected. Robert Gold had finally returned her call about the house, and they arranged to meet at the old Levingston farm that afternoon at two o’clock.

Kathryn came along with her, mainly because she asked her to and because she had to listen to Kathryn moan and complain most of the morning about how _bored_ she was. They were early for the viewing appointment, and they walked around the outside of the house and to the barn in the back that looked fairly new while they waited for Gold to arrive.

“It’s for sale?” Kathryn asked as she pushed her sunglasses up on her nose. “Or are you just looking to rent?”

“Either,” Regina replied. “I’m not entirely positive on what I want to do yet.”

“It’s a big house,” Kathryn said as she looked up at the house from where they stood in the small yard that was fenced off from the rest of the property. “What are you going to do with all this? How much land is included in the property, do you know?”

“Eighty acres,” she replied. “And I haven’t made a decision yet, Kathryn, but I need to figure something out if I am going to be staying here in Storybrooke. I cannot continue to stay at my mother’s house any longer. Staying at the inn isn’t exactly a feasible option either. It seems silly to spend that amount of money to stay there.”

“It looks like it needs a lot of work,” Kathryn said as she scrunched up her face and she removed her sunglasses to look right at Regina. “It looks condemned. What if it is haunted?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kathryn,” Regina laughed. “It isn’t condemned.”

“Well, nobody lives here, do they?”

“No, Gold told me the house has been empty for a while. The sellers have been having a hard time getting it to move on the market. I don’t want to make a decision until after I have been inside and even then,” Regina said and sighed as she looked up at the back of the house, “I’m not sure I’ll be making a decision right away either.”

“Well, have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“Not yet.”

“I’d suggest opening your own practice here in town, but how many lawyers does Storybrooke actually need outside of the few we already have?”

“I’m not looking to continue practicing law after Henry’s hearing on Monday morning. I truly have no idea what I am going to do next.”

“Isn’t that scary?”

“A little, but I’ll be all right for a while until I figure things out. Financially, anyway.” Regina headed for the gate and stopped as soon as she reached the gravel driveway. “What are you planning to do next, Kathryn? Are you going back to Tokyo?”

“I have to. I have to pack up the condo before the end of the month. I’ll be coming back here, I suppose. I don’t have the financial security as you do at the moment. I’ll stay with my father if I have to until I find my own place.”

Regina leaned up against the hood of her mother’s car she’d borrowed for the afternoon and looked down the long gravel driveway as a black car pulled up. “Are you sure that’s wise?” she asked Kathryn. “You haven’t lived with your father since you and Fred moved in together just after we graduated high school.”

“My father has a new girlfriend who monopolizes all of his time. It’ll be fine. I’m not planning on spending every waking moment there anyway. Besides, if you decide to get this place, I may just be spending most of my free time here until I find a job and my own place.”

“Is that right?” Regina laughed. “Getting a little ahead of yourself, are you, dear?”

“As I said before, what are you going to do with a house this big, Regina? It’s going to be awfully lonely being here all by yourself.”

“Unlike you, Kathryn, I enjoy spending time alone with myself.” She straightened up as Gold pulled his car up behind them and came to a stop. He was out of the car a moment later, looking a little worse for the wear as he used a silk handkerchief to dab at his eyes. “Hello, Robert,” Regina said as the older man slowly made his way to them, his cane clacking and crunching against the gravel with every step. “How are you?”

“I’ve been better, dearie, but let’s head inside, hmm?” he replied and managed a smile as he placed his handkerchief into the front pocket of his suit blazer. “Apologies. Coming this far out into the country always aggravates my allergies.”

Regina followed Gold around to the steps that led up to the front porch. It was weathered and in need of some minor repairs, but nothing extensive from what she could tell.

“I would suggest having an inspector come in if you decide to purchase or rent,” Gold said as he fiddled with the keys he pulled out of his pocket. “The house needs a lot of work. The barn was built two summers ago. The fencing around the property line was also done that same year.”

“A bulldozer might be your best bet,” Kathryn muttered as they waited for Gold to unlock the door. “Regina, you have no idea how much work this place might need. It could cost you more than it’s worth.”

“Kathryn, I didn’t bring you along for this,” she tutted quietly. “Robert, when was the last time anyone lived here? It looks a bit…weathered and unkempt.”

“Mrs. Levingston moved into a beautiful retirement home in Boston after her husband died a little over a year ago,” he replied and smiled as he pushed opened the front door with a small flourish. “Her son, I believe you know Troy, has been taking care of things here.”

“Not well from the looks of it,” Kathryn said under her breath as the three of them stepped into the foyer. “Regina, are you sure--”

“I want to see the house, and then I will make a decision. One without your opinions that I wish you would keep to yourself, Kathryn,” she said tightly, and she looked up at the wide and long staircase that led to the second floor and smiled. “It still looks much like I remember it.”

“Ah, yes, not much has changed in the house for many years aside from the new barn, to be perfectly honest with you. The old one collapsed after a bad storm,” Gold replied. “It was unfortunate that Mr. Levingston passed shortly after the barn was rebuilt. They used to have quite an abundance of animals as I am sure you remember.”

“Yes, quite fondly. Would you mind if I looked around on my own?”

“Just keep in mind that any furniture that remains here is included,” Gold said and waved over to the room just off to the right of the foyer. “I’ll wait in here if you need me or if you have any further questions.”

“Thank you.”

Regina headed down the main hallway, deciding to start at the back where the kitchen was and make her way through the rest of the house, room by room. She was a little relieved when Kathryn wandered off elsewhere, and she stepped into the spaciously open kitchen and smiled at the way the sunlight streamed in through the dusty windows.

It felt homey despite the dust and the cobwebs on the walls and around the cupboards. While the kitchen itself was well over forty years, it was in excellent condition under all the dust. A good coat of paint after a thorough cleaning would make it livable again.

From the kitchen, she entered the dining room and found a large table covered by a drop cloth that had pushed just under the big window that overlooked the driveway. The paint was flaking off the ceiling in some spots, and the faded floral wallpaper was peeling, outlines where pictures once hung well defined all along the wall opposite of the window. She crossed through the foyer and into the room Gold was waiting in. He’d pulled back the drop cloth that covered the sofa and was sitting down, his attention on his phone he had out in his right hand.

That room was much like the dining room. In need of a good paint job, cleaning, and a new light fixture, she discovered as she flipped the switch on the wall a few times. There was a small sitting room just off to the back, and the light didn’t work in there either, and the window had been boarded up. Glass crunched under her shoes as she walked back out of the small sitting room and headed for the stairs.

She found Kathryn at the top of the stairs peering into the large bathroom. Regina joined her, smiling as Kathryn turned to her with glee in her eyes, a stark difference from what had been there when they first walked in the house.

“It has a clawfoot tub, Regina,” she exclaimed. “Look at it! It’s in pristine condition. A little elbow grease and it’ll shine like new.”

“Now do you understand why I am looking past some of the unsightly parts of this house, dear?” Regina asked. “It may be old, but it’s in good shape from what I can tell. Gold is right. I’ll need to hire an inspector before I make any solid decisions. Have you seen any of the bedrooms?”

“They’re all empty except for what I believe is the master. It’s full of junk.”

Regina walked into the first bedroom beside the bathroom and found it was indeed full of junk, boxes mostly, and heavy drapes covered the two sets of windows in the room. Regina flipped on the light, and the bulb flickered before she heard a pop and the room fell back into darkness. She pulled out her phone and turned on the flashlight, wandering into the room full of boxes and headed for the closet, surprised to find it was a walk-in with a door that led to a small two-piece ensuite.

The other three bedrooms were all roughly the same size, and as Kathryn said, empty save for the ugly green drapes that hung over the windows. They headed downstairs together after deciding not to explore the attic and found Gold no longer waiting in the front room but out on the wrap-around porch.

“Well, what did you think of the house?” Gold asked. “It needs quite a bit of work, so I’ll understand if you decide you want to look at other properties. I must say, if you’re looking for something to come up quickly, you may be waiting for quite some time.”

“It needs work, paint mostly from the looks of things,” Regina replied and frowned as her eyes fell upon the broken porch swing. “I’m interested, but,” she said and paused, narrowing her eyes at Kathryn who was about to protest. “I will be hiring an inspector to come in and check the house properly. If there is more than what meets the eye to repair or to be worried about, I will have to pass, Robert.”

“Understandably. You should give Marco a call,” Gold said as he handed her a business card. “He’ll be happy to come out here and take a look at the place for you. Unless you have someone else in mind?”

“No, Marco is an old family friend. I would trust him over someone else any day.”

“Wonderful.”

“Shall we go somewhere and get the paperwork started? I want to make a conditional offer on the property.”

“Absolutely, dearie. We can meet at the diner if you’d like?”

“I’ll meet you there. I want to take another look around the property and the barn if that’s all right?”

“Take as much time as you need. Call me when you are on your way.”

Gold left after he locked up the house and Regina headed for the barn. It wasn’t big or even normal sized, but it had two stalls for horses and a few pens for smaller animals. At the front, there was a small office with a big maple desk built in along one wall with bookshelves that were still filled with books.

“What are you going to do with a barn, Regina?” Kathryn asked her when she joined her outside and pulled the big barn door shut. “Are you going to become a farmer?”

“No,” she laughed. “I don’t know yet, Kathryn. I’m sure I’ll find a use for it one way or another.”

“What about your father’s horse?”

“She’s quite comfortable over at the stables. It is the only home she’s known, so for now, she can stay there. Do you not remember how much work it is to take care of a horse?”

“It’s been ages since I’ve ridden, but I certainly have not forgotten.”

Regina looked up at the house when they reached the car. The first thought she had was wondering if she was actually considering doing all of this. She knew she could do it and she wanted to, but it hit her all at once just exactly what she was considering.

A house, a farm, a property. For the price, too, it left her wondering what the catch was.

“Do you remember Troy?”

“Troy?” Kathryn laughed. “He was friends with David. How could I ever forget? Why?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have his number?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, Regina,” Kathryn replied as she opened the passenger door. “Are we staying, or are we going?”

“I need a few minutes.”

“Keys?” Kathryn stretched out her hand expectantly. “What, we’re in the middle of the grossest heatwave I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m not waiting in the car without the AC on.”

“Is this crazy?” Regina asked. “All of this?”

“Honest opinion?” Kathryn took one look at her and then smiled. “Yes, it’s crazy, but I think this is exactly what you need.”

“What I need? I don’t even know what I need, so how could _you_ possibly know?”

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” Kathryn laughed. She turned Regina around to look back up at the house. “What does this feel like?”

“I don’t know.”

“Home, doesn’t it? It feels right.”

“Yes.”

“And what does it feel like being back here in Storybrooke?” Kathryn asked and sighed melodramatically as she turned Regina to look at her. “You’re conflicted, but really you’re not, are you? You had me pack up your entire place in New York because you want to stay here. You literally dropped everything in your life to come back here.”

“I know I did.” Regina turned to look up at the house, her head spinning with a thousand different thoughts. “Is this crazy, Kathryn?”

“Yes,” she laughed and she wrapped her arms around her tightly. “Crazy in a good way, Regina. Of all the things you’ve done in your life, this is by far the craziest and why? Because you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her, for _love_. You’re changing everything in your life to come back to a life you had left behind. A life that went on without you. A life and a family you left behind that has welcomed you back with open arms.”

“It is crazy,” Regina muttered under her breath. “I don’t deserve any of this. I don’t deserve any of them to want me back in their life. I hurt everyone, some more than others. Why--”

“Because they love you. They never stopped. They missed you, Regina. All of them.”

“Do you know what I keep asking myself now?” Regina asked. Kathryn shook her head no and continued to hold on to her tightly. “How could I have been so selfish?”

“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?”

“I was selfish and a coward, Kathryn. I left and went on with my life, pretending that my life here had never existed.” Regina pulled back and wiped at her tears. “I’ve made so many mistakes, Kathryn, mistakes that shouldn’t easily be forgiven and yet everyone has forgiven me for all of them. I just can’t understand _why_.”

“Because that is what you do when you love someone the way that they all love you, Regina. You forgive the people you love no matter how much they have hurt you. Look,” she said and she cupped Regina’s face, forcing Regina to look at her. “I spent years listening to everyone talk about you, especially your father, and I spent years wondering why you kept staying away, why you didn’t want to know a damn thing about anyone. It wasn’t like that for everyone else, Regina. Nobody stopped caring about you and wondering about you and the life you were living.”

“I didn’t care enough to want to know about anyone else other than my father.”

“It’s not that you didn’t care, Regina, you were, as you said, selfish and a coward.”

“That doesn’t make any of this any better, Kathryn.”

“No, but do you know what does? The fact that you are here right now. The fact that you did come back to bury your father and that you came back again for Henry. Now you’re looking to buy a house that is far too big for you and needs far too much work and why?”

“I need a place to live if I’m going to stay here.”

“You already have a home here.”

“Emma’s house is  _not_ my home anymore. After I left, I made sure that my name was no longer on the mortgage or the deed. It’s hers and only hers now.”

“Yet she’s asked you to stay.”

Regina frowned and backed away from her best friend with a scowl. “She did ask me to stay, but I can’t do that, Kathryn. I just can’t,” she sighed and she wiped at her tear-stained cheeks until her skin felt raw. “I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I don’t deserve her love. I don’t deserve any of it.”

“She never stopped being in love with you, Regina, not even when you first left. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you need to hear this,” Kathryn said and she reached out for Regina’s hand and led her over to the steps that led up to the front porch. They sat down on the steps in the relief of the shade from the hot sun overhead, and Kathryn didn’t let go of her hand, she just held on tighter. “I spent a lot of time with Emma after you left. We spent a lot of time just talking about you. We also spent a lot of time talking about why you’d left, and she felt as if it was all her fault. It took her a long time to forgive herself.”

“It wasn’t her fault.”

“It takes two to make a relationship work and two to break it, Regina. You both are a fault in many different ways. But,” she said and paused as she squeezed Regina’s hand and smiled, “but I know love conquers all in the end. It just took you a hell of a long time to get back here.”

“I didn’t realize that you and Emma were friends.”

“You didn’t want to know, and I respected your wishes because you are my best friend, and I could see how deep the darkness you allowed into your heart had pulled you in. You weren’t ready to see the truth for a very long time. I know you’ve got far too many demons you’ve been fighting most of your life and ones you are still fighting to this very moment, but that is not all who you are, Regina.”

“And who am I?”

“You are a woman who loves with her whole heart. You are a woman who is passionate and driven. You are a woman who has been carrying around this emptiness in your heart because as passionate and driven as you are, you are the most stubborn person I have ever known in my whole life, but that is one of the many reasons why I love you.”

“Because I am stubborn?” Regina laughed. The hot tears burned as they fell from her eyes. “That is ridiculous, Kathryn.”

“Ridiculous or not, it’s the truth. Regina, you have been missing a piece of yourself for a long time now, and no, I am not talking about Emma Swan. I’m talking about you. You left a piece of yourself here. A big piece of yourself and all I want is for you to find that part of yourself again, so when you ask me if this is crazy? No, it’s really not, not if it has you finding that piece of yourself you lost so many years ago.”

“I didn’t even realize I’d left a part of me behind.”

“I know.”

Regina sobbed as she turned to her best friend and all but buried her face into Kathryn’s neck as Kathryn pulled her in for a warm hug. “I feel like the world’s biggest idiot,” she murmured and she laughed when Kathryn did. “I am, aren’t I?”

“I thought that Emma was the world’s biggest idiot?” Kathryn asked. “You used to call her your idiot all the time.”

“She was my idiot.”

“She is still your idiot,” Kathryn corrected her and lifted her hands to wipe away at Regina’s tears gently with her thumbs. “So, this place? It feels like home, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. We’ve already established that it does.”

“And despite the amount of work that it needs, you’ve already made a decision before you came here, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not the only one you see in this house either.”

“No, but I’m also not trying to get ahead of myself or--”

“I know, I know,” Kathryn groaned. “You two are being ridiculous and taking things slow. You’re wasting time if you ask me.”

“By wanting to do things right?”

“You are doing everything backward, Regina. You two spent all night on Saturday night fucking, didn’t you?” Upon Regina’s obvious glare, Kathryn laughed and continued, “I’m failing to understand how that makes sense for you two to go from jumping back into bed with one another to wanting to take things slow.”

“That was Emma’s idea.”

“Oh, so you are right. She is an idiot.”

“So am I.”

“Two idiots in love,” Kathryn chuckled. “Not much has changed, has it?”

“A lot has changed.”

Kathryn nodded. “That’s a good point, a lot _has_ changed,” she said slowly. “But one thing hasn’t and that is how you two feel about each other. You are still in love with her and she is very obviously still in love with you. The rules change when it comes to being with an ex. There are no rules, no game plan, no timeline. Slow is a word that should not exist between you two. If slow is what you both want, you’d be better off as friends.”

“Emma suggested that, too.”

“I know. Ridiculous,” Kathryn laughed. “That is absolutely insane! You two can’t be friends. You two have far too much history together, not to mention how fucking complicated everything would be if you tried to be just friends.”

“Which is exactly why I told her that we couldn’t be friends.”

Regina got up from the steps and looked up at the front door, marveling at the stained-glass window for a moment. It was beautiful, dusty and the paint was peeling, but it was beautiful. The whole house was a work of art within itself, and she felt as if she was the only one who could see its true potential.

And Kathryn was right. She wasn’t the only one she saw living there and calling it home. She saw Emma there with her, Henry too. Walking through the house had brought back some memories of her time spent there when she was younger, but her mind had wandered, and she started to see memories that had yet to exist unfolding one after the other. She saw her and Emma in that kitchen in the mornings with Henry at the table finishing up his homework before he rushed off to school. She saw family dinners, with everyone, in the dining room. She saw her and Emma waking up in that bedroom every morning, sharing a moment where they were lost within their own little world and each other.

She’d seen so much, and she’d tried to block it all out, but it was becoming impossible to now that the floodgates of her emotions had broken wide open.

“What if I am not good enough for her?” Regina asked quietly. “I’m a mess, Kathryn. Emma deserves someone better than someone like me.”

“Why?” Kathryn asked. “Because you’re an alcoholic and struggling to stay sober?”

“Yes.”

“Have you tried to seek out help?”

“I have. I went to one AA meeting the other night. David offered to be my sponsor.”

“I heard. Did you take him up on that offer?” Upon Regina’s nod, Kathryn sighed. “I know you know that David and I have a lot of bad blood between us, but I also know that he can help you, Regina. He wouldn’t have offered if he didn’t want to help you or think that he could at all.”

“I know.”

“What did you do before to help combat those cravings?”

“I kept myself busy with work. I distanced myself from everyone I knew and used to go out drinking with after work. I was so afraid that I would fall again and again. I did. I was back here for barely a day before I was drinking myself stupid.”

“It’s okay--”

“No, Kathryn, it is not okay. I’m weak. I can’t--I don’t know how to keep fighting these demons inside of me and I don’t want to make it anyone else’s problem. Emma doesn’t deserve any of this and I don’t deserve her. She’s too good for me. She’d be better off finding someone else.”

“That’s a lot of bullshit that just came out of your mouth, Regina. Are you even listening to yourself right now?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I need to go and meet up with Gold.”

“Too bad, we are talking about this, and you know why? Because you _need_ to talk about this with someone that understands you.”

“Someone like you?”

“Regina, we’ve known each other practically our whole lives, have we not? I like to think if anyone knows you, it’s me. I know we haven’t been close over the years like we used to be, but you are still my best friend. You will always be my best friend. I know one thing you are not, and that is weak. You’ve never been weak. You’re one of the strongest people that I know, and I love you because of that. One of many reasons.”

“I don’t _feel_ very strong right now.”

“Maybe not, but you can feel that way again.”

“How?” Regina asked. “It doesn’t feel like it is possible not to feel weak when that is all I have known for a very long time.”

“Stop being so afraid.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It is. It can be. Whatever you are holding on inside of you that’s making you weak, you need to figure it out, and you need to let it go, Regina.”

“I don’t know how.”

Kathryn sighed and ran her fingers through her blonde hair in frustration. “Have you considered therapy?” she asked. “It might do you good.”

“I’ve tried that in the past, and you know that it never worked for me.”

“What is stopping you from trying it again?”

“Me.”

“Because you’re afraid,” Kathryn said with a disapproving frown. “Look, I am not saying it is going to be easy because it won’t be, but you have a lot of people who love you unconditionally and who forgive you. You are one lucky bitch, you know that? To have that in your life, to have the family that you do, the friends that you still have, and the fact that the love of your life is still very much in love with you says a lot, doesn’t it?”

Her head was spinning, she felt dizzy as she listened to Kathryn, to the words she was saying and the weight that they carried. The truth that they spoke. A truth she had been ignoring and avoiding for far too long.

“What do you think I should do now, Kathryn?”

“I think,” she said and paused to look up at the house and then she smiled. “I think you need to go and meet with Gold, buy this place, fix it up, and start a brand new chapter of your life here and leave the past in the past where it belongs. You need to start over and this is the perfect opportunity to do just that. But, you also need to stop being so afraid, Regina. You need to be strong again, and I know you don’t believe that you can, but you need to try. Can you do that?”

“Yes. Yes, I can.”

She knew she could. She knew she _had_ to. The demons inside of her were definitely not going to win. Not ever again.


	38. Chapter 38

The conversation she’d had with Kathryn at the house had resonated throughout her for the remainder of the day. After she met with Gold to go over some paperwork in anticipation of her impending offer on the property, she called David and asked him about Troy Levingston. He was kind enough to give her Troy’s number and learned that he no longer lived in Storybrooke, but in Augusta with his wife and five children.

Of course, David had plenty of questions, and they were questions she answered easily. He was surprised to hear that she was on the cusp of making an offer on the old Levingston farm and offered her his help around the property if needed.

After a long conversation with Troy while she walked the streets of Storybrooke, she called Marco and asked him if he would do an inspection on the house immediately. The earliest he was available was first thing the next morning. She arranged to meet him at the house with Gold and called Troy back to see if he was willing to make the drive down to Storybrooke as well.

Everything seemed to be moving quickly and it was. Robert Gold had advised her not to delay in making a decision. The house was close to being in foreclosure, and once the bank owned it, it would stall the process completely, something even she knew that she most definitely did not want to deal with. Robert Gold was not a man of patience. She knew this as he had been friends with her parents, her mother mostly, for a very long time.

Regina received a phone call from the moving company when she was on her way back to her mother’s house to return her car. The company was due to deliver her things tomorrow afternoon and they were calling to confirm the delivery address. She gave the man her mother’s address because she had forgotten to make further arrangements to rent a storage unit to store all of her furniture and things that Kathryn hadn’t brought along that that eventful drive up from the city the day before.

It wasn’t like her to have forgotten something so important. She was sure it had just slipped her mind. She had made so many other calls that day it was easy to have been missed.

She didn’t stay at the house for very long, and after dropping the car off in the driveway, she left. She had barely walked down the street before Zelena texted her a handful of times asking where she was going and why she’d left so quickly. Regina didn’t bother reading the rest, she just slipped her phone into her pocket and continued walking down the street.

Regina had no idea where she was going, all she knew was she had to get out of that house before the inevitable happened. Her mother.

The reality of buying the house came with knowing it could be a few weeks or even longer after she acquired the keys before she could live there. It was mostly just a good clean, a paint job, but there were other things that would need to be done, and all Regina could hope for was that whatever it was it wasn’t extensive. As quickly as the ball was moving, it almost felt as if it weren’t moving fast enough now. Regina was just impatient to get out of her mother’s house and into a place of her own she could call home.

The heatwave that had enveloped the town hadn’t diminished at all throughout the day. Regina could feel the beads of sweat that started to roll down her back as she walked down the street. She turned the corner and saw the park behind the town hall just up ahead and decided then and there what she would be doing for the next hour or so. The pond was a peaceful spot, one she had some fond memories of, especially with her father. There were fond memories with Emma and Henry there at that very spot too, picnics, long lazy afternoons in the shade of the trees, even stolen kisses while Henry ran off after the ducks he liked to chase.

She wasn’t the only one there in the park, though there weren’t many as it was dinner time and she suspected most were at home with their families by this time. She embraced the quiet in the park, walking along the path down to the pond as she listened to the few birds that were chirping in the trees nearby.

It had been nearly a week since her return to Storybrooke. It felt like longer and at the same time, it barely felt like it’d been that long at all. So much had happened and she had slipped once already, fell down that rabbit hole as her demons won. After her conversation with Kathryn, she started thinking about that specific moment when she’d let the power of her inner demons win. It hadn’t felt good, but there had been some sense of relief, and that relief had only been temporary until she had to bear with the inevitable hangover that came with it all.

Regina knew she couldn’t beat herself up about it. She’s slipped and broken her sobriety and had to start all over again. It wasn’t her fault and it was, but she had to accept that she hadn’t been strong enough at that moment, just as she had to accept that she was strong enough _now_ to not slip up again.

She picked up her phone as she sat down on the bench a few feet away from the bank of the pond and stared blankly down at the screen. Her inbox was full of unread emails, thirty-seven of them in fact, but she didn’t bother to open the app, and instead, she pulled up her messages and opened David’s.

He was her sponsor. He told her to call or text any time she needed him. She didn’t need him, per se, but she needed someone to talk to, someone that wouldn’t judge her or drag her down. Someone who wouldn’t leave her with a host of conflicting emotions that would most definitely drive her to drink just to chase them all away.

She called him instead of sending a text and lifted the phone to her ear as a few ducks flew in and landed gracefully in the still, green water in the pond. It rang and rang and she was about to hang up when he finally answered and sounded a little out of breath.

“Hi, David,” she said. “It’s Regina.”

“Yes, hi, how are you?” he asked. “Are you coming to the meeting tonight?”

“There is a meeting tonight?”

“We have a meeting every night, remember?”

Regina sighed. “Yes, I recall you telling me that. Where is it being held?”

“The public library. Belle was so kind as to let us use the space while the renovations are completed at the high school. Are you able to make it on time? We start within the hour.”

“I will, yes. I’m just at the park.”

“Wonderful.” A beat. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, David, I just--I will be attending the meeting tonight. I’ll be there shortly.”

“If you need a ride, I can get Mary Margaret to swing around and pick you up?”

“It’s a five minute walk. I am sure I can manage, thank you. I’ll see you shortly.”

“I’ll send out a search party if you aren’t here in ten minutes,” David joked. Regina sighed, said goodbye, and hung up the phone.

Regina sighed again and ran her fingers through her hair, her short nails snagging on a few knots. She took a few deep breaths before she got up from the bench and headed down the path that led out beside the town hall. It felt like a blur as she walked out to Main Street and then to the library. She saw a few people she recognized from the meeting the other day walk into the front entrance of the library, and it made her pause before she crossed the street and walked inside.

Belle greeted her with a friendly smile, one that went stoic when Regina told her she was there for the meeting. Belle directed her to the basement where the meeting was being held, and after showing her the stairs and the old elevator, Regina opted to take the stairs and headed down.

“You can call off the search party,” she said to David as she approached him from behind in the small room just off the stairwell.

“Hi, Regina.”

“Hello, David,” she said. He smiled before moving in for a quick hug that was nothing short of feeling awkward. “Is there anything you’d like for me to help out with?”

“We just need to set up the chairs,” he replied as he motioned over to the stack of hard plastic chairs that a few others were already starting to set up in the middle of the small room. “Mary Margaret just stepped out to pick up some drinks and snacks.”

“Is it an open meeting tonight?” Regina asked and he looked at her curiously, almost confused. “If Mary Margaret is going to be here, does that make this meeting an open one?” she clarified. He shook his head ‘no’ quickly.

“She’s not planning to stay, she’s just helping out with drinks and snacks. We only have one open meeting a week, depending. If you like, I can let you know ahead of time if there is someone you’d like to bring along with you?”

“No, no, it’s fine, I was just wondering. I’ll help the others get the chairs set up.”

David reached out and gently grabbed ahold of her arm just above her wrist. “Are you all right, Regina?” he asked softly. “Is there anything you need to talk about before the meeting starts?”

“No. I’m fine. I just thought I should be here.”

“All right. It’s good that you are here.”

Regina walked over to the few men that were putting out the chairs and smiled politely as one handed her a chair and pointed to the middle of the room. She bit her tongue, biting back some remarks as the man had a heavy stench of booze wafting off of him. It was no more than five minutes before David pulled that man aside to talk to him ,and the two of them left the room and returned a few minutes later together.

“Charlie, I know it’s hard, but if you want to be here, that means you cannot show up drunk.”

“Was drinking last night not today like I told ya,” he muttered incoherently. “Today is day one. Again. It’s been fourteen hours since I last had a drink, Dave.”

“All right,” David replied with a frown that quickly turned into a forced, tight smile. “Day one. Remember, you have a sponsor, Charlie, I want you to utilize that as a tool to keep you from drinking. Can you promise me that if there is a next time that you will call your sponsor before you start drinking?”

“Yes, sir.”

Regina placed the second chair she’d grabbed from the stack in the half circle of chairs before she felt a tremor rumble through her. She didn’t belong here with these people. She wasn’t like any of them at all. These people had real problems, real issues, and they struggled far more than she did when it came to staying sober.

She made a beeline for the door and nearly ran straight into Mary Margaret who was carrying a large box of pastries she’d picked up from the diner. She barely managed to avoid a collision with the brunette and grabbed onto the box of pastries before they went flying.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Mary Margaret exclaimed. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and--”

“Are the pastries okay?” Someone shouted from behind them. “Tell me they are okay!”

“They’re fine!” Mary Margaret laughed uneasily as she took the box from Regina’s hands. “Where are you off to in such a hurry, Regina?”

“I’m just going to--”

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes. I can’t be here. I don’t even know why I am here.”

Mary Margaret frowned as David rushed over to them and took the box of pastries from his girlfriend with a flourish. “You’re leaving?” she asked Regina and it made David stop as he turned to walk away. “The meeting hasn’t started yet.”

“I know. I just--I shouldn’t be here.”

“I got this,” Mary Margaret said as she shooed David away and grabbed ahold of Regina’s left hand before she led her out towards the stairwell. “I know we don’t know each other, Regina, but if you are here right now, there has to be a reason.”

“I thought I should be here, but I thought wrong, so I should just--”

“You did the right thing coming,” she said and Regina scoffed. “I know I don’t personally know what it is like to go through any of this. I don’t drink. But,” she said and paused as two men passed by them and headed into the room. “But I do know that meetings can help. The support this group has for one another is incredibly inspiring.”

“Well I’m glad you feel inspired, but this isn’t--” Regina sighed and shook her head. “I think these meetings work for everyone else. For me, I don’t think it’s what I need.”

“Have you given it a chance?”

“I came for a meeting the other night.”

“One?”

“Yes. One.”

Mary Margaret frowned. “Is that really giving it a chance, Regina?” she asked, her voice timid. “I know we don’t know each other, but I don’t think you really have given the group the chance that it deserves.”

“You’re right. You don’t know me. I would appreciate it if you would unhand me, Mary Margaret, and keep your damn opinions to yourself.” The woman let go of Regina’s hand with a small gasp. She tried to apologize, but Regina silenced her with only a hard look. “You may be David’s girlfriend, but you are not a part of this group. You have _no_ idea what any of us have gone through to be here right now. You have no idea what _I_ have been through, so I would appreciate it if you would stay out of my business.”

“I’m sorry!”

Regina scoffed and headed up the stairs. She made it to the landing before she heard Mary Margaret calling out for David, and within seconds, he was running up the stairs behind her.

“David, don’t. Please.”

“Are you leaving? Why?” he asked and moved to stand in front of her before she could ascend up the rest of the stairs. “Regina, as your sponsor, you owe me an explanation. I know I cannot force you to be here or to stay here, but why come here only to leave before the meeting even starts?”

“I feel as if I don’t belong here, David,” she replied softly. “Everyone else, they have real problems.”

“You don’t think you have real problems?”

“I do, it’s just--David, I don’t belong here.”

“Well, you are _welcome_ here if you want to be here,” he said and cleared his throat before they both stepped aside as a few people walked down the stairs past them. “I would like for you to stay, to give the group another chance. Do you think you can do that?”

“I--”

“I’m not asking for you to do it for me or for anyone else other than yourself.”

Regina sighed. He was right. She knew he was right. She had to do this for herself. She lifted her hands to wipe away at the tears that had started to fall and scoffed as she stared at David for a moment and then shook her head.

“I’ll stay.”

“Good. I’m glad.” David motioned for her to follow him back down the stairs and they stopped after descending the last step. “If you feel the same way after the meeting tonight, maybe you could consider another option.”

“Therapy?” Regina asked and he nodded. “David, I’ve tried therapy before. It didn’t work. I don’t think that is a route that is a viable option here.”

“Dr. Hopper is very good,” he replied and she had to fight from rolling her eyes. “As I said, if you feel the meetings really aren’t going to work for you, you should consider giving Dr. Hopper a call. He meets with just about everyone here regularly. I can vouch for him as well.”

“I know Dr. Hopper. I’ll consider it, David.”

“That is all I ask. Now come on, we should finish setting up before everyone else gets here. Did you get ahold of Troy earlier?” Upon her nod, he smiled and draped an arm around her shoulders as he led the way back into the room. “So, are you buying it?”

“It depends on how the inspection goes tomorrow morning, but yes, I am considering it.”

“My offer still stands,” he said and he dropped his arm from around her shoulders. “I am quite the handyman. I can help fix up the house if you’re looking for any help.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Mary Margaret said as she slipped into their conversation with ease. “He is _really_ good with his hands.”

Regina cringed and tried to laugh it off. “I’m sure,” she said drolly. “Thank you. I appreciate the offer, David. I may just take you up on it _if_ I purchase the house.”

“It’ll give him a project, something to keep him busy,” Mary Margaret said. “For you as well, I imagine. David said it’s good to keep busy. It’s a well-needed distraction that--”

“Mary Margaret, could you go help the guys set up the snack table? I’ll be right over,” David said gently. Thankfully she got his subtle hint and hurried off. “Sorry. I know that she can be a bit much at times.”

The tension that had been building up in her tight muscles started to ease. She smiled, a genuine smile, and gave David’s shoulder a small squeeze. “She seems like a wonderful person, David,” she said softly. “I can see why you two are dating.”

“We’re getting married in a couple of weeks, actually,” he smiled as he stared at the brunette across the room looking like the fool in love that he was. “Just a small thing. I would like it if you came. I’ve already asked Kathryn if she’d come, but she hasn’t given me an answer yet. You know how it is.”

“I’d love to come, David.”

“Perfect,” he said with a bright smile. “I’ll have Mary Margaret send you an invitation with all the details.”

Regina hadn’t expected the conversation to turn that way, but if there was one thing that David Nolan was good at, it was at distractions. A wedding would be a nice distraction even if just for one night. It went to show that things really _were_ different and that while everyone was still much of the same as they’d always been, they had all changed, David too.

It had also served as a good distraction in taking her mind off of why she had started to panic and tried to leave. Her mind was stuck on the thought of the upcoming wedding, of what it would be like, where it was, who would be there, and it kept her from getting up out of the chair and walking out until David finally started the meeting promptly at six o’clock.

“Hi, my name is Charlie,” the booze-smelling man said as he stood up from his chair, albeit a little shakily, after David was finished opening the meeting up with his few welcoming words. “I am an alcoholic. I went twenty-six days without a drink until yesterday. Today is day one.”

Regina could not only see but feel the support in the room as everyone applauded and congratulated him for being there tonight. There was no judgment. Only support and positive, caring well-wishes on his road to recovery.

She thought she didn’t need to be there. She thought that she didn’t belong there. She knew she was wrong. She was like everyone else in that room. No one was experiencing it quite the same way, but they all knew. They knew what it felt like to struggle, to fall, to struggle to pick yourself back up again and to try, try again.

[X]

Regina walked out of the library after the meeting with the feeling as if a weight had been taken off of her shoulders. It was unexplainable and yet, she chose to embrace it because it felt better than the way she’d felt earlier. She felt freer, in a sense, and it gave her a little pep in her step as she walked down Main Street.

With that weight gone, her mind wasn’t filled with thoughts that pulled her under. No, there was only one thing on her mind as she walked down the street and that was wondering how Emma would react to her asking her to be her date to David and Mary Margaret’s wedding. There was that and the fact that her stomach was growling, a none-too-subtle reminder she had skipped dinner in favor of attending the meeting.

She walked past the diner, choosing to head back to her mother’s house and find something to eat there in favor of battling the crowd inside the busy diner. She hurried her pace when she heard the tell-tale rumble of thunder off in the distance, a sure sign that the heatwave they’d been enduring was about to come to an abrupt end and soon.

The first fat and cold drops of rain started not even five minutes later as she rounded the corner onto Mifflin Street. She started to run but stopped as soon as the few droplets of rain turned into a torrential downpour. She laughed as she stopped on the sidewalk and let the rain just soak into her clothes, her hair, and skin. A little rainwater wouldn’t kill her, though her phone might not survive.

And she just didn’t care.

 _Whoop-whoop_. The sound of the siren chirping behind her made her jump. She placed a hand over her racing heart and turned to look back just as the sheriff’s cruiser pulled up along the side of the road beside her, and the passenger window rolled down slowly.

“Regina, what are you doing out here?” Emma asked as she leaned over the passenger seat to look at her.

“I’m just out for a walk.”

“In the rain? Jesus, Regina,” Emma laughed as she reached over to push the door open. “Get in, I’ll give you a ride, okay?”

Regina laughed as she pushed back strands of wet hair that clung to her face. “It’s fine,” she said as she tried to casually wave Emma off. “I’m nearly there. I’m already soaked to the bone, a few more minutes won’t--”

A loud boom of thunder cracked and it was _close_. It made Regina jump, and she was clamoring to get inside the sheriff’s cruiser before a few streaks of lightning flashed overhead, and another loud boom of thunder followed almost immediately.

“Thank you,” she said quietly as Emma pressed the button on her door to put the window up. “What are you doing out here?”

“Patrol,” Emma replied and she made no move to start driving. “What are _you_ doing out here? Taking a walk in the middle of a thunderstorm? Are you crazy?”

“To be fair, it wasn’t raining when my walk started.”

“It’s not just raining,” Emma said and she pointed out excitedly as another crack of thunder made the ground and the car shake. “Where are you headed?”

“To my mother’s house.”

“Cool,” Emma replied and she placed both hands on the steering wheel hesitantly. “So, you’re staying there again tonight?”

“Yes.”

Emma nodded and reached for the gear shift, hesitating once again. “Are you hungry?” she asked. Regina couldn’t help but laugh as she nodded her head. “Me too. I was going to stop by Granny’s but it’s really busy tonight. Do you want to go somewhere and get a bite to eat with me?”

“If you’re on patrol, doesn’t that mean you are working right now, Emma?”

“I’m due for a break,” Emma replied with a nonchalant shrug. “So, what do you say?”

“Are you asking me out to dinner?”

“If I say yes, are you going to say no?”

Regina looked down at her wet clothes in disbelief. “I’m hardly dressed appropriately to go out anywhere for dinner right now, Emma.”

“Right, but that wasn’t a no, was it?” Emma asked as she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “Was it?”

“No,” Regina laughed. “How long is your break?”

“As long as I want, just as long as I don’t get a call,” Emma said, her eyes lingering over Regina’s chest for a beat before she looked into her eyes and smiled. “I just jinxed it, didn’t I?”

“Perhaps, but I wouldn’t say no to some food right now.” As if on cue, her stomach growled, and Emma laughed. “I fear I am starting to sound like you, Emma.”

“Just a tad. Not that there is anything wrong with that, am I right?”

“Confident and full of yourself, hmm?”

“I’d rather be confident and full of some food, so, how about it?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, you said you were on your way to your mom’s and it just so happens that that is exactly where I was headed when we ran into each other.”

“You practically pulled me over for a traffic stop, dear.”

“I pulled you over for a traffic stop?” Emma full-on laughed. “What, like with a line or something? Hey, babe, I’m pulling you over for…what? Jaywalking?” Another laugh fell past her lips and Regina chuckled as it felt like butterflies had taken flight deep inside her stomach. “Anyway,” Emma continued and she shifted the cruiser into drive and pulled away from the curb. “I was heading there anyway. Leftovers.”

“Do you do that often?”

“Hmm? Do what?”

“Stop by my mother’s house to eat leftovers while you’re working?”

Emma laughed, her eyes on the road ahead, and nodded. “She insists if I am in the neighborhood that I stop by for some food if I can,” she said. “Your mom has kept me well fed for years. I’m not one to turn down good food, after all.”

“No, you never have, have you?” Regina laughed lightly. “I find it odd.”

“Why?” Emma asked automatically and she then clenched her jaw tightly as silence filled the cruiser. “Right. You’re not used to things the way they are. It’s easy to forget if you don’t know a damn thing, huh?”

“Emma--”

“Sorry, I’m not trying to start something,” Emma said and she pulled over to the side of the road in front of the house and parked along the curb. “I keep forgetting how much you don’t know. I’ve had a rough day, so I’ve been kind of on edge, and I didn’t mean to take it out on you just now.”

“You weren’t and you’re right,” Regina replied. “There is a lot that I don’t know. I apologize. I realize that things like this are normal for you and everyone else now. I just find it very odd.”

“I get it.” Emma paused as she turned off the car and slid the key out from the ignition. “I forgot how weird it’d be for you to see me be a part of this family.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean? It freaks you out, doesn’t it?” Emma asked and Regina scoffed. “It does! Oh my god, Zelena was right.” Emma’s eyes widened suddenly. “Don’t ever tell her I just said that.”

“I don’t know if that is the right word,” Regina replied as calmly as she could muster. “But yes, it freaks me out in ways that I can’t quite describe. I don’t know how to get past any of it either, so I apologize, Emma. I’m having a hard time adjusting. To everything. _With_ everything. I--I don’t want you to think that I--”

“That you what?” Emma asked quietly. The sound of the rain falling seemed to get louder as they sat there in the parked car. “Regina?”

“I had a conversation with Kathryn today,” she started and held up a hand when Emma went to speak. “I told her that I don’t think that I deserve you, Emma. I don’t. I don’t deserve you, and for whatever reason, you seem to think that I do. I am trying.”

“I know.”

“I want nothing more than to just _be_ with you again, like we used to be, because that is what I truly want and I know that I can’t have that. We can’t have that. We might still be similar, but we are very far from being the same people we used to be a decade ago. I know that I never stopped being in love with you, but how can I be so sure that I am actually still in love with you and not the idea of you?”

“Let’s figure it out,” Emma whispered. “Let’s figure out what it all really is. Together.”

“As in _dating_?”

“Sure,” Emma chuckled. “If that’s what you want to call it.”

“Well, what would _you_ call it then?”

“One day--no, one moment at a time. Just do what feels right.” Emma leaned over the center console and smiled as Regina found herself to be doing the very same thing. “I just really want to kiss you right now.”

Her admittance came just easily and Regina shuddered as a chill suddenly ran through her. She shivered again, her damp clothes clinging uncomfortably to her skin. She trembled as Emma closed the small gap between them and placed a lingering kiss upon her lips.

A low rumble of thunder pulled them apart momentarily, and as the rumble turned into a loud crackling boom, they were kissing again, desperately.

The center console made it impossible, and uncomfortable, but they didn’t stop kissing, and their hands were reaching, grasping, pulling at one another to try to close the gap between them to no avail. Regina pulled back with a gasp and Emma reached out, slipping a hand to the nape of Regina’s neck gently before she pulled her right back in to continue their lascivious kiss. Regina all but melted into Emma and groaned as her left knee banged hard against the center console and jerked them both apart.

Regina moaned quietly as she thought back to all the times they’d spent inside a car, Emma’s Bug usually, and how many times just a kiss or two in the front seat led to some seriously uncomfortable backseat sex. Though before whenever they did do just that, the car was parked somewhere quiet and private, and not in front of her mother’s house in the middle of a thunderstorm.

The windows were already starting to fog up and Regina couldn’t help but laugh. Emma looked around and shrugged as she stroked her fingers along the nape of Regina’s neck. It was comforting and yet only served as a reminder to Regina that all she wanted was for those very fingers to be elsewhere--everywhere. Her little daydream, her trip down memory lane of those times they spent awkwardly and uncomfortably fucking in the backseat of a car fading as they were memories from a different time and a different life.

“Was that one of those moments you were talking about?” Regina asked softly.

“Yeah, one of them,” Emma murmured in reply, her fingers still dancing over the nape of Regina’s neck and sending shivers down her spine. “Is that okay?” she asked. “Or is it too…odd for you?”

Her voice was teasing, but at the same time, she sounded a little concerned. Worried, even. Regina smiled and leaned in to place a small kiss upon Emma’s slightly parted lips.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve kissed in a car outside of my mother’s house.”

“No, it’s not, is it?” Emma laughed. “I was thinking about some other things we used to do in a parked car. Do you remember?”

Regina moaned softly as a flood of memories started to come back again at Emma’s admittance that she too was thinking of the very same thing. What she wouldn’t give to not only be inside of Emma’s head at that moment but inside of her too while they fumbled around in the backseat with one another. She glanced into the backseat and frowned at the barrier that sat between the backseat and the front of the car. That was not a part of the many memories she had of the two of them in a car, and she wasn’t naïve to think that they could recreate some of those very memories in the back of the sheriff’s cruiser.

Another time, another place, another life. A different vehicle, most definitely.

“So,” Emma drawled out as she moved the hand from Regina’s neck and down over her right shoulder lightly. “Am I the only one thinking about--”

“No,” Regina replied quickly. “No,” she repeated in a calmer voice. “I was thinking about that too, but,” she paused as she looked around the inside of the cruiser and laughed. “I don’t think it is very professional for you to be making out with a woman in your car.”

“I never was one to follow the rules. You know that.”

“You’re the sheriff now, Emma,” Regina said as she raised an eyebrow at her. “Really? You have this important job, a very important one may I add, and you’re still a stickler for breaking all the rules?”

“Never said anything about breaking them, just said I don’t always follow them.”

“Is that so, Sheriff Swan?”

“When it comes to you?” Emma asked with a slow drawl to her voice that made those butterflies in Regina’s stomach take flight again. “Yeah. I want to break the rules. All of them.”

Emma sighed as her phone buzzed and she picked it up from the holder on the dash. She had the screen open to a series of texts from Zelena. “We’ve been caught,” she said sadly. Regina reached out to grab her wrist before she could put her phone back down.

**_Are you seriously in your car and making out with my sister? My, oh my, Sheriff Swan, if only the taxpayers knew how their sheriff spends her time on duty. If it’s not Regina, I will kill you._ **

“She totally would,” Emma muttered under her breath and she laughed as she reached for the door handle. “Not that it wouldn’t be you,” she said quickly. “But, you know. And for the record, Regina, I _hate_ it when anyone calls me Sheriff Swan. Everyone but you.”

“Is that so?”

Emma nodded and leaned forward, stopping just shy of Regina’s lips. “Oh yeah,” she murmured softly. “It turns me on when you say it.”

Regina all but pushed Emma back before she could kiss her. She knew if she didn’t, they’d definitely end up in the backseat of the cruiser. She was the first to jump out of the car and run through the torrential downpour to the front door with Emma not too far behind her. They were laughing as they stood under the roof over the front steps that did nothing to keep the rain from soaking them both.

And as odd as Regina had felt before, it didn’t feel that way as Emma kissed her on the front steps under the rain.

It felt _right_.


	39. Chapter 39

Emma didn’t stay for long, just long enough to eat what Regina knew the moment she smelled it in the air when they walked in that it was definitely not leftovers. Her mother had cooked a fresh dish of lasagna, maybe not necessarily just for Emma, but Emma was invited. They had been _expecting_ her.

It wasn’t odd at all in the sense that it actually was.

Regina had followed Emma into the kitchen, and she had said not a word as she watched her mother greet Emma with an elaborate hug and a kiss to the cheek. Not odd at all. She then listened as the two chattered back and forth, and then she watched as her mother _served_ Emma a plate after insisting she sit down beside Regina at the table. Her mother didn’t get out a plate for her, didn’t ask her if she wanted anything to eat, and instead, the only thing that Cora said to her was for her to get out of her kitchen and to change her clothes.

That wasn’t odd. That was typical of Cora.

What was odd was the fact that it appeared that her mother was actually sober. She noticed it after she did as she was told and changed into dry clothes. There was no wine, no cider, no trace of any alcoholic drink, just the tall glass of Coke that Cora had hurried to pour for Emma and the small glass of sparkling cucumber water she’d gotten for herself. Regina got her own water, her own plate of lasagna and by the time she had sat down at the table with them, Zelena was storming into the kitchen in a huff and Emma’s phone was ringing that annoying police siren ring.

She didn’t stay long after Emma left, quickly eating her self-served piece of lasagna and she took her glass of sparkling cucumber water upstairs with her. She didn’t leave her room all night, either, avoiding her mother and sister like the plague.

She also didn’t mean to fall asleep as Emma told her she’d call once her shift was over for the night. It was early when she woke, the sun wasn’t even up yet, but she felt more well rested than she had in a few weeks. Possibly longer.

Regina read through Emma’s texts that had been sent just after midnight and after she’d tried calling her. One was asking her if she’d fallen asleep and the other came not long after that wishing her a good night and asking her to call back in the morning.

Five o’clock in the morning was far too early for her to call Emma back. Instead, she sent her a text confirming that she had fallen asleep and quickly apologized. She placed her phone in the pocket of her robe she’d slipped on to make the trek downstairs to put a pot of coffee on and nearly jumped a mile when her phone starting ringing.

Emma’s name was on the screen when she finally managed to pull it out of her pocket. She hurriedly and clumsily turned down the ringer volume before she answered the call.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Emma chirped. It caught Regina just as off-guard as the phone call itself did. “Regina? Was that a bit too much? Hello?”

“Yes, hello, Emma. I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to call me right now,” she stammered and cleared her throat, composing herself a little before she let out a quiet laugh. “Why _are_ you calling me so early? Shouldn’t you be sleeping right now? You did just work a double-shift, after all.”

“I have the day off today,” Emma replied. “I can always go back to sleep for a bit.”

“I think you should do just that, Sheriff Swan.”

“Oh baby, you sure know how to get my motor going early in the morning,” Emma teased and Regina rolled her eyes. Somehow she knew Emma knew that she did just that because Emma started to laugh. “I can’t sleep.”

Regina sighed as she walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk container. The coffee was nearly finished, and she placed the milk down on the counter next to the empty mug and sighed again.

“Why can’t you sleep?”

“It is gonna sound kind of crazy, but I’ve been thinking about you all night.”

“Is that so, Sheriff Swan?” Regina was sure to draw out the name Emma admitted turned her on when she said it. “My, oh my, what kind of things have you been thinking of, hmm? Do share.”

“Regina,” Emma all but whined and Regina couldn’t stop the laughter that spilled out. “Why are you teasing me? You know what that does to me. Especially,” she said, and she paused, but not before a moan slipped past her lips. “Especially when you use that voice.”

“Which one?”

“That one, the one that makes you sound like, I don’t know, a fucking sex goddess.”

“Emma, go back to sleep or just go to sleep. You are obviously exhausted as it is showing in your delirious accusations. I am not a sex goddess.”

“I beg to differ.”

“And I beg you just to go back to sleep, Emma, it’s early and you…” And she what? Regina groaned as her mind fogged over, and she tried to chase away all those naughty little thoughts that were trying to invade her mind. “You deserve to get some proper rest. The town needs its sheriff…well-rested.”

“What are you doing right now? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I have slept and now I am awake and waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. I have a busy morning ahead of me and--”

“Unlock the side door, I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

“Emma--”

“What?”

“Go to sleep,” Regina said, enunciating each word with a firmness in her voice that meant business. “I mean it. Do not come over here.”

Regina swore she could actually _hear_ Emma pouting and it took everything she had not to start laughing again at the ridiculousness of their entire conversation. She frowned when she heard the sound of a door opening and closing and groaned as she heard a car engine start. Emma definitely wasn’t listening to her at all, but that was nothing new or even unexpected.

“Emma, what are you doing?”

“I’m coming over, like I said, so you might want to unlock the door for me, okay?”

“Emma.”

She glared at her screen when the call ended with eyes wide in worry. Emma was coming over. There. To her mother’s house. Like it was something she just _did_.

She quickly looked down at her reflection of the shiny toaster on the counter and fixed her hair and wiped at her eyes before wondering if she had enough time to run upstairs and make herself look a little more presentable. She caught herself in those flurry of anxious thoughts and laughed at how ridiculous she was being.

They had spent years together and her first thing in the morning look was not something Emma wasn’t used to. She felt ridiculous for even thinking about it in the first place. It didn’t stop her from running her fingers through her hair, albeit a bit wild since she’d fallen asleep without letting her hair dry completely after her shower last night.

Regina made a beeline for the door when she heard a car pull up in the driveway and she unlocked it just as Emma sauntered up still wearing her pajamas and her hair up in a messy, loose bun that made her look impossibly even more beautiful than ever before.

Adorable, too.

Not to mention incredibly sexy in the way she smiled when Regina opened the door for her. If “Sheriff Swan” had Emma’s motor running, so to speak, hers was running just from the very sight of said sheriff in--were those _Winnie the Pooh_ pajama bottoms she was wearing?

Adorably ridiculous.

“Hi.”

Because if she weren’t already in love with Emma Swan, that would’ve been the very moment that she would have fallen for her. And she was falling in love with her all over again. How could she not?

Regina stepped out onto the cool concrete step and all but leaped into Emma’s arms, her hands grasping at Emma’s face before she kissed her deep and desperately. Emma was quick to react, her arms immediately slipping around Regina to keep her from falling. She felt Emma smile into the kiss and then stumble before letting Regina down gently on her feet.

“You smell like Henry.”

Emma laughed. “Not something I expected to hear right now from you, but--” she said and shrugged as she pointed down at the too-big hoodie she was wearing. “I just grabbed his sweater and left. I’m pretty sure I left my phone in the car and I can’t remember if I locked the door or not.”

Regina lightly tapped Emma’s chest just below the zipper then tugged on it playfully. Emma wiggled her eyebrows and leaned in for another kiss, but Regina stopped her with a single finger to her lips.

“What were you expecting to hear, Emma?”

“I--I don’t know,” she stammered. “Fuck.” Emma pushed at Regina’s hips before she took a step back and dropped her hands. “This isn’t a booty call.”

“Hmm?”

“This,” Emma said as she awkwardly gestured between them. “I really can’t sleep and I came over for coffee.” She paused as she leaned towards the open door and inhaled deeply. “Did you use the Kona beans?”

“I did.”

“I came for the good coffee,” she chuckled as she pointed a finger at the door. “And to hang out with you,” she added with a smile that made Regina’s heart race.

Regina bit her bottom lip as she tugged on the zipper a little, pulling it down to reveal the white tank top Emma wore underneath. “To hang out?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow as she stared at Emma’s lips and deliberately let her eyes trail up until they were locked with Emma’s in an intense gaze. “Is that right?”

“Sure,” Emma replied with a light chuckle and she reached out to grab ahold of Regina’s hips before sliding her hands to the underside of her thighs. “And maybe for another kiss like the last one, too, because _damn_ , I wouldn’t mind more of that, babe.”

She lifted Regina with ease and Regina wrapped her legs around Emma’s waist, laughing until Emma’s lips fell upon hers in an unhurried yet passionate kiss. She gasped and grabbed onto Emma’s arms and pulled back from the kiss in mild surprise, marveling at just how strong Emma truly was now. Emma didn’t let her stray too far, pulling her right back in for another deeply longing kiss.

Yeah, she wouldn’t mind more of _that_ , either.

She froze as her back suddenly thumped against the side of her mother’s car and she held her breath as Emma winced and froze too, all while keeping a firm grip on Regina. Regina waited and waited, but thankfully, the car alarm wasn’t set off, and she exhaled sharply before motioning at Emma to let her down on her feet. She smoothed out her robe once her bare feet were on the ground again and gods, she truly could not resist Emma Swan, could she?

She really couldn’t.

Her hands fell to Emma’s hips and she pulled Emma flush against her as they fell back into another hot, frantic kiss. One against her mother’s car and once that really hit her, she started to laugh, and it jarred Emma back from her lips in a flash.

“What is so funny?”

“We’re--against my mother’s car--we--”

“Breathe,” Emma chuckled as she leaned in to nuzzle her nose against Regina’s before placing a soft kiss to her lips. “Just be grateful she forgot to hit the alarm button. That would have been a hell of a way to wake up half the neighborhood, right?”

“That would’ve been mortifying.”

“Still afraid to be seen with me?”

“No, that’s not it, I--”

“I’m joking,” Emma chuckled. “Come on,” she said as she reached for Regina’s hands and started to walk backward, leading her towards the door. “Coffee, delicious coffee awaits. It’s what I came for, after all.”

“Not a booty call.”

“No.”

“Because that is so very beyond all of this, isn’t it?”

“Sure,” she laughed and stopped before she took a tumble off the concrete step because she wasn’t looking where she was walking. “Just thought we could hang out, too.”

“You’ve said that already.”

“Clarification,” she said with a small shrug. A sly smile curled over her lips mere seconds later, and Regina just shook her head, laughing in spite of it all. “So? Shall we? Coffee, I mean,” she said after a brief pause and Regina nodded, allowing her to lead the way inside with one hand firmly clasped in one of her own.

“Is this normal?” Regina asked once they were in the kitchen and Emma had busied herself with pouring them each a cup of coffee.

“What is?” Emma asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“You showing up here in the morning with your pajama’s still on,” Regina replied. “I’m guessing it’s not, is it?”

“No, it’s not, not really. Unusual that I’m here in my pajama’s and it being my day off, so yes, but not entirely that unusual.” Emma lifted Regina’s mug off the counter and carefully handed it to her and smiled. “Usually,” she said quietly, “someone knows I’m coming over. Zelena, mostly. I’ve kind of been avoiding her since yesterday.”

“Why?”

Regina couldn’t hide her amused smile at the way Emma cringed and tried to cover her reaction up immediately. Emma turned her attention to her own mug and lifted it off the counter, succeeding in not spilling a drop until the rim touched her lips and that small tentative sip she took made her gasp as it singed at her lips.

“That’s really hot.”

Regina laughed and carefully placed her mug down on the island countertop beside her. “It is. Be careful, dear, I have plans to kiss those lips again, and I’d prefer for them to be intact when I do.”

Emma whimpered and then yelped as her coffee spilled over the edge of the mug and all over her borrowed hoodie. “Holy shit, that is _really_ hot!” she said in a panic as she struggled to get the hoodie unzipped and all but yanked it off. “Jesus.”

“Are you all right?” Regina was a little slow to react, now too focused on Emma in her tight and thin white tank top rather than on the fact there was coffee all over the floor now too. “Did you burn yourself?”

“I don’t think so,” she sighed in relief as she looked at the few little drops of coffee that had soaked through the front of the hoodie before she’d taken it off in a panic. “Barely a singe. I’ll survive.”

“Good. I’m relieved,” Regina replied drolly. Emma rolled her eyes at her blatant sarcasm. “Now that you’ve likely succeeded in waking up everyone in this house, you clean up this mess, and I’ll throw Henry’s sweater in the wash.”

Regina was out of the kitchen as quickly as her feet would take her without it being too obvious she was running away at the first chance she got. Things were getting a little too intense between her and Emma and it was nothing short of overwhelming. It had been nearly a week now since they’d had sex and it was beginning to feel as if every interaction just caused the sexual tension to build and build and Regina was about ready to _burst_.

It was odd enough to have her family knowing, openly, that she was in a relationship with Emma and an affectionate one at that. It still felt odd how accepting everyone was. It left her feeling very unsettled and conflicted.

Conflicted only because she was so aroused it was bordering on painful.

She walked into the mudroom and pulled open the door to the washing machine before she paused and glanced down at the black hoodie she held in her hands that smelled strongly of coffee and sugar. And Henry.

It was in that very moment that she was wishing that this whole thing was a booty call, as Emma had so eloquently put it because it seemed a hell of a lot easier than dealing with the heavy burst of emotions she was feeling. It was very clear that Emma wanted it too, and what were they doing? Fighting it?

Absolutely _ridiculous_.

She shoved the hoodie inside the machine and shut the door forcefully before she marched back out into the kitchen and up to Emma. She grabbed onto her bare, strong arms and all but pushed her back up against the edge of the counter and kissed her. Hard.

Emma’s fingers slid into her wild hair and kissed her deeply, eliciting a moan that rumbled through both of their bodies. Emma’s hands moved to the collar of her robe and groaned as she tugged on it once, twice, and then her hands were pulling at the knot on the belt and Regina was digging her nails a little too hard into Emma’s sculpted biceps. Emma was the first to pull back from their heated kiss and she gently grabbed Regina’s hands to release them from the iron-clad hold she had on her.

“You’re vibrating,” Emma whispered and Regina stared at her blankly. Huh? Emma laughed and she reached into the pocket of her robe and pulled out her phone. “You have a call.”

“Oh.” Regina absent-mindedly took the phone from Emma’s hands and blinked down at the screen. Gold. “I need to take this.”

“Why is he calling you at five-thirty in the morning?”

“That is what I would like to know, give me a moment and then we will continue this,” she said and groaned as she answered the call and lifted the phone to her ear. “Good morning, Robert, I hope you aren’t calling with bad news? It is rather early…”

Not bad news, but not great news either. He wouldn’t be able to make it out to the house for the inspection. Family emergency. He did not elaborate and Regina did not question him further. She scrambled to find a piece of paper to write down the combination for the key box so that she could let Marco in herself and by the time she was finished with the phone call that likely could’ve waited another hour at the very least, the moment she and Emma had been in was lost completely.

They were no longer alone by the time that phone call was over either. The little fiasco with Emma spilling coffee over her like the klutz she was had woken up Zelena and drew her down to investigate and then deciding to join them for coffee.

Not long after that, Cora made a brief appearance, skipping coffee in favor of meeting ‘the girls’ for breakfast at the country club instead that morning. She engaged in quick small talk with Zelena and Emma before she was off, breezing out of the kitchen as quickly as she had breezed in.

“What is up with her?” Regina asked quietly, mostly to herself and she looked up in surprise as Zelena answered.

“She’s trying the whole sober thing,” she said drolly. “We’ll see how long it lasts this time.”

“At least she’s trying again,” Emma said. “That has to count for something, right?”

“How many times has she done this sober thing?” Zelena countered. “Too many times, darling. Too many. How many times has she failed? Every single time. So forgive me if I don’t sound too supportive right now.”

“So, you’re just going to give up?” Regina scoffed. “You know, it doesn’t matter how many times a person falls, what matters is they have someone there to help them back up when they need them.”

“Is that what you learned in AA, Regina?” Zelena snapped.

“No, that’s what I learned living through a life of hell. Recently, especially.”

“Yes, a life of hell you brought upon yourself.”

“We all fall, one way or another, Zelena. Sometimes we can’t get back up on our own.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Zelena asked. “Because I am pretty sure Mother won’t get the proper help that she needs and it won’t be from any of us.”

“This isn’t just about her.”

“Oh, it’s about you, isn’t it?” Zelena asked and Regina was starting to see red. Emma, she put herself in between them and she faced Zelena, pushing her back. “Don’t, Emma. This is between Regina and I. Don’t put yourself in the middle of this.”

“I am already in the middle of all of this, Zee. You know better than anyone else that I want to see Cora get some help and that I think, no I know you have no right to talk about her like that. She’s done some horrible things, yes I know, I get that, but she like everyone else is trying. Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, we need to support her in this. We need to support Regina, too. Don’t you get that? They both need us. All of us.”

“What if I’m tired of all of this?” Zelena asked, and with tears in her eyes, she looked over at Regina and pointed at her with a single shaky finger. “You have no idea what it has been like over the years. You’ve only just seen a glimpse, but you haven’t lived it.”

“I lived through my own hell, Zelena, thank you very much.”

“Zelena, stop,” Emma pleaded with her. “What has gotten into you this morning?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s early,” Emma supplied and Regina could see the small smile dancing over her lips. “Maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“Possibly. Chad stayed over last night.”

“Who the hell is Chad?” Regina asked with a laugh. “You’re seeing someone, Zelena? After the hell you’ve put me through about Emma, you failed to tell me that--”

“I’m shagging someone, there is a difference, dear.” Zelena rolled her eyes and wiped at her tears. “It’s nothing serious.”

“Does Chad know that?” Emma chuckled and she ducked out of the way of Zelena’s swat to her shoulder barely in time. “Okay, well, you know what I was thinking? Why don’t we do more to help her this time?”

“Like what?”

“Lock up the booze,” Emma replied without hesitation. “Get rid of what can’t be locked up. Simple as that. This is the perfect opportunity to change the locks while she’s out with the girls. You know she’ll be gone for hours.”

“That is a good idea,” Regina said quickly as she grabbed ahold of Emma’s hand. “Unfortunately you are on your own, Zelena. Emma and I have plans.”

“We do?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “You’re coming with me to the house this morning, remember? It’ll give you a chance to see the place, too.”

“Right,” Emma replied with a slow nod. “Of course. Inspection. Marco. Keys.”

“Emma?” Regina laughed. “Stop talking.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

[X]

Regina was finding it hard to concentrate on Marco explaining his findings as she followed him around the property and then the house itself. Her attention was mostly drawn to Emma as she watched Emma look around, almost as if she was conducting her own personal inspection of the place Regina was considering calling home in the very near future.

The furnace would need replacing before the fall. Part of the front porch needed new planks and sanding elsewhere before it was stained to match. The appliances, while old they still worked, and everything appeared fine with the electrical aside from a few light fixtures that would need to have bulbs replaced. No cracks in the windows, walls, or foundation. The roof was in good shape, another five years Marco was predicting.

All the house needed was a few minor repairs, a good clean, and a thorough paint job.

Regina had come prepared for the inspection. She had stopped at the library to print off the forms she would need Marco to sign before she presented her offer formerly. While Marco filled the forms out in his truck, Regina wandered to the yard in the back and found Emma standing between two large trees with a rather giddy smile on her face.

“This is perfect!”

“For what?” Regina asked curiously as she joined Emma under the shade beneath the pair of trees. “Perfect for shade? For plentiful leaves in the fall to rake? For allergies in the spring when the trees start to bloom?”

“No,” Emma laughed. “For a hammock!”

“Are you serious?” From the look on Emma’s face, Regina knew she was very serious. “What on earth would I need a hammock for, dear?”

“To relax in!” Emma exclaimed. As if it were obvious. It was obvious she was being ridiculous. “You could just, you know, chill out here. Swing and sway. Read a book, have a cup of coffee or tea out here or something. You don’t know how amazing hammocks truly can be, do you?”

“And you do?”

“Well, I can only imagine,” Emma chuckled sheepishly. “Anyway, that solves my problem.”

“What problem is that?”

“Your housewarming gift, of course!”

“Your housewarming gift to me is going to be a hammock?” Regina asked incredulously. “I definitely think you should’ve stayed home and gotten some sleep. It seems that you’re getting a little bit delirious if you think that I am going to ever use a hammock.”

“Delirious?” Emma scoffed mockingly. “Seriously? Here I was thinking not just of _your_ comfort with all the time you can take just relaxing now, but I was thinking about what would make this place more perfect than it already is. Delirious? Whatever.”

“Oh, I get it,” Regina laughed, finding it far too much fun to tease Emma extensively. “You want it because _you_ want to come over here and relax in it yourself, don’t you?”

“Maybe.” Emma deadpanned before she broke into laughter. “I was thinking we could do that together sometime.”

“Both of us?” Regina was skeptical. “You and I in a hammock? Together?”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

“Says the one who has never been in a hammock in her life.”

“How do you know I haven’t?” Emma said, trying and failing to sound sly, and she laughed. She winked as she put her sunglasses on casually. “First time for everything, right?” she said quietly. Regina did not miss her none-too-subtle little eyebrow wiggle that had her arousal starting to rev up quickly. “Anyway, in case you haven’t picked up on it, I approve.”

“I didn’t bring you along for your approval, Emma,” she said as she looked at her dubiously. “But I am glad that you like it and that it lives up to your expectations.”

Emma grinned, proudly almost, and casually slung an arm around Regina’s shoulders before turning her to look up at the house. “Are you doing this?” Emma asked. “Are you making an offer?”

“Do you think that I should?”

“It’s not up to me,” Emma replied and her smile did not fade. “But if it was, I’d say you’d be pretty stupid to pass up on this place. It seems perfect. Perfect for _you_.”

_For all of us. For our family._

“Do you want a moment or--?”

“No, it’s fine. I think I’ve made my decision.” Regina gulped, heart racing and for more than just the obvious reasons. “I’m going to buy the house.”

“Yeah?” Emma was beaming. She was excited. Probably more excited than Regina was supposed to be feeling. “Aren’t you excited?”

“Should I be?”

“Well, yeah. You’re about to buy a beautiful house. The land isn’t too shabby, either. It is very exciting. Does it feel like home?”

_It does now._

“Yes,” she whispered and leaned into Emma with a small smile dancing over her lips. It felt like home because Emma was there. “It does now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who continues to leave comments! I love reading them (even if I don't respond, sorry if you expect that!) Will try to update on Sunday as usual, but it is the long weekend here in Canada and I have plenty of plans to spend most of it in a pool!


	40. Chapter 40

Wednesday at noon. That’s when she was told she’d have the keys to her new home after all the necessary paperwork was filed, the money and the bank, the lawyers, everything dealt with and finalized. She did everything from her car with her phone, three phone calls, and a twelve-page document to digitally sign that she did with just a few taps on the screen.

Easy. Done. It definitely hadn’t been that easy when she and Emma bought the house on First Street together, but everything was easier when you had enough money.

She’d been fortunate to have been on both sides throughout her life, with many lessons learned from both. There were certain positions she refused to fall back into and financial worry was one of them. A thing of the past. Could she have afforded the house without the money her father had left her? Not without a hefty down payment and a mortgage for the next thirty years.

Maybe it was a little bit of fate at work. Her father always wanted her to come home even if he never said the words out loud. She remembered all those silly little dreams they had together of one day owning a piece of land just like the place she’d bought, with a house and a barn, just a place to _be_. The old Levingston farm fit those silly little dreams perfectly.

Just about.

She knew she had to stop calling it the old Levingston farm too because it was her home now. Well, it would be once the repairs were done and she could move in. It needed a name. Emma had suggested it on the drive back to town. Regina was stumped, and Emma promised her that she’d figure it out when she least expected it before she dropped her off at her mother’s house on the way home to check in on Henry.

And then she’d be back later, just to _hang out_ , as she kept referring to it as. It felt a little endearing that Emma wanted to spend her day off with her and at the same time was trying hard not to overstep any boundaries, to push too quickly, to rush things between them.

They had pole-vaulted over that line a week earlier and playing this game ever since. It was so incredibly ridiculous that it left Regina with a few doubts. Some about the house, most of them about Emma, about what they were doing, and what it all really meant.

She knew she was being ridiculous too, thinking the way she was, feeling the way that she did.

She also knew that taking things slow with Emma was incredibly fucking stupid.

They weren’t strangers. They hadn’t just met and were going to U-Haul it and move in together after the first date. They had history together, they had shared some difficult and rather intimate moments together. They still loved each other, for god’s sake, so Regina was beginning to struggle with the idea of what slow meant and why it didn’t mean they had to start all over again.

It was those very thoughts that led her to pack up her things, including the suitcases that had been salvageable after the accident, and she dragged everything over the few blocks to First Street in the middle of the afternoon and under the hot sun, the heatwave very much still lingering after yesterday’s storm.

She was a sweaty, huffing and puffing mess when she knocked on the side door of Emma’s house and waited for her to answer the door. She failed miserably to hide her disappointment when Henry opened it up, headphones on, frown firmly settled in place.

“Nice to see you too,” he muttered as he cocked his head to the side. “You looking for Mom?” he asked and shrugged. “She went out. Said she’d be back in a bit. Bitched about how hot it was in here and left.”

“The fans aren’t helping, are they?”

“No. Neither is the fact that I’m still stuck in here until Monday. Forty-eight hours, give or take, right?” Henry scoffed. “Did you walk here?”

“Yes.”

“In one trip?”

“Yes,” she groaned quietly. “A mistake on my part. May I come in?”

“Yeah, you don’t have to ask,” he laughed. “Or knock. Mom said--” Henry stopped and stepped back from the door as he held it open. “I was trying to fix the fans, reposition them for the best maximum airflow. Mom messed them all up last night and the place is unbearably hot. You might want to rethink…that.”

Regina laughed as Henry pointed at her luggage. “Yes, I suppose you might be right,” she said, the hot sticky air inside the house indeed unbearable. “Did you manage to sleep at all last night in this?”

“Just a bit. I know Mom couldn’t sleep. Heard her up all night.”

“Doing what?”

“Watching TV, I guess? She did a lot of pacing, too. It was weird. And creepy.”

“Don’t ever use the word creepy when you talk about your mother, kid. I raised you better than that.”

“Gah!” Henry jumped as Emma suddenly appeared in the kitchen. “See, I told you! Creepy! Where the hell did you come from?”

“Front door and watch your language, kid,” Emma replied with a shrug and she smiled wide as she looked at Regina. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I think she’s finally taking you up on your offer, Mom, she’s moving back in,” Henry said with a shrug as he pointed out to the luggage still sitting on the driveway. “Whatever. I’m going to go and try not to die of heat exposure in my room while you two figure out your shit once and for all.”

“Henry--oh forget it,” Emma groaned as Henry slipped past Regina and then her and into his room before she could react. “It’s not that bad in here, is it? He’s just overreacting. Right?”

“It is a little…uncomfortable.”

“So,” Emma motioned at the open door and at her things. “What are you doing here, Regina?”

“Well, it’s not quite how Henry phrased it, but I am taking you up on your offer to stay here instead of at my mother’s house. It’s only for a couple of days.”

“Right.”

“Are you retracting your offer?”

“No, no, the offer still stands, always,” Emma said in a rush. “Sorry, the heat is getting to me. I had to step out for a bit and ended up going for a little walk. I saw you. You didn’t see me. Perfect opportunity to sneak up on both you and Henry.”

“You’re such a child, Emma.”

“It was hilarious.”

“Mildly hilarious,” Regina tutted. “You are not as funny as you like to believe you are, Emma Swan.”

“I am fucking hilarious,” Emma said and she laughed as she stepped outside and grabbed two of the larger suitcases. “It’s a good thing I’m nice and strong now, isn’t it?” she said teasingly and Regina rolled her eyes. “What, it turned you on earlier, didn’t it?”

“Emma--”

“It did,” she drawled out as she placed the suitcases down by the kitchen table and took a few steps towards Regina. She huffed as Regina abruptly stopped her from swooping in for a kiss. “What--”

“We need to lay down a few ground rules,” Regina said evenly. “You invited me to stay countless times already, and I am taking you up on your offer.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“To stay on the couch,” Regina finished a little haltingly. “As a guest.”

Much like she’d done when Henry answered the door, Emma failed to hide her disappointment. “At least take my bed, Regina,” she said. She walked back over to the door and stepped outside to grab the other two pieces of luggage. “I’ll stay on the couch. As my _guest_ , you should at the very least be comfortable. Not too much I can do about the heat, though. Not until Monday at the earliest. You may want to rethink taking me up on the offer to stay here all together at this point.”

“We’ve survived through heatwaves much worse than this one though, haven’t we?” Regina laughed at the memory of the summer when Henry was a toddler and before they’d gotten the now broken AC unit installed. “It got so bad that after five nights you slept in the backyard under the stars.”

“Now that is a great idea. How do you feel about camping out under the stars with me tonight, Regina?”

“I’ll pass. I still have scars from the hundreds of bugs that bit me that night.”

“It wasn’t hundreds, it was--”

“--forty.”

“I know. I counted them every time I put calamine lotion on them for you for like a week after that. Is that why you refused to go camping after that summer?”

“I didn’t refuse, Emma, we were just working all the damn time and we never--we couldn’t afford any time off after that summer.”

Emma turned to shut the door with a heavy sigh. “I know. I remember.” She opened the door back up and fanned at her neck. “It’s really fucking hot in here. Do you want to get out of here for a bit?”

“Gladly.”

“But?”

“Henry,” Regina said with a frown. “It hardly seems fair that we can leave and escape this heat box and he can’t.”

“Who cares? He’ll be able to have his freedom back soon enough.”

“That’s horrible.”

“He said I was being creepy. He’s lucky that’s as horrible as it gets right now. It could be a whole lot worse.”

“I don’t even want to know, do I?”

“Nope.”

They ended up in the backyard under what little shade they could find. They had only just finished dragging the patio table and chairs into the shade when Regina’s phone started vibrating in the back pocket of her light capris, and she fumbled to slip it out before whoever was calling reached her voicemail.

It was a number she didn’t recognize, but she answered it promptly. It was the moving company she’d hired to bring her belongings and furniture from New York, and they were now ten minutes outside of Storybrooke. In a panic, she hung up and quickly explained to Emma her current problem.

All of her belongings were coming to Storybrooke and she had _nowhere_ to put any of it.

Emma jumped into action and they were driving to her mother’s house not even five minutes after that phone call that had sent Regina into a panic. Emma parked the Bug on the street and instantly marched up to the garage and opened the side door. Regina didn’t bother to protest, didn’t bother to tell her that there was no point, and she watched with mild amusement as Emma walked back out of the garage and frowned.

“There is a lot of stuff in there.”

“It’s all Zelena and Robyn’s from when they moved from England.”

Emma frowned deeper. “Well, what about the basement?”

“Have you seen my mother’s basement?” Regina laughed. “There are things down there that have been down there longer than I’ve been alive. I can only imagine the state of it now after all these years.”

“What about the attic?” Emma asked. “No? Shit. Okay, well we got what, three minutes before the moving truck gets here to figure this out. How much stuff do you have?”

“Mostly furniture. Boxes of things. Books, mementos, amongst other things. Kathryn said she packed up everything. It’s not a lot but,” she said with a pause as she looked at the garage door and frowned. “It’s too much and there is no room here. Gods, I never make mistakes like this. I always plan ahead. I never forget to--”

“It’s okay,” Emma said quietly and Regina glared at her. “I’ll help you figure it out, okay? Is there no way you can somehow just store all your stuff in the barn until you get the keys?”

“I doubt it, Emma.”

Regina heard a rumble of an engine first and then she saw the large moving truck turn onto the street. Panic flooded through her again, harder this time, and Emma looked as cool as a cucumber as she whipped her phone out of the back pocket of her jean shorts and held up a finger.

“I got this. Give me a minute.”

“They’re here.”

“I know, just give me a minute, okay?” Emma said and she was scrolling through her lengthily contact list before she called someone and walked away, chattering almost excitedly to whomever it was on the other line.

Regina approached the driver’s side of the truck after it was backed into the driveway carefully beside her sister’s car, her mother’s car still gone since that morning. An older man hopped out of the truck with a clipboard and approached her with a gruff smile.

“Ms. Mills?” he asked with his eyes on the paper on the clipboard and not her. Regina nodded and extended a hand in greeting, one he did not take. “Where would you like us to unload?”

“Actually, I ran into a slightly unexpected problem. Is there any way that you and your crew could wait for a couple of minutes?”

“We’re on a bit of a tight schedule here, Ms. Mills. It’s been a long drive and we have to get back. We have a big job first thing tomorrow morning and my guys--”

“Just a few minutes, please?” Regina asked, trying to sound like she wasn’t begging, but she was. Just a little. “I just need five minutes.”

“Ma’am, no offense, but you knew that we were scheduled for this afternoon. If you failed to make arrangements, then I--”

“Hey,” Emma said as she jogged over to where Regina and the grumpy man were standing by the truck. “Is there any way you guys can change the delivery elsewhere? It’s not far,” she said quickly, a charming smile dancing over her lips as she stared up at the man. “We ran into a bit of an unexpected problem. You see, we thought we could move everything here, but the garage is full, and we clearly seem to have forgotten until now. So, could you guys just take this truckload and unload somewhere else?”

“Ma’am, we are on a tight schedule--”

“It’s less than ten minutes away,” Emma scoffed. “How tight of a schedule are you on?”

“We just spent most of the day driving up from New York,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t know if you realize how long of a drive that is, but I know myself and my crew have already had a long day--”

“Of driving.”

“Yes,” he stammered. “We have a job we need to be back in the city for first thing in the morning. We’re already a little behind schedule and--”

“Look,” Emma said and she paused as she pointedly looked at the nametag sewn on his blue polo shirt. “Carl. I am just asking if you can change the delivery address. Can you do that for me?”

“I don’t know. As I said, we--”

“You’re on a tight schedule, I get it. It’s been a long drive, and it’s hot as hell, and I’m sure you guys just want to get this job over and done with,” Emma continued. “I get it. But she’s been waiting for her things, and yes, she failed to make proper arrangements, but neither of us realized just how full of shit the garage is. Mistakes happen. Oops.”

Carl rolled his eyes and looked back at his crew that was standing by the back of the truck, waiting for directions. “Ten minutes, you said?” he asked and scratched at the back of his bald head. “I don’t know.”

“You guys just drove all this way, right?” Emma asked and Regina raised an eyebrow at her curiously. Was she subtly _flirting_ with this man? “I’m sure another ten minutes on the road isn’t going to make much of a difference now is it?”

“I suppose not. Let me talk to the guys. What is the address?”

Regina’s eyes went wider as Emma told the man the address, David Nolan’s address, and she shook his hand before giving him a broad pat on the shoulders and turned to Regina with a big smile. A smile that faded upon seeing the look on Regina’s face.

“What?” Emma asked. “I called David. He owes me a favor and I’m cashing in.”

“I cannot put all my stuff in his loft, Emma. That is insane!”

“No, I know that, but he has a storage unit in the building he isn’t actually using, and said you can fit what you can in there. Said he’ll help us figure out the rest, too.”

“I won’t let you use the favor he owes you for me.”

“It’s too late now,” Emma said pointedly as the moving truck pulled out of the driveway. “Come on, David said he’ll meet us outside. Carl looks like a man who won’t wait much longer without a little monetary payment for any inconveniences while doing his job.”

“We don’t like Carl, do we?”

“Nope,” Emma laughed and she led the way down to the Bug. “We definitely don’t like Carl.”

[X]

If there was ever a way to spend a late afternoon on a Saturday during a heatwave, it was watching Emma as she stubbornly tried to make the boxes fit into the storage unit in the basement of David’s building. In a tank top. Sweaty. Those _arms_. Regina could not stop staring at her.

And Emma knew it, too. She was milking it. Flexing and posing ridiculously every so often solely for Regina’s amusement.

Emma being, well, _Emma_ , managed to hurt herself twice in the process.

The first happened when she tripped over a rolled up rug and stumbled into the wall, managing to cut her forearm. One band-aid later, she was back to work on trying to fit the thirty or so boxes into the tiny little closet that David called a storage unit.

The second came when she fit the second to last box in, just, and turned around with a triumphant grin. Seconds later, several boxes fell out, a heavier one landing on her foot and another hit her in the head.

She was okay, thankfully, and after a bit of rest that David demanded she take, she was back to work and refused any help from anyone, determined to get everything to fit on her own. The show stopped and Regina leaned against the wall and watched as Emma declared in a huff that the last five boxes were not going to fit in there no matter what she did.

“It’s just not going to fit,” Emma sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s fine. You tried, dear.”

“Don’t patronize me,” Emma muttered and placed a hand over where the band-aid was on her arm. “I injured myself for you. Be gentle.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Regina tittered as she walked up to Emma and placed a hand over hers. “It’s barely a scrape.”

“I was bleeding.”

“Mary Margaret patched you right up though, didn’t she?” Regina laughed. “But thank you for helping, Emma.” She sealed her thank you with a soft kiss to Emma’s lips and a firm squeeze of her biceps before she pulled back with a satisfied smile.

“I’m glad you appreciated my moves,” Emma said. “I don’t think David and Mary Margaret did, though.”

“Did you know they are getting married soon?”

“Yeah. I’m in the wedding.”

“Oh?” Regina looked at her curiously. “I didn’t know you were friends with David.”

“Yeah, I am. Though I’m more friends with Mary Margaret than David, but they’re kind of a package deal these days,” she replied and laughed lightly. “What? Is that weird for you too?”

“Just surprising,” Regina said. “Bridesmaid?”

“One of them, yes,” Emma laughed and she bent down to pick up a smaller box from the ground. “I would’ve asked you, but I already have a date. Sorry.” Emma cringed. “It’s your sister. She’s making me take her. It’s a whole thing. I keep hoping she’ll forget about it and that’s one of the reasons I’ve been avoiding her.”

“Well, I hope you enjoy your date with my sister because I was going to ask you if you minded if I invited Henry as my date?”

“You want to take Henry to the wedding as your date?”

“Yes. I do. If he’d like to accompany me, that is, and if you’ll let him. I know he’ll be grounded during that time and I wanted to ask you first.”

“Sure,” Emma said and she put the box down on top of another. “I’m sure he’ll say yes, if not, I hope he lets you down gently.”

Regina scoffed. “He won’t say no,” she said and Emma laughed. “If he does, I’ll kick his ass.” Upon Regina’s tentative eyebrow rising up, she continued, “or you know, ground him for another month.”

“That’s harsh.”

“Tough. He made the choice to go out that night. Yeah, he didn’t do any of the things they accused him of, but he was still there. He’s lucky he’s not grounded for the entire summer. For the most part.”

“Everything okay down there?” David called out before he walked in a moment later. “Need a hand or anything?”

“I told you, I got this,” Emma chuckled. “Got everything in but these.”

“Did you use up both of them?” David asked curiously as he pointed to the other door next to the one Emma had just finished filling up. “I was so sure that it would all fit.”

“There was another one?” Emma asked incredulously. “Oh my god, are you serious? Do you know how hard that was to get everything into that little closet?”

David tried not to laugh. He took one look at Regina and burst out laughing. “Oh right,” he said in between fits of laughter. “You weren’t down here when I told Regina about both of them.”

“You knew?” Emma turned to her and shook her head before she too started to laugh. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I think she was enjoying your show a little too much,” Mary Margaret said as she walked into the room. “Are you guys finished up down here yet or--?” She stopped and looked at the boxes on the floor and then at the empty storage unit next to the overly full one. “Oh. You didn’t use both of them, did you?”

“Nobody told me there was two!”

“Oh Emma,” Mary Margaret tittered as she patronizingly patted Emma on the arm. “You tried and that’s all that matters.”

“Thank you,” Emma boasted proudly as Regina looked on in confusion. “That means a lot coming from you, Mare.”

“Oh, you are very welcome,” she smiled brightly. “You did a great job and showed some excellent problem-solving skills, though your attention to detail could use some improvement.”

Regina was even more confused and David stepped in, laughing. “Mary Margaret was Henry’s fourth-grade teacher,” he said and _now_ it started to make a little more sense to Regina how Emma was friends with that woman. Just a bit. “Emma seems to always be seeking out acknowledgment from her. It’s a thing. It’s always been a thing.”

“A thing?”

David nodded. “Don’t question it. Just accept it and go on with your life. It’s easier that way.”

Regina turned her attention back to Emma and Mary Margaret. Emma was beaming proudly as Mary Margaret inspected the overly-full storage unit and continued to compliment her on her work. Unbelievable.

“Why don’t we move some of these boxes into the other unit,” David said and he stopped in his tracks as Emma held up both hands and moved to stand in front of the full unit.

“No. We are not moving any of these boxes. You are not going to destroy two hours of work. It needs to be kept as it is to be appreciated. Is that right, Mary Margaret?”

“Oh yes, absolutely, but I think--”

“No,” Emma said firmly. “We’re not touching a damn box. Do you have any idea how long it took to get everything to fit just right?”

“Two hours,” Regina deadpanned. “And I am very appreciative that you spent so much time making it all fit, just about,” she said, pausing to point at the remaining boxes on the ground. “I’m just wondering if the door will even close though? That box is sticking out just a bit too much, don’t you think?”

“What? This one?” Emma turned and shoved at the box just above her shoulders and grinned as she turned and shut the door. “See? It fits.”

Emma barely dodged out of the way in time before the door swung open and several boxes tumbled out. Regina pinched at the bridge of her nose when she heard a muffled crinkle in one of the boxes as something broke.

Wordlessly, Emma started picking up the fallen boxes and carried them into the empty unit beside the full one. David began to help without a word, and Mary Margaret turned to Regina, her frown turning upside down rather quickly.

“Would you like to come upstairs for a cup of tea?”

“That would be lovely,” Regina replied. “We’ll leave these two to it, hmm? So, tell me, Mary Margaret, how long have you been teaching for?”

[X]

After tea with David and Mary Margaret, and a long-winded one-sided conversation with Mary Margaret about _everything_ under the sun, Regina and Emma drove back to the house and found Henry laying out in the grass in the backyard in only a pair of shorts and nothing else.

It was too hot in the house. Hotter than it had been earlier. He moaned and complained about how close he was to dying, not a stark contrast to his earlier mood at all really, and one Emma was hardly phased by.

“Regina had a great idea earlier,” Emma said when Henry was finally finished moaning and complaining. “Why don’t you go get the tents out of the basement, and we’ll set them up, have a little camp out in the backyard tonight?”

“Can we have a fire, too?”

“Sure.”

Henry was up and in the house in a flash to get the tents out of the basement. Emma looked at Regina with a shrug.

“What?” she asked. “It was a good idea.”

“It wasn’t exactly an idea, Emma, and I am not sleeping in a tent on the ground outside.”

“You know, Henry hasn’t had a campout in the backyard since he was like twelve. It’ll be fun. We’ll have a fire, roast some marshmallows, tell scary stories in the dark, snuggle under the stars and make out after he goes to bed…what do you say?”

“I repeat, I am not sleeping in a tent on the ground outside tonight.”

“It’s hot as hell in the house. You won’t be able to sleep.”

“I’d rather sleep in a hot bedroom on a nice, comfortable bed, than on the ground outside where I’ll wake up with a sore back and a million mosquito bites.”

“Forty.”

“Whatever,” Regina groaned. “I can deal with a little heat. Bugs, absolutely not.”

“Suit yourself,” Emma shrugged as she headed for the back door. “Kid, what is taking so long? We’re gonna start losing light out here if you don’t hurry it up!”

Three hours later, Regina was curled up on a blanket a few feet from the firepit and snuggled into Emma as Henry poked at the burning logs with a long stick. Both tents were set up at the back of the yard and the air mattresses were blown up, blankets and pillows and bug spray all ready and waiting inside both.

The day had not gone at all the way Regina imagined it would. From the very beginning until now, it had been a day filled with little surprises and unexpected changes in plans due to her lack of preparedness. Most of all, she was feeling _happy_ for the first time in a very long time, and that was the most surprising thing about it all.

She was happy because of Emma.

Spending time with Emma, or hanging out as she’d put it, had taken her mind off of everything else. It reminded her of a time in her life when she was happy like that all the time and Emma just so happened to be the reason for her happiness before, too.

Even spending time with Emma and Henry as they hung out in the backyard around the firepit made her happy and had her reminiscing about the past when they had nights very similar to that one, nights they spent together as a family. She felt…complete and it was a feeling she had spent far too long chasing and one that had been waiting for her all that time right where she left it.

At home.

It felt like it used to, but it was different at the same time. Henry wasn’t a little kid anymore and could no longer turn a blind, innocent eye whenever Emma none-too-sneakily snuck a kiss in with Regina. He made up rules. One of them came when Emma draped a blanket over her and Regina even though it wasn’t cold at all and demanded that their hands be visible at all times just as Emma’s hands started wandering over Regina’s legs underneath the blanket.

And it all felt so _right_.

It left Regina with a permanent little smirk on her face and a full, content feeling in her heart. It left Emma a little frustrated, though she couldn’t seem to stop smiling either.

“Did you ask him yet?”

Regina shook her head and laid it back down on Emma’s shoulder and said, “No. Not yet.”

“You should ask him now.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Henry asked. “Ask who what?”

“Regina wants to know if you want to be her date to Mary Margaret and David’s wedding?” Emma asked and Regina groaned quietly. “I told her I’d kick your ass if you turned her down.”

“Why would I turn her down?” Henry laughed. “I will if Mom lets me off the hook from being grounded that day.”

“You’re off the hook, kid. For one day only.”

“Then yes,” Henry said with a small bow and he smiled at Regina. “I would love to be your date to the wedding, Gina. I turned Mom down when she asked me.”

“Kid, you didn’t have a choice. Zee _forced_ you to turn me down,” Emma chuckled.

“Actually, she bribed me, but if that’s how you want to look at it, then that’s cool with me,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug and a sly grin. He ducked out of the way as Emma pulled out a marshmallow from the bag in her lap and tossed it at his head. “Hey! Stop wasting food, Mom!”

“What did she bribe you with?” Regina asked and Henry held up his hands with a shake of his head. “How much did she _pay_ you?”

“Fess up, kid.”

“I promised her I wouldn’t. She hasn’t held up her end of the deal yet!” Henry groaned. “Please don’t take that away from me, Mom. Isn’t sacrificing my freedom for the summer punishment enough?”

Emma threw another marshmallow at his head with a chuckle. “How much, kid?”

“Enough to buy my beautiful and awesome mother a gift with it,” he said with a charming smile and ducked out of the way of the third marshmallow that was thrown at his head in the last few minutes. “Whatever. I’m going to bed. You two just, you know.”

“Figure our shit out once and for all?”

“Yeah. That.”

“On that note, I’ll head inside and leave you two to your air mattresses and bugs,” Regina said and laughed as Emma grabbed a hold of her and kept her right where she was. “Emma--”

“Will you stay out here for a bit with me, Regina?” Emma asked as Henry waved them off and headed into his tent. “Please?”

“Okay fine. I’ll stay. But only just for a little bit longer.”


	41. Chapter 41

Emma further proved how stubborn she was when she refused, repeatedly, to join Regina in bed inside. Flat out refused. She even pouted profusely.

Not at all that different than it used to be, really.

Emma Swan was determined to stay outside and sleep in the tent. Arguably, it was cooler than it was inside the house, but it wasn’t enough--nor was Emma’s tempting offer to cuddle all night--to keep Regina out there with her.

Regina retreated to Emma’s bedroom in the hot, stuffy house, and she stripped down to her underwear and borrowed one of Emma’s tank tops before she crawled into Emma’s bed. She never minded the heat, not even at night. She’d spent most of her time away from Storybrooke in places where AC was a luxury she usually couldn’t afford. Once she was in New York, and especially after the first summer she was there, she didn’t bother with AC as the breeze at night was just enough to keep things bearable.

She managed to sleep for a handful of hours before she woke up, her skin sticky and sweaty and hot, and the sound of the fan on the dresser clunking every time it oscillated to the left. Her hair was stuck to her forehead, and she groaned as she pushed it back and glanced over at the clock. Three o’clock, on the dot.

A soft moan slipped past her lips as she stretched out on the middle of the bed and turned her face into one of the pillows. She was hit with the scent of Emma immediately, and it caused her core to clench and a surge of pure arousal flooded through her body. She could smell mostly the shampoo Emma used, though it was one of the cheap store brands, it had always smelled good on her. She could smell a hint of just Emma lingering in the pillowcase, and she turned a little more, inhaling deeply as another surge of pure arousal thundered through her.

Gods, this was why she didn’t want to stay there. All she could think about was how badly she wanted Emma. There was almost nothing stopping her from jumping her bones, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. After they’d been caught having sex all night and the next morning, she’d ended up at the bar drinking because she could not handle what she was feeling in that very moment. So now she was so sure she wasn’t able to handle what she was feeling yet again and nothing had happened.

Aside from the kissing and the subtle yet teasing touches all night long, nothing had actually happened because she had refused to give into Emma’s pleas and stay outside in the tent with her.

It felt as if she was on autopilot as she got out of bed and quickly dressed in the pants she’d had on hours earlier. She was two steps away from the front door before she realized what she was doing. Her demons were winning and she had almost let them.

“It’s three in the morning,” Emma said quietly from behind her. “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere,” Regina replied shakily as she squinted into the darkness and saw Emma sitting on the couch. “What are you doing inside?”

“Air mattress popped so I decided to crash on the couch instead.”

“I see. Couldn’t rough it like you used to?”

She heard Emma sigh, faint over the sound of the four fans that were set up in the living room. “Will you come and sit for a minute?” she asked quietly. “What’s going on?”

Regina didn’t move from where she stood those few steps away from the front door. She didn’t move until Emma turned on the lamp beside her. The first few steps she took were the hardest. They felt the heaviest. The frown, the worried look on Emma’s face changed with each step, and Regina took Emma’s hand when she reached out and sat down as Emma smiled at her.

“What’s going on?” Emma asked softly. “Regina?”

“Nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing if you’re walking out of here in the middle of the night.”

Regina stammered as she tried to find the right words. She was so used to deflecting away from really opening up to anyone and she didn’t want to do that to Emma. She couldn’t.

“I’ve been struggling,” Regina murmured. “I’ve been too…proud to ask for help. Too stubborn. Too selfish.”

Emma lifted the hand she was still holding and placed a soft kiss to her knuckles. It was such a small yet loving gesture, one Regina hadn’t been on the receiving end for a very long, long time. It was simple. It felt right. It was exactly what Regina needed.

“It’s okay,” Emma whispered as she pulled Regina against her side. Regina could feel her breath against the side of her head before she felt Emma’s warm lips as she kissed her ever so softly. “What do you need?”

What did she need? She needed this, exactly what Emma was giving to her. That’s what she needed. An anchor. “You,” she said. “I need you to stay and talk to me.”

“I’m here.”

“I need you to listen,” she continued. She moved to sit a little bit away from Emma, but she did not let go of Emma’s hand. That was her other anchor. “I feel as if it has been a very long time since anyone just listened to me.”

“You’ve got my full and undying attention, Regina.”

She had a lot more than that and they both knew it.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

Emma let go of her hand and slipped her arm around her shoulders. “Maybe start with why you were about to walk out at three in the morning? Where were you going?”

“Nowhere.” Regina frowned and leaned into Emma. Feeling Emma against her, warm and soft, it pulled up deep emotions that caused hot tears to well up in her eyes and spill over. “I’ve had a lot on my mind. It’s a little overwhelming at times. It’s always been like this. I just stopped knowing how to deal with it properly. The right way.”

She closed her eyes as more tears spilled forth and reveled in the feel of Emma taking her right hand in hers. Emma stroked over her shoulder gently, a small encouraging gesture for her to continue.

“It’s not easy realizing what a horrible person you’ve let yourself become and that you are the reason for your own self-destruction.”

“Regina, you are not a horrible person.”

“It’s always easier to turn a blind eye, to walk away or to run. There are a lot of things, a lot of emotions and feelings and thoughts that I have never truly dealt with. Losing my father let them all loose again. I thought I finally had my life under control, that I was doing better, that I was trying.”

Regina trembled as she felt Emma press a kiss to the side of her head and let her lips linger just for a moment. The hand that held hers trembled a little, and she opened her eyes to look at Emma, blinking past the tears to see that she was crying too.

“I thought I was over you,” she whispered. “I was wrong.”

“This is about me?”

“No. No,” Regina sighed. “Not just you, but you are a part of all of it. Not entirely in a bad way,” she clarified. “If you think I spent the last ten years thinking about you, you are right, but I have also spent the last ten years trying to do anything but that. I wanted to forget everything, you, everyone, and I wanted to forget how much it hurt after I left. Instead of trying to fix things between us, I self-destructed. Over and over again.”

“You were really pissed about those dishes not being done, huh?”

Regina stifled a laugh, and as more tears fell, Emma let go of her hand and quickly wiped them away, her fingers lingering on her cheek. “It was about more than that,” she sighed. “It was…everything. How did we get there, Emma? How did we let ourselves get to that point?”

“I’ve spent a long time trying to figure that out myself,” Emma said and she wiped at her own tears before she leaned in to rest her head against Regina’s gently. “It feels different now, doesn’t it?”

“Yes.” The admittance came easily and Regina wet her lips and tried to swallow past the lump that was rising in her throat. “It terrifies me if I’m being honest with you.”

“Why?” Emma asked. “You know how I feel about you, Regina. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change that. Are you afraid you’ll break my heart again? That you’ll hurt me and Henry again?”

“It’s not just that. I’m afraid of what it’ll do to me.” Regina was trembling almost uncontrollably and she moved away from Emma to push at the fan on the coffee table that was blowing on her. It was irritating. “I was sober for a little over three months, Emma, and after we were together all night, after we were caught the next morning, I slipped. Hard. I didn’t even try to stop. I just--I can’t do that again. I won’t. So yes, it terrifies me because I lost all control after being with you.”

Emma was silent, the emotions that were crossing over her face and in her eyes completely unreadable. Regina had never felt more vulnerable than she did then and she was scared. Terrified.

_It’s Emma._

She could trust Emma.

She used to. She could do it again. And she wanted to.

She needed to.

“Then we’ll wait until you are ready,” Emma whispered, her voice interrupting the storm of thoughts in Regina’s head. “However long it takes. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I truly do not deserve you.”

“I felt that way when I first met you,” Emma said and she smiled, tears streaking down her cheeks as she turned on the couch to face Regina fully. “You were the first person to ever really love me. Like truly love me. You were the first person I ever loved, too. The only one I’ve loved really. Aside from Henry, of course.”

“Of course.”

“You are the only one for me, Regina,” Emma continued and she exhaled shakily before she lifted the bottom of her too-big t-shirt and wiped at her tears. “I don’t know all the reasons why and we’ll be here all night if I start telling you about the ones I know about already,” she laughed and reached out for Regina’s hands, pulling them into her lap. “No one else even comes close to you and do you know why?  You are an incredibly amazing woman, Regina. In every single way, even in your flaws, even at your worst and lowest. You don’t deserve me? I don’t deserve you, but I am going to try to be everything you need, everything you want, everything you deserve, and I won’t stop trying until I get it right.”

Regina surged forward and kissed her. She was a wreck, her emotions were tearing her apart, and she wasn’t the only one. She could feel Emma’s sobs ripping through her as they clutched onto each other, kissing deep and slow, pouring every ounce of emotion into one another with just a kiss.

“What do you need, Regina?”

“You,” she whispered, her voice heavy and thick as they stilled, lips a hairsbreadth apart. “I need you, Emma Swan.”

“You have me.”

Emma pulled her legs onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her. Regina let the last of her tears fall against Emma’s shoulder and she inhaled deeply as she leaned into her neck and just allowed herself to enjoy the content feeling that washed over her from being held in Emma’s arms.

“What can I do to help you get through all of this that you’re going through?” Emma whispered against the top of her head. “I want to help you in any way that I can. I don’t know how to unless you tell me.”

“This is good,” Regina replied, her voice shaky and soft. “Right now, this is what I need. You. Being in your arms. Just like this.”

“Okay.”

The sound of Emma’s breathing was the one thing anchoring her into that moment, keeping her from slipping and falling away as she had been about to when she nearly walked out that door. She closed her eyes upon the realization that she hadn’t really said why she was leaving or where she was going. She had deflected, effectively, and she was finding herself reeling right back to where she was before.

“I’m not very good at dealing with anything anymore.” Regina could feel the tears stinging at her eyes again. “I’ve managed to destroy the person I used to be, the Regina that you fell in love with and the one you believe you still see when you look at me. I’m nowhere near to being the woman you first fell in love with.”

“I fall in love with you every time I look at you. I fall in love with you every time I hear your voice, when I see you smile, when you look at me with so much love and want and need in your eyes that it’s the greatest feeling in the world, you know?” Emma sighed and Regina looked at her, watching the small smile that curled over her lips a moment later. “I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be listening to you. You have my full and undying attention once more.”

“And once more, I am telling you that I do not deserve you. But I have you.” Regina paused as she took a moment just to look deep into Emma’s eyes in the dim light of the room and lifted a hand to push aside a few strands of her hair. “Thank you.”

“So, I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted,” Emma murmured quietly. “Let’s go to bed, Regina.”

“Emma--”

“It’s the middle of the night,” Emma reminded her gently. “We both need to sleep, don’t we? And I lied before. This couch really isn’t _that_ comfortable.”

“I don’t think we should.”

“I promise you that I meant what I said before,” she said sincerely. “I will wait until you are ready, until _we_ are ready. That doesn’t mean we can’t snuggle for the rest of the night, does it?”

Regina paused, mostly to see the look on Emma’s face that changed with every second the ticked past. She couldn’t hold back her giggle fit when the frown settled on Emma’s face and she leaned forward to kiss it away much as she had earlier when Emma had been pouting like a child being told they couldn’t have cookies before bed.

There were plenty of good reasons for her to tell Emma no and those very reasons she could use to explain to Emma why it wasn’t a good idea for them to share the same bed, cuddling together or not. There were plenty of good reasons for her not to decline Emma’s offer, either. The main one being the very fact that she knew she would not last the rest of the night without Emma there to anchor her to reality and keep her from drowning in her thoughts. To keep those demons from finally winning once again.

She was the first to stand up from the couch, and she reached out for Emma’s hand, giving it to her as a silent answer with the small gesture. Emma turned off the lamp and followed her into the bedroom, both careful not to walk into any fans on the way. Emma was the first to crawl into bed, sighing loudly as her head hit the pillow with a soft thump. She turned to look over at Regina, and in the dark room with only the faint light of a streetlight coming in through the open window, Regina could see her smiling.

“Are you going to sleep in your pants or something?”

“No.”

Emma laughed as she leaned over and reached out to tug at Regina’s capris near her knee. “Well, take them off and get in, Regina.”

Regina just raised an eyebrow before she quickly discarded her pants and crawled into bed beside Emma in only her underwear and her borrowed tank top. Regina shifted on the bed beside her and pulled a pillow tight under her head and neck with a small huff. It wasn’t the same pillow she’d been using before. It was a little lumpy and flat.

“Just cuddling?” Regina asked softly and she felt Emma nod her head before Emma pulled her into her side and wrapped her arms around her.

“Just cuddling and snuggling, at least until one of us overheats,” Emma chuckled softly. “It’s actually not that bad in here.”

“There is a nice breeze coming in now, that’s why,” Regina replied before she stifled a yawn. “Good night _again_ , Emma.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed contently, dropping a kiss to Regina’s forehead. “Good night.”

Regina lay awake for a long while, listening to the way Emma’s breathing pattern changed as she fell into a deep sleep. It was comforting, but it did nothing to quell the thoughts that ran rampant in her head.

_Where were you going?_

Where had she been going? All she knew when she got out of bed and nearly left was that she was very much on autopilot, unaware of the reality of what was really going on and what she was really doing. Where was she going at three o’clock in the morning?

She didn’t know, and that was truly bothering her, but it wasn’t the only thing keeping her wide awake. Despite her constant yawns she no longer tried to fight, she just couldn’t turn off the noise in her head long enough to fall asleep right there in Emma Swan’s arms. Just like she’d done a hundred thousand times before, many years ago.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized that their current situation was not at all that different than it had been at one time early in their relationship. They had waited for months before they were intimate with one another, Emma making the same promise then too to wait until Regina was ready.

The difference then was that Regina had been terribly inexperienced. A virgin. Terrified, but for far different reasons than why she was terrified _now_.

Emma had been so very patient, and though they did get intimate in other ways, Regina had always known it wasn’t enough, but Emma remained patient. A saint, really.

Their first time had been far from perfect, but it had been perfect for them.

They’d certainly made up for it every chance they got afterward, that’s for sure.

It hit her and hard, the realization of what exactly scared her so much now when it came to Emma Swan. She was afraid of having that level of intimacy, not just with Emma Swan again, but overall. Any sexual partners she’d had in the last ten years had been drunken one-night stands and the occasional recurrent fuck-buddy she was “dating” at the time. It had been just enough to satisfy her itch, that primal urge every human on the planet had some kind of personal relationship with one way or another. But the difference was, none of those people were Emma Swan.

 _You are the only one for me_.

Regina had felt that with every inch of her being and deep in her soul. It was the same feeling she’d felt in the moments leading up to their first time together. Emma had made her feel safe and she had made her feel loved. Respected. Cherished. Worshipped.

Though the room had cooled considerably, Regina’s body was warm as those thoughts coursed through her mind. Emma had moved, laying on her back and only her right arm touching Regina’s left as she slept soundly. Regina’s fingers twitched and brushed against Emma’s, her eyes studying the beautiful woman beside her as she waited for her to open her eyes and wake up. She didn’t. A soft snore slipped out and Regina sighed, turning to look up at the dark ceiling where the shadows of the trees danced in the soft glow of the streetlight shining in.

She let her mind drift back to a time where she was a very different woman. Young, inexperienced, but more importantly, completely head over heels in love and _happy_.

Months of teasing, of fooling around as Emma had put it many times, it had all built up to the point where Regina wasn’t sure if she could wait a day longer to be with Emma fully and completely. It’d been the first night they had since Henry had been born. Regina remembered how excited her father had been to be able to watch three-month-old Henry with Cora for the night.

A night off, a night to just sleep without worrying about the baby, a night to take care of themselves as her father had put it.

Emma had been so relieved for a break that she had taken the offer immediately. It was Regina who worried about Henry while Emma made dinner in the kitchen after Henry had been picked up. Emma was worried she was going to burn the cheese sauce and Regina was the one fretting over the newborn baby spending the night with her parents.

It’d been odd because she’d been nervous about spending time alone with Emma by that point and she didn’t know what wracked her nerves more, worrying about Henry or being alone with Emma for the first time in months. Looking back, she wondered how they’d lasted as long as they had and had it not been for Emma’s pregnancy, that night might’ve happened a lot sooner.

As she stared at the shadowy silhouette of Emma’s face, a small shudder fluttered down her spine and into her core, and her memories overtook her in the haze of exhaustion.

Regina could remember how Emma cooked her dinner and how she’d been worrying about Henry so much she had hardly eaten more than a couple of bites of her food. It wasn’t long before Emma was soothing away her worries and it all started with a kiss.

Her fingers brushed up against Emma’s again as she thought how until that night they’d always come so very close to crossing those boundaries they’d put up and the mutual understanding they’d had when it came to sex. They had safe zones, limits. How they had shattered every single one of those that very night and every chance they had gotten in the days and years afterward.

One week ago, she had learned that the passion, that fire that had always been between them was still very much there and it still burned like wildfire.

“Mm,” Emma murmured sleepily, her fingers reaching out and brushing against Regina’s, pulling out a smile on Regina’s lips. “Are you watching me sleep?”

“Not intentionally,” she whispered in reply. “I’ve had a lot of my mind lately, tonight especially.”

Emma yawned, her fingers slipping over Regina’s once more, her touch soft, her skin warm. “Do you want to talk?” Emma asked, their fingers tangling together. “I--I didn’t want to push before. I didn’t want to push if you aren’t ready to talk to me.”

“You’re not.”

“Good.”

“I just don’t want to _talk_ right now.”

“Oh.” Regina leaned in closer to her, almost close enough to feel that sigh fall upon her lips. “All right,” Emma whispered and Regina closed the small gap between them and let her lips fall to the corner of Emma’s mouth. “Mm.”

Regina slipped her hand under the pillow and leaned more into Emma, her right hand grasping onto Emma’s as she placed another kiss, one directly on her waiting lips. She trembled, she knew she was caught up in her head, all her thoughts, all those memories, especially _that_ one.

She knew, and she was giving in, as terrified as she was to feel it all again, she _needed_ it. She needed Emma.

Even if just but a kiss.

Even if a kiss was never _just_ a kiss between them.

Regina let go of Emma’s hand and slid it slowly over Emma’s abdomen as she deepened the kiss, her tongue lazily dancing over Emma’s bottom lip and then over her tongue. Emma’s hands slipped over her hips and eased her on top of her, moaning as Regina deftly slipped a thigh between her legs.

She could feel the heat from between Emma’s thighs and it only fueled that burning desire, the one burning deep. It was about to breach the surface and Regina moaned, letting go completely, losing herself in Emma Swan fully.

She had lost herself within Emma so much that she was taken by surprise when Emma was the one that put a stop to everything suddenly. She eased the grip she had on Regina’s wrist, her fingertips just skimming under the baggy shirt and along a smooth expanse of skin.

Things stilled between them then, their lips lingering, breaths spilling out rapidly, hearts racing wildly. Regina shivered, she trembled as her arousal coursed through her, that wildfire, ripping through her mercilessly. Little earthquakes erupted, one after the other and she tried to pull away to no avail despite Emma’s hands clutching at her waist, holding her close. Emma was trembling as she wrapped a leg around the back of Regina’s thigh, her hips thrusting against Regina’s thigh that pressed hard up against her core, her small orgasm rippling through her just moments after Regina’s still fluttered as little earthquakes continued to rumble through her body.

Regina’s eyes searched Emma’s in the dark room, and for a brief second as a car drove past and the headlights shone in, she could see nothing but pure unadulterated lust in Emma’s eyes as she looked right back at her.

Regina gasped as Emma took her by surprise, flipping them over as she settled between Regina’s now spread legs. Emma groaned as she rolled her hips down, creating delicious friction against Regina’s core. The way her damp panties rubbed against her throbbing clit was enough to drive her insane, but she just clutched onto Emma’s shoulders, pulling at the sleeves too-big shirt she had on as she wordlessly begged for more.

Her hands swept down the expanse of Emma’s back and over the tight shorts that Emma had on. She dipped her fingers beneath the leg of the shorts and along the smooth skin of Emma’s ass and she pulled her in against her a little harder, whimpering as Emma rolled her hips just right. She shuddered as she felt her arousal spike suddenly, quicker than it had before, and she was tumbling over the edge with a few simple thrusts of Emma’s pelvis against hers.

Emma kissed her, hard and deep, her tongue dominant as her hips continued to thrust and roll against Regina’s core. Regina moaned into Emma’s mouth, gasping as she gripped a little harder onto Emma’s firm backside, her nails digging hard into the soft skin beneath her fingertips. Emma was panting as she kissed along Regina’s chin, along the underside of her jaw and to her neck before she was pulling back, breathing heavily, her hands on the mattress on each side of Regina as she continued to thrust hard and fast against her.

Their first orgasm had only just subsided and a second one was already fluttering through Regina’s body against her own control, a subtle half-attempt to keep it at bay even if just for a minute or two longer. She moaned as she moved her hands to clutch at Emma’s strong arms and she leaned up to capture Emma’s lips in another kiss, one that stifled both of their loud moans as they came together, one as quick and just as unexpected as the first.

Regina gasped as Emma all but collapsed on top of her, her breath heavy and coming out in short, sharp pants. She could feel Emma’s breath hot against her neck, and she closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of Emma. The weight of her, the heat she felt coming off of her body and mostly from between her legs beneath her shorts, it was almost enough to send her into another spiral over the edge.

“Mm,” Emma murmured, her lips trailing hot open-mouthed kisses along the column of Regina’s neck. “That was fucking hot.”

“Emma…”

“Now I really want to know what you were thinking about before you kissed me.”

“I was thinking about you,” Regina whispered and Emma moved to lay at her side, their legs tangling together lazily as Emma lifted a hand to trace along Regina’s abdomen where her shirt had ridden up to expose her skin to the warm air. “I was thinking about us. About the first time we…made love. Do you remember?”

“Yes.” Emma snuggled against Regina and kissed her bare shoulder. “How could I ever forget? It was perfect. You were perfect.”

“Far from it, but you were the perfect one, darling, you were so patient, so loving, so wonderful,” she murmured and she let her eyes slide shut, her body still buzzing from those two small orgasms that had set the blaze on fire between them once more. “I love you, Emma Swan.”

Emma kissed her again, but it was soft and sweet and she could feel Emma smiling in the seconds before she pulled back. “I love you too,” she whispered. Another yawn slipped out and she shook her head. “Regina--”

“Go back to sleep,” she whispered. “I’ll be here when you wake up in a few hours.”

“Okay.”

Emma snuggled against her but moved her head to lay it on the pillow beside Regina’s head. Regina closed her eyes and focused on the way Emma languidly traced her fingers over the bare skin on her stomach, each stroke drawn out longer and longer until she was certain that Emma had fallen back asleep.

Sleep didn’t come easy. It didn’t come at all. All she could do was lay there with Emma at her side, sound asleep. When the first bit of light started to shine through the open window, Regina gently eased out of Emma’s arms and slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her as she pulled on her pants and picked up the hoodie Emma had on the other night. She pulled it on and inhaled deeply, the scent of Emma and Henry mixed together in a way that had all her senses flying high and her heart feeling full.

And she left. She just left.

She slipped out of the house quietly, shutting the door with a soft click behind her, and she turned and walked down to the street, listening as the birds chirped their early morning songs, signaling a new start to another long, hot, summer day.

Regina had no idea where she was going or why she had left. It was much like hours earlier when she’d been on autopilot, her body moving on its own accord with an agenda she wasn’t quite clear with just what it was exactly.

At least she had no idea where she was going or what she was doing, not until she found herself just outside the diner a mere ten minutes later. She joined the early morning patrons inside, yawning as she took a seat at the counter and waited for one of the few waitresses to approach her.

“What can I get ya?” The waitress, a woman she’d seen in there before but could not remember her name as she was lacking a name tag like the others wore. “Ma’am?”

“Three large coffees to go, please,” she said, her voice rough and deep with exhaustion. “And an order of your family sized breakfast as well. Thank you.”

“It’ll be a bit,” the waitress said as she placed an empty mug down on the counter in front of her. “Coffee while you wait?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Regina was walking back into the house on First Street an hour later, carrying a tray of the three large coffees and a bag of the diner’s family sized breakfast. She tried to sneak back inside quietly, she hadn’t locked the door, so she was a little surprised to find the front door was locked. She felt panicked as she hurried around to the side door and breathed a sigh of relief when she turned the doorknob and it opened with a soft click.

Henry was up, which surprised her because it was still so very early, and he was sitting in the kitchen with a glass of orange juice in front of him on the table, his eyes barely open until he noticed her standing there.

“Mom’s upset,” he muttered quietly. “Wouldn’t tell me why, but I think I figured it out.”

“Why is she upset?” Regina asked as she placed the bag down on the kitchen table and Henry took the tray of coffee’s from her with a grateful little smile. “Did I do something, Henry?”

“You left.”

“To get coffee and breakfast,” she replied as she pointed at the bag and the tray. “I wanted to surprise you both.”

“Whatever. She’s sulking in her room. You need to fix it.”

“I know. I will.”

She didn’t think before she’d left. While she’d been waiting at the diner, she had hoped she’d be back before Emma or Henry had woken up. It was awfully early, after all. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. She forced a small smile at Henry before she picked up her coffee and Emma’s and headed for the bedroom where she found Emma sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to the door. On the second step past the threshold, the floor creaked and ruined Regina’s surprise and Emma turned to look at her with wide eyes.

“I thought you left.”

“I did,” she replied and she held out Emma’s coffee towards her. “I thought I’d go pick up some breakfast for all of us this morning. I--I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t think you’d notice that I’d left. It’s still quite early.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Emma scoffed as she took the offered coffee. “I thought you _left_ , Regina. You didn’t even leave a note.”

“I should’ve.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed. “You should’ve. Would’ve saved me from jumping to a million different conclusions. For the record, you sneaking off just to get us breakfast and coffee was not one of them.”

“I’m sorry, Emma.”

“I’ll forgive you, this time,” Emma said and a sly smile curled over her lips as she got up from the edge of the bed. “And only _if_ you got an extra order of hash browns.”

“I might’ve,” she responded with a sly smile of her own. “Shall we go and find out?”

“Yeah,” Emma laughed and she stopped Regina from walking out the room by reaching out to grab ahold of her hand. “Do you want to talk about what happened last night?”

“Not particularly. Do you?”

“Only if you wanted to, but since you don’t, then I don’t know about you, but suddenly I am absolutely starving and someone bought breakfast.” Emma leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Regina’s cheek with a smile. “Thank you.”

Regina followed Emma into the kitchen and as she listened to the playful banter between Emma and Henry, she realized that it wasn’t just a brand new day, it was a fresh start to something different, something new between them.

Something she nearly ruined because she’d slipped out at the crack of dawn while on auto-pilot. It was something she had to be sure to never do again, at least not without leaving Emma a note before she jumped to one too many conclusions.

While some things remained the same, things were very different now, and Regina knew she had to either settle into this part of her life, to accept it as it was and take it as it came, or she should just leave and save herself--and Emma--another devastating blow to the heart when it all inevitably fell apart once again.

And she really did _not_ want to leave. Not ever again.


	42. Chapter 42

Sunday was a day of lazy lounging around in the house and then out in the yard when it became a little too unbearably hot. The fans were repositioned several times until Regina figured out the perfect position for each that circulated the warm air inside the house and out the windows.

The morning was spent with minimal conversation though the three of them were together. Henry was reading through a thick novel, the cover long gone, and he was engrossed in whatever it was that he was reading. Emma alternated between being as lazy as she could until she began to fidget and become restless. She spent a good hour complaining about the heat, complaining about how it was ruining her workout regime.

By the middle of the afternoon, Emma got a call from the station she had to respond to, and she was up and out of the house, dressed in her uniform, leaving Regina and Henry alone together in the yard.

Henry retreated to his room shortly after Emma had left and Regina pulled out her briefcase and laptop, setting it up on the kitchen table, and spent the remainder of the afternoon finishing up some paperwork she’d need for their courthouse appearance the very next morning.

Yet, despite her trying to take her mind off of what happened between her and Emma the night before with paperwork--and a lot of it--she just could not stop thinking about it, all of it. It made her skin warm, her body tingling with a surge of arousal that built and built until she was beyond frustrated and nearly ready to take matters into her own hands and seek out some relief in the privacy of the bathroom and under the guise that she was having a shower.

Emma returned just after dinner time, tired and cranky. She didn’t say much as she joined Regina and Henry in the kitchen where they were preparing a pasta salad for dinner, both having declared an hour earlier that it was far too hot to cook or eat anything warmer than room temperature. Emma tried to pick out some of the elbow macaroni from the bowl as Regina mixed everything together, and she playfully slapped at Emma’s hand with the wooden spoon, a warning in her eyes that had made Emma laugh hard and then milk her non-existent injury on the back of her hand all throughout dinner not long after.

After they finished and cleaned up, well Henry cleaned up because Emma declared it was part of his punishment, and they sat around the kitchen table afterward and went over some of Regina’s notes for the hearing in the morning.

“Isn’t it pretty straight-forward?” Henry asked. “They’re just dropping the charges, right? Why do we need to be prepared for them not to? They already said--”

“It is always best to be prepared for the worst possible outcome,” Regina said. “It’s only just in case, Henry. We have to be prepared for anything to happen tomorrow.”

“Just shut up and listen to what Regina is telling you, kid,” Emma said as she stifled a yawn. “What is the worst case scenario we should be preparing for?”

“There is a possibility the judge may rule against the detective’s findings.”

“What?” Henry was angry now. “But I’m innocent!”

“You were still there, Henry, and the judge may find you guilty regardless of the findings of the detective’s investigation. I just don’t know what is going to happen. As I said,” she said and took a deep breath as she saw the anger running through Henry hard enough to make him shake and then saw the worry in Emma’s eyes. “We need to be prepared for anything. I’m not anticipating anything other than his charges being dropped officially. I’ve been kept in the dark on the proceedings, however, so that worries me a little.”

“I really hope you learned a lesson from all of this, kid,” Emma said as she reached out and dropped a hand upon Henry’s shoulder. “Don’t hang out with imbeciles.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I won’t be.”

“After we see what goes down tomorrow morning, maybe we can talk about your punishment and what you can do to earn your freedom back,” Emma said and she ruffled his hair. “And maybe think about getting a haircut, too.”

“Mom.”

“It’s getting a little too long, kid. We’ve talked about this.”

“It’s only hair!”

“You look like a punk.”

Henry rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he muttered and looked over at Regina. “Do _you_ think I should cut my hair too?”

“Yes?” Regina wasn’t sure who to side with, but she did agree with Emma on one thing, his hair was a little too long. “Maybe just a trim?”

“You guys both suck!” Henry exclaimed, his voice pitchy and cracking at the end and it made Regina and Emma laugh. “So, seriously. Enough with the hair. What time are we leaving in the morning?”

“Five o’clock sharp,” Emma replied. “I want to get on the road and get there with plenty of time to eat once we get there. I don’t want to rush.”

“That’s early,” Henry groaned. “God, fine. But don’t get mad if I sleep in the car.”

“Shower tonight,” Emma reminded him. “Go. Try to get some sleep after, okay?”

“Yeah,” Henry nodded, hurrying towards the kitchen door. “You too. Since we got an early morning and all, I should go do just that. Night you two.”

“He thinks he’s pretty subtle, doesn’t he?” Emma asked after Henry had walked out of the kitchen. “He’s lucky I’m too tired to care.”

“Perhaps we should call it a night as well,” Regina said. “Let me just get everything sorted out in here and I--I’ll be right there.”

“Sure.” Emma was just smiling and she turned, yelling out at Henry to wait until she used the bathroom first on her way out of the kitchen.

Half an hour later, they were in bed, the room dark and quiet save for the whirring of the fan by the open window. Eventually, Regina fell asleep, her mind on the morning they had ahead of them and not much else, and she wasn’t the only one who had trouble sleeping through the night.

The alarm went off at four in the morning, and she slipped out of bed, leaving Emma to sleep a little longer as she showered. She was surprised to find the bedroom empty when she walked back in with the towel wrapped around her as she carried the clothes she’d slept in. She dressed and dried her hair, barely slipping out of the bedroom to make the coffee when she nearly walked into Emma.

It was a rush to get going after that. The power had gone off briefly at some point during the night and the coffee maker didn’t switch on at four as it was programmed to, throwing off their whole schedule--one that thankfully wasn’t too set in stone.

Because if it wasn’t one thing, it was something else. In this case, it was Emma’s car, her beloved Bug. It refused to start. Henry was in the back seat, squirming impatiently, Regina sat in the front in the passenger seat clutching her thermos as she watched Emma try, over and over again, to get the engine to turn over to no avail. By the eighth time the engine failed to start, the sputtering and whine of the engine telling Regina that they were definitely not getting to Portland that morning in the Bug, Emma was on the verge of tears and Henry was grumbling moodily in the back seat.

It got closer to six o’clock a lot quicker than any of them would’ve liked. Regina calmly explained to Emma that it was no use trying to keep starting a car that was obviously dead. That four-letter word did not go over well with Emma when it came to her beloved yellow Bug.

At five after six, Emma was on the phone, calling for a tow from the Marine Garage and begging to borrow a loaner, one that Michael Tillman did not have that morning. Emma was out of the car at that point and Regina urged Henry to get out of the back seat. It was a feat within itself with his long limbs getting caught and tangled and he managed to trip when his foot got caught on the floor mat, but thankfully he grabbed onto the door to save himself from a nasty spill that would’ve definitely ruined his freshly ironed slacks and his crisp white button-down shirt.

“I have to call Zelena,” Emma said defeatedly.

“Is there not anyone else you can call?” Regina asked her. Emma shook her head. “Nobody? None of your friends--”

“None of my friends are going to be able to take the morning off work to drive us to Portland just like none of my friends will willingly lend me their car without them in it,” Emma replied and she frowned, instantly pointing a finger over at Henry. “Not a word, kid. I mean it.”

“I’ll tell you later,” he whispered to Regina and then to his mother, he rolled his eyes and said, “Call Aunt Zee then. The longer we wait, the less chance we’ll have to actually have breakfast _before_ the hearing, Mom. I’m starving!”

Zelena pulled up in her green Charger not even half an hour later. After some bickering back and forth between Emma and Henry over who got shotgun, Regina slipped into the front passenger seat clutching her briefcase to her lap with a celebratory smile. Emma grumbled and Henry just laughed. In no less than five minutes they were both in the back seat and then they were off to Portland, Maine.

They didn’t have time for breakfast once they arrived in Portland. Regina instructed Zelena to head to the courthouse, and she pulled out her pad with her notes, turning in her seat to look back at Henry who had just been woken up by his mother after he spent the whole drive fast asleep.

“So,” Henry said with a yawn before he ran his hands through his hair, the gel he’d put in his hair sticking to his fingers as he slicked it back again. “So, what happens when we get in there? We let the judge speak and the charges are dropped?”

“That is the best case scenario,” Regina replied and shifted in her seat as Zelena hit the brakes a little too hard after pulling into the busy courthouse parking lot. “The judge may want to ask you a few questions, however.”

“Like what?”

“I have no idea, Henry, but you will be required to answer any questions as honestly as you can, all right?”

“Okay.”

“It’ll be fine, Henry,” she continued, and at this point, it sounded like she was trying to convince herself and not just Henry that everything would be all right. “The detective already informed me that the charges are being dropped. Once the judge declares it officially, we will be escorted to a room where you will be released from the ankle bracelet unless--”

“What?” Henry exclaimed and the pitch of his voice made Zelena hit the brakes again. “I thought I was going to be free after this! Now you’re telling me that there is a chance that they’re not even gonna take this stupid thing off?”

“As I told you last night, we have to be prepared for anything to happen this morning, Henry. I do not know the judge we are facing, and no, it’s not the same one as last week. I do not know what this judge is going to do or what will happen. What I do know is that we’re here for a hearing to have your charges dropped and for you to be released from the bail conditions that have been placed on you.”

Regina pinched at the bridge of her nose as Henry’s face went red. Emma was quiet, busy looking around the lot from the back seat as Zelena drove down another aisle, trying and failing to find a spot to park.

“We will find out soon enough,” Regina continued. “I do not want you getting angry or having any sort of outburst when we are inside and especially not in front of the judge, do you understand me, Henry?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“They’re seriously not going to make him wear that stupid bloody thing after this morning if he’s innocent, Regina,” Zelena said and she groaned loudly as someone else quickly pulled into the empty spot she was driving towards. “Arsehole! That was my spot!” Zelena yelled and hit the steering wheel hard before taking a deep breath. “There aren’t any grounds for them to need to keep it on him. He’s a good boy. He just got into a spot of trouble. He learned his lesson. You know I am right.”

“We are just lucky that this case is moving forward as quickly as it is and that the charges are being dropped. This could’ve gone to trial. It could’ve been a very lengthily process. We should be grateful that it is not going down that path.”

“There!” Emma said excitedly as she reached out to tap Zelena on her shoulder. “There is a spot over there, Zee, hurry!”

Regina sighed. “I am not going to argue with the judge, however, if he feels that Henry should be on a probationary period.”

“Why?” Henry groaned. “I’m innocent!”

“Regina, don’t get him all riled up over nothing. For all we know, the judge will wipe his hands clean of Henry, so to speak,” Zelena said and she took a sharp right turn before slamming on the brakes. The spot she was heading for, taken, yet again before she could get close. “Why the hell is the parking such shite here? Bollocks!”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Regina groaned and lifted her wrist to look at the watch she’d put on that morning. “Just drop us off at the front doors. We’re going to be late if we spend any more time looking for parking. We’ll be in courtroom three. After you make it past security, ask someone where it is and you will be directed there. We cannot be late and if we--”

“Fine. Get out,” Zelena said as soon as she’d whipped the car around and came to a quick stop in front of the entrance. “I’ll see you inside.”

Regina hurried inside the courthouse with Henry and Emma following close behind. By the time that they made it through the line at security, they had minutes to spare before they were due in the courtroom. She grabbed ahold of Henry’s hand and they all but ran down the hallway to courtroom three with Emma sprinting to keep up behind them. One of the bailiff officers directed them inside the courtroom when they approached the door and they took a seat near the front.

There were a dozen other people seated and waiting for their case number to be called so they could face the judge. While Regina knew it wasn’t going to be the same judge as last week, she still breathed a sigh of relief with the judge, a woman, walked out and they all rose to their feet and took a seat when they were instructed to.

They weren’t the first case to be called. Regina opened her briefcase to retrieve some of the paperwork she’d need to hand over to the judge when they were called when Henry elbowed her in the side and caused her to wince at the sharp pain.

“Henry--”

“That’s Chop,” he whispered. “What is he doing here?”

“Let’s stay quiet and we’ll find out,” Regina whispered back. “Whatever you do, Henry,” she said upon the alarming look she saw on his face, “do not react. Do not cause a scene. If he says anything to you, even looks at you, just keep your mouth shut. Nod if you understand me.”

Henry nodded and slouched on the bench with his arms crossed over his chest. Regina looked over at Emma where she sat on the other side of Henry and was fidgeting, picking at her cuticles as her right knee bopped up and down. She was nervous, more nervous than Henry was, and she reached out to place a hand on Emma’s knee and gave her a pointed look that halted her fidgeting almost immediately.

“Corey Mallory,” the judge said drolly and she peered over her gold-rimmed glasses down at the papers that were laid out in front of her. She sighed, removed her glasses, and then peered down at the young man that had been led to the table on the left. “Mr. Mallory, what did I say to you the last time that I saw you?”

“You didn’t want to see me back here again,” he replied with his head hung low. It shot up suddenly and he stammered, “Your honor, I can explain--”

“You will speak when I ask you to,” the judge barked at him. “Sit down, Mr. Mallory. Now, I’ve had some time to review your charges. Your charges are as follows; grand theft auto, breaking and entering, possession with intent to distribute, possession and sale of a Schedule I substance, and,” she paused as she peered down at the papers in front of her and rolled her eyes. “Aggravated assault. Now, Mr. Mallory, I have in front of me a whole other list of charges on an unrelated matter, but first, how do you plead to the charges I have just read?”

“Not--”

“Guilty, your honor,” the lawyer beside the young man responded and the woman gave him a glare that even made Regina feel the fear he was feeling in that very moment. “We plead guilty. What are the other charges, your honor?”

“We’ll discuss those when we open that case,” the judge responded tightly. “I understand, Mr. Mallory, that you just celebrated a birthday,” she said and she smiled at him, sweetly almost. It made Regina’s skin crawl. “Eighteen years old.”

“Yes, ma’am, your honor, ma’am.”

“Do you understand that we are charging you as an adult, Mr. Mallory?” Upon his nod before he hung his head low again, the judge continued. “The other charges,” she said with a subtle nod in his lawyer’s direction, “are felony charges.”

Regina watched closely as it dawned on her that Corey Mallory and his lawyer had no idea what the felony charges were yet, but they were about to find out. The young man was trembling in fear and his lawyer was scrambling to go through the disorganized pile of papers she had on the desk in front of her.

“Mr. Mallory, you have been charged with a second count of intent to distribute. The felony charge comes from selling a Schedule I substance to a minor near a public school. How do you plead?”

“I didn’t sell anyone nothing!”

“Mr. Mallory, how do you plead?”

“Not guilty, your honor. I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s all just a big mistake and--”

“The other felony charge stems from you violating your parole from the charges no less than a month ago,” the judge said with a heavy sigh. “Third strike, Mr. Mallory. I will ask you again and maybe, if you’re honest with me, I’ll go easy on you. How do you plead?”

“Guilty,” he mumbled under his breath and winced as his lawyer nudged him in the arm and shook her head no. “I plead guilty, your honor. How much time you giving me, huh?”

“Your honor, I mean no disrespect, but you did not give my client a chance to tell his side of the story in relation to all of the charges that have been placed upon him.”

“Mr. Mallory, your sentencing hearing will be one month from now,” the judge said, clearly ignoring his lawyer as she gathered up the papers in front of her and precariously placed them into a folder. “In the meantime, you will be enjoying a very lovely stay at the county jail. Bailiff?”

Regina looked over at Henry and watched him as he watched the boy he only knew as Chop being placed in handcuffs and escorted out of the room. The relief on Henry’s face as plain and clear as day, more so when the young man didn’t once look at him before he was led away. She had a feeling there was a lot more to Henry’s association with that young man than Henry had let on before.

It wasn’t the time nor the place to ask him any of those questions she now had for him. The clerk called out their case number and she hurried Henry up to the desk that Chop and his lawyer had just vacated. She quietly instructed Henry to take a seat after they acknowledged the judge, and when the judge pounded the gavel, they stood up.

“Henry Swan,” the judge said as she placed her gold-rimmed glasses back on her nose and peered down at the new folder that had been placed in front of her. She sighed and folded her hands in front of her. “Mr. Swan, do you know why you are here today?”

Henry looked over at Regina and she nodded, indicating at him to answer promptly. “I do know why I am here, your honor,” he said quietly and cleared his throat when the judge tapped her ear, motioning for him to speak up. “I have several charges against me, your honor,” he said, his voice a little louder. His hands were shaking and he started fidgeting with his sleeves as he tried to stay still. “I believe the reason I am here today is to have those charges formally dropped, your honor.”

“You are correct, son,” she said with a soft smile, her whole demeanor and tone a stark difference from before. It sent a wave of relief through Regina for a moment. “Now, before I do that for you, can you tell me what you have learned from this entire unfortunate experience, Mr. Swan?”

“I need to be careful about who my friends are and the people I associate myself with from here on out, your honor.”

“Yes, you do. Anything else?”

“I know that this could’ve ruined my future. I am thankful that it did not. I’ve learned also to listen to my mom, especially if she tells me not to go somewhere or not to do something.” Henry turned to Regina with a small smile, satisfied with his answer.

The judge, however, was not.

“What have you _learned_ from this experience, Mr. Swan?”

Henry looked incredibly confused for a moment, and Regina watched as he glanced down at the ankle monitor on his leg and itched at it with the other foot. “I guess I’ve learned that my freedom shouldn’t be taken for granted,” he said after a moment and the judge motioned at him to continue. “I realize now how much I had taken my freedom for granted, your honor. Having to wear the ankle bracelet and being monitored, it was a very big wakeup call. It restricted where I could go and when, and no offense, but it’s really itchy, and it sucks. Sorry, your honor, but it does.”

The judge laughed lightly. “I can only imagine, son. Now, what kind of punishment did your mother’s give to you, Mr. Swan?”

“I was grounded--am still grounded,” he said quickly. “My phone was taken from me, my TV, video games, my computer. Everything. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house all week except for one day to go to my cousin’s house with my mom’s permission. She said I’ll be grounded for the rest of the summer as well, your honor.”

“Your moms seem to have a good handle on things at home with you. You should be very lucky to have them, though I believe now that I am about to formally drop all charges, Mr. Swan, that perhaps you being grounded for the remainder of your summer vacation is a little excessive. What do you think, Ms. Mills?”

“I agree, your honor, however, it is not my call. That is up to his mother,” Regina replied. She didn’t dare look back at Emma because she wasn’t certain what kind of reaction she would get from her if she did. It was entirely Emma’s decision, and if she wanted to ground Henry for the rest of the summer, that was her choice and hers alone. “May I ask a question, your honor?”

“You may.”

“Will the ankle monitor be removed today, your honor?”

“Yes, Ms. Mills,” the judge replied. She quickly signed off on the papers in front of her before gathering them up and placed them into the folder. “I believe that Mr. Swan had learned a very valuable lesson here today. I am also aware that his other mother is the sheriff in Storybrooke. I trust that she’ll reprimand his mistakes in ways she sees fit. I’ll be in touch with your mother, the sheriff, Mr. Swan. You may go to the bailiff’s office and have the SCRAM bracelet removed. You are dismissed.”

Regina gathered up her papers, handing off a couple of them to the clerk when she approached the desk. She hurried Henry out of the courtroom before the next case was called up to the stand and she didn’t breathe a sigh of relief until they were out in the hallway and Emma was hugging Henry tight.

“That was it?” Henry laughed in relief. “It’s over?”

“Yes, it is over,” Regina replied and she reached out to rub his back before Emma let him go with a relieved sigh of her own. “How are you feeling?”

“Relieved,” he replied. “Regina, what would’ve happened if we got the other judge?”

“I don’t think that things would’ve played out quite the way that they did. Just be thankful she was compassionate towards you. It could’ve gone in the other direction very easily. You did good. Better than good. I’m very proud of you,” she said with a fond smile. “Now, let’s go find the bailiff’s office and get that monitor removed, shall we?”

“Regina?” Emma said softly as she reached out for Regina’s free hand as they started walking down the hallway. “Thank you,” she whispered as she leaned in to place a small kiss on Regina’s cheek. “I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.”

“I cannot believe that Chop got charged with everything they tried to pin on me,” Henry said as they walked down the long hallway together. “He’s going to go away for a long time, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Regina replied. “He is an adult now and they’ve charged him to the full extent of the law it seems. Can I ask you something, Henry?”

“Sure.”

“How on earth did you get mixed up with someone like that?”

“We just met the guy skating, I don’t know, he seemed decent,” Henry replied with a shrug. “He was cool, you know? I don’t know. He always knew where to go skate when me and Robyn came here to hang out. I wish I knew what he was really like, though. I would’ve never hung out with him if I knew he was a bad person.”

“We all make mistakes, dear. I am just glad that you learned from it this time.”

“No more trips to Portland without an adult present,” Emma added.

“I don’t think I’ll be coming back here at all really,” Henry said. “I don’t ever want to get mixed up with the wrong people again, and besides, Robyn had a great idea the other day about petitioning to the mayor to build a skate park in town.”

“I have a feeling you have learned a very valuable lesson here,” Regina said and Emma nodded in agreement. “I know you won’t get mixed up with the wrong people again. Come on, let’s find the--”

“Hey!” Zelena called out from behind them. “Did I miss it? I missed it, didn’t I? Bloody hell, the parking here is an absolute nightmare!”

“Yes, you missed it. We were in and out, thankfully,” Regina said and she held back at laugh at Zelena’s disheveled appearance. “What on earth happened to you?”

“Security got a little handsy, but honestly, can you _blame_ them for wanting to get a feel of this body?” She turned to Henry, a smile curling over her bright red lips. “So, everything is good now? Henry is free and clear?”

“Yes. Everything is good. The charges have been dropped and we are just on our way to get his ankle monitor removed.”

“Bloody hell!” Zelena groaned. “If I had known you would be this quick, I would’ve just waited in the damn car!”

“Zelena.”

“Sorry,” she said upon Regina’s warning tone. She turned to Henry and smiled again before she pulled him in for a tight hug. “Congratulations, dear! You’re free at last!”

“Thanks, Zee,” Henry chuckled. “Hey, can we go out for breakfast still as soon as we’re done here? I’m starving!”

“Didn’t you eat before you left?” Emma asked him. “I saw you stuffing your face with cereal straight from the box before we left.”

“I’m not the only one who is starving here,” Henry countered. “So, breakfast?”

“We’ll go as soon as we’re finished here,” Regina replied. “Actually,” she said and she paused as she looked over at Zelena and then at Emma. “I was hoping since we’re finished here already that perhaps I can do a little shopping around for a new car while we’re here. If no one minds tagging along?”

“Why don’t we make a day out of it?” Emma suggested. “I don’t have to be back at the station until four. We can go for breakfast, shop for a new car, _maybe_ go out for lunch before head back home. We’ll play it by ear.”

“Is that all right with you, Zelena? I’ll understand if you--”

“Oh, this is perfect! Emma and I can go out dress shopping. I’m her date to the wedding, did she tell you?” Zelena laughed loudly, drawing some attention in their direction as they approached the bailiff’s office. “You can do whatever you need to do, Regina, and take Henry along with you. I’m sure he’ll find shopping for a car more fun than shopping for a dress!”

“What do you say, Regina?” Henry asked. “We can look for a car and just hang out.”

Regina smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Me too.”

“Alright, you two, let’s get moving,” Zelena said as she started pushing at Henry to walk into the bailiff’s office. “Now, who do we have to see to get that horrendous thing off of your ankle to make you a free man once again?”


	43. Chapter 43

Regina couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed just walking down the main drag of a small town window shopping. Henry was enjoying himself, though maybe not as much as he had when they’d been at the dealership and test drove a few cars before Regina had made a decision and purchased a slightly used Escalade she’d be able to pick up in a couple of days.

The Escalade was not her first choice, but it seemed to be a rather practical one. Henry, of course, loved it from the second he laid his eyes on it to the moment they took it out for a test drive, and he was begging Regina to teach him how to drive in the Escalade if she decided to buy it.

After things were dealt with at the dealership, Regina stopped at a park to make a few important and rather urgent phone calls to her insurance company, hoping to get the paperwork sped up so that she’d be able to pick up her new vehicle before Wednesday. While she was busy doing that, Henry was left to roam on his own, and she found him in a little shop three doors down from the bank. He was staring intently at a necklace in the display case while the shop owner kept a keen and suspicious eye on him.

It was a jewelry store, Regina noticed when she walked in, her prior assumptions that it was a kitsch little antique shop. She stopped just behind Henry and looked at the display case he was staring at so intensely, as if he were trying to burn the glass with his eyes to take the necklace he had his eye on.

“It’s for Mom,” he said without turning to look at her. “I wanted to get it for Mother’s Day, but I couldn’t afford it. Not with the allowance I was getting. Allowance that I’ll never get again after all of this, huh?”

“I see.” Regina stepped forward and nudged him in the shoulder. He looked at her and she smiled up at him. “Which one were you looking at?”

Her eyes landed on it, the silver chain with a swan charm. Henry just nodded. “Now it’s more of wanting to do something nice for her, you know?” he said. “Just for putting up with all my shit lately.”

“It looks a little familiar. Didn’t she have one like this?”

“A long time ago. She told me some asshole broke it when she got into a fight. Just grabbed her by the shirt and--”

“I’m guessing this was before she was the sheriff?”

“No. She was on patrol. While she was a deputy,” Henry clarified. “That asshole banged her up pretty good though. I know she hated that he ruined her favorite necklace more than she hated having to spend a couple of days in the hospital. Mom _hates_ hospitals. Anyway, Robyn and I were in here a while back, and when I saw it, I thought it was perfect for her.”

“How bad was she hurt?” Regina asked, suddenly feeling her stomach twisting in knots knowing that Emma had been hurt on the job bad enough to be hospitalized. “Henry, focus.”

“Couple broken ribs, a concussion, and a few broken fingers I think,” he sighed. “It wasn’t as bad as the time she got shot.”

Regina’s heart dropped to the floor. “She was _shot_?” Regina’s voice raised in alarm, and she grabbed onto Henry’s arm, probably a little too hard. “When the hell did your mother get shot? When did that happen?” Henry tried to shush her as the shopkeeper started to walk towards them and Regina lowered her voice. “Henry, tell me what happened!”

“I don’t really know. It happened like two years ago, maybe a little longer?” Henry shrugged. He _shrugged_. Regina was about to have a damn heart attack. “Relax,” he said as he casually placed an arm around her. “It wasn’t serious. She’s okay.”

“How did she get shot?” Regina asked and she groaned. “Ridiculous question, isn’t it, seeing how your mother is the sheriff of Storybrooke.”

“It didn’t even happen on the job, that’s the thing. It was just an accident. She didn’t tell you about it?”

“No, she obviously hasn’t, has she?” Regina replied incredulously. “How does one go about getting accidentally shot?”

“Happened on a camping trip. First time she went ‘hunting’ too.”

“Hunting?”

Henry exhaled sharply. “We were being stupid and shooting a pellet gun at some squirrels. They kept coming in to steal our food in the cabin, what do you expect?” Henry laughed uneasily as the shopkeeper lingered nearby, close and within earshot while pretending to mind his own business. “Like I said, it was an accident. The pellet gun went off when I was reloading.”

“You shot your mother?”

“With a pellet gun,” Henry said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “It was an accident. All is forgiven. She even has a scar.”

“Where?”

“You haven’t seen it? Really?” Henry asked with a smirk that definitely did not belong on his face. “It’s on her left shoulder. No bigger than the tip of an eraser really.”

Regina was a little appalled and her heart was still racing a mile a minute. She was a little relieved to know she’d been shot with a pellet gun and not a real live gun, but panic washed over her when she realized that Emma had a real live gun. One she carried whether she was on duty or not. She knew there’d be other guns in the house, too, though she hadn’t actually seen them.

“She was in the hospital for like three weeks,” Henry said quietly. “She was a horrible patient. She didn’t recover from surgery that well, that’s why she was in there so long. That tiny little pellet was really wedged in there. Did a lot of damage.”

“You shot your mother.”

“It was--”

“An accident, yes, you stated as much,” she said and she deadpanned as she stared at the teenager in front of her. “You had me scared for a minute there, there. I thought perhaps she’d been shot with a real bullet from a real gun.”

“Are you kidding me? She’d be insufferable!” Henry laughed and his face went serious really quickly. “She gets aches and they make her miserable for days. She hasn’t had a day like that in a while, though.”

“Is there anything else I should know?” Regina asked and Henry laughed again. “It’s all on a need to know basis, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged. “So, what do you think? About the necklace,” he said as he pointed at the glass. “Do you think she’d like it?”

“Yes. Of course,” Regina replied, smiling, her heart still racing a little but her mind was put at ease. For now. “How much is it?”

“A few hundred.” Henry looked down and shrugged. “I was hoping I’d be able to make, I don’t know like payments on it, but I don’t think that guy trusts me.”

Regina looked over at the shopkeeper who immediately turned to pretend to readjust a small figurine on a shelf. She tutted at the man and turned back to Henry. “How much is it exactly?” she asked. “Two hundred?”

“Five-fifty.”

Regina’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “A _few_ hundred, hmm?” Regina shook her head and reached for her purse. She pulled out her credit card and turned to the shopkeeper. “Sir, I’d like to buy this necklace, please?”

“Absolutely, ma’am.”

“Gina, I can pay for it myself,” Henry protested. “You don’t have to--”

“Do you have five hundred and fifty dollars to pay for it now, Henry?”

“Well no, but--”

“You will pay me back,” Regina said as the shopkeeper approached and she pointed out the necklace with the swan charm on it. “I’d rather you be in debt with someone you know. I have a few ideas on just how you can pay me back.”

“How?” Henry asked curiously. “I don’t even have a job yet.”

Regina watched the shopkeeper carefully as he took the necklace out of the case before locking it back up. She followed the man around the corner to the register with Henry lingering close behind her. She had a few ideas on how Henry could pay her back and she turned to him with a wide smile.

“How good are you with a paintbrush?”

“I don’t know,” Henry shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”

Regina held up her credit card for the shopkeeper and he handed her the machine where she put her card in chip first and punched in her pin number quickly. “I am going to need to paint the house I just bought. I’d rather not have to hire people if I don’t have to,” she said and handed the machine back to the man before she turned to Henry. “I would like you to help me.”

“Paint?”

“Amongst other things.”

“How long is it going to take for me to pay you back for this?” Henry asked as he pointed to the necklace the shopkeeper gently and carefully put into a long skinny box. “I got about a hundred bucks stashed away at home. I can give you that when we--”

“It’ll take a couple of days, possibly a week to paint,” Regina said and she took her receipt from the shopkeeper and let Henry pick up the small bag the man had put the box with the necklace in. “I’m hoping it won’t take that long. What do you say?”

“I say…get more than a couple of paint brushes,” Henry replied. “I’ll recruit some of my friends to help. But,” he paused as Regina led the way out of the shop. “What about getting a job? I was going to start my own little business to make some money this summer. How am I supposed to do that if I’m working for you to pay you back?”

“You’ll need some solid references if you expect to generate any business, Henry.”

“So, you’ll be my first solid reference?” Henry asked. “Great.”

“You sound so enthused about it, dear,” Regina laughed as they stepped out onto the bright, sunny sidewalk together. “We all have to start somewhere, don’t we?”

“Yeah. I guess,” he sighed. “What if I suck at painting?”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Henry. It’s simple. I will show you. I’m sure you’ll pick up on it rather quickly.”

“So, can I get some of my friends to help? It’ll get done way faster and I was thinking maybe we don’t have to tell them that I’m working off paying you back for this necklace,” he said quietly. “They’ll work for free, almost, just as long as there is food and drinks and you don’t work us to the bone like a slave driver or something.”

“Yes, you can recruit your friends to help, but I will pay them for their time and not just with food and drinks. I don’t want you lying to your friends or using them, Henry.”

“I’m not--”

“I know.”

Henry rolled his eyes and started walking towards the end of the street. “You want me to text Mom and see where they are?” he asked after they walked down the street together for a couple of minutes. “They’ve been gone for hours. I’m sure she needs rescuing from Zee by now.”

“I’m sure,” Regina laughed. “Text her and find out where they are. We’ll meet them there and then perhaps we’ll go out for lunch.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Henry asked as he pointed at the little bag he was carrying. “I don’t want her to know. I want it to be a surprise and I’m not ready to give it to her yet, you know?”

“I could put it in my purse for now and give it to you when we are back home.”

“Yeah, that’ll work.”

“Text your mother,” Regina said as Henry handed her the bag. She pulled the small narrow box out and placed it in her purse before walking a few steps over to the nearest trash can to throw out the little bag.

“They’re just around the corner,” Henry said as he stared down at his phone that Emma had given back to him after they’d left the courthouse earlier that morning. “Mom said SOS, so we better get over there.”

They turned the corner and Regina let Henry lead the way as he knew the area much better than she did. They entered a small dress shop, Over the Rainbow, it was called, and Regina spotted Zelena near the back where the dressing rooms were with a pile of pastel-colored dresses in her arms.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Zelena sighed in relief. “Maybe you can convince her that there is nothing wrong with the two of us matching for the wedding. I’m her date, after all, and we need to look absolutely ravishing, don’t you agree?”

“Mom already has her dress, Zee,” Henry said. “Why is she trying on other dresses?”

“Because I am trying to convince her that she should get a second dress, you know, for the reception and one that doesn’t terribly clash with the one I’ve picked out already.”

Regina handed her purse to Henry before she stepped past the heavy curtain and into the dressing room. Emma was standing in front of a mirror in only her underwear and sports bra, an ugly orange-colored dress hanging on a hook on the wall nearby. Emma saw Regina first in the reflection of the mirror and she nearly jumped a mile.

“Regina! What are you doing here?”

“Henry text you. Didn’t he tell you that we were on our way?”

“Right,” Emma laughed nervously as she grabbed her jeans and pulled them on quickly. “Is there any way you can convince Zelena that I don’t need a second dress for the wedding? Having to wear the one Mary Margaret picked out is torture enough.”

Regina’s eyes were looking over Emma’s left shoulder rather intently, looking for a scar, _the_ scar where Henry had accidentally shot her with a pellet gun a few years ago. She stepped forward, eyes on a small circular scar on Emma’s shoulder, just near the strap of her sports bra. It was faint, but it was very much there, and Henry had been right. It was no bigger than the tip of an eraser, really.

How had she missed that? Granted, she wasn’t focused on Emma’s shoulder when they’d made love all through the night a little over a week ago and the light had been less than favorable. Yet, it wasn’t just that night. It was those few times Emma had been wearing a tank top that had she looked a little more closely, she would’ve seen the small scar plain and clear as day.

“Regina, what--” Emma’s breath hitched in her chest as Regina reached out and placed two fingers over the scar. It felt like a small crater and Emma shivered. “He told you, didn’t he?”

“Why didn’t you tell me he shot you?”

“It was an accident.”

“Yes, he said as much,” Regina sighed. Her fingers circled the soft skin around the circumference of the scar lightly. “A pellet gun?”

“Does a lot more damage than you’d think, then again he was like two feet away when it went off, so that definitely didn’t help.”

“Henry said you were insufferable.”

“Hey, it _hurt_ , Regina. Three surgeries to try and get the stupid pellet out of bone. Unsuccessfully, may I add. It was a mess.”

“A real bullet would’ve done more damage and taken much longer to heal from, if it didn’t kill you first, that is.”

“Good thing it wasn’t a real bullet, huh?” Emma laughed awkwardly. She grabbed her shirt and sighed as she glanced at the dress hanging on the hook. “You missed the worst of it. Zelena made me try on at least ten different dresses in this shop alone. Ten!”

“And you didn’t find anything to your liking?” Regina asked and Emma laughed as she pulled on her shirt. “You don’t wear dresses.”

“Not usually, no,” Emma said and she took the dress off the hook with a frown. “If I had it my way, I’d wear a suit, but I’m in the wedding party, and I don’t really have a choice. Mary Margaret said that bridesmaids cannot wear suits.”

Regina felt a flutter of arousal surge through her at the thought of Emma in a suit and tie. And then her mind drifted to Emma in nothing but a tie. She gulped hard as she smiled at Emma, trying in vain to hide what that very thought was doing to her.

“What color is the dress?”

“Pink.”

Regina placed a hand over her mouth as the laughter slipped out. “You look nice in pink, Emma. It really pairs well with your hair and skin tone,” she supplied and Emma rolled her eyes before pulling the curtain back and all but shoved the dress she’d tried on before Regina got there into Zelena’s arms.

“No,” Emma said and placed her fingers into a cross as she backed up from Zelena. “I am not getting another dress for the reception.”

“You know that shade of pink clashes terribly with my hair, dear.”

“You know, I can always change my mind, Zee. I don’t have to bring you as my date.”

“But--”

“I know all about your bribe with Henry. How much are you paying him?”

“That is none of your business, Emma,” Zelena said sweetly as she started handing off the dresses in her arms to the saleswoman that tentatively approached her. “We don’t like any of these,” she said to the woman. “Do you have anything else in her size?”

“No, ma’am, I’m sorry.”

“Well, we’ll look somewhere else, thank you,” Zelena said, and when she turned away from the woman, she exaggeratingly rolled her eyes. “Shall we head out for lunch now?”

“Thank you,” Emma apologized to the saleswoman who was holding the large pile of dresses. “Sorry,” she mouthed and turned to sling her arm around Henry. “Let’s go, son.”

“Okay, _Mom_ ,” Henry muttered. “Did you seriously try on all of those?”

“Let’s just say this is one of those things we will never talk about again, hmm?” Emma laughed and led the way out of the store by tugging on the front of Henry’s black t-shirt. “Come on, let’s go get some ice cream.”

“I thought we were going for lunch?” Henry asked.

“We are. You can get the fries you like.”

“And see that girl he likes,” Zelena laughed, joining Emma and Henry as she poked Henry in the side. “Do you remember her, dear? The cute little blonde with the braces that was here the last time?”

“I thought it was the other one. The emo looking girl he almost asked out that one time, remember?”

“Mom! Zee!” Henry groaned as he stepped away from them on the sidewalk. “Seriously. This is exactly why I hate going anywhere with you two.”

“Didn’t you think the girl in the shop was lovely?” Zelena teased. “A little bit older, but you are fairly handsome. I’m sure she’d give you a shot, dear.”

“Maybe with a haircut,” Emma laughed and Henry moved quickly to stand behind Regina. “Look, there is a barber just across the street. What are the chances of that?”

“I’m not cutting my hair!” Henry stated and he placed his hands on Regina’s shoulders when she tried to step away. “No, I need you to save me, Gina. I don’t want to cut my hair and I won’t let her make me do it.”

“I’m your mother,” Emma stated. “You’re still a kid. My kid.”

“Still can’t make me do jack shit,” Henry said lowly. “It’s child abuse.”

“You’re not a child--”

“Aha!” Henry laughed. “You said it yourself, I am not a child. It’s _my_ hair. If I don’t want to cut it, Mom, you can’t make me do it.”

“Calm down, kid, we’re only joking,” Emma said lightly as a few people walking past them paused to stare at them strangely. “People are staring!”

“Good!” Henry said and he let go of Regina’s shoulders with a sigh. “Do you see what I have to put up with, Gina?” he asked and he smiled at her before turning to Emma and Zelena. “At least she doesn’t tease me like you guys do. She’s way more fun to hang out with anyway.”

“You like making deals, don’t you?” Emma asked. “What if I made you a deal, kid?”

“I’m not cutting my hair.”

“Not even for a car?”

“I don’t believe you,” Henry deadpanned.

“Well, I’m not going to buy you a car, but I’ll let you buy one when you have the money.”

“Really?” Henry still looked skeptical. “Or are you still joking around? Ha ha, Henry fell for it once again?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Emma chuckled. “But yeah, I’m serious. You’ll have to take driving lessons, however, and once you pass the Mom test, we’ll discuss it a little bit more.”

“Only _if_ I get a haircut?” Henry asked. “Does a trim count?”

“Speaking of a car,” Zelena intervened. She turned pointedly to Regina. “Did you find something?”

“I did, yes.”

“Perfect. Let’s go for lunch, but not for ice cream. Real food,” she tutted at Emma and she led the way, walking across the street in front of the barbershop. “We’ll stop here after lunch,” she said as she tapped a long fingernail on Henry’s shoulder. “For a trim.”

“I never agreed to that,” Emma said as she and Emma fell into step behind Henry and Zelena.

“Well, those are  _my_ terms, dear,” Zelena said. “What kind of car do you want for your birthday, poppet?”

“Oh no,” Emma exclaimed, rushing in front of them and stopping them in their tracks. “You are not buying Henry a car, Zelena!”

“That would be so cool!” Henry laughed. “You are the best aunt ever!”

“You are _not_ buying him a car for his birthday,” Emma said tightly. “End of discussion.”

“We’ll see.”

[X]

It was odd to be seated in a large booth beside her sister and peering down at the phone as Zelena went through at least two dozen pictures of Emma in the dress she was due to wear in the wedding.

Odd because it felt  _normal_.

Emma and Henry sat across from them, in the midst of a French-fry eating contest. It was juvenile, but Regina found herself laughing at how ridiculous they were both acting.

And it felt normal.

The dress was hideous. Pink didn’t quite begin to describe it in its entirety, and there was lace and ruffles and Emma’s face was priceless in every single picture that Zelena had taken. Most of the pictures looked like she’d taken them before Emma realized what she was doing. Candid.

As hideous as the dress was, Regina still found herself in absolute awe that Emma was still so very beautiful. Even with a scowl on her face.

Regina couldn’t wait to see her in that dress. More so, she couldn’t wait to get the chance to get her out of it.

For the first half of their time at the small roadside diner they ultimately decided on their topic of discussion was Henry and a car. More specifically, it was a one-sided conversation with Emma explaining to Zelena that she is not going to be buying Henry his first car because he was going to work for it. Privilege, not a right, or in this case, a gift for his sixteenth birthday.

The second half consisted mainly of Zelena showing Regina the two dozen pictures of Emma in that hideous dress and the ridiculous contest between Henry and Emma that came to an end when Emma conceded defeat, too full to take another bite.

 “Does this mean I won? I won?!” Henry asked excitedly. “I did, didn’t I? I finally beat you at something, Mom!” He started laughing hysterically until Emma pinched his arm. “Oh come on, don’t be such a sore loser, Mom!”

Emma frowned. “I am not a sore loser.”

“I never win at anything against her,” Henry said to Regina and he lifted a hand to high five Zelena who had her hand held out expectantly. She was just as excited as he was. “Is this what winning feels like?” He was boasting and Emma was pouting. Regina found it all too hilarious and could not stop the laughter that spilled out. “You’re a loser, Mom!”

“ _You’re_ a loser, Henry.”

“Don’t call your son a loser, Emma,” Zelena scolded. “You lost. He defeated you. Suck it up, buttercup!”

The one good thing about the day out with her sister, Emma, and Henry was that it kept her mind otherwise preoccupied. All those dark, heavy thoughts would no doubt make their inevitable return. Regina did her best to become lost in the moment.

The demons in her head could wait for a little longer to torment her once more.


	44. Chapter 44

Regina was finding it harder and harder to find reasons to stay away from the house on First Street. Another night in bed with Emma. Another night where nothing more than a simple, chaste goodnight kiss happened. That morning was different. Emma was up and out of the door before six o’clock, but not before leaving a small post-it note for Regina that she stuck to her pillow.

_Gone for a run. See you after work? Have a great day! xx_

And on the back of the post-it she’d written: _see how simple it is to leave a note?_ with a poorly drawn winky-face at the bottom.

Regina showered and spent a good half an hour in the bedroom deciding what to wear. Everything she owned, everything she had, none of it felt _right_ anymore.

She borrowed one of Emma’s white tank tops and a pair of jean shorts that fit like a glove and felt so good against her skin. Not long after she was dressed and put a pot of coffee on, she was dragging what suitcases she hadn’t pulled into the bedroom already out into the living room. Henry found her with three piles of clothes, a keep pile, a maybe pile, and a donation pile. The donation pile was by far the biggest.

“Do I even want to know?” Henry asked. He sleepily rubbed at his eyes before pushing his hair back. “I don’t want to know, do I?”

“It just occurred to me that I am not going to be working as a lawyer anymore.”

“O--kay,” Henry said and took a cautious step towards her. “Did you decide what you want to do?”

“No,” she sighed. “But most of this has to go.”

“All of that?” Henry’s eyes went wide at the donation pile. “Is--are you wearing Mom’s clothes?”

“I’m borrowing them.”

“While you get rid of most of your clothes?” Henry looked confused. “Why?”

“Yes, dear.”

Henry blinked. He rubbed his eyes and blinked again. “Are you feeling all right?” he asked and took another tentative step towards her. “This is all a bit crazy, isn’t it?”

Was it? Of course it was, but it felt _good_.

“How are you going to get all of that to the amity place?” Henry asked. “You need bags. You also don’t have a car yet, and it’s on the other side of town.”

“I--”

“Do you want some help?” Henry asked.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Nope. I’m still grounded,” he replied. “Is that why you’re still here? Got nothing better to do either?”

“I was going to make breakfast.”

“Pancakes?”

“Maybe.”

Twenty minutes later they were in the kitchen with the radio on, mixing up pancake batter and laughing. They had somehow agreed to make each other their own batch of pancakes, a mini competition to see who made the better pancakes. Emma’s son was competitive. Not a shocker at all.

Two frying pans were heating up on the stove as they moved around the kitchen together like it was the hundred-thousandth time they’d done just that. Regina gave Henry some space to start his pancakes first while she whipped up her mix a little more before she moved to stand next to him at the stove.

“So, I was thinking about Operation Woo Mom,” Henry said. “How is that going, by the way? I mean, you guys are sleeping in the same bed now and--”

“Where nothing but sleep is happening,” Regina said quickly. “Henry, I don’t think we need this operation. Things seem to be going just fine on their own, don’t you think?”

“One, I never want to know what is or what isn’t happening in the bedroom with you and Mom. Gross. Two, are things going just fine or could it be better?” he asked and flipped the three pancakes he had cooking and handed the spatula to Regina. “You guys should go on a date. Ask her out on a date. She won’t expect it at all.”

“We already--”

“What, last week? That doesn’t count. You have to actually _go_ somewhere that isn’t here. It’s not like it used to be, you know?” Henry stated and watched Regina flip her three pancakes and took the spatula back. “A date means being alone,” he added. “Alone together. Make sense?”

“This isn’t the first time that I’ve dated your mother, Henry.”

“You guys didn’t really date before either, though.”

He had a point. What they’d had together in the beginning, it evolved from a friendship into more in its own way, a way that didn’t quite have the right words to describe how it was, but it certainly hadn’t been dating in the traditional sense. Not in the way that Henry was experiencing dating, anyway.

Nothing about their relationship was normal. Most of it was hidden beyond lies, useless lies Regina knew now had been pointless. Maybe that’s what scared her was knowing how different things were, and knowing was far different than living through it herself.

“Let me guess, you have a few suggestions, don’t you?”

“Maybe?” Henry shrugged. “I know you guys never went out on real dates before because, well, you know. But,” he paused and flipped his pancakes and held the spatula out pointedly. “It’s going to be kind of hard to pick a date destination if you don’t drink, isn’t it?”

“Not necessarily. Tell me about your ideas.”

Henry was off as soon as Regina flipped her pancakes and handed the spatula back to him once more. There was dinner at Granny’s, a hard pass since it was not exactly a date-night destination. There was the Rabbit Hole, which Henry determined an automatic no because it was a bar. There were other places outside of Storybrooke that he mentioned that Regina never heard of, but it gave her a few ideas of her own, ideas she kept mostly to herself because she wasn’t so sure Henry would keep it a secret.

Once the pancakes were done and plated, they sat down at the table together to eat. Henry waited for Regina to take the first bite, and once she did, he was grinning like a fool. He knew he’d won from the first bite Regina took. It was _delicious_ and perfectly cooked. Regina had to admit she hadn’t had a better pancake until that very moment.

“You know, Mom skipped her girl’s night out on Saturday night.”

“Did she?” Regina looked over at him in confusion. “I wasn’t aware she did this every Saturday night.”

“Yeah, just about, but she told me a lot of it was because I’m grounded and she doesn’t trust me. Besides, we got to do the whole campout thing in the backyard.”

“Which your mother didn’t last through more than a few hours before she was inside.”

“Yeah, anyway, after she gave my phone back yesterday I had like a million texts, right?” Henry said and he took a mouthful of the apple pancakes Regina had made and moaned quietly. “How about we call it a tie? These are way better than I remember.”

“Are they?” Regina laughed as she reached over with her fork and stole a little bite from Henry’s plate. “Yes, they are way better than I remember, too.”

“I found out from the millions of texts I got that Leroy won the tournament on Saturday night. Mom is gonna lose her shit when she finds out.”

“She doesn’t know?”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” Henry said and shrugged before taking another huge bite of his pancakes. “She hasn’t said anything. Usually that means one of two things. Either she really doesn’t know, or she knows and she’s in denial and pissed.”

“She seemed fine yesterday.”

“She would’ve known on Saturday night. Someone would’ve texted her after the tournament was over to tell her who won.”

“I see. She hasn’t mentioned it.”

“Yeah. Denial. Jeez, you two are really good at the denial thing, aren’t you?”

“Eat your pancakes.”

Henry stifled a laugh before he cut up the last of the pancakes on his plate and all but shoved each bite into his mouth one after the other. Regina slid her plate with one pancake still on it untouched and Henry flashed her a grateful smile before he all but downed that too in a matter of seconds.

“So, I was thinking of recruiting you today for your help,” Regina said as she picked up her plate and Henry’s and carried them to the sink. “And before you say it, yes I know that you are grounded, but your mother was very specific that if I needed your help with anything today that it would be all right for you to leave the house. Only if you’re with me, that is.”

“Okay,” Henry said carefully. “What do you need my help with?”

Regina looked pointedly at the doorway to the living room and he groaned. “First, I need you to find some garbage bags so that I can pack all the clothes I’m donating. Second, I need a pair of strong arms to help me carry everything to amity.”

“We’re going to carry all of that across town? Walking?”

“No,” Regina laughed. “I’ll call a cab. We’re still in the middle of this ghastly heatwave. One would have to be purely crazy to do anything strenuous in this heat.”

“At least it’s not as hot as it was the other day. Welcome to summer in Maine.”

“I do have a few other errands to run today,” Regina said and stepped aside to let Henry wash the dishes and she dried. “I hope you don’t mind tagging along?”

“Definitely don’t mind if it gets me outta the house. I have like cabin fever or something. Another day stuck in here and I’m going to go crazy.”

“You just spent most of the day out of the house yesterday.”

“Yesterday doesn’t count, Gina,” Henry scoffed.

“Right. Of course not.”

Regina decided as they finished up the dishes that she wasn’t going to tell Henry that one of her errands was shopping for new clothes. She had a feeling he wouldn’t enjoy that too much even if it got him out of the house for a good chunk of the day.

[X]

Henry was miserable as he carried one of the dozen shopping bags into the house from the cab that was idling on the street. It was nearly four in the afternoon and Regina was feeling the exhaustion of trying on a hundred different outfits at three different shops in town. Nothing had felt right at the first place they went after dropping off her donated clothes. Everything was too…professional, and she was looking for something more laid back and casual. At least for the time being.

She knew she needed to step away from that part of her life, the professional lawyer side of her life, because she didn’t want to be that Regina Mills anymore. That version of herself, that Regina Mills was not a happy woman.

The second store they went into, and it had been Henry’s suggestion as they walked past it, Regina bought six pairs of jeans that looked like they could’ve come straight out of Emma’s wardrobe. The third and the last store, she bought mainly shirts and a variety of them, though simple and plain, they felt _right_ on her body.

“You know, now I know why most men hate shopping,” Henry groaned as he dropped the bags on the floor in the living room. “Why do you have to try every single thing on?”

“Because no two brands are sized the same,” Regina replied. “Unlike men, women aren’t fortunate to be able to walk into a store knowing their size and leave with a whole new wardrobe without trying a single thing on.”

“Then I’ll consider myself lucky,” Henry chuckled. “You need any more help or are you good?”

“I’m good, Henry. Thank you for tagging along today. It was nice to have the company.”

Henry headed off to his room, phone in hand as he texted one of his friends. Regina carried all of the bags of new clothes into the bedroom and placed them on the bed she’d made that morning. It was an excruciating task of removing the tags from everything before putting it all in three separate piles so that she could wash them later.

She had gotten rid of most of her clothes, but she’d kept items that were practical such as a few of her suits, her extensive collection of lingerie, and two little black dresses she favored over the rest. She’d kept four pairs of heels, she’d spent a fortune on her Louboutin’s and Chanel pumps after all, and it seemed ridiculous to donate those when she absolutely loved those four pairs. The rest, even her so-called casual clothes, were gone, sitting in the donation bin at the amity store at that very moment.

She had just put a load on in the washing machine in the basement when she heard a car door slam in the driveway. She barely made it halfway up the stairs before she heard Emma calling out Henry’s name as she walked into the house.

“Henry!” Emma yelled as Regina ascended up the last few steps and snuck up behind her in the kitchen. “Fuck!” Emma yelped as Regina lightly tapped her on the shoulder and she started laughing as she held a hand to her cheek. “I didn’t even hear you. Have you been here all day?”

“I went shopping,” Regina replied. “I took Henry with me.”

“That’s cruel punishment, babe,” Emma chuckled and she took off her gun belt and placed it down on the kitchen table before she turned and wrapped her arms around Regina tightly. “You are purely evil sometimes, aren’t you?”

“Oh, you have no idea what I am capable of, Sheriff Swan.”

“Mm, is that right?” Emma whispered before she leaned in to place a soft kiss upon Regina’s waiting lips. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Emma, I’m staying here until I get the keys to my house. So, unless that invitation does not extend to dinner--”

“No, no it does, I just didn’t know if, you know, you had anything better to do.”

“You’re not the first one to say that to me today.” Regina stepped out of Emma’s embrace with a heavy sigh and then clarified, “about having nothing better to do.”

“Right. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.”

“So,” Emma drawled out as she pointed towards the refrigerator. “What are you cooking for dinner tonight?”

“Oh, I’m cooking?” Regina laughed. “I am a guest. Guests don’t cook.”

“You’re not a guest.”

“I am,” Regina replied. “Emma, please don’t start with that again.”

“I’m sorry. But--”

“No,” she said sternly as she opened the refrigerator door and pulled out the chicken she’d put in there that morning to thaw out. “How do you feel about stir-fry?”

“What do you need me to do?”

They fell into step together with ease. This she’d done a hundred-thousand times before with Emma. It felt familiar and fulfilling. It felt like _home_.

Regina sliced and started to cook the chicken leaving Emma to rinse and chop the vegetables. Every time she turned around and stepped towards her, they fell into a different step, one filled with teasing, lingering touches, and banter that was nothing short of flirty in nature.

The smile on her face grew and grew. She couldn’t remember the last time she smiled like that. She just couldn’t remember, but it felt good, and she was clinging onto it with all that she had. Every touch lingered a little more and she stood at Emma’s side with a hand on the small of her back and watched as she added the vegetables to the deep frying pan.

“Can’t remember the last time I made this,” Emma said quietly. “Been a while. We usually just do something quick and easy.”

“This _is_ quick and easy.”

“It took me twenty minutes to chop all the vegetables!” Emma groaned. “Henry hates vegetables.”

“He didn’t always.”

Emma leaned into Regina’s lingering touch and smiled. “No, he didn’t. Not when you used to cook them, anyway.” Emma turned and dropped a soft kiss to Regina’s cheek. “Am I doing it right?”

“You can’t mess up vegetables in stir-fry, Emma.”

“Have you met me? I burn water.” Emma bit her bottom lip, stifling her laughter. “Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but why do you think I don’t do vegetables unless someone else prepares and cooks them for me?”

“Then there are a few things I’ll have to teach you, hmm?” Regina slipped behind Emma, switching hands so she could reach to turn the burner down. “Start hot but turn it down. Low and slow.”

Regina placed her hand around Emma’s, her fingers lightly grasping over hers that held the spatula and guided Emma through tossing them with ease. She placed a kiss to Emma’s neck, lingering but for a second and it elicited a soft moan past Emma’s lips.

“Let it rest a moment,” she continued and she felt Emma shiver against her. She moved the spatula to the counter and Emma let it drop, the soft clatter a prelude to Henry clearing his throat from behind them.

“Mom knows how to cook. She took a cooking class with me!” Henry deadpanned. “For three years! You’re such a liar.”

“Way to ruin my game, kid,” Emma groaned as she and Regina stepped away from one another. “I’m not a liar, I just--”

“You just led me on to believe you still couldn’t cook?” Regina asked. Henry started laughing as she took Emma’s place at the stove, stirring the contents in the pan around a little. “Or did you just want me to cook for all of us?”

“Little bit of both?” Emma offered lamely and shrugged. “Besides, I liked pretending I had no idea what I was doing to get a little extra attention from you,” she laughed. “Sorry. I’m sorry. Why don’t you let me finish up in here and Henry can help you set the table?”

Regina handed off the spatula to Emma, and as she turned to step away, Emma’s lips were on hers and kissing her soundly. Henry groaned, shielding his eyes as he pulled open the cupboard to grab the plates.

“We’re really gonna need some ground rules around here if you two are gonna get all kissy-face all the time,” Henry muttered. “Rule number one. No kissing in front of your teenage son. Gross. I’m happy for you and all, but I really don’t want to see…that.”

He barely ducked out of the way as Emma flung a piece of broccoli at him.

“Rule number one, I make the rules. Wear a bell.”

“Mom!” Henry laughed and he caught the next piece of broccoli that was flung at him. He flung it back. “A bell? Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“I’m not going to wear a stupid bell, Mom,” Henry rolled his eyes. “How much longer until dinner is ready?”

“Ten minutes,” Regina answered and she took the stack of plates from him. “I’ll set the table. Why don’t you go wash up?”

“Wait a second,” Emma said as she waved a finger at Henry to stop in his tracks. “You said rules. Plural. You told me one rule. What were the rest?”

“Of what?” Henry blinked with an innocent smile. “You said it best. You make the rules around here, remember?”

“Ah, you ass kisser, get out of here and go wash up!”

“Emma,” Regina sighed. “Language.”

“Yeah, Mom, _language_!” Henry laughed on his way out of the kitchen.

“It really doesn’t matter anymore, does it? He’s going to say what he wants to say whether I say it or not,” Emma said and it made Regina blink twice before she understood what Emma had just said. “Sorry. Don’t bother with setting the table, Regina. Just put everything on the counter right here.”

“You went to cooking classes?” Regina asked. “Whose idea was that?”

“It was a gift from your mother, well the first three classes anyway. We just kept going back. It was fun.”

“Well, now that I know your secret,  you’ll have to surprise me some time.”

Emma smiled. “Oh, I will,” she said. “How about…uh, Friday?”

“A date?” Regina asked and Emma nodded. “All right, but just in case you are unaware, your son believes staying at home is not a real date.”

“Who says we’re staying home?”

[X]

Dinner turned out to be amazing, more so than Regina had initially expected it to be. They spent an hour in the kitchen together, not just eating but talking and joking around, acting like a _family_.

The flirting between her and Emma wasn’t exactly subtle, either, but Henry didn’t bug them too much about it anymore, though he was a bit teasing in nature.

And because the rule in the house was that the cook never cleans up, Henry was stuck doing dishes while Emma and Regina retreated to the living room together. Outside, a storm brewed, and though it was still quite off in the distance, the soft sound of rumbling thunder made Regina _shiver_.

It was still quite warm in the house, but not unbearable. Regina couldn’t help but curl up into Emma on the couch as Emma flipped on the news. The lights flickered as the storm drew closer and she leaned into Emma more. Emma knew how storms turned her on, and she was already turned on beyond belief after what had happened in the kitchen earlier. Regina hummed softly as the lights flickered a second time and she reveled in the warmth she could feel coming off of Emma’s body.

“Should close some windows, storm’s close,” Emma said as she flipped off the TV and walked to the front window. “Been getting a lot of storms this summer.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“I bet you aren’t,” Emma laughed and she pulled the window shut before she drew open the drapes and blinds. “We’ve watched some good storms right here.”

Regina got up from the couch, wordlessly moving to one end of the couch while Emma moved to the other. They pulled the couch out in front of the window just as the rain began to fall. Emma fell down onto the couch with a small laugh and pulled Regina down onto her lap. She snuggled into the side of Regina’s neck as she wrapped her arms tight around her middle.

“I know we watched some of those good storms,” Regina whispered as the memories of those times on the couch, especially at night during a good storm, flooded through her harder than the rain fell outside. “Pretty sure we were focused on…other things.”

Regina could barely speak as Emma’s lips pressed to her neck softly. “You look good in my clothes,” she whispered, the first acknowledgment she’d made since she got home about the borrowed clothes Regina was still wearing.

Emma’s hands fell to the top of her thighs and she placed another kiss to her neck. She closed her eyes, imagining Emma’s hands elsewhere. Everywhere. Her body arched, her neck exposed, her breath trembling as Emma’s hands slipped to her inner thighs, thumbs teasing at the frayed hem on her shorts. She let her legs fall open, another trembling, shuddered breath falling past her lips, Emma’s lingering on the junction between her neck and shoulder.

The groan that fell past Emma’s lip was not one borne from pleasure. Regina groaned when she heard Emma’s phone going off in the kitchen. That damn annoying police siren ringer Emma insisted on keeping for some reason.

“Always on duty, isn’t that right, Sheriff Swan?”

“Tonight, yeah,” Emma groaned. “I’m sorry. I should get that.”

She was quick to move once Regina slipped off her lap. All Regina could do was watch Emma dart into the kitchen only to emerge a few moments later, phone against her ear with her shoulder as she fumbled with her belt.

“I’ll be there in five minutes, just…just keep it from falling apart, all right?” Emma said and she let the phone drop into her hand. “I have to go.”

 _Be careful_.

Regina didn’t say a word, she just nodded and watched Emma pull on some rain boots and then grabbed a jacket from the closet. She was out the door no less than thirty seconds later, darting across the lawn to the cruiser she’d driven home, the Bug still out of commission.

It’s darker outside than it should be with the rain. Regina watched Emma pull away, the taillights disappearing as the seconds ticked by. She curled up on the couch, her eyes closed, and she listened to the sound of the rain as it fell steadily outside.

And felt herself starting to fall, too.

No more than five minutes after Emma had pulled away, she got a text telling her not to wait up. She’d be a while. Domestic. Leahy’s again.

It left Regina wondering if she could handle this part of Emma’s life, the fact that she was the town’s sheriff and would likely be on call more than she was not. It was one thing to hear stories from Henry and a whole other thing to experience it.

Even from the few stories she’d heard about the kind of things Emma had to deal with as the sheriff, from both Emma and Henry, and she’d heard a little from Zelena on the car ride back from Portland, too. Storybrooke was a relatively safe town. Crime rates were low, but not non-existent. Domestic disturbances were the most common call after trespassing, though the trespassing calls usually came from the same handle of older women who lived alone and were simply just paranoid as Emma had put it.

The Leahy’s, she remembered the family from when she’d been growing up. Rough red-neck type family, kept mostly to themselves until they invited other people into their personal problems. Emma told her it was nothing to worry about, but she still worried.

It made her stomach churn into knots.

At least it was enough to take her mind off of everything else now trying to fight its way to the forefront of her mind. She laid on the couch for a few hours, only retreating to bed for the night after the storm had passed.

She couldn’t fall asleep. She tossed and turned, kicked off the sheets when the heat in the room became a little too unbearable, the air sticky with moisture that didn’t move out with the storm. It wasn’t long before her worry about Emma doing her job was taken over by her worry about her own happiness.

Some things felt far too good to be true.

Like most things in life.

And like most things in life, things that are too good to be true end up in misery.

Regina’s battle against her demons was revving up for another round and she felt absolutely powerless to stop them.

The strength she’d had since the last time she fell was waning.

And now it was only a matter of time before she slipped, before something triggered her that would inevitably push her far, far over the edge once more.


	45. Chapter 45

Emma was gone most of the night. Regina was still awake, tossing and turning and consumed by her thoughts when Emma slipped into the house just after three in the morning. She didn’t move from where she lay on the bed and just listened. Over the hum of the fans around the bedroom and the house, she could hear Emma moving around the kitchen. A crack of a can opening, Coke most likely since there were a few cans in the refrigerator, a muffled curse a moment later, followed by footsteps Regina heard pause outside the bedroom door before the bathroom door opened and shut.

Emma didn’t come to bed for another hour. She showered and slipped into the bedroom, using the flashlight on her phone to get dressed in a pair of worn shorts and a t-shirt. She left as soon as she had dressed, left without a word, without so much of a glance at where Regina lay in the bed watching her.

Even though she didn’t come to bed, knowing she was home, safe and sound, it allowed Regina the chance to finally succumb to the hard pull of sleep.

She woke to the sound of her phone buzzing on the bedside table near her head. She squinted, the room bright, and blindly reached for her phone, answering it without checking to see who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, Regina.” Gold. “I apologize. I know it’s still quite early, but is there any chance you’ll be able to meet with myself and the real estate lawyer in an hour?”

“Is everything all right?”

“Just some paperwork that needs to be finalized before the deed is signed over officially and the keys are in your hand.”

“Where are we meeting?”

After the phone call, Regina was up and in the shower, and by the time she was dressed and her damp hair brushed and left to air dry, she found Emma in the kitchen waiting with a cup of coffee she’d made for her. The first thing she noticed was how red Emma’s eyes were from the lack of sleep, or what little she might’ve gotten. Emma looked a shade or two beyond exhausted, but it didn’t keep the smile from curling over her lips or the fact that she greeted Regina with a soft kiss good morning.

She brought Emma up to speed as she sipped her coffee and ran her fingers through her damp hair a few times to try to stay ahead of taming the curls that were naturally falling free as her hair dried. Emma didn’t say much, but she smiled at Regina’s excitement that was bubbling beneath the surface, and told her to call when she had the keys to her new house. Emma was taking the morning off, she informed her, to sleep before pulling an afternoon shift at the station. Something seemed a little _off_ , but Regina tried not to read into things too much because Emma was exhausted and it was likely the exhaustion of being up all night on call that made it that way.

She met Robert Gold and the real estate lawyer he had brought in to finalize the sale of the old Levingston farm at Gold’s shop in the back where his small, cluttered office was. It was a quick meeting, the lawyer seemingly in a hurry to get things done, and it was barely nine o’clock in the morning.

The excitement of having the keyring with five different keys placed in her hand was followed by an overwhelming surge of emotions. She was excited, but she was terrified. Owning a house, _property_ , was not only a significant investment but also a huge responsibility.

There was a ton of work ahead of her when it came to the house, but none of which she could really start just yet. First, she needed to pick up her new vehicle, and then she could head to the hardware store and buy the paint and all the supplies she’d need. She’d also need to call Marco and find out when he could start some of the work that would need to be done prior to her moving into the house.

It was so overwhelming she felt as if she were on the verge of a panic attack. Or worse. Relapse.

Her phone call to David went unanswered. Her second call was to Emma, that too went unanswered. Her third phone call was to Kathryn, who told her to go to the diner and wait for her there, that they’d have breakfast together and celebrate her getting the keys to her new house.

It wasn’t _why_ she’d called, but she didn’t seem to get a chance to explain to Kathryn the nature of the phone call or the exact reason she needed to talk to her before Kathryn had hung up.

Regina thought that maybe she needed to find new friends, different friends, and she headed to the diner and waited for Kathryn, sitting at a booth near the back and away from some of the other customers that were there enjoying breakfast and coffee. Ruby was working that morning and approached the booth with a tired smile and was carrying a fresh pot of coffee.

“Ready to order or are you waiting on someone?” Ruby asked, pouring the coffee into the mug in front of Regina when Regina indicated for her to. Upon Regina’s shake of her head, she just offered her another tired smile. “Well, holler when you’re ready to order or if you need another dose of caffeine.”

“Thank you, Ruby.”

Regina was on her second cup by the time Kathryn breezed into the diner. She was dressed in a cute white summer dress and bright red pumps. Regina just quirked an eyebrow as Kathryn sat down with a heavy sigh and placed her clutch she was carrying on the table in front of her.

“You look nice,” Regina said and Kathryn laughed as she smoothed her hands down the front of her dress.

“You look…different,” Kathryn stated as she took in Regina’s outfit. “Plain Jane your new look, dear?”

“It’s not--” Regina groaned at the oblivious look Kathryn gave her. “I needed a change.”

“So, you turned into Plain Jane?”

“It’s comfortable.”

“It’s boring,” Kathryn tittered. “How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. Not since you decided to stay with Emma.”

“I’ve been keeping busy,” Regina replied. “Henry is a free man, so to speak. I also managed to buy a vehicle while we were in Portland on Monday for his hearing.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“Kathryn, the reason I--”

“Isn’t today the day you get the keys to the house, dear?” Kathryn asked excitedly. Regina just nodded and traced a finger along the rim of her mug. “Have you any idea when the work will start?”

“As soon as I hear back from Marco. I left him a message earlier.”

“Well, my offer still stands.”

“What offer?” Regina asked incredulously. “To move in?”

“Well, not just that, but to help you out with anything you need. You sounded a bit upset on the phone, Regina. Is everything all right?”

“No, Kathryn, everything is not all right.”

“I’m here. Talk to me.”

“I--”

“Hey,” Ruby drawled out cheerfully as she bounced over to the booth. “Coffee?”

“Please. Can I get a veggie omelet, please?”

“With or without cheese?”

“With, please.”

“Regina?” Ruby asked as she turned to her and tapped her pencil on her pad. “What can I get for you?”

“I’ll just have another coffee, please.”

Regina sighed as Ruby topped up her mug and walked away. She didn’t fail to notice the look that was exchanged between Ruby and Kathryn, one she’d never seen Kathryn reciprocate with another woman before. Curious, she reached out and tapped the back of Kathryn’s hand and it made the blonde jump a little.

“What?”

“Is there something you want to tell me, Kathryn?”

“What?” Kathryn looked confused. “No, oh!” she exclaimed. “I’m heading back to Tokyo on Sunday. For two weeks.”

“And after that?”

“I’ll be moving everything I own back here in town. I’ve been looking for places and well,” she said and paused as she glanced over at Ruby behind the counter. “As you know, there aren’t many options for rentals in this town. Ruby has a spare room she’s kindly offered to me.”

“You’re going to move in with Ruby?”

“Why do you act like that is shocking beyond belief?”

“Because you and Ruby Lucas aren’t friends.”

“We are,” Kathryn replied. She reached out to pat Regina’s hand lightly. “We’ve been friends for many years now, actually. Before I moved to Tokyo with Fred, I used to go out for girl’s night with everyone. This isn’t brand new information to you, Regina. I told you about this, didn’t I?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Oh, that’s right, because you never wanted to hear a damn thing about anything remotely related to Storybrooke or Emma Swan, hmm?” Kathryn was angry. Her blue eyes had darkened and her fists were now clenched. She took a few deep breaths before she shook out her hands and forced a smile to take over the scowl that had settled on her face. “Anyway, what was it that you wanted to talk about, Regina?”

“Forget about it. It’s nothing,” she replied with a wave of dismissal. “Where are you flying out of? Boston?”

“Boston to Newark then non-stop to Tokyo from there. My flight is at four in the afternoon. A bit late to make such a long trek, but I can always sleep on the plane.”

Regina swallowed past the lump in her throat as Kathryn continued, talking about the plans she had to pack up the condo in Tokyo, sell most of the furniture, pack up her things and head back to Storybrooke in two weeks. She claimed to have been inspired by Regina doing the very same thing last week and she droned on and on about her plans to go back to working for the mayor’s office as a corporate lawyer there, a job she’d had before moving to Tokyo earlier in the year.

While Kathryn talked about her plans and ate her omelet, Regina subtly text David with her phone hidden under the table, asking him to call her as it was a bit of an emergency. She fiddled with her phone nervously, turning it over and over in her hands as she waited for a response, one that didn’t come.

“Why don’t you go and put on something nice and acceptable?” Kathryn said when they left the diner together almost an hour after Kathryn arrived. “I’m due to meet your mother at the country club for--”

“No,” Regina said flatly. “I’m not interested in joining you and my mother. Why are you even meeting up with my mother? Don’t tell me,” she said drolly. “You’re friends with her as well, hmm?”

“Wednesday afternoons at the club are reserved for tea and gossip, something I haven’t indulged in for quite some time. Fred hated when I would take the afternoon off to go for tea with the ladies at the club. Your mother just so happens to be one of them. She invited me and it’d be rude of me not to be there.”

“Is that why you’re dressed like that?”

Kathryn laughed. “Come on, Regina, go put on a cute dress and join me, please?”

“No,” she said a little firmer than the last no that came out of her mouth. “I have other things to do today, Kathryn. Perhaps another time.”

“Suit yourself,” Kathryn said with a wave of her hand. “Call me later?”

She knew she wouldn’t be calling Kathryn later when she told her she would. She needed a friend. She needed someone to _listen_ , and Kathryn hadn’t even afforded her that. She didn’t move from the sidewalk until Kathryn climbed into the cab she’d called and was gone. She kept checking her phone as she walked down the street, heading in the direction of the harbor. Still nothing. Nothing from David and nothing from Emma.

It felt much like it did that morning she ended up at the Rabbit Hole and drank herself into oblivion. She was fighting and fighting, fighting that losing battle it seemed as she found herself standing outside the Rabbit Hole no more than five minutes later.

_No_ , the voice in her head was screaming at her, and it continued to do just that until she mustered the courage to walk away from the bar that had been like a second home to her more than a decade ago.

She was on the phone and calling David as she walked away from the entrance to the bar, her hands shaking as she listened to the line ring and ring and ring.

“Hey, sorry I missed your call, but if you leave me a message, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

Voicemail. She hung up without leaving a message and swallowed past the growing lump in her throat. What was the point in having a sponsor if he didn’t answer his damn phone like he promised he would?

The boardwalk at the harbor was surprisingly busy for a weekday morning. Regina wandered down to one end and back again, consumed by the anger bubbling inside of her, consumed by the thoughts she was trying to ignore, the cravings that were _testing_ her to no avail. She kept checking her phone every couple of minutes, and even though she didn’t expect any answer from anyone, she was still disappointed.

She felt so incredibly alone.

It was terrifying. Terrifying mainly because she was losing all sense of self-control.

She was standing right on the edge, about to fall. Her addiction was tearing her apart, piece by piece, shredding away small pieces of her soul as the demons began to win the endless war that raged inside of her.

She was so consumed by her thoughts that it didn’t register right away that her phone was ringing and buzzing in her hand. She answered the call before it went to her voicemail and she shakily took a deep breath as David spoke.

“Sorry I missed your calls, Regina. Mary Margaret and I have been up to our eyeballs with last-minute wedding preparations,” he said with a laugh. He was oblivious. He had no idea what was going on with her at that very moment. “Regina? Is everything all right?”

“No, David, it’s not.”

“Do you need to talk or do you want me to come to you and we’ll…do whatever it is we need to do?” he asked, his tone a little more serious than it had been moments earlier. “Regina?” he asked, his tone now a little more worried. “Where are you?”

“At the harbor, by the old canning factory.”

“All right. Stay where you are. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Regina, I’m sorry,” David said before she could hang up. “I know I’m your sponsor. I should’ve answered your calls and texts right away.”

“You have other matters that are more important than--”

“No, what’s important right now is that you have the support that you need. I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’m on my way right now.”

Regina sat down on a nearby bench and placed her head in her hands as tears burned in her eyes. She _hated_ feeling like this. She hated struggling. She hated that she had a disease that just wouldn’t go away no matter how much she willed it to. She needed help, more help than just a sponsor, more support than those meetings. She wasn’t sure just what she needed, but she knew it wasn’t enough.

Nothing ever was.

Drinking her sorrows and pain away had been easier, but now one drink was one too many and not enough.

At least she’d lived under the false pretension that she’d been happy. Sure, she’d had a problem with drinking too much, with drinking every day, with depending on it just to get through one more day, but it didn’t stop her from missing it.

That delicious burn of alcohol in her throat. The buzz that would course through her veins and chase all her worries away. Temporarily, that is.

She didn’t miss the fogginess that came the day after she drank heavily. She didn’t miss the headache or the sour taste in her mouth that didn’t quite go away even if she brushed her teeth more than three times. She definitely didn’t miss the selective memory that came with the blackouts. She did miss the oblivious reality she’d lived in where it was easier to pretend she wasn’t hurting deep inside, easier to forget, easier to not feel guilty because she couldn’t remember what she’d done or who she’d been with the night before.

It was a part of her life that was haunting her without mercy.

A part of her life she was definitely not proud of even if she was craving to have a taste of it all again. If just for one day.

Regina had to force herself to stay right where she was until David got there. She was trembling, tears burning in her eyes when she saw him pull into the parking lot not far from where she sat and then watched as he hurried over to the bench carrying two large cups of coffee from Granny’s.

“Hey,” he said quietly as he held up a cup to Regina and sat down once she’d taken it from him with slight hesitation. “Do you want to talk here or would you like to go for a walk? We could go somewhere more private if you’d like?”

“You didn’t need to come.”

“I did.”

“You have wedding stuff to deal with.”

David chuckled and waved it off. “Mary Margaret can handle it. You need me,” he said and she frowned, letting the tears that burned in her eyes fall unrestrained. “How long has it been hitting you this hard?”

“Since last night.”

“You should’ve called.”

“I did call. I even text you.”

“Again, I am so sorry, Regina,” he said. “I will understand if you feel you need someone else to be your sponsor. I haven’t made a very good impression so far, have I?”

“Maybe this isn’t enough for me,” she whispered. “Maybe I need something else.”

“Therapy?” David asked. “Rehab?”

“I managed to get myself sober for three months, David, I don’t need to go to rehab. I haven’t fallen off the wagon fully yet.”

“You won’t.”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” she said tightly. “I’m having a lot of doubts.”

“About what?”

“Being back here.”

David draped his arm around the bench behind her and removed his sunglasses. He hung them from the collar of his t-shirt and offered her a small smile. “What does it feel like to be back here after all these years?”

“Not like anything I imagined it would.”

“Do you regret coming back here?”

“I have a lot of regrets, and yes, I do regret coming back here, David. I would’ve never come back if my father hadn’t--if he hadn’t--” she stopped to wipe at her tears and placed her coffee down on the bench between her and David. “I would not have come back had I not had to be here to bury my father. I asked myself many times since his funeral if there would’ve been any other reason to come back.”

“What answer did you come up with?”

“I don’t have one.”

“And Emma?” David asked tentatively. “How are things going with you two?”

“Fine.”

“Have you tried talking to her when you start feeling like this?”

“No. I mean, I did text her when you weren’t answering, but no, I haven’t tried talking to her about any of this, David. She wouldn’t understand. At least not the way I need her to. Gods, I’m feeling so defeated and confused. Hell of a combination, isn’t it?”

“Why? Aren’t you happy?”

“Of course I am happy,” she snapped. “The problem is, I won’t _let_ myself be happy. That’s entirely fucked up, isn’t it, David? That I feel happy, I know I can be happy, my happiness is being paraded around in front of me, and yet I won’t let myself enjoy it.”

“You’re happy, but you won’t let it consume you,” he stated quietly. “I understand. Is it because your happiness stems from someone other than yourself?”

“Possibly. I have no idea, David. Why do you think I feel so confused?”

“Okay, let’s focus on something else that makes you happy,” he said as he placed a hand on Regina’s shoulder, squeezing gently and smiled at her. “You just bought a house. Don’t you get the keys today?”

“I already have them.”

“Does that make you feel happy?”

“It makes me feel absolutely terrified, to be honest with you.”

“Why?”

“I bought a house, David. A _house_. A farm. At the back of my mind, I keep wondering if I just made a really big mistake doing that. Now I’m committed to staying here and starting my life all over again from square one. I have a house to look after, to keep, and it is a lot of responsibility. I am not entirely certain I can do this.”

“I think you underestimate yourself and what you are capable of, Regina.”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“I suppose,” he chuckled. “You know, I was thinking earlier that we can’t call it the old Levingston farm anymore. It’s yours now. It needs a name.”

“A name?”

“Sure. Maybe if you give it a name of its own, one that is yours, you won’t feel so terrified about the prospect of being a homeowner?”

“Let me guess, you came loaded with suggestions, hmm?”

“Maybe?” he replied carefully. “I don’t want to pressure you, but as someone who spent most of his life on a farm, it’s good luck to name it. Like you would a boat.”

“Good luck, hmm?”

David nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know if Kathryn ever told you, but the farm I grew up on before my father drank himself to death when I was ten, it was called Serenity Acres.”

“I remember, David. My father and I used to come to buy vegetables there at the end of every summer until you and your mother sold it.”

“Ah, that’s right,” he said lightly. “Anyway, it is kind of an unspoken rule to name your property.”

“For good luck.”

“Yes,” he said with a slow nod. “Whether you are operating a farm or not, all the luck is needed when you own a home. Have you spoken with Marco about starting some of the repairs that are needed at the house?”

“I left him a message earlier. I’m still waiting to hear back from him.”

“You might be waiting a while. I saw his truck parked outside of Emma’s house on my way here.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want to go for a drive?” David asked.

“Where?”

“To your new house, of course.”

Regina placed a hand over the keys in her pocket before she turned to him with a smile. “Let’s go,” she said. “It might be a good distraction.”

Though she doubted it, really.

[X]

It turned out to be a good distraction while David was still there with her. He helped her make a much-needed list of everything she needed to do around the house and the property and even helped her take some measurements so she’d known how many gallons of paint she’d need to buy in advance. Though they spent a few hours at the house together, he left after they took a drive around in his truck, following the outskirts of the property where there were dirt roads.

He’d offered to drive her back into town. She told him she was going to stay there for a while. It was quiet when he was gone, and she found herself wandering the house, envisioning the house freshly painted, clean, with all her things and her there in it. It stirred up some thoughts of Emma and Henry being there, too, thoughts she tried to quickly push to the back of her mind as she tried hard to focus on just the house itself.

And not at all on the potential occupants it _might_ one day have.

It was useless.

Every other thought racing through her mind was solely on Emma Swan and her son. If it wasn’t one or both of them, her mind was reeling back to how _good_ a drink would feel, especially after the stress she’d been experiencing for weeks now.

_What harm would one drink do?_

A lot, she knew that as a solid fact. She could not just have one drink and leave it at that. The demons inside of her wouldn’t let her stop at just one.

One is not enough and one is too many.

David talked to her about this. He told her that urge to drink would always be there and that it would only win if she gave in. He promised her she was stronger than she believed she was, that she wasn’t in this alone, that it was okay to feel empty, to feel angry, to feel confused. He told her she’d need to start validating her thoughts, her emotions, let herself feel that it is okay to feel incredibly lonely and at a loss.

_“What would your father say if he was here right now?”_

_“How would I know, David, the man is dead and gone.”_

_“Regina, what would he tell you right now if he were here?”_

The problem was, she knew exactly what her father would tell her right now. He would tell her to own her demons, to fight them, to not give in no matter how tempting it was. She just didn’t want to let that thought truly sink in because with it came that ache in her heart that had been there since the moment she found out he had passed away.

“Oh, Daddy,” she whispered as she stepped out onto the shade of the front porch. “What am I supposed to do now? I’m a wreck. I don’t--I can’t deal with you being gone. None of this feels real. Oh,” she sighed and sat down on the front steps, careful not to snag her shorts on the loose nail. “I wish you could’ve been here when I came home. I think you would’ve been happy to have me home, wouldn’t you?”

He would’ve been overjoyed. More so when she bought the old Levingston farm because he had known her whole life that it was her dream. A far-fetched dream that was closer to becoming a reality than it ever had been before.

Maybe that’s what was so scary about all of this.

Or maybe she just was a coward, through and through.

“I wish you were here for all of this,” she whispered to the breeze that blew gently, ruffling the leaves in the trees nearby. “I’m home and you’re not here.”

A tremor fluttered through her as the tears flowed freely and her heart didn’t feel as tight, or as broken, but that feeling lingered just for a moment before the heaviness settled back down.

“Am I doing the right thing?” she asked. “Being here? Doing this, whatever this is?” A laugh escaped her as she lifted the bottom of her shirt to wipe her tears away. “Am I doing the right thing being with Emma again? It feels right, but…”

But what?

But she was too afraid?

But she felt unworthy of having Emma still love her the way she used to, so that was reason enough for her to push Emma away? To keep her at arm’s length?

All because she was afraid of heartbreak. Of her own. Of Emma’s, especially.

She was tired of being alone. It wasn’t the reason she was gravitating towards Emma or spending most of her time with Emma and Henry, but it was one of many. Emma felt like home. Emma was safe. Emma had been her first love, her _only_ love, and she longed to be a part of that life again where they were together. In love. Making the best out of life that they could.

Even behind all those lies before, she had been happy. They both had been happy. They could have it all again and more. It was different now, she was starting to see it and believe it, but she was having a hard time really seeing the way things used to be as clearly as she had a week ago.

Yet, that “but” hung heavy at the forefront of her mind, a nagging thought that would just not leave her be.

She could have everything she ever wanted with Emma, everything they used to have, and everything else they could have from that point forward. So, the question she kept asking herself was why. Why couldn’t she just let herself be happy, be with Emma again, fully and completely?

The answer, one she tried and failed to ignore, was because the demons she was fighting just wouldn’t let her.

That was a fight that wouldn’t end until she ended the demons inside of her once and for all.

The question she now asked herself now was how she was going to even start doing just that.

Her phone buzzed, and though the service out there was a little sketchy, she saw she had two bars, and she swiped at the screen to read the text she’d just gotten from Emma.

**_Hey. What are you up to?_ **

Regina was in the midst of typing up a reply when another came in.

**_Is everything all right?_ **

**_Not really. I’m at the house._ **

Her phone was ringing seconds after she sent the text back and she answered it with a choked sob as she said Emma’s name.

“Hey, Regina, it’s okay,” Emma whispered. “Whatever it is, you got this, okay?”

“Emma, you have no idea what I’m going through right now.”

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Please?”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Emma asked.

Regina swallowed, the lump tight in her throat. Static crackled over the line and she pulled the phone away from her ear with a grimace. She didn’t know if it was on her end of Emma’s and it touched a nerve. She groaned in frustration as she put the phone back to her ear and focused, just for a moment, the sound of Emma breathing on the other end of the line in between the staticky crackles and pops.

“Regina?”

“I’m still here.”

“Why can’t you talk to me?” Emma asked, her voice small. Distant. “Regina?”

“Because I don’t know how, Emma.” Regina frowned as the static grew louder and she couldn’t quite make out what Emma was saying. “I’m losing you. Emma? Emma, are you there?”

Nothing but silence greeted her as the call was dropped suddenly and she resisted the urge to throw her phone out onto the grass in front of her. A few minutes passed before her phone buzzed and she looked down at the text that appeared on the screen from Emma.

**_Stay right where you are. I’m coming to you_ ** **_xx_ **


	46. Chapter 46

It was a side of her that very few had ever seen before. A side of her that Emma definitely had never seen before.

The level of vulnerability she was feeling in the time she received the text from Emma and when she drove up the long gravel driveway in the cruiser, it was nothing short of overwhelming. Her heart was racing, just thundering in her chest, constricting. Suffocating. She was on the verge of a panic attack, just about, and the tears hadn’t stopped since she had gotten that text from Emma.

All she wanted to do was run. Run to the nearest store or bar and drown her sorrows.

To feed the demons that invaded her very soul.

Small beads of sweat rolled down her back as she watched Emma jump out of the car mere seconds as it stopped. Emma strode over to her with determination in each step. The closer she got, the more Regina could see the worry that lingered in her wide eyes. It just made her chest feel a little too tight, and the lump in her throat grew twice the size.

“Hey,” Emma whispered as she approached Regina, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug. “Hey, it’s okay,” she shushed as she rubbed Regina’s back, the tears falling hotly from Regina’s eyes against her shoulder. “Regina, please talk to me.”

“I can’t.”

She felt Emma tense, but Emma did not let her go. Her arms just tightened around her a little more, and she trembled as Emma pressed her lips ever so gently to the side of her head. For every time she pushed at Emma to step out of the embrace, Emma tightened her hold, almost as if she was planning to never let her go.

_Don’t let me go. Don’t let me fall._

“What’s going on?”

“It’s been a very…trying day,” Regina replied with much hesitation. Emma’s hold on her loosened some, but she didn’t try to push her away as she had been before. “I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed.”

“I get that,” Emma said and she leaned back, smiling as she stared longingly into Regina’s eyes. “I wish you could talk to me about whatever is going through your head right now.”

“I doubt you’d understand.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but I am here, okay? I am ready to listen whenever you are ready to talk about what it is that’s going on with you.”

Fear. That’s what she saw in Emma’s eyes as she spoke. Emma was scared and it sent Regina’s nerves into a frenzy.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Emma asked, her voice small and quiet.

“I am home.”

“Regina,” she sighed. “I know this,” she said as she waved up at the house, “is your home now, but it needs a lot of work before you can actually live here.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?”

“I just--” Emma scoffed and let her arms drop and she took a step back with a frown. “Can I take you back to my place, Regina?”

“I’m fine where I am right now.”

She really wasn’t and she knew Emma knew that too.

“How are you going to get back to town without a car?” Emma asked. “How did you get here in the first place without a car? Did you call a cab or--?”

“David drove me out here. He helped me take some measurements and did a more thorough inspection of the property line, at least where we could go in his truck. I was going to stay a while and…well,” she sighed in defeat. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

A look of realization dawned on Emma’s face at the mention of David’s name. “Okay,” she said and casually slung an arm around Regina’s tense shoulders. “So, do I get a tour or--?”

“If you’d like.”

“I would love.”

Regina smiled and stepped away from Emma towards the front door. She barely had her hand on the old antique doorknob when her phone started ringing. She furrowed her brow as she looked down at the screen. It was the dealership where she’d bought her new car calling and she answered it on the third ring.

The Escalade was ready for her to pick it up and everything she’d been feeling before seemed to flutter away as she hung up the phone with a smile on her face. Emma was smiling too, lingering on the porch just behind her and trying to peer in the window to see inside.

“The tour, I’m afraid, will have to wait, but I will take you up on that offer for the ride back into town, Emma,” she said. “I’ll need to see if Zelena can--”

“I can take you.”

“You can’t. You’re working.”

“I’ll take a break.”

“I’ll ask Zelena,” Regina laughed lightly. “You have a job to do here, Sheriff Swan. You can’t be taking off for a couple of hours and leave town. What if something happens?”

“You just jinxed it,” Emma pouted. “Thanks. Okay, well, raincheck on the tour then? Maybe we can come by later and you can show me your new place?”

“I’d like that, Emma.”

“Me too.”

[X]

They didn’t talk about what Regina couldn’t and wouldn’t talk to Emma about when she arrived at the house. Not on the car ride back into town, not after Emma convinced Regina it was okay she took off for a couple of hours to drive her out to Portland to pick up her new vehicle, and not on that long drive to the dealership.

They didn’t talk about it when Regina returned to the Swan house later that evening and found Emma and Henry out in the backyard with a fire going, marshmallows at the ready, and a spot reserved for her beside Emma. Even after they headed inside for the evening, they didn’t talk.

For Regina, it was easier that way.

Emma and Henry had done a good job at keeping her mind from wandering for most of the evening, but everything came barreling back as soon as she retreated to bed and lay there alone while Emma showered.

A new AC unit had been installed that day, but it had cooled considerably as the sun set beyond the horizon and Emma decided not to fire it up, opening up all the windows that had been shut earlier to let the breeze and fresh air in. Henry was miserable about it, but he didn’t whine too much after Regina explained it was better to only use it when needed and not just because they had it.

Regina lay on the bed, her eyes trained on the ceiling, the bedside lamp on and casting a soft orange glow in the room. She listened to the sound of the water running in the shower, and when she closed her eyes, all she could see was Emma. Naked. It stirred up a deep arousal that had her panties feeling damp within minutes.

The urge for release had her slipping a hand beneath her pajama shorts and into her underwear. Her fingers only just grazed the top of her cropped pubic hair when she heard Emma’s incredibly annoying ringer blasting from the bathroom. She slipped her hand out just as Emma darted into the room with a towel barely wrapped around her body a few minutes after the ringing had stopped when Emma had answered the phone.

“Got called in again?”

“Yep,” Emma said as she hurried over to the dresser and pulled out some clean underwear. “I swear to god both of my deputies are completely incompetent.”

“Domestic call?”

“Yes,” she said and she dropped the towel and pulled on a sport’s bra with her back turned to Regina. “Not the Leahy’s this time. Shit,” Emma said and she groaned in annoyance as she grabbed the jeans she’d been wearing earlier and pulled them on. “Talk about really bad timing, huh?”

“Urgent call?”

“All of them have to be treated as urgent,” she replied as she walked over to the closet and pulled out a clean t-shirt. “Hopefully it’ll be quick. I really would like to sleep for more than a few hours tonight. Don’t--”

“Don’t wait up, I know,” Regina said as she echoed the words Emma had said to her the night before. “Be careful, Emma.”

“Always am.”

[X]

Emma didn’t come back home until after midnight and Regina was still wide awake. And they still didn’t talk about what had been going on earlier with Regina, Emma choosing just to say goodnight before she crawled into bed beside Regina and succumbed to the hard pull of sleep.

Regina didn’t sleep. She couldn’t.

At one, she was watching Emma sleep for a little while, letting her eyes linger over her face, soaking in every inch of it that she could see in the near darkness in the room. It was the first time her head felt light almost, those screaming thoughts of her quieting for a little while. She felt content. It was temporary and fleeting.

By two o’clock, she was restless. Her eyes bore a hole in the ceiling above as she willed sleep to come and take her. Her thoughts weren’t quiet any longer. It’s why she’d stopped watching Emma as she slept--and snored--beside her. That content feeling, while still there, no longer lingered. It didn’t chase the demons away.

The influx of emotions was very nearly at its worst. It was like a car crash she could see unfolding and one she wasn’t in control of. It was her thoughts she couldn’t stop, of her emotions--especially the anger, that continued to flood through her.

The hate in her heart she had for herself cut deep. The pain it left in the wake of those thoughts cut deeper than all of her heartbreak and loss did.

The demons were winning.

And Regina felt powerless. She didn’t even try to stop them this time.

By three o’clock, she was slipping out of bed, careful not to wake Emma up. She was on autopilot as she dressed and then left the house. She was on autopilot, her mind a blur and a blank, as she drove through the quiet, empty streets of town, chasing away the darkness as the radio played sappy love songs that made her feel restless. Angry.

Being on autopilot was dangerous. It made her reckless. Void and numb. She was aware of what was unfolding, but had no control over her body and mind, both feeling like they were separated from her completely. Her thoughts were too loud, screaming, so many all at once she couldn’t hear just one or the other.

If the store was open that late--or early, really, she would’ve bought enough to drink herself to sleep and then some. The only gas station in town only sold beer, and just the thought of it kept her mind off of everything else. For a little while.

Then she was consumed by it all once again, each thought centering around how good that burn of alcohol would be as she swallowed it, how it would chase everything away and leave her demons satisfied.

She’d already fallen once. What was one more?

If she smoked, all of the anxiety bubbling inside of her would be easily chased away, one cigarette at a time, one after the other after the other. But she didn’t, not anymore, and not ever again. It did leave her wondering if she should just pick it back up again, but the thought of it grossed her out, and just as quickly as it had entered her mind, it was gone.

Unlike the rest of the things that were slowly driving her to the brink of insanity.

_“Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy. If you think you’re crazy, you’re not.”_

That quack doctor’s voice rang clear in her head. It left her ears ringing and the urge to drink was increasing rapidly. She stepped on the gas as she drove down a long and winding back road just outside of town. Keeping her focus on the road ahead chased away the thoughts. Momentarily.

By the time the sun rose just after five, Regina had driven out to the house and was sitting in the Escalade staring up at the barn, contemplating just what the hell she was going to do with a giant barn. Her hands gripped the leather steering wheel tightly, her knuckles white and numb. The radio was still on, but the volume was so low she could barely hear the DJ’s as they talked their way through their morning show.

Regina loosened her grip on the steering with, blinking down at her hands as she turned them over, palms up and resting on her thighs. It hurt to clench her fingers into a fist, to relax them as she let go. It wasn’t just her hands that felt that way. Every inch of her being felt tense. Wound up tight. Too tight.

She looked over at her phone sitting in the center console. After a few seconds, her screen lit up and she grabbed it in a panic when she saw she had several missed calls and a dozen texts. Some were from Emma. Some from Henry. As she scrolled through the notifications, she saw her sister had tried to call her no less than ten minutes earlier.

_Please. Leave me alone. I cannot deal with all of you, too._

She put the phone back down, sighing heavily before she reached up to turn the radio off. She sat in silence, the headlights still on and shining upon the barn doors. She didn’t move until the headlights shut off on their own and she reached for the handle and pushed the door open. She left the keys in the ignition and the door open. Still on autopilot, she walked to the barn, to the smaller door off to the left. It was still unlocked, and she cursed under her breath at having forgotten to lock it after she and David had walked through.

David. Her brain was muddled, her memory a little foggy, but she suddenly remembered that he told her he would be over early that morning to help move the junk out of the house and out into the barn.

Early. He wanted to get things done before it got too hot out, she remembered him saying, and she turned with wide eyes at the sound of gravel crunching under tires. David’s truck was coming up the driveway and she started to panic.

She was in no way, shape, or form in any state to deal with anyone. Not even David.

Not even knowing that this was the moment she needed his support as her sponsor.

As the truck got closer, she saw that he wasn’t alone. She recognized the man in the truck with David as someone from the group, but she couldn’t remember his name. Her panic subsided as she planted on a fake smile and waved as David pulled up to park behind her.

“Hey,” David said as he leaned out the window. “I know we’re a bit early.”

“It’s all right. You did say you’d be here early.”

“It’s going to be hot later,” David replied and he motioned at the man beside him in the truck. “I brought some help. You remember, Alex, don’t you? From group?”

“Yes,” Regina said and the men both climbed out of the truck. “Hello. Thank you,” she said as she turned to David. “For bringing along some help. There are a lot of boxes to move out.”

“I brought coffee and donuts,” David said as he leaned into the truck to pick up the tray of coffee’s from the diner and then a box with the donuts inside. “So, where should we get started?”

Regina kept that fake smile on her face and hid behind the façade that everything was perfectly fine and normal and dandy. Regina didn’t bother getting her phone out before she led the way inside, laying out instructions as she went for where she wanted them to put everything out in the barn.

And neither were none the wiser that she was nearing the final battle against her demons.

[X]

They were finished by noon. Regina followed David and Alex back into town, heading left down Main Street after David made a right in front of her. She still hadn’t answered any of her texts. She hadn’t really read any of them except for the last two that Emma had sent.

Emma was worried. Rightfully so. Regina did just slip out into the night in the middle of the night without a word. Without a note.

She parked just out in front of the hardware store and left the engine idling as she picked up her phone. She hastily sent Emma a text, apologizing that she’d left so early that morning. Lying. Telling her everything was okay.

She was trying to _pretend_ that everything was okay. It’d worked for the last few hours. She just needed it to keep working until…what, she wasn’t so sure.

Temporary distractions were what was working for at the moment. She shifted her focus to the reason she was parked in front of the hardware store. Paint.

She walked into the store with her head held high and fake smile plastered on her face and the measurements on a piece of paper in hand. The hardware store was quiet as there were only a few customers browsing the aisles. Regina walked straight to the paint department and rang the bell that sat on top of the counter. She waited. And waited. She impatiently hit the bell again and looked around for someone that worked there to come and help her.

Not even one of the few customers in the store walked past her. She rang the bell once more before she turned in a huff, annoyed not even beginning to describe her current mood. She found herself standing in the next aisle a few minutes later, staring at the wall of paint cans in front of her. Clueless.

Who was she kidding? She knew nothing about paint or how many cans it would take to paint just about every room in the house.

“A little overwhelmed?” Marco asked, his soft voice soothing down the anger she was feeling revving up again. “Have you decided on the colors?”

“No,” she replied. “White, maybe. For now.”

“It will freshen it up, yes?” Marco nodded in agreement. “The whole house?”

“Yes, I have measurements here,” she said and handed him the paper. “I’m not entirely certain how much I’ll need.”

“I always follow the one gallon per room rule. Twelve should do it, just to be on the safe side.” He handed the paper back to her and pointed out the six-gallon bucket. “Two of these will do.”

Marco turned out to be a godsend. He made sure she had everything she needed with plenty of extra brushes and rollers to get the job done and done right. He even convinced one of the teenage boys that were working there to help them load everything up in the back of the Escalade once she’d billed everything to her credit card.

They talked, well Marco mostly talked and mostly talked about the work he had ahead of him at the house, throughout it all. Regina could only smile politely and gratefully at the older man. He’d been her savior at that moment.

But spending time with Marco reminded her of her father.

It hurt. It made the emptiness in her heart echo hollowly, seeping into the growing cracks that were all but consuming her completely.

She was right back on autopilot as soon as Marco left to return to the store to get the things he’d initially gone there for. She drove around the block twice before she parked near the store. She walked in, blinking rapidly to adjust to the poor lighting inside, and headed straight to the back where the liquor was.

It was this or the Rabbit Hole.

She’d fallen once at the bar. Why not switch things up a bit and drink alone elsewhere?

She felt as if she were burning from the inside out as she grabbed a fifth of whisky in a brand her father once favored and four of the first bottles of white wine she laid her eyes on. Her vision tunneled as she walked to the register, placing each bottle down knowing what a very huge mistake she was making.

And she did not care.

All she wanted to feel was numb. For all those thoughts in her head to quiet down. For the demons to be satisfied and just leave her alone. If only just for a short time.

“Are you having a party?”

“Hmm?” Regina looked up at the man behind the register. She swallowed past the lump in her throat as he motioned at the bottles. “Oh, yes. Yes, I am.”

The lies kept coming easily, a little _too_ easily.

And she still did not care.

As soon as she made her purchase, she just couldn’t seem to get back in the car and drive out of there fast enough. The guilt, it was already eating away at her, and before she realized it, she was back at the house and parked about twenty feet in front of the barn and already twisting off the cap on one of the cheap bottles of wine she’d bought.

Regina felt like something had finally just _snapped_ inside of her. That last piece of whatever it was that was holding on to what was left of her sanity, it was just gone in an instant.

That first sip burned deliciously.

The second sip made her eyes burn with tears, ones she mistakenly thought were relief until that third sip that burned in a not-so-delicious way in her throat, and she pushed open the door and threw the open bottle out of the car with a feral scream.

She was laughing by the time it landed on the gravel and shattered. She reached for the bottle of whisky, a cheap generic brand she had no idea why her father had loved so much or why she’d picked it up in the first place. Maybe because it reminded her of him. Or maybe it was because she knew it’d get the job done far faster than the wine would.

The first sip of the whisky was the hardest and burned the harshest. After that first one, the anger returned. Tenfold. It burned in her veins like lava. She took another sip, more of a swig, one that chased that anger away. Another temporary distraction.

Her eyes landed on the barn as she slipped out of the Escalade with the bottle clutched tight in one hand. The door was still unlocked to the barn and she stepped inside. Light streamed in through the windows high on the walls of each stall on the west-facing side. She lifted the bottle to her lips as she walked past the first stall and groaned at the burn that followed the hard, tight swallow of the warm whisky.

Everything they’d spent the morning hauling out of the house ended up in the barn. Troy Levingston had asked her to hold onto some things for another week or two. He’d try to come and figure out what to do with his parents’ belongings. The furniture could stay if she wanted it. He had been persistent on the phone that he’d be able to move all but the furniture that had been left behind.

She kept some. The mattresses in each bedroom were thrown out, the frames kept as they were solid pieces of furniture. It was what her father would’ve said. He would’ve insisted she keep it too. It was practical.

She started to feel the buzz she’d been craving begin to course through her veins, greeting her like an old friend and not the monster it was disguised as. The bottle felt lighter as she lifted it to her lips once more, her eyes scanning over everything piled up in front of her. It just made her take another sip. One and then another, the burn soothing that ache in her soul.

Her head was starting to spin. The barn was beginning to feel stifling hot. Suffocating. She had to get out. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

The bottle nearly slipped from her fingers as she walked outside. The sun suddenly seemed far too bright and she turned away and took another drink. The house wasn’t too far, about a hundred feet away from the barn, but every step she took along the gravel driveway made it feel like a hundred miles more away and she stumbled, careful not to let the bottle slip from her fingers.

“Don’t you go anywhere. I need more of you,” she said before she lifted the bottle to her lips and took another drink.

She tripped as she pushed open the gate to enter the yard at the back of the house and she headed for the shade of the trees. Each step felt like a feat within itself, the alcohol working its way through her body too quickly.

She needed to slow down.

She needed to _stop_.

She _couldn’t_ stop.

A sob escaped as she held the bottle to her lips and tried to fight the urge to stop. She cursed, over and over and over again, an incoherent mess.

Regina stopped in the middle of the yard suddenly and looked down at the grass that was a little higher than her ankles. Without a second thought, she toed off her shoes, and clumsily pulled off her socks. A giggle escaped past her lips as she wriggled her toes in the grass. She found the grass surprisingly cool under the hot summer sun.

The world all around her was beginning to spin again, and she pushed at the hair that stuck to her sweaty forehead and continued on her trek towards the shade under the trees at the far end of the yard. Her stomach twisted in knots as the whisky blurred the thoughts in her mind almost completely. It was the much-welcomed release she’d been chasing for far longer than she’d had the bottle in her hand.

The grass was shorter under the trees and the shade a welcome relief, too. Regina sighed as she carefully moved to sit down on the grass and leaned back against the trunk of the smaller tree. She tried to focus on the way the grass felt as between her toes before she spread her legs out in front of her.

Every sip she took burned less and less. She repeatedly lifted the bottle to her lips, and after a few more, she looked down at the bottle in surprise. It was now less than half full. She groaned and placed a hand over her stomach while the other clutched tight at the neck of the bottle, the glass warm beneath her fingertips. Her stomach continued to twist in knots as she blinked rapidly past the tears filling in her eyes and looked over at the other tree.

A hammock. Emma wanted to set up a hammock out there between those very trees for her. A hammock that would’ve been far more useful than the ground and a much more logical place to take a little nap.

Emma, _oh_ Emma. The thought of her had Regina’s body revving, her cunt throbbing. _Aching_. It passed as quickly as it came, her mind shifting once more, her focus on the fritz, drowned by the whisky and all the drops that fell past her lips with ease.

The house, it looked so far away, but even if she made it there, she knew there was nowhere for her to lay down, nowhere comfortable and clean, at least.

Her eyes were still heavy with tears, tears that had pooled until they spooled over, the next sip a salty mix of tears with the whisky. She heaved as the bottle slipped between her fingers and fell to the grass beside her right thigh. She lurched to grab it, laughing as she saved it before a single drop spilled, the cap missing. Just gone.

A hammock was not a good idea, she surmised. Her coordination was slipping and boy, did she need to sit down. Suddenly, she laughed in realization that she was indeed sitting, already having forgotten the trek and the effort it’d taken her mere minutes ago to get to that very spot. Gods, she was exhausted, and she clutched at the now nearly empty bottle with both hands, fighting off sleep. Welcoming it. Fighting it. Relentlessly.

She succumbed because giving in was easier. It would always be easier.

She gave up because it is what she did best when she couldn’t find the strength to _fight_.

Time wasn’t a concept her brain was focusing on. She had no idea just how much time had passed, the light different each time she fought to open her eyes. She barely had time to turn her head, the bile rising fast in her throat and waking her from her whisky-induced slumber. She only just managed to fall over to the grass, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the grass below.

She felt weak, physically and emotionally, and she groaned as she tried to lift a hand to wipe at her mouth, her movements staggered and stiff. She closed her eyes and was greeted by a rush of stars as another wave of nausea tore through her, far more violently than the last.

And all she could do was whimper and heave. And wish. Wish for nothing else than a dreamless, painless sleep to chase her demons away.

“Regina?”

The sound of Henry’s voice saying her name sounded clear yet far away that it left her wondering just for a moment that perhaps she had imagined it. So much for chasing sleep to chase her demons away.

But.

Perhaps.

Perhaps it was all just a dream. A nightmare.

“Regina!”

_Henry._ It was him, his voice. He was there, he was close, but when she couldn’t quite seem to be able to open her eyes, the numbing buzz intensifying with every rapid beat of her heart. Her stomach felt tight and she could taste the bile lingering on her tongue. She breathed out shakily, trying to force whatever was left in her stomach back down to no avail. It was useless. The whisky was relentless as it tried to force its way up and out.

_Henry_. What was he doing there? She wanted to ask him, but the words wouldn’t form, her voice lost. Gone. Disappeared into nothingness.

“Regina?” Henry shook her gently at first and still, still she couldn’t quite seem to open her eyes. She was _trying_. They felt far too heavy. Weighed down. “God, Regina, wake up! You’re scaring me!”

_I’m awake_.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Henry was shaking her harder now. She could feel his hands on her arms, grasping tight just below her shoulders. Another shake as he frantically tried to get her to open her eyes. To respond. All she could manage to do was to take a shaky but deep breath. “What did you do? What happened? Why did you--fuck!” His grip tightened, his anger fighting with his fear. “Regina! Gina, come on. Please. _Please_. Wake up. Please, would you just wake up?”

It was faint, but she could feel him pull her into his arms, and then she could feel his hot tears fall upon the skin of her neck. He was sobbing, she could tell from the way his body shook, and then he was shaking her again, a little gentle but firm enough to make her eyes flutter just a little. She only got but a glimpse of him kneeling on the grass in front of her, desperation in his eyes and in his voice. She could hear it.

She just couldn’t make out what he was saying. It was muddled and faint, the ringing in her ears becoming louder. Deafening. She tried to speak again, the words becoming choked up in her throat, bile burning as it spilled up and out.

“Fuck, what do I do, Gina? What do I do? Fuck, I have to call someone. I _have_ to. You’re not--you’re not waking up! Shit.”

Henry’s voice was laced with anxiousness along with desperation and she could barely feel him as he clutched at her arms helplessly. Everything but the faint sound of the ringing in her ears faded and faded. The ground, hard beneath her body, it felt as if it was beginning to slip away, dissipate. Open her up and swallow her whole.

“Yeah, hi, I need some help at the old Levingston farm, the place out on Concession Six, yeah.” Henry’s voice became clear once more and Regina trembled, the numbness that had taken over her body giving way just for a moment and her skin felt cold. Freezing. “I--I just came home and my--my mom, she’s unconscious. I just found here laying on the ground outside and she won’t wake up.”

_I’m okay. I just need a moment_.

“I don’t know, I told you, I just got here and found her like this! I don’t know what she’s taken or--no, there’s a bottle. The--there’s a bottle beside her. It’s empty. Shit. Shit!”

_It’s okay, my little prince, I just need a few minutes. I promise I am okay_.

“Okay,” Henry continued and she groaned as she felt him move her onto her side. Her stomach lurched and the tears burned white hot in her eyes. “I have her on her side. How fast can you get here? Please. Hurry. She--my mom, she doesn’t look very good right now. She’s pale.” A pause as she felt Henry place a hand against her cheek. “Cool and clammy. Please tell me that someone is almost here.”

_I’m sorry_.

“Yes, there’s someone else I can call. My mom--my other mom. She’s the sheriff. Okay. Okay, I’ll wait right here. We’re in the yard out back.”

Regina was fighting now, harder than she’d ever fought before and all just to open her goddamn eyes. To move. To speak. She was out of control and her body unresponsive and uncooperating. She could hear sirens, only just, still faint. Still far away and gradually growing closer.

“Come on, Gina,” Henry pleaded, his voice small. Quiet. Terrified. “Please, just open your eyes for me so that I know you’re okay.”

“Henry.”

It was faint, but she managed to utter his name. She felt him excitedly grab as her hands, but she lost the endless fight against herself once more.

“Gina!” Henry cupped her face, both of his hands trembling. “Gina, I called an ambulance. I--I didn’t know what else to do. I--I had to text Mom cos the operator said that I have to stay on the line until they get here. She’s on her way, too. The operator told me I should try to keep you awake. Gina? Can you hear me?”

_Yes._

_I’m sorry, Henry_.

She felt like she was floating, up and away, the world caving in all around her, darkness surrounding her. Consuming her whole.

Fading, fading away into nothingness.

And the demons danced at the way that she continued to fall.

And they laughed. And laughed until she could not hear, see, or feel anything else at all.


	47. Chapter 47

The beeping was constant. Annoying but constant. A tether to the world outside of the perpetual darkness that had her trapped.

It was the first thing she heard, the only thing she heard in what felt like hours of nothing but silence. Of nothingness.

Her senses were coming back, one by one, piece by piece. She could feel icy hot pinpricks in her hands, her arms, slicing in her veins. Bit by bit, she started regaining feeling in her heavy limbs, little tremors. Tingles. A twitch.

“We got to pump! The boy said he found her with a bottle, a fifth of whisky. It was empty. Let’s go! Move!”

A shout, the voice of a man she didn’t recognize. Her ears started to ring again, high pitched tinny ringing that increased with every beep that rang loudly near her head. She could feel her body being moved, but it felt so very heavy.

“Get that IV started now!”

Another shout, a different voice. A woman this time. Red-hot and blinding pain seared through her entire body and the sounds, the voices, the ringing, it all faded.

The pain, though, it remained.

Though there was that empty nothingness she was drowning in, she was fading, in and out. Voices started growing a little loud, sometimes no more than a whisper, but every word was muddled as if she was listening to whoever was around her through a thick yet crumbling wall.

“Regina. I’m here.”

_Emma._

She was scared and wishing and pleading to hear Emma’s voice again, but it was too quickly replaced with silence. Silence aside from the steady beep that was in sync with the beat of her heart. It was maddening.

It was beyond terrifying. Every time she tried to move, to speak, to even open her eyes, she just couldn’t. Her body was unresponsive, her voice lost in the darkness.

Was she dying? Panic flooded through her then as she felt some rather odd sensations in her body, ones she couldn’t quite figure out what it was exactly. Gods, she hoped she wasn’t dying, though she imagined it would be far less painful that this whole ordeal.

Time, as before, was not a concept her mind could grasp. What felt like minutes at one point then felt like hours. Eternity. And like time being muddled, her brain felt as if it were short-circuiting. Thoughts came and went, and she grasped at them, trying to make each one take its hold, but they were fleeting. It left her feeling vulnerable and alone. Anxious. Frightened.

Was she dying? Was she dead? Is this what it was? A void of nothingness? She expected a light at the proverbial tunnel or hellfire, one or the other, not nothing.

She started to hear the steady beeping again, far clearer than before. She could feel her body beginning to relax, the pain subsiding, the numbness taking over, bit by bit. Her stomach was turning in knots, and she could just faintly taste the bile rising in her throat, but it didn’t come up and out completely. She was tired. She was just so _tired_.

She was growing angry and antsy. Her skin felt hot and tight. Every time she felt her heart start to race, the beeping increased, and she felt pressure on her chest, something weighing her down until the beeping slowed in time with her heart and the weight was lifted momentarily. She was struggling to hold on to what little strength she had inside of her, pulling and grasping at the ends of it as she desperately tried to wake up.

Why couldn’t she just open her eyes? Why couldn’t she _move_?

“Dr. Whale, she’s stable,” a woman said and she sounded close. Regina could feel a hand on her shoulder. It was warm against the coolness of her skin. “We can move her to a private room now. Johnson, would you please go out and inform her family that she is stable now, please?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Her family was here? Regina tried to move again to no avail and gave up when nothing happened. Her body felt as if it weren’t even a part of her anymore, that her body and soul and mind had all separated and were waiting to be pieced back together. Waiting for what, Regina just didn’t know, and that made her livid.

Regina felt a something pierce her skin, her vein in her left arm. She could feel the cool liquid rushing in a moment later, flooding into her vein and coursing its way through her body. She could feel her body relaxing, the pain dissipating a little bit at a time. It made her tongue feel heavy in her mouth, too, and every time she tried to swallow, it felt thicker. Paired with the lump in her throat, she started to feel as if she was suffocating.

Death would’ve been easier.

Had she drank that much? She couldn’t quite remember. Certainly, a fifth of whisky wasn’t enough to _kill_ her, was it?

“How is she today?” Dr. Whale. Regina would recognize that voice anywhere. “Any signs of improvement, Nurse Ratchet?”

“No, Doctor. Her vitals have been steady. Strong. No signs of improvement, however.”

“I will go and speak with the family. They’re eager to see her now that she’s been stable for a little while. We’ll try the other medication after her family has a chance to visit.”

“The clinical trial medication? Are you sure, Dr. Whale?”

“Yes. We have to try something. Her family is desperate for her to wake up.”

Wave after wave of panic flooded through Regina. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she wake up? How long had it been, how long had it _really_ been?

She felt another rush of cool liquid pumping in her veins, but it was different than the last. It heated up quickly and it left her feeling not only relaxed but high. What kind of imbecile would give an alcoholic, an addict, medication that made them higher than a kite? Idiotic.

It didn’t stop her from wishing for that rush to come back as soon as it had dissipated.

“Is she going to be all right?” Emma’s voice sounded like warm sunshine after a rainstorm, warming her up from the inside out. “Why hasn’t she woken up yet, Dr. Whale?”

“She is in a coma, Sheriff Swan. There is no telling how long it will take for her to wake up. Her brain received some trauma. Copious amounts of alcohol in a short span of time will do that to a person, healthy or otherwise. All we can do right now is have a little patience, a little hope.”

“Fuck hope, fuck patience,” Emma said. “Do your doctor thing or whatever it is you actually _do_ and wake her up.”

“It’s only been a couple of days, Sheriff Swan. We have to give her as much time as her body needs to heal before she wakes up. Please, have a little patience and a lot of hope that she will pull through. She might be able to hear you, so the best we can do at the moment is encourage you to speak to her, reach out to her. Let her know she’s not here alone.”

“And if she can’t hear me?”

“We just simply have to believe that she can.”

_I hear you! Help me. Please._

Coma. Days.

It’d been a _couple of days_. Gods, had it really been that much time that had passed? It felt only like a handful of hours, a few very long hours, not days. Was Regina losing her mind, or was this exactly what it was like to be stuck in a coma? Stuck treading in the empty void of nothingness as she clung onto her life with all that she had.

She didn’t want to die. She had a life to live, a new chapter of it that had already started. She wasn’t ready. Far from it. She wanted to wake up, for Emma to be the first person she saw when she was finally able to open her eyes. She wanted to see Emma smiling down at her, hear Emma tell her that everything was going to be okay again. She wanted to feel Emma’s lips against her own as she kissed her in pure joy that she was awake. She wanted Emma to call her an idiot for doing this to herself because she deserved nothing else but to be called on her idiotic decision to drink herself nearly to death.

“Why did she do this? Why isn’t she awake yet?

Her mother’s voice pulled her from the lull she was in, and she felt her eyelids flutter, saw just a speck of light, but they didn’t open. She could hear other voices, but they were muffled, diminishing. She could feel someone reach for her hand and then the weight of it, but she couldn’t feel the warmth she had expected. The hand that held hers was cold.

“Why would she do something like this to herself?” Cora sounded beside herself, wrought with worry, something Regina very rarely heard coming from her. “If she was struggling, why didn’t she ask anyone for help?”

“She was trying. I suppose she wasn’t quite strong enough to do this alone.”

Zelena. Zelena was there, too.

“I thought she stopped. Didn’t she stop?” Cora asked. “Regina,” she whispered. Regina could only just faintly feel her mother’s breath upon her cheek and then the soft press of her lips that made her cringe. “I wish you would’ve asked for help. We would’ve helped you in any way that we could, dear. I wish you had the courage to ask for help.”

_Me too_.

“I thought she stopped drinking entirely?”

“She did.”

“Then why on earth would she do this to herself?”

“I don’t know, Mother, but I think right now that is the last thing we need to be worrying about. She’s not out of the woods yet.”

“How much longer until she wakes up? Did that idiot doctor tell you that much at least?”

“He said she’d wake up when she was ready.”

“It’s been a week, Zelena!” Her mother sounded frantic and scared, two things she’d only heard in her mother’s voice no more than two times in her life. “She almost died!”

“But she didn’t die, Mother. She’s been lucky--”

“Lucky? You call this lucky?”

Regina couldn’t help but agree with her mother. It wasn’t luck, not really.

“Dr. Whale said the seizures have subsided,” Zelena said. Regina felt a weight in her other hand and it wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t exactly warm either. “He told us earlier that after they ran some tests they didn’t find any lasting, permanent damage in her brain. At least, as he said, from what they can tell so far. They’ll know more when she wakes up.”

“If she wakes up.”

“She will. We have to have hope that she’s strong enough to get through this.”

“Come on, my darling daughter,” Cora pleaded. “Please wake up. Open up your beautiful eyes and let me see that you are still here.”

_I’m trying. Gods, I am trying. I can’t._

The sounds faded out and she lost what little feeling she’d felt in her hands. The beeping was still constant. She clung to that sound, hoping it’d help her from slipping back into the void once more. She struggled to get her body to respond, to cooperate. She tried to move her heavy limbs, to open her eyes that felt as if they had been glued shut, but she was just so tired. She was just so _tired_ still.

The beeping faded in and out, but it remained. She was certain it hadn’t really disappeared or stopped at all, but that every time she couldn’t hear it any longer, it was because she’d slipped further into the darkness that was swallowing her whole. It all felt like a bad dream, one she actually couldn’t wake up from.

Maybe that’s all it was. A bad dream. A nightmare.

It was that thought alone when she tried to convince herself that this was all it was. Nothing more than a nightmare. One she would wake up from soon and find that everything was fine and that everything would be okay.

That this was all just a delusion. In her head. A figment of her imagination.

The weight in her limbs started to lift and she felt a different kind of weight in her left hand again. This time she could feel warmth of the hand that was in hers. She could feel the smoothness of skin as a finger stroked over the back of her thumb. It was familiar too. It was a touch she’d been craving for a very long time, a touch she’d only had so very little of since her return to Storybrooke.

Emma. It was Emma.

She tried to say her name and could feel her lips moving, only just. Her tongue felt swollen and heavy still and she could feel out dry her lips were, how scratchy and raw her throat felt. The sounds around her started becoming clearer, less muddled, just as the feel of Emma’s hand in hers felt heavier and sure.

“Emma.”

Regina’s voice was raspy and rough. She could feel the oxygen mask on her face constricting her, making it hard for her to speak again.

“Regina?” Emma sounded surprised. Anxious. Relieved. “Regina? Are you awake?”

She tried to move her lips, her voice caught in her scratchy throat. Slowly she slipped her tongue over her lips, groaning quietly as her eyelids fluttered open. Once. Twice. The room was too bright and she winced at the pain that shot straight through her skull. She tried again, relief flooding through her as her eyes opened on the first try.

“Hey,” Emma whispered, smiling as she looked down at her. “Hey, baby, how are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare.” Emma lifted her other hand to trace her fingers along Regina’s forehead gently. “Regina?” she whispered her name. “Babe?”

“Emma.”

“I’m going to go get a nurse and--”

“No,” she managed to say as she gripped as tight as she could onto Emma’s hand. “No--not yet.”

“Careful,” Emma said when Regina tried to lift her other hand to pull at the oxygen mask on her face so that she could speak easier. “Regina, you’ve got like a million wires hooked up to you right now. Don’t move. I’m just going to go and get a nurse and--”

“No.”

_Please, not yet. Give me but just a moment to look into your beautiful eyes, my love_.

Her whole body tensed and tightened. Any attempt to try to relax resulted in her stomach churning and turning, spinning and twisting into knots. She could faintly taste the bile rising in her raw throat, tears prickling in her eyes as she looked at Emma, desperately pleading for her to stay.

“I’ll be right back, okay? Just stay here. I--I mean just stay _awake_ , okay? Two seconds.”

Emma was out the door before she even finished speaking. Regina gripped at the stiff sheets on the bed and balled them into fists as she willed every inch of her body to respond, to just _move_ even if but an inch.

She tried. She was so very tired. She tried and she failed.

She was helpless as the nothingness consumed her whole once more.

[X]

Eight days, twelve hours, and roughly three minutes she had been in a coma. Most of that spent in the hospital. Dr. Whale credited the EMTs for moving quickly for the fact that she got lucky this time.

There was no lasting damage. Not to her body nor her brain.

Regina had barely been awake for three hours before her mother was barging into the private room she was in and demanding that she go to rehab. If Emma hadn’t been there to tell Cora to back off for a moment, Regina was certain she would have completely lost every inch of her sanity.

Cora wanted her to go to a “nice” rehab facility. In North Carolina. Regina flat out refused. There was no way in hell she was going to rehab for three months. Dr. Whale had only just finished telling her about an outpatient program they had within the hospital she could do. Three days and then she could go home. The outpatient program would offer her ongoing support, more support than AA and a sponsor could give her, and Dr. Whale had suggested she start going back to therapy.

Emma returned to work upon Regina insisting she didn’t need to stay any longer. The town needed its sheriff on duty where she belonged after all. On her way out, she managed to convince Cora to leave as well.

With the idiotic promise that Cora could press the button for the siren once.

She dozed in and out for most of the afternoon with three different nurses coming in to wake her every hour on the hour. A precaution. A very annoying one at that. She was so tired and all she wanted to do was sleep for more than forty minutes at a time.

When visiting hours resumed at six o’clock that evening, Regina was pleasantly surprised to see Henry. Guilt hit her almost immediately, though. He had been the one that found her. The last thing she’d ever wanted was for Henry to have seen her like that. The apology came quickly, one Henry waved off as he shut the door and pulled up the chair beside the bed.

“Henry,” Regina said, her voice low and scratchy. She cleared her throat as he shifted in the chair and pulled out a can of Coke from his backpack and a root beer. “Oh, Henry, I am so sorry. Here I am feeling extremely guilty for putting you through all of this and you brought me my favorite soda?”

“Well yeah,” he chuckled. “Thought it’d help, you know? Comfort foods and such. I don’t know,” he said and he shrugged. “It worked when Mom was here before. I just thought it’d help cheer you up or whatever.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want it now or--?”

“I’ll save it for later. Thank you, my little prince,” she whispered and she reached out for his hand which he promptly extended. “Henry, I really am sorry for all of this.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Regina frowned. “I owe you a thousand more apologies and a million thank you’s. I fear I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for you.” Regina paused and looked down at Henry’s hand in hers, her eyebrow rising in surprise as she saw paint flecks on the back of his hand. “What have you been up to, Henry? Did you find some work?”

“I did. I’ve been pretty busy between being here with Mom waiting for you to wake up and the uh, the job.”

“What have you been doing?”

“Painting.”

“You’re a terrible liar, dear.”

“I know!” Henry groaned. “I asked everyone to let me be the one to tell you about the surprise. I’m actually not supposed to tell you yet.”

“A surprise?”

“Yep.”

“That you’re not supposed to tell me?”

“Yet. I’m going to anyway because you’re right, I am a terrible liar,” Henry said pointedly and groaned again before he gave Regina’s hand a gentle squeeze. “We got everyone together and recruited some people from the group, and…well, we cleaned the house and painted, just like you wanted.”

“What?” Regina’s voice was small. That was not the kind of surprise she would’ve even guessed. “You cleaned and painted the house?” she asked. Henry nodded. “The _whole_ house?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Marco and a few of David’s friends finished all the repairs too. Everything is done. All you have to do now is get better so you can go home.”

“You--what?” Regina was in disbelief. “You really did all of that?”

“I had a lot of help, but yeah, I really did all of that,” Henry said, smiling before he let go of Regina’s hand and opened his can of Coke. “It was my idea. Mom thought it was a good idea and she kind of got the ball moving on everything. It’s a good thing you just had white paint, or we would’ve been very confused about what colors to paint each room.”

“You got everything done?”

“We just finished last night. We had a lot of help. Like _a lot_.” Henry paused to take a sip of his Coke and then he was smiling again. “It looks so good. I can’t wait until you can see it. I think you’ll be happy with what we did.”

“I have not seen the house yet, but I am very happy with the work you and everyone have done. Oh Henry, thank you,” she said and he got up to give her a hug. “What do you say we get out of here?”

“You can’t?” Henry looked confused. “Mom said the doctor--you can’t leave. You’re not allowed. Besides,” he said and motioned to the window to her left. “It’s hot out there.”

“There is shade and we’re not leaving the hospital grounds. I am not confined to my room or barred from leaving this room, just the hospital itself until I’ve been formally released.”

“You still can’t leave.”

“I am not an invalid,” she groaned quietly. “I am not physically injured. I--”

“Maybe we can walk down the hall to the common room? Nobody is ever in there, and if you get a straw, you can poke it through the hole in the glass to change the channel on the TV. One of the nurses showed me that trick since they don’t know where the remote actually is right now.”

All she wanted was to go outside and get some fresh air. Eight and a half days cooped up inside a hospital room, though she was in a coma for most of it, and it was making the cabin fever kick in at full tilt. She needed to feel the sun on her skin and the fresh air in her lungs. It took some convincing to have Henry go find one of the nurses assigned to her room and then it took a lot of convincing to have the nurse give them a pass and a fob key that would let them go to the atrium and return with no problems.

It wasn’t outside, but it had the early evening sunlight shining in through the glass roof, and it was a little warm, sticky, and almost felt like the inside of a greenhouse or a butterfly conservatory. Regina took it easy--and to think the nurse wanted her to use a wheelchair. Her legs were fine. It wasn’t as if she’d been in a coma for months. It was only a week.

Regina gripped the pole of her IV and wheeled it down the path in the atrium as she followed Henry to a nice bench in the middle. They sat down and she turned her head up in surprise when she heard birds chirping somewhere in the few trees that towered, reaching for the sky and blocked by the thick glass from reaching up to the sky.

“Henry, there is something I want to talk to you about,” Regina said and Henry shifted on the bench and pulled his phone out of his pocket with a frustrated grunt. “It’s about when you found me.”

“Okay.”

“You called me Mom,” she said. Henry lowered his eyes to his phone, though the screen was black until he swiped his fingers along it. He hit the lock button on the side and sighed heavily. “I was still conscious. A little. Did I hear that right or--?”

“Well, you _are_ my Mom,” he said as he moved to turn on the bench and draped an arm along the back. “You’re not just…Regina to me, you know?” Henry said and she could hear the emotion wavering in his voice. Tears stung at her eyes that she quickly tried to hide behind a tight smile. “You’re still my mom. You’ve always been my other mom. I don’t care that you’ve been gone for ten years, you’re still my mom, and I still love you.”

“Oh Henry,” Regina whispered tearfully. He shook his head and laughed a little. “I love you too, my little prince.” She reached out and gently placed her hand on the back of his head and pulled him in to drop a soft kiss to his forehead. “Thank you. For finding me, for calling for help, for…loving me still. I want to apologize.”

“You don’t need to apologize. Like I already told you, it’s fine and I forgive you already. I’m just happy that you’re okay now.”

Regina dropped her hand into her lap and traced the pattern on the hospital gown lightly. Even the pants she’d been given by the nurse, they were made out of the same still and scratchy material and all she could think about was how badly she couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital clothes and the hospital itself.

“Mom explained some things to me,” Henry continued after a few minutes of heavy silence passed between them. “About you. About your uh, addiction. I understand now that you didn’t have any control over what you did that day.”

“It’s much more than that, Henry.”

“I know. I did some reading. David gave me a book. I wanted to understand better,” he said and he shrugged. “I wanted to know more so that I can help you. I know I can’t do that if I don’t understand any of this. Mom’s been reading up on stuff too. We’re both learning and we’re both understanding all of this better now. I know you don’t want to go to rehab and I don’t think you need to go, but what are you gonna do?”

“I’m doing the outpatient program--”

“No, after that. What are you going to do?” Henry asked. “I know it just doesn’t go away because you want it to or because you ignore it.”

“I’m not sure yet, Henry. All I know is that I have to take things one day at a time.”

“Alone?”

“No.” Regina cocked her head to the side and smiled at him. “I’ve got you and your mother, don’t I? I won’t be doing this alone. I’m going to start going to therapy. Dr. Whale suggested it and he believes it’ll be beneficial.”

“Dr. Hopper is good. Really good. He’ll help you, Mom. I know he will.”

The tears she’d been fighting started to fall at Henry calling her Mom. She couldn’t stop them this time. Hearing him call her that flooded her with a warmth deep in her heart she had never felt before. More tears fell when Henry reached out and wrapped his arms around her tightly. It was how Emma found them a few minutes later as she strolled up the path to the bench.

“The nurse said I’d find you guys here,” Emma said tentatively. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” Regina said and wiped at her tears. “We were just talking.”

“Mind if I join you guys for a little bit?” she asked.

“Not at all,” Regina smiled up at Emma, and she scooted down towards the middle of the bench more as Emma took a seat on the other side of her. “I thought you went back to work, Emma?”

“I did. Dinner break.”

“So you chose to spend it here?”

“Mom’s been here every chance she got the last week,” Henry said pointedly. “Pretty sure the nurses are sick of having to kick her out when visiting hours are over. She never wants to leave, but they won’t let her stay because, well, she’s not family or whatever. Bullshit if you ask me. Family doesn’t always mean blood or you know a spouse.”

“Every chance you got? Really?” Regina asked her curiously and Emma shrugged nonchalantly before she casually draped an arm around the back of the bench behind Regina’s shoulders. “Have you been causing problems with the nurses, Emma?”

“Nothing I can’t sweet-talk my way out of,” she replied with a big grin. “How are you feeling, Regina?”

“Better now.”

_Now that you both are here with me_.

“I told her what we did,” Henry said quietly. “I know I wasn’t supposed to tell her yet, but I thought she could use some good news, you know?”

“Yeah,” Emma smiled and she reached out to ruffle his hair and then Regina found herself in the middle, trapped between two sets of arms that suddenly wrapped around her tightly.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like the meat in a Swan sandwich, you’ve succeeded.”

“It’s the Swan-Mills sandwich,” Henry laughed. “It has quite the ring to it, doesn’t it?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, kid,” Emma said and she was smiling as the three-way embrace came to an end. That smile was probably the most beautiful smile that Regina had ever seen before. “Not a bad sandwich though, huh?”

“Not at all,” Regina replied softly.

“Speaking of sandwiches,” Emma said. “Are you guys hungry?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Henry stated. “When am I not hungry?”

“Well, there is a bag up in the room from Granny’s waiting for us. It’s getting cold. We should probably--”

“Did you get the fries?” Henry asked. Emma nodded. “Burgers?”

“I got your usual, yeah,” she said as she looked at Regina. They locked eyes for a moment and Regina had to blink past the tears as she tried to ignore the influx of emotions that were hitting her wave after wave. “I got you something light. Soup. Chicken noodle. It was the soup of the day and Granny insisted.”

“Thank you.”

It was an almost perfect moment, just the three of them. It made Regina forget, just for a few blissful minutes, all that had happened and where they were now. All she wanted to focus on was the full feeling in her heart that came from the outpouring of love from both Emma and Henry. Unconditional love. Love she wasn’t worthy of receiving and love that was given so easily, just as it always used to be.

It was the first time since she’d woken up that she felt like everything would be okay. She wasn’t in this alone, even though she’d felt that way before. She had Emma and Henry. She also had her mother, her sister, and her niece. She had far more than just her family, too, and that made her feel like the world biggest idiot because she’d nearly lost off of it by nearly drinking herself to death.

Maybe it hadn’t been enough before, but she was hoping it would be enough now.

[X]

Regina’s patience was growing thin by the next morning and she was still stuck in the same room as she’d been in for over a week. The IV’s were taken out that morning under the close supervision of Dr. Whale. There was a bed waiting for her on the third floor where the outpatient program for addictions was located, but she was waiting on an evaluation that was to be conducted by Dr. Hopper and Dr. Whale.

It was frustrating with all the waiting she’d been doing for most of the morning. All she wanted was to be released and to get through the next few days of the outpatient program so that she could finally go home. Home to her new house that was freshly painted and cleaned and waiting for her to finally and officially move in.

The problem was that things were being delayed and the reason for that was her mother.

It was almost hilarious how Dr. Whale was very clearly terrified of Cora Mills. Regina saw it firsthand when her mother arrived just after eight that morning to check in on her and to be there for when she was released into the outpatient program. Regina couldn’t sign the forms herself, it was a policy. Only a parent or guardian or a member of her family could sign that release. The problem with her mother being there was that Cora was dead set on sending Regina to a rehab facility in North Carolina, convinced it was the only way she’d get through all of this without any more downfalls or distractions.

For a whole hour, Cora fought with Dr. Whale in the private room where Regina watched helplessly, her voice unheard. She felt invisible as she listened to the two of them bickering back and forth. Stubbornness ran in the family. Regina saw it all first-hand as her mother was absolutely not budging on the idea of rehab. In her mother’s eyes, there was no alternative to rehab. She didn’t believe the outpatient program was going to stick and she was far too determined to get her way.

It didn’t matter that Regina was a full-grown adult and fully capable of choosing her own treatment plan. It didn’t matter that, in the end, it would be Regina’s decision even if she needed her mother to sign the release for her. Dr. Whale was very adamant about how important it was for Regina to decide what was best for her and her mother was having none of it.

The bickering turned into a full-blown argument when Emma showed up. It was emotionally draining and it exhausted Regina to no end. Emma was the one who escorted Cora out of the room to give Regina a moment to breathe and a moment to talk to Dr. Whale alone. He was very clearly terrified of her mother, but he had also tried to stand his ground against sending Regina off to a rehab facility hundreds of miles away.

The doctor took the opportunity to leave without Cora trying to force him to stay and agree with her. He told Regina to have a nurse page him when the release form was finally signed, wishing her good luck on his way out of the room. She’d need a lot more than just luck to deal with her mother, that was for sure.

Regina used the time she had alone to go through the bag of clothes her mother had brought for her upon request that morning. She used the sink in the bathroom to quickly try to freshen up and avoided looking at the state of her hair in the mirror. She got dressed and happily dumped the hospital gown in the bin just outside of the bathroom, happy to never have to wear one ever again in her life.

She hadn’t spent a lot of time really thinking because she was never really alone. After Emma and Henry had left the night before, Henry staying until visiting hours were over and Emma came shortly before to visit before she took him home and went back to work. The nurses were in and out regularly, sticking to a strict schedule, but thankfully, they had allowed her to sleep most of the night without the constant checks.

Her mind still felt foggy. Tired. She was afraid to start down that path because once she was on it, it’d be very hard to get back off. It’s what had led to all of this and Regina wasn’t sure she could go through it all again.

If that wasn’t enough to keep her from falling again, she wasn’t sure what would do it.

All she knew was she needed to work through all of it, one thing at a time. She had tried to go at it alone, and while she had been able to do it for a short time, in the end, she needed that support. Stubbornness ran in the family, and it was that very trait that had led her down the path in life she’d been stuck on, the one she knew now had been both the right and wrong direction. It had been right because she had gone back to school and finished. She’d made a life and a career for herself, the very same life she’d just tossed away in favor of coming back to Storybrooke.

The wrong direction had been the _way_ she’d lived that life. Forgetting how hurt she was, how broken her heart had been when she left Emma, it had proved to be a dangerous path for her to be on, over and over again. Was now the time it finally ended? Had she finally reached the end of that dead-end road and reached a point where she was ready to go in an entirely different direction?

She truly hoped so. She was ready to let go of the past--all of it--and move on. She knew she wouldn’t be able to move forward if she tried to live in the same mindset as before and moving forward was the only thing she wanted to do now.

It was what she needed. It was something she’d needed for a very long time.

The sound of an argument just outside the door drew Regina there, and she listened for a moment as she heard her mother and Emma practically screaming back and forth at each other. Cora was still stubbornly demanding rehab outside of Storybrooke and Emma was on Regina’s side with her decision to stay and seek treatment there instead.

“It’s her decision, Cora,” Emma stated for the sixth time in a row but this time Cora went silent. It was the moment Regina chose to open the door. “This program here checks out. If she doesn’t want to go to rehab somewhere else, she shouldn’t have to go unless that is what she wants.”

Cora was blocking the door, preventing Emma from coming into the room. “This is a world-renowned facility, Emma. They can help her far better than any crackpot doctor or therapist in this town can,” she said, a snip to her voice that made even Regina cringe. “I speak from experience, dear. In fact, I was hoping we could go there together,” she said as she turned to Regina with an odd smile curling over her lips that almost made Regina cower away from. “We can go together, dear, and return brand new.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Mother,” she said drolly. “Why are you--Mother, let Emma in. This is--would you stop being completely ridiculous?”

“She isn’t the one I’m not letting in to see you!”

Dr. Hopper waved meekly from where he stood not too far down the hall. Dr. Whale wasn’t too far behind him, hiding behind a clipboard as he tried to stay out of it.

“He’s a doctor, Cora,” Emma exclaimed and she shook her hands out, taking a deep breath before she continued. “Didn’t you just finish telling me that if there was a better alternative that you’d be okay with it? Well, this is it,” she said calmly. “Let him go in and talk to Regina. Please? Just for a minute. Shouldn’t we be doing what _she_ wants?”

“She just spent the last decade doing what she wants,” Cora said tightly. “Doing what she wants has led her to this, right here, right now. So no, Emma, we shouldn’t be letting her do what she wants if we expect--”

“Expect what?” Regina asked and Cora turned her head to look at her. “What are you expecting, Mother? For me to magically be cured by this rehab facility in North Carolina? I just came back home, I just bought a house for god’s sake. Why would I _leave_?”

“To get help!”

“I can get help here!” Regina exclaimed incredulously. “Dr. Hopper is here now. Let him in, Mother. Stop being so goddamn ridiculous. You’re making an unnecessary scene. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Cora had indeed drawn in a crowd of patients, nurses, and a few other doctors out there in the hallway. She was seething. Her anger was radiating off of her and it was contagious it seemed. Emma was seeing red, unable to talk reason into Cora Mills. Regina was pissed because all of this was unfolding and all she wanted to do was to speak with Dr. Hopper about a treatment plan he might have in mind to go hand in hand with the outpatient program there in the hospital.

“Mrs. Mills,” Archie Hopper said, his voice soft, low, and patient. He approached Cora with hands up in front of him tentatively. “I’d just like to speak with Regina for a moment. Privately. It should be her decision,” he said and he looked over at Regina to offer her a small smile. “Rehab isn’t necessarily the only option, and while I agree with many of the points you’ve made, I disagree in your decision to refuse any other option other than the one that you have chosen. I believe there is another way to help Regina in all of this, one where she does not have to leave town.”

“Come on,” Emma said and she reached out to place a hand on Cora’s arm that was still blocking the doorway. A mistake. Cora snapped and pushed at Emma with a growl. “Cora, come on, I know you’re concerned and you want what is best--”

“Nobody knows what is best for my daughter other than me!”

“You’re more of an alcoholic than I am, Mother,” Regina said with a stoic expression on her face. She didn’t dare to blink. She knew if she did, she would crack under her mother’s intense glare, the very same one that had scared her into submission for most of her life. “Therapy, in my opinion,” she continued, albeit a little shakily, “is progressively better than being shipped off against my will to a rehab facility. Let me speak with Dr. Hopper and then make my decision. Please, Mother?”

Cora looked at her skeptically then over at Dr. Hopper, who was steadfast in keeping his composure in front of her, and then to Emma who was gently trying to lure her away from the doorway with the promise of coffee. Cora gave, muttering how weak the coffee was in the hospital--from the machines and the cafeteria--and before Regina could catch any more of the conversation between her mother and Emma, Dr. Hopper stepped forward and gestured into the room.

“Can we talk somewhere else?” Regina asked. “I don’t want to go back in there.”

“I suppose we could find somewhere else, but it won’t be private, unfortunately. I doubt you want strangers to overhear our conversation.”

“Please, there has to be somewhere else we can talk privately, Dr. Hopper.”

The man scratched idly at the back of his neck and sighed. “I suppose I can ask Dr. Whale if we can use his office momentarily.”

“Thank you.”

Almost ten minutes later, they were settled down in Dr. Whale’s small office on the fifth floor. Regina was on the small couch that was along one wall and Dr. Hopper pulled up the desk chair in front of her. He offered a small smile before he cleared his throat and opened up a notepad he’d taken out of his worn leather briefcase.

“I quite forgot what your mother can be like at times,” Dr. Hopper said. “She can be rather intense, can’t she?”

“That wouldn’t be the word I’d use to describe her, Dr. Hopper.”

“All right, let’s get started, shall we?” he said and he smiled at her again. She wondered for a moment if he was overdoing it for her sake to make her feel comfortable and she decided not to say anything about it at all. “I understand you’ve been to our local AA group a few times since you’ve moved back to town. How did you find that?”

“Not for me.”

“Why?”

“Everyone there, they’ve got far worse problems than I do. I feel as if I don’t belong there, Dr. Hopper. Yes, I am an alcoholic, but these people, they--” Regina groaned as she waved a hand around, trying to find the words. “They have far more problems than their problems in relation to alcohol.”

“I believe you may be right, in some ways, however, AA is not just for people with severe problems, in relation to alcohol or not. Do you have a sponsor?”

“David Nolan.”

Dr. Hopper nodded. “Did you speak with him at all before the uh, incident?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

“All right,” Dr. Hopper said patiently. “Why do you believe rehab is not for you?”

“I don’t want to go to rehab, Archie. I feel I don’t need it.” She knew she was wrong about that, and while she did need some kind of treatment, she was right about rehab not being an option. She felt that deep in her core. “I don’t want to leave to seek help. I shouldn’t have to leave when I only just came back. I bought a house and--and everyone has worked so tirelessly to get it ready for me. There was so much work to be done and now it’s…done.”

“I know. I was actually recruited to help paint by Emma and Marco. Henry was very persuasive as well,” he laughed. “I do believe you are right about one thing, somewhat. There are other treatment options as an alternative to rehabilitation, all of which you can do here in town. I offer counseling and other services, but I truly believe that if one wants to get to the core reason of their addiction, they have to dig back, sometimes very far back, to find the reason why. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.”

“Would that be something you’d be willing to try?”

“Yes.” Said without hesitation. “What kind of treatment do you have in mind, Dr. Hopper?”

“Regular therapy sessions, an hour a day for at least a couple of weeks. I understand that for most, it is not a feasible option due to other obligations, but--”

“Okay,” she said and started picking at the cuticles on her thumb. “Therapy. Every day for one hour. Will that subside at some point or--?”

“Yes, however,” he said and he paused, placing his pen down on top of the pad of paper in his lap, “I won’t be able to properly come up with a guideline until after a couple of sessions together. This may be an easy solution, but it very may well not be.”

“I understand.”

“We won’t get into anything too heavy at the moment,” Dr. Hopper said. “You’ve been through quite a lot lately. I’m more concerned with how you are feeling now.”

“Better than I did when I got here,” Regina replied, fighting back the urge to roll her eyes. She knew the man meant well and he didn’t deserve her sarcastic remarks. “Everything still feels a little…off. Foggy. Sluggish. Dr. Whale said it’ll be another day or two before I start to feel back to my normal self.”

“Did Dr. Whale explain the outpatient program to you?” Upon her nod, he smiled and then continued, “The most important thing at this moment is for you to focus on your recovery. The next step is the outpatient program. I’ll see you there during group sessions and private sessions. It’ll be very beneficial for you, I believe. First and foremost, your physical recovery is a priority at the moment. You’ve been through quite the ordeal and your body needs time to heal from that.”

“This program is only for a couple of days, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Unless the attending psychologist, which would be me, decides that you will need a different treatment plan. We’ll see how things go later this afternoon at the first group therapy session, all right? Now, is there anything specific you’d like to talk about right now?”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Let’s start with the first recognizable emotion you are feeling right now.”

“Guilty.”

“Why?”

“Henry found me,” she said and paused as she tried to swallow past the lump that suddenly rose in her throat. “He shouldn’t have had to see me like that.”

“It’s all right to feel guilty for that, Regina, but at the same time, if he hadn’t found you when he did, I very much doubt that we would be having a conversation right now.”

She had heard a very similar talk from Dr. Whale earlier that morning and she was beginning to feel irritated. She didn’t want to hear it all over again. She continued to pick at her fingers, favoring the right thumb and the cuticle that was starting to burn as she picked away at the skin.

“Have you spoken with Henry?”

“I have. I’ve apologized profusely. I still feel guilty.”

“Did he accept your apology?”

“Yes.”

“Then you need to let it be. I know you cannot soothe your conscious nor can you change the events of the past.” Dr. Hopper scribbled something down quickly on his note pad before he offered her yet another warm, friendly smile. “Let’s talk some more about the outpatient program. I have a feeling you will be far more successful if you know what to expect going forward...”

[X]

It was after eight o’clock that night before Regina was placed into a semi-private room designated for those in the outpatient recovery program. It was more than what met the eye, more than what Dr. Whale had told her, and she only found that out after asking Dr. Hopper a lot of questions during their talk earlier in the day. Despite Dr. Hopper assuring her that the program was worth giving it a shot, she felt like she was the very last person who needed to be there.

There were four other patients in the program, one that had started the program that very morning. The other three had been there for two days and were about to be released the next morning, a whole day earlier than the program guideline. Regina had been moved into the program shortly after her conversation with Dr. Hopper that morning. She spent the majority of the afternoon arguing with two of the nurses who were trying to put her on a far different treatment plan than what Dr. Hopper and Dr. Whale had gotten her to agree on.

She had been to group therapy, a session that lasted nearly two hours after the dinner hour was over, and she was already dreading attending another one in the morning. Her personal problems in relation to her alcoholism were far different than the others in the group, and it further served her point that she did not belong there at all.

Any and all forms of communication with the outside world, she had learned early on in the afternoon after being admitted to the program, was severely prohibited. Her phone was confiscated, and while there was a phone in her semi-private room she thankfully had to herself, it only connected to the nurse’s station down the hall and not to the world outside the hospital walls.

Visitors were not allowed while treatment was ongoing she had learned also, just as she was informed that if she was required to prolong the program, the rules would be a little bit different than they were for the three-day program. It was something she was trying to keep her mind off of because there was no way in _hell_ she was staying there past the three days she’d agreed to attend the outpatient rehabilitation program.

Dr. Hopper believed she would benefit more from regular therapy sessions rather than rehabilitation, but he had encouraged her to at least give it a try. She had given it a chance, and while it wasn’t much of one, she was already done and ready to just go home.

But she stayed.

What else was she supposed to do? How could she move forward if she wasn’t willing to put in the work to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her?

It was going to be a very long and hard road ahead, the journey unknown, but she could see the end already. The end where she went back to living her life the way it had been before.

With Emma. With Henry. With _her_ family.


	48. Chapter 48

It was a rainy Tuesday morning when Regina walked out of Storybrooke General Hospital. Alone. She spent three days in the outpatient program and though the first day had been nothing short of discouraging, the second day had sparked a new sense of determination within herself.

To recover.

To get better.

To stay sober.

Dr. Hopper had said several times over the last handful of days that no two people were alike when it came to addiction nor was each treatment of an individual the same as another’s. Each person went through addiction and recovery differently and was unique to each and every one.

Her last day in the program, while she wasn’t exactly ready to face the world alone just yet, she was given some tools to use when her thoughts became far too overwhelming and the cravings kicked into overdrive. She stayed one more night, optional but needed, at least she’d convinced herself of that the night before when she was asked whether she wanted to sign out of the program then or wait until the morning.

She’d come a long way in just three days, that was for sure. From going to not wanting to be there, to knowing she had to be. From not thinking she belonged there, to knowing she was exactly where she needed to be.

Regina saw rather than heard her sister’s car tearing through the parking lot near the side entrance to the hospital. She groaned as she gripped tightly onto the handle of the suitcase her mother had brought over days earlier and watched as Zelena took a corner almost a little too hard, the wheels screeching against the pavement. A little old lady who barely managed to pull her walker out of the way before Zelena almost ran her over, raised a hand, and flipped Zelena off.

“You should be more careful, Zelena,” Regina said once she was in the car. “You nearly killed that poor woman.”

“I did no such thing,” Zelena replied flippantly. “And it’s fine. Everything is fine. Now, where to, Regina? Home or homo?”

“Excuse me?”

“Home to your new house or homo to Emma Swan?”

“You’re an imbecile, Zelena. Why did I even bother calling you?”

“Because nobody else was available to come and pick you up. Beggars can’t be choosers, can they? So,” Zelena said with a wide grin after she popped the gum she had in her mouth obnoxiously loudly. “Home or homo?”

Regina sighed. “ _Home_ , Zelena. Please,” she said, adding the please with much effort that it almost hurt. “I appreciate you coming to pick me up.”

“Then at least act grateful, Regina. It’s not that hard.”

“I had no one else to call.”

Zelena turned to look at her, a somber look on her face. It shifted the tense mood in the car. “Well, I’m happy you called me, Regina,” she said softly. “Do you need to go anywhere or stop somewhere?”

Regina sighed tiredly. “No, Zelena. Just take me home, please.” She turned to look out the window as Zelena drove slowly and calmly through the lot and exited onto the street.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

Regina loathed small talk like this, especially with her sister. It always put her on an edge that was hard to come back from later. She had to try, though, because that was one of the many things she’d be working through, one of many relationships she’d have to repair within her family. It was part of her recovery and she was determined to stick with it. No more avoidance. No more denial. No more fighting with the demons that still lurked in the shadows.

She would form a relationship with her mother, with her sister, and her niece. There was still a big part of her that didn’t want the kind of relationship with them as she’d had with her father. With him, it had been special and theirs alone. He had always loved her unconditionally. Patiently. Her mother rarely showed her any love and affection as she was growing up, and that had affected her in ways she was still discovering.

One rule Dr. Hopper had given her was to leave most things to be discussed during their sessions instead of allowing them to consume her whole. It was a different way of thinking, really, but she was up for the challenge. It seemed a bit unorthodox, too, but she had spent the last few days doing just that. Things were changing, inside and out. She just had to let things happen as they did and learn how to deal differently.

Easier said than done.

But, it was a challenge, and she was never one to back down from a challenge.

She had a session with Dr. Hopper no less than an hour ago just before her release from the program. It had left her feeling a bit more at ease about leaving and going back to the real world and her “new” life. One of the challenges he presented her with was to approach everything as if she were getting a fresh start, not a second chance. It had definitely already shifted her perspective. For most things, anyway.

“How have you been?” Regina asked Zelena and gripped onto the handle on the door when Zelena took a hard right turn. “How has Mother been doing? I haven’t seen her since last week.”

“Good. She’s meeting with Dr. Hopper regularly as well. Did he tell you?”

“No, because there is such a thing as patient-doctor confidentiality. He couldn’t tell me even if I asked him.”

“Right. Anyway, she’s working with him to get through some of her own personal issues. She had me get rid of every bottle of alcohol in the house last night. I had to put some of Daddy’s vintage bottles in storage. They’re worth a lot of money and it’d be insane to just get rid of them,” Zelena said. “Mother wants to get together possibly tomorrow to discuss what we’re going to do with the brewery.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it is painfully obvious, isn’t it?” Zelena said drolly. “We cannot successfully run that business with two alcoholics in the family, can we?”

Regina hadn’t thought much of her father’s brewery, his dream to give the world--or at least a handful of states--a taste of his strong apple cider. That had been so far from her mind for weeks. She supposed it was inevitable that it would come down to a discussion on whether to go forward with everything or not. What she did know, because she’d seen the business plan after she returned to New York City and the lawyer had sent it to her along with a copy of her father’s will, the company was due to go public in seven weeks.

“We can if we come up with a plausible plan going forward, Zelena. We’ll need someone who understands the business and has Daddy’s best interests and intentions in mind,” Regina said and sighed tiredly. “It is--was his dream. If we put a stop to it, gods, it would be a huge disappointment to him.”

“He’s dead. I doubt he’ll know.”

“Zelena, how could you say that?”

“He’s dead, Regina,” Zelena deadpanned and then she scoffed. “What, you believe there’s life after death? That somehow we are still consciously aware of the world we’ve left behind when we kick the bucket?”

“If I don’t believe in that, then what is the point in living this life if there is nothing waiting for us after it is over?”

“It’s all hogwash. Once you’re dead, you’re dead. Gone. You cease to exist.”

“So, because you believe that, it makes it okay to completely derail the one thing that Daddy wanted most in life as of late?” Regina asked incredulously. “You are unbelievable, Zelena.”

“As I said, Mother wants us all to get together to see about what we can do moving forward. We’re just waiting on Mr. Spencer to get back to us, for him to be available, since he was the one who drafted up a lot of the paperwork for the brewery with Daddy when he was still alive. Don’t worry, Mother insisted we will both have a say in what happens going forward, so bring your best ideas to the table, dear.”

Repairing a relationship with Zelena wasn’t possible since they’d never really had one to begin with, but Regina was starting to question just how far she was willing to go to be on neutral grounds with her older half-sister.

But she had to _try_ even if spending more than five minutes with Zelena drove her completely batshit insane.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stop anywhere?” Zelena asked. Regina shook her head and looked back out the window. “Well, you are lucky that Emma and I took it upon ourselves to stock up your refrigerator or else you’d be going home to starve.”

“I have a vehicle. I can drive to get groceries.”

“Point is, don’t be so ungrateful, Regina. We all busted our arses to get that house ready for you.”

“I am not ungrateful. I didn’t ask anyone to do that.”

“No, you didn’t, but we did it anyway. We did it for you. Because we love you.”

“Thank you,” Regina replied as sincerely as she could muster when all she wanted to do was bash her sister’s head into the steering wheel. “I cannot wait to see what you and everyone else have done to the house.”

“David moved all your things over from his storage unit yesterday.”

“I know. I got a text from him this morning.”

“Right. Of course. Why didn’t you call him to ask him to pick you up?”

“Because I called you, Zelena.”

She was questioning her decision to do that now, but Dr. Hopper had told her she needed to step out of her comfort zone a little when it came to her family. Mainly because they weren’t as she remembered them and she needed to get to know them and the new family dynamic that was there.

“He has other obligations to do. The wedding is this weekend,” Regina said and Zelena ho-hummed and made another right turn onto the rural road that led to the house.

“Are you still going?”

“Yes.”

“Have you decided what to wear yet?”

“I have.”

“And?” Zelena drawled out impatiently. “What are you wearing?”

“A suit similar to what Henry is planning to wear. Since he is my date, he suggested we match,” Regina said as she recalled the brief phone conversation she’d had with Henry shortly after her session with Dr. Hopper had ended.

“A suit?” Zelena laughed. “Mary Margaret is allowing you to wear a suit to her wedding? That is absolutely absurd! She refused to allow Emma to wear one. I don’t see why she is making an exception for you.”

“Because I am not in the wedding party, Zelena, I am just a guest.”

“Does Emma know you’re wearing a suit yet?”

“No. I haven’t had a chance to really talk to her yet. To anyone, really. In case your memory has failed you, Zelena, I just got out of the hospital after nearly two weeks.”

“I see your stay there hasn’t affected your sarcastic sass, Regina.”

“Nothing will ever affect that,” she laughed and she started to feel the tension between them easing, bit by bit. “So, are you going to tell me how you managed to get Emma as your date to the wedding?”

“Nope.”

“I didn’t think so. It involved a bribe to Henry though, so I’m still very curious.”

“I’ve been sworn to secrecy,” Zelena said. “Besides, it’s not every day I go on a date with a woman, dear. I’ll be the envy of everyone there because I will be there with the sheriff.”

“Sure.”

“You’re jealous.”

“Not really.”

“You are!” Zelena laughed. “You wanted to be Emma’s date!”

“I got an invitation. She’s in the wedding party. I hardly think that I could’ve been her date if--”

“Don’t worry, Regina, I’ll let you dance with her,” she said. “But only if you’re nice to me, which you’re really treading that line finely at the moment.”

“How?”

Zelena waved her off. “You just are. I know you’ve just been through a lot, Regina, but you need to loosen up. Pull that stick out of your arse and just…be.”

“Yes,” Regina sighed as she slumped in the seat and watched the world go by as Zelena sped down the road. “I’ll do just that and just…be.”

[X]

It had taken much convincing to get Zelena to leave, insisting she was okay to be left alone. Thankfully, Zelena hadn’t pushed too much, which was a little surprising and a little bit of a relief. She didn’t truly relax until she saw Zelena’s car reach the end of the driveway and made the turn onto the road to head back to town.

The house looked far better than she envisioned. Every room had been painted, cleaned, and freshened up. Curtains that were white, light, and airy hung on every window, most of which were open to let in the breeze. Most of the walls were bare, and there were a few pieces of artwork that she’d had in New York rested on the floor against the walls in the living room, waiting for her decision of where to hang them.

All the repairs that had been needed were done. The house felt like a far different place than it had been the last time she was there a few weeks ago. She knew she’d left her demons behind there in the yard, but as Dr. Hopper had told her, she needed to let that go and not view it as a negative space.

She had, for the most part, but she’d spent most of the night before waking up from dreams--nightmares--that made her relive the whole experience over again in her head.

She avoided the yard, for now, looking through the freshly painted cabinets in the kitchen to find all her things neatly put away and organized, most of which would be easy to find, practical and convenient. From the kitchen, she headed upstairs, stopping in the master bedroom first. Her bed was set up and the size of the room dwarfed the queen-sized bed that was positioned along the far wall and not exactly where she’d intended for it to be the last time she walked through the house.

The other rooms had the beds set up, brand new mattresses sitting on top of the frames and still in the plastic. The last room, her desk was set up a few feet from the big windows, and the boxes will all her old files and law books were stacked up along one wall, unopened. She headed back to the master bedroom and sat down on the bed that had been made with fresh and clean sheets and she laid back, staring up at the vaulted ceiling, her mind both blank and racing with thoughts she couldn’t quite decipher yet.

_“Find a mantra, a phrase, something to corral those thoughts from taking over,” Dr. Hopper said. “An image would work just as well. It’s going to be key in your ongoing success in recovery and staying sober.”_

So, she thought about Emma Swan. About that smile that made her feel butterflies every single time. About her eyes, how they changed different colors slightly depending on her mood or the light. She thought about the way she felt every time Emma just touched her, intimately or otherwise, and how excited her body grew with even just a subtle touch. She thought about kissing Emma, from the short and soft pecks to the long, drawn out kisses that left her body feeling hot and aroused just thinking about it.

She’d thought about Emma a lot over the past handful of days since she woke from her coma. She thought a lot about their relationship, too, and where they would go from there. She wanted nothing more in her life than to have Emma in hers for as long as Emma wanted to stay.

Thinking about Emma had her thinking about the things she and Dr. Hopper had been talking about. She had to come to terms with the realization that this time around their relationship would be a lot different than what it had been before. There would be no more hiding, no more lies or excuses, no more denial. There was no need for it. Her family was accepting of Emma in every way. She was a part of that family, with or without Regina.

Bigotry had been a big issue while Regina had been growing up. It was hard to forget the comments her mother used to make when she didn’t start dating boys like other girls her age did in the ninth grade. Her mother called her a lesbian, always said with disgust, always followed up with a statement on how she would be disowned from the family if she turned out to be one. It had caused her to reel inwards for years, more so when she met and fell in love with Emma Swan. She had still been reeling when she moved back to Storybrooke, and now it was time for her to let that part of her life go.

Thinking about Emma led her to thinking about Henry. It was inevitable. She still felt so very guilty that he had been the one to find her in that state. It was enough to make sure that it never happened again. Though he had forgiven her, she hadn’t yet been able to forgive herself, and it would be a long, tedious process, and one she was determined to get through quickly so that she could rebuild her relationship with him, too.

In some ways, Henry had been the glue in her and Emma’s relationship in the beginning. In other ways, he was the catalyst of what led them to being together now. Had she never gotten that phone call, she knew she would still be in New York, living a life that left her unhappy and stale.

Henry saw her as his other mother, and it was a term of endearment she was still very much trying to process. She had been out of his life longer than she had been in it before, but that hadn’t changed the way he felt about her or she about him. It only added to the mountain of guilt because she had missed so many years of his life that she would never be able to get back. So many milestones that she’d missed that she would only ever get to know if someone told her their memories of it all.

She let her mind and her thoughts focus on Henry, on Emma, on moving forward and building a life with them again. The lull of sleep was pulling her in now that she was in her own bed again, and she didn’t bother to fight it, succumbing willingly, and she could only hope her dreams would leave her with a feeling a euphoria, because happiness was the one emotion she was going to cling to with everything she had.

Happiness was the only thing she was willing to fight for anymore. Her own happy ending, or as she’d put it when she’d talked with Dr. Hopper that morning, her happy beginning.

[X]

It was late in the afternoon when Regina woke up to a few text messages on her phone. Her eyes were slow to focus to the light in the room pouring in the windows and it was warm despite the windows being open and a nice breeze blowing in. She groaned as she stretched out on the bed and rubbed at her eyes.

She felt rested, maybe not completely, but close, and she smiled as her eyes focused and she blinked down at her phone as she sat up in bed to read the texts she’d received throughout the day. There was one from Zelena, asking if she was feeling up to going for breakfast with her and Robyn the next morning. There was one from David asking to give him a call when she could. And then there were a handful of messages from Henry.

**_Did you get home all right?_ **

**_How do you like the house? We did all right, yeah?_ **

**_I left my bike in the barn, can I come and get it later??_ **

**_Tomorrow?_ **

**_Mom, call me, please, it’s a bit of an emergency._ **

**_Don’t worry, I’m fine, but please, call me??_ **

Reading his texts had her heart racing and her mind blowing everything out of proportion. A bit of an emergency? For a teenager, on the cusp of his sixteenth birthday, that could mean absolutely anything. She tried not to jump to any conclusions as she had no idea what this bit of an emergency even was.

The stairs creaked, some a little louder than others, as she descended down the stairs and headed into the kitchen to get some water. Her lips were dry, her throat parched. She found the refrigerator stocked with food, healthy food which she found a little surprising considering who had bought and stocked it. She found a few bottles of water on one shelf beside a carton of milk and she barely had it out of the refrigerator before her phone was ringing.

Henry’s name showed up on the screen and she fumbled to put the bottle of water down on the counter as she answered the phone as quickly as she could manage.

“Hello, Henry.”

“Did you get my texts?”

“I did,” she replied. “I just woke up. I had a little bit of an unplanned nap when I got in.”

“Oh, okay,” Henry replied and he sounded a little bit relieved. “I wasn’t sure if everything was okay. Zee said she dropped you off this morning, but I--I don’t know. I guess I was kind of getting worried?”

“Everything is fine,” she said and sighed as she leaned up against the counter and reached for her water. “What is this bit of an emergency, Henry?”

“Well, it’s Mom,” he said, a whisper and only just. “I’m not supposed to say anything, but she’s been freaking out all day.”

“About what?”

“A ring.”

“Oh?” Regina was surprised because Emma didn’t wear rings. She barely wore jewelry and she hadn’t seen her wear anything since her return. “Is this ring special?”

“Yeah, you can say that. She lost it, or well, misplaced it, I don’t know. Isn’t that the same thing? Lost and misplaced?” Henry rambled on and he started laughing. “I wanted to try and help her find it, you know? Ease her mind or whatever.”

“Do you know where she’s kept it before?”

“Nope.”

“Has she told you anything about this ring other than she has it?”

“Yeah.” A pause. “It’s for you.”

“What?” Regina blinked as she pulled her phone from her ear and wondered if she’d heard him right at all. “Did you just--”

“Grandpa gave it to her years ago. I guess it’s like a family heirloom or something? I don’t know, but all I know is that Mom is freaking out because she can’t find it. I don’t know what to do. I just want to help her. There is only one problem. I don’t know what it even looks like because she never showed me, she just told me about it.”

“Where is she now?” Regina asked and she frowned at the shaky way her voice sounded. Once again, she tried not to jump to any conclusions, but what Henry had just told her was making that impossible. “Is she at work?”

“Yeah, she’s working until seven, I think.”

“What would you like me to do, Henry?”

“Can you come and help me look for it? Please?” Henry asked. “I think you know what it looks like, right? I mean, your dad gave it to her. He said it belonged to his mother a very long time ago.”

Regina knew exactly what ring he was talking about and it was making her hands shake uncontrollably. “Yes,” she said slowly. “I do know what it looks like. Henry,” she said and paused as she took a sip of her water. “I know you want to help your mother, but I don’t think it is a good idea that I help you.”

“Why not?”

“You said that the ring is supposed to be for me?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah, that’s what she said years ago. Grandpa gave it to her on the condition she got you back and asked you to marry her one day.”

“I think…I think that it is not a good idea that I help you find it, dear. She may not be too pleased to find out that you’ve told me about it when it was supposed to be a secret.”

“Well, you can help me in other ways,” Henry said hopefully. “I mean, I can help her find it without her knowing I’m looking for it if you just, you know, distract her.”

“How do you suggest that I do that?”

“Well, we can start the next phase of Operation Woo Mom,” he said excitedly. “You can surprise her with dinner or something when she gets off work at seven. Take her back to your place and, you know, do whatever it is you guys do as a couple or whatever.”

“If she’s been working all day, the last thing she’s going to want to do is go anywhere but home. And,” she said and she sighed as she could hear Henry muttering in protest. “If she’s worried about this ring, the last thing she’s going to want is to be anywhere but home as soon as she gets off of work to look for it.”

“She’s been home like ten times today just to look for it.”

“Henry, as much as I would like to help, I don’t think that it is a good idea.”

“Because the ring is supposed to be for you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you know what it looks like, so maybe you can help me? I just want to help her, you know?” Henry sighed. “She loved that necklace, by the way.”

“When did you give it to her?”

“Uh, the day after you were in the hospital. We were on our way to see you and I just gave it to her, you know? Felt like a good time. I don’t know. So, can you help me?”

Regina paused to think about it for a moment. She wanted to help him, she wasn’t quite sure _how_ , and then it just clicked. “How grounded are you still?” she asked.

“Still grounded, but not like super grounded. Why?”

“What does that mean?”

Henry laughed. “I’m allowed to go over to see Robyn and whatever, but only if Mom says it’s okay. Why?”

“I think I can help you,” Regina said carefully. “There are old photo albums that my mother has kept tucked away. There should be dozens of pictures of my Abuelita in some of them from before she’d passed. I was a very little girl when she died, but I remember her best from the photos my father used to show me of her and his side of the family.”

“Okay,” Henry drawled out, sounding a bit confused. “How are photo albums going to help me find the ring for Mom?”

“Because, my little prince, my Abuelita never took that ring off and if it is the very same ring you say it is, they will be the best way for you to know what it looks like so that you know exactly what you are looking for.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Get permission from your mother to go to the house.”

“What do I say if she asks me why? You want me to lie?”

“Dinner,” Regina replied automatically. “It’s not that much of a lie, is it?”

“No, not really, but she’ll be pissed she didn’t get an invite and I did.”

Regina couldn’t help but laugh because of course that’s how Emma would react to Henry going to her mother’s house for dinner without her. Regina grabbed her keys and her wallet and managed to twist the cap on the bottle of water with one hand before she explained to Henry that she would be on her way to her mother’s house in a couple of minutes and that if he could meet her there, she’d be there in less than twenty minutes. If not, she would find the photos she was thinking of and bring them over to him.

She didn’t overthink what she was doing or why she was doing it during the drive into town to her mother’s house. Henry needed her help and she was going to do what she could to help him. Or, at the very least, to ease his mind over his mother’s worries.

She didn’t have a mantra, per se, so it was a bit difficult to stop her mind from wandering. Emma had a ring, a ring that was meant for her, a ring that was given to Emma by her father that had been in the family for generations. It was the very same ring that had a story attached to it. Her Abuelita hated her mother, though hate wasn’t quite the word to describe the tumulus relationship they’d had when the woman had still been alive. She remembered one story in particular, one her father told her over and over whenever she asked how he asked her mother to marry him.

Her Abuelita refused, flat out _refused_ to give him the ring to ask Cora to marry him with. She didn’t believe Cora to be worthy of being the next in line to have the ring. There was a huge divide between the family for a time until her father had bought a brand new ring to propose with. After her Abuelita passed when she was eight, the ring was left to her father in her will with very specific instructions that he was to not allow Cora to get her “filthy, greedy” hands on it. He was instructed to hand it down to his daughter, or a son if he had one in the future.

The thought of it made Regina’s eyes fill with tears, so much that she had to pull over to the side of the road in order to compose herself. But it was impossible because she knew that very story so well and she knew that her father would not have given it to Emma if he didn’t see her as his daughter.

It really changed everything. It changed how she saw her family now, the dynamics they had, and the very fact that Emma was absolutely a part of the family in every way.

By the time she arrived at her mother’s house and parked on the street just out front, she received another text from Henry informing her that he was not given permission to leave the house and that he couldn’t lie to his mother about why he wanted to go over to the Mills’ house. She didn’t buy the dinner thing because she hadn’t been invited and she’d gone as far as texting Zelena to find out if they were all sitting down to have a family dinner that night.

It didn’t matter. Regina could still find the photos she was looking for and bring them to Henry so that he would know exactly what he was looking for. It was a little strange, too, because she was so sure that there wouldn’t be any other rings in the house that he would find or be confused with it being _the_ ring Emma was apparently frantic to find.

It just didn’t matter. Henry needed her help and she needed something to keep her focus off of everything else.

The house was quiet and empty, she soon discovered, though both her mother and Zelena’s vehicles were parked in the driveway. She let herself in with her key and wandered through the house, looking around not only to see if anyone was actually there, but for the photo albums she remembered her mother always used to keep.

A quick search in the den, where they once lived in the cabinet under the bookshelves, and she found nothing, the cabinets now filled with countless of DVDs. The door to the study was locked and Regina couldn’t be bothered to find the key. She trekked up to the attic instead, hoping to find them there or else she’d be quite upset if she found out that her mother had discarded them.

When it came to Cora, anything was possible, especially since those albums were filled with photos of mostly her father’s side of the family.

“Auntie Regina?” Robyn asked quietly as she opened her bedroom door. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I didn’t know anyone was home, Robyn.”

“Mom and Grandma took the stupid dog for a walk. I’ve been hiding out in my room because they were trying to get me to go with them.”

Regina laughed. “Is that right?” she asked and shook her head. “Robyn, would you happen to know where the photo albums are being kept?”

“The old blue ones?” Robyn asked and upon Regina’s nod, she turned to the closet door and pulled out an old cardboard box. “I’ve been keeping them. Grandma tried to throw them out a few weeks ago.”

“I was hoping that wasn’t the case,” Regina sighed. “Would you mind if I borrowed those?”

“You can have them, actually,” Robyn said. “I knew you’d want them. I can’t believe she’d put them out on the curb with the rest of the trash.”

“I believe it.”

“Well, you’re welcome.” Robyn smiled at her. “I hope that was all of them. That was all that was out there by the time I got them.”

“It looks like it is,” Regina said as she peered into the box, four faded and worn blue photo albums standing up side by side. “Thank you, Robyn.”

Had she thought of it sooner, she would’ve found and taken the photo albums long before now. She pinched at the bridge of her nose, struggling to stay calm. Her mother was one of those things she had no control over and she couldn’t let her anger get to her.

“Truly, I’m grateful,” she said, flashing her niece a sincere smile. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever, dear.”

“Yeah.”

“Perhaps you and I could get together soon?”

“What, like hang out?” Robyn asked. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Well, we can hang out now?”

“I’m on a bit of a mission,” Regina said, a small frown slipping out as she picked up the cardboard box. “Perhaps tomorrow? We can get together for lunch?”

“Can we go for a ride?” Robyn asked. “I could pack us a picnic.”

“That would be lovely,” Regina smiled. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Okay. Later, Auntie Regina.”

Regina made it downstairs and slipped out the front door just in time as she heard her mother and Zelena chattering as they came in through the side door with the dog. She loaded the box into the back of the Escalade before she drove off. She stopped by the park only half a block from the Swan’s house, parking in the small gravel lot by the baseball diamond.

She stood by the back with it open and went through the photo albums until she found the handful of pictures she was looking for specifically. She smiled fondly at the first picture of her as a three-year-old child sitting on the lap of her Abuelita, both of them caught on camera mid-laughter. The memory of that day had been so long ago, nearly forgotten.

The ring was clearly visible because of the way her Abuelita was holding her, both hands around her middle, the light from the flash making the ring sparkle a little. She pulled the picture out of the page and placed it aside. She went through the next few pages, eyes lingering on each picture and the few nearly forgotten memories that came with each one. She put the albums back in the box and carefully laid out the first photograph she’d picked out and took a picture of it with her phone, which she promptly sent to Henry.

He responded before she could close the back and get into the driver’s seat. The rain clouds that had disappeared earlier had given way to bright blue skies and it was such a stark difference from the way the day had felt that morning. Her mind drifted back to Emma again and she had this sense of urgency to see her. It had been a while since she’d seen Emma outside the hospital walls.

One way or another, her mind was always on Emma Swan. Instead of fighting it as she had for so long, she embraced the thoughts and the feeling that came with them.

When you loved someone, they were always on your mind, even in the littlest of moments. She had exhausted herself pushing Emma out of her head for a decade but no more. She wasn’t going to do it anymore. She was going to embrace every thought that lingered--or screamed at her in her head--and she was going to face any of them that turned into a reminder that she had ruined what they had together before by walking away. By leaving and not returning for ten years.

Ten years _was_ a really long time. Ten years should’ve been enough time to let both of them move on, Emma especially, but they hadn’t. They hadn’t moved on and they were still very much in love with each other. Being apart for ten years shouldn’t have afforded them the ease of getting back together that one night after the return from Portland after bailing Henry out of jail. Ten years should’ve driven a wedge between them and made it impossible for one to forgive the other and vice versa.

_Things were different after you left, but it should’ve been because you stayed._

Things were going to be different now that she was back, things had already changed and were changing every single day. Before, that phrase had scared her, and it had left her feeling as if she should run, run far away yet again. It still kind of scared her because there were so many unknowns attached to it. There was also some familiarity there too, somewhat, and she knew she had to get over _it_.

It being the fact that things really were different. Her family was different in more ways than the obvious ones that could be seen. The dynamics had changed, evolved. Her family had become something else entirely and she had missed out on so much of it. The guilt started to slide back into place. She gripped tightly onto the steering wheel as she tried and _tried_ to push that feeling right back out.

Dr. Hopper had instructed her that when she started feeling that overwhelming surge of guilt that she would need to face the very things she was guilty for and about. In this instance, it was a little more complicated than just making a visit to her mother’s house to see her family and to spend time with them. This was more than just that.

It wasn’t long before she was driving to the Swan house and she slowed almost to a stop in front of the house and frowned at the empty driveway. Emma’s Bug still hadn’t been fixed, she knew that because Emma had told her that last night. She’d been borrowing the cruiser to get around even during off-duty hours--something that was normally frowned upon, but because she was the sheriff, she could get away with it. For now.

She pulled away from the curb in front of the Swan house and she drove down the street, making each turn until she was on Mifflin and driving past her mother’s house. Unlike before, both vehicles in the driveway were now gone and the house looked quiet. Empty.

Using the interface on the dash, she pressed a few buttons on the touch screen and the sound of the line ringing filled the car as she called David, just as he’d asked her to earlier. The line rang and rang until she heard the click of the voicemail picking up and she hit the button on the steering wheel to end the call as she drove out of town and headed back home.

The fifteen-minute drive gave her mind the opportunity to wander, and though it felt like a dangerous thing to allow it to wander, she didn’t fight it, not like she used to before. She started to think about what would’ve been different had she approached the return home in a different way, without resistance and guilt and remorse. How different would things have been had she not fought it at all, they would be so different and she would’ve been able to feel the happiness that had evaded her for so very long. But she had fought it every step of the way even when she had no idea that that is exactly what she’d been doing.

Was it worth it? Absolutely not. But she knew that now. She just didn’t have the power to turn back time, nobody did, but the power she did have was the power to change the course of the future from that moment forward.

_“If there is ever a moment when things are far too overwhelming, Regina, you can call me any time, day or night,” Dr. Hopper said. “My door, so to speak, is always open.”_

He had proven to be the calming voice in the raging storm, but there was only one problem with that. Regina wanted it to be someone else. Regina wanted that voice to be Emma, but, at the same time, she knew that was far too much to ask of her.

She came to a slow stop at a lone crossroads a few miles from her house. There were no other cars around, not for as far as the eye could see, and she shifted the gear into park before she rubbed at her face tiredly with her hands and sighed. Her eyes were burning, yet there were no tears. There was a lump rising in her throat, yet after she swallowed once, twice, it went back down to wherever it had come from before. Her heart was steady, maybe a little quick, as her thoughts turned to Emma once more.

More so, the dreams of Emma that she’d been having, dreams that made waking up to a nurse checking in on her in the middle of the night awkward and embarrassing as hell.

_“Maybe I should’ve gone back to smoking.”_

_“You smoked?”_

_“For a while. Not for a long time now, though.”_

_“Replacing one vice for another isn’t a way to heal and move on. Perhaps you should think of picking up a new hobby or two, to keep busy. It should help with some of the restlessness you’ve been feeling.”_

A hobby. Even now Regina had to laugh at that. She never had hobbies, not since she was a child. Nothing interested her, nothing grabbed her and pulled her in enough to keep her interest. As a child, she had horseback riding, reading, and she remembered when she was nine how she wanted to be a writer before that had turned into dreams of being a lawyer, a dream she had already fulfilled.

A dream lived out that should’ve left her feeling whole and satisfied, but instead, she felt empty. As if it had just left a dark void that seemed impossible to fill at all.

Was it supposed to feel like that when you finally achieved a dream?

It felt like a joke.

And maybe because, as the realization hit her, she jerked back in surprise, know that wasn’t really her ultimate dream in life at all.

It was just a small part of it.

Family. A loving family, dysfunctional in their own way, but happy. Being in love. Spending a lifetime with the one that made her heart feel so full and her soul complete, _that_ was her dream.

A dream she’d been denying herself for far too long because her heart had cracked, pieces had fallen into shards, almost crumbled beyond repair, voids she’d tried to fill with a bottle, or two, or more.

And it was such a simple dream, one she had and let go of once before, and one she now had a second chance at.

She had her chance and she was damned if she was going to let it slip through her fingers once more. The demons weren’t going to win. Not this time. Not ever again.

The rest of the drive home was quick, her mind racing with thoughts of nothing but what her happy beginning would be like once she really started living it. It was exciting and daunting. Thrilling and frightening.

Frightening because there were still so many unknowns to face.

_Let your fear drive you forward instead of holding you back._

Regina knew she may have found a mantra, one of many, and she pulled up in the long gravel driveway with a sense of relief washing over her, and one that turned into surprise when she saw the handful of cars parked by the house.

The first vehicle her eyes had landed on was the sheriff’s cruiser. She laughed as she pressed on the gas pedal a little harder to get to the end of the driveway just a little quicker. She saw her sister and mother’s car parked in front and David’s truck beside the sheriff’s cruiser. There were two other vehicles she didn’t recognize, and she parked on the other side of the cruiser and all but leaped out of the car.

She heard voices coming from the back and she hurried around the side of the house to the gate that led into the yard. A banner hung from the porch roof, “Welcome Home” in bright, bold, and colorful letters. A table was set up, food laid out, a barbecue that was definitely not hers off to the side where David stood flipping hamburgers. The others were standing around, drinking soda or water or juice and Emma was the first to notice Regina as she opened the gate.

“Hey!” Emma said with a bright smile as she hurried over to her.

“What is all of this?” Regina laughed. “This is quite a surprise.”

“It was supposed to be one. It’s your welcome home party slash housewarming party!” Emma said with a flourish as the others started to greet Regina with smiles and waves and more welcome home’s. “Welcome home, Regina.”

Emma was the first to wrap her arms around Regina, hugging her tight, the moment lingering until Emma’s lips found hers with ease. Now this, _this_ felt like coming home, there in Emma’s arms and locked in a loving, tender kiss.

It left her feeling overwhelmed, but not in a way that held her in a vice grip she couldn’t get out of. This was a good feeling. This was what she wanted. To be surrounded by love.

“Zelena convinced everyone that it was bad luck for you to move in without a housewarming party,” Emma whispered when she ended the kiss a few minutes later. “Nobody wanted to argue with her.”

“I see.”

“Is this okay?” Emma asked, her voice still but a whisper, her arms still wrapped around Regina in a tight, warm embrace. “Just say the word and I’ll get everyone to leave.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Regina whispered. “It’s okay. Thank you,” she said and leaned in to press a soft kiss to Emma’s lips, one that was interrupted rudely by the sound of Zelena’s voice calling out their names. “What do you want, Zelena?” she barked and she groaned before she looked into Emma’s eyes. “I’m busy at the moment. Whatever you have to say can wait.”

“What I was going to say was that the food is ready and everyone is starving so, whenever you two are finished snogging, feel free to join us,” Zelena laughed. “Come on, everyone, let’s eat!”

“I’m starving,” Emma murmured before Regina could kiss her again. Because she could. Because she wanted to. Mostly though, because she could. “Let’s eat.”

Regina laughed as she felt the rumble of Emma’s stomach against hers. “Yes, let’s tame that beast, shall we?”

They sat together near the end of the table and across from Henry and Robyn. Dishes and bowls were passed around as everyone filled up their plates and chattered excitedly at how good the burgers smelled and at how fresh and crisp the salad looked. Regina’s stomach rumbled as she stared down at her plate and then she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Curious, she pulled it out and discreetly read the message on the screen from Henry.

**_I had nothing to do with this, by the way._ **

**_The ring was not a ploy or a distraction if that’s what you’re thinking._ **

**_I found it. Before you sent the picture. I meant to text you. Sorry._ **

**_Did you tell her?_ **

**_No. Not yet._ **

“Who are you texting?” Emma asked as she nudged at her side playfully. “Come on, Regina, whoever it is, it can wait. Let’s eat. Henry, you too, kid, come on. No phones at the table during family dinner. You know the rules.”

“Sorry, Mom.”

Regina just sat back a little and looked at the faces of everyone at the table, one by one, her heart feeling fuller as the minutes passed by. Regina placed her phone face down on the table beside her plate with a smile, the sound of laughter filling her ears and overtaking her thoughts.

Regina let her hand fall into Emma’s waiting one, their eyes meeting, flirty smiles dancing over their lips.

Zelena let out a groan that made the table fall silent. “Can you two go back into that closet of yours? I imagine it would be less nauseating being around you two in that case,” she said drolly. “I think I’ve nearly lost my appetite.”

“Zelena, don’t be so melodramatic,” Cora said before she flicked a piece of bread from the roll she had in one hand at her head. “It’s sweet. They’re in love, leave them be.”

Somehow everything felt like it was going to be okay again. Or at the very least, okay for the very first time.

Moving on, moving forward, it was a progress that would never be linear, a road that was never easy, but it was her journey. It was time to embrace it, chase the good instead of running away from the darkness.

She was ready now. She was ready for whatever would come next.


	49. Chapter 49

In the days that followed, keeping busy became her focus, and it kept her somewhat from falling off the brink of sanity.

Maybe a bit of an overstatement, but keeping busy kept her mind from wandering. From overthinking.

She spent an hour each morning with Dr. Hopper, each session working through each of the things that left her wracked with guilt. She’d faced a lot of her demons in just a handful of days, her determination overtaking the stubbornness that she’d let dominate for far too long already. It wasn’t until the day before David and Mary Margaret’s wedding when she found herself driving to the stables just a few miles away from her new home, facing yet another guilt.

She spent the day with her father’s horse, grooming her, riding her through the trails. She even spent time at that spot, but she didn’t linger, making her peace with the past and leaving before the memories consumed her. She apologized profusely to the mare, and it seemed a bit odd, but Regina knew that Lady somehow understood her.

Keeping busy meant keeping her mind off of the fact that she wasn’t able to spend much time with Emma at all. Emma was pulling in extra shifts when one deputy had suddenly quit the other week. It meant there was little time for them to see each other, but the texting was almost near-constant. It just wasn’t quite…enough.

Regina didn’t get to see Emma at all on that day and it was driving her a bit crazy with need. She was longing for Emma, just to be with her. She longed for Emma’s touch, to feel those delectable lips against hers, to fall apart in her embrace. It was enough to keep Regina restless for most of the night, and she woke up from a few hours of sleep in a grouchy, miserable mood.

The plan was to drive into town to get ready at the Swan’s house before they headed for the church in time for the wedding to start at exactly twelve o’clock. Emma was the first to leave. As Mary Margaret’s bridesmaid, she had to be at the church two hours before. Regina just missed her, arriving as Emma was rushing out the door, her garment bag with her dress trailing behind her because she was late.

Regina let herself into the house and found Henry standing in the hallway in front of the mirror struggling with his tie. She just stood there, mouth agape, and Henry laughed awkwardly as he motioned to the tie around his neck.

“Can you help?”

“Henry. Your hair--”

“I cut it,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “You should’ve seen Mom’s face. I thought she was going to faint.”

“Well, you look very handsome,” Regina smiled as she walked over to him, hanging up her own garment bag on the doorknob before she reached for the tie. “Did she sleep in?”

“Of course she did,” he laughed. “She’s been working a lot this week.”

“She deserves a break,” she said and quickly finished the knot on the tie and smoothed it out. “There. You’re all set.”

“Thanks.”

Regina used Emma’s bedroom to get dressed in the suit she had cleaned and pressed at the dry cleaners the day before. It was a simple light blue suit, the blouse a crème color, light and sleeveless. Her shoes, sandals really, paired rather well with the ankle-length hem of the pleated slacks. She kept her makeup light and tamed only a few unruly curls by pulling only part of her hair back with a diamond-encrusted pin.

Simple yet classy, just a little dressier than how she’d wear it to the office, but perfect for the wedding and the reception afterward.

“Wow, Mom, look at you,” Henry said with a whistle. “You look nice!”

“Nice?” Regina laughed as she walked out of the bedroom fully and twirled. “I look amazing, my little prince, now,” she said and another laugh escaped when she saw his eyes roll subtly. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

Regina tossed the key to the car at him and he caught it in surprise. “Yes, you can drive,” she said with a laugh. “But don’t tell your mother.”

The drive into town was a little nerve-wracking at first, but Henry proved to be a good and cautious driver and he listened to instructions well. They found parking easily as they were a bit early and Henry didn’t move to turn off the engine once he’d shifted it into park.

“Is something wrong?” Regina asked.

“No, but uh, can you do me a favor?” Henry asked, albeit a little sheepishly. “I love how you call me your little prince and everything, I really do, but can you not call me that in front of anyone here today? Please?”

Regina reached over, careful not to touch his shorter hair as he had it slicked back with what she could see was far too much gel. She leaned over and placed a kiss to his forehead before she wiped the small amount of lipstick that wiped off.

“Is that all, dear?” she asked and he laughed awkwardly with a nod of his head. “All right. Let’s head in, shall we? It looks like we’ll have our pick of the pews.”

[X]

The wedding ceremony was short but beautifully sweet. Those that had gathered there to celebrate the love between David and Mary Margaret were few, but there was so much love inside that church that it truly didn’t matter.

Regina, however, hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of Emma. The dress she was forced to wear was ridiculous, and she looked incredibly uncomfortable, fighting the urge to squirm and pull at the puffy, frilly sleeves that looked to be beyond irritating. Emma couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off of Regina, either, but using Regina as a distraction was futile against her fight against the ugliest dress in the universe.

Definitely _not_ an overstatement. Just facts. Reality.

Despite the hideousness of the dress, Emma was as beautiful as always, and Regina swore she fell more in love with her than she’d been before every time their eyes locked in a longing, loving gaze. All she could think about was being able to spend time with her later during the reception, at least just for a dance as one had already been promised to her before.

It was also hard not to think about the ring, the lost ring that had been found and not spoken of since that text Henry had sent her at the table a handful of days earlier. It led to thinking about how one day, she and Emma could be standing in that very place, exchanging their own vows in front of their loved ones, their family, and friends.

As the newlyweds exited the church and the guests followed in small groups, Regina lingered behind until Henry offered her his arm and she linked hers with his with a grateful smile. Zelena was not too far ahead of them and she stopped them before they stepped outside with an odd expression on her face.

“I hope it was Emma you were staring at like that the whole time, sis.”

“Excuse me?”

“With that doe-eyed expression, all puppy-dog like. It’d be adorable if you weren’t my sister.”

“No, I was staring longingly at David wishing it is I that was marrying him today,” Regina replied, sarcasm dripping from her tongue and making her bark out in laughter at the disgusted look that fell upon both Zelena and Henry’s faces. “Henry, do you know how to get to where the reception is being held?”

“Yeah, it’s not too far, can I--” Henry stopped short as Regina held out the key. “Sweet, thanks!”

Zelena just waved them off, hurrying down the stairs as she pulled out her phone from her purse and moved to stand next to the photographer to take a picture of Emma posing with David’s best man, who was August, surprisingly. Regina let Henry lead the way down the stairs, wincing as Mary Margaret yelled out at the photographer to wait and hurried over to them.

“We’re going to take pictures with everyone, Regina. Come,” Mary Margaret insisted as she tugged on the hand that wasn’t holding on to Henry’s arm. “We want everyone to be a part of our special day. Please?”

“Even me?” Henry asked. “I’m just her date.”

“Everyone, even you, Henry.”

Regina lingered, watching as the other guests fussed about, some women quickly assessing their makeup with small compact mirrors before everyone gathered on the steps of the church around the small wedding party and the newlyweds. Regina ended up standing just behind Emma, thanks to some clever maneuvering done by Henry and Zelena. It wasn’t as if she minded, really, and she reached out to gently place a hand on Emma’s back, just out of sight of the camera, and she smiled.

[X]

The reception was being held at the country club outside, not too far from the perennial gardens where more pictures were taken upon everyone’s arrival there not long after leaving the church. A large tent was set up with a dozen tables inside, complete with a small dance floor and a band that had set up off to the side.

When Regina first laid her eyes on Emma in the minutes before the newlyweds were due to arrive, the first thing she noticed was that Emma was no longer wearing the world’s most hideous dress. While it wasn’t a suit as she knew Emma wanted to wear, the dress she’d changed into for the reception was far better than the bridesmaid’s dress she’d been forced to wear before. This one was simple, almost, and a similar shade to Regina’s suit. She’d even let her hair down, curls tumbling down in waves over her shoulders and back.

Emma looked like a goddess and Regina was left completely mesmerized by the very sight of her.

Every minute that passed through the speeches that were given, each one felt longer than the last, and she counted down the endless minutes until she could just be with Emma, to dance with her, to be in her arms where she longed to be most.

After the speeches, a variety of hors d’oeuvres was served by three waiters that made their way around the small tables. It was a buffet-style reception, the hors d’oeuvres the exception and a prelude of sorts as they waited for the food to be laid out on the tables. Regina knew from hearing about the details of the wedding itself from David and from Emma that the reception would end fairly early as the newlyweds had a long drive to Boston ahead of them in order to catch their flight for their honeymoon by nine o’clock.

It was fairly low key for a wedding, but it was perfect in a lot of ways, too. The atmosphere hadn’t changed from what it’d felt like at the church, it had grown in fact, and it was just one continuous celebration of what Regina heard some other guests say a celebration of pure and true love.

After most of the guests went to the buffet tables to get their plates filled with food, Regina slipped inside the country club and headed for the bathroom. There were only three stalls inside the bathroom and luckily it was empty when she walked in. It allowed her a moment just to take a few much needed deep breaths to center herself again.

Every day, life would throw her for a loop in one way or another, and every day she would encounter moments that left her feeling overwhelmed. Not all of those moments that led there were dark or necessarily evil in a sense, and she was learning how to deal. One thing at a time. One day at a time.

She had barely slipped inside the stall furthest from the door when she heard it open quietly. She paused, staying just out of sight, watching Emma through the mirror over the single sink as she walked in. Did she know Regina was in there? Had she followed her in, sneaking away for a moment alone? From the huff that escaped past Emma lips and the pout that slid into place, it was clear that she didn’t know Regina was even in there.

“I didn’t know you’d be having a wardrobe change,” Regina drawled out teasingly as she leaned up against the open stall door and grinned. Emma turned around with a startled yelp and she placed a hand to her chest as she started to laugh. “I must say,” she continued as she took a step out of the stall, her eyes wandering over Emma’s body. “This is quite a step up from the last dress.”

“If only you knew how hard it was to convince Mary Margaret.”

“I can only imagine.”

“Did you get a chance to talk to Kathryn at all?” Emma asked excitedly. “Mary Margaret told me that she’s here with Ruby. As her  _date_.”

“Kathryn said they are just friends,” Regina replied, recalling her brief conversation with Kathryn at the church before everyone had left. “Are they just friends?” Regina asked, blinking in confusion because suddenly she wasn’t so sure either. “Emma?”

“I have no idea,” Emma said with a shrug. “All I know is after they got back from Tokyo, they’ve sure been spending a lot of time together.”

“Hmm, is that right?” Regina asked, half interested in the whole Kathryn and Ruby friendship that seemed far more than what met the eye, more interested in having her naughty little way with Emma.

Or at the very least get in a good, proper kiss, before they returned to the reception.

She wasn’t _that_ picky. She’d take whatever she could get, whenever she could get it.

They hadn’t spent nearly enough time together since she got out of the hospital and that was the main thing that was driving her completely bonkers. It was extremely distracting, really.

“Are you in a hurry?” Regina asked as she reached out for Emma’s hands and pulled her back into the stall she’d just stepped out of. “Can we have a minute alone?”

“Just a minute?” Emma chuckled. “Sure.”

“Come here, darling,” she murmured as she pushed the stall door shut and pulled Emma into her arms. “I’ve missed you.”

A gasp escaped past her lips as Emma suddenly pressed her up against the door, making it slam a little hard against the frame. Her heart was pounding hard and fast, the thought of being caught at any moment a thrill within itself.

“I missed you too,” Emma whispered. “I’m sorry. I--”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I do,” she said and she ran her fingers up the lapels of Regina’s blazer. “I feel like we should’ve spent more time together this week. We’ve barely seen each other.”

“You’ve been working. It’s all right, Emma. You are the sheriff,” she said and licked over her lips as she watched the way Emma trembled at the way she said ‘sheriff’. “You have to be committed to your job. I understand that. I do. I’ll take even just a minute or two if we have to steal it.”

“Is it really stealing it if I followed you in here?”

“So you _did_ follow me in here?”

“Maybe?” Emma laughed. “We’re wasting our stolen minute by talking about it. Either we’re incredibly dumb or I misread all the signs I was getting all day from you.”

“You definitely did not misread anything.”

“Damn.”

Regina chuckled lowly as she ran her hands over Emma’s bare shoulders and along the straps of her dress. “It’s too bad you changed,” she said. “I was quite looking forward to literally ripping that dress off of you later.”

Emma bit her bottom lip and groaned. “Fuck,” she murmured and she smoothed her hand up along the lapel of Regina’s blazer, pressing her palm firmly against Regina’s left breast along the way. “I can always put it back on later so you can do that, or you can just rip this one off instead?”

“I quite like this one,” Regina said as nonchalantly as she could muster. “You look cute.”

“Cute?” Emma laughed. “I’m sexy and you know it, baby!”

“Yes, yes, you are.”

“Not nearly as sexy as you,” Emma whispered as she leaned in, her lips just a hairsbreadth away. “From the moment that I first saw you, you took my breath away.”

“When was that? At the house or at the church?”

“Every time I see you, you take my breath away.”

The words and Emma’s smile made her heart flutter. She was grinning as she slipped a hand around to the nape of Emma’s neck and pulled her in for a deep kiss. She groaned as Emma’s hands slid around her hips and over the curve of her ass, pulling her hips hard into hers as they kissed languidly, lips moving slowly, tongues swirling, flicking, teasing.

Emma was the first to moan as she deftly slipped a thigh between Regina’s legs, the skirt of her dress loose enough to allow her to move freely. She grunted in frustration against Regina’s lips, her hands suddenly moving away from Regina’s body as she pulled back from the kiss. Regina just looked into Emma’s eyes, her breath coming in hard and fast.

Regina languidly trailed her hands over Emma’s shoulders and down her sides before she grabbed the soft material of her dress and pulled up the skirt, bunching it around her thighs. She pulled Emma back in by her hips, their lips crushing together almost desperately. She slipped a thigh between Emma’s legs as one of Emma’s settled between hers once again, and she rolled her hips down, grinding her core against Emma’s thigh.

Her back hit the side of the stall hard, but neither stopped, hands grasping desperately as they kissed hard, the desperation of wanting and needing one another coming to fruition quickly. Arousal coursed its way through Regina’s body blindingly hot and she moaned as Emma slipped a hand between their bodies and cupped her over her pants.

Another moan escaped as Emma sucked on her bottom lip, her fingers persistent, skimming over her mound through the material of her pants, her panties growing wet with every subtle pass over her throbbing clit. She moved a hand back up to the nape of Emma’s neck, keeping her right where she was and kissed her deeply once more. When Emma cupped her, possessive-like, she let out a feral sound that surprised them both, but they didn’t stop. It was almost as if they _couldn’t_ stop.

The thrill of being caught was fogging Regina’s mind and it was the reason she wasn’t quite putting a stop to things at all. She wanted more, she needed more. She wanted to feel Emma’s fingers slipping over her without the barrier of clothes in the way. She wanted Emma to feel how wet she had made her in such a short period of time and she wanted Emma to give her that release she’d been craving for far longer than she cared to admit.

“Touch me,” Emma whispered shakily, her voice filled with pure erotic desire. “Please.”

“Emma--”

“Please,” she pleaded as she grabbed a hold of Regina’s left hand and began to guide it up her bare thigh. “God, Regina, I just need you to touch me.”

“Here? Right now?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone can walk in.”

Emma laughed throatily and then a moan elicited past her lips as Regina lightly trailed her fingers along the inside of her thigh. She could feel the heat coming from her center and it was driving her wild, sending her arousal through the roof, and all reason right out the damn window.

With every tantalizing inch she got closer to Emma’s core, she took one step forward and then another until she had Emma pressed up against the opposite stall wall. Emma groaned as her back hit it a little too hard and Regina teasingly ran a single finger along her slit over her panties that were drenched right through. She trembled, a gush of her own arousal seeping out into her ruined panties and she pressed a little harder, drawing out the most delicious moan past Emma’s kiss-swollen lips.

She pulled up at the skirt of Emma’s dress a little more, pushing it further up on her hips before she deftly slipped her fingers under the side of her panties. Emma was never one to be quiet and time had not changed that, but they could be caught at any moment, and Regina wasn’t ready for their few minutes alone to be over yet. She kissed Emma hard, silencing her moans and slicked her fingers over Emma’s slit teasingly.

Her head was dizzy with thoughts, thoughts of dropping to her knees and replacing her fingers with her tongue on Emma’s wet cunt. She wanted to tease Emma to the brink of orgasm, over and over again until she finally let her cum. She wanted to taste her straight from the source, that heady, salty taste that would coat her lips and tongue.

She knew she couldn’t. Not there. Not in a stall in the bathroom at the country club during David and Mary Margaret’s wedding.

Instead, she slipped her middle finger inside of Emma, kissing her harder to swallow her delicious moans one by one. She withdrew her finger slowly and pulled back from Emma’s lips with a sly smile and lifted her finger to her mouth, greedily wrapping her lips over the tip to take a taste.

Emma’s head fell back against the stall as she exhaled a soft, “Fuck.” It was enough to spur Regina on and she slipped her fingers back between their bodies and under the tight confines of Emma’s panties.

It was enough of a taste to drive her wild with lust. She was wound up tightly, like a spring, about to uncoil at the very first touch. She shook in anticipation, her body feeling flush and tight as she felt Emma’s fingers fumbling around the waist of her pants searching out for the zipper that was at the side. They were both breathing heavily, foreheads now pressed together as Regina slowly thrust her finger inside of Emma’s cunt, the palm of her hand pressed hard against her clit. At the sound of the zipper being slid down, Regina stilled her fingers and bit her bottom lip.

“Fuck,” Emma murmured and Regina had to keep from laughing at the lack of vocabulary coming from Emma in the last handful of minutes. “I need you, baby.”

“I need you, too. Touch me,” Regina implored. “Please, Emma.”

“Are you wet?” Emma whispered, her hand sliding inside Regina’s pants and past the waistband of her panties ever so slowly. “Fuck,” she groaned as her fingers slipped lower and over Regina’s folds. “You’re so wet, baby.”

Regina pulled Emma back in for another desperate kiss, words failing her as she let her heightened arousal consume her whole. Slow became nonexistent as Emma swirled her fingertips over Regina’s throbbing, swollen clit, pushing her to the brink quickly. She thrust a second finger inside of Emma and timed each thrust to the delicious roll of Emma’s fingers against her.

Emma was close. Her walls were tightening around Regina’s fingers with every deep, hard thrust. Though the angle was awkward and the tight confines of Emma’s panties made it hard to move the way she needed to, she didn’t stop. She wasn’t going to stop until Emma finally came undone.

Emma wasn’t the first. Regina had already been so very close and it truly didn’t take much to send her over the edge quickly. Her body quaked and she didn’t still her fingers as she kissed Emma hard, both swallowing the other’s moans in a futile attempt to stay quiet. She gripped tight onto Emma’s shoulder with her right hand, her short nails digging hard into Emma’s skin as her knees threatened to give out as her orgasm thundered through her body, starting off as little earthquakes before it let go completely.

Regina exhaled sharply, her fingers still thrusting inside of Emma hard and fast, encouraging her to let go. Emma was teetering on the edge, unable to let go. Whether it was because she was holding back or because of something else, it just made Regina growl in frustration. Still, she persisted, staring deep into Emma’s eyes as she curled her fingers inside of her and ground the palm of her hand harder against Emma’s clit she could feel just absolutely throbbing.

“Regina…”

“Yes, my darling?” she whispered. “Come on, you’re close. Let go.”

“I--”

“Emma, let go,” she implored softly.

“Fuck, I--” Emma gasped as Regina suddenly stopped and withdrew her hand quickly before she dropped to her knees and all but yanked Emma’s white panties down her legs quickly. “Fuck, Regina, you--god!”

She shushed Emma, kissing up along the inside of her thighs quickly and snaked her tongue out along her folds and through her slit, getting that taste straight from the source she’d been craving since the thought crossed her mind earlier. She looked up at Emma, pausing just for a second as Emma’s hands went to the top of the stall wall and gripped onto it tightly to keep her balance. She pushed at Emma’s thighs, but her panties around her knees restricted her movement and Regina tugged them down past her ankles, removing them completely.

A smirk danced over her lips as she pocketed the panties in her blazer and she nudged at Emma’s thighs with her hands once more, diving in as she lifted one leg up and over her shoulder. She spread Emma’s lips with her thumbs, her tongue flat against her, drinking her in. With one more swipe along her whole cunt, she wrapped her lips around Emma’s clit and sucked the nub between her lips, her teeth grazing over it gently.

Regina closed her eyes, focusing solely on Emma, on her release. Her hand gripped tight onto the leg she had draped over her shoulder and with the other, she teased a single fingertip into Emma’s hole, slipping it into the warm depths as she laved her tongue over her clit hungrily.

Emma’s legs shook, the one around Regina’s shoulder, gripping her tight. Regina opened her eyes and looked up at her face, teasing her, eliciting those desperate little gasps and groans past Emma’s lips she loved to hear most, suddenly not caring that anyone could walk in at any given moment. The only thing she could care about in that very moment was Emma reaching her peak, finally, and letting go, letting that orgasm flood through her like wildfire.

“Regina. Regina,” Emma murmured her name over and over. “God, Regina…”

Emma was also so beautiful, Regina had always known that, but she was a pure, sexual goddess when she was on the brink of orgasm. It was enough to stir Regina’s arousal deep in her core once more, and she nuzzled her face into Emma’s cunt, gasping for breath, inhaling the raw, heady scent of her before she plunged her tongue inside her.

She was quick to grasp onto Emma’s hips as they bucked against her face. She held her as steady as she could manage, languidly licking over Emma’s quaking cunt as her orgasm flooded through her. Emma had a hand clamped over her mouth in an attempt to still her moans, her _screams_.

Oh, Regina could tease Emma for hours, and she planned to, just not there. Not now. Tempting but she’d given into that temptation already. She wasn’t going to take it any further. Oh, the things she had planned for when they had more than just a few stolen moments together.

After one last teasing lick, Regina slowly rose to her feet, her eyes lingering on Emma’s bare cunt with her dress bunched up around her waist. She moaned, licking her lips in pure wanton desire. With much reluctance, she eased the dress down past Emma’s hips as their eyes met. Emma released the vice grip she had on the top of the stall and moved her fingers around, laughing lightly at the stiffness of them.

“Jesus,” she whispered. “Did we really just--?”

“Yes,” Regina said and a small giggle escaped past her lips, lips that still tasted purely of Emma Swan. It made her arousal stir around inside her a little more. “Mm,” she sighed out as she leaned in closer to Emma’s lips. “I want more.”

“Would it be bad if we just left right now?”

“Yes.” Regina leaned back to study the look on Emma’s face, one mixed with lust and contemplation. “We’ve already been gone for more than just a few minutes.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed and she slipped her hand over Regina’s shoulder and over the collar of her blazer before her fingers danced lightly over her bare neck. “Guess we should uh, head back, yeah?”

“I need to freshen up first.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed again softly. “Save me a dance?”

“I believe you are supposed to save one for me, darling.”

“First song after the first dance, you’re mine.”

“All yours,” Regina murmured. “Come find me.”

“I will.”

Emma pressed her lips lightly to Regina’s, a kiss Regina knew was meant to be quick, but she gripped tight onto Emma’s hips and slipped her tongue past Emma’s lips. She didn’t let the kiss linger, sensing an odd sense of urgency in Emma, and she broke the kiss with a smile and wiped at the lipstick smudged on Emma’s skin.

She stood back as Emma exited the stall, albeit on shaky legs, and watched as she walked over to the sink. She washed her hands and fixed her makeup and hair quickly, turning to look back at Regina with a salacious smile dancing over her lips and a wink, a wordless promise of what would come later.

Regina stayed behind to freshen up, her lipstick gone entirely, her hair a mess, a thoroughly satisfied look firmly in place. She walked out of the bathroom five minutes after Emma and returned outside to the tent, slipping into her seat at the table as the band just started to introduce the first dance.

And much like before at the church, Regina just could not take her eyes off of Emma as she sat at the head table and watched David and Mary Margaret share their first dance as a married couple. Regina’s smile grew, her thoughts swarming into dangerous territory once more as she slipped a hand inside her blazer pocket and wrapped her fingers around Emma’s panties she’d put in there before.

She almost trembled in desire at what would come later that evening, choosing not to think of the very real possibility that they wouldn’t be able to steal the night for themselves. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could wait and what happened in the bathroom between them had been inevitable after the week they’d just been through.

“You okay?” Henry whispered as he leaned over towards her.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to dance with Mom?”

“Yes,” she smiled. “She promised me the first dance after this one.”

“Well, as your date, I’m requesting the second dance,” he said with a quiet laugh. “After the first dozen or so songs you guys dance to together first, obviously.”

“I don’t think your mother’s date will allow that,” she whispered as she nodded over at the table where Zelena was sitting. “Can we add a mission to Operation Woo Mom?”

“Of course. What do you need me to do?”

“Distract your aunt,” Regina said. “Do whatever it takes.”

“How?”

“Ask her to dance with you.”

“Are you crazy?!” Henry asked and he winced as a few people looked over at him, his voice heard over the music playing. “She gets handsy!” He buried his face into his hands and then sighed dramatically. “Fine, but only because I don’t want this operation to fail.”

They settled back in their seats and watched as the newlyweds finished their first dance while lovingly staring into one another’s eyes. The first dance transitioned into the couple dancing with their parents, Mary Margaret dancing with Marco as both her parents had long since passed. It brought tears to Regina’s eyes because the realization dawned on her that she would not be able to dance with her father at her own wedding one day.

As some of the guests started to join them on the dance floor, Regina helplessly wiped at the tears that kept on falling with a napkin, unable to see past the blur. She felt a lump rise in her throat in the seconds before a hand fell upon her shoulders. Her body started to buzz as she knew it was Emma and she turned to her as Emma sat down in the now empty seat beside her and pulled her into her arms in a warm embrace.

“Hey,” Emma whispered. “Baby, look at me,” she urged as she used two fingers to tilt Regina’s chin up. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Regina replied, her lips trembling as Emma took the napkin from her hands and lifted it to gently dab at her tears.

“Can I have that dance now?”

“Emma, I’m hardly in a state to dance right now.”

“You look beautiful,” she smiled at her. “So beautiful.” Emma pulled the chair to sit a little closer and continued to catch the tears with the napkin as they continued to fall. She swallowed hard as Emma leaned her forehead against hers. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

The words came so easily. So readily.

And they felt so right.

Regina let Emma lead the way from the table to the dance floor, her tears subsiding with every step that they took, every beat of the next song the band started playing. They fell into place within one another’s arms, swaying to the music, lost within each other.

For once, she allowed herself to become lost within the daydream that took over her thoughts. She wondered what their wedding would be like, what song they’d have for their first dance together as wives. She thought about what they would wear, to what their vows might be like, and she thought about how it would feel to see Emma for the very first time before she took her as her wife.

Her heart felt so full and the feeling of being loved so deeply the way that she could feel that Emma loved her, it was a good sense of overwhelming, and it brought more tears out, tears of joy. Of happiness.

She always knew, from the very first moment she laid her eyes on Emma Swan on that rainy day that this was going to be the woman she would spend the rest of her life with.

She’d nearly lost that chance once already. She was damned if she’d ever let that happen ever again.

If Emma didn’t propose to her, she would be the one asking Emma to marry her.

And soon.

[X]

It was after four when the newlyweds departed in the old pickup truck to make the drive to the airport to start their honeymoon. Emma had barely left Regina’s side since their first dance and though the rest of the reception was quite short, they hadn’t had a chance to sneak away alone as they had before.

All the guests started to leave once David’s truck pulled out of the parking lot. It went without saying that Emma was going home with Regina as she followed Regina through the parking lot, trying to keep up in the heels she was wearing and failing miserably.

“Maybe we should just go back to my place instead of yours?” Emma said and she stopped to pull off her heels with a frustrated grunt. “I’m on call tonight.”

“Oh.” There was nothing to keep the disappointment in Regina’s voice from slipping out. The frown that settled into place was quickly kissed away. “Why didn’t you tell me you were on call tonight?”

“It slipped my mind, I’m sorry,” Emma said quickly. “Guess all we can hope is that it’s a quiet night, huh?” She laughed awkwardly. “Let’s just go back to my place--”

“What about Henry?” Regina questioned. “I doubt you’ll want him within earshot with what I have in store for you tonight, darling.”

“Okay, for one, that’s gross,” Henry said as he came around the side of the vehicle, startling them both. “Two, I was just about to come and ask you if I can go stay at the house with Zee and Robyn and Grandma tonight, _far_ away from you two. Can I?”

“Yes,” Emma said immediately. “Go.”

“Jeez, Mom, if you wanted me out of the house so badly, you could just unground me, you know that, right?” Henry laughed and he shuddered. “Don’t worry, no surprise early morning visits this time. Uh, just text me when it’s safe for me to come home. Bye!”

“You’re still grounded, kid!” Emma called out to him. “Did I really sound that desperate to get him out of the house for the night?”

Regina laughed. “Yes.”

“Worth it even if it further traumatized him for life, as he would say,” Emma chuckled and she reached out to open the driver’s door for Regina with a flourish and once Regina climbed inside, she hurried around to the other side and got in.

The drive to the Swan house wasn’t long and Regina couldn’t help but notice how exhausted Emma still looked. Each yawn that came out was longer and longer. The poor woman was overworked, overtired, and in desperate need of a good nights sleep. It shifted the mood almost completely, and though she felt a lingering shred of disappointment, she knew what Emma needed most that night and that was sleep.

Everything else could wait. It had to, for Emma’s sake.

Regina sighed as she pulled up into the driveway and parked. She looked over at Emma and frowned as she saw that Emma had all but fallen asleep slumped up against the door with her head on the window. Gently she shook her awake, smiling when Emma groaned in confusion.

“Did I just fall asleep?”

“You did,” Regina replied and pressed the clip to unbuckle Emma’s seatbelt. “Come, let’s get you inside and into bed.”

“It’s early and I’m on call, I can’t fall asleep, Regina.”

“Yes, you can and you will,” she said. “Don’t you go and get stubborn and bull-headed with me now, Emma Swan.”

Emma didn’t protest further, a deep yawn slipping out before they got out of the vehicle and headed for the side door, Emma practically dead on her feet as she carried her shoes in one hand and fumbled with her clutch with the other.

Regina eased the small clutch from Emma’s hands and pulled out her keys. She unlocked the door as Emma linked an arm through hers and she led Emma inside and straight to the bedroom. She walked over to the window the draw the drapes shut, and when she turned, she could only pause to watch as Emma all but collapsed face first onto the bed in her dress.

“Regina?” Emma whispered tiredly as Regina gently eased the zipper down the back of her dress. “What did you have in store for tonight?”

“Many things,” she replied, her eyes lingering on Emma’s back as she reached for the straps to ease them over her shoulders. “It’s all right, all of those things can wait, my darling. You need to get a good night’s sleep.”

“It’s too early.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said gently as Emma moved to sit up, making it just a little bit easier for Regina to get her out of her dress, baring all as she wore nothing underneath. A salacious smile danced over Regina’s lips at the thought of Emma’s panties that were still in her blazer pocket.

“Can you stay anyway?” Emma asked, moving to lay back on the bed as she blindly grabbed for the sheet. “Will you stay?”

“Yes, I will stay.”

“Can you--” Emma motioned to the spot on the bed beside her. “Just until I fall asleep?”

“I’ll stay for longer than that, my love.”

Regina carefully hung up the dress in the closet before she stripped out of her clothes, removing her bra and leaving her panties on before she slipped into bed beside Emma under the light sheet she had draped over her naked body. Emma sighed contently as Regina curled up beside her and slipped a hand over her stomach on top of the sheet. Though she wasn’t tired, she felt her eyes start to close as she listened to the steady and soft sounds of Emma’s breath.

It had been a long day and it was far from over yet, and Regina could feel the mounting exhaustion begin to tire her out too. Her thoughts were keeping her from falling into a peaceful slumber with Emma, but they were peaceful thoughts, ones she listened to with her whole heart and into the depths of her soul.

Love was supposed to feel like this, like it felt with Emma. Complete.

It had already started to feel far different than it ever had in the past, those very same feelings no longer ones she was trying to run away from because that was the last thing she wanted. She was supposed to be working on the selfishness that had consumed her and transformed her whole life for far too long, but she thought this was an exception.

It was all right to be selfish when it came to love.

Especially when it came to having a second chance that Regina was beginning to realize had truly been inevitable. It would’ve come, one way or another, because if there was one thing she was sure about in this world and in her tumulus life, it was that she was meant to be with Emma.

And she would never ever doubt or question that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go! Please don't forget to leave a comment, it would be much appreciated after sharing this labour of love with you all!


	50. Chapter 50

The weeks that followed David and Mary Margaret’s wedding, and that led up to Henry’s sixteenth birthday, were surprisingly quiet and calm. Normal, in the way that normal began to be for all of them now that Regina was back there in Storybrooke and had her family and her love back in her life fully.

Each day came with its own set of challenges, ones she faced head on and with courage, with strength, with perseverance. There was always the hidden force of determination driven by the sheer will to move forward in her life, to leave all that belonged in the past where it was. Each day came with a new set of memories to take forward, to build upon, just as every new day brought along its share of surprises, too.

Two days after the wedding and the first day Emma had off in weeks, they spent it together lazing about in Regina’s bed, making love for hours upon hours until they were both sated and spent. Emma brought the ring that day, much to Regina’s surprise and mounting anticipation. It had happened so simply, too, in the way Emma so very casually pulled the ring out of the pocket of her jeans she’d picked up off the floor.

_“I have never stopped loving you from the moment I met you. This, this isn’t a proposal, not really, but more of a promise. A promise to you that I will love you forever, that I will love you as much as I have since the day I first met you, more and more so as the years go by. Will you be mine, Regina Mills?”_

_“Always.”_

It was probably a good thing that Henry wasn’t there that day. They lost themselves within one another, and there were sounds that fell past Emma’s lips that Regina had never heard before, but did not stop trying to coax out every chance she got afterward.

Her time was divided between Emma, Emma and Henry, and finding her own little path in the thing called life and going wherever it took her. She spent every morning in Dr. Hopper’s office for their hour-long sessions. From there she went to the stables to take care of her father’s beloved horse, to ride the beautiful golden Arabian mare around the trails until just after lunch. Afterward, it varied on the day on where she went from the stables--and after she’d showered and changed. Some days she met Emma either at the station or at the diner for a late lunch while Emma was on duty, other days she spent time with her niece and Henry whether it be in town or there at her house as they endlessly begged her to buy a couple of ATV’s so they could properly explore the many acres of land on her property.

Every couple of days, she went to visit her mother, partially because she felt obligated to try and make up for all the years lost, partly too because she found it actually enjoyable to spend time with her mother when she wasn’t actively fighting to form a real and lasting relationship with her.

Even if there were moments when Regina was about ready to throttle her for something she’d said or done that ate away at her last nerve.

Her relationship with her mother was proving to be the hardest of them all, but she was determined to find a middle ground somewhere between them because, like everyone else, Cora was a big part of her life once again and in ways that were far different than anything she had known before. She found that the more time she spent with her mother, especially now that she’d been sober for a few weeks herself, the more she found they were a lot more alike than she would otherwise like to admit.

Maybe that was one of the many reasons it’d been so hard for them to get along for most of Regina’s life. They were far too much alike and with tempers to match.

Her mother turned out to be the biggest supporter of her relationship with Emma. It wasn’t really much of a surprise, she’d heard plenty of it when she’d first come back. It was a refreshing change from the way things had been before, from having to hide and lie about almost everything because she was afraid of what her mother would think and ultimately, what she would do.

Building a relationship with her mother, one far different than anything either had known before, was far easier than she initially thought. It didn’t lead to spending more time together, but it did lead to more phone conversations, random ones, on days Regina didn’t see her at all.

The main topic of the majority of their conversations was Emma, more specifically, when they were going to get married even though they both were very adamant that the ring Emma had given to Regina was not an engagement ring.

It was, though, in its own way, but they’d chosen not to call it anything else other than a promise and one they’d made to each other that night Emma slipped that ring on her finger and sealed it with a kiss.

Cora never said it and she didn’t have to for Regina to know she was fuming mad, not that Emma had given the ring to Regina or even for the fact that her husband had given his mother’s ring to Emma in the first place, but because she’d always wanted the ring for herself. It didn’t keep her from being happy for both of them, however, but Regina was very careful not to flaunt the ring too much in front of her mother for that very reason.

Life had fallen into a very different pattern and routine, but the slow pace of it all is what set Regina at ease for the first time in a very long time. Years of stress that had built up with the numerous difficult clients she’d had, it all started to come away a little bit every day. Every day she worked on the guilt that had spent over a decade building up inside of her, and every day, it felt a little less heavier. Every day she worked on learning how to live again and how to love herself every step of the way.

It wasn’t an easy battle, but it was far easier than the ones she faced trying to run from her demons before.

There would be easy days and hard days, days that were going to feel impossible. It was important for her to take things one day at a time. Anything more was just a little too much all at once to handle. Most people in recovery were advised not to embark on any new relationships for the first year sober. Regina wasn’t most people, her issues rooted deep in quite the opposite direction of what she had now. Family. Love and support. Learning how to let that into her life because apart from Emma, it was all new to her.

Zelena, on the other hand, was still a challenge. One she suspected would always be there for far too many other reasons to mention, many of which went far back to the early years of Regina’s life.

It was easier to be Zelena’s friend than to be her sister at first until she felt comfortable around her again. To let her _in_ again, or really for the first time, in a way. It was a slow progress because Zelena was tolerable at best on good days.

Still, it wasn’t long before Regina fell into the family’s pace, too. Dinner every few days, the occasional breakfast or lunch with everyone there or just about. Shopping trips and days at the beach, horseback rides and picnic’s, it all just became this life Regina now called her own.

Proudly so.

The morning of the day before Henry’s birthday, Regina headed into town for her morning therapy session with Dr. Hopper. Afterward, she picked up everything she needed to bake Henry’s cake they’d be having after a compromised family lunch. It was a long story and a compromise born out of a deal Henry and Emma made over him not being grounded anymore and spending his birthday with his family only, not his friends like he wanted to.

The family would get lunch and a good portion of the afternoon, the rest of the day reserved to celebrate with his friends with a bonfire on the beach. In return, his grounding would end at exactly 12:01am on the day of his birthday.

Emma and Henry had been staying with Regina more often than not, so it almost went without saying that they would be there for Henry’s birthday. Regina went ahead and invited the rest of the family over, or at least people they considered to be their family now. Cora, Zelena, Robyn, David and Mary Margaret, Marco, and Zelena’s yappy little dog that Regina actually didn’t mind so much anymore. Kathryn was also invited and she’d asked to bring along a date. The fact that it was Ruby went without saying, their budding romance no longer a secret, then again it never really was one to begin with.

With enough food to feed the family and then some, Regina returned home just before noon, expecting to return to an empty house as Emma was working and Henry had gotten himself a couple of jobs he was determined to finish early that day. She was pleasantly surprised to pull up into the driveway to see the sheriff’s cruiser parked beside the house.

Regina was in no hurry to unload the bags of groceries and headed into the house to put everything away, expecting to find Emma in the kitchen eating last night’s leftovers she’d conveniently forgotten to take with her for lunch when she left earlier that morning. The kitchen was empty, the small container was empty and sitting in the rack beside the sink drying with Emma nowhere to be found.

Emma had made that house home, two drawers in the tall dresser in Regina’s room filled with some of her clothes along with some empty hangers where some of her work shirts had hung and now lay in the hamper in the bathroom needing to be washed. Henry had some of his things there too, a few drawers in the room furthest away from the master, his Xbox hooked up to the television in the living room, and an extra pair of shoes sat at the back door still caked in mud from the last excursion he’d taken around the property on his bike with Robyn the other day.

Asking Emma and Henry to move in had crossed her mind a lot, but things seemed to work out well as they were now, and nobody seemed to mind the back and forth.

Regina had some of her things at Emma’s house, too.

It just went without saying that it was something they were doing now and it felt perfectly normal. It felt just right for right now.

Once she had the groceries put away and the cloth bags folded neatly, she washed her hands in the sink and that’s when she found Emma out in the backyard in between the two trees with a toolbox laid out and a hammock.

Regina was really hoping she’d forgotten about her hammock idea from weeks ago. She hadn’t. It had been on back-order and Emma had been eagerly awaiting its arrival by courier. Now that Emma had it, Regina really wasn’t surprised that she was there setting it up when she should be working. She was on duty, the town needed its sheriff doing her job, not setting up a hammock in her girlfriend’s yard.

She took a moment just to watch Emma lay out the hammock, the tools, and all the pieces meticulously. Halfway through pulling everything out of the box the hammock had come in, she stopped to remove her gun belt and unbuttoned her gray shirt she then folded over the back of one of the patio chairs she’d pulled over. In just her jeans and her white tank top, she picked up the instructions before wiping at her sweaty brow with the back of her hand.

While she was enjoying the show from afar, up close and a little more personal would be much more satisfying. She grabbed two cold bottles of water from the refrigerator and headed out into the yard. The sight of Emma’s bare arms with her skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat under the hot August sun was getting Regina all hot and bothered.

“This is definitely a two-person job, isn’t it?” Emma muttered, somehow not having noticed Regina yet as she was too preoccupied with the instruction booklet. “Crap. Okay. This can’t be too hard, right? I mean it’s just a hammock. Hang one end on one tree, hang the other end on--Regina!”

Emma’s shriek was enough to make Regina’s ears ring. She just started to laugh as Emma dropped the instruction booklet to the ground and ran her hands over her head and tightened her ponytail.

“How long have you been home?”

“A little while,” Regina replied. “I see your hammock came in.”

“ _Your_ hammock came in,” Emma grinned. “I was hoping to surprise you. I knew you were in town doing a few errands. I kind of hoped to have it all set up before you got back though so uh, surprise?”

“Do you need any help, darling?”

Emma sighed in relief. “Yes, thank you,” she said and picked up the instructions. “You’d think it’d be simple, right?” she rambled on. Regina just smiled and nodded before handing over one of the bottles of water. “Thanks. I’m getting kind of parched. It’s pretty hot out here today, huh?”

“Yes, it is,” Regina chuckled. “You look like you need something stronger than water.”

“Definitely didn’t have enough coffee this morning, that’s for sure,” Emma replied.

“Would you like me to make you some coffee?”

“Nah, I’ll get some later when I get back to the station. Maybe just grab that end and I’ll get this one. We’ll see if it fits first before I put the chains up around the trunks?”

“All right.”

“It’s heavy.”

“I am not a weakling.”

“I know you aren’t,” Emma said with a smirk. “But it _is_ heavy. For a hammock.”

“Are you sure it’s going to fit?” Regina asked as she looked down at the hammock and the ropes that were supposed to attach to each tree trunk. “It doesn’t look like it’ll fit.”

“Marco said this one would. I really hope he’s right. Waited long enough for it. Let’s just try it, okay?”

Regina tossed her bottle of water down onto the grass that Henry had just cut two days ago for her. Emma downed half of hers before she too tossed it on the ground and they both picked up each end of the hammock, moving it as close to the middle in between the two trees as they could by eyeballing it. After Emma showed her how to lift up the ropes and where they’d need to be positioned on the tree trunk, they lifted it together. Emma was right, it was heavy for a hammock, but Regina was far too distracted by watching Emma’s arms flexing, stretching, and bending to think about the burn in her own arms that was borderline painful. She might not be a weakling, but she wasn’t exactly strong, either.

It took a few small adjustments before Emma decided it was positioned right. They worked together to wrap the chains around the trees and to clasp them together at what Emma declared to be the right height. Since Regina didn’t have a clue about hammocks or hanging them, she just smiled and nodded, going along with it and following every instruction Emma gave her.

She was still very distracted in her ogling of Emma’s strong arms. It was a nice distraction and one that led to some very naughty thoughts, ones she had to push right back out again because there was no way any of them could come to fruition until much, much later that day when Emma was finally off-duty.

It took a few tries for them to get the hammock up and secured to each tree. Emma’s constant grunts of frustration were only serving to add to the naughty thoughts swarming in Regina’s head. She stood back and watched as Emma took a step back to admire their handiwork with a satisfied smile as the hammock swung lightly in the soft breeze. Emma turned to her and motioned to the hammock with a smile, encouraging her to go over and give it a try.

Regina was skeptical. She was also a little worried that if she got on that thing that she would end up crashing down onto the hard ground.

“You were so insistent that I have one, Emma, you try it out first,” she said as she shook her head no when Emma tried to reach out for her hand. “Go on.”

“It’s _your_ housewarming gift, Regina, even if it is a few weeks too late.”

“What if it breaks?”

Emma laughed. “It’s not going to break, Regina,” she insisted. She sighed and grabbed ahold of Regina’s hand. “Fine. How about we do it together? That way if it does break, we’ll both bust our asses on the ground together, yeah?”

Regina shook her head with a deep frown, staying firm in her decision to not try the hammock out. Though, she had to admit it and only to herself, the hammock did look like it would be very comfortable.

Emma let go of her hand and took a few deep breaths before she walked over to the side of the hammock and pressed down on the middle. With a satisfied nod, Emma tentatively sat down on the edge and laughed when nothing happened. The hammock didn’t send her crashing down to the ground as Regina had falsely predicted. Emma was grinning widely and she patted the spot next to her with one hand while reaching out towards Regina with the other.

“You are very persistent, aren’t you?”

“Have you just met me?” Emma chuckled. “Come on, it’s fine, Regina.”

“Don’t you have to be heading back to the station now?”

“I have time.”

“It’s quite a drive.” Regina was deflecting. They both knew it.

“It’s barely ten minutes if I use the siren,” Emma said with a wink. “One of the many perks of being the sheriff.”

“That’s an abuse of power, Emma.”

“No one needs to know. Come on, Regina. Humor me for a minute here, please? Just sit and we’ll lay back for a minute, and if you hate it, I can take it back and ask Marco to exchange it for something else, something _boring_ like one of those Adirondack chairs I know you absolutely _love_.”

“I hate those chairs,” Regina deadpanned. “They hurt my back. They’re also ugly.”

“Please, Regina?” Emma asked with a pout firmly in place, damn well knowing Regina could absolutely not resist the pout. “Just sit down with me for one minute? Thirty seconds?”

“I don’t remember you ever being so…tenacious before,” Regina muttered under her breath before she moved to lower herself onto the hammock beside Emma. “Did that tenaciousness of yours come before or after you landed the job as the sheriff, hmm?”

“Somewhere around the middle,” Emma replied, chuckling as she put an arm around Regina’s middle to pull her onto the hammock completely. The instant her feet left the sturdy surface of the ground, she let out a shriek and the hammock started to sway. “Not so bad, huh?”

“Emma!” Regina squealed as Emma pulled her back until they both were lying back on the hammock in the middle. “Not so bad? This is supposed to be relaxing? I feel as if I am about to fall to my death any moment now!”

“Have you always been this overdramatic, or did this happen before or after you became a kick-ass lawyer?”

“You are an idiot. Unhand me at once.”

“Or what?” Emma asked as she turned on her side, effectively pinning them into the hammock together, Regina’s threats having zero effect on her. “What are you going to do, Regina? Leave? Hmm? You try to get out, you’ll flip us out, and we’ll both end up on our asses for real.”

Regina let out a growl, but she wasn’t mad or upset, she was just frustrated and being so close to Emma, feeling almost her whole body leaning into hers as they laid sideways on the hammock with their legs dangling off the edge, it just set her off. She couldn’t have stopped herself from what happened next even if she had tried, and quite frankly, kissing Emma Swan was so much better than fighting it. She reached out and grabbed onto the front of Emma’s tank top and pulled her in for a fierce kiss.

It was hungry, it was deep and full of unadulterated passion that left them absolutely breathless when they parted a few minutes later. Emma traced her fingertips along Regina’s jaw as she smiled lovingly at her. She licked over her bottom lip and wiggled her eyebrows just before she leaned in to capture Regina’s lips in another powerful kiss.

Her heart was racing wildly as Emma ran a hand along her side, her fingertips just skimming along the curve of her breast. Teasing. Testing the water, so to speak. It was how it always started between them, with a kiss and a touch. All she could do was lean into Emma’s touch and placed a hand over Emma’s, a silent gesture telling her that it was all right, that she wanted it, too.

Emma subtly and carefully managed to maneuver them in the hammock so they were laying in it together properly and not sideways with their legs hanging over the edge. It was a feat within itself as they almost tipped over twice. They were giggling throughout it all and in between kisses. Regina wrapped her arms around Emma, pulling her nearly flush on top of her before she reached up to push aside some of the hair that had fallen loose from Emma’s ponytail.

Just for a moment, Regina forgot how close they were to falling out of the hammock, they’d nearly almost done just that a few times moving to lay as they were now. She stared longingly into Emma’s eyes and reveled in the feel of the hammock swaying side to side and the weight of Emma on top of her. She smiled as she ran her hands down Emma’s back, stopping when her hands reached where her shirt was tucked into her tight jeans. With a few tugs, she pulled the hem of the top free and Emma smirked, her eyes darkening with lust as she none too subtly slipped a leg between Regina’s thighs.

“So,” Regina drawled out as her fingertips danced along the smooth skin of Emma’s lower back. “Don’t you have to be getting back now, Sheriff Swan?”

“I’m on my break.”

Regina laughed. “Quite a long break, hmm?” she said teasingly, her fingers dancing upwards along the bumps of Emma’s spine. “Do you always skip out on your duties like this, Sheriff?”

“No, but I’m making an exception right now.”

“Really?”

“I have something far more important to focus on right now, actually.”

Regina laughed at the salacious grin that danced over Emma’s lips. “What’s that then?”

“You.”

Emma was looking at her as if she were about to pounce and eat _her_ for lunch. It had been a couple of days since they’d last had the chance to just ravish each other without interruptions.

“Is that so, Sheriff Swan?” Regina purred as she scratched her nails down Emma’s back and rolled her hips up into Emma’s thigh.

“Fuck,” Emma groaned. She shifted to her left and skimmed a hand down the front of Regina’s light green capris and back up, tugging on the drawstring. “Yes, definitely. You are all I can think about right now.”

“Emma,” Regina gasped as Emma tugged at the knot on the drawstring, pulling it free and slipped her hand down the front of Regina’s capris. Emma licked her lips as she cupped Regina over her underwear in an almost possessive nature. “We can’t--”

“Why not?” Emma asked. “Regina, nobody can see us. Nobody is here. Your closest neighbors live miles away and besides…” she trailed off, her breath hitching as she dipped her finger under the side of Regina’s cotton underwear teasingly. “Besides, Henry is working, and he won’t be back here for hours.”

Regina gripped onto Emma’s arm to still her from slicking her fingers over heated flesh. “Emma,” she murmured. “Please.”

“Tell me to stop if you really don’t want this,” Emma urged and she bit her bottom lip to still a moan, her fingers slicking over Regina’s folds ever so slowly. Emma damn well knew she didn’t really want to stop. She could feel it for herself how much Regina did not want her to stop. “God,” she shuddered. “Tell me to stop if you truly don’t want to do this right now.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Emma laughed huskily and it reverberated through Regina’s body deliciously so. Emma nuzzled at her nose before she kissed her, soft and sure, her fingers stilling but only just. It was all too easy to fall within the spell Emma cast upon her with those skilled fingers of hers, and it caused her to shut out the thoughts that were screaming at her to stop because the hammock was going to flip over.

It was because they were both so completely insatiable that neither was thinking very clearly at all, too immersed in each other to care about anything else.

At least until the hammock swung a little too much and Regina grabbed at the sides in alarm. Emma didn’t stop. She only laughed as she shifted on the hammock and caused it to swing a little more, further elevating Regina’s panic. Regina was torn between holding on for her life or grabbing at Emma’s hand to urge her to keep going.

The part of her that was just _aching_ for Emma took over the rational parts of her brain, the fear that had suddenly sunken in with a bit too much of a sway of the hammock than what she was comfortable with. It took over and filled her with such a fierce need that it felt unlike anything she had ever felt before. Sating that need gave her a rush like no other, a body buzz that felt better than any amounts of alcohol had ever made her feel.

That ache, that driving need she felt whenever Emma so much as just looked at her, it was far too powerful of a feeling to deny or even just to push aside. She’d been doing that for days and she just couldn’t anymore. The need to be with Emma was far more powerful than even her demons that still stirred up inside from time to time. Those cravings she could satisfy and fulfill and if Emma’s fingers kept slipping over her the way that they were, it wouldn’t be much longer before she came tumbling over the edge that Emma had brought her to from the moment they first got into the hammock.

It was different being intimate with Emma now as compared to the way it used to be. She knew it was a honeymoon phase, if one could call it that, because they were always so _hot_ for each other and they just couldn’t seem to keep their hands or lips off of each other whenever they found a moment or two alone. Sometimes it was so intense between them that it was overwhelming, other times it felt like it had before and those hours upon hours they’d spend languidly making love left Regina feeling as if she’d been shot out of the stratosphere multiple times over.

Nobody but Emma Swan had ever made her feel that way.

Nobody else ever would get that chance to try. She had promised her heart, her soul, everything to Emma Swan, for the rest of her life.

Even if the ring wasn’t officially an engagement ring, the promise was still the same.

The ring she had for Emma, however, was an engagement ring. It was sitting in a box hidden in her nightstand drawer right in that very moment. All she was waiting for was the right time to bring it out and ask her, _officially_ , to be her wife.

The thought of one day marrying this wonderfully amazing woman was enough to relax her and to ease her fears of falling out of the hammock and onto the hard ground below. She released the hold she had on the edge of the hammock and smiled at Emma who had been watching her rather intensely for the last few minutes while these thoughts ran rampant through her mind.

With one hand on Emma’s back, she moved the other to Emma’s bare shoulder, scraping her nails along her skin as her fingers worked her over skillfully, edging her to the brink of orgasm. Teasingly so. Regina kissed Emma, soft and slow at first as her hand skimmed down along the curve of Emma’s breast. She growled as she grasped at the thin material of Emma’s tank top, wishing they were inside and in her bed, naked and unrestricted completely from one another.

She moaned as Emma’s tongue flicked against hers, and Emma pulled back slowly, smiling down at Regina, her eyes dark with lust, her smile salacious and full of promise, her fingers still teasing, reminding her just of what they were capable of.

Regina traced over Emma’s hardening nipple, barely feeling the peak through the material of her shirt and the padded bra she wore underneath it. She slipped her hand down over Emma’s taut stomach and she moaned again as Emma’s tongue flicked over hers before the kiss deepened and grew into something more, something far more passionate and intimate than it had been before. Her fingers fumbled with the button on Emma’s tight jeans, wanting to give Emma the same pleasure she was receiving in that very moment. She only just managed to flick the button undone and then deftly slid down the zipper, her focus stolen by the quickening pace of Emma’s fingers slicking deliciously over her throbbing clit.

She swallowed Emma’s reverberating moan as she slipped her hand inside the tight confines of her jeans, the angle awkward and with very little room to maneuver. She wriggled her fingers under the tight elastic of Emma’s panties and raked her nails down over Emma’s closely cropped pubes. She could feel the heat just emanating from her and it was driving her wild with want and need.

Regina trembled as she slipped her fingers lower and over Emma’s moist folds, teasing her touch over Emma’s clit as her wetness coated her fingertips delightfully so. Her own wetness was pooling in her panties and over Emma’s fingers, and she was so close, so very close, but Emma was edging her close to the brink before pulling her right back again. She knew Emma could go on for hours if she let her, just edging her close to orgasm until finally, _finally_ she would let her find her release.

Emma pulled back from their sloppy kiss and licked over her wet, kiss-swollen lips in such a sinfully wicked way that sent a new wave of arousal flooding through Regina’s whole body. She pulled her hand free from the tight confines of Emma’s pants and grasped at the front of Emma’s shirt as Emma’s fingers worked her over in a frenzy, no longer teasing, no longer edging her, a sense of urgency in her touch that left no question about it that she wanted Regina to let go.

Her eyes slid shut and she could see stars rushing past in the darkness. Her senses seemed to heighten as she was brought close to orgasm, but she couldn’t quite let go. It stirred deep in her core. It ran hot through her veins. It drove her absolutely wild and left her feeling almost desperate for that release that was oh so _close_.

In her haste to chase her orgasm, she grasped at Emma and writhed beneath her, the hammock swaying back and forth, side to side, quicker and quicker, almost in time to the pace of Emma’s fingers that were now slipping inside of her and thrusting deeply, drawing out her orgasm that was brewing and building, leaving her ready to pop. All she needed was one more--

“Oh, fuck!” Emma laughed as the hammock tilted too far to one side and all but flipped over and dumped them out onto the ground. “Oh my god. Regina!” Emma pulled her hand out quickly and leaned up on her elbow and reached out to gently trace her fingers along the side of Regina’s jaw. “Baby, are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” Regina growled. “We just fell out of the hammock, you idiot!”

“I can’t believe it happened. It actually happened. You said it would happen and--”

“This was a terrible idea,” Regina finished and groaned as she stretched out on the hard ground and stared up at the hammock above them still swaying from side to side.

Emma was still laughing as she smoothed a hand over Regina’s stomach, her eyes still shining darkly with pure unadulterated lust. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. “Baby?”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

Emma was the first to move to get up and she groaned as she stretched out her limbs before reaching down to help Regina to her feet. Regina was quick to grab at her capris before they slid down her hips and Emma laughed, wriggling her eyebrows as she motioned to the house.

“You are insatiable, aren’t you?” Regina laughed as she took Emma’s hand in hers and started walking over the grass towards the back door. “Emma, shouldn’t you be--”

“I can take an extra hour,” she said quickly, knowing that Regina was still worried about her being on duty. “It’s fine. If anyone asks, I was out on patrol. Nobody will be none the wiser.”

“Hmm, the sheriff of Storybrooke likes to play hooky _and_ tell a few tall tales?” Regina tutted and opened the back door, gasping in surprise when Emma suddenly had her arms around her and was backing her up against the nearest wall. “You are so bad.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet, baby. You have no idea how bad I can be.”

“Is that so?”

Emma nodded and bit her bottom lip, her hands slipping over Regina’s hips. She tugged at Regina’s hand that was holding them up, and when Regina released them, she gently urged them down over her hips until they pooled at Regina’s feet. They were kissing again, frantically so, as Regina slipped out of her shoes and pushed at Emma’s shoulders, backing her up against the opposite wall.

Her hands gripped tightly at Emma’s hips and she tried to shove her tight jeans down, a struggle and a feat within itself. She pulled back from Emma’s lips with a gasp and her head clunked against the wall behind her as Emma’s hands smoothed over the curve of her ass and pulled Regina’s hips into hers.

At this rate, Regina wasn’t even sure they’d make it upstairs and into bed, and she truly didn’t care for once. All she could think of and was consumed by was Emma Swan and the delectable way her lips felt against her own, the teasing way her hands slipped over the curve of her ass as her fingers slipped under the edge of her panties.

She tugged hard at the front of Emma’s tank top, her hands almost trembling as Emma took a step back and assisted her in removing it quickly. It fell to the floor barely a foot away from where Regina’s capris and shoes sat in a pile. She tugged at Emma’s jeans once more, silently begging for her to rid them once and for all, right there in the hallway less than ten feet from the stairs and the front door.

She grabbed at the back of Emma’s neck hard, pulling her in for a fierce kiss, as Emma struggled to toe off her boots and shimmy out of her jeans. She moaned, frustration building faster than the arousal that was coursing through her veins was, and she pushed at Emma, backing her up against the other wall, eliciting a gasp and a moan past Emma’s lips as she swiftly tugged her jeans down her thighs and past her knees.

And then it happened. It was inevitable given how much of a klutz Emma could be at the best and the worst of times. Emma, in her struggle to get out of her impossibly tight jeans that made her ass look fantastic, tried to pull one leg out and went tumbling straight down to the floor.

“Ow.”

“Emma?” Regina laughed breathlessly as she stared down at Emma with her jeans partway off her legs and one boot still on. “Oh, Emma,” she sighed as she shook her head. “Whatever am I going to do with you?”

“Whatever you want as soon as I get off the floor, baby. You can do whatever you want to me.”

“Whatever I want?”

“Yes,” Emma said and her eyebrows raised high as she pulled off her boot and let it fall hard to the floor. “Within reason!”

“No ropes?” Regina teased, bringing back a conversation they’d had no less than a week ago about how far they were willing to take things intimately in the bedroom. “Would you be willing to start with a blindfold today then, dear?”

“Uh--”

“Think about how deliciously wonderful it would feel only being able to feel every touch and not see it. To hear every sound your body makes as I slip my tongue inside of you and drink you whole.”

Emma was on her feet, her pants nearly ripping in half as she pulled one leg out and then the other in quick succession. “Fuck,” she groaned. “And then?”

“Why don’t you follow me upstairs to bed and you’ll find out, darling?”

She strolled down the hallway towards the foot of the stairs, a sway in her hips, excitement flooding through her with every step at what would possibly come next. She glanced over her shoulder back at Emma, who stood rooted in the same spot, mouth agape, and she winked before she beckoned Emma to follow her with a curl of her finger.

“Are you coming?” Regina purred, one foot on the bottom step, a hand on the bannister, her eyes drinking in the sight of Emma as she was rendered speechless.

Oh, it was going to be a wonderful afternoon delight, indeed.

[X]

The sun was already up and over the trees by the time Regina woke up the next morning with Emma sound asleep in bed beside her. Emma had taken the day off for Henry’s birthday and it was her first real day off. Normally she was on call 24/7 as it came with the job of being the sheriff and something Regina was only just beginning to get used to.

Only just.

It was hard for her to believe that it had been sixteen years since the morning Henry was born. She remembered the day as if it happened only yesterday and the one thing she remembered most was how terrified Emma had been when she first started going into labor. She remembered all of the promises she had made Emma that morning as she held tight onto her hand and stayed by her bedside for hours until Henry was ready to make his first appearance into the world.

It had been a stressful day full of blessings, blessings she could now appreciate to the fullest extent. For a very long time, she never thought of herself as Henry’s other mother, just more of Emma’s partner who was helping her raise her son. She thought back to all those late nights they were both awake, baby Henry fussing and unable to fall asleep. For the first six months he’d been colicky and it had been a test for them both. Regina wasn’t sure what they would’ve done had her mother not been there to help them with him. They knew nothing about babies or how to take care of one until Cora had temporarily moved into the house.

Regina sighed, turning to look at Emma as she slept and rolled onto her side, smiling as Emma stirred a little but had yet to open her eyes. They had been so good together back then even though they had no idea what the hell they were doing most of the time, especially when it came to Henry. He was their sole focus for the longest time, needing constant attention and care.

Every milestone was celebrated and cherished. From the first tooth, to his first words, to him going from crawling one day to pulling himself up on the edge of the coffee table the next and falling, nearly splitting his head open in the process and scaring them both.

Today was Henry’s day and her thoughts were centered solely around him. Today was a milestone in itself, his sixteenth birthday. Not a boy anymore, not yet quite a man. He’d changed a lot in the weeks that followed his arrest and then the charges that were dropped. His focus went from caring only about his friend, music, and skateboarding to finding new jobs, making money, and spending time with his mother’s whether it be there at Regina’s house or at the house on First Street.

“Did you hear Henry come in last night?” Emma murmured sleepily beside her.

“Yes, I believe he came in just before ten.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Regina smiled as she lifted a hand and pushed aside some of Emma’s hair. They had spent Emma’s seemingly never-ending lunch break fucking and testing their limits. When she returned later in the evening once her shift was over, they had picked right back up where they left off as she’d come home to Regina waiting for her, naked and tied up in bed.

“We should probably get up, huh?” Emma groaned. “What time is it?”

“After eight.”

A sigh of relief fell past Emma’s lips, and she licked over them slowly before she cracked open an eye, blinking at the almost blinding sunlight in the room. “Hi,” she said softly, her lips curling into that salacious grin of hers that meant only one thing only. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re looking at my hair,” Emma said and she rubbed at her eyes and ran her hands over her head. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

“If looking like you spent most of the night being thoroughly fucked is bad, then yes.”

Emma grinned and reached out for Regina, pulling her close as Regina lifted the sheet to slide over. Bare skin slid against bare skin, and it wasn’t long before Regina was definitely wide awake and ready for more.

She was always ready for more with Emma Swan. She just couldn’t get enough of her.

But they couldn’t as they’d already slept in that morning and Henry was already up. Regina could hear him descending down the stairs and heading into the kitchen already, most likely excited to get his day started. Regina knew Emma needed her sleep, too, and she smiled as she leaned in to place a soft kiss to her lips and ran a hand over her smooth, taut stomach under the sheet before she slipped out of bed before Emma realized she was moving.

“Whoa, where are you going?”

“To shower,” Regina said and she grabbed her robe off the hook on the closet door. “Go back to sleep for a little while, Emma. I’ll let you know when breakfast is ready.”

“But--”

“We can’t,” she said as she slipped the robe on and pulled it shut. “Don’t pout.”

“I can pout as much as I want to! My baby boy is _sixteen_ today. Holy fuck. That makes me _old_ , doesn’t it?”

“No,” Regina laughed and walked back over to the bed, bending down to steal a kiss before she hopped out of reach of Emma’s wandering hands. “Go back to sleep for another hour or so, my love,” she said softly. “I’ll be sure to make the coffee a little stronger this morning for you as well. Make sure you’re at least halfway decent before breakfast is ready.”

Regina slipped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom to shower, and by the time she returned to the bedroom to get dressed, Emma had gone back to sleep and was snoring lightly. She was sure if she checked she’d find a small puddle of drool on the corner of the pillow too.

She was quick to get dressed, and after running a comb through her damp hair, she headed downstairs, pleasantly surprised to find that the coffee had already been made and Henry was in the middle of whipping up a batch of pancake batter.

“Happy Birthday, my little prince,” Regina said as she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. “What are you doing?”

“Breakfast.”

“Nuh-uh,” Regina tutted as she grabbed the whisk out of his hand and then the bowl from the other. “It is your birthday. You are to do nothing. You are not to lift a finger today, is that understood?”

“Yes ma’am,” Henry said, laughing as he mock-saluted her. “Is Mom still in bed?”

“Yes, she is.”

“Robyn just texted me like five minutes ago,” he said as he grabbed the tea towel off the handle on the stove and wiped his hands free of the batter that had smudged over one side of his hand. “She said they’re on their way over.”

“Now?” Regina asked, eyebrow raised. “Right now?”

“Right now.”

“I specifically told Zelena not to come until noon. At the _earliest_.” Regina tried not to let the anger bubble under the surface, but it was extremely hard. “I am going to kill her.”

“Robyn said she couldn’t wait any longer to bring me my birthday gift,” Henry said with a small shrug. “What? Am I going to tell her not to come over now? I want to know what she got me for my birthday! She’s only been getting all excited and shit about it all week. Do you know what it is that she got me for my birthday?”

“I do not, no,” Regina said and sighed heavily before handing the whisk and bowl back to Henry. “I’m going to go wake your mother up and you…just finish up with this. I’ll be back down to cook in just a few minutes, all right?”

“What about the part where I am not lifting a finger today?” Henry asked as he stared down into the bowl of pancake batter with a furrowed brow. “Or is this the part where you  _finally_ admit that my pancakes are way better than yours?”

“Yours are excellent, but not the best, dear. You’ve got some learning to do before they’re nice and fluffy and just perfect.”

“Practice makes perfect then, huh?”

“That it does.”

Regina hurried up the stairs and found the bedroom empty, the bed made, and Emma nowhere to be found. She stepped back out into the hallway and looked at the bathroom door that was still open and found that Emma wasn’t in there either. She blinked in confusion before she walked back into the bedroom, nearly jumping out of her skin when Emma slipped out of the closet in an attempt to scare her.

“Jesus, Emma, would you grow up?” Regina asked, and though her tone suggested she was thoroughly annoyed at Emma’s childish antics, she really wasn’t. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Trying to scare you,” she said meekly. “I love you?”

“For someone who has a sixteen-year-old, you sure don’t act _your_ age, do you?”

“So, you admit it then?” Emma asked. “I am old!”

“You aren’t that old, dear,” Regina sighed. They were really doing this. Emma had a small crisis over having a sixteen-year-old teenager just a few days earlier and it had taken a lot to get her to calm down once Regina realized she wasn’t really joking about it. She was genuinely upset about it. “You are still so very beautiful. You, my love, are like…” she trailed off, frowning a little. “You are like a fine wine,” she said simply. “You just get better with age.”

“Yeah, yeah. Is breakfast ready?”

“Not yet, but Henry just informed me that Zelena, Robyn, and my mother are on their way over.”

“Now?!” Emma looked at her in surprise and then she looked down at herself, still not showered and only wearing Regina’s robe that was still a little damp from when she’d put it on after she got out of the shower. “I haven’t even showered yet! I still look thoroughly fucked and…I smell like it too.”

“You smell delicious,” Regina purred as she stepped forward to wrap her arms around Emma. It was far too easy to fall into a place where she could just forget about the rest of the world, even if just for a moment. She stopped herself from slipping her hands inside the robe where she knew Emma wasn’t wearing a thing underneath. “Go,” she urged gently and gave her a small push towards the open bedroom door. “Hurry up and shower. They’ll be here any minute.”

“I knew I should’ve just gotten up and showered with you earlier.”

“You know the rules,” Regina said with a wave of her finger. “No hanky-panky outside of the bedroom when Henry is home.”

“Who came up with that stupid rule?”

“You did,” she laughed as she stepped forward and playfully swatted Emma’s ass as she followed her out into the hallway. “Something about not wanting to further traumatize our son with our…activities. Now go, hurry up and shower and get dressed. I’m sure you don’t want to miss whatever it is that Zelena bought Henry.”

“God, she’s been freaking out all week about it. She’ll kill me if I’m not there when she gives it to him.”

“I don’t think I’d go that far.”

“No, no she literally said she’d kill me if I missed the big birthday surprise.”

“Then what are you waiting for, dear?”

“My death, which as it seems, is a lot closer today than it was yesterday because I’m so old now,” she moaned dramatically and winked before she dashed off into the bathroom, laughing as she shut the door behind her.

Regina returned to the kitchen where Henry was waiting for her to start cooking the pancakes he’d specifically requested for his birthday breakfast. She noticed he had gotten out the eggs and the pound of bacon she’d picked up yesterday, thankfully. Despite her earlier remarks, she let Henry cook the pancakes while she laid out the bacon on a tray to cook the entire package in the oven to save some time cooking it four slices at a time in a frying pan.

After fifteen minutes and most of the food ready and plated on the kitchen counter, Regina looked at the clock curiously and wondered why the family hadn’t yet arrived. Henry, when questioned, held up his phone to show the latest text from Robyn.

**_Had to stop to put gas in the car. Will be there in five._ **

Emma chose that moment to come downstairs dressed in a pair of shorts she’d cut out of an old pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt that was more gray than black and had a hole in it. Regina frowned as she took in the sight of Emma’s less than appealing appearance and pointed to the ceiling, indicating that she go and change.

“They’re not here yet?” Emma asked and frowned when Regina placed a hand on her chest to stop her from walking further into the kitchen. “I need coffee, babe.”

“Is that what you’re wearing today?”

“This?” Emma looked down at her clothes. “Yes? Why?”

“You look like a bum. Go and change.”

“I don’t have anything else that’s clean here, Regina. Come on, it’s my day off. I don’t want to--”

“Go and change,” she said in a voice that was stern and made Emma flinch. “You know what?” Regina sighed and glanced back over at Henry and then back at Emma. “I was going to wait for a little while, but what the hell. I want you and Henry to move in with me.”

“What?”

“Seriously?” Henry piped up. “You want us to move in here?”

“Yes, seriously,” Regina smiled back at him before she turned to Emma with an insistent look on her face. “Well?”

“You want us to move in?” Emma asked slowly. “Here?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“Not right this moment, no,” she chuckled. “But yes, I want you both to move in. If you want to, that is.”

“Don’t say no, Mom, come on!” Henry was begging, big brown eyes wide open, hands pressed together pleadingly. “You can sell the house. You always complain about how much work there is that needs to be done and how it’s not worth putting that money into it. Come on, Mom, please?”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Emma said as they all heard the sound of gravel crunching under tires out on the driveway. “But yes, we’ll move in with you, Regina.”

“Good, now hurry up and change into something more appropriate. You can’t be dressed like a bum in front of my mother. You’ll never hear the end of it from her!”

“Or you, apparently,” Emma chuckled. “Don’t let Zee give Henry his gift until I get back down. I can borrow something of yours, yeah?”

“Yes, whatever fits, just go. Hurry!”

“Well, at least when we move in, you can burn that whole outfit,” Henry said as he and Regina headed for the front door. “Now can you get a couple of ATV’s, Mom?”

“That is a discussion for another day, dear. Why don’t you go on out and--who is that?” Regina said as they stepped out onto the front porch and saw a bright blue Honda Civic driving up the driveway. “Whose car is that?”

“I don’t know?” Henry looked just as confused as she did and he texted Robyn, who immediately responded. “She said it’s them.”

Regina, in a moment of realization, suddenly knew why Zelena was so very excited to give Henry his birthday gift. She was driving it, after all. The red bow tied to the hood was a definite dead giveaway.

“Holy shit, is that my present?” Henry asked as he started jumping up and down in absolute delight. “Did Aunt Zee seriously buy me a fucking car for my birthday?”

“Henry--”

“This is the best birthday ever!” Henry shouted as he ran down to the driveway as the car came to a stop and Robyn was the first to get out. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Language, Henry!” Regina called out at him. “No exceptions for that kind of language coming out of your mouth whether it is your birthday or not!”

Cora got out of the passenger seat as Zelena got out from behind the wheel with a huge smile on her face as Henry ran towards her. Cora looked a little less than pleased, but there was a hint of a smile on her face as Henry nearly leaped into Zelena’s arms.

“You can’t be serious,” Regina said as she approached the car, Henry’s gift, eyeing it rather suspiciously. “Zelena, Emma very specifically told you--”

“I don’t care what she told me,” Zelena said flippantly. “If I want to buy my precious, adorable nephew a car for his sixteenth birthday, nobody is going to stop me!”

“Emma is going to kill you, Ma,” Robyn pointed out. “Where is she anyway? She isn’t working today, is she?”

“No, she’s just getting dressed,” Regina replied.

“You better go and do some damage control,” Robyn whispered. “Break it to her gently. I really do not want to go to another funeral anytime soon, and I doubt Henry is going to willingly give up the best birthday present he’s ever gotten in his life.”

“So far!” Henry laughed as Zelena handed him the key and he started dancing around the car. It was quite the sight, indeed.

“I can’t believe you let her do this, Mother,” Regina said as Cora held up her hands and shook her head. “Emma was very specific when she told her not to buy him a car!”

“I had nothing to do with this, though to be fair I did try to talk her out of it because I know that Emma wanted Henry to work hard for his first car, to earn it, not to be gifted it,” she said and she shook her head again before shooing Regina towards the house. “Now, do as you were told, Regina, and go do some damage control before we inevitably have another funeral to plan and attend.”

“Is nobody going even attempt to stop her from killing me?” Zelena asked incredulously. “Some family you people are, the lot of you!”

Regina sighed and begrudgingly made her way back up to the house. She headed up the stairs, dreading each step she took because she knew exactly how Emma was going to react. Badly.

She found Emma in the bedroom in only her underwear, confusion masked on her face as she stood in the closet door and looked at all of Regina’s clothes that were hanging up. Tentatively, she approached Emma, careful not to scare her because she just knew Emma was already on edge. She was about to really fall over when she broke the news gently to her that Zelena had gone behind her back and against her wishes and bought Henry a brand new car for his birthday.

“Emma?”

“I don’t know what to wear,” she said and turned to Regina with a frown. “I should’ve brought some more clothes over yesterday. I wasn’t thinking. I--”

“Emma?” Regina tried again. “I think you might want to sit down.”

“Why?” Emma asked skeptically. “What? Just tell me.”

“Emma, would you sit down for a minute, please?” Regina asked, and she pointed to the bed, waiting for Emma to sit down. Instead, as stubborn as always, Emma placed her hands on her hips insistently. “Emma, I--”

“She did it, didn’t she?” Emma asked, her lips turning into a frown, her jaw tight.

“Yes.”

“She bought him a fucking car?!”

“Yes…I was sent up here to do some damage control so that you--”

“Oh!” Emma growled and she was off, storming out of the bedroom in only her underwear and bra. “Zelena! I am going to _kill_ you!”

“Mother, stop her!” Zelena yelled out as Emma was running out the front door and straight for her. “Emma, calm down!”

“You bought him a fucking car?” Emma yelled furiously and Regina made it to the front door in time to see her running after Zelena across the grass out front. “I am going to kill you, Zelena! I told you no! I told you a hundred times that you weren’t allowed to do this! Where are you going?”

“As far away from you as I can get!”

Cora was in stitches, laughing hard as she clutched to her sides. Robyn and Henry were beside themselves, laughing so hard they were crying, and Regina, Regina couldn’t help but laugh too and mostly because the sight of Emma straight up tackling Zelena was a sight to behold in itself.

And somehow she just knew that everything was going to be okay. Life was going to work out, finally, the way she had always hoped for it to, with all the little bumps and twists and turns that came along the way.

No matter what happened from there on out, nothing would ever make Regina fall so far that she lost sight of what mattered most to her.

The people, her _family_ , that filled all the cracks and made her feel whole.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the end is here. Sixteen months I’ve put into this labour of love that quite literally changed my own life. While my own story is drastically different than what I put Regina through, this story helped me get sober and stay sober throughout all these months. 
> 
> I hope in some ways it helps others, too, because addiction is a disease nobody is prepared to deal with--or even in some cases acknowledge until it may be too late. I hope if you’re one of those people who are dealing with alcoholism and/or addiction, that you have family and friends that will support you through your journey.
> 
> Just remember, you are strong enough even when you think you aren’t and you do deserve to be happy no matter what has happened in the past. The first day of sobriety is your clean slate, your moment to start over and make things right--not just for the people in your life but for yourself. If anything, do it for YOU, because trust me when I say that being sober is a whole new feeling (an amazing one at that) and one I personally embrace and hold on to with all that I have on days I feel like giving in to those cravings.  
> Also remember that everyone has their own journey. Everyone combats addiction in their own way. There is no right way or wrong way to overcome the hurdles you face when you get sober and stay sober. Find what works for you and stick with it even if it seems completely impossible. I promise you, it’s not impossible.
> 
> Many, many thanks to those who have been following along on this journey, many more thanks to those who have left comments on every chapter. I appreciate you guys for doing that more than I can put into words. It’s been an interesting ride. 
> 
> To those who waited until the story was posted to completion to read, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I’ve enjoyed sharing it with you all. I look forward to reading any comments you guys leave, they really truly make my day and make all those months I spent struggling to write and rewrite this story to make it as it is now, completely worth it.


End file.
